CA Republicans Sue Hispanic Dem Candidate For Being Too Inspirational

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

WHERE IS HIS SPACE CERTIFICATE.

A law firm with ties to the California GOP is deeply bothered to see Mexican-American Jose Hernandez’s name on the ballot for U.S. Congress (that is not the joke yet, but we could probably just stop there, ha ha) because he has listed himself as “astronaut” on the line for his occupation. Hernandez, the son of migrant Mexican laborers, is a recently retired astronaut, a fact the law firm pointed out in a lawsuit filed last week. This means that Hernandez is CHEATING, by describing himself according to his career accomplishments over the span of more than say, the last week. May the Republicans suggest a more rule-abiding generalized occupational description such as “Brown person” instead?

The Fresno Bee reports:

In a pointed new challenge, a Sacramento law firm is asking a judge to block Hernandez from describing himself as an “astronaut/scientist/engineer” on the June ballot. The lawsuit notes Hernandez has left NASA.

“Hernandez’s attempted use of ‘astronaut’ violates the Election Code’s unambiguous requirement that a candidate’s ballot designation reflect one’s current profession, vocation, or one held during the previous calendar year,” the lawsuit states.

The lawsuit quietly filed Wednesday in Sacramento County Superior Court by the firm Bell, McAndrews & Hiltachk strikes right at the heart of Hernandez’s biography. It’s a life story he’s making considerable use of as he seeks to challenge freshman Rep. Jeff Denham, R-Turlock.

What a fun trend this could be, minorities having to go to court for permission to publicly associate with their life’s work! There’s some job creation for you: Hernandez says on his Facebook page that it will cost $20,000 to hire lawyers to defeat the lawsuit.

Disgraced megalomaniacs like Newt Gingrich will still be referred to by their former titles such as “Mr. Speaker,” but only as a special reward for being forced to resign his post in shame. [Fresno Bee/ Facebook]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 255 comments }

Barb March 26, 2012 at 5:59 pm

And yet, Palin is still referred to as "Governor"

johnnyzhivago March 26, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Funny thing is that all of these are "life titles". I was mayor of a podunk NJ township 10 years ago and still get to use Hon. Johnny Zhivago and Mayor Johnny Zhivago all I want. I also get special license plates – and the unending scorn of most of the township's residents.

(The BEST was putting "Hon" on my United Frequent Flyer Account – they think I'm a judge or something)

HateMachine March 26, 2012 at 6:10 pm

I've always thought that if I were ever a mayor or governor I would need to leave the city/state after my tenure was over. No matter what I did in office, the town after that would be like a fucked-up version of Cheers, "where everybody loathes your name."

johnnyzhivago March 26, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Don't even get me started on that!  The bottom line for me was I was blamed for – raising taxes (and I was nominally a Republican). However the increase was about 2% and the town had voted to do it (it was related to open space purchases).  The nice thing  was getting to marry people and get to know a lot of folks, most of them insane who lived in town and came to the meetings. The bad part was the politics and the fact that 90% of the stuff you worked on were drainage issues or road repair problems.

If you enjoyed having strangers call you up and scream at you in the middle of the night – and spend 1 night a week listening to lawyers and engineers arguing for 4 hours about runoff, it was a great gig.

Negropolis March 26, 2012 at 11:53 pm

(and I was nominally a Republican)

But, then you saw the light, right, right?

**crossing fingers & holding breath**

Lascauxcaveman March 27, 2012 at 1:22 am

There is no higher calling in politics than road repair. This is the stuff on which entire civilizations are based.

Drainage issues, however, are a slippery slope, and the downfall of many a fledgling pol.

Not_So_Much March 26, 2012 at 6:37 pm

I became an interwebz minister to officiate a marriage for my niece. I put Rev. on my Delta account and they're waaaay nicer about not providing me any service whatsoever.

Dashboard Buddha March 26, 2012 at 9:13 pm

If it's the online church I'm thinking of, my pals and I used it to start "Maine's First Online Church".

Our Lady of Spontaneous Combustion

Good times…great times!

finallyhappy March 26, 2012 at 7:21 pm

really? cause hon is what everyone in Baltimore called

Biel_ze_Bubba March 26, 2012 at 6:22 pm

She is a governor: The more the country threatens to make progress, she more she spins and the more she generates output that throttles the process.

Abernathy March 26, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Palin being still referred to at all is bad enough.

YasserArraFeck March 26, 2012 at 7:46 pm

I always though "Governor" was being used ironically

Lynne March 26, 2012 at 9:02 pm

That was the first thing I thought of too. Quitter ex-half-term "governor" to be exact. Bet she'd have hissy fit if anyone in the GOP addressed her in those terms.

Kidneys4Sale March 26, 2012 at 10:30 pm

If it is, as they say, that brevity is the soul of wit, that makes the governorship of Sarah Palin the funniest fucking joke EVER.

FieryLocks March 29, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Worse, she's treated as if she's relevant.

evan7257 March 26, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Wait… what are Rick Santorum or Mitt Romney's current jobs?

Douché March 26, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Unemployed Douche-bags. I think they should have to post that title as well.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 26, 2012 at 6:09 pm

"Pope" and "Robotic Turbo-Panderer" respectively.

arihaya March 26, 2012 at 6:11 pm

welfare queens

Beowoof March 26, 2012 at 6:20 pm

From all the available evidence it looks lying and fapping are what the do all day.

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Asshole. (Not you! Mitt 'nRick.)

MaryRachelKate March 27, 2012 at 12:37 am

I would call Newt and Rick lobbyists – the most evil job ever. Mitt – retired moderate who I could have voted for but is currently acting in a play called Right Wing nut

comrad_darkness March 27, 2012 at 11:11 pm

"Hobo grifters"

Funny this guy never challenged them on that.

SayItWithWookies March 26, 2012 at 6:01 pm

…right up until he becomes president, in which case his occupation is "Muslim."

ManchuCandidate March 26, 2012 at 6:01 pm

McCain as War Hero…
Dick "dick" Cheney as human being…
Deposed Fatbody Newtie Gingrich as Honorable.

littlebigdaddy March 26, 2012 at 6:02 pm

You know he was really just a groundskeeper at NASA.

extreme_left March 26, 2012 at 6:11 pm

yeah but he's not doing it any more

Biel_ze_Bubba March 26, 2012 at 6:27 pm

But what's with the orange suit? Was he on a work-release program?

YasserArraFeck March 26, 2012 at 7:47 pm

As soon as they realized that Mars was too hot for lawn, they fired his ass

unclejeems March 26, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Groundskeeper is an important job at Starfleet Academy.

Naked_Bunny March 26, 2012 at 10:59 pm

+1000. Nerd.

edgydrifter March 26, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Do you really want to represent someplace named Turd-lock? Even as an
ex-astronaut, that's beneath you.

anniegetyerfun March 26, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Putting the "ass" in "astronaut."

Barrelhse March 26, 2012 at 6:59 pm

When you're an astronaut EVERYTHING is beneath you!

unclejeems March 26, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Turdlock is the home of Stanislaus State, er, University, which is so backward, it's psych lab has just one rat named, oddly enough, Jeff Denham.

Pat_Pending March 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I've been to Turlock. It is everything its name implies.

MarcelleMarceau March 26, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Résumé libel.

GreatChristiano March 26, 2012 at 6:15 pm

space travel libel.

Texan_Bulldog March 26, 2012 at 6:03 pm

"astronaut/scientist/engineer”

I think it's supposed to read 'day laborer/bus boy/burrito maker' since those are the only browns these type of people know.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 26, 2012 at 6:13 pm

The GOPtards are pretty sure he just mopped the floors on the Space Shuttle. Of course, in zero G, even that takes a vast amount of techincal expertise and years of training.

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 8:24 pm

What are these strange words you use, "technical," "expertise," and "training"?

Me_K_Cong March 26, 2012 at 6:03 pm

How about instead of "Astronaut" we say "Fourteenth Mexican in Space" on the ballot. That should meet the letter of the law.

An_Outhouse March 26, 2012 at 6:11 pm

who were the first 13?

Me_K_Cong March 26, 2012 at 6:29 pm

I admit I just picked a number. There have been at least three black astronauts I know of, so the Mexicans must be up in the teens.

Negropolis March 27, 2012 at 12:00 am

There have actually been fourteen African Americans in space, two of whom were killed on the Challenger and Columbia, respectively. There have been nine Hispanic Americans in space, three of whom are Mexican American.

The More You Know!

moar_plz March 27, 2012 at 12:08 am

"The Tenth Mexican" – In Theaters Summer 2012

FROTHY March 27, 2012 at 1:33 am

Gracias, dood.

Biff March 26, 2012 at 11:28 pm

I don't know about the next 12, but Jose Jimenez was #1.

Boojum March 26, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Space Messicans: Bringing new meaning to "illegal alien."

YasserArraFeck March 26, 2012 at 7:48 pm

He's the only astronaut that had to bring his birth certificate into space

horsedreamer_1 March 26, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Los Amigos Invisibles were the first seven Venezuelans in space, so Hernandez is at least the eighth Messican.

FROTHY March 27, 2012 at 1:33 am

Venezuelans no es Messcan.

horsedreamer_1 March 27, 2012 at 8:51 am

Does he speak Spanish?

Ergo, Messican.

PubOption March 26, 2012 at 6:04 pm

I would like to see what professions are shown for some Republicans. Romney, Santorum or Gingrich could not honestly claim to have been other than professional candidates over the last year.

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 10:30 pm

RMONEY *said* he wuz an Unemployedz, just like the rest of us. Is he gonna flipflop on THAT TOO?

coolhandnuke March 26, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Should he replace "astronaut" with trans-planetary cab driver to please the Goopers?

Exhausted66 March 26, 2012 at 6:05 pm

If Mexicans can go into space, why is Newt bothering to colonize the moon?

Wilcoxyz March 26, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Who do you think is going to build the moon colony?

Serolf_Divad March 26, 2012 at 6:53 pm

And nanny Newt and Callista's brood of 35 genetically engineered Moon babies.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 26, 2012 at 6:09 pm

He intends to keep them from landing. It's gonna be one hell of a fence.

moar_plz March 27, 2012 at 12:09 am

Duh, a white guy has to set the wages up there.

soeoho March 26, 2012 at 6:06 pm

"In space… no one can hear you scream"
Same with wonketting. ___________!

Barrelhse March 26, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Bad news for Christa McCauliffe.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 26, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Yes, Republitards, this is exactly the way to make sure nobody knows the guy's an astronaut: by making a stink about it and getting it publicized and talked about in the media.

This is what happens when you're out behind the shed, jerking off, when the brains are being handed out.

Exhausted66 March 26, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Not sure I want to live in a wonkette where jerking off is criticized.

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Biely wasn't *criticizing,* darlz. If anything, he was *applauding.*

Biel_ze_Bubba March 26, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Golf clap, but yeah.

bagofmice March 26, 2012 at 11:51 pm

So we have discovered the sound of one hand f–clapping

FROTHY March 27, 2012 at 1:35 am

Er … yeah. That's the ticket. (Pulls hand out of jeans, wipes it off ON jeans)

anniegetyerfun March 26, 2012 at 6:18 pm

If this is a liberal ploy, my hat's off to whoever came up with it.

sullivanst March 26, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Hernandez announced his run in October. If that's also when he filed, this case will also publicize that Hernandez didn't just work for NASA, he did so recently enough for the case to be dismissed, because his filing would have been made within a year of him jumping to the private sector.

Geminisunmars March 26, 2012 at 10:40 pm

You would try to infuse facts into this argument.

sullivanst March 27, 2012 at 9:06 am

I know, I'm a silly liberal.

He declared his candidacy with the FEC in September, but it looks like the filing date that counts must have been no earlier than February, and therefore after 12 months had elapsed from his leaving NASA. Boo!

So I guess the question is how do you interpret the phrase from the CA code, "during the calendar year immediately preceding the filing". The CA code defines "year" as 365 days (to highlight the bizarre way lawmakers think, to deal with leap years, the 28th and 29th of February taken together are defined as one day) but it doesn't define "calendar year". To me, the preceding calendar year wouldn't be the 365 days immediately before the filing, but the 365 days of 2011; if that's how the court sees it, it's an easy win for Hernandez.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 27, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Bingo! You win a copy of Black's Law Dictionary.

A decent lawyer should be able to get this bullshit suit tossed with two hours' work, tops. But the publicity is priceless, so why rush?

Chill-A-Sketch March 26, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Newt's ballot reads "Liar/Adulterer/Asshole," but nobody has sued him yet.

LesBontemps March 26, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Truth is a complete defense.

DerrickWildcat March 26, 2012 at 6:07 pm

"I am currently a retired astronaut/scientist/engineer"

Lucidamente1 March 26, 2012 at 6:07 pm

He could go with "Gardener to the Stars."

arihaya March 26, 2012 at 6:08 pm

GOP only allows them Messicans to list their occupations as "Farm hand" or "Domestic servant"

MaryRachelKate March 27, 2012 at 12:55 am

Or secret hottie. I still hate preppy men 20 years after college.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 26, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Jeff Denham? Is that the unfunny cunt with the puppets?

anniegetyerfun March 26, 2012 at 6:19 pm

I am still suffering from the memory of being forced to watch that by some relative that should have known better.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 26, 2012 at 6:23 pm

It's utterly unbearable, isn't it? I watched about ten minutes of it slackjawed at how any one show could be so dire.

anniegetyerfun March 26, 2012 at 6:31 pm

My family thought I was being an annoying liberal, but my god, it made Jeff Foxworthy look like a comedic genius.

Negropolis March 27, 2012 at 12:11 am

The only good thing Jeff Foxworthy ever did was Ron White.

dubyatf March 27, 2012 at 3:26 am

Oh my sweet Jesus on a pogo stick: THANK YOU, Fuk & Annie. If I believed in the Biblical fairytales that have such a firm stranglehold on this nation's balls, I'd absolutely believe that Jeff Denham was the Beast. Hell on Earth would be a picnic compared to sitting through the drivel and pap he calls "comedy."
<Eyes bulge as a thought springs, unbidden, to mind>
Hey, how many years has Denham been in circulation? And how many years
is Satan supposed to reign before Commando Jesus comes down out of the sky?

SorosBot March 26, 2012 at 6:08 pm

If the Republicans are this desperate and pathetic it's a very good sign for the elections.

paulabflat March 27, 2012 at 11:46 am

there's always a linin', right?

Boojum March 26, 2012 at 6:08 pm

OT emergency. Somebody copy the longboys site. There is NO protection for Conservative Teen.

SayItWithWookies March 26, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Of course not — Conservative Teen isn't allowed to learn about such things.

user-of-owls March 26, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Abstinence works.

Boojum March 26, 2012 at 6:26 pm

It is as if there were a God, and she was an Iron.

user-of-owls March 26, 2012 at 10:17 pm

??? (and the Mysterians).

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Ah-HAH! Good to see your downy feavvers here, Owlz.

Boojum March 27, 2012 at 12:46 am

A felon committed a felony; a glutton engaged in gluttony.

Stolen from Spider Robinson.

An_Outhouse March 26, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Could you imagine living in a congressional district where your choices are:

1) wing nut, crazy but not a retard, tea partier
– or –
2) an astronaut

That's the only choice we get?

Callyson March 26, 2012 at 6:23 pm

From my comment below, the choice gets even better (or worse):
Independent Chad Condit has also announced his intent to challenge Denham in the redrawn 10th Congressional District, which includes Stanislaus County and the southern portion of San Joaquin County.
Guess whose son he is?

LakeLucilleLoon March 26, 2012 at 6:33 pm

But has he murdered an intern? If not then he's definitely not his father's son.

Chet Kincaid March 26, 2012 at 8:32 pm

What's wrong with the fucking astronaut, Choosey?

An_Outhouse March 27, 2012 at 8:54 am

nothing wrong with an astronaut. It just seemed a bit intimidating to us common folk. Plus I don't like heights.

Wilcoxyz March 26, 2012 at 6:10 pm

With these new space Mexicans, I'm thinking that danged fence is gonna need to be taller.

extreme_left March 26, 2012 at 6:17 pm

thats actually the plan, build a big tacho joint on the moon so all the space messicans go there..loads of tequila and they will lose keys to spaceship, no need for a dang fence..easy…i always knew gingrich was a thinker.

LakeLucilleLoon March 26, 2012 at 6:31 pm

The tequila will just encourage the bimbos in bikinis. They can't survive on the moon.

extreme_left March 26, 2012 at 6:46 pm

in peculiar irony they will have to build a fence to keep me out from keeping bikini space maidens warm…as for bimbo's..i have run out of things to talk about any way.

Biff March 26, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Yet another reawakening for Bill Shatner's career.

EmileZoloft March 26, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Are tachos tachyon tacos? Because bravo, sir. Opening a faster-than-light-food place on the moon is brilliant. They only have one restaurant there (the food is great, but it lacks atmosphere).

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 10:34 pm

You omitted an 'S.'

Loaded_Pants March 26, 2012 at 8:01 pm

A fence is not going to do the trick. We need to build a dome to cover America.
Build the damn dome!
Sorry, Alaska, Hawaiian Islands, & Puerto Rico. You all are on your own when it comes to being invaded by the Mexican astronauts.

Douché March 26, 2012 at 6:10 pm

I guess this is what the GOP meant by tort reform. I mean obviously this lawsuit and the subsequent monies that will be spent to defend it were not what they have been talking about reforming for years. Skull-fucking asshats.

anniegetyerfun March 26, 2012 at 6:20 pm

They are creating jerbs, and you should be proud.

extreme_left March 26, 2012 at 7:05 pm

tortilla reform?

Douché March 26, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Si.

extreme_left March 26, 2012 at 7:25 pm

muchas gracias.. i always thought they were on about fancy french cakes

Douché March 26, 2012 at 7:45 pm

No, you mistake your fake American outrage, that was when we started eating Freedom fries, because the French correctly questioned our pending invasion of Iraq. You should really start to correctly direct your Snark. This is a whole different version of douche-baggery, and should not be confused with actual fake outrage. Klar?

user-of-owls March 26, 2012 at 6:11 pm

El Cóndor Pasa.

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Depends on what it's pasing.

RadioStalingrad March 27, 2012 at 1:45 am

If the roadies don't mind.

Chill-A-Sketch March 26, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Build the dang (space) fence!

north_of_moscow March 26, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Jinx.

north_of_moscow March 26, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Build the danged shield generator!

Negropolis March 27, 2012 at 12:19 am

BTW, can't they at least place a few louvers over the ventilation shafts next time?

johnnyzhivago March 26, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Danged gubbermint employees! Astronauts are no different from Amtrak conductors, except they operate spaceships instead of trains. Don't mention NASA or Amtrak in the Constitution does it?

Negropolis March 27, 2012 at 12:20 am

Which is funny, because the minute Obama essentially privatized NASA's future space flights, they were screaming about how he'd betrayed the country to Russia.

HistoriCat March 27, 2012 at 7:49 am

He was just trying to hurt Texas – I know because I read the comments in the Houston Chronicle on the changes.

dadanarchist March 26, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Which Republican will refer to him as an Illegal Alien Space Bandito first?

doloras March 26, 2012 at 6:20 pm

He can't be a space bandito, I don't hear any maracas.

Boojum March 26, 2012 at 6:30 pm

That's because, in space, no one can hear your seeds.

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Every sperm is saaa-cred … wait, wut?

Oh. Wrong song.

Negropolis March 27, 2012 at 12:21 am

**golf clap**

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Oh, hon, they're NOT playing maracas, they're playing MACACAS!

Biff March 26, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Badges? We don't got to show you no steenking badges!

Wilcoxyz March 26, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Leaf blower or jet pack? Looks suspicious either way.

extreme_left March 26, 2012 at 7:02 pm

at least in space no one can hear a fuckin leaf blower

LesBontemps March 26, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Space-Messicans, yikes!

PeaceWithHonor March 26, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Let the Swift-boating begin.

KennyFuckingPowers March 26, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Mr Hernandez, If you'd let me, I'd like to tell these no goods to STFU. May I do so on your behalf? Sir?

valthemus March 26, 2012 at 6:15 pm

I have a feeling if Hernandez put "Chicken Sexer" as his occupation, he'd still look classier than someone who tries to litigate their way into office.

RadioStalingrad March 26, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Campaign Slogan:
Arriba, Arriba,
Andale, Andale.

Chet Kincaid March 26, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Huh?

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 10:51 pm

You know, that's how them Uppitty Browns talk. Speedy Gonzalez?

MaryRachelKate March 27, 2012 at 12:46 am

But it was funny porque eso es lo que hacen los astronautas – andale! andale! arriba y arriba!

Translation: that is what astronauts do hurry! hurry! up! up!

RadioStalingrad March 27, 2012 at 1:27 am

Ees my seester in Los Angeles.

FROTHY March 27, 2012 at 1:38 am

Y Ur seester es en Los Angeles, dood?

Designer_Rants March 26, 2012 at 10:11 pm

The California Republicans offered to settle for "Space Lettuce Picker".

docterry6973 March 26, 2012 at 6:17 pm

$20K to defend the suit? A million wouldn't buy the publicity that Hernandez will get by this time tomorrow. Which shouldn't stop him from fundraising off this starting yesterday.

Lynne March 26, 2012 at 9:11 pm

That's so right. And as an example, I had no idea Mr. Hernandez even existed, let alone was running for office. I can hardly wait to check him out on line and find out about his career as an astronaut. He might just be the next guy I send a campaign contribution to. In fact, it's highly likely. I think they may have done him a huge favor.

MaryRachelKate March 27, 2012 at 12:50 am

I wouldn't even bother to defend it. He can change it to Retired Astronaut. It still sounds cool. My mom is Mexican, I don't think she even knows there are Mexican Astronauts. I didn't but most Mexicans aren't as race conscious because as a group we are multi racial.

NewYorkJew March 26, 2012 at 6:18 pm

And look, he's even got NASA to lie for him:
http://www.jsc.nasa.gov/Bios/htmlbios/hernandez-j

rickmaci March 26, 2012 at 7:53 pm

What a show off. You'd think he co-invented some life saving medical device…oh, never mind.

Callyson March 26, 2012 at 6:19 pm

"Hernandez's attempted use of 'astronaut' violates the Election Code's unambiguous requirement that a candidate's ballot designation reflect one's current profession, vocation, or one held during the previous calendar year," the lawsuit states…
The French Camp native, born into a farmworker family, trained as an engineer at the University of the Pacific and was selected as an astronaut candidate in May 2004. He flew aboard the shuttle Discovery in 2009 and left NASA in January 2011.
So, we are tying up the courts over two months? What was that crap from the wingnuts about our "litigious society" again?

Negropolis March 27, 2012 at 12:23 am

Spaces, Cally, spaces.

Limeylizzie March 26, 2012 at 6:19 pm

I'm betting that Senor Spaceman is a lot more attractive than his opponent.

Loaded_Pants March 26, 2012 at 8:07 pm

I'm a sucker for a man in a spacesuit.

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 11:18 pm

I'm a sucker for a man in a birfday suit.

Of course, neither Newt Gingrinch nor Slick Santorum qualifies as a "man."

coolhandnuke March 26, 2012 at 6:19 pm

They did the same thing to me when I ran for Dogcatcher in my small town because I listed Vice Pope as one of my former occupations.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 26, 2012 at 6:25 pm

You were Pope of Vice? I'd love that damn job.

coolhandnuke March 26, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Get in line brother.

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 11:18 pm

See, if you'd just left out teh "Vice" part …

Mumbletypeg March 26, 2012 at 6:20 pm

I checked the background story on celebrated astronaut-turned-politician John Glenn:

"…In 1964 Glenn announced that he was resigning from the space program to run against Young, but withdrew when he hit his head on a bathtub."

Interesting! Still, when challenged by Metzenbaum that as an astronaut/ military serviceman Glenn wouldn't pass muster for "never having held down a job":

He told Metzenbaum to go to a veterans' hospital and "look those men with mangled bodies in the eyes and tell them they didn't hold a job." ..Glenn won the primary by 54 to 46%

Watch it with the tripwire planting, flinty legal beagles. The back you break may be your own.

GreatChristiano March 26, 2012 at 6:20 pm

His name alone Jose Hernandez should get the majority vote on its own merits.

Callyson March 26, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Independent Chad Condit has also announced his intent to challenge Denham in the redrawn 10th Congressional District, which includes Stanislaus County and the southern portion of San Joaquin County.
That's right, the son of Gary…they're baaaack!

docterry6973 March 26, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Let's see the wiki machine for Chad (somehow I automatically love men who call themselves Chad).

BA in HR. Navy. Legislative aide. Campaign manager for father. Sued by Fair Political Political Practices Commission for misuse of father's campaign funds. Case dismissed. Sued by Baskin-Robbins (!) for failing to meet franchise obligations, no disposition listed.

No migrant labor. No MS in engineering. No improved mammogram screening machine. No astronaut. No aquanaut. No shuttle trip. But what the hell, his name is fuckin' Chad so I say vote for him.

Guppy March 27, 2012 at 9:52 am

"No MS in engineering"

All things considered, having an engineering degree does not make one a better human being. I mean, do we really want someone in Congress who can't talk to girls?

anniegetyerfun March 26, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Off-topic, but how cute is the name Fresno Bee? It's so cute!

Biff March 26, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Owned by McClatchy, who also own the Sacramento Bee. Not very original, are they?

MaryRachelKate March 27, 2012 at 12:43 am

Nothing is cute in Fresno

Tundra Grifter March 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Where's the rest of the name?

Fresno Bee what?

barto March 26, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Sorry guys, he's still an astronaut/scientist/awesome brown dude whether he's employed or not.

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Unlike MINT RMONEY, Senor Hernandez is NOT one of Teh Unemployedz. He is employed in the private sector, according to his current resume.

anniegetyerfun March 26, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Denham's campaign is not publicly affiliated with the legal challenge, though campaign records show the law firm has previously done legal work for the Denham campaign committee. A campaign spokesman could not be reached Friday.

Funny, that. Usually campaign spokespeople are SUPPOSED to be available. To spokesspeak.

LakeLucilleLoon March 26, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Astro-naught?

anniegetyerfun March 26, 2012 at 6:28 pm

I find his picure reassuringly easy to masturbate to.

moar_plz March 26, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Oh, that gets an upfist.

Chichikovovich March 26, 2012 at 6:29 pm

I just checked Hernández's Wikipedia page. (There are, as you would expect, several José Hernández's in the world. So make sure you get the Wikipedia page that is titled:

José Hernández (astronaut)

He's quite an impressive guy. I'd propose that he litigate to the end, but putting up a kind of crummy defence – maybe get a disbarred alcoholic lawyer who can be counted on to vomit on the judge at least once.

Then, after the court rules he has to change the listing, file one that says “astronaut/scientist/engineer/breast cancer screening mammogram machine developer".

Then, after the subsequent further lawsuit and further publicity, file one that says “astronaut/scientist/engineer/breast cancer screening mammogram machine developer/aquanaut" ….

Keep going until the opponent gets wise. Which, of course, will probably be never.

docterry6973 March 26, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Migrant worker who learned English at 12. BS in EE ten years later, MS in EE a year after that. Then Livermore Labs, NASA engineer / astronaut / aquanaut, shuttle flight.

I suppose he thinks that makes him special.

sullivanst March 26, 2012 at 7:22 pm

It's all affirmative action, of course…

docterry6973 March 26, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Think of all the rich white kids who never got handed a job at Livermore Labs. It just ain't fair, I tell ya.

FROTHY March 27, 2012 at 1:41 am

I know. I used to have little aneurysms reading about how Hopey went to two of the best schools in the world (both private colleges, and therefore not bound by Affirmative Action edicts except in areas where gubmint $$ were applied) and graduated Magna cum Laude because of Affirmative Action. Like law school at Hah-vahd is SO FUCKING EASY that just anybody can get to become President of their Law Review.

rickmaci March 26, 2012 at 7:01 pm

For those who want to know more, here is his wiki bio. F'ing impressive guy
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jos%C3%A9_Hern%C3%A1

By the way, the Cali Elections code would allow him to use the description "retired astronaut/engineer".

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Why do you use the word "wise," when you KNOW you're talking about Republizards?

Biff March 26, 2012 at 11:59 pm

I think the only wise one in this equation is the latino.

FROTHY March 27, 2012 at 1:43 am

I'm still blown away by this guy's incredible accomplishments. From migrant farmworker/starving unschooled kid to inventor/astronaut in less time than it took me to quit smoking weed.

dadanarchist March 26, 2012 at 6:30 pm

If the Space Mexicans and the Moon Nazis team up, we're going to be really fucked.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

LakeLucilleLoon March 26, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Real Astronauts don diapers and drive cross country to confront their cheating boyfriends. You good sir are no astronaut!

Rotundo_ March 26, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Look for the repubs to resurrect that asshole from the 60's doing the astronaut bit "My Name Jose Jimenez" in their pac purchased ads against him, thinking this will work for them. The assholes just never, ever stop.

randcoolcatdaddy March 26, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Suing him for saying he's an astronaut is a great way to bring attention to the fact that he's an astronaut. Great move there, GOP.

Guppy March 26, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Even in California, the GOP can still find attorneys who've never heard of the Streisand Effect.

rickmaci March 26, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Why do Republicans hate our American Heroes?

ChessieNefercat March 26, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Because they hate Americans and Americans.
/snark
No, wait a minute, that wasn't snark.

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Yeah, watch it lady/gentleman. You gotta *differentiate* that snark.

Antispandex March 26, 2012 at 6:56 pm

" In an inverview, Mr. Limbaugh said, 'How could the guy be an astronaut? They don't even use leaf blowers in the space program'. Mr. Limbaugh was then forced to retract his comment, after he lost his last sponsor".

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Dood, I think that already happened. He's advertising Sugar Daddies dot com or something, now. In between dead air and PSAs.

Dr. Nick Riviera March 26, 2012 at 7:04 pm

One day I hope to be so successful white people will file lawsuits to keep me from talking about it.

MissTaken March 26, 2012 at 7:23 pm

And today we have reason #4751 why I'm ashamed to have been born and raised in Sacramento.

Biff March 27, 2012 at 12:06 am

A friend there refers to it as the godforsakenvalleythattimeforgot.

Negropolis March 27, 2012 at 12:30 am

Sacramento really isn't that bad; it's all the crap strung out over hundreds of miles to the south through the valleys that you have to be worried about.

finallyhappy March 26, 2012 at 7:24 pm

I am now officially a 1%er- in the current poll on the side here- I already saw the Hunger Games made me a 1%er. When do I get my money??

Steverino247 March 26, 2012 at 7:26 pm

OK. Here's a bright young kid, helping his family in the fields as a migrant farm worker. Somebody recognizes that he's pretty smart so he's sent to a special educational program to develop his intellect which works pretty fucking great because (list multiple accomplishments most of us have no idea how to do). These assholes are opposing him because he's the poster child for educating every child in the school district, not just the white ones or the ones who are here legally. That's why they're fighting him.

I have to put up with that shit all the time where I live and it pisses me off. I'm glad I now have a person I can point to and say, "Some white taxpayers paid for this brown kid's education and look what we got for it! Stop being stingy and educate children. All of them!"

Chet Kincaid March 26, 2012 at 8:40 pm

I'm pretty sure what you just said is virtually the same as part of an Obama campaign talk he gave within the last week.

Steverino247 March 26, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I gotta stop CC'ing my rants about the local school district to the White House…

Seriously, though, you would think that those who oppose abortion because we might be killing the next (name of famous scientist or humanitarian) would support educating all children because we might be educating the next (name of famous scientist/humanitarian), but nooooooo.

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 11:27 pm

See my reply to Steverino, below.

In the corporate world, I notice that when a Brown/Blah says something, the Whys at the top of the ladder develop sudden hearing difficulties. However, these difficulties do not prevent them from repeating almost verbatim whatever bright idea the Brown/Blah might have voiced, and claiming full credit for it.

So, Obama said it? Fuck that. Steverino said it? Wow, hey, cool!

docterry6973 March 26, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Sounds like Mr. 'Hernandez' has been sucking at the government teat his whole life.

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 11:25 pm

You tell 'em, Steverino. I'm guessing they're much less likely to argue with all 6'4" weapons-trained military hero-ness of you. (Us short brown types have no luck with these dumb mofos. They're all like, "I'm'a stand mah ground and blow your ass away, sucka.")

ChessieNefercat March 26, 2012 at 7:28 pm

I hate Republicans.
Can't think of anything to add.

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Well, you probly could, but, you know, it woud be rude and mean and seriously raise your blood pressure and bile levels.

YasserArraFeck March 26, 2012 at 7:51 pm

"Houston, tenemos una problema!!!"

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 11:28 pm

I don't think Houston speaks "the language of the ghetto," dood.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 27, 2012 at 12:08 am
FROTHY March 27, 2012 at 1:12 am

Oh, noez! Quick, someone alert Carlos Slim! Oh, wait, he's one of them FURRN ghetto-languagers, in't he? Darn.

HistoriCat March 27, 2012 at 7:58 am

The Woodlands? The Woodlands??? Hahahahahahaha!!!!!

The pasty motherfuckers living there must be shitting themselves. They moved 30 miles outside of Houston to get away from those people.

Negropolis March 27, 2012 at 12:33 am

I was kind of surprised to find the other day that Houston is now the most ethnically/racially diverse major metropolitan area in the entire country. It's come a long way.

FROTHY March 27, 2012 at 1:53 am

Yes, it has. One of my long-ago exes used to live there, and given the things he said about Teh Culludz, it sounds like it used to be a real redneck town.

HistoriCat March 27, 2012 at 8:03 am

In addition to a strong Hispanic presence and historically significant African-American communities, Houston also has a very large Vietnamese community. Once the current generation of Republican blowhards dies out, Houston might be a decent place.

Well, except for the heat, humidity, and horrendous traffic of course.

owhatever March 26, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Let's not think this is a racist attack, just because it is.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 27, 2012 at 12:09 am

It would be racist to mention the fact.

Negropolis March 27, 2012 at 12:34 am

To do such a thing would be racist, because pointing oout racism is racism in itself.

Wile E. Quixote March 26, 2012 at 8:00 pm

So can I file a lawsuit against Jeff Denham because he's violating the Election Code by not stating "Whiny Little Punk-ass Teatard Bitch" as his profession?

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Go for it.

joeytranchina March 26, 2012 at 8:20 pm

What was the line from "Evita?'"

"They call me a 'whore' — they call me a 'whore'"
Yes, but, Evita, they still call me "Admiral' and I haven't been to sea for years."

Stevola March 26, 2012 at 8:23 pm

"Where is his space certificate" Hee hee, are the critics called Spacers?

elfgoldsackring March 26, 2012 at 8:23 pm

"Oh, I have to put my current occupation? OK, it's 'Sexual satisfaction provider to frustrated wives of doughy impotent wingnuts'. Too long? Yeah, I get that a lot…"

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Oh, wow. How cool is that.

Biff March 27, 2012 at 12:11 am

¡Hola, Sancho!

MinAgain March 26, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Where do I send my check for his defense fund?

Veritas78 March 26, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Y'all do know that "breast cancer screening mammogram machine developer" is just Hispanic for "abortionist", right?

SpeedoFart March 26, 2012 at 8:39 pm

"What a fun trend this could be, minorities having to go to court for permission to publicly associate with their life’s work!"

Brilliant! I wonder why no one has thought of that before!

I mean, besides the Birther scum. They showed us that minorities can't take credit for ANYTHING– even being born!

unclejeems March 26, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Hernandez has about $100 K on hand right now, according to OpenSecrets.org. Big Boy Denham has more nearly $1 million, with big chunks of that raised from the "crop production" and "casino" "industries." Read corporations and corruption.

Jeff Denham–another poster boy for corporate greed, v. a brown astronaut. I'd vote for the guy in the orange suit.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 27, 2012 at 12:17 am

Denham may get to wear an orange jumpsuit someday, so you should always double-check before voting.

MissArt March 26, 2012 at 9:28 pm

You are so wrong about Newt. He did not resign in shame. He has no shame, so how could he resign in it? Did he borrow someone else's shame? Maybe Calista let him borrow some…

Steverino247 March 26, 2012 at 9:34 pm

The life of Rep. Jeff Denham, R-Turlock is going to be the subject of a new opera!

"I am the very model of a modern major asshole!"

horsedreamer_1 March 26, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Receiving frivolous lawsuit from David Bowie's nipple antenna.

Larry Craig thinks that it's hot.

Designer_Rants March 26, 2012 at 9:56 pm

#uhohbrownpeople

FROTHY March 26, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Danger! Danger! (wingnut heads begin to revolve like Lost in Space robot's)

mavenmaven March 26, 2012 at 11:15 pm

so I guess it should be alright to call him governor hernandez, since that title currently doesn't mean having an actual job.

MilwaukeeKent March 26, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Wow, some classic lawyering here. They mistake every tactic for a good one. Hope the first judge to see this laughs it right back out the door.
The GOP should follow through with the whole plan even if this case gets thrown out. Go ahead and produce that scary ad with the voice over "Jose Hernandez calls himself an astronaut, but he's not an astronaut. Why is Jose Hernandez LYING?". These people know how to lose.

moar_plz March 27, 2012 at 12:03 am

No! Goddammit NO! You can't have Messicans goin inta space! That ruins our whole story! We're gonna sue your ass!

Negropolis March 27, 2012 at 12:36 am

Kind of hard to snark about. I guess Republicans are getting all their hate in before the end of the Mayan calender.

MaryRachelKate March 27, 2012 at 12:42 am

He's cute, is he single? Wait, he lives in Fresno never mind!

~SoCal Beige Person

bagofmice March 27, 2012 at 12:48 am

I bet you could cross a lot of borders at 20,000 miles per hour. Goldang space-backs.

crybabyboehner March 27, 2012 at 12:52 am

Retired astronaut? More like "quitter" !!!!

Dr. Nick Riviera March 27, 2012 at 1:55 am

That's weird. Other Republicans love to remind us Obama is still a community organizer despite going on to finish law school cum laude. Also, amazingly, Romney is still a "business man"

ttommyunger March 27, 2012 at 7:38 am

So, when is Sheriff Joe R. Piehole going to show up with Steven Segall and their tank to take this beaner down?

DahBoner March 27, 2012 at 7:48 am

He decided to become an astronaut after he watched Star Trek as a kid and became worried there were no Mexicans in the future…

gurukalehuru March 27, 2012 at 8:28 am

Really, if that's the rule, then they've all just got to list themselves as "politician." Not only boring, but also uninformative.

Also, too, I blogged about this the other day at http://www.gurukalehuru.com

BaldarTFlagass March 27, 2012 at 8:52 am

Now I am wondering what Bill Dana/Jose Jimenez have been up to lately.

Jus_Wonderin March 27, 2012 at 10:00 am

Okay, life (and politics) has just gotten officially sad. Fuck them.

devenderly March 27, 2012 at 10:21 am

I love the smell of GOP desperation in March. It smells like… victory in November.

Tundra Grifter March 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

This is not good news for "Joe," "the Plumber."

HenryWarren March 29, 2012 at 9:37 am

"The suit notes that Hernandez reported to the clerk of the House of Representatives that he received $150,000 from work as the "executive director for strategic operations" with MEI Technologies." "Astronaut" does have much more of a ring to it than "Lobbyist for defense contractor" doesn't it? I'd put Astronaut too.

extreme_left March 26, 2012 at 8:01 pm

que? as a citizen of the 54th state i'm not faking my actual fake outrage at yet another manifestation of douchery and torte reform makes me hungry anyway… im just programming a programme to get me the fuck outta here

johnnyzhivago March 27, 2012 at 12:03 am

As a lifelong Democrat, it was somewhat offensive to have to become a Republican to run for local office, but other like minded people did it – and the Republicans were the only game in town. At this low level – at least in NJ – it had nothing to do with anything on the national level.  After I left office (ok, lost a primary!)  I went back to being a registered Democrat.

RadioStalingrad March 27, 2012 at 1:44 am

Asspirating actress.

James Michael Curley March 27, 2012 at 5:22 am

A lot of readers here think you are joking.

Negropolis March 27, 2012 at 9:58 pm

You are not kidding. Our local drain commissioner is a stickler for details, and if you'd believe his critics, a militant environmentalist. But, since he's been in office so long and since where I live is dark blue, they can never oust the guy. lol

anniegetyerfun March 27, 2012 at 10:00 am

I think it's “Dunham”. No need to sully the good name of Denham. Oh, wait, I guess there's ample reason.I thought that Jesus just sat in the sky and wept bitterly?

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