MEN OF CHRIST BEHAVING BADLY  12:19 pm March 27, 2012

Televangelists Jan and Paul Crouch Live Like Jesus With $100,000 Motorhome For Their Dogs

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Screw you, Jesus!Oh whoops, Trinity Broadcasting Network and superduper good Christians Jan and Paul Crouch are getting sued (again) and this time it involves a whistleblower who noticed things like their $50 million jet, the $100,000 motorhome for their dogs, and a whole bunch of fraudulent loans maybe? And then the whistleblower got fired from handling their books. And then the Crouches tried to claim the whistleblower was an embezzler, but haha the judge dismissed that, due to how it was probably total lies.

Your Editrix has good memories of the Crouches and their Costa Mesa, California, HQ, which is like the Vatican if it had been built by Vegas mobsters. Also, one time she was watching their show and a youth group came on in verrry Stormfront/Timothy McVeigh cammies and did a dance number about being the Army of the Lord, at which point, the one African American kid (who was dressed like a bat demon) was cast out, because Satan, and it didn’t help matters at all that Your Editrix was high at the time. So what’s going on with TBN lately?

The suit also alleges that TBN bought residences across the country for its directors under the pretext that they were “guest homes” or “church parsonages.” The properties include mansions used by the Crouch family in Newport Beach; side-by-side mansions in Windermere, Fla.; and homes in Nashville; Miami; and Irving, Texas, according to the suit.

TBN directors received about $300,000 to $500,000 in meal expenses and the use of chauffeurs, and oversaw “fraudulent donation and kickback schemes involving third party ‘ministries’” the network controlled, the suit claims.

The directors also misused funds to cover up sexual scandals, the suit claims.

Oh yeah, those sex scandals include the time the Crouches paid $425,000 to a dude who said Paul Crouch had sexed him, which Paul Crouch denied by paying him $425,000. Also, as pointed out by RightWingWatch, the suit claims Crouch son Matthew Crouch liked to waggle his wiener at the cleaning crew. You know. Allegedly. [LATimes, via RightWingWatch]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 241 comments }

Barb March 27, 2012 at 12:21 pm

The higher the hair, the closer to God.

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Actually, if you Google her….ew!…you'll see this is pretty tame by comparison

Barb March 27, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I will not Google her. I'd rather have my arms sawed off, thanks!

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 12:49 pm

What? And miss this hairstyle windswept???

Barb March 27, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I'm willing to take the chance of missing it, yes.

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Do you still not have the google down yet? Do you need a refresher course?

Barb March 27, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Yes, I forgot how to use the Google. Any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated, thanks! I'm not going to Google this broad though. Ovaries in shock, hair fell out and I don't want to see people who abuse the hair that they do have, LOL!

Lascauxcaveman March 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm

The higher the hair, the closer to God.

Judging on looks alone, I'd say closer to a space alien. But who knows, maybe that's the same thing?

sewollef March 27, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Madre de dios! There's probably a family of gardeners in that hair.

chicken_thief March 27, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Rod Stewart is God the Father?!

Biel_ze_Bubba March 27, 2012 at 1:08 pm

"The higher the hair, the closer to God."

If her hair were any higher, she'd qualify as an astronaut.

widestanceromance March 27, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Her hair is so damn high, it's tickling Dog's taint.

dubyatf March 27, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Hairway to Heaven.

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ March 27, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Pentecostalism is my Viet Nam.

Arken March 27, 2012 at 12:22 pm

But Creflo A. Dollar is still trustworthy, right? I mean with a name like that…

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Boy, when you get Chuck Grasseley investigating you, you have to be pretty corrupt.

Dollar always reminded me of one of the great charlatans ministers of the Seventies, the Right Rev. Ike.

Good Lord Almighty, could that boy preach!

Lascauxcaveman March 27, 2012 at 12:50 pm

So could Prof. Harold Hill.

And he was totally trustworthy.

doloras March 27, 2012 at 7:48 pm

That guy's a televangelist? I saw the name in the TV Guide and thought it was a kid's cowboy cartoon.

Maman March 27, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I didn't know that Elvira, Mistress of the Dark had a blonde sister

ManchuCandidate March 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Nah, Elvia's still haught (for a much older lady) while Tammy Jeebus scares the shit out of me.

Swampgas_Man March 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm

No, I'm thinking more a breeding experiment between Tammy Faye Baker and an Afghan hound.

Lazy Media March 27, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Her wig's not blonde, it's PINK. We always referred to her as The Pink-haired Lady.

sbj1964 March 27, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Nothing says Jesus like PINK HAIR?

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I think that's the wine cellar.

dubyatf March 27, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Clairol 7734 Rootin' Prostitutin' Raspberry.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 27, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Maybe she's just an anime character, and can't help it, did you ever consider that, you bigot?

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Does her hair defy gravity or is it merely trying to reach to the Lord?

Lascauxcaveman March 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Her life is a monument to Jesus; her hair, a monument to Aqua-Net.

SorosBot March 27, 2012 at 1:14 pm

She's denying science by breaking the laws of physics.

nounverb911 March 27, 2012 at 12:22 pm

At least they haven't molested any altar boys, yet.

larrykat March 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm

ring ring – Orange County sheriffs department on the phone…

Isyaignert March 27, 2012 at 7:46 pm

No, but they're molesting the wallets of the frightened fidiots out there.

RadioStalingrad March 27, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Could be worse: we could be motor boating a dog.

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm

I wouldn't mind motorboating a set of puppies….

FNMA March 27, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I think I saw that act in TJ once…

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm

$300,000 in meal expenses?

JESUS CHRIST! You could feed the masses for that!

Tommy1733 March 27, 2012 at 12:36 pm

5 loaves of very expensive bread and 2 rare fish.

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Caviar and artisan loaves!

Callyson March 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm

But then they would not learn how to fish. See, if all the poor people would just learn how to fish, they wouldn't need any welfare.

memzilla March 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Dear Crouches:

The '70s called, they want their hair and prom tux back.

nounverb911 March 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm

"side-by-side mansions in Windermere, Fla.;"
Did they get golf/adultery lessons from Tiger Woods?

chicken_thief March 27, 2012 at 12:55 pm

And the house in Irving, Tx – devout Cowboy fans, perhaps?

bflrtsplk March 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Damn! That woman makes Tammy Faye Bakker look downright sexy. Wait. What? The story refers in a roundabout way to G-d. Change that to gosh darn it.

smashedinhat March 27, 2012 at 12:25 pm

These folks are legion. I especially enjoy (not) watching Peter Popoff Ministries hawk their miracle spring water & anointed faith tool. That they suck the life out of the old and simple makes me rage.

RadioStalingrad March 27, 2012 at 12:31 pm

It's amazing really. There is definitely a sucker gene that survives in the pool. From Mark Twain in Huck Finn with the Duke and the Dauphin, to James Randi totally discrediting Peter Popoff, to Palinbots. Scary may be a better word.

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I tried that "anointed faith tool" line back in high school and got suspended for it.

Maybe I shouldn't have hit on a teacher….

finallyhappy March 27, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Is that the hankerchief dipped in the water turned to wine? I remember hearing that one. How are people so so stupid as to give money to these liars??

Barb March 27, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Crouch-ing scammers, hidden hummers.

not that Dewey March 27, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Crouching Preacher, Hidden Sausage?

Local_Mojo March 27, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Wow! I am stunned. How could such a thing be possible?

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ March 27, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Jesus!

BaldarTFlagass March 27, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Why in the FUCK would you buy a mansion in fucking IRVING, TEXAS?!?!?

nounverb911 March 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm

So they can walk to the Ranger's games?

Geminisunmars March 27, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Cause they already had one in Milton?

fartknocker March 27, 2012 at 12:59 pm

It's close to DFW airport. When you have a corporate jet, nothing says Live Like a Christian Rock Star, when you park your Gulfstream at DFW and walk past all the minions suffering through the TSA process and body scanners.

GOPCrusher March 27, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Because Grapevine has a Hooters?

unclejeems March 27, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Jan and Paul Crotch, the prosperity gospel at its best.

rocktonsam March 27, 2012 at 9:29 pm

this is good news for Joel Osteen

Callyson March 27, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Network preachers have been aggressive advocates of the "prosperity gospel," the belief that God will bestow financial rewards on donors who give generously.
Hey, where's my kickback?

Lascauxcaveman March 27, 2012 at 12:56 pm

It's like Amway. You didn't get into the racket early enough.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 27, 2012 at 1:00 pm

The Parable of the Multilevel Talents.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm

It's basically the same as what Bernie Madoff did, except that when you're promising eternal salvation, there's no need to fake monthly account statements. And instead of the SEC and DOJ coming after their asses, they only have to worry about God knocking on their door — and I'm betting these grifters aren't the leat bit worried about that.

Best legal scam on the planet, if you're amoral enough to pull it off.

GeorgiaBurning March 27, 2012 at 2:02 pm

The Catholics used to call them "indulgences" . Protestants pretend to hate the idea, but only because the pope got a percentage. Since Jesus established the free-market system, why shouldn't heaven be up for sale?

SexySmurf March 27, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Their favorite hymn is "Lord, Won't You Buy Me a Mercedes-Benz."

Fukui-sanYesOta March 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Given the amount they seem to be scamming, it might be "Lord, Won't You Buy Me Mercedes-Benz."

RadioStalingrad March 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm

"Lord Won't You Buy Me a Maybach."

Tommy1733 March 27, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Thank you for reminding me of that fine tune!

Fukui-sanYesOta March 27, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Network preachers have been aggressive advocates of the "prosperity gospel," the belief that God will bestow financial rewards on donors who give generously.

Well, somebody gets financial rewards. Seriously though, a $50M plane?

What really burns is that all their earnings are tax-free, because jebus.

edit: goddamn, they don't even pay property tax on most of their property.

Callyson March 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm

The one on the right looks like a rejected contestant on RuPaul's Drag Race. Still can't figure out what drugs the one on the left has taken.

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 12:38 pm

I dunno, but I tell you one thing: his closet door ain't fitting the frame too well, if you know what I mean….

FNMA March 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Mescaline?

Sassomatic March 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm

How dare you try to tell them how to practice their religion! Liberal media! Nobama!!!!1!!1

BaldarTFlagass March 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm

How does a dog drive a $100K motor home? For that matter, how does a dog drive a fucking Yugo?

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 12:30 pm

He drives it from the Roof! Roof!

ChernobylSoup March 27, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Was that really necessary?

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 12:38 pm

It was either that or go with a joke about a fetching a stick….

SorosBot March 27, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Hey, it doubles as a Mittens joke too.

Swampgas_Man March 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm

The woof! The woof! The woof is on fire!

nounverb911 March 27, 2012 at 12:30 pm

They ride tied to the roof in their air-tight carriers.

RadioStalingrad March 27, 2012 at 12:51 pm

I think that one on the right must drive.

sewollef March 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm

"For that matter, how does a dog drive a fucking Yugo?"

I hear they mastered the Trabant though, since that's a dog of a car

SorosBot March 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Jesus, what the fuck is on that woman's head? That definitely can't be real human hair; it doesn't work that way. Whatever it is will give me nightmares.

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 12:29 pm

She's actually bald and has a cotton candy machine in her dressing room

MissTaken March 27, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Liar! You said I looked sexy when I wore it last night!

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 12:48 pm

You must have awesome neck muscles.

SorosBot March 27, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Well it is somewhat reminiscent of your hair sticks up right after getting out of bed, before washing it…

…and mine too.

Geminisunmars March 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm

She and Donald Trump share hairdressers.

Callyson March 27, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Use enough chemicals and you'll be surprised what human hair can turn into. I just hope her hair "stylist" has adequate ventilation.

kullervo March 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm

I do know that comfortable dog accommodation is not mentioned in the Book of Mormon.

Goonemeritus March 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Your Editrix has good memories of the Crouches and their Costa Mesa, California, HQ, which is like the Vatican if it had been built by Vegas mobsters.

I’ll have you know that Mafia Gothic though much maligned is a valid architectural pastiche.

BaldarTFlagass March 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm

At least that photo answers my perennial question, "Wonder what ever happened to Pat Paulsen?"

DCBloom March 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm

OMG yes! I thought that the photo must've been from an old Smothers Bros. skit

rocktonsam March 27, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I remember when Paulsen was running for President and said, "I've raised my standards, now up yours."

Mumbletypeg March 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Get a clue, bible-pimpin' posers. All that glitters is not Christian.

Slim_Pickins March 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm

What would jesus do, indeed.

LastGasp March 27, 2012 at 3:11 pm

He'd set her hair on fire, for starters.

larrykat March 27, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I trust in lying, thieving hucksters on the teevee… AND I VOTE!

Lucidamente1 March 27, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Perhaps Romney could acquire that motorhome for his next trip with the family dog.

Lynne March 27, 2012 at 10:52 pm

I think the dog hightailed it for Canada as soon as he got off the roof.

SpiderCrab March 27, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Why do Wonkette readers hate entrepreneurship?

ChernobylSoup March 27, 2012 at 12:31 pm

And the Vatican says: "Amateurs."

Lascauxcaveman March 27, 2012 at 1:07 pm

As a former Catholic, I never really thought of it that way, but you're right.

The Vatican had to build their empire over 2000 years of hard-fought evangelizing, crusade-fighting, missionary work, Jew-oppressing, inquisitioning, Jesuit intrique, and good old-fashioned Machaivellian politics. They earned their empire, damn it all!

But these upstart TV preachers, all they needed was 2-hour late night slot on some backwater independent TV stating to get going, and audience of willing idiots with some spare cash, and look how far they've gone in just few years.

America really *is* the land of opportunity.

LiveToServeYa March 27, 2012 at 1:22 pm

The Institute for Works of Religion ( aka Vatican Bank) would like to put in a word for the power of profitable investments. Via the Gambino family.

Loaded_Pants March 27, 2012 at 9:00 pm

"…and look how far they've gone in just few years."
Actually, the Crouches have been at this for frickin' decades.

GeorgiaBurning March 27, 2012 at 2:04 pm

They just didn't like the franchise fees, and opened their own God-shop around the corner.

doloras March 27, 2012 at 7:51 pm

A materialist history of the Reformation in one sentence. Thank you for that.

Not_So_Much March 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Those aren't the dogs on their heads?

An_Outhouse March 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Disgruntled former employee is disgruntled.

GortRay March 27, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Because he got "gruntled" by the Crouches?

An_Outhouse March 27, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I thought the economy sux and nobody has a job. Who the hell is sending these scammers so much money? The Koch Bros, Soros, and Buffet?

ManchuCandidate March 27, 2012 at 12:43 pm

I knew a sweet old lady who sent her bucks to them all the time. Believed Jeebus would save. Also wanted to win the lottery, go figure.

Ten million fools (out of 350 million in US America and parts of Canada City) part $10. It adds up.

sbj1964 March 27, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Churches are a $24 billion a year money makers in America alone.L Ron Hubbard was quoted as saying if he ever wanted to get rich he would start his own religion,and did.I would say more but my legal staff is lacking.Scientology having the word science in your name is a JOKE right?

FNMA March 27, 2012 at 1:18 pm

And "Battlefield Earth" really sucked.

sbj1964 March 27, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I can't wait for the Mothership to take them all back to Xenu.

BaldarTFlagass March 27, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Blessed are the money makers, for they shall fleece the flock.

ManchuCandidate March 27, 2012 at 12:41 pm

And sometimes fuck them too.

Tommy1733 March 27, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Moments like this make me believe God likes a good laugh and to create funny adult situations for us to be amused by. Also the Republican primaries.

mrblifil March 27, 2012 at 12:38 pm

What's a wiener there for if not to waggle in public view upon occasion? Wiener Wagglers For Jesus!

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Wave your wiener and witness! TESTIfy, my brother!

jodyleek March 27, 2012 at 12:51 pm

What Would Jesus Waggle?

prommie March 27, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Do the peepee dance!

ManchuCandidate March 27, 2012 at 12:39 pm

You'd think with fleecing the fundies of their pennies that Jan Crouch could get buy a better hairdo.

Mahousu March 27, 2012 at 12:43 pm

She went for quantity, not quality. The American way!

Mahousu March 27, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Does Jan have a second head hidden on top of her (visible) head? That's the only way I can explain the hair.

tihond March 27, 2012 at 12:41 pm

That's just good hustle.

ifthethunderdontgetya March 27, 2012 at 12:42 pm

…which is like the Vatican if it had been built by Vegas mobsters.

Oh come on, you've never been to The Cosmopolitan in Vegas, have you.

It's like Bellagio if it had been built by Bishops and Cardinals. (O.K., pervy heterosexual Bishops and Cardinals, but still.)
~

ManchuCandidate March 27, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Not Pedo?

ifthethunderdontgetya March 27, 2012 at 12:50 pm

I admit you'd have to use your imagination…

(Or you could click on the pic…No Kathryn Jean Lopez in sight.)
~

docterry6973 March 27, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Kids, I'm sure our Editrix meant that she was High on Life, so just say 'No' to drugs.

Gosh I miss Nancy Reagan.

dubyatf March 27, 2012 at 12:43 pm

For one horrifying half of a second, I thought HEY How'd my old boss' failed Congressional
candidate wife get her picture on Wonkette?
Then I realized my old boss' failed Congressional candidate wife's hair is yellow, not lavender. And also, 2, it's not made from the recycled heads of 10,000 Barbie dolls.
I don't *think.*

MozakiBlocks March 27, 2012 at 12:44 pm

How much did they pay for the pink fur coat she's wearing on her head? Does a color such as that actually exist in nature?

Geminisunmars March 27, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I think James Cameron has a sample from the Mariana.

James Michael Curley March 27, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Only when you neglect the aluminum sulfate fertilizer in the hydrangeas.

MissTaken March 27, 2012 at 12:44 pm

This seems totally reasonable to me. It's not like you can do Baby Jeebus' work driving your doggie around in some hippie Prius after all.

Edith_Prickly March 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Somewhere a regional production of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert is missing a wig…

chicken_thief March 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Jan looks like Tom Cruise in drag. With a family of squirrels on his head. Too. Also.

prommie March 27, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Umm, I thought Tom was in drag when he wore pants, shirts, jackets, etc.

doloras March 27, 2012 at 7:52 pm

"Squirrel" is Scientology jargon for "heretic", and Tom Cruise is OUTRAGED that you suggest that he is sheltering a family of unauthorised E-meter readers.

GortRay March 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm

I gotta rewatch that old Steve Martin bit "You can be a millionaire and never pay taxes."
His plan was to just say "I forgot" but I guess "I got the call from Jeebus" works too.also.

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 1:02 pm

No, no! That's not how it works in Evangelville.

Now he has to get on the TeeVee and apologize to Jesus and confess his sins, and all will be set right, as prophesied in the First Book of Swaggart.

GortRay March 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Oh, right! Swaggart 13:69 "Do whatever the fuck you want, and if ye getteth caught, sob like a childe which hath been beaten by thy rod."

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ March 27, 2012 at 12:47 pm

I just want them to pay their taxes. I don't care who they fleece. Not anymore.

Chet Kincaid March 27, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Ol' Crazy Fred sure has aged! Are they doing "Planet Claire" or "Rock Lobster"?

prommie March 27, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Doesn't look like much of a monster in those pants, either.

FakaktaSouth March 27, 2012 at 2:11 pm

That's the Deadbeat Club, for sure. You're such an original hipster, I love you.

Chet Kincaid March 27, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Hop in my Chrysler, it's as big as a whale, and it's about to set sail!!

DahBoner March 27, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Pat Paulson is running again</i!>????

Isyaignert March 27, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Haha – good one Chet! You seem like a lot of fun on a date.

chicken_thief March 27, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Little Matthew always was the prankster! Bless his heart.

Geminisunmars March 27, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Wouldn't it be great if Heaven and Hell really did exist and you knew that they would ultimately be getting their just desserts. Or jus deserts.

Generation[redacted] March 27, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Hell is for hoodies, as the NOPD will tell you.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 27, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Two words for these charlatans:
Camel. Needle.

GunToting[Redacted] March 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Remember though… The Wingnut Bible has reinterpreted this parable to make the "Eye of the Needle" a narrow gate into, uh, Jerusalem. Sure, the camel has to shift a bit, but it's not impossible.

James Michael Curley March 27, 2012 at 12:51 pm

God looked at that picture and said, "When I told Adam he was naked, I should have been more descriptive than 'Put a Fig Leaf on it.' "

OneYieldRegular March 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Onward Christian soldiers!

johnnyzhivago March 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm

The brain to hair ratio on that woman is something for the record books.

chicken_thief March 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Lou Sarah is desperately trying to come up with a name for her new church as we speak.

BlueStateLibel March 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Just proves yet again that the American wingnut is the most gullible creature on earth, and the only living creature that may disprove Darwin's theory of evolution.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 27, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Actually, they prove the evolutionary viability of the social animal. Think "Queen" and "drones".

BaldarTFlagass March 27, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Hopefully these people will grok how embarrassing their situation is, and voluntarily discorporate.

HistoriCat March 27, 2012 at 1:17 pm

You're so cute – I wish I had a picture!

Isyaignert March 27, 2012 at 8:18 pm

You get a bonus point for using the word "grok" which I seriously doubt those clownish criminals are capable of doing. As it stands, they're making waaaaaay too much $$ to change anything.

They MUST know all of that God stuff is BS because if they really believed they'd burn in Hell for being such douchebags, they'd stop and repent. Right? Halleula'effin'luah suckkers!!

sewollef March 27, 2012 at 12:53 pm

There's an English soccer player named Peter Crouch… although as far as I'm aware, he doesn't score goals for Jeebus.

actor212 March 27, 2012 at 1:06 pm

He's about as overpaid, however.

Gainsbourg69 March 27, 2012 at 1:59 pm

If you saw the goal he scored this week-end against Manchester City you'd probably think he had a bit of help from jeebus.

sewollef March 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Anything (or anybody) that can stop the moneybags side of Manchester is fine by me.

Maybe he should be called, Peter "Maradona's Hand of God" Crouch in future…

BaldarTFlagass March 27, 2012 at 12:55 pm

There's many a slip twixt the Crouch and the Reap.

LiberalMantra March 27, 2012 at 12:55 pm

$300,000 to $500,000 for meal expenses??? They probably make Robert Tilton look tame in comparison: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-JjaAh0NeU&fe

proudgrampa March 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Thanks for that! I smell fresh-baked heavenly bread, now!!!

owhatever March 27, 2012 at 12:55 pm

So where's the surprise in all of this?

Doktor StrangeZoom March 27, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Oh, golly. This is such a huge shock. I cannot believe it.

I remember one segment from…must have been the late 1980's maybe, or early 90's? Paul Crouch in Israel, practically jizzing his pants over the possibility that an IDF armored personnel carrier trundling down the road might–just might!–be the first sign of the beginning of Armageddon.

Chichikovovich March 27, 2012 at 12:58 pm

You left-lib Demon-rats are never happy. If they spend the money freely given to them by fellow believers to give the dog a motor home, you complain about that. But let them go the frugal route and strap the dog's crate to the roof, and you'll complain about that too.

Generation[redacted] March 27, 2012 at 1:00 pm

If they were true conservatives, they would buy their dogs their own motor home, AND strap them to the roof of it. Damn RINOs.

Mr Pre-Press March 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm

roll away the $50M stone!

Chet Kincaid March 27, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Just looked at TBN's broadcast schedule for today. Talk about your long, shallow money trench…
http://www.tbn.org/watch-us/broadcast-schedule

Creflo Dollar, Benny Hinn, Bishop T.D. Jakes — it's the Rat Pack of Jesus Scamsters!

Biel_ze_Bubba March 27, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Don't forget Pastor Rod L. "Lock and Load" Parsley, ready and rarin' to go and kill him a mess o' Muslins.

Chet Kincaid March 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm

You are an awesome motivational speaker!

Guppy March 27, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Sounds like it's about time for one televangelist couple to get wrapped in a Holocaust Torah scroll.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 27, 2012 at 1:04 pm

OT, bad news.

"Most of the times, the questions that are asked at oral arguments are a pretty good predictor of where things are going to go," said Jeffrey Toobin, CNN's senior legal analyst, who added he thinks the health care reform law is in "grave danger."

It's going to be 5-4, by the look of it.

Geminisunmars March 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Thank you for reporting this, but I find I cannot upfist you.

prommie March 27, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Shameless, fucking shameless, Scalia, and Thomas, and that new wop, too. I wonder if Scalia will deliver the decision by standing up and doing the "fungool" gesture again.

GunToting[Redacted] March 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

The anti-Obamacare team could stand at the podium rubbing their own shit in their hair, and the vote would still be 5-4.

George Spelvin March 27, 2012 at 11:53 pm

I'm not sure it's bad news. If the SCROTUS does indeed knock down the ACA, I'd like to think that the Obama campaign would seize on this as a rallying point. "You see what happens with a Republican-majority Supreme Court? Five of these robed cultists are NOT ON YOUR SIDE".

A man can dream.

Jerri March 27, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Christian televangelists revealed to be hypocritical scam artists? What's next? A Republican candidate for office caught bending the truth? I don't know if I could handle that.

prommie March 27, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Well, I have a job and a nice house and even a fucking boat, I eat too well, I have ice to make martinis, kids are physically healthy, mentally I don't know, you can't be expecting too much from marital sex, so I suppose overall, I have it good. So this shouldn't bother me, right? Cracker cops shooting black kids, why should I go and get all riled up and angry? I should be a happy idiot, and keep struggling for more legal tender, right?

George Spelvin March 27, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Pretender libel.

Jus_Wonderin March 27, 2012 at 1:13 pm

TAX THESE FUCKERS!

valthemus March 27, 2012 at 1:14 pm

If people like these hadn't inspired the birth of Betty Bowers, I'd say they had no redeeming qualities at all.

Jus_Wonderin March 27, 2012 at 1:37 pm

WWBD?

MissTaken March 27, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Think of all the JOBS! these people have created. Between hairdressers, dog groomers, and someone to scrub the jizz off their son's bathhouse sauna, these people have single-handedly propped up our economy. Thank you Jeebus!

SorosBot March 27, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Lawyers to both prosecute and defend their ill-gotten gains, corrupt accountants to launder the money, coke dealers, prostitutes…

SnarkoMarx March 27, 2012 at 1:22 pm

The only TV preacher I ever had any respect for was Dr. Gene Scott. I remember him commenting once on how Tammy Fay had divorced Jim Baker while he was in prison to marry his best friend. According to Scott, that was the definition of a best friend, "someone who would take that off your hands".

Biel_ze_Bubba March 27, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Quite the friend: Roe Messner, who divorced his own wife to marry Tammy, and who himself later went to jail, in part for bilking Bakker's ministry out of millions.

Carl Hiaasen himself couldn't make up characters like these shameless grifters.

LiveToServeYa March 27, 2012 at 1:23 pm

You so rarely see such creative use of his-and-hers Groucho Marx eyebrows.

SeanMEnright March 27, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Haha! We used to watch these two on TBN (The Bible Network) when I was about 10 years old and my friends and I would prank call them to make fun of that lady's hair. When the number showed up a million times on the phone bill my mom said she was happy I was being so spiritual, but then when I told her the truth she was secretly happier.

I grew up in South OC and I remember that atrocious building and it's year-round christmas light display including the "Happy Birthday, Jesus" sign. These people deserve additional charges for tackiness.

widestanceromance March 27, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I would love to meet Jan just so I could ask a rude question about drapes and carpets.

iburl March 27, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Jack Van Impe for the win!

WiscDad March 27, 2012 at 1:27 pm

It's not a sin, or a crime, to screw the ignorant out of their money and use it to pad an extravagant lifestyle. Shit…corporate America has been doing it since, well…corporate America was born.

__kth__ March 27, 2012 at 1:29 pm

The money they steal would otherwise have gone to neo-fascist political candidates, so I'm ambivalent about the litigation against them to say the least.

Pickle Monger March 27, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Best part? The whistle-blower in question the their own GRANDDAUGHTER!

reasonbran March 27, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Wow, that's some head of hair she's got. More like two heads of hair. Talk about stacked!

Her hair on hair is kind of like man on dog, only weirder.

FakaktaSouth March 27, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Back in my day, Jim Bakker liked a huge tittied woman that wound up on a Sam Kinison video and that crying guy Jimmy Swaggert sinned against us all with a New Orleans prostitute with a vag. Now these guys are paying a half a mill (or losing their congregations in Colorado) to get away with having sex with dudes? See what happens when you allow gay marriage?

Jus_Wonderin March 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

What if…God were one of us?

GunToting[Redacted] March 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Not fucking likely.

randcoolcatdaddy March 27, 2012 at 2:05 pm

This is bad news for tailors of leisure suits.

GeorgiaBurning March 27, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Don't worry, TBN has them all on salary

rickmaci March 27, 2012 at 2:08 pm

At least they don't tie the dogs to the roof of the motor home.

JodeArk March 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

While channel surfing one night the CROUCH's caught my eye.

Jan Crouch was pleading to the TV audience to send in their contributions because "…the more you give the bigger your crown will be when you get to heaven…" and… "…people in heaven will look at you and your crown and say… what did they do to get such a big crown."

Wow! Lock these people up!

Wadisay March 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

If the, uh, carpet matches the drapes with Jan, the proverbial bush is more like Sherwood Forest.

GOPCrusher March 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

And the best part? The rubes that they've bilked over the years, will defend these people's right to bilk them. And call this whole thing part of the Obama War On Religion.

proudgrampa March 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

If people think they are going to heaven by giving money to scum like this, they deserve to get fleeced.

Jesus Fucking Christ.

Aridzona March 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

CivicHoliday March 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Still better to give your money to these people than to the homeless, though, because that is what "christians" do.

docterry6973 March 27, 2012 at 3:15 pm

If only there were some great Teacher whose words could show them that true happiness comes from helping others and focusing on our own spiritual improvement, and not from money.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 28, 2012 at 11:18 am

Sounds socialist … the goobers who subscribe to the Church of Grift will never go for it.

chascates March 27, 2012 at 3:15 pm

No separation between church and estate.

Loaded_Pants March 27, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Or between wig & scalp.

amoosefloats March 27, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Nothing more entertaining than trailer trash pederasses for christ with money. I bet at the side by side homes for jebus he hosts pedobear is a saint parties, while she shops for wigs made out of clowns pubs.

DahBoner March 27, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I didn't know The Virgin Mary dyed her hair pink!

What a slut

DustBowlBlues March 27, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Ooohhh . . .

I love stories that bolster my biases. Not that they need much bolstering, but still . . .

Limeylizzie March 27, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I bet they both have healthcare.

George Spelvin March 27, 2012 at 11:57 pm

I bet they both have vaginas.

Isyaignert March 27, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Hahahaha – I used to watch those two douchebags for comedy! They're the most outrageous, phoney hucksters I've ever seen.

My mother gives those fuks money – Hey, my inheritance is going for hooker hush money. Well, isn't that special?

DahBoner March 28, 2012 at 11:50 am

Hooker Hush Money is the best punk band name of 2012, so far…

IndianaKevin March 27, 2012 at 7:53 pm

I did as they directed and put my hands on the television, but all I got was dusty hands. And nondusty hand-shaped places on the screen.

meatpuppet2 March 27, 2012 at 8:05 pm

What the hell with that hair….errr wig.

meatpuppet2 March 27, 2012 at 8:10 pm

<<"Network preachers have been aggressive advocates of the "prosperity gospel," the belief that God will bestow financial rewards on donors who give generously." >>

I can't believe dumb fuk knuckle dragging neanderthal uneducated faux watchin god fearin hillbillys are still falling for this Jesus grift. Ok, maybe not so hard to believe they are STILL falling for it.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 27, 2012 at 9:40 pm

They look like offspring of Jim and Tammy Baker who were famous for their circus clown orgies

comrad_darkness March 27, 2012 at 11:03 pm

This is why it's such a stunningly good idea for the government to stop stealing the red stater's money and giving them health care, clean water and education in return. So much better to leave them all their money (and a bunch of blue state money on top) so they can hand it all over to these shysters.

ttommyunger March 27, 2012 at 11:56 pm

All well and good, but at the end of the day, he still has to be Paul Crouch. Ewwwww!

Sheesko March 28, 2012 at 10:09 am

I didn't know the Bible Belt and the Borscht Belt used the same washed-up vaudeville acts.

Smithboy March 28, 2012 at 11:47 am

I'm calling on the baby Jesus to heal that affliction that makes Jan's hair turn pink.

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 27, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I was really hoping that was a wig and maybe you could get one to match.

SorosBot March 27, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Ouch; we certainly all hope you get better as soon as possible.

Barb March 27, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Stop it Big Skull, you are making me want to go and look at her.

We are about to celebrate the greatest holy day ever. A time when our faith is strengthened and we become believers again. I am going to focus on that and not sweat anything else, let alone my hair. I am waiting for the resurrection and the holy cup to be brought out again and I am going to drink from it until I thirst no more. All hail the Stanley Cup finals! Go Flyers!

Barb March 27, 2012 at 1:41 pm

What was that you said there, Sorosbot? "Go Flyers!" Thank you! : )

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 27, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Oh my god, that speech was starting to scare me halfway through. Also, it's too late. I'm already picturing you as a kitten with a giant pink wig. I could maybe change it to a kitten in a beer can helmet. We'll see.

PuckStopsHere March 27, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Aaaaand just a bit further from the Holy Grail, the Hurricanes and the Maple Loafs drop the puck at ACC in mere minutes. My nipples harden.

George Spelvin March 27, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Wait a second, Missy. We're still months from the Finals.

Also, too, go Sharks (because random chance)!

Barb March 28, 2012 at 12:23 am

Which team are you rooting for, Puck?

Barb March 28, 2012 at 12:24 am

George, thanks for joining the conversation. Go Sharks!

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