A law firm with ties to the California GOP is deeply bothered to see Mexican-American Jose Hernandez’s name on the ballot for U.S. Congress (that is not the joke yet, but we could probably just stop there, ha ha) because he has listed himself as “astronaut” on the line for his occupation. Hernandez, the son of migrant Mexican laborers, is a recently retired astronaut, a fact the law firm pointed out in a lawsuit filed last week. This means that Hernandez is CHEATING, by describing himself according to his career accomplishments over the span of more than say, the last week. May the Republicans suggest a more rule-abiding generalized occupational description such as “Brown person” instead?

The Fresno Bee reports:

In a pointed new challenge, a Sacramento law firm is asking a judge to block Hernandez from describing himself as an “astronaut/scientist/engineer” on the June ballot. The lawsuit notes Hernandez has left NASA.

“Hernandez’s attempted use of ‘astronaut’ violates the Election Code’s unambiguous requirement that a candidate’s ballot designation reflect one’s current profession, vocation, or one held during the previous calendar year,” the lawsuit states.

The lawsuit quietly filed Wednesday in Sacramento County Superior Court by the firm Bell, McAndrews & Hiltachk strikes right at the heart of Hernandez’s biography. It’s a life story he’s making considerable use of as he seeks to challenge freshman Rep. Jeff Denham, R-Turlock.

What a fun trend this could be, minorities having to go to court for permission to publicly associate with their life’s work! There’s some job creation for you: Hernandez says on his Facebook page that it will cost $20,000 to hire lawyers to defeat the lawsuit.

Disgraced megalomaniacs like Newt Gingrich will still be referred to by their former titles such as “Mr. Speaker,” but only as a special reward for being forced to resign his post in shame. [Fresno Bee/ Facebook]

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  • Barb

    And yet, Palin is still referred to as "Governor"

    • Funny thing is that all of these are "life titles". I was mayor of a podunk NJ township 10 years ago and still get to use Hon. Johnny Zhivago and Mayor Johnny Zhivago all I want. I also get special license plates – and the unending scorn of most of the township's residents.

      (The BEST was putting "Hon" on my United Frequent Flyer Account – they think I'm a judge or something)

      • HateMachine

        I've always thought that if I were ever a mayor or governor I would need to leave the city/state after my tenure was over. No matter what I did in office, the town after that would be like a fucked-up version of Cheers, "where everybody loathes your name."

        • Don't even get me started on that!  The bottom line for me was I was blamed for – raising taxes (and I was nominally a Republican). However the increase was about 2% and the town had voted to do it (it was related to open space purchases).  The nice thing  was getting to marry people and get to know a lot of folks, most of them insane who lived in town and came to the meetings. The bad part was the politics and the fact that 90% of the stuff you worked on were drainage issues or road repair problems.

          If you enjoyed having strangers call you up and scream at you in the middle of the night – and spend 1 night a week listening to lawyers and engineers arguing for 4 hours about runoff, it was a great gig.

          • Negropolis

            (and I was nominally a Republican)

            But, then you saw the light, right, right?

            **crossing fingers & holding breath**

          • As a lifelong Democrat, it was somewhat offensive to have to become a Republican to run for local office, but other like minded people did it – and the Republicans were the only game in town. At this low level – at least in NJ – it had nothing to do with anything on the national level.  After I left office (ok, lost a primary!)  I went back to being a registered Democrat.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            There is no higher calling in politics than road repair. This is the stuff on which entire civilizations are based.

            Drainage issues, however, are a slippery slope, and the downfall of many a fledgling pol.

          • James Michael Curley

            A lot of readers here think you are joking.

          • Negropolis

            You are not kidding. Our local drain commissioner is a stickler for details, and if you'd believe his critics, a militant environmentalist. But, since he's been in office so long and since where I live is dark blue, they can never oust the guy. lol

      • Not_So_Much

        I became an interwebz minister to officiate a marriage for my niece. I put Rev. on my Delta account and they're waaaay nicer about not providing me any service whatsoever.

        • Dashboard Buddha

          If it's the online church I'm thinking of, my pals and I used it to start "Maine's First Online Church".

          Our Lady of Spontaneous Combustion

          Good times…great times!

      • finallyhappy

        really? cause hon is what everyone in Baltimore called

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      She is a governor: The more the country threatens to make progress, she more she spins and the more she generates output that throttles the process.

    • Abernathy

      Palin being still referred to at all is bad enough.

    • YasserArraFeck

      I always though "Governor" was being used ironically

    • Lynne

      That was the first thing I thought of too. Quitter ex-half-term "governor" to be exact. Bet she'd have hissy fit if anyone in the GOP addressed her in those terms.

    • Kidneys4Sale

      If it is, as they say, that brevity is the soul of wit, that makes the governorship of Sarah Palin the funniest fucking joke EVER.

    • FieryLocks

      Worse, she's treated as if she's relevant.

  • Wait… what are Rick Santorum or Mitt Romney's current jobs?

    • Douché

      Unemployed Douche-bags. I think they should have to post that title as well.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      "Pope" and "Robotic Turbo-Panderer" respectively.

    • arihaya

      welfare queens

    • Beowoof

      From all the available evidence it looks lying and fapping are what the do all day.

    • Asshole. (Not you! Mitt 'nRick.)

    • MaryRachelKate

      I would call Newt and Rick lobbyists – the most evil job ever. Mitt – retired moderate who I could have voted for but is currently acting in a play called Right Wing nut

    • comrad_darkness

      "Hobo grifters"

      Funny this guy never challenged them on that.

  • SayItWithWookies

    …right up until he becomes president, in which case his occupation is "Muslim."

  • McCain as War Hero…
    Dick "dick" Cheney as human being…
    Deposed Fatbody Newtie Gingrich as Honorable.

  • littlebigdaddy

    You know he was really just a groundskeeper at NASA.

    • extreme_left

      yeah but he's not doing it any more

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      But what's with the orange suit? Was he on a work-release program?

    • YasserArraFeck

      As soon as they realized that Mars was too hot for lawn, they fired his ass

    • unclejeems

      Groundskeeper is an important job at Starfleet Academy.

      • Naked_Bunny

        +1000. Nerd.

  • edgydrifter

    Do you really want to represent someplace named Turd-lock? Even as an
    ex-astronaut, that's beneath you.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Putting the "ass" in "astronaut."

    • Barrelhse

      When you're an astronaut EVERYTHING is beneath you!

    • unclejeems

      Turdlock is the home of Stanislaus State, er, University, which is so backward, it's psych lab has just one rat named, oddly enough, Jeff Denham.

    • Pat_Pending

      I've been to Turlock. It is everything its name implies.

  • MarcelleMarceau

    Résumé libel.

    • GreatChristiano

      space travel libel.

  • Texan_Bulldog


    I think it's supposed to read 'day laborer/bus boy/burrito maker' since those are the only browns these type of people know.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The GOPtards are pretty sure he just mopped the floors on the Space Shuttle. Of course, in zero G, even that takes a vast amount of techincal expertise and years of training.

      • What are these strange words you use, "technical," "expertise," and "training"?

  • Me_K_Cong

    How about instead of "Astronaut" we say "Fourteenth Mexican in Space" on the ballot. That should meet the letter of the law.

    • An_Outhouse

      who were the first 13?

      • Me_K_Cong

        I admit I just picked a number. There have been at least three black astronauts I know of, so the Mexicans must be up in the teens.

        • Negropolis

          There have actually been fourteen African Americans in space, two of whom were killed on the Challenger and Columbia, respectively. There have been nine Hispanic Americans in space, three of whom are Mexican American.

          The More You Know!

          • moar_plz

            "The Tenth Mexican" – In Theaters Summer 2012

          • Gracias, dood.

      • Biff

        I don't know about the next 12, but Jose Jimenez was #1.

    • Boojum

      Space Messicans: Bringing new meaning to "illegal alien."

      • YasserArraFeck

        He's the only astronaut that had to bring his birth certificate into space

    • horsedreamer_1

      Los Amigos Invisibles were the first seven Venezuelans in space, so Hernandez is at least the eighth Messican.

      • Venezuelans no es Messcan.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Does he speak Spanish?

          Ergo, Messican.

  • PubOption

    I would like to see what professions are shown for some Republicans. Romney, Santorum or Gingrich could not honestly claim to have been other than professional candidates over the last year.

    • RMONEY *said* he wuz an Unemployedz, just like the rest of us. Is he gonna flipflop on THAT TOO?

  • coolhandnuke

    Should he replace "astronaut" with trans-planetary cab driver to please the Goopers?

  • Exhausted66

    If Mexicans can go into space, why is Newt bothering to colonize the moon?

    • Wilcoxyz

      Who do you think is going to build the moon colony?

      • Serolf_Divad

        And nanny Newt and Callista's brood of 35 genetically engineered Moon babies.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He intends to keep them from landing. It's gonna be one hell of a fence.

    • moar_plz

      Duh, a white guy has to set the wages up there.

  • soeoho

    "In space… no one can hear you scream"
    Same with wonketting. ___________!

    • Barrelhse

      Bad news for Christa McCauliffe.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Yes, Republitards, this is exactly the way to make sure nobody knows the guy's an astronaut: by making a stink about it and getting it publicized and talked about in the media.

    This is what happens when you're out behind the shed, jerking off, when the brains are being handed out.

    • Exhausted66

      Not sure I want to live in a wonkette where jerking off is criticized.

      • Biely wasn't *criticizing,* darlz. If anything, he was *applauding.*

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Golf clap, but yeah.

        • bagofmice

          So we have discovered the sound of one hand f–clapping

          • Er … yeah. That's the ticket. (Pulls hand out of jeans, wipes it off ON jeans)

    • anniegetyerfun

      If this is a liberal ploy, my hat's off to whoever came up with it.

    • sullivanst

      Hernandez announced his run in October. If that's also when he filed, this case will also publicize that Hernandez didn't just work for NASA, he did so recently enough for the case to be dismissed, because his filing would have been made within a year of him jumping to the private sector.

      • Geminisunmars

        You would try to infuse facts into this argument.

        • sullivanst

          I know, I'm a silly liberal.

          He declared his candidacy with the FEC in September, but it looks like the filing date that counts must have been no earlier than February, and therefore after 12 months had elapsed from his leaving NASA. Boo!

          So I guess the question is how do you interpret the phrase from the CA code, "during the calendar year immediately preceding the filing". The CA code defines "year" as 365 days (to highlight the bizarre way lawmakers think, to deal with leap years, the 28th and 29th of February taken together are defined as one day) but it doesn't define "calendar year". To me, the preceding calendar year wouldn't be the 365 days immediately before the filing, but the 365 days of 2011; if that's how the court sees it, it's an easy win for Hernandez.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Bingo! You win a copy of Black's Law Dictionary.

            A decent lawyer should be able to get this bullshit suit tossed with two hours' work, tops. But the publicity is priceless, so why rush?

  • Newt's ballot reads "Liar/Adulterer/Asshole," but nobody has sued him yet.

    • LesBontemps

      Truth is a complete defense.

  • "I am currently a retired astronaut/scientist/engineer"

  • Lucidamente1

    He could go with "Gardener to the Stars."

  • arihaya

    GOP only allows them Messicans to list their occupations as "Farm hand" or "Domestic servant"

    • MaryRachelKate

      Or secret hottie. I still hate preppy men 20 years after college.

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    Jeff Denham? Is that the unfunny cunt with the puppets?

    • anniegetyerfun

      I am still suffering from the memory of being forced to watch that by some relative that should have known better.

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        It's utterly unbearable, isn't it? I watched about ten minutes of it slackjawed at how any one show could be so dire.

        • anniegetyerfun

          My family thought I was being an annoying liberal, but my god, it made Jeff Foxworthy look like a comedic genius.

          • Negropolis

            The only good thing Jeff Foxworthy ever did was Ron White.

          • dubyatf

            Oh my sweet Jesus on a pogo stick: THANK YOU, Fuk & Annie. If I believed in the Biblical fairytales that have such a firm stranglehold on this nation's balls, I'd absolutely believe that Jeff Denham was the Beast. Hell on Earth would be a picnic compared to sitting through the drivel and pap he calls "comedy."
            <Eyes bulge as a thought springs, unbidden, to mind>
            Hey, how many years has Denham been in circulation? And how many years
            is Satan supposed to reign before Commando Jesus comes down out of the sky?

          • anniegetyerfun

            I think it's “Dunham”. No need to sully the good name of Denham. Oh, wait, I guess there's ample reason.I thought that Jesus just sat in the sky and wept bitterly?

  • SorosBot

    If the Republicans are this desperate and pathetic it's a very good sign for the elections.

    • paulabflat

      there's always a linin', right?

  • Boojum

    OT emergency. Somebody copy the longboys site. There is NO protection for Conservative Teen.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Of course not — Conservative Teen isn't allowed to learn about such things.

    • user-of-owls

      Abstinence works.

      • Boojum

        It is as if there were a God, and she was an Iron.

        • user-of-owls

          ??? (and the Mysterians).

          • Ah-HAH! Good to see your downy feavvers here, Owlz.

          • Boojum

            A felon committed a felony; a glutton engaged in gluttony.

            Stolen from Spider Robinson.

  • An_Outhouse

    Could you imagine living in a congressional district where your choices are:

    1) wing nut, crazy but not a retard, tea partier
    – or –
    2) an astronaut

    That's the only choice we get?

    • Callyson

      From my comment below, the choice gets even better (or worse):
      Independent Chad Condit has also announced his intent to challenge Denham in the redrawn 10th Congressional District, which includes Stanislaus County and the southern portion of San Joaquin County.
      Guess whose son he is?

      • LakeLucilleLoon

        But has he murdered an intern? If not then he's definitely not his father's son.

    • What's wrong with the fucking astronaut, Choosey?

      • An_Outhouse

        nothing wrong with an astronaut. It just seemed a bit intimidating to us common folk. Plus I don't like heights.

  • Wilcoxyz

    With these new space Mexicans, I'm thinking that danged fence is gonna need to be taller.

    • extreme_left

      thats actually the plan, build a big tacho joint on the moon so all the space messicans go there..loads of tequila and they will lose keys to spaceship, no need for a dang fence..easy…i always knew gingrich was a thinker.

      • LakeLucilleLoon

        The tequila will just encourage the bimbos in bikinis. They can't survive on the moon.

        • extreme_left

          in peculiar irony they will have to build a fence to keep me out from keeping bikini space maidens warm…as for bimbo's..i have run out of things to talk about any way.

        • Biff

          Yet another reawakening for Bill Shatner's career.

      • EmileZoloft

        Are tachos tachyon tacos? Because bravo, sir. Opening a faster-than-light-food place on the moon is brilliant. They only have one restaurant there (the food is great, but it lacks atmosphere).

      • You omitted an 'S.'

    • Loaded_Pants

      A fence is not going to do the trick. We need to build a dome to cover America.
      Build the damn dome!
      Sorry, Alaska, Hawaiian Islands, & Puerto Rico. You all are on your own when it comes to being invaded by the Mexican astronauts.

  • Douché

    I guess this is what the GOP meant by tort reform. I mean obviously this lawsuit and the subsequent monies that will be spent to defend it were not what they have been talking about reforming for years. Skull-fucking asshats.

    • anniegetyerfun

      They are creating jerbs, and you should be proud.

    • extreme_left

      tortilla reform?

      • Douché


        • extreme_left

          muchas gracias.. i always thought they were on about fancy french cakes

          • Douché

            No, you mistake your fake American outrage, that was when we started eating Freedom fries, because the French correctly questioned our pending invasion of Iraq. You should really start to correctly direct your Snark. This is a whole different version of douche-baggery, and should not be confused with actual fake outrage. Klar?

          • extreme_left

            que? as a citizen of the 54th state i'm not faking my actual fake outrage at yet another manifestation of douchery and torte reform makes me hungry anyway… im just programming a programme to get me the fuck outta here

  • user-of-owls

    El Cóndor Pasa.

    • Depends on what it's pasing.

    • RadioStalingrad

      If the roadies don't mind.

  • Build the dang (space) fence!

    • north_of_moscow


  • north_of_moscow

    Build the danged shield generator!

    • Negropolis

      BTW, can't they at least place a few louvers over the ventilation shafts next time?

  • Danged gubbermint employees! Astronauts are no different from Amtrak conductors, except they operate spaceships instead of trains. Don't mention NASA or Amtrak in the Constitution does it?

    • Negropolis

      Which is funny, because the minute Obama essentially privatized NASA's future space flights, they were screaming about how he'd betrayed the country to Russia.

      • HistoriCat

        He was just trying to hurt Texas – I know because I read the comments in the Houston Chronicle on the changes.

  • dadanarchist

    Which Republican will refer to him as an Illegal Alien Space Bandito first?

    • doloras

      He can't be a space bandito, I don't hear any maracas.

      • Boojum

        That's because, in space, no one can hear your seeds.

        • Every sperm is saaa-cred … wait, wut?

          Oh. Wrong song.

        • Negropolis

          **golf clap**

      • Oh, hon, they're NOT playing maracas, they're playing MACACAS!

    • Biff

      Badges? We don't got to show you no steenking badges!

  • Wilcoxyz

    Leaf blower or jet pack? Looks suspicious either way.

    • extreme_left

      at least in space no one can hear a fuckin leaf blower

  • LesBontemps

    Space-Messicans, yikes!

  • PeaceWithHonor

    Let the Swift-boating begin.

  • KennyFuckingPowers

    Mr Hernandez, If you'd let me, I'd like to tell these no goods to STFU. May I do so on your behalf? Sir?

  • I have a feeling if Hernandez put "Chicken Sexer" as his occupation, he'd still look classier than someone who tries to litigate their way into office.

  • RadioStalingrad

    Campaign Slogan:
    Arriba, Arriba,
    Andale, Andale.

    • Huh?

      • You know, that's how them Uppitty Browns talk. Speedy Gonzalez?

        • MaryRachelKate

          But it was funny porque eso es lo que hacen los astronautas – andale! andale! arriba y arriba!

          Translation: that is what astronauts do hurry! hurry! up! up!

        • RadioStalingrad

          Ees my seester in Los Angeles.

          • Y Ur seester es en Los Angeles, dood?

          • RadioStalingrad

            Asspirating actress.

    • The California Republicans offered to settle for "Space Lettuce Picker".

  • docterry6973

    $20K to defend the suit? A million wouldn't buy the publicity that Hernandez will get by this time tomorrow. Which shouldn't stop him from fundraising off this starting yesterday.

    • Lynne

      That's so right. And as an example, I had no idea Mr. Hernandez even existed, let alone was running for office. I can hardly wait to check him out on line and find out about his career as an astronaut. He might just be the next guy I send a campaign contribution to. In fact, it's highly likely. I think they may have done him a huge favor.

      • MaryRachelKate

        I wouldn't even bother to defend it. He can change it to Retired Astronaut. It still sounds cool. My mom is Mexican, I don't think she even knows there are Mexican Astronauts. I didn't but most Mexicans aren't as race conscious because as a group we are multi racial.

  • NewYorkJew

    And look, he's even got NASA to lie for him:

    • rickmaci

      What a show off. You'd think he co-invented some life saving medical device…oh, never mind.

  • Callyson

    "Hernandez's attempted use of 'astronaut' violates the Election Code's unambiguous requirement that a candidate's ballot designation reflect one's current profession, vocation, or one held during the previous calendar year," the lawsuit states…
    The French Camp native, born into a farmworker family, trained as an engineer at the University of the Pacific and was selected as an astronaut candidate in May 2004. He flew aboard the shuttle Discovery in 2009 and left NASA in January 2011.
    So, we are tying up the courts over two months? What was that crap from the wingnuts about our "litigious society" again?

    • Negropolis

      Spaces, Cally, spaces.

  • Limeylizzie

    I'm betting that Senor Spaceman is a lot more attractive than his opponent.

    • Loaded_Pants

      I'm a sucker for a man in a spacesuit.

      • I'm a sucker for a man in a birfday suit.

        Of course, neither Newt Gingrinch nor Slick Santorum qualifies as a "man."

  • coolhandnuke

    They did the same thing to me when I ran for Dogcatcher in my small town because I listed Vice Pope as one of my former occupations.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      You were Pope of Vice? I'd love that damn job.

      • coolhandnuke

        Get in line brother.

    • See, if you'd just left out teh "Vice" part …

  • I checked the background story on celebrated astronaut-turned-politician John Glenn:

    "…In 1964 Glenn announced that he was resigning from the space program to run against Young, but withdrew when he hit his head on a bathtub."

    Interesting! Still, when challenged by Metzenbaum that as an astronaut/ military serviceman Glenn wouldn't pass muster for "never having held down a job":

    He told Metzenbaum to go to a veterans' hospital and "look those men with mangled bodies in the eyes and tell them they didn't hold a job." ..Glenn won the primary by 54 to 46%

    Watch it with the tripwire planting, flinty legal beagles. The back you break may be your own.

  • GreatChristiano

    His name alone Jose Hernandez should get the majority vote on its own merits.

  • Callyson

    Independent Chad Condit has also announced his intent to challenge Denham in the redrawn 10th Congressional District, which includes Stanislaus County and the southern portion of San Joaquin County.
    That's right, the son of Gary…they're baaaack!

    • docterry6973

      Let's see the wiki machine for Chad (somehow I automatically love men who call themselves Chad).

      BA in HR. Navy. Legislative aide. Campaign manager for father. Sued by Fair Political Political Practices Commission for misuse of father's campaign funds. Case dismissed. Sued by Baskin-Robbins (!) for failing to meet franchise obligations, no disposition listed.

      No migrant labor. No MS in engineering. No improved mammogram screening machine. No astronaut. No aquanaut. No shuttle trip. But what the hell, his name is fuckin' Chad so I say vote for him.

      • Guppy

        "No MS in engineering"

        All things considered, having an engineering degree does not make one a better human being. I mean, do we really want someone in Congress who can't talk to girls?

  • anniegetyerfun

    Off-topic, but how cute is the name Fresno Bee? It's so cute!

    • Biff

      Owned by McClatchy, who also own the Sacramento Bee. Not very original, are they?

    • MaryRachelKate

      Nothing is cute in Fresno

    • Tundra Grifter

      Where's the rest of the name?

      Fresno Bee what?

  • barto

    Sorry guys, he's still an astronaut/scientist/awesome brown dude whether he's employed or not.

    • Unlike MINT RMONEY, Senor Hernandez is NOT one of Teh Unemployedz. He is employed in the private sector, according to his current resume.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Denham's campaign is not publicly affiliated with the legal challenge, though campaign records show the law firm has previously done legal work for the Denham campaign committee. A campaign spokesman could not be reached Friday.

    Funny, that. Usually campaign spokespeople are SUPPOSED to be available. To spokesspeak.

  • LakeLucilleLoon


  • anniegetyerfun

    I find his picure reassuringly easy to masturbate to.

    • moar_plz

      Oh, that gets an upfist.

  • Chichikovovich

    I just checked Hernández's Wikipedia page. (There are, as you would expect, several José Hernández's in the world. So make sure you get the Wikipedia page that is titled:

    José Hernández (astronaut)

    He's quite an impressive guy. I'd propose that he litigate to the end, but putting up a kind of crummy defence – maybe get a disbarred alcoholic lawyer who can be counted on to vomit on the judge at least once.

    Then, after the court rules he has to change the listing, file one that says “astronaut/scientist/engineer/breast cancer screening mammogram machine developer".

    Then, after the subsequent further lawsuit and further publicity, file one that says “astronaut/scientist/engineer/breast cancer screening mammogram machine developer/aquanaut" ….

    Keep going until the opponent gets wise. Which, of course, will probably be never.

    • docterry6973

      Migrant worker who learned English at 12. BS in EE ten years later, MS in EE a year after that. Then Livermore Labs, NASA engineer / astronaut / aquanaut, shuttle flight.

      I suppose he thinks that makes him special.

      • sullivanst

        It's all affirmative action, of course…

        • docterry6973

          Think of all the rich white kids who never got handed a job at Livermore Labs. It just ain't fair, I tell ya.

        • I know. I used to have little aneurysms reading about how Hopey went to two of the best schools in the world (both private colleges, and therefore not bound by Affirmative Action edicts except in areas where gubmint $$ were applied) and graduated Magna cum Laude because of Affirmative Action. Like law school at Hah-vahd is SO FUCKING EASY that just anybody can get to become President of their Law Review.

    • rickmaci

      For those who want to know more, here is his wiki bio. F'ing impressive guy

      By the way, the Cali Elections code would allow him to use the description "retired astronaut/engineer".

    • Why do you use the word "wise," when you KNOW you're talking about Republizards?

      • Biff

        I think the only wise one in this equation is the latino.

        • I'm still blown away by this guy's incredible accomplishments. From migrant farmworker/starving unschooled kid to inventor/astronaut in less time than it took me to quit smoking weed.

  • dadanarchist

    If the Space Mexicans and the Moon Nazis team up, we're going to be really fucked.

    Sorry, couldn't resist.

  • LakeLucilleLoon

    Real Astronauts don diapers and drive cross country to confront their cheating boyfriends. You good sir are no astronaut!

  • Rotundo_

    Look for the repubs to resurrect that asshole from the 60's doing the astronaut bit "My Name Jose Jimenez" in their pac purchased ads against him, thinking this will work for them. The assholes just never, ever stop.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Suing him for saying he's an astronaut is a great way to bring attention to the fact that he's an astronaut. Great move there, GOP.

    • Guppy

      Even in California, the GOP can still find attorneys who've never heard of the Streisand Effect.

  • rickmaci

    Why do Republicans hate our American Heroes?

    • ChessieNefercat

      Because they hate Americans and Americans.
      No, wait a minute, that wasn't snark.

      • Yeah, watch it lady/gentleman. You gotta *differentiate* that snark.

  • Antispandex

    " In an inverview, Mr. Limbaugh said, 'How could the guy be an astronaut? They don't even use leaf blowers in the space program'. Mr. Limbaugh was then forced to retract his comment, after he lost his last sponsor".

    • Dood, I think that already happened. He's advertising Sugar Daddies dot com or something, now. In between dead air and PSAs.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    One day I hope to be so successful white people will file lawsuits to keep me from talking about it.

  • MissTaken

    And today we have reason #4751 why I'm ashamed to have been born and raised in Sacramento.

    • Biff

      A friend there refers to it as the godforsakenvalleythattimeforgot.

    • Negropolis

      Sacramento really isn't that bad; it's all the crap strung out over hundreds of miles to the south through the valleys that you have to be worried about.

  • finallyhappy

    I am now officially a 1%er- in the current poll on the side here- I already saw the Hunger Games made me a 1%er. When do I get my money??

  • Steverino247

    OK. Here's a bright young kid, helping his family in the fields as a migrant farm worker. Somebody recognizes that he's pretty smart so he's sent to a special educational program to develop his intellect which works pretty fucking great because (list multiple accomplishments most of us have no idea how to do). These assholes are opposing him because he's the poster child for educating every child in the school district, not just the white ones or the ones who are here legally. That's why they're fighting him.

    I have to put up with that shit all the time where I live and it pisses me off. I'm glad I now have a person I can point to and say, "Some white taxpayers paid for this brown kid's education and look what we got for it! Stop being stingy and educate children. All of them!"

    • I'm pretty sure what you just said is virtually the same as part of an Obama campaign talk he gave within the last week.

      • Steverino247

        I gotta stop CC'ing my rants about the local school district to the White House…

        Seriously, though, you would think that those who oppose abortion because we might be killing the next (name of famous scientist or humanitarian) would support educating all children because we might be educating the next (name of famous scientist/humanitarian), but nooooooo.

      • See my reply to Steverino, below.

        In the corporate world, I notice that when a Brown/Blah says something, the Whys at the top of the ladder develop sudden hearing difficulties. However, these difficulties do not prevent them from repeating almost verbatim whatever bright idea the Brown/Blah might have voiced, and claiming full credit for it.

        So, Obama said it? Fuck that. Steverino said it? Wow, hey, cool!

    • docterry6973

      Sounds like Mr. 'Hernandez' has been sucking at the government teat his whole life.

    • You tell 'em, Steverino. I'm guessing they're much less likely to argue with all 6'4" weapons-trained military hero-ness of you. (Us short brown types have no luck with these dumb mofos. They're all like, "I'm'a stand mah ground and blow your ass away, sucka.")

  • ChessieNefercat

    I hate Republicans.
    Can't think of anything to add.

    • Well, you probly could, but, you know, it woud be rude and mean and seriously raise your blood pressure and bile levels.

  • YasserArraFeck

    "Houston, tenemos una problema!!!"

    • I don't think Houston speaks "the language of the ghetto," dood.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba
        • Oh, noez! Quick, someone alert Carlos Slim! Oh, wait, he's one of them FURRN ghetto-languagers, in't he? Darn.

        • HistoriCat

          The Woodlands? The Woodlands??? Hahahahahahaha!!!!!

          The pasty motherfuckers living there must be shitting themselves. They moved 30 miles outside of Houston to get away from those people.

      • Negropolis

        I was kind of surprised to find the other day that Houston is now the most ethnically/racially diverse major metropolitan area in the entire country. It's come a long way.

        • Yes, it has. One of my long-ago exes used to live there, and given the things he said about Teh Culludz, it sounds like it used to be a real redneck town.

        • HistoriCat

          In addition to a strong Hispanic presence and historically significant African-American communities, Houston also has a very large Vietnamese community. Once the current generation of Republican blowhards dies out, Houston might be a decent place.

          Well, except for the heat, humidity, and horrendous traffic of course.

  • owhatever

    Let's not think this is a racist attack, just because it is.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It would be racist to mention the fact.

    • Negropolis

      To do such a thing would be racist, because pointing oout racism is racism in itself.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    So can I file a lawsuit against Jeff Denham because he's violating the Election Code by not stating "Whiny Little Punk-ass Teatard Bitch" as his profession?

  • joeytranchina

    What was the line from "Evita?'"

    "They call me a 'whore' — they call me a 'whore'"
    Yes, but, Evita, they still call me "Admiral' and I haven't been to sea for years."

  • Stevola

    "Where is his space certificate" Hee hee, are the critics called Spacers?

  • elfgoldsackring

    "Oh, I have to put my current occupation? OK, it's 'Sexual satisfaction provider to frustrated wives of doughy impotent wingnuts'. Too long? Yeah, I get that a lot…"

  • MinAgain

    Where do I send my check for his defense fund?

  • Veritas78

    Y'all do know that "breast cancer screening mammogram machine developer" is just Hispanic for "abortionist", right?

  • SpeedoFart

    "What a fun trend this could be, minorities having to go to court for permission to publicly associate with their life’s work!"

    Brilliant! I wonder why no one has thought of that before!

    I mean, besides the Birther scum. They showed us that minorities can't take credit for ANYTHING– even being born!

  • unclejeems

    Hernandez has about $100 K on hand right now, according to Big Boy Denham has more nearly $1 million, with big chunks of that raised from the "crop production" and "casino" "industries." Read corporations and corruption.

    Jeff Denham–another poster boy for corporate greed, v. a brown astronaut. I'd vote for the guy in the orange suit.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Denham may get to wear an orange jumpsuit someday, so you should always double-check before voting.

  • MissArt

    You are so wrong about Newt. He did not resign in shame. He has no shame, so how could he resign in it? Did he borrow someone else's shame? Maybe Calista let him borrow some…

  • Steverino247

    The life of Rep. Jeff Denham, R-Turlock is going to be the subject of a new opera!

    "I am the very model of a modern major asshole!"

  • horsedreamer_1

    Receiving frivolous lawsuit from David Bowie's nipple antenna.

    Larry Craig thinks that it's hot.

  • #uhohbrownpeople

    • Danger! Danger! (wingnut heads begin to revolve like Lost in Space robot's)

  • mavenmaven

    so I guess it should be alright to call him governor hernandez, since that title currently doesn't mean having an actual job.

  • Wow, some classic lawyering here. They mistake every tactic for a good one. Hope the first judge to see this laughs it right back out the door.
    The GOP should follow through with the whole plan even if this case gets thrown out. Go ahead and produce that scary ad with the voice over "Jose Hernandez calls himself an astronaut, but he's not an astronaut. Why is Jose Hernandez LYING?". These people know how to lose.

  • moar_plz

    No! Goddammit NO! You can't have Messicans goin inta space! That ruins our whole story! We're gonna sue your ass!

  • Negropolis

    Kind of hard to snark about. I guess Republicans are getting all their hate in before the end of the Mayan calender.

  • MaryRachelKate

    He's cute, is he single? Wait, he lives in Fresno never mind!

    ~SoCal Beige Person

  • bagofmice

    I bet you could cross a lot of borders at 20,000 miles per hour. Goldang space-backs.

  • crybabyboehner

    Retired astronaut? More like "quitter" !!!!

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    That's weird. Other Republicans love to remind us Obama is still a community organizer despite going on to finish law school cum laude. Also, amazingly, Romney is still a "business man"

  • ttommyunger

    So, when is Sheriff Joe R. Piehole going to show up with Steven Segall and their tank to take this beaner down?

  • DahBoner

    He decided to become an astronaut after he watched Star Trek as a kid and became worried there were no Mexicans in the future…

  • Really, if that's the rule, then they've all just got to list themselves as "politician." Not only boring, but also uninformative.

    Also, too, I blogged about this the other day at

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Now I am wondering what Bill Dana/Jose Jimenez have been up to lately.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Okay, life (and politics) has just gotten officially sad. Fuck them.

  • devenderly

    I love the smell of GOP desperation in March. It smells like… victory in November.

  • Tundra Grifter

    This is not good news for "Joe," "the Plumber."

  • HenryWarren

    "The suit notes that Hernandez reported to the clerk of the House of Representatives that he received $150,000 from work as the "executive director for strategic operations" with MEI Technologies." "Astronaut" does have much more of a ring to it than "Lobbyist for defense contractor" doesn't it? I'd put Astronaut too.

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