warm bucket of piss

Rick Santorum Would Love to Be Veep of ‘Worst Republican In Country’ Mitt Romney (VIDEO)

He works hard for the moneyWell this is awkward. The good Christian bitches at CBN asked Rick Santorum if he would accept a veep pick from worst Republican in the country Mitt Romney, and instead of pretending there was a chance of beating our Mittens, or cussing him out for asking the question, Rick Santorum said yes! Sarah Palin-style word-salad, after the jump!

[CBN]

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153 comments

    1. dadanarchist

      "We pledge that under our administration, Predator Drones will look even more like Flying Death Dildos."

    2. Abernathy

      There are only two ways that can end: the frothy mess gets roombaed up or the robot short circuits. Either way, I like it!

  1. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Dear Mr. Santorum,

    Thank you for your assistance in helping us with our campaign.

    Sincerely,

    David Plouffe,
    Obama 2012

    PS: Joe Biden can't wait to meet you!

  2. SorosBot

    "This is the most important race in our country's history." Really? More important that Roosevelt's victories in 1932 and 1940 that allowed him to end the Great Depression and win World War II? More important than the election of 1860? Really?

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      Don't you know? America stands on the edge of a precipice, and Rick Santorum is poised to help us take a great stride forward.

    2. MissTaken

      Everyone knows the Civil War and WWII were mere child's play compared to the utter devastation we will face with ObamaCare. The horror!!

    3. Tundra Grifter

      I would say the second election that kept George Washington in office was the most important in American history. This old world has seen many, many revolutions. Frequently followed by a second revolution. Or the first guy (it's never a woman!) to win the first election just forgets to move out of the Presidential Palace.

      1. MosesInvests

        How about the third election, when Washington stepped down and Adams became President, establishing the orderly transfer of power in the new American republic?

        1. Tundra Grifter

          For more important than 2012, no question about that. I would probably put it at #2 – extremely important, because Gen. Washington stepped down and because it established the tradition of only two terms.

          Also far more important was 1864, when Lincoln ran for re-election in the midst of our Civil War. Huge.

    4. Abernathy

      Frothy will be ending the Great Slutpression and winning the War on Women, so yes, yes it is the most important.

      But I would have thought Frothy considered the white race the most important in our country's history. Live and learn.

  3. PuckStopsHere

    Is this the network that made even bigger news last week when Pat Robertson opined thereon that it is okay to eat pussy?

          1. Jus_Wonderin

            But, will it fit in a pocket for eating on the go? I wonder what that trade name would be?

    1. Steverino247

      Well, for some recipients of that service, it's good enough to call out for Mr. Robertson's invisible friend, God.

      There's a missed headline: Robertson on Oral Sex: Oh, God, YES!

      1. GreatChristiano

        I have heard that there are people who combine the
        smokage of herbage with such activities as having sex.
        Not that they would smoke the herb and have sex at the same time–
        that would be awkward.
        People should take great care when combining herb with other activities.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        Apparently I just don't pay attention to what I write or say — so yes, I guess. Thanks for the alert.

    1. Chichikovovich

      The article left out the best part, which was when Santorum told the audience:

      "OK, I know that the 8 years of deficit spending when we had inherited a budget kicking out a surplus, and my votes on the huge Pharma giveaway, and No Child Left Behind and all the rest look pretty bad now that we've shaken the Bush years off the Etch-A-Sketch. But you have to remember that back in those days the Republicans in Congress would have voted Bush the right of jus primae noctis with our daughters if he had asked for it."

  4. BornInATrailer

    So if he'd be the VP of a candidate that you may as well take Obama over, then that means he'd be even happier to be Obama's VP?

  5. anniegetyerfun

    Well, yeah. Otherwise he wouldn't have freaked the fuck out when quoted by a reporter.

      1. Extemporanus

        Funny…I snorted when I did that line.

        Oh, hey, by the way: I just literally came across a me-strokin' comment that you made in last Friday's "Cheney Still Undead" thread. I'm currently phonin' it in all thumbs-style, so check back tonight/tomorrow morning for my overly verbose reply.

    1. user-of-owls

      History, as we know, is always bias, because human beings have to be studied by other human beings, not by independent observers of another species.

      During the Middle Ages, everybody was middle aged. Church and state were co-operatic. Middle Evil society was made up of monks, lords, and surfs. It is unfortunate that we do not have a medievel European laid out on a table before us, ready for dissection. After a revival of infantile commerce slowly creeped into Europe, merchants appeared.

      Such stupid people, such unintended wisdom.

        1. Doktor StrangeZoom

          I'm scoring Texas 10th-grade standardized-test essays online (again…or for the moment, depending on whether I can drag my quality scores out of the toilet…), and have so far only come across one truly brilliant "oops": "My father is a metalworker, and my mother is a sculpture, so I've always liked art."

          Another observation: Texas 10th graders spend a lot of time thinking about sex and Jesus. Few combine those in a single essay, happily. I did read one where the kid's epiphany was that the preacher was wrong when he talked about all gay people being evil monsters who are bound for hell: the writer knows a gay guy, and he's not a monster at all. In fact, the writer admires the gay kid's courage in being exactly who he is, even though he's still sure that the gay kid is hellbound. Just not a monster. Still, I have hope for the writer–this may just be a step along the way to putting away some of the preacher's other nonsense.

          1. not that Dewey

            Is that a freelance gig? Does it pay? And why Texas? Aren't there any Idaho tests that need scoring? So many questions.

          2. Doktor StrangeZoom

            It's through Pearson, giganto testmongers to the nation, player with Standards, Leaver of Children Behind. Not a bad gig if one can get it; rather hope I can get out of my agreement-with-the-ideal-scores slump and continue, because, hey, it's money. And it's Texas because that's what's available (I did TX 4th grade writing last spring, and scored national SATs in the fall).

            Also, not sleeping tonight–worried about employment and student loans, which I will never in my lifetime pay off (this is not hyperbole–I just qualified for an income-based payment plan, which is good, but at the ridiculously low payment I can afford, it would take me 156 years to pay off my loans. I'm hoping for an extension).

          3. user-of-owls

            Hey, I'm doing grading here too. Just finished up at 215am. Up to be at work by 530am, um, today, I had a few gems in this batch:

            A classification based on the absence rather than the presence of distinguishing traits is called:
            •Residental obligary
            What is the term (originating in the USSR) used to describe a blindly devoted member of an organization, such as a political party?
            •Antonik
            What is ‘civil society’?
            •A society who is on thair best behavior

          4. not that Dewey

            That's some rather depressing reading, that Pearson article. Thanks, and I'm sorry.

            Student Loans — a tax on being educated. We jointly have about $200/month in payments. Both of our loans had been in arrears for years, until we first made an effort to get a mortgage, then we had to clean it all up. I initially stopped paying, out of protest, at the time of the S&L collapse, like a common petulant Teabagger (except I was only 19, so was entitled to stamp my feet and act like a teenager. I dropped out, and all my freshman year loans came due before I found a job.)

            Is Family Court coming to an end? Fucking tea party economy. It'll be the death of all of us.

            My organization is simultaneously soliciting proposals for funding of new projects AND informing us that there will be a 5 – 10% "reduction in force" this summer. The proposals became seen less as a way to do a new, interesting project, and more as a superstitious lifeline ("but my project just got approved. they can't fire me!") as we scrambled to get our names on as many proposals as possible. So, yes. Employment stress.

          5. Doktor StrangeZoom

            Family Court may or may not be ending, or maybe morphing…they've finally advertised the full-time job that I'm temping in, and while I'm going to apply, they'd really prefer a candidate with a MSW, since ideally it would combine front-desk work with mediation and running the parenting classes that Big County Government forces people to take. But if there aren't any MSW's desperate enough for what's mostly a receptionist job, I may still be in the running, and even if I don't get the full-time gig, the director may find more part-time stuff for me. (Protip: It's good to be friends with the boss.)

            Sounds like your organization is just as schizoid as any other…It's kind of a wonder that we can keep this big mess of a civilization running (such as it is) at all, given that we're just apes who are far better suited for short lives in small bands on the savannah.

  6. GreatChristiano

    Ok now that REALLY says somethin' about his character if he's willing to work under the most horrible terrible republican that ever was on the face of this earth.

    What does that say about his Integrity?

      1. HistoriCat

        They'll be sad that daddy won't be away from home as much.

        "Why can't daddy go get a job like a normal father?"

  7. nonbeliever7

    Frothy Asshole went on to say "I want to be the guy that explains to my granddaughter why her mom died in the great Iran War of 2013 and why her dad had to sell everything to pay ob/gyn bills for her 14 year old sister. That's the America I believe in."

  8. BarackMyWorld

    The real question: Is Mitt Romney dumb enough to nominate Santorum for Vice President?

  9. OneYieldRegular

    I think he's already going to have quite enough explaining to do to his grandchildren as it is.

  10. Tundra Grifter

    Since everybody knows Rubio will be the Veep choice no matter whom is nominated, this shadow play isn't really cute, at all.

  11. Redhead

    Santorum explodes at reporter, later issues apology oozing with fake sincerity as he brown-noses up to Romney…

    uggg I need to go vomit now.

  12. owhatever

    Former Senator Santorum, you said today that your wife is busting her tail. When did she grow it, and is it furry or reptilian? What happens when you pull on it? Or did you mean that you were the one busting her tail in the marital sense? Do you want to sit with your granddaughter in twenty years and be the one to tell her that grandma has a tail, or check to see if she, too, has one? Your comments, please.

        1. Jus_Wonderin

          It is very liberal here related to drinking. I could probably start in the office so that when I get in (Dallas) drivetime…I am prepared.

  13. weej_bain

    Yo Frothy, gonna be real hard for Mittens to move to the center with you on the ticket. But hey Rmoney could show the world that he can have a bigger brain fart than Walnutz did when he tapped Lou Sarah.

      1. Fukui-sanYesOta

        That would be an awesome concession speech.

        Well, we tried, but (points to Santorum) this fucking guy had to keep shooting his mouth off with his 15th Century bullshit. Thanks. Also, fuck you guys, and the trees in Michigan are crap, and Anne has no Cadillacs but instead fourteen Mercedes and also I hated meeting every one of you. Fuck you all.

  14. Wilcoxyz

    I hope Mitt straps him to the top of the campaign bus and and stops to hose him off whenever Santorum leaks.

  15. LesBontemps

    So Santorum has adopted a Marxist philosophy, to wit:

    "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them … well, I have others." — G. Marx.

  16. Callyson

    "I'll do whatever is necessary to help our country"
    Which is why I said that Obama would be better than Mittens…

    1. doloras

      Can't you just imagine Pope Benny XVI and whoever the Mormon Church President is meeting in the Oval Office and high-fiving?

  17. GOPCrusher

    So, last week Santorum said that Rmoney was the worst Republiklan candidate, but now he's willing to play second fiddle to him?
    Way to stick to your convictions, you stupid asshole.
    (I apologize to any and all stupid assholes that may have been offended by being compared to the Ayatollah Santorum)

  18. An_Outhouse

    Today, I am thankful that the shitty network at work seems to block a lot of these videos.

  19. Isyaignert

    Republicons are such liars. So Frothy's had five days off in ten months – I guess he was having a stragegery meeting with himself on the lounge chair by the pool. It's good work if you can get it.

  20. freddymcmurray

    That beach photo must be another example of how Rick has been "working his tail off" (except Thanksgiving and Xmas, natch). The jokes, they write themselves.

  21. Wile E. Quixote

    The headline should read:
    Santorum Would Love to be Romney's Bitch"
    or
    Santorum. "I'm all about catching if Romney's doing the pitching."

  22. Wile E. Quixote

    Now if we could get some enterprising reporter to ask Mittens as to whether or not he'd be willing to have Frothy as his Veep. The answer would either be:

    "I don't follow Rick Santorum, but I do have friends who own lube companies."
    or
    "Frothy mixes are people, my friend"

  23. C_R_Eature

    Semi -OT, but…I've noticed that every time there's a Santorum post I have to ride out a wave of Nausea before I can come to grips with the story. It might be the
    Santorum jokes, but I just think it's his vile personality.

    Does this happen to anyone else?

  24. Chet Kincaid

    "I don't wanna be the guy who has to sit with my granddaughter 20 years from now and tell stories about an America where people once were free. I don't wanna have that conversation…I'll do whatever is necessary to help our country."

    There you go, Secret Service, he pretty much placed himself along the motorcade on Inauguration Day with a rifle and scope. Take him out now.

    1. MadBrahms

      It's certainly hard to live in an America where the threat of white slavery hangs over our heads like a pall. Someone needs to defend us against the Barbary Pirates.

  25. Chet Kincaid

    See, Southern Baptists? You can't trust the Catholics not to go along with the Mormons. Half-apostasy ain't no better than full heresy. I'd sit out this election if I were you, 'cause God has forsaken your sorry country asses.

  26. DahBoner

    Marketplace Morning Report: COULD THE GOVERNMENT FORCE YOU TO BUY BROCOLI?

    First brocoli, then sweater vests…

  27. tamsie

    play it with the sound off and check the body language – he's wincing and shaking his head "no" the whole time.

  28. Tommy1733

    This explains why he was so testy about the NYT reporter "misrepresenting" his publicly-stated views (which may be partly true but is not likely to have been deliberate) – Taliban Rick is thinking (and probably has for some time) that he wants to be the Veep of Mitts, so he did not want Mitts to think Taliban Rick was slamming him in public.

Comments are closed.