Haven’t you always longed to get your picture taken with a notoriously amoral old fraud, slinking his slimy arm around your back, breathing his devil’s anus breath in your face, heaving forth his ominous, perverted overgrown-child giggle, spewing spittle, slobbering, fly open but blocked by his sunken belly resting on the ground? Then you’re in luck: It’ll only cost $50 from now on!
Ha ha ha, and even sadder, it was in Delaware:
HOCKESSIN, Del. – In a sign that his campaign is in need of fresh funds, Newt Gingrich on Monday began charging $50 to have a photograph taken with him following a campaign speech to Republican groups here in the northernmost part of the state.
Sounding presidential enough for you yet? Wait — no just WAIT — this, read this:
On Monday night, those paying for a photograph were also told they could find their photos on Gingrich’s website, after they had filled out a form providing their credit card information.
Everyone who filled out that form: Cancel your credit card right now. There’s a notoriously amoral old fraud using your information as we speak to buy GI Joe action figures and FleshLights on Craigslist.
No: if you filled out this credit card form to pay $50 for a photo with Newt Gingrich, then you deserve to be separated from your money.
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Could still be creepier. I don't want to think about HOW, mind you.
He charges double for Newds.
For $100, you get to grab boob.
How's that?
No, I haven't. But when you put it that way, I'll take two !
This is a slippery slope to the Rush Limbaugh-mandated "the federal government pays for Newt's Viagra" pictures that will rend the fabric of the universe.
Newt's spread in Pedobear Monthly in 7… 6… 5…
Newt's spread
Ew ew ew ew
:::bangs head against table:::
Out image, OUT!
How much to have his wife blow you while he watches?
She charges $9.99 if he watches, $1.99 if he's not watching.
Cheap! You do know that she can unhinge her jaws, right?
Those Guinea Pigs she eats are huge.
There ain't enough cash left in that campaign "war chest" to pay ME to have those lips sucking around my privates. I mean eeeewwwwwww!!!!
$50 is too high. For $5 I'll pay for a picture of him fisting Calista. Or vice versa. That's a fair price for a Calista Fister Picture. Hey does she have a sister? Because I could see upping my bid for a Calista Fists Her Sister Picture.
No sister but she does have a mom. Allegedly.
Her mother probably looks less dated than her.
If you're going to post stuff like this, you'd better bring enough brain bleach to share.
Brain bleach is $50 an ounce at http://www.eeeeewwww.com
For a moment I thought that was a real website.
Gotcha!
You know what else Newt will give you for 50 bucks?
A ride around the block in his tour bus?
A plan for establishing Moon Colonies?
A serious rash the next morning.
But for another $150 he'll sell you a small tube of ointment to relieve the symptoms.
Just like my dermatologist.
Hitler?
Er, wait…
All of 'em, Katie.
Wait, I gotta pay 50bucks to have my pic posted to his fb page and I don't even get a hard copy?? I gotta go get it and print it myself? Ugh. This is like making me go buy my own diamonds after being his whore. NO THANKS Newton Leroy. This ho has limits.
Very commendable.
I would sooner give my credit card number to a Nigerian Prince. Statistically I believe on average they are less likely to screw you.
And if they do screw you, you won't feel as bad the next morning as you would feel if Newt had screwed you.
You mean spiritually, of course. Cuz I don't think Newt would leave any appreciable physical impressions. I imagine it'd be like being screwed with a pencil eraser.
He's gotta pay off that Tiffany's account some way.
Yeah, the interest he's racking up is murder. Oh, wait…
Yeesh, Sarah at least charged $1,000 a pop, and that's with a partial-term aborted elected official.
Should save him a lot of face time with the peons. He'd have to pay me $75 before I stood that close to him. Though I might pay $10 for a lap dance from Callista. With photos.
I'm not sure if I want that helmet hair banging around my crotch, but I might give her a few bucks just cause she is Callista, soon to be ex of Newt.
Well, the kids today keep talking about these 'lapdances' but it doesn't seem so bad to me.
http://www.agefotostock.com/en/Stock-Images/Royal…
I'd pay her $10 to get off my lap.
This is what a politician looks like after the patina of respectability is stripped away.
That's not a patina of respectability; it's a coating of slime.
He sold the patina a while back.
Slightly off-topic but I took Monday off and am just catching up to the snark train:
No, Newt, you dumbass! What the President is saying is that if the dead kid were white the half-latino guy would be in prison already!
Thanks for listening. We now return you to GOP Theater's production of "Gotzen Dammerung".
It's racist to say that just because he was stalked solely because he was black, he's only dead because he was black!
They could make this the new "scared straight" program for troubled teens.
How embarrassking! Not for Newt since he has proved that he is lacking in any ethics, morals, values, common sense or decency, etc. This is embarrassing for America – that someone of this caliper would be viable for POTUS – and also charging for photo-ops like some has-been wrestler.
I want to say this is sad.
But it is Newt.
HaHaHaHaHaHa!
We've already determined what he is, now we're merely haggling over price.
I'll do it, if I can wear my full head latex Nixon mask & t-shirt that says
"Fuck the Doomed".
That will probably cost you 25 cents more.
I've got a quarter right here.
OT and I know this is bad form, but I'm addicted to InTrade and you folks are smarter than your average (pedo)bear. Who's going to win the Pennsyltucky primary? Will it be your hometown frothy homo-hater or the mormon dude? Now's a good time to buy either way.
What are the odds PA looks at both choices, shrugs and decides to sink into the Atlantic?
That means it would have to take out either NJ, Delaware or Maryland to reach the Atlantic. I vote for Delaware.
Drown Delaware? But corporations are people too, my friend!
Since I'm in Delaware, I vote for New Jersey. Granted it will be harder to sink because of Governor Fat Fatsy but if he was harpooned first…
Through him in a Try Pot and you’ll render enough oil to grease the whole state to Ireland.
I would support that decision – I think a nice Northern MD lake house on the shores of the newly formed Lake Pennsyltucky would be excellent. James Cameron could plumb the depths of the Pittsburgh Abyss.
I'd go with Cheney in a heart beat.
Li'l Ricky Santorum lost in PA by, I believe, 18%. We've seen Mittens receive fewer votes in 2012 than he did in 2008. The more many people get to know him, the less they like him. I think that effect will be worse on Santorum than on (r)Money in Pennsylvania.
Mittens will carpetbomb Santorum with negative tv ads, with what money he has left.
I'll say Mittens, by a nose.
Thank you. As I always say, "If you can't go to Wonkette for investment advice, where can you go?"
I'm advising investing in alcohol right now. Demand is sure to skyrocket in the fall.
Gingrich makes it official: He is a cheap whore and is proud of it.
Oh Jim, you write the sexiest porn. You'd make tens of dollars writing bodice rippers i bet.
This should help Newt in preparing for his new career as a Vegas casino greeter.
Which should be a boon to Gamblers Anonymous.
What luck-seeking gambler wants to be in the same building with this loser douche PigNewton? His (current) wife might get a gig in the Midnight Tranny-show in the basement of the LVH (formerly the Vegas Hilton).
If you then see a $8,999 charge from Tiffany's on your card, you will know who to call.
Who's Newt Gingrich? Name sounds familiar, but…
Your move, Sarah Palin.
I was thinking the same thing – but didn't she already charge like $10 or $20 for photo ops? Or was it the other shrieking loon, One L?
if you filled out this credit card form to pay $50 for a photo with Newt Gingrich, then you deserve to be separated from your money.
You also deserve Delaware. Keep it — and its toxic credit card industry too.
I'd pay $50 to not have my picture taken with Callista.
For $100 they will take your picture without Newt.
For extra $10 you get this nice luxurious faux walnut grain cardboard frame…..it really makes it CLASSY!
How quickly he shitted through Sheldon Adelson's $13 million!
I heard that for $75 he'll show up dressed as a Clown for Children's parties.
A weird, glittery eyed desperately boring Clown with a degenerate's grin and a huge ego that just won't shut up.
The Kids will love it!
He will *fundamentally* change the way you think about birthdays.
Shakes the Clown?
Kinko.
John Wayne Gacy redux.
The fact that there are people this dumb in the world makes me want to cry. Or sell them a bridge. One or the other.
In a few years Newt will be reduced to being a greeter at one of Sheldon Adelson's casinos. And with no wife, to boot.
And with no wife to boot when she gets sick
/fixed
Well fifty dollars a pop with his crowds? That should raise the needed $1,550 in short order (a week or so).
How did anyone find out, since he doesn't have a reporter with him anymore?
He wanted $50 per quote – the reporters reportedly responded with their own quote ("Fuck that") and wandered off to find more interesting news, like cats stuck in trees, etc
Fifty bucks to have my picture taken with an overweight has-been.
Hell I could just take a picture of myself with a camera phone and save the dough. Maybe I'll take two and save $100. Easy money.
I lived in HOCKESSIN, Del. They won't fall for this shit, trust me.
He's in Annapolis, Maryland today. I'll bet somebody falls for it there.
I think this campaign strategy would have worked better for Mary Carey.
Hey, Newt's got tits, too.
Well obviously Newt would have to pay people at least $50 to have their photo taken with him, since what person in his or her right mind would ever voluntarily choose to have-…oh…uh…never mind.
One of Newt's appearences in my fair Delaware was in one of my co-worker's neck of the woods. Since she's a hot divorcee I told her that if she was lucky, she could be Mrs. Gingrich #4. Thankfully she has a sense of humor and didn't punch me in the face.
Define "Lucky".
Hey Newt. Got any pictures of your wife naked? No? Wanna buy some? Fifty bucks.
Can I pay him in pennies?
In addition to being able to download the photo from the website, donors also received a handsomely printed 8½ x 11 print freshly ripped from the Gingrich campaign's tractor-fed dot-matrix with a circa 1994 government property tag.
You could buy a lot of lottery tickets for $50. At least then you have a chance of getting a winner.
Craigslist is a great place to buy your gently-used Fleshlights.
Surely the rich and powerful Wonkette would reimburse Riley Waggaman for expenses to pose with Newt?
I'd call "Antiques Roadshow" for an appraisal before I spent that kind of money.
And don't forget to send me your credit card information, too. I will use it only if Newt and Callista ask me to because they can't get in touch with you. Also, I am an exiled Nigerian prince, but more about that later.
Newt Gingrich: the Wild Water Rafting ride of GOP candidates.
If I have to pay for the pic, I want to set the scene – what kind of costumes are available for PigNewton & wife? to wear for my picture?
When I first saw this I thought the headline was
Old Slob Newt Gingrich Now Charging 50¢ Per Pie
and I thought "there's no way I'd buy a pie from Newt Gingrich, even for 50 cents". Then I put my glasses on and saw what it really read and I thought "You have got to be fucking shitting me."
He is trying to raised funds to complete Callista's Human to Snowy Owl reassignment surgery is all. Soon with our help she will be catching mice.”
If Mitt Romney had a sense of humor he'd offer Gingrich $10,000 for a picture and then, when it was taken, would hold his fingers up in an "L" shape for "loser" above Gingrich's head.
Adam West and Burt Ward only charged me a sawbuck.
.
I'm so late to this party, but I still have to say: Newt charges $50 for a pic with him, and $75 to promise not to take one, right?
Hold me back!
SHRINKAGE!!!
"What? What's the Problem? My 'I'm With Stupid' shirt's the only one that's clean!"
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