Televangelists Jan and Paul Crouch Live Like Jesus With $100,000 Motorhome For Their Dogs

  men of christ behaving badly

Screw you, Jesus!Oh whoops, Trinity Broadcasting Network and superduper good Christians Jan and Paul Crouch are getting sued (again) and this time it involves a whistleblower who noticed things like their $50 million jet, the $100,000 motorhome for their dogs, and a whole bunch of fraudulent loans maybe? And then the whistleblower got fired from handling their books. And then the Crouches tried to claim the whistleblower was an embezzler, but haha the judge dismissed that, due to how it was probably total lies.

Your Editrix has good memories of the Crouches and their Costa Mesa, California, HQ, which is like the Vatican if it had been built by Vegas mobsters. Also, one time she was watching their show and a youth group came on in verrry Stormfront/Timothy McVeigh cammies and did a dance number about being the Army of the Lord, at which point, the one African American kid (who was dressed like a bat demon) was cast out, because Satan, and it didn’t help matters at all that Your Editrix was high at the time. So what’s going on with TBN lately?

The suit also alleges that TBN bought residences across the country for its directors under the pretext that they were “guest homes” or “church parsonages.” The properties include mansions used by the Crouch family in Newport Beach; side-by-side mansions in Windermere, Fla.; and homes in Nashville; Miami; and Irving, Texas, according to the suit.

TBN directors received about $300,000 to $500,000 in meal expenses and the use of chauffeurs, and oversaw “fraudulent donation and kickback schemes involving third party ‘ministries’” the network controlled, the suit claims.

The directors also misused funds to cover up sexual scandals, the suit claims.

Oh yeah, those sex scandals include the time the Crouches paid $425,000 to a dude who said Paul Crouch had sexed him, which Paul Crouch denied by paying him $425,000. Also, as pointed out by RightWingWatch, the suit claims Crouch son Matthew Crouch liked to waggle his wiener at the cleaning crew. You know. Allegedly. [LATimes, via RightWingWatch]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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241 comments

          1. Barb

            Yes, I forgot how to use the Google. Any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated, thanks! I'm not going to Google this broad though. Ovaries in shock, hair fell out and I don't want to see people who abuse the hair that they do have, LOL!

          2. Barb

            Stop it Big Skull, you are making me want to go and look at her.

            We are about to celebrate the greatest holy day ever. A time when our faith is strengthened and we become believers again. I am going to focus on that and not sweat anything else, let alone my hair. I am waiting for the resurrection and the holy cup to be brought out again and I am going to drink from it until I thirst no more. All hail the Stanley Cup finals! Go Flyers!

          3. BigSkullF*ckingDog

            Oh my god, that speech was starting to scare me halfway through. Also, it's too late. I'm already picturing you as a kitten with a giant pink wig. I could maybe change it to a kitten in a beer can helmet. We'll see.

          4. PuckStopsHere

            Aaaaand just a bit further from the Holy Grail, the Hurricanes and the Maple Loafs drop the puck at ACC in mere minutes. My nipples harden.

          5. George Spelvin

            Wait a second, Missy. We're still months from the Finals.

            Also, too, go Sharks (because random chance)!

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      The higher the hair, the closer to God.

      Judging on looks alone, I'd say closer to a space alien. But who knows, maybe that's the same thing?

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      "The higher the hair, the closer to God."

      If her hair were any higher, she'd qualify as an astronaut.

    1. actor212

      Boy, when you get Chuck Grasseley investigating you, you have to be pretty corrupt.

      Dollar always reminded me of one of the great charlatans ministers of the Seventies, the Right Rev. Ike.

      Good Lord Almighty, could that boy preach!

    2. doloras

      That guy's a televangelist? I saw the name in the TV Guide and thought it was a kid's cowboy cartoon.

    1. Swampgas_Man

      No, I'm thinking more a breeding experiment between Tammy Faye Baker and an Afghan hound.

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      Maybe she's just an anime character, and can't help it, did you ever consider that, you bigot?

    1. Callyson

      But then they would not learn how to fish. See, if all the poor people would just learn how to fish, they wouldn't need any welfare.

  1. nounverb911

    "side-by-side mansions in Windermere, Fla.;"
    Did they get golf/adultery lessons from Tiger Woods?

  2. bflrtsplk

    Damn! That woman makes Tammy Faye Bakker look downright sexy. Wait. What? The story refers in a roundabout way to G-d. Change that to gosh darn it.

  3. smashedinhat

    These folks are legion. I especially enjoy (not) watching Peter Popoff Ministries hawk their miracle spring water & anointed faith tool. That they suck the life out of the old and simple makes me rage.

    1. RadioStalingrad

      It's amazing really. There is definitely a sucker gene that survives in the pool. From Mark Twain in Huck Finn with the Duke and the Dauphin, to James Randi totally discrediting Peter Popoff, to Palinbots. Scary may be a better word.

    2. finallyhappy

      Is that the hankerchief dipped in the water turned to wine? I remember hearing that one. How are people so so stupid as to give money to these liars??

    1. fartknocker

      It's close to DFW airport. When you have a corporate jet, nothing says Live Like a Christian Rock Star, when you park your Gulfstream at DFW and walk past all the minions suffering through the TSA process and body scanners.

  4. Callyson

    Network preachers have been aggressive advocates of the "prosperity gospel," the belief that God will bestow financial rewards on donors who give generously.
    Hey, where's my kickback?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      It's basically the same as what Bernie Madoff did, except that when you're promising eternal salvation, there's no need to fake monthly account statements. And instead of the SEC and DOJ coming after their asses, they only have to worry about God knocking on their door — and I'm betting these grifters aren't the leat bit worried about that.

      Best legal scam on the planet, if you're amoral enough to pull it off.

    2. GeorgiaBurning

      The Catholics used to call them "indulgences" . Protestants pretend to hate the idea, but only because the pope got a percentage. Since Jesus established the free-market system, why shouldn't heaven be up for sale?

    1. Fukui-sanYesOta

      Given the amount they seem to be scamming, it might be "Lord, Won't You Buy Me Mercedes-Benz."

  5. Fukui-sanYesOta

    Network preachers have been aggressive advocates of the "prosperity gospel," the belief that God will bestow financial rewards on donors who give generously.

    Well, somebody gets financial rewards. Seriously though, a $50M plane?

    What really burns is that all their earnings are tax-free, because jebus.

    edit: goddamn, they don't even pay property tax on most of their property.

  6. Callyson

    The one on the right looks like a rejected contestant on RuPaul's Drag Race. Still can't figure out what drugs the one on the left has taken.

  7. Sassomatic

    How dare you try to tell them how to practice their religion! Liberal media! Nobama!!!!1!!1

  8. BaldarTFlagass

    How does a dog drive a $100K motor home? For that matter, how does a dog drive a fucking Yugo?

    1. sewollef

      "For that matter, how does a dog drive a fucking Yugo?"

      I hear they mastered the Trabant though, since that's a dog of a car

  9. SorosBot

    Jesus, what the fuck is on that woman's head? That definitely can't be real human hair; it doesn't work that way. Whatever it is will give me nightmares.

      1. SorosBot

        Well it is somewhat reminiscent of your hair sticks up right after getting out of bed, before washing it…

        …and mine too.

    1. Callyson

      Use enough chemicals and you'll be surprised what human hair can turn into. I just hope her hair "stylist" has adequate ventilation.

  10. Goonemeritus

    Your Editrix has good memories of the Crouches and their Costa Mesa, California, HQ, which is like the Vatican if it had been built by Vegas mobsters.

    I’ll have you know that Mafia Gothic though much maligned is a valid architectural pastiche.

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    At least that photo answers my perennial question, "Wonder what ever happened to Pat Paulsen?"

    1. rocktonsam

      I remember when Paulsen was running for President and said, "I've raised my standards, now up yours."

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      As a former Catholic, I never really thought of it that way, but you're right.

      The Vatican had to build their empire over 2000 years of hard-fought evangelizing, crusade-fighting, missionary work, Jew-oppressing, inquisitioning, Jesuit intrique, and good old-fashioned Machaivellian politics. They earned their empire, damn it all!

      But these upstart TV preachers, all they needed was 2-hour late night slot on some backwater independent TV stating to get going, and audience of willing idiots with some spare cash, and look how far they've gone in just few years.

      America really *is* the land of opportunity.

      1. LiveToServeYa

        The Institute for Works of Religion ( aka Vatican Bank) would like to put in a word for the power of profitable investments. Via the Gambino family.

      2. Loaded_Pants

        "…and look how far they've gone in just few years."
        Actually, the Crouches have been at this for frickin' decades.

    2. GeorgiaBurning

      They just didn't like the franchise fees, and opened their own God-shop around the corner.

  12. An_Outhouse

    I thought the economy sux and nobody has a job. Who the hell is sending these scammers so much money? The Koch Bros, Soros, and Buffet?

    1. ManchuCandidate

      I knew a sweet old lady who sent her bucks to them all the time. Believed Jeebus would save. Also wanted to win the lottery, go figure.

      Ten million fools (out of 350 million in US America and parts of Canada City) part $10. It adds up.

  13. sbj1964

    Churches are a $24 billion a year money makers in America alone.L Ron Hubbard was quoted as saying if he ever wanted to get rich he would start his own religion,and did.I would say more but my legal staff is lacking.Scientology having the word science in your name is a JOKE right?

  14. Tommy1733

    Moments like this make me believe God likes a good laugh and to create funny adult situations for us to be amused by. Also the Republican primaries.

  15. Mahousu

    Does Jan have a second head hidden on top of her (visible) head? That's the only way I can explain the hair.

  16. ifthethunderdontgetya

    …which is like the Vatican if it had been built by Vegas mobsters.

    Oh come on, you've never been to The Cosmopolitan in Vegas, have you.

    It's like Bellagio if it had been built by Bishops and Cardinals. (O.K., pervy heterosexual Bishops and Cardinals, but still.)
    ~

  17. docterry6973

    Kids, I'm sure our Editrix meant that she was High on Life, so just say 'No' to drugs.

    Gosh I miss Nancy Reagan.

  18. dubyatf

    For one horrifying half of a second, I thought HEY How'd my old boss' failed Congressional
    candidate wife get her picture on Wonkette?
    Then I realized my old boss' failed Congressional candidate wife's hair is yellow, not lavender. And also, 2, it's not made from the recycled heads of 10,000 Barbie dolls.
    I don't *think.*

  19. MozakiBlocks

    How much did they pay for the pink fur coat she's wearing on her head? Does a color such as that actually exist in nature?

  20. MissTaken

    This seems totally reasonable to me. It's not like you can do Baby Jeebus' work driving your doggie around in some hippie Prius after all.

    1. doloras

      "Squirrel" is Scientology jargon for "heretic", and Tom Cruise is OUTRAGED that you suggest that he is sheltering a family of unauthorised E-meter readers.

  21. GortRay

    I gotta rewatch that old Steve Martin bit "You can be a millionaire and never pay taxes."
    His plan was to just say "I forgot" but I guess "I got the call from Jeebus" works too.also.

    1. actor212

      No, no! That's not how it works in Evangelville.

      Now he has to get on the TeeVee and apologize to Jesus and confess his sins, and all will be set right, as prophesied in the First Book of Swaggart.

      1. GortRay

        Oh, right! Swaggart 13:69 "Do whatever the fuck you want, and if ye getteth caught, sob like a childe which hath been beaten by thy rod."

  22. Geminisunmars

    Wouldn't it be great if Heaven and Hell really did exist and you knew that they would ultimately be getting their just desserts. Or jus deserts.

      1. GunToting[Redacted]

        Remember though… The Wingnut Bible has reinterpreted this parable to make the "Eye of the Needle" a narrow gate into, uh, Jerusalem. Sure, the camel has to shift a bit, but it's not impossible.

  23. James Michael Curley

    God looked at that picture and said, "When I told Adam he was naked, I should have been more descriptive than 'Put a Fig Leaf on it.' "

  24. BlueStateLibel

    Just proves yet again that the American wingnut is the most gullible creature on earth, and the only living creature that may disprove Darwin's theory of evolution.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Actually, they prove the evolutionary viability of the social animal. Think "Queen" and "drones".

  25. BaldarTFlagass

    Hopefully these people will grok how embarrassing their situation is, and voluntarily discorporate.

    1. Isyaignert

      You get a bonus point for using the word "grok" which I seriously doubt those clownish criminals are capable of doing. As it stands, they're making waaaaaay too much $$ to change anything.

      They MUST know all of that God stuff is BS because if they really believed they'd burn in Hell for being such douchebags, they'd stop and repent. Right? Halleula'effin'luah suckkers!!

  26. sewollef

    There's an English soccer player named Peter Crouch… although as far as I'm aware, he doesn't score goals for Jeebus.

    1. Gainsbourg69

      If you saw the goal he scored this week-end against Manchester City you'd probably think he had a bit of help from jeebus.

      1. sewollef

        Anything (or anybody) that can stop the moneybags side of Manchester is fine by me.

        Maybe he should be called, Peter "Maradona's Hand of God" Crouch in future…

  27. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Oh, golly. This is such a huge shock. I cannot believe it.

    I remember one segment from…must have been the late 1980's maybe, or early 90's? Paul Crouch in Israel, practically jizzing his pants over the possibility that an IDF armored personnel carrier trundling down the road might–just might!–be the first sign of the beginning of Armageddon.

  28. Chichikovovich

    You left-lib Demon-rats are never happy. If they spend the money freely given to them by fellow believers to give the dog a motor home, you complain about that. But let them go the frugal route and strap the dog's crate to the roof, and you'll complain about that too.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      If they were true conservatives, they would buy their dogs their own motor home, AND strap them to the roof of it. Damn RINOs.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Don't forget Pastor Rod L. "Lock and Load" Parsley, ready and rarin' to go and kill him a mess o' Muslins.

  29. Guppy

    Sounds like it's about time for one televangelist couple to get wrapped in a Holocaust Torah scroll.

  30. Fukui-sanYesOta

    OT, bad news.

    "Most of the times, the questions that are asked at oral arguments are a pretty good predictor of where things are going to go," said Jeffrey Toobin, CNN's senior legal analyst, who added he thinks the health care reform law is in "grave danger."

    It's going to be 5-4, by the look of it.

    1. prommie

      Shameless, fucking shameless, Scalia, and Thomas, and that new wop, too. I wonder if Scalia will deliver the decision by standing up and doing the "fungool" gesture again.

    2. GunToting[Redacted]

      The anti-Obamacare team could stand at the podium rubbing their own shit in their hair, and the vote would still be 5-4.

    3. George Spelvin

      I'm not sure it's bad news. If the SCROTUS does indeed knock down the ACA, I'd like to think that the Obama campaign would seize on this as a rallying point. "You see what happens with a Republican-majority Supreme Court? Five of these robed cultists are NOT ON YOUR SIDE".

      A man can dream.

  31. Jerri

    Christian televangelists revealed to be hypocritical scam artists? What's next? A Republican candidate for office caught bending the truth? I don't know if I could handle that.

  32. prommie

    Well, I have a job and a nice house and even a fucking boat, I eat too well, I have ice to make martinis, kids are physically healthy, mentally I don't know, you can't be expecting too much from marital sex, so I suppose overall, I have it good. So this shouldn't bother me, right? Cracker cops shooting black kids, why should I go and get all riled up and angry? I should be a happy idiot, and keep struggling for more legal tender, right?

  33. MissTaken

    Think of all the JOBS! these people have created. Between hairdressers, dog groomers, and someone to scrub the jizz off their son's bathhouse sauna, these people have single-handedly propped up our economy. Thank you Jeebus!

    1. SorosBot

      Lawyers to both prosecute and defend their ill-gotten gains, corrupt accountants to launder the money, coke dealers, prostitutes…

  34. SnarkoMarx

    The only TV preacher I ever had any respect for was Dr. Gene Scott. I remember him commenting once on how Tammy Fay had divorced Jim Baker while he was in prison to marry his best friend. According to Scott, that was the definition of a best friend, "someone who would take that off your hands".

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Quite the friend: Roe Messner, who divorced his own wife to marry Tammy, and who himself later went to jail, in part for bilking Bakker's ministry out of millions.

      Carl Hiaasen himself couldn't make up characters like these shameless grifters.

  35. SeanMEnright

    Haha! We used to watch these two on TBN (The Bible Network) when I was about 10 years old and my friends and I would prank call them to make fun of that lady's hair. When the number showed up a million times on the phone bill my mom said she was happy I was being so spiritual, but then when I told her the truth she was secretly happier.

    I grew up in South OC and I remember that atrocious building and it's year-round christmas light display including the "Happy Birthday, Jesus" sign. These people deserve additional charges for tackiness.

  36. widestanceromance

    I would love to meet Jan just so I could ask a rude question about drapes and carpets.

  37. WiscDad

    It's not a sin, or a crime, to screw the ignorant out of their money and use it to pad an extravagant lifestyle. Shit…corporate America has been doing it since, well…corporate America was born.

  38. __kth__

    The money they steal would otherwise have gone to neo-fascist political candidates, so I'm ambivalent about the litigation against them to say the least.

  39. reasonbran

    Wow, that's some head of hair she's got. More like two heads of hair. Talk about stacked!

    Her hair on hair is kind of like man on dog, only weirder.

  40. FakaktaSouth

    Back in my day, Jim Bakker liked a huge tittied woman that wound up on a Sam Kinison video and that crying guy Jimmy Swaggert sinned against us all with a New Orleans prostitute with a vag. Now these guys are paying a half a mill (or losing their congregations in Colorado) to get away with having sex with dudes? See what happens when you allow gay marriage?

  41. JodeArk

    While channel surfing one night the CROUCH's caught my eye.

    Jan Crouch was pleading to the TV audience to send in their contributions because "…the more you give the bigger your crown will be when you get to heaven…" and… "…people in heaven will look at you and your crown and say… what did they do to get such a big crown."

    Wow! Lock these people up!

  42. Wadisay

    If the, uh, carpet matches the drapes with Jan, the proverbial bush is more like Sherwood Forest.

  43. GOPCrusher

    And the best part? The rubes that they've bilked over the years, will defend these people's right to bilk them. And call this whole thing part of the Obama War On Religion.

  44. proudgrampa

    If people think they are going to heaven by giving money to scum like this, they deserve to get fleeced.

    Jesus Fucking Christ.

  45. CivicHoliday

    Still better to give your money to these people than to the homeless, though, because that is what "christians" do.

  46. docterry6973

    If only there were some great Teacher whose words could show them that true happiness comes from helping others and focusing on our own spiritual improvement, and not from money.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Sounds socialist … the goobers who subscribe to the Church of Grift will never go for it.

  47. amoosefloats

    Nothing more entertaining than trailer trash pederasses for christ with money. I bet at the side by side homes for jebus he hosts pedobear is a saint parties, while she shops for wigs made out of clowns pubs.

  48. DustBowlBlues

    Ooohhh . . .

    I love stories that bolster my biases. Not that they need much bolstering, but still . . .

  49. Isyaignert

    Hahahaha – I used to watch those two douchebags for comedy! They're the most outrageous, phoney hucksters I've ever seen.

    My mother gives those fuks money – Hey, my inheritance is going for hooker hush money. Well, isn't that special?

  50. IndianaKevin

    I did as they directed and put my hands on the television, but all I got was dusty hands. And nondusty hand-shaped places on the screen.

  51. meatpuppet2

    <<"Network preachers have been aggressive advocates of the "prosperity gospel," the belief that God will bestow financial rewards on donors who give generously." >>

    I can't believe dumb fuk knuckle dragging neanderthal uneducated faux watchin god fearin hillbillys are still falling for this Jesus grift. Ok, maybe not so hard to believe they are STILL falling for it.

  52. Monsieur_Grumpe

    They look like offspring of Jim and Tammy Baker who were famous for their circus clown orgies

  53. comrad_darkness

    This is why it's such a stunningly good idea for the government to stop stealing the red stater's money and giving them health care, clean water and education in return. So much better to leave them all their money (and a bunch of blue state money on top) so they can hand it all over to these shysters.

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