Wonkette Bookmaker: What Will Be the Final Supreme Court Vote Against Obamacare?

  the odds are good but the goods are odd

This whole court is out of order!
The US Supreme Court hears arguments today regarding the Constitutionality of Kenyan Socialist Communist Anti-Colonial Marxist Plot Obamacare, brought to you by Mitt Romney. What will be the final vote against it?

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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278 comments

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Which they will allege was an outcome of pre-repeal Obamacare.

        DEATH PANNNNNNELLLLLZZZZ!

    1. nonbeliever7

      I'm going out on a limb. Good guys win by a field goal. (that would be 6-3 for you bloody English and psych majors).
      Wait, can I call the English "bloody" or is that verboten?

      1. Baconzgood

        You just can't call them ****** or ****** or ******** or threaten to ****** their ******** children.

        1. nonbeliever7

          I would never say ******* in mixed company. But I recently started watching The Wire DVD set I got a few months back. So I'm fucking watching 6 seasons of fucking unbelievable shows in a really short fucking time frame. I fucking hope it doesn't affect my fucking attitude.

      2. Ramon X

        You can call them Ray, or you call them Jay. Or you can call them RJ. But you doesn't have to call them sir.

      3. flamingpdog

        I've said "merde" before on teh Wonkette, but that may have been in the prior Administration.

          1. BerkeleyBear

            Actually, I could see Scalia pulling a bs concurrence in part, dissent in part that no one can understand the logic of (because it claims fealty to his own Gonzalez v. Raich opinion yet comes out 180 degrees the other way), and Roberts signing on to both that and the majority opinion. So it winds up as 5-4, 6-3 or 7-2 depending on who is doing the nose counting.

            I also had a nightmare in which Kennedy has a heart attack from the stress and it winds up 4-4, which means that all the conflicting rulings below stand somehow.

  1. chicken_thief

    If it is that difficult to get all of them to look at the camera at one time I don't have much faith in their ability to focus on the issues for 3 days.

      1. NewtsChicknNeck

        if you give adderrall to someone in scalia's condition or as old and angry as clarence thomas, you better have EMS ready to roll.

        1. flamingpdog

          Slappy doesn't even need to pay attention – he gets his opinions fed intravenously from Tony.

          1. Biel_ze_Bubba

            Clarence gets it via brainwaves — but sometimes, when he doesn't like what he's hearing, he does put on his tinfoil hat. This may be one of those times.

  2. GreatChristiano

    Ya know, I wish Romney would have consulted with O'bama on his plan before he implemented it in Massemachussetts.

        1. Tundra Grifter

          I wouldn't mind having the rope – but I wouldn't want my intentions to be misunderstood.

          1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

            hard to hear your intentions if your AA session goes wrong with that rope. Just sayin'.

    1. Callyson

      Looking at that photo, I'd say Scalia could use some of that Obamacare. But maybe I am being too optimistic…

  3. x111e7thst

    If they really care about Amerikkka the Supremes will declare the Kenyan's long form birf certifikate Unconstitutional and order their bailiff to deport him.

  4. WhatTheHolyHeck

    I'd hate to see them break their streak of kicking cases back to the district courts. It's been so effective thus far in abdicating responsibility on politically hot issues.

    1. V572 Flambé

      Except for gun worship and corporate oligarchy, which they strongly favor. They even commanded the Citizens United plaintiffs to come back and re-argue the case so they could change their vote.

  5. oldedinvn

    I bet on 8- 3, cause they ain't not going to allow godless cominism. And also too will aks the churches how to reinstate the inquisition.

    1. Millennial Malaise

      She probably judges like one too. If any of the "liberals" defect, my money is on Elena.

        1. Millennial Malaise

          It's too early to tell since she hasn't seen that many cases yet but most recently she sided with ( http://www.emptywheel.net/2012/02/21/elena-kagan-… ) the "activists" on the question of a miranda violation of a man who was already in prison (grey-ish area but still). And wasn't there some question about whether she was going to recuse herself from this case or was that just Republican bluster?

          Also, how does one do a hypertext link?

          1. Biel_ze_Bubba

            Paste in your link, submit your comment, then go back and edit it. Type whatever you like between the last pair of carets ( blank">YOUR-LINK-HERE</a ), hit "Save", and that will become the link.
            If it doesn't work, it's usually because the url got mucked up; you can go back and edit it.

  6. Baconzgood

    Opie looking one: Repeal.
    Fat I-Tie: Repeal
    Black one who votes like a white one:Repeal
    Guy who Judged OJ: Repeal
    Guy that shares a name with Punk Rock band: Meh?
    Chick # one: Keep
    Chick # two: Keep
    Chick # three: Keep
    West Coast Liberal: Keep.

      1. Advn2rgirl

        You know: I learned this week that Ron Sexsmith's real name is Ronald Sexsmith! Who knew? (Aside from his daddy, I mean…)

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Yeah, if it wasn't for the Kennedy Factor, the rest of the nine old men and laydeez could just phone it in. Literally.

      I hope they prove me wrong on this one.

  7. Mumbletypeg

    Where have they hidden Elena Kagan? Or is she over at the racquet club swapping shop with Eliot Spitzer again. Hie thee hither, yon whippersnapper Kagan — no time to dilly-dally further, Judgment Day is upon us!

      1. Biff

        This comment just screams for a wildly inappropriate reference to softball. And plaid. Hell, throw in a Subaru, too.

    1. HippieEsq

      Even so, that outburst of activity will instantly kill of a substantial portion of the fat-asses via stroke, heart attack, and fatal hoverround collissions. So we've got that to look forward to.

  8. Lucidamente1

    "Hmmm. Bring millions of new customers to the insurance companies or potentially destroy the Kenyan usurper's presidency. What will it be?"

  9. coolhandnuke

    5-4 on a Kennedy home run in the ninth.
    The teabags win the pennant!
    The teabags win the pennant!
    The teabags win the pennant!

  10. freakishlywrong

    I wonder if Ginny Thomas will be out there with a bull horn screeching about socialism in a statue of liberty hat. Because that would be hi-fucking-larias.

    1. Geminisunmars

      I have this little fantasy where things are not going too well in the Thomas household, and, just to piss her off, Clarence votes to uphold O'bamamamamcare. Now that would be hi-fucking-larias!

      1. Guppy

        You mean he'll find a new medium to vent his passive-aggression against his wife into other than groping women at the office?

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      "Well, you see, the Multitronic Units one through four were not entirely succesful. But this one is. M-5 is ready to take control of the ship."

  11. memzilla

    "Hey, you got Diebold® in my United Healthcare®!"

    "No, you got United Healthcare® in my Diebold®!"

  12. prommie

    Some commentators are savvy enough to see that its not about the merits, and that the "conservative" radicals on the court all want to strike it down, but then they make the mistake of thinking that there is some kind of question over whether they would be so brazen, whether they have too much concern for the institution and the public faith in the Court. What a silly idea, to think that they might "hold themselves back" out of "integrity." They have no fucking integrity, and no care for anything in the world except furthering their agenda (and in Thomas' case, getting revenge on all the liberal smarty-pants who called him an idiot). They will be as brazen as they were in Bush v. Gore, they have no fucking compunctions, they are true revolutionaries and they believe lawbreaking is justified in defense of their cause.

    1. Terry

      There was a correspondent on NPR this weekend saying just about the same thing. The question was whether Chief Justice Roberts would come down on the side of the health care act as so to avoid a deeply divided Court. The correspondent and host were professional enough not to chuckle at the very thought.

    2. ph7

      Agreed:

      Goal #1 – advance agenda
      Goal #2 – line up spare donor hearts so conservative majority will last forever.

    3. James Michael Curley

      You should give a 'Spoilers' alert. I was looking forward to the next "Pirates of the Caribean" movie; "Revenge of the Dancing Bears."

      1. Guppy

        SPOILER ALERT:

        The worst George Zimmerman will be convicted of is discharging a firearm in a residential area, and the Florida Legislature won't change one letter of the law the NRA wrote for them.

        There, was that better?

    1. proudgrampa

      Wha-? You mean the Daley machine controls the Supreme Court? Dead justices voting? Voting early and often?

      Who woulda thunk it?

  13. prommie

    Oh, and fucking Roberts illegally stole those kids of his from Ireland through some kind of scam central-american adoption fraud, too. Needs to be remembered.

    1. Veritas78

      Because he couldn't get it up for his "beard-wife", despite all Elaine Chou's advice about how she had "handled" Mitch's waddle.

  14. ThankYouJeebus

    If this is anything like Citizen's United, they'll hear the arguments in this case and then decide that trans-vaginal ultrasounds are people, my friends.

  15. Mumbletypeg

    TAGGED: THE ODDS ARE GOOD BUT THE GOODS ARE ODD

    And likewise: an oldie isn't a goodie all the time, just because a goodie is an oldie some of the time.

    1. flamingpdog

      He and Slappy Thomas have to go robe shopping at Wal Mart because it's the only place that has them in size XXXXL.

  16. Barb

    Someone needs to stop the death panels of Herman Cain. He snuffed a goldfish for one ad and now there is that creepy little girl, a catapulted rabbit and a shotgun in the new ad. Why does Herman Cain hate animals? Why is Herman Cain making ads? http://sickofstimulus.com/

        1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

          Please watch this movie. Soon. Seriously. Oh, and don't drink anything for a few hours beforehand. If you're in tuned to British language styles and phrases, you will piss yourself royally.

          If you're not, watch it ten times until you are. Trust me… this movie never gets old, ever.

        2. SorosBot

          Never seen the Holy Grail? You need to do so as soon as you can then – you must miss like half the references here without it.

          And to pass, you must find us – a shrubbery!

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I was going to write an old joke here about Herman being an impotent, er, I mean, important guy, but it might be too rude.

    2. flamingpdog

      Why is Michele Bachmann going on Sunday morning TeeVee talk/snooze shows?
      Why is Rick Perry still alive? I think only Republican Jesus can answer these questions.

      1. Mumbletypeg

        Why is Herman Cain making ads?

        Funny cause I was just browsing an older thread, wherein imissopus noticed Cain was taking suggestions for his response to the SOTU address. I'd forgotten Cain was picked by the Tea Party to give their response. He had already canceled his campaign. But he hasn't canceled the incessant marketing of himself to a population segment that sees him as more of a brand name than a human, a persona rather than a person.

        only Republican Jesus

        Here's one Republican Jesus, for your viewing pleasure. (Made me laugh.)

  17. PuckStopsHere

    Do you see any of these upstanding Americans wearing Hoodies? Don't think so. And have any of them been shot while walking around their neighborhoods? Again, don't think so. As for how they will vote on the constitutionality of the "Affordable Care Act", what Prommie said.

    1. V572 Hogan Gidley

      Walking is really un-American, because it does not support our Petro-Oligarchy in the manner to which they've become accustomed. And mass transit?—have you ever looked at the kind of people who ride buses?

    2. An_Outhouse

      Faux News removed the hoodie from their on line selection of American Patriot souvenirs (even if souvenir is French).

  18. lefty74

    There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and ever eatable, drinkable and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.
    - Mark Twain's Autobiography

    Oh and did I say fuck you, Alito and Thomas and the fouled up swearing in asshole.

  19. sbj1964

    The supreme Court has become nothing more than an extention of the RNC.They are another example of how the system has failed.

    1. HippieEsq

      too many ladies and Heebs on SCOTUS to make that comparison fly. SCOTUS looks more to me like an extension of a multi-religious, multi-ethnic disfuncitonal family. Except in this family black people don't ever talk and Italians are prudes.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      So which one is going to be the traitor to the Republican master race? Alito? Roberts?

      Surely not Scalia or Mini-Me-Thomas.

      1. MozakiBlocks

        I suspect Kennedy and Roberts will vote to uphold with Fat Tony, Slappy and Opie dissenting.

        And Roberts writes the majority opinion.

        1. fuflans

          npr this am (nina totenburg? can't remember) was saying alito might uphold and kennedy might have trouble upholding.

          but i can't remember why as i got four hours of sleep and i have lady bits.

      2. Advn2rgirl

        You heard about the assassination attempt on Clarence Thomas, right? They put poison on Scalia's butthole.

    2. nonbeliever7

      Me too. I'm guessing that Obama's elitist Harvard Law degree may have been useful when this law was written.

    3. sarah_connor

      I might even venture 7-2. But if it goes back maybe we'll have another shot at single payer.

      Rock chalk, chicken hawk, I'm a bracket buster, etc.

    1. flamingpdog

      I think it was on a box of pancake mix.

      Well look at the picture – he is wearing a dress.

    2. Veritas78

      I wish you had seen him on a carton of milk. Or in the Post Office.

      Do they do that anymore?

  20. BlueStateLibel

    Here's my insightful analysis: they will rule that Obamacare is ILLEGAL because Obama's a socialist, but that Romneycare, which is the exact same thing, is LEGAL because Mitt Rmoney is a rich white guy.

  21. fartknocker

    I know this was produced PBS, a bastion of liberals according to the API whore Jim Inhofe, but I believe this is a pretty cool illustration of how the Affordable Health Care Act impacts Americans. The statement about the year 2037 is pretty scary:
    http://newshour.tumblr.com/post/19842196257/healt

    Oh, and fuck Rick Perry, Rick Scott, Rick Santorum and Scott Walker.

  22. not that Dewey

    Is there such thing as point-shaving in a Supreme Court decision? My money's on the ref.

    1. V572 Hogan Gidley

      Maybe Kennedy takes bribes from the "liberal" and conservative justices, and swings toward the side that pays him the most.

  23. James Michael Curley

    Maybe they will vote so that all of us can have the same free healthcare for life they get. Maybe I should take a couple aspirin and go back to bed.

  24. Toomush_Infer

    What goes on under the robes stays under the robes….actually, it's whatever side has more guns….oh, we know that, too?…

    1. Isyaignert

      They should have NASCAR-like patches on their robes to show where their true loyalties lie.

  25. Pragmatist2

    No snark – this is a no-brainer. It is 7-2 to uphold the law with Roberts writing the majority and Scalia joining in a concurring opinion. That's on a bad day. On a good day it is 8-1. Thomas dissents muttering about death panels and the end of freedom as we know it. the phrase "economic slavery" may be mentioned

    1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      All I'm hearing is you saying something about how the Koch Brothers failed to pay a vig to the justices. Is that right?

      1. Pragmatist2

        Not on this one. Scalia will have nothing but scorn for the argument that there is some new liberty interest implicit in the Commerce Clause. He may be wrong, but the man is absolutely consistent.

  26. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Why don't they skip the ACA, and just talk about ruttin' and contraceptives? It'll be a 6-3 vote, with the wimminz' votes not counting, for being wimminz.

  27. Biff

    From the annoying poll over there>>>>>>>

    What do you think?
    Do you believe that convicted felons should be allowed to vote in public after they have completed their punishment?

    WTF, hengh?

  28. spends2much

    Gingrichcare= F*ck you, you poor piece of crap. If you want free health care, become Vice President!
    Santorumcare= Pray for health. Except for me and my family, we go to a sweet doctor and make our own choices.
    Romneycare= Same as the plan that last dude had, but with a less ethnic name!

    1. V572 Hogan Gidley

      Romney's not even signing up for Medicare! That's how much he's against government-run health care! The fact that he's obscenely wealthy and can buy and sell docs and hospitals like with the rounding errors in his Cayman Island accounts has nothing to do with it.

  29. Isyaignert

    If Clarence Thomas had any integrity, he would recuse himself because of his wife's anti-healthcare work; but, he has no integrity (or intelligence, class or morals).

  30. ddanaan

    It will be 6-3.in favor of ACA. Kennedy will go for itwhich means it will pass and Roberts will jump on when he sees it will pass, since he will want to write the decision. All the sophisticated dynamics of a Kindergarten playground.

  31. hagajim

    I personally think they will decline to rule on it as not being ripe (until 2014) when the individual mandate actually kicks in. Usually the Court would indicate there is no standing….however, because they are taking the case, I figure they'll gun Travyon (I mean Obama) down.

    1. V572 Hogan Gidley

      The cable wise men are saying the brevity of this morning's session indicates they don't want to decide this/put off making the decision on the technicality. This either means they don't want to give the American people even two years of positive experience under ACA, or they think the Mayans were right so why fuck with this.

  32. GreatChristiano

    All good commies agree that it is easier to make it through times of freedom with no health rather than times of health and no freedom.

  33. thefrontpage

    Clarence Thomas and John Roberts, spotted at an event at the Crew Club in D.C. this past weekend, told several very close friends there that when they're hearing cases in the Supreme Court, on duty, they don't wear anything under their robes. And Thomas said he often daydreams about Ann Coulter and felching when he's sitting on the bench. Roberts says he thinks about dougnuts, Jill Biden, caramel cremes, Cleveland steamers, oysters, Michelle Malkin and Reese's peanut butter cups.

  34. MissTaken

    I just hope that whoever votes the opposite direction of Thomas gets the honor of middle of the night drunken phone calls from Ginny demanding their apologies.

    1. SorosBot

      Along with long detailed descriptions of porno scenes starring Long Dong Silver. Say, what's that on my Coke?

    1. Toomush_Infer

      You could always move to Hawaii….that's not really part of our country, is it?….

  35. joshleefolsom

    As part of a special publication devoted to the case, the ABA surveyed a group of veteran observers and asked them to predict the outcome. The results? Eighty-five percent predicted that the court will uphold the law.
    http://www.tnr.com/blog/jonathan-cohn/101842/supr

    I hope they're right, because I bet Romney $10,000 that Obamacare will win.

    1. SorosBot

      To be serious for a second, it'll probably all come down to Kennedy and I think he'll probably have one of his non-hateful moments and vote to uphold.

  36. DaRooster

    Sheesh… one post about the Supremes and- NO MORE POSTS EVER!

    We are definitely headed in the right direction…

  37. HippieEsq

    SCOTUS/Affordable Care Act Haiku:

    Cuccinelli, wet
    Thomas, silent and erect
    Roberts a surprise upfist

  38. JerkCade

    So, the ACA was basically written by the Heritage Foundation and the insurance companies (with the exception of that pesky ending rescission part), but everybody is expecting our venal and wholly-bought Supreme Ct. to what? Strike it down?

    No, my friends, it will go at least 7-2 in favor and single-payer will be dead for at least another 20 years.

  39. BaldarTFlagass

    Wonkette Bookmaker: Will "Wonkette Bookmaker: What Will Be the Final Supreme Court Vote Against Obamacare?" be the final post of the day for Monday, March 26?

    1. Mumbletypeg

      …but if I 'thumb' this, because it's funny, won't it look like I'm agreeing it's "too many posts" — which I don't?
      It's like the conundrum faced on Facebook when someone posts a thoughtful, or pertinent, or salient link to a story that contains BAD NEWZ so while I don't want to concur "That's Great!" still I want to thank them for mentioning the story.

  40. OneYieldRegular

    I hate to be non-snarky on Wonkette first thing on a Monday morning, but as regards the Supreme Court, Justice John Paul Stevens was more prophetic than Nostradamus when he wrote in his 2000 Bush/Gore dissent, "Although we may never know with complete certainty the identity of the winner of this year's Presidential election, the identity of the loser is perfectly clear. It is the Nation's confidence in the judge as an impartial guardian of the rule of law."

    1. Isyaignert

      Good post! As we now know, Al Gore won Florida according the the NYT and other reporters who actually counted the votes after the unelected lifetime politicians in robes stole the election in favor of their corporate overlords.

      The world would look a lot different if Gore had fought harder and hadn't handed the keys to the WH over to that beady-eye, oily snake and the sociopathic drunken fukhead.

  41. Naked_Bunny

    I learned from conservatives that judges should not rule on issues that could personally affect them, so I assume that any justices getting government-based healthcare insurance will recuse themselves.

  42. reasonbran

    I am an optimist and believe that a) reason will prevail, and b) the health care mandate will be upheld.

    We are all, of course, shaped by our history. If SCOTUS had ruled against Gore in 2000, I might feel differently.

  43. mrblifil

    They'll pull out some equivocating unanimous decision so we all see starbursts for a while, then when we least suspect it WHAM Roberts brings the Hammer down.

  44. ttommyunger

    Thought bubbles: Roberts: No, I'm not gay, but I did experiment a little in college. Alito: Am I going to die without knowing what a blowjob is like? Probably. Scalia: Fuggagetaboutit! Thomas: OK, I've got the white pussy, but shit, that is one ugly unpleasant fucking woman.

  45. jgalleg4

    I think that they might vote 5-4. Of course, they could go for a 5-4 vote that B. Hussein Obama is an EVIL COMMIE SCUMBAG.

  46. MadBrahms

    Intrade has the odds of Obamacare being struck down this year at 33%, though over 60% (?!) by the end of 2013.

    Haha, but Intrade, obviously the people who would submit their opinions to a "market" to find Truth are bleeding-heart liberals with no bias.

  47. docterry6973

    The conservatives get a two-fer here. They can snuff out creeping Socialism and help the GOP defeat Obama. 5-4 against, like the boss said.

  48. DahBoner

    #2 With a Bullet, On the Wrong Side of History, Bethind Dred Scott

    You couldn't dance to that hot mess, either…

  49. finallyhappy

    I will be at the rally(supporting– of course, do I look like a teabagger to you??) tomorrow. If you see any footage and there is an older lady wearing a t-shirt with Obama punching a zombie- and holding a pink yarn uterus(me- not the Prez)- I will have outed myself to Wonkette. I'd post the photo of the uterus here but do not know how

  50. DahBoner

    I predict Obamacare will be thrown out under a little-used commerce clause:

    The Terrible Two Year-old "You Can't Make Me Do Anything" clause…

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