Former Vice President Dick Cheney, 71, has received a new heart, The New York Times reports.
Mr. Cheney is best known to the American public for usurping the power of the presidency from his alleged boss, George W. Bush; pushing the country to war on false pretenses; and shooting an old man in the face. At which point the old man apologized to him.
The heart is Mr. Cheney’s first.
[NYT]
{ 418 comments }
Did Breitbart die so Cheney could live?
I doubt any organ on Breitbart would have been transplantable. Although maybe there was a ritual sacrifice component to the Black Mass that Cheney said to get anyone to do a transplant. So sure.
Breitbart's blood type was Everclear.
Is that a type of cocaine?
You have to have a heart in the first place in order to donate one.
No, but 17 Afghan(i) kids did. But they are "blah" people, so it doesn't matter.
Now he’s healthy enough to stand trial in The Hague.
Now that he has a heart, Cheney will turn himself in and throw himself on the mercy of the court.
No…no. You're thinking about Courage.
Sheeeeeeyyyyyiiit, he doesn't even have a testimonial.
No word on whether or not it was a willing donor…
Your lips to a Spanish prosecuting magistrate's ears!
The only appropriate response I can think of is to wish this evil, murdering, war-profiteering, chickenshit, chickenhawk Cheney will die an agonizingly painful, horrible death before he goes to meet his maker Satan…he sold his soul to the devil a long time ago and he should be on trial in the Hague for war crimes not getting an undeserved heart transplant that could have saved someone actually worthy of life…what a hateful, obscene excuse for a human, Eddie Vedder says it best IMHO http://gozie.com/video/39GAH46A1YX3/eddie-vedder-…
I always wondered if the rest of the evil Bush cabal was hoping Cheney The Dick would die so they could blame him for all of the horrible stupid shit they're responsible for.
This really makes me want to have a card with me barring any of my organs from being implanted in a Republican.
I'm now sure that my nightmares will consist of Bob McDonnell chasing after me with a pair of rusty scissors just because he needs a new pair of gonads or a heart or something.
I definitely want no Republican organs implanted in me.
"Things frequently said to an indignant James O'Keefe"
Or inserted in any fashion.
I think we've discovered the real agenda of the "Stand Your Ground" laws, a/k/a "Pick Your Donor."
Hello dear thing, just a note to let you know that I've stepped in it pretty extravagantly viz. the new regime, which in a fit of pique may likely deport me. Or actually, simply encourage me to self-deport, which is more tempting with every passing day. So chin up, old girl, pip pip, cheerio and all that rot. We'll always have the Nazis. Hmm, speaking of which…
What? Vot? What did you do, beloved Owls? Nooooooooo, don't go away again.
C'mon Owls, if I survived an actual banhammer, you can turn your head around. You fucking changed your drinking habits, you certainly can adjust to a regime change. You are loved here, and needed here. Hopefully, everybody else will see this sub-thread and give you a jolt of admiration. The purge is under the bridge now. Sheet, if RS didn't ban Texan Bulldog last night, she has certainly shown her tolerance.
Eat your pride.
Don't throw the fetus out with the amniotic fluid.
You are the definition of Wonketz.
This is more important than a monster getting a new chunk of myocardium and wasting medical resources.
♪ ♫ Soar, Owl, Soar
The ground dwellers to ignore ♪ ♫
Especially the ground squirrels. Ignore the ground squirrels, Owls.
Quisling!
Keep a low profile, kid. Them owls get mighty hungered.
Hey, I've missed you. Please stay.
Owls, stay. And I must say, I don't understand all this banning, and threats of banning, and fear of banning, of cherished wonketeers. Is it really necessary?
Please don't go. Please. This place wouldn't be the same without your scathing wit, as you well know. I know the Editrix won't banhammer you. She might punch you out if you say/said something she don't like, but she pretty much *hasn't* brought Teh Hammer o'Ban down on anyone since she first took over.
So please. Make an old fart happy and stay.
Frothy, thank you!
(Hugs the Barb most fondly and missingly)
Please don't go Mister Owls. We need your voice to withstand the ignorant hoards from ZippityDoDahistan. Besides, without you we may never know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop
You must stay, dear owls. We'd be devastated if you decided to fly to newer perches.
You're much loved here.
Dear Mr. Owls,
I dont post all that often, but I am here everyday, lurking and reading all the great snark. We need your wit. Stay with us. *hugs
We must stay strong and chant down Babylon together, brudda.
Oh dear, here we go again. I went on vacation last week to Vegas and I came back to posts where people spoke of my being "banned" despite the fact that I left a long post that said I was going to Vegas, something that I do once a month or so.
I haven't seen Rebecca encourage ANYONE to "self-deport" I am not aware of ANYONE being banned either.
Owls, you are awesome. No, make that super awesome. If you need someone to talk to I will find a way to get my e-mail address to you. Stay strong.
Darling, please stay we need your gentle snark more than ever, you are one of the reasons I came, read and stayed , so it is less of the Wonkette I love without you.
Likewise, I will get an email address to you if you ever need to talk. Let me know and we can manage it I am sure.
Hey Owls. I’m not going to go on w/ a litany of your awesome posts-past, b/c others have sung those praises already. Nor will I try to talk you out of leaving, b/c it’s clear you’ve made up your mind.
I just wanted you to know your avatar has me mesmerized every time I come across it, at a distance. It conveys the image of a man’s face – beard, shadowed eye sockets – yet when I hover over it for a zoom-up it’s clearly some kind of etched cartoon not at all related.. So every time I spot the avatar at-distance I am given to pondering his expression, which isn’t clearly depicted any more than that man in the moon’s “face” but I’m oddly drawn to it.
Oh and it was more than just your snark that’s been valued here; speaking for myself I appreciated the insight you’d bring that grounded our perspective toward goings-on in your immediate (Arkansas?) locale. When one post highlighted some goofball’s behavior or some dim-witted pending legislation, I recall you chimed in to offset the collective conclusion others were drawing about your state’s populace at large. Your comment mentioned several items I couldn’t have known about, not living there. This kind of knowledge is important to me too, gleaned on wonkette, as I’m a knowledge junkie.
Will need to “Edit” the remainder of my comment thanks to intensedebate-y parameters, so if you’re reading this via email-bypass plz find your way back here if you want to see any more of my Mumblings.
In fact taking time off would be the better instinct, and you avians[?] know your instincts better than most. I don’t agree fully with you about the aspects of our playground here that have turned you off. I do know there are aspects I miss about the older wonkette – I peruse those archived posts and am reminded of these – but they are different.
And I have followed w/ interest your personal sharings b/c I’ve had dysfunction wreak havoc in my family – luckily while I was too young to remember – but I was always rooting for you. More recent upheavals in my life have given me renewed appreciation of wonkette’s availability for comic relief. I had a really bad situation at home coinciding w/ last year’s Wonkmageddon; I was losing someone important in my life, & when it appeared I might lose wonkette too, I nearly thought I would break down. Wonkette was the only thing keeping me going, or nearly: my ultimate coping device! Since I couldn’t change the situation in the one world, I realized if only wonkette would find a way to stay in existence, I’d take it however I could – unlike the other situation, I *could* walk away from this if I needed and come back when recharged.
One wonketteer whom I’d met *once* in person provided infinite reassurance and “there, there” w/ just a couple of email exchanges and traded quips on these pages. I know you can appreciate this b/c you’ve found support with similar connections here and I can attest — while I relished just the few words from that person, it didn’t take much from him to ease my mind — but also, it was moving to observe what’s been available to you during those dark spells.
You are too kind, friend, and your words carry enormous weight for me and others who like you, have suffered. I hope you are in a better place now, I certainly am. In six days, I will hit the eight month mark. I owe much of that to people here, especially not my Dewey, who saved my life in a near literal sense. I did the same for him as well. That's how these things work, I suppose. Two desperate people throwing lifesavers at each other and hoping against hope that someone will be on the other end. So truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for the courage you've shown both in life and in here. Oh, and not to take the mystery of of my avatar, but it is a sketch of Ah Pukuh I think, or one of the other denizens of Xibalba. It's a direct link to my user name, which comes from Popol Vuh (just add an 's' to user and you'll find it quickly). Has all sort of other embedded meanings as well, e.g., was the mascot of my doctoral institution, being a scholar, a lifelong fascination with birds, and more recently, the barred owls who keep me company as I smoke and work on the porch until the wee hours. Alas, I can't for the life of me find the exact drawing, but there are any number of very similar ones out there.
Again, thank you for sharing and for you deeply touching words. They've lifted my rather downcast spirit, a very timely gesture given my oft-discussed (whined about) state of mind. Maybe it's a measure of just how important this place used to be that folks have become so passionate in their criticisms of the new regime. Ok, I'd best go now. It's a beautiful spring day here, with an abundance of songbirds serenading one another and better still, at or near the peak of the northbound migration of the monarchs. For all I've lost, I have been lucky enough to have gained a sense of wonder, and that is to be cherished. Abrazos, compa.
Beautifully put! Would recommend again etc. Will reread, surely.
(Btw I am no stranger to smoking and typing in "the smoking lounge" i.e. screened-in porch — what was it Layne once ended a post with, "Go yell at the neighbors"? — that more than once I've had to refrain myself out there during a liveblog, say, that had me hooting [no pun intended] loudly enough it probably did wake a few neighbors.)
Off to Google the Xibalba reference, it was the remainder of my initial question I hadn't gotten around to asking, thanks! & à votre santé, may all be well w/ you.
Please stay, owls. We need your wisdom, and that shit you do when you look at your own ass.
Well, what the hell did you do/did the mean lady do to you? If you're gonna throw a pity party, at least entertain us with the finger food of whatever's eating your ass.
Whoa , I never thought about taking the D off my drivers license before
Rivers License?
…oh.
I expect the heart will reject Cheney.
Visions of the dinner scene in the first Aliens movie dance through my head.
I was thinking the diner scene in Spaceballs, but I've always been a fan of campy musical numbers and Mel Brooks in particular.
Why not? His OWN certainly did.
I heard he had an Asshole transplant. The Asshole rejected him.
i think his body rejected the asshole and it stayed
You have it backwards; everything *but* the asshole rejected him.
My, my, my. That horrible old man continues to find the hearts of healthy young men to steal and stuff into his chest cavity. Ain't that a crying shame.
Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly.
… ghouls gotta steal yer organs.
"The heart is Mr. Cheney's first."
If only the basement of the Naval Observatory could talk….
When the doctor said they had found a heart for him, Cheney at first thought it was a dinner invitation.
"At first"?
Fava beans, et al.
Finally !
A Dick joke.
I hope it's not Trayvon's.
Oh jeebus. You WOULD have to think that thought, wouldn'tja?
Too soon?
He was dead a whole month before anyone in law enforcement cared.
Cheney? Wow, that makes me happy.
Oh, you meant Trayvon. Now I has a sadz.
Most likely not. I have a feeling his reaction would be something like Archie's.
Too soon!
What should we sent Cheney as a get well gift?
Plane ticket to the Hague?
One way.
As the policeman said to me, upon my requesting where he was taking me after arresting me for jaywalking: "Where you're going, you ain't comin' back."
We should have someone deliver Cheney's ticket with the same encouraging words.
Arresting you for jaywalking? Oh, fuck that jerk. I shall kick his ass for you, Z.
Ai fink he haz retired from poleesin'. Which is just as well, since he had a serious THANG about Teh Culludz, and my town has a WHOLE lotta culludz.
Come on, now, what did he actually arrest you for? Disturbing the peace or some shit?
I resent the implication that I would lie about this.
The charges on the sheet were: Jaywalking; obstructing traffic; and resisting arrest. The arresting officer was white. The Black guard at the jail asked if my car had broken down in traffic, since I am small and well-spoken, and was dressed for the office, and it was fairly obvious from my dress and demeanour that I had not been leading a crazed mob through the streets.
Well that's what you get for walking while…um…y'know…you.
(???)
Precisely. The *guard* advised me to contact the Police Review Board and lodge a complaint. And brought me my cigarettes and matches, and put me in a cell with a working telephone.
Whereupon I called the office (I worked in a law office in those days), and one of my colleagues, who had been employed in the D.A.'s office before she came to work for us, called the PD and apparently tore them several new orifices.
A subpena.
A hoodie hospital gown?
A heart attack.
Heartworm.
Hon, he IS a heart-worm.
An industrial-sized vat of lard and 4000 marlboros.
a photo of the person he took it from
Does Hallmark make something that looks (and smells) like a colostomy bag? With "Get dead soon!" printed on it.
A bag of lightly-salted poisoned rat dicks is always appropriate.
(When Jim regains consciousness, he'll appreciate the plagiarism.)
Does Hallmark make get well-done in Hell cards?
i wonder if he gets the Hellmark Channel on his ICU teevee.
Maybe this site has something… for starters:
http://youstupidbitch.com/congrats13.php
A plane ticket to hell so that he can see his buddy Saddam Hussein?
Turkish prisons are nice. We could all chip in.
A toaster for his bathtub.
My first thought was "a rattlesnake" but then I realized that it would probably just curl up next to him and go to sleep while Cheney gently stroked its scales with an evil smile on his lips.
A human skull with fleshlights for eye sockets?
They already make feet like that (dead serious; don't google at work).
MIRSA.
Well, he's still one heartbeat away from Hell.
Not close enough.
I say this pretty often, but it's hard being an atheist and realizing that people don't actually get their so-called "afterlife reward".
Good. Now he'll be healthy enough to go fuck himself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojf3BMLbcss
It's just Wicked that the Tin Man got his wish from Dr. Oz.
Wait, didn't the doctors who helped Dick Cheney survive longer violate the Hippocratic Oath?
"First, do no harm."
Yep, pretty much fucked that one up.
The Oath doesn't specifically prohibit doing no Evil.
Thank goodness socialized medicine is around to pay for that. Although I would have volunteered for the death panels in this case.
Okay, if this doesn't fucking give the lie to the whole death panel bullshit, nothing will. A 71 year old with a history of poor living, bad habits and 5 heart attacks gets a heart? Really? Not if there were any actual rational decision making going on.
When will the reign of terror end!!! <rending shirt> <shrieks of terror>
I guess deficits do matter.
I hope Trayvon Martin wasn't the donor.
Haha, joke's on Cheney — that "new heart" is actually Barb's old uterus!
Hysterical.
Couldn't be. That Evil Dark Overlord doesn't have space in is chest cavity for anything so warm, wonderful, loving, etc. as our Barb's uterus. Much more likely to be a leftover rectum after bowel resectioning.
Could be a leftovary.
I had leftovary tubers for dinner tonight.
Super!
A Turdblossom?
Great! I spent $37,000.00 to have 2 grapefruit-sized, 2 orange-sized and 2 lemon-sized tumors removed and they give it to Cheney. Wait until he gets those once-a-month blood transfusions and cramps that will cause him to faint when he tries to stand.
Good luck with my liver, bitches!
Well no wonder it was having problems – you were smuggling fruit in there! Silly Barb, they have bags for that.
She never should've let Carmen Miranda go down on her back in college.
Barb, did you give him your old bumper sticker, too?
That bumper sticker is hilarious!
Barbarella, you're the only person whom I've ever met with a Del Monte fruit cocktail can for a vagina. It's good to know that you recycle.
(I live right next door to a convalescent center, and I can tell you from experience that — cherry or not — Oldz such as Cheney gum that syrupy stuff by the boxful.)
Extemporanus, if ever Wonkette needed another writer you would get a brazillion votes from me, seriously. I'm not just saying that either.
Like you Barb, for a while I thought Wonkette Jr. was our favorite Pedobear. And also, too, could you give the Owls a vote of confidence?
Hey Barb, did you see the linkie I posted about 1 in the morning a couple of days ago about replacement uteruses?
Hey, Flaming, that is downright fucking brilliant!
Morning Flaming! I love that link and I am going to send it to my surgeon "The Vagina Whisperer"
There are days when I get 300-400 responses and I don't get to see them all. Just chase me down and slap me in the back of the head to get my attention., please.
What color replacement uterus should I get?
I like the multicolored one in the upper left hand corner, except for something else in place of the green.
Next up: a new brain for Dubya! Then courage for Bill Kirstol. Then . . .
This must be why medical expenses have been skyrocketing.
Flying monkees out of his butt?
Self-awareness for Sarah Palin.
A dick and balls for Rick Santorum?
Why? It's not like *he's* ever gonna use 'em.
"A dick and ball-gag for Rick Santorum."
Fixed.
A house plummeting to the ground for Liz Cheney.
ON Lizard cheney, pls.
Ruby slippers for me?
Slightly OT but true: Last summer, it was a warm afternoon, so I'm waiting at an outdoor table to meet friends, and this total stranger comes out of the coffee shop wearing RUBY CONVERSE ALL-STARS!!
Holy fuck! Nazi Ratpope went to the same vacation spot you did?
Birth control for Dorothy. Take this aspirin and hold it between your knees my Pretty! My apologies to the Wicked Witch of the West, and what the hell, Jack Nicholson.
But, she has to click her heels together to get home. How the hell she's gonna' do that with an aspirin between her knees?
Humility for Newton Leroy McPhearson?
That would surely kill him.
You say that as if that's a reason not to do it…
Ambiguous at best, or maybe worst. It's a new regime, a kinder, gentler Wonkeet…
He'd rather die than demonstrate it.
I assume that Cheney, being undead, is a Hordie. My question is, what server and guild does he belong to?
Bah, no self-respecting orc, troll, tauren or even undead would have him.
Hell, the Lich King doesn't even want him, for fear that Cheney would have a successful coup.
On second thought, maybe Cheney is the Lich King.
IMO he's more like a Wretched (the magic fiends in the Blood Elf starting area).
Cheney's grim visage still scares me; and that picture was not a good image to get on my monitor right after getting off a long Skype session with the girlfriend.
Better than before…
And here I thought the call from my dad was a turnoff.
Well it was, but luckily not too hard to get over; but seeing Palpatine up there just sends waves of dread through my body, and if that had interrupted us I don't know if we could have recovered.
So?
The heart was welcomed as a liberator.
The medical staff at Fairfax Inova Hospital's cardiac care unit are truly geniuses. We gotta take those bastards out.
Talk about a moral dilemma. Guess where the Radio broadcasts from?
I'll give you twenty bucks if you trip over an electrical cord or two.
I'll make sure he gets EXTRA strength Tylenol.
Sounds like a job for Seal Team 666.
I was listening to WTOP when this news came in and I was right across from Navy medical/walter reed(whatever it is being called) at that moment-but then they said it was at Inova.
Bethesda Naval Hospital.
Cheney probably thought about the latest couple of thousand headstones at Arlington, looked at his KBR stock, and then decided that he'd better stay out of military hospitals.
Even Cheney had to wait 20 months for a heart? Was there some special requirements that disqualified regular human hearts?
I think the rat had to die a natural death.
Aside from the fact that Cheney is a hideous mutant alien from the Planet of Lizard People?
So, who's the poor Mexican boy they swiped this from? Little Pedro from Houston?
So Sheriff Arpaio, where where you on the night of March 23, 2012?
To top it off Santorum is declared winner in Weesiana!
This is good news for anyone not named gingrich!
He has vowed to continued. CNN quoted him as saying the amount of people who come up to him and tell him to remain in the race are 'remarkable'.
His wife, campaign staff, Tiffany consultant, etc.
Every democrat he meets, too. Of course, he doesn't hear the chuckling afterward, as he's waddling away.
Write -in candidate BP finished a close second.
It's a great day for Dicks.
Of course he did. The electorate here is now divided between Jesus freaks and people who don't give enough of a fuck to actually go vote.
"Former Vice President Dick Cheney, 71…. "
DO NOT SAY THE DARK LORD'S NAME.
"Voldickmort"
He Who Must Not Be Blamed
And not a single fuck was given this day.
It's *Cheney,* dood. Not a single fuck will be given *any* day.
Did he send George Zimmerman on another secret mission to get this heart?
And they still considered him a transplant candidate? Was it the same scheme that got Steve Jobs his liver?
if by scheme, you mean highest bidder, my guess is yes.
The Mick Libel!!!
You know, I'm not convinced he "suffered" those heart attacks, but that he rather enjoyed them. Nothing like gripping chest pain to know you're alive, amirite?
So what evil organ was removed to make room for a heart in that dark and dangerous torso?
"All of THEM, Katie"
(I've waited soooooo long for this moment)
And the donor is rolling over in his/her grave.
Couldn't have happened to a better Sith Lord
In all fairness, it could. But not to a *more deserving* one.
Say what you will about Richard Bruce Cheney. People who truly know him say that he has the heart of a small child.
Every night. With fava beans and a nice Chianti.
You beat me by mere seconds! Still, like Dick himself, jokes about Cheney eating hearts are immortal.
Variation on a theme. It's All Good.
spsss spsss spsss!
"Luke, I
amAte your Father!"In what respect, Charlie?
You stole that from Stephen King.
But *he* stole it from Ray Bradbury, so you're OK.
And I heard it credited to Robert Bloch, so…
“Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.”
― Robert Bloch
I originally saw this referenced by Arthur C. Clarke – of all people – but I can't find where, right now… I've been waiting for years to use it on Cheney this way.
It did originate with Robert Bloch.
Art was quoting Robert, BTW.
It's a *heart,* darlz, not a *liver.* The sides were probably fresh steamed lady fingers, lightly buttered, and baby potatoes, and the accompaniment — why, a young white, of course.
This recipe brought to you by The "Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover"
Cookbook.
We have no evidence that "received a new heart" doesn't mean "to eat, in an elaborate ceremony dedicated to the dark lord".
(Also, Rebecca, if that's a Billy Joel reference in the title, I could not love you more.)
I'm pretty sure the title is a reference to an old SNL running gag by Chevy Chase, mocking the neverending death watch of fascist dictator Francisco Franco.
Oh, now I remember that gag! Well, it can be both, and I'm still "movin' out" (to Canada) if this guy ever approaches a position of power again.
Which itself was a ripoff of the National Lampoon's running gag deathwatch of Mamie Eisenhower.
We have no evidence that "received a new heart" means the heart of a mammal, much less a human. Alligator is my guess. Cold blooded, doesn't know right from wrong, eats pets and small children. I rest my case.
"Of course I murdered him in cold blood. I'm an alligator!"
Loves the smell of chicken blood.
I wonder which young person in need of a transplant must die so Dick can live. The thought of that won't bother him, though, so never mind.
All of them, Katie.
Virgins must be sacrificed to Dick Cheney each year to keep the sun coming up.
Unfortunately due to birth control, all women are now sluts, and the world is doomed.
I don't know which young person, specifically, but I'd bet my underwear it was a *poor* one.
This is why the healthcare system sucks. Rationing is happening right now, but it is utterly irrational in its distribution, with rich fuckers gaming the system. It is like when Jerry Garcia got a new liver – although at least with Jerry, there was the whole history of making beautiful art (and some really interesting ties) to at least sort of defend it.
It wasn't Jerry who got a liver, it was bassist Phil Lesh. At his shows he does what is referred to as his "donor rap" where he urges folks to become a donor.
The difference is that Phil deserved his liver. He took very good care of himself and waited for it for a long time. Also. Phil's liver problem was not due to drinking.
OT- I was at a Dead show years ago, we went to eat at a place in Berkeley that had one of those claw machines where you get stuffed animals. I got a bear and named him "Berkeley Bear" still have him after all these years
Seriously, fuck that guy.
And he'd have a sixth heart attack. And I might have my first.
He doesn't deserve le petit mort. Le grand mort, sure.
Hogging all of the goddamned heart attacks. The nerve of that guy. Why I ought ta'.
As long as we don't skullfuck the guy.
I just got home from dinner, but I'm going back out to the pawn shop to see if they have any rusty chainsaws.
Not with my worst enemy's dick/vagina/10 foot dildo.
You first, Biff.
Do not want.
Good. I hope he lives long enough to see an Obama 2012 win.
I'd love for him to live in an incapacitated state long enough to see Dems take back Congress, but that might require creation of sci-fi level stasis chambers.
Oh, it was probably just a condemned person in China. The BBC said that's where 2/3 of their donated organs come from but the current regime hopes to reduce that number.
God, don't we have any industry left in this country? This is just like the man with the yellow shirts and the gong sound effects said it was.
Take heart brother! We still lead the world in undeserving, shallow celebrities, puritanical, hypocritical politicians, and witty, intelligent bloggers!
Take Cheney's heart. Please.
/fixed.
Worse than you know; apparently, some years back the Chinese authorities rounded up thousands of practitioners or adherents of the Falun Gong movement, and imprisoned them, where they are kept until a wealthy customer for a kidney transplant comes along. Then they are typed and crossmatched, and the most suitable prisoner goes to the operating room and is murdered in the course of organ donation. In other words, the Chinese government appears to be complicit in systematic homicide for organ transplantation for profit. http://organharvestinvestigation.net/
Mass murder without the mess.
I was going to say something extremely cruel about the Falun Gong practitioners, but had a sudden bout of (not-Editrix-induced) conscience. Instead, I'll just point out that with a world population of 7.x billion and growing, we ourselves are making human life cheaper. Right before we drown in our own waste, anyway.
I want to know how he got on the list. He's frail and evil… that should have kicked him right off.
Wait for the Republicans to use this to make a point about socialism: "If Cheney lived in the UK, he'd be dead"
…at which point a petition begins to circulate demanding Cheney's deportation to the UK
"If Cheney lived in the UK, he'd be dead"
So you're saying 1776 was one giant mistake.
The heart is Mr. Cheney’s first.
This is why RS gets the big bucks.
At least they gave him a used heart, not a new one off the showroom floor.
I hear that it took so long for Dick to get his new heart because he had to go all the way to South America
(Central, but eh, pedantry)
It was especially problematic since no one in the GOP knows how to speak Messican.
It turned out okay because they just spoke REALLY REALLY LOUD.
and thanks for the correction, Sloppy of me.
http://blogs.kansas.com/weblog/files/cheneyempero…
This is good news for unicorns.
And good news for John McCain's mother..
They tried to fit the Grinch's old heart in there, but it was still too big.
So they had to settle for a murdered kitten's.
~
"Annnnd…the Most Appropriate use of Alt-Text Gold Medallion goes to…"
(aside) "The envelope, please. Thanks."
*tear*
REBECCA SCHOENKOPF! " Come on up!"
In an immediate aftereffect he wanted to read Lady Chatterley's Lover…
He is now kept strictly under surveillance…
What a sad and depressing story.
Oh, now. Here's a hug, darlz. It'll be OK. He'll kack soon.
I don't want him to kack – I want him to go on trial in the Hague.
I wish it *would* happen, but I know it won't. Bad precedent. Hopey would be risking his life, and his family's, giving this schmuck the future he deserves.
Donor was an otherwise healthy jackal who suffered a fatal head wound. The jackal's family was dismayed, "We'd hoped it would go to someone who wouldn't embarrass our species."
"Donor was an otherwise healthy jackal who suffered a fatal head wound"
During an…
unfortunate incident…
on a hunting trip.
UPFIST!!
All humor aside, organ transplants are serious, risky business. I hope this new heart doesn't reject Dick Cheney.
What part of "all humor aside" don't you understand?…
For the first time in history, anti-rejection medicine is required for the organ instead of for the individual.
Couldn't happen to a less deserving person.
The old heart gave out as the Dick was running from his past.
Rebecca — Can't outsnark you on this one. Brilliant intro.
Also, I'm wondering whether they used an actual human heart. It's true that xenotransplantation carried higher risks, but it's really hard to find viable cacodemon hearts.
Thanks for the cool new word.
Xenotransplantation? Cacodemon?? Cheney????
It's *Cheney,* darlz. It's a CACAdemon.
In lieu of sending flowers to Mr. Cheney to celebrate his new heart, might I suggest sending him a hoodie?
…or one of those cans of nuts with a springing snake in it.
http://blogs.kansas.com/weblog/files/cheneyempero…
Nonsense. Flowers are always appropriate.
There's always deadly nightshade.
Oh, you can still send him flowers; just make sure that they are dead flowers.
I won't forget to put roses on his grave.
Dick Cheney is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life.
He's especially Manchurian with his new Chinese heart.
His brain has not only been washed, as they say… It has been dry cleaned.
You jumped the
shotgungun there, nuke. It's another 8 days until Dubya's birthday.I can see it's already too late for you, I'ma go save myself.
So, you are admitting you have never known anyone but Dick Cheney in your whole life… I feel sad for you.
I hope your pants are consuming you for that one.
One day old and raised by robots?
Why, bless his heart.
Isn't "bless his heart" Southern-belle-speak for "bite me?"
Last sentence has the most win in the universe.
[I'll just repost what I put on the OT thread about this under the last article]
No snark, just an observation. Cheney is 71 years old, and not a particularly robust physical specimen even aside from the age and bad heart. There are always more patients in need of hearts than there are recipients, and so this old man was moved ahead of some people much younger, who have much more of their lives to live, and perhaps young children.
[Though it occurs to me perhaps the drastic weight loss he has displayed recently was not a result of ill health as people have speculated, but rather required in order to be eligible for the transplant. Perhaps he was able to pull strings to get a heart into a 71-year old, but putting a precious donor heart into an obese 71-year old may have been a bridge too far even for the people who were willing to otherwise bend the rules for an influential donation candidate.]
Likewise Chich, I'll paste my reply:
Politics in transplants? No, no, Chich. The medical profession, especially hospital administrators, are highly ethical. BTW, did i mention that Inova Health System made $230 million in 2010 and $130 million in 2011 as a "not for profit?"
Just like there certainly are no big drug companies or financial incentives influencing the oncologists who earn money selling chemotherapy to cancer patients.
Do I have to go back to Radiotherapy?
Don't get me started.
This evil man had his *first* heart attack at the age of 37. I guess if I were Cheney's heart, I, too, would feel obliged to leap out of his chest and attempt to strangle the ever-loving shit out of him. Why they put a heart into this multiple-attack-waiting-to-happen when they refused Nataline Sarkisian a *liver* transplant at the age of 17 will always baffle me.
So when he comes to, who's gonna tell him Padme died in childbirth? Cuz I think he's gonna be upset.
Republicans: The party of "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…"
Nerd WIN.
Good for ONE FREE LAPDANCE.
Cheney would only be upset by that news if the *fetus* in question (i.e., donor of his *next* heart) had died.
Really, couldn't this wait until say noon on Monday? I need a life.
I suppose we have to consider this a step up from his usual habit of eating the hearts of the poor:
"Oh, Mr. Vice President, not *again*!"
"Their fear makes them taste so good!"
They'd better watch just how much of the social safety net they shred, though. If they cut food stamps too far, those hearts are going to get all stringy.
Cheney may have a new heart, but he still has no idea how to use it.
This is the first time that a Tasmanian devil's heart has been successfully placed into a human or a semi-human. The Tasmanian devil's union has vowed to make it the last time this occurs. In response to this news, Cheney replied "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
I can't wait until Cheneys are extinct, too.
In an ironic twist of fate the heart was Trayvon Martin's.
Should read: Cheney has a heart.
Rebecca, I hope you have an emergency plan in place for when Lord Cheney finally kicks the bucket, so you'll be able to deal with the server overload and still find time to ban hammer everybody* who breaks the new rules of civility.
*which likely will be everybody.
Not to mention the people — one or two at first, then dozens, then hundreds — who come forward to confess to murdering him.
It was me.
Too soon?
Well … he's not dead YET, yaknow.
Yeah, like in the scene in "Spartacus" where when asked which one of them was Spartacus, hundreds of them yelled "I'm Spartcus". Hopefully Darth's murderers don't all end up being nailed to a tree.
He's already dead to me.
Urrbody in Wonkette getting bansy'd.
Like who, exactly? I'm not seeing anyone gone that doesn't show up a few days later with a "Oh, I was out of town" excuse.
I know you ONLY KEED, but Editrix hasn't banhammered anyone yet, AFAICT.
Who knew you could still find virgins to sacrifice.
Why else would he be such a big fan of abstinence-only education?
Well, "virgin" is a much more loose term than it used to be. lol
President Obama just released this statement:
'Nooobuddy pulled the plug on Cheney!"
This is….wonderful news for…him and his…loved ones…who…
NO, NO! This guy had hundreds of thousands of people killed in a cynical scheme to steal Iran's oil and enrich Haliburton and himself. If there is a God, Cheney only got this heart so that he could spend at least a decade in six by eight cell.
Here's fondly wishing the heart is that of a Muslim, thereby guaranteeing mutual rejection.
Well, at least it's not that poor Iraqi woman who was murdered by some racist scum in CA today.
That case is a little to pat for me so far. The note, the weapon, the scene of the crime. I'm not jumping on the hate crime bandwagon yet on this one.
OT, but WARNING: If you should receive an e-mail titled "Nude photo of Newt Gingrich" with an attachment, DON"T OPEN IT!!!
It's a nude photo of Newt Gingrich.
Really? No kidding now.
Not really, LL. I'll be doing stand-up at the Michael Steele Lesbian Comedy Club all weekend.
That sounds like my kind of night out.
Dood, anything with a title like that would be barfed up by Google's Evil Filter.
The longer Cheney continues to live WITHOUT HIS OWN HEART, the more and more I doubt my atheism. I mean, if there's any evidence that someone has made a deal with the Devil, I think this is it.
"Deal" with the Devil? Cheney works for him on commission!
Watch it, or Biely will be by to disclaim all knowledge of such a deal.
When is his soul transplant?
OT, and maybe I missed this showing up in one of the posts between the original one here at teh Wonkette and now, but watch this if you haven't already seen it.
Awesome, that's our grandcommy-ma. I can't believe that the wingtards haven't jumped all over this: Obama Shakes Hands, Jokes and is Lighthearted with Known Marxist.
Heart #3 is in an "underground undisclosed location" and/or in a lockbox, the code of which is: 666
What the news is failing to report is that in order for the heart to stick, he needed a blood transfusion from six-hundred-and-sixty-six fetuses, ten litres of children's tears, and the sacrifice of untold numbers of kittens to the Prince of Air.
I am immediately reminded of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame first inductee, The Angry Samoan's award winning song, "They Saved Hitler's Cock"
They saved Hitler's cock, They hid it under a rock. I discovered it, last night. I couldn't even, believe my eyes.
If Hitler's cock could start to talk, it would say: To kill today.
If Hitler's cock could choose it's mate, it would ask, for Sharon Tate!
They saved Hitler's cock. They stuffed it in Mengele's sock
They saved Hitler's cock, and now it wants to talk.
Now it's starting to get hard, I found it in my backyard. Every night it kills a dog, and now it wants, some night and fog
Hitler's cock is on the move, and now I'm scared of what it's gonna do!
Here they are performing it at the Grammys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQjlP_JB5jM
Wow! Thanks, Derrick Wildcat, you are such a fucking TREASURE.
I didn't even know they'd saved Hitler's cock. Till now.
Wow! That took me back to my mispent youth! That's off their second album. I remember a review in some LA music-scene magazine citing this song with the comment "Just in case you thought they'd mellowed out."
Obamacare FTW.
This surgery is obviously 12 years too late.
You know, now that he needs to be maintained in a state of continuous immunosuppression, he lives on the razor's edge between rejection and infection/malignancy. And, the immunosuppressant drugs used will surely slowly destroy his renal function, leading to dialysis. And diabetes is also a looming near-certainty. The more he resists his death, the longer and more miserable and degraded his life will become. I guess maybe the Karma is getting him.
That's the happy times I come here for, thanks!
I always have so much admiration for people who say, "Enough's enough, I'm going to go with dignity when it's my time." I'm not surprised Dick Cheney wouldn't be one of those people.
Of course he wants to postpone his death. Just imagine the kind of horrendous Contract he's had to sign with Old Scratch.
Where IS Biel_ze_Bubba this morning, anyway?
Oh, wait, it's Sunday. Probably hiding from the sound of church bells.
Biel_ze_Bubba, sitting at his huge desk made of human bones, mutters "those Fucking Bells…" keys the sound system on the Universal Remote, punching up the volume on Sympathy for the Devil.
Bends down to finish up the paperwork on Richard Bruce Cheney.
"Let's see… extend lifespan 12 years. In exchange… Eternity of night perimeter patrols in Quảng Trị province, Vietnam in 1968.
Heh, heh, heh."
Well, the Re-Animation Fluid corrects those problems. There are, however a few unpleasant Side Effects
You sure know how to make a person happy, don'tcha?
So, sneezing on him would be wrong?
Well … it's not like you can *help* sneezing, ya know.
During the transplant the surgeon's hands were briefly transformed into black leathery claws while fumes of sulphur swirled through the operating theater. You don't often see that.
What? Are there no death panels?
; no FEMA death camps?!
Was Eric Cantor found in a cheap motel bathtub filled with ice and a note reading "Please don't touch the jellyfish. Love, John Boehner"?
A hideous blob of stolen organs (though that name is already taken). http://youtu.be/DYRFJ6hOrEE
big chance the heart is from some recently-excecuted corrupt Chinese politician, who stole pensions of people who worked in a sweatshop for off-shored company
so this heart is basically as evil as old heart
Frankly, if it was a good, pure, youthful, innocent heart, it would have withered on contact, right?
You see, this is why we went to Iraq: Hearts for Cheney. And, damnit, if he didn't kill enough people to live forever, the dirty bastard. But, the truth is that evil rots you from the inside out, and this man hasn't truly lived for generations; he's simply existed. Burning that dark side power is burning the candle at both ends.
They say a heart transplant can change a person psychologically. He better hope that it does.
(Snark Off)
It truly amazes me that there are so many people mortally wounded in this country daily yet we still hear so few stories of transplants. (I got a call at 3 am that my son had been stabbed. He was lucky because it was in his arm… I am worried about future use due to his art… . which is why I am feeling the compassion of immortality right now)
The waiting list is very long and I understand Cheney has probably been on it for some time. I believe that everyone I know is a donor yet so few organs get used. There has got to be a better way to cut the red tape and allow for more life saving donations… make sure your family knows that you want to be a donor
(Snark On)
Cheney? Why?
I'm so sorry to hear about your son, Rooster. Here's wishing for a full recovery. (Hugs Rooster & Son).
Like you, I ask: Dear god, why?
Thanks.
Like me he waited until after 18 to make some big mistakes and is now on probation. He couldn't go to the hospital because one lick of trouble he could go to prison. I patched him up best I could but he will visit a doctor friend today and we'll go from there. I did see him yesterday and he looked good. We made a makeshift sling. We have not had many good conversations in the past few years but I stressed to him (and he didn't storm away) that he has to chose his battles, not everything has to be a fight and it does not mean you are not a man if you chose to walk away… you can be more of a man.
I am glad I have always been as intelligent as I am now.
Thank you again for the wishes.
Sounds like he might be willing to *listen,* at least. I hope you will soon be able to embrace each other with love and put this pain behind you.
You're always welcome, my friend.
The Obamacare death panels must not have been in session. And Rebecca: best. headline. ever.
I feel that Dick Cheney should show his appreciation to the Organ Donation Community by becoming a Liver Donor
Seems like a waste of a perfectly good heart. He's not going to use it.
In the recovery room…
Now grimace for us. Good…
"How many fingers am I holding up?"
"Fuck you."
"Success!!"
In life, Dick Cheney received five draft deferments. In un-death, he's going for the same number of death deferments.
Cheers to you for paying attention! Good comment.
Well, it does prove he never had one up till now…
Good thing he's got that government mandated health care to pay for it all.
Ya do know that now there's no reason now why the deadlocked Republican convention will not nominate him as their candidate? Except he might be too moderate.
I read that as "dreadlocked Republican convention" and had a vision of a roomful of Rastafarians trying to decide which evil bastard to nominate.
Such unhappy news for a Sunday morning. As another Wonkette commentator once lamented, how many deferments is this motherfuckers going to get?
The more I think about Cheney's new heart, the more enraged I get. The man has had, what, 5 heart attacks? How in the ever-loving fuck was he allowed on the donor list? That heart should have gone to someone who was in better health, with a better chance of living a long life, not to some vile, undead, warmongering, country destroying asshole who really should just be dead by now.
Someone died so Cheney's life could be prolonged. *spits* There is no justice in this world.
*This* is why we snark, dood. If ya don't *snark* at this stuff, you'll just end up slitting the old wrist-veins.
Nataline Sarkisian. Remember her name.
*sigh* I know. I just feel like my snark gland is being sucked dry.
(Hugs teh Speedo)
Fear not! Snark glands are INFINITELY self-renewing. Tomorrow you'll wake up and feel *extra*-snarky, and marvel at your own resilience.
I wonder if he bothered to make sure the donor was dead before taking his heart.
Here's a just released image from the operation:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_OjLv-xAV-QY/SCm8sA0Y-ZI…
And how many blah men over 70 have received heart transplants?
none of 'em Katie ,,
Deserves ELEBENTY upfists.
I regret that I have but one to give.
With a life expectancy now of 5 years, how many Fox news conference interviews does that mean we can look forward to, with him pissing out of his mouth over anything Hopey does or says?
My hope is that the heart infiltrates the man – therefore changing his basic, ingrained, inborn evil nature into one with compassion and empathy, so he sudden has to feel pain, sorrow and regret for his dispicable life. And then THAT kills him.
That…that…that was beautiful, darlin'.
I really wish this. Like when "the hand" made Michael Caine do all that evil stuff? And, I meant suddenly, of course…I am terrible at typing on my damn phone
I like the way you think, FakataSouth.
After the heart was implanted, doctors stimulated it to start the heartbeat. It beat very erratically for several minutes and then everyone was amazed when it finally stabilized in its new environment at 666 beats per minute.
Apparently the donor's last sentient act was to craft a letter of apology to be presented posthumously to Cheney's family for not having passed along a heart sufficiently steeped in a lifetime of evil.
I would like to propose a national holiday on the day this shit stain to our country finally dies.
Nice Polite Republican Weekend Edition is trying to equivocate, in a civil and bipartisan fashion, why Cheney is exempt from the upper age limit for transplant recipients, and in fact exempt from all ethical considerations regarding organ transplants. And failing badly.
"To know death, Otto–you must fuck life in the gall bladder."
Favorite Warhol quote of all time.
"Andy Warhol's Frankenstein." The only film I've seen half of a decadent College audience actually walk out of.
I stayed for the whole thing.
I did, too. Took my female roommate to see it. She stayed, too. Could've been because I was her ride home, I'll never know.
Ha! My one pretty unshakeable friend stayed until Otto eviscerated the housekeeper, stood up , said "That's it!" and left. I was too busy laughing to try to stop him.
My downfall with the roommate was of my own doing. Like so many other present-day Wonketeers, I'm known for reciting bad quotes from bad movies at entirely inappropriate times, such as the aforementioned "Otto" quote. I learned, perhaps too late, that it should nevar be uttered as a prelude to sexytime.
Hey, I just thought of a fantastic title for Dick Cheney's autobiography but, doggone it, it's already been taken.
I thought you were going to suggest Mein Kampf.
Well, I would have but I've reached my Godwin Limit for this month.
Way too good for him. Try Evil: A Close-Up.
I'm tearing up my card.
This one's for you, Cheney, you Evil, Cowardly Warmongering Sociopathic bag of wasted organs, you.
Hey Cheney The Dick – How's that socialist gummint health care thingy paid for by US working for you? You're welcome you fukkin' asshole. I hear only the good die young, so we'll have this stain on humanity with us for a loooooooong time. Oye!
One of my dearest friends died of a heart attack the day before his 60th birthday. It really burns me that this Incarnation of Evil lives on.
OMFG – I am disgusted at the cocksukking that's going on over at The Fluffington Post. No disparaging comments are allowed to be posted, only those that say what a great American Cheney The Dick is and how people are praying for him. FUCK that – he's a GD war criminal!
We really shouldn’t be so hard on the guy.
I mean, we all really thought there were those weapons o’ mash destruction. The whole profiting thing was by accident if I unnerstand it correctly.
You cannot post a negative thing about this on a rival news blog that shall be nameless but run by a foreign sounding lady. Anything negative is scrubbed.
It's all "God speed, sir" and "a fast recovery sir" and one even said what a wonderful man he is and all the wonderful things he has done for everyone.. I can't even type that without wanting to throw up!
A waste of a heart if you ask me. He'll turn it to stone pretty fast.
Wouldn't it be funny if the Wonkette had such a policy- the comment section would be empty upon his timely demise.
New regime less vile than HuffPo?
As the child of Christians I know this is bad but I was sooooooo offended when I heard that Cheney got a new heart. What a waste of a good heart. It should have gone to someone else. If my loved one died and I heard it went to Cheney, I would ask to take it back. I'm normally a lot nicer and a lot more polite but I really cannot stand that man.
Numerary!
There's a club for people like you. Go there, you potty mouth.
With those Owl eyes of yours, take a glance at my response upthread to Lizzie. DO NOT endo-metrical on us.
I have nipples. Can you milk me?
Then I shall go to the retirement home and push his wheelchair down the stairs. No one hurts my frothy.
(Kisses the little birdie's crest) You are so very sweet to me. I don't know how I deserved this, but I will do my best to.
Thank you, darling.
Geeze, you drop one grisly, violent movie quote and all of a sudden you get the cold shoulder? Some people are entirely too thin-skinned.
I've always wondered about you two.
Damn, I'm glad both the hubster and the wife have an EVIL sensayuma. This house is constantly filled with the worst fucking movie quotes.(Hiking with the two of them, we're always screaming "Ichi-san!" and "Scratchy-san!" on the trail. See, e.g., Zatoichi, the Blind Swordsman.)
Now, that's funny!
I wasn't implying that you were lying, rather that the officers make up more serious charges (obstructing traffice and resisting arrest) in addition to the petty offenses on which they originally stop you for (i.e. jaywalking).
We know how this works. They are smart enough (and evil enough) to know that simply arresting someone for jaywalking won't fly, at least not anymore in any state outside the South. That's why they always initially stop you for some bullshit, and then tac on disturbing the peace or resisting arrest, the latter they usually add on simply for asking about your arrest.
Frothy, you really shouldn't think so little of me. I'm neither dumb nor evil. lol
Fair enough, and I apologize for any little-thinkage.
Some of the arresting officers were actually pretty decent (not the original SOB who should only DIAF), although when I asked the one nice young guy whose car I was sitting in why he was participating in what was clearly a miscarriage of justice, he said, "Look, I'm just trying to do my job here, please don't ask me this." To his credit, he was upset about it. To his discredit, he did it anyway.
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