Toxic Cannibal Newt Gingrich Manages to Find Obama’s Trayvon Comments ‘Disgraceful’

  a soul is a terrible thing to waste

The horrorWell, guess we got one more post in us this evening, huh? Here we were, drinking wine, sitting on the couch, and braiding Kirsten Boyd Johnson’s hair, and this little bit of happiness and rainbows and unicorns and magic flitted across our (somewhat impaired) field of vision: Newt Gingrich, Great White Hope, has turned his attention from protecting the honor of white ladies from Robert DeNiro’s terribly offensive (not at all offensive) jokes, and focused instead on the honor of everyone in this great nation of ours who had the misfortune to not be born black. See, the President noted, somberly and steadily, that Trayvon Martin looked like he could have been his son. Even the Daily Caller, try though it did, wasn’t able to find anything wrong with Obama’s statement itself, only that it had clearly been made at the behest of the Black Panthers, because duh of course it was. But you, Newton, are a special fellow. Open that pretty piehole, show us what you’re working with: “What the president said, in a sense, is disgraceful.” Because the president is racist? Yes.

“It’s not a question of who that young man looked like. Any young American of any ethnic background should be safe, period. We should all be horrified no matter what the ethnic background.

“Is the president suggesting that if it had been a white who had been shot, that would be OK because it didn’t look like him. That’s just nonsense dividing this country up. It is a tragedy this young man was shot. It would have been a tragedy if he had been Puerto Rican or Cuban or if he had been white or if he had been Asian American of if he’d been a Native American. At some point, we ought to talk about being Americans. When things go wrong to an American, it is sad for all Americans. Trying to turn it into a racial issue is fundamentally wrong. I really find it appalling.”

So what Newt Gingrich is “working with” then is “unallayed fucking sociopathic evil.” What did we say this morning? Yes, here it is, ctrl-c/ctrl-v:

But how can a black man be in charge of the Executive Branch when the Justice Department is investigating a possible hate crime against a black boy? That would be like a black man pointing out that it’s stupid for a cop to arrest a black man in his own home for suspecting him of being an intruder, or a gay judge being in charge of a case about gayness. Unpossible! Racism! Bias!

Right. Haha, remember, like 9 hours ago, when that was funny? (Eh, it was never that funny.) So how many hours did that take you, Newty, to decide to let it all go, that last shred of humanity that might have been hiding in there, the speck that knew you were doing wrong before you did it anyway? When did you decide, for your ambitions, to go full-Colonel Kurtz and let all your homicidal tendencies run free? Newt Gingrich, destroyer of souls, ruiner of humanity, really not-good-looking manthing! It’s got a good beat! You could dance to it! Anyhoo, sure hope you at last manage to peel off a few voters from Santorum, otherwise that just wasn’t a very good deal you got for what was left of your soul. [National Journal]

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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554 comments

    1. Greta_Garbage

      NEWT!!!! how did you get back here? i thought i flushed you down the toilet stool yesterday…….

  1. DrunkIrishman

    Newt, guess what, NO ONE LIKES YOU. You're not even popular in your own backward, ignorant, racist party. So, please, for the sake of all that is Holy, take your bloated, smelly, cellulite ass and SHUT THE FUCK UP.

    Please. Just chow down on a goddamn Big Mac, choke, die and rot in the fucking ground because the only thing you're good for is being fertilizer to Mother Earth.

      1. RadioStalingrad

        I got distracted by Death Wish III and the fact that DI got away with new rules violation.

        1. commiegirl

          Hi all! Just finishing up my 14-hour day. Long one, huh? You all good? Can I get you anything? Texan, how about you? Can I maybe stop "annoying" you by writing the way I do, on my website that apparently you own now, and are the editor of? While I'm here, fuck you for acting like I delete people for being critical of me. And also too, fuck you for being a whiny bitch. K, all, 'nite!

          xoxo
          Beccalou

          1. Chichikovovich

            Can I get you anything?

            Well, um, I guess maybe, uh, a glass of orange juice would be nice….

            Oh. Wait…. I get it. That was, like, sarcasm, wasn't it? Ooops. Well, I'll just be heading home now…

          2. RadioStalingrad

            C'mon Momma, didn't KBJ give you a nice massage, candles, aromatherapy, a glass of whine?
            I, for one, love the new muscular Wonketz. And I'm the one who almost lost my membership — for what I totally assure you was a misunderstanding. I've always had a weakness for cute, jewess, strong, funny ladies. And the last two weeks have only reinforced those proclivities.
            I don't know if you're being satirical, but I can assure you, we are.
            Keep on Rockin' n Ravin'
            Abrasos y besos
            RadioRespect

          3. commiegirl

            Why RS, what a nice thing to say! And some others among you, you might kindly take note of how a woman should be treated in her domaine.

          4. RadioStalingrad

            Why thanks Barb, I might not be the wittiest, or funniest, or productive commentor here, but, for sure, you won't be sorry, I can party like a rockstar.

          5. Barb

            Radio, I appreciate you for who you are, an insightful, witty charming, caring person who makes me laugh. Oh, bring ice to the party, please.

          6. RadioStalingrad

            {{Abrasos}}
            Ice is Civilization!
            BTW, where is, our, FROTHY in all of this?
            I was burned last week by being in Ohio with crappy internet reception that started my Kafkaesque nightmare, but she's in the Outback, and it ain't a steakhouse.

          7. RadioStalingrad

            Sorry, one more thing. I've actually met Wonkateers in real life. In fact, I was looking forward to seeing a few this weekend, and was greatly disappointed as they had to back out. And, as you would expect, they are great people in real life. Funny, thoughtful, cute, intelligent, eeeteecee, blah blah blah. And if they are part of this community, and you are the doyenne, and you support our new overlordess, well then all the better.

          8. Barb

            I've never met a real Wonkateer. I have my own website and I've met people there and I always pick up the check and give them pity sex.

          9. Mumbletypeg

            For the record, Radio — you have no idea what malaise settled over me, along w/ observing the driving rain outside, as I realized how much I'd been looking forward to D.C. It's not as if there won't be other opportunities — and turns out my body was tired, from previous week/end's frivolity, and I am feeling oldz & squandered much this wknd on sleep I apparently needed. Glad to see you here so I can know you atheists didn't get thunderbolts hurled by Zeus or whoever up in the angry skies y'all don't believe in, and thank heavens-to-betsies the predicted tornadoes didn't spin any mayhem here either.
            Tornadoes in March, sheesh. Effin'-hey, I'll make the train there next time come hell OR high water.

          10. FROTHY

            Right here, sugarbuns. Right fucking here.

            Late to the party by multiple hours, of course, but hey.

            And who you calling "she," dood? The hubster is gonna be SO bent.

          11. Mumbletypeg

            Hahaha don't take Radio personally. I thought you were female too, I blame my vodka intake. [from like 12 years ago] [slightly exaggerating here].

          12. FROTHY

            Aw, no. I get prickly sometimes when I've had an exceptionally shitty day, but mostly I loves alla youse. Srsly. I have been so happy knowing that there are so many smart, witty, funny, snarky people in the world who have GOOD politics and GOOD hearts. It's a very rare combination (shit, I've been looking for six decades and more, now).

          13. Texan_Bulldog

            Sensitive much? I thought I deleted this comment earlier so as not to hurt your feelings but guess not. I didn't know you owned Wonkette since I've been here since before the PUMA wars (which you probably don't even know what I'm talking about). Not sure why 'annoying' is in quotes since I never used that word but can say that hope you feel better after venting. If you ban me, all I can say is that it's been fun!

          14. Barb

            Barb slides her lunch money toward BeccaLou……
            Run, the Homecoming Queen's got a gun!

            Texan, I don't need to kiss Rebecca's ass because I am wealthy and I don't need a job or anything from her. I like the woman! If you don't, that is your right. Just stop coming here and no one is going to miss you. Stop sitting behind a made up name and tossing garbage at her. Spank your inner moppet and grow the hell up, seriously.

            I enjoy coming here every day and seeing the talent of the posters, the incredible wit, the cheesy puns, the human stories that make you think and yes, Rebecca and the rest of the staff. Okay, maybe not Newell because he got a restraining order against me. Only 317 days left on that court order, Newell and you and I shall dance the forbidden dance again.

            Rebecca didn't do anything to you or anyone else.

          15. Dashboard_Jesus

            srsly, WTF crawled up that girls butt…something's wrong on the Wonkette's here and it ain't the 'Dog…not sure why you feel a need to 'defend' the commiegirl but she's got a SERIOUS attitude problem, srsly

          16. Barb

            "The 'dog" insulted her and SHE'S the one with the attitude? It's her sandbox and not anyone's litter box.

          17. Texan_Bulldog

            Nothing personal but I've been coming here since 2007; I've seen editors and commenters come and go. Who the hell are you to tell me to stop coming to this site and 'grow the hell up'?

            I have enjoyed coming to this site for years (instead of months for you). Oh, and I'm pretty well off myself since that seems to be important to you.

          18. Barb

            You are correct, I've only been coming here for months.
            It's okay for you to attack Rebecca and then give the mother of all hand job apologies and then question why I attack you back?

          19. Texan_Bulldog

            Who's attacking Rebecca? I just think 'editrix' is used too frequently? I haven't apologized to anyone–are you okay?

          20. Barb

            You've been "coming here for YEARS" and you find "editrix" is used too frequently after two weeks? I guess you are really annoyed by:
            blood libel
            all of them, Katie
            magic underwear
            cunt
            Alaskcunt
            Mittbot 3000
            sweater vests
            up-fisting
            p-ness
            Abortionplex
            Etch-a-sketch
            trans vaginal ultrasound
            bl-ah
            Bet you $10,000.00
            Nazi's
            Ron Paul's missing eyebrows
            Read my lips…no. new. Texans! (okay, I had to throw in my 400+ p-point comment)

            If you think anything is "used too frequently" then dazzle us and bring something new to the table. Change the conversation and say something insightful or witty.

          21. Bonzos_Bed_Time

            Well, I guess if it came to that.

            I could of course be a non-biased observer/referee…

          22. commiegirl

            Thank you for the lunch money, Barb. I will see you again right here tomorrow. But Texan is right; I am oversensitive to a few things right now: shirty implications of things I don't do, like delete people or comments who criticize me. You (not you) are welcome to say what you'd like about me, and I am welcome to tell you (not you) to stop whining like a bitch. The other thing I'm oversensitive to is anyone who tries to be boss of me. I wasn't a good fit with "bosses" there at the end. Turns out I don't need them anymore.

          23. Barb

            Rebecca, I was rude to 'Dog about mentioning my wealth and I am sorry for that. It was a preemptive strike because I was waiting for a comeback about "you must want a job" (blah, blah, blah) That was ignorant of me. I lead a quiet life of clipping coupons, donating to needy causes and my closet is a mishmash of sweaters and bathing suits that I wear at the same time. (seriously) Sorry "Dog.

            I went to Ekerd's Drugstore with my daughter Victoria Grace when she was 9 years-old. We were looking at Valentine's Day cards and some old man walked up to her and teased her if she was "looking for a Valentine for her husband" She looked at him and asked, "what do you think this is, fucking Arkansas?"

            The minute you posted, I stood up and raised my arms and screamed, "Victoria Grace!" I have the sweet daughter, Christine Jeanette and she teaches American Sign Language to the little deaf children and she's a pediatric nurse with only foster children. Since the moment she was born with her blueberry eyes, skin as pink as gum and breath that smelled like cookies, I've been madly in love.

            A year later, I gave birth to Victoria. Life is more fun with the Victorias and Rebeccas. I wouldn't trust her with a "do not resuscitate" court order, but she would be the first one to tell me that my sweater is drooping and my bathing suit is sagging and she'd post my nip-slip on Facebook and refer to me as "Birth Mom Barbie"

            I love me some Victoria.

          24. flamingpdog

            What do you think this is, fucking Arkansas?"

            Does Victoria Grace need a husband now? I have a 27-year-old son who is still single and doesn't have a girl friend.

          25. Barb

            Both of my daughters are pregnant and due on the same day. Christine is having a daughter, Mina (Mee-Nah) Evangeline, and Victoria is having a son, Mitchell Anderson. I don't have the heart to tell Christine that Victoria once had a cat named Mina. Christine is still sensitive that her father named her after a family pet, a poodle named Chrissy. She's gonna shit when she finds out. I expect that my great grandchild will be named after a secretly dead flushed goldfish named Gill.

          26. occams8ball

            give yourself some time to relax. I really respected the wonkette staff for taking the weekend off. I check all weekend for new posts, but I want our brilliant editor and staff to have a life too, and feel like they deserve it. I think of Wonkette as being a huge old barn with a trap door in the floor, when the writers come across a fresh road kill, they open the trap door and toss it in to us (the fans) to fight over. We will fight over anything and enjoy ourselves. Sarah Palin speaking in front of a turkey shredder is choice, and we all know it, but any little squirt like santorum will do.

          27. redarmyzombie

            Now, hold on a tic, Ms./Mrs./Not-Sure-Which-Prefix-To-Use Editrix. I understand it's been a long day, and believe me, I understand people are grating. I get it. I dig. However, I am uncertain as to whether this is the appropriate manner in which to respond. After all, as our Editrix-In-Chief, you bear the ultimate authority, and with that comes a certain expectation in how one responds to criticism. For instance, rather than respond with "fuck you", I feel it would be much more erudite and mature to respond with, "Why yes, I am the owner of this here fine establishment in which satire is served. Now, all I've done is set down some common-sense rules with only the utmost respect in regards to mah (my) commentin' clientele, and if you disagree with that, well, you are free to take you patronage somewhere else."

            Now, I realize the words "Wonkette" and "mature" do not go together with the exception of the affirmation in the negatory; however, as a fine cultured gentleman, I feel that in the long run, this may be the most rewarding of methods in which to partake.

            Now, in the event you respond to my humble postulation and I find myself too predisposed to reply, I'd like to wish you all a real good day now. or night. Dependin' on which time zone you happen to reside in. Y'all take care now, y'hear?

          28. Barb

            Redarmyzombie, I read your whole post with a deep southern drawl. Meet us on the veranda for a mint juleps, please. I think that you could be the person who would make me appreciate grits. Thanks! : )

          29. redarmyzombie

            Barb, if my humble comment brought a smile to your face, why, I consider it an honor to have pleased such a fine and distinguished lady such as yourself.

            You can inform Jeff that it pleases me to join you two on such a fine spring night such as this. In fact, if you like I could bring a little somethin' stronger to carry us on through the early hours of the mornin', if it so tickles yuh fancy! ;-)

          30. Barb

            RedArmy, I would grill you a porterhouse steak and a baked potato the size of your head. Hell, I would let you drive my car!

            My Oreo jingle was recorded yesterday. All I can offer you is lots of Oreo cookies and the 3 casinos that Jeff runs. I'm a professional poker player and that is SO boring. *sigh* I'm going to have to think about something that would amuse you and get back to you.

          31. flamingpdog

            Hey, if there's any hot kiss-and-make-up sexytime activitites after all the fighting is over, would someone please be so kind as to let me know so I can ask if I can join in? Even though I was somewhere else on teh internetz looking at French pornpronunciation tips while the tiff was going on.

          32. Barb

            Oh, honey bunches of O's, you just went over my head. I have to call Jeffer to ask how to open an e-mail attachment. Would you accept Polariod photos sent by snail mail?

          33. flamingpdog

            Ah, Polaroids. The first picture I ever saw of a woman's furry vagina was a Polaroid that a friend of mine slipped me while standing next to his locker in the hallway in junior high school. I about freaked, not because of the pic, but because I was just sure the assistant principal was going to walk up behind me and see me with the pic!

          34. AbandonHope

            Wow, that pun was awful and somewhat non-sensical and I totally approve.

            Worf/Martok 2012!

          35. flamingpdog

            Yeah, I know, it made absolutely no freaking sense, but whenever someone mentions a word ending in -cam, that really dumb, irritating word from the Star Trek lingua inevitably pops into my head.

          36. Barb

            "You're no Newell or Layne" And your dog learned to scoot his ass across the carpet by watching you do it.

          37. Texan_Bulldog

            That doesn't make any sense; humans don't do that. Sorry, but who the hell are you to determine who comes & comments on Wonkette?

            If Wonkette doesn't want the opinion of an Army veteran (married to a Disabled Veteran) who is a mom of two elementary-aged kids and is socially progressive & fiscally conservative, they should let me know. I don't give two shits about your opinion and didn't realize you owned Wonkette & deemed who should/should not be here, since I've been here before cankles & Custer wolf. (Old time Wonketteers know what I'm referring to.)

            Previously, the job of the editor/'editrix' of Wonkette was to provide humorous commentary on the daily political news for us to snark about (& get page views). I never recall any of them getting their feelings hurt & telling their commenters to fuck off. I didn't realize we had to massage their egos & tell them how awesome they were. Shit, if saying she says 'editrix' too much flips her out, wait until she hits the real world where people get cut off in traffic, restaurant food gets spit in and the guy/gal doesn't call you back after they say they will.

            I'm still coming here as long as I'm not banned–sorry to spoil your morning coffee.

          38. commiegirl

            Good morning, Texan. There was a man who sent me a note begging me to lay off the "editrix" stuff and referring to myself in posts. I thought you were the same guy and still harping on it — and thereby trying to tell me what to do. Since you are not a man, it wasn't you. I do apologize for overreacting. I honestly do.

            I know you deleted a different comment, but I want you to know: I don't have "perfect" children. I have a 17-year-old boy whom I've been raising from the age of 18 months. He was a crack baby. When I got him, he couldn't crawl yet. He's a sweet, dumb kid, he's certainly not going to college, and I have very sincere doubts that he will manage to graduate in June, because he cannot pass the high school exam for the life of him. I worry ALL. THE. TIME.

            And Jesus Christ, how many times do I have to tell you I don't ban people for criticizing me? See, you're still implying I do. Stop it already, christ.

          39. Texan_Bulldog

            Good morning to you, CG. No, that wasn't me who emailed you. I just happened to notice you said that fairly often, but I will no longer harangue you about it. I am sincerely sorry that it became an issue.

            There are no words for a person who opens their heart & home to a child in need, esp. knowing that child will have a hard row to hoe in this life. My 7-year-old son is not technically developmentally disabled, but he does march to the beat of his own drum, which of course causes me to worry about his future (but it's nothing compared to your worries).

            I enjoy Wonkette immensely. Living in a deeply red state, I have few Democratic friends. I usually just keep my mouth shut when politics come up. Here, I feel like I have 'friends' who are like-minded and I can share my opinions. It's my guilty pleasure (along with disco music, romance novels and gummy bears).

            Anyway, hope you have a great weekend. Cheers!

          40. Bezoar

            I for one appreciate the return to genteel civility on display here. Remember, we must all hang together or we will all hang separately.

          41. GreatChristiano

            Wait a minute–you mean we are only supposed to make fun of republicans on here?

            Oh, shit!

          42. FROTHY

            (Hugs you) I'm glad you worked it out, ladies. T_B, I hope you know how much I appreciate you. Things have been crappy all around, and I didn't want to see you go away, and most especially go away feeling unappreciated. But my connection is very slow, and I'm a whole day and a half behind in timezones, so I'm just grateful that you're not leaving. I send you a case of virtual gummy bears.

          43. Bonzos_Bed_Time

            100% fer realz comment: Transfer him to a private Jeebus school immediately for the last few months of senior year. He can graduate there w/out having to pass the CAHSEE. DO IT NOW!!!! I don't know how to send PMs, but this relates to my day job (yes, I'm actually a gainfully employed liberal elite).

          44. PsycWench

            DAMMIT it's the point in the semester where I can't afford to look at Wonkette hardly at all during the week and I find there is some sort of bitch-slap thing going on and even worse, Texan spoke the name of Custer Wolf…I thought that name was never to be spoken again. The trauma I am experiencing right now…

          45. Texan_Bulldog

            Ha ha. Did you notice you can't put the two words together or it won't go through the Wonkette filter? I also lovingly remember the big head of Campbell Brown, the old [ugly] brown format and AngryBlackGuy (hope he's doing well). Good luck with your classes.

          46. Texan_Bulldog

            I tried it but it wouldn't post but my Firefox has been acting wonky. Whew, that chick was something else.

          47. Trinket

            Where IS AngryBlackGuy?

            For the record (since I know you all totally give a shit), I like you, Texan_Bulldog. I like you, too, Rebecca Schoenkopf.

            All this infighting makes me almost long for Neilist. Now, THAT guy was an asshole.

          48. PsycWench

            Not even a fun and witty asshole. More like that guy who draws Mallard Fillmore or whatever that shrill right-wing comic is.

          49. Texan_Bulldog

            Thanks, Trinket. Don't know what happened to ABG. I know a few years ago he posted a diary on DailyKOS about how his mortgage company was screwing him over on his house. I believe he lived in FL. I just hope he wasn't wearing a hoodie & walking down a FL street.

          50. Nothingisamiss

            Glad you're here. I'm late to the party, but I've always thought better late than never. As a years long denizen of these parts I appreciate you. (I probably don't always agree with you, but meh, I live in the south and am surrounded by fuckheads. Even in disagreement you're not a fuckhead.)

          51. Barb

            Texan_bulldog, I just squandered 15 minutes of my life to post a 10 paragraph response to you and then deleted it.

            Suck it, I said, SUCK IT! Take Dashboard_Jesus and suck it until your empty heads implode.

            I will be back in the morning. I'm hoping for that really hot guy to bring me coffee in the morning, as he usually does.

          52. tessiee

            Jeez, I'm away from you guys for one day — ONE DAY!! — with agonizingly painful dental surgery, and you see what happens? I miss a big brawl with everybody else fighting in a big cartoon puff of smoke with stars and fists sticking out of it everywhichways.

            I suppose the life lesson here is DO NOT STEP AWAY FROM THE SNARK.

          53. FROTHY

            I'm tellin' ya. Turn your back on these Wonkrats for ten minnitz and they get up to SUMPN.

            (Hugs you) Hope you're feeling better, kiddo. Just don't take Toradol, that stuff eats your stomach from the inside out.

          54. user-of-owls

            Oooh, now you've done it. Don't you get it?? Impolite, non-submissive lickspittles are not welcome here anymore. You see, we might hurt the feelings of the people who are ginning up attacks on Trayvon Martin (he's the violent one!), demanding that women get fucking rape probed by the state and murdering undocumented aliens and their fucking children. Heaven forfend!

            Who could have ever imagined that one day custerwolf would come back and buy this place?

          55. not that Dewey

            58-1: Definition of counter-revolutionary activity: "A counter-revolutionary action is any action aimed at overthrowing, undermining or weakening of the power of wonketeers' and commenters' posts… and editors of the Wonket and autonomous associate editors, or at the undermining or weakening of the external security of the Wonket and main economical, political and national achievements of the trucknutz revolution"

            58-1а. Treason: death sentence or 10 years of prison, both cases with property confiscation.

            58-1в. In the case of flight of the offender in treason subject to 58-1б, his relatives were subject to 5–10 years of imprisonment with confiscation or 5 years of Huffington Post exile, depending on the circumstances: either they helped or knew and didn't report or simply lived with the offender.

            58-1г. Non-reporting of a treason: 10 years of imprisonment. Non-reporting by others: offense by Article 58-12.

            58-2. Armed uprising or intervention with the goal to seize the power: up to death with confiscation, including formal recognition as "enemy of wonketeers".

            58-3. Contacts with commenters "with counter-revolutionary purposes" (as defined by 58-1) are subject to Article 58-2.

            58-4. Any kind of help to commenters which, not recognizing the equality of the commenting system, strives to overthrow it: punishment similar to 58-2.

            58-5. Urging any commenter to declaration of blog war, Breitbart intervention, trolling, capture of site property, breaking diplomatic relations, breaking bipartisan treaties, and other aggressive actions against Wonket: similar to 58-2.

            58-6. Espionage. Punishment: similar to 58-2.

            58-7. Undermining of site industry, click-throughs, monetary circulation or advertising system, as well as of cooperative societies and organizations, with counter-revolutionary purpose (as defined by 58-1) by means of the corresponding usage of the site institutions, as well as by opposing their normal functioning: same as 58-2. Note: the offense according to this article was known as wrecking and the offenders were called "wreckers".

            58-8. Terrorist acts against representatives of Wonket power or of wonketeers organizations: same as 58-2.

            58-9. Damage of topic, searchable links, comment replies, up-fisting and other network or site and communal property with counter-revolutionary purpose: same as 58-2.

            58-10. Anti-Wonket and counter-revolutionary propaganda and agitation: at least 6 months of imprisonment. In the conditions of unrest or blogwar: same as 58.2.

            58-11. Any kind of organizational or support actions related to the preparation or execution of the above crimes is equated to the corresponding offenses and prosecuted by the corresponding articles.

            58-12. Non-reporting of a "counter-revolutionary activity": at least 6 months of imprisonment.

            58-13. Active struggle against revolutionary movement of Laynist personnel and members of "counter-revolutionary commenters" during the civil war, same as 58-2.

            58-14 "Counter-revolutionary sabotage", i.e., conscious non-execution or deliberately careless execution of "defined duties", aimed at the weakening of the power of the poop blog and of the functioning of the site apparatus is subject to at least one year of freedom deprivation, and under especially aggravating circumstances, up to the highest measure of social protection: execution by banhammer with confiscation of property.

          56. user-of-owls

            First we will kill all the subversives, then we will kill their collaborators, then their sympathizers, then those who remain indifferent, and finally, we will kill the timid.

            Iberico Saint Jean
            Governor of Buenos Aires Province, 1976

          57. user-of-owls

            Boo should run for governor of Virginia where said officeholders are quite fond of forcibly doing unto others despite the lack of consent.

            Yeah, I'm looking at you, Gov. Transvaginal Probe Law.

          58. not that Dewey

            The Blue Caps came by today, sniffing around the apartment. They were at yours, too. I don't know whether they found anything.

            I won't say anything. I'll just blink
            - .-. ..- -.-. -.- -. ..- – –..

            over and over again

          59. not that Dewey

            True story: Mrs D threatened to make me watch that show. I said "why? what am I doing wrong?"

            "Everything"

          60. user-of-owls

            Great story! But nary a blue cap, hat, chapeau or porkpie to be found.
            Why do you hate blue caps?? And homos??

    1. flamingpdog

      I'm not at all sure that Newt is even good for being fertilizer to Mother Earth. You ever seen what happens to the grass in a lawn where a dog has dropped a pile of dog shit?

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Yeah, I'm guessing it'll be like how the WH garden couldn't be certified organic because of the toxic sludge the Clinton's put on it.

    2. tessiee

      "the only thing you're good for is being fertilizer to Mother Earth."

      "Hang yourself over a compost pit, using a hemp, NOT NYLON, rope. If you MUST leave a note, write it on bark." — National Lampoon, circa 1972

    3. DerrickWildcat

      What are all you guys doing on here? Don't you know, "Horror Express" is on TCM right now? It has Christopher Lee AND Peter Cushing! There is like the Missing Link monster on a train and it strangles you until your eyes start bleeding! I think it can hypnotize you too with it's glowing red eye!

      1. dubyatf

        I saw "monster" and "hypnotize you with its glowing red eye" and I thought "Wait a minute! I thought this was a post about Gingrich, not the Anal Cyst poster douche."

    4. Greta_Garbage

      apparently mrs gingrich did not take advantage of her husbands excellent healthcare plan and have an abortion…………

    1. Sparky McGruff

      What's spooky is that KBJ isn't there. HOW'D SHE GET HOLD OF ALL THAT HAIR? HENNGGGH?

    2. Dirt_Dog

      Yes, oh pretty please. Ditch the politics and give us more "drinking wine and braiding KBJ's hair" and where it leads.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Though it has to be said that Gingrich has totally earned the titles of "Disgraced Former Speaker" and "Only Speaker in the History of the House of Representatives to be Reprimanded and Fined by his Fellow Members of Congress".

        I think it would be petty to deny Gingrich the right to bear those titles proudly wherever he goes.

        1. chascates

          If only whenever Gingrich said he was a historian someone would immediately interject "who was denied tenure"!

        2. tessiee

          You left out "Cancer Wife Divorcing Serial Adulterer" — or were you limiting your list of his titles to the ways he's disgraced in his professional life, and excluding the titles relating to the ways he's disgraced in his personal life?

          1. Chichikovovich

            Yes, I did leave those out. But in my defence, it's hard to keep up with the untold dimensions of Newt's sleaziness. The man truly is the Leonardo Da Vinci of douchebaggery.—

          2. tessiee

            I understand.
            We have only a finite amount of time and energy in this life, and if we started snarking on ALL the reasons why Newt is stomach-turningly scuzzy, we wouldn't even have a chance to BEGIN snarking on all the reasons why Santorum is a repulsive lunatic, Romney is an out-of-touch, dickish autocrat, etc. etc. etc.; and let's face it, that must be done.

        3. Serolf_Divad

          I think I like: "Mr. disgraced former speaker." It's how Newt should be addressed from now on.

  2. smashedinhat

    The Horror. Indeed.

    PS; What strange and horrible technology allows for this non stop posting? Are stimulants so cheap in your quadrant?

      1. flamingpdog

        Rebecca's in LA. Imagine if she were in D.C. on a nice spring night when it's 85 degrees out and the humidity is 179 percent.

    1. Pennywhistler

      Lots of stimulants around here, son:

      Boredom
      Creativity
      Too much sex
      Not enough sex
      Total lack of sex
      Caffeine
      Glenfiddich
      Catnip
      Smart and pretty female rabbis
      Smoked Gouda

        1. Pennywhistler

          Yes. Except you Mormons call it the Sabbath, not Shabbat.
          And if you DID call it Shabbat you would capitalize it.

          And Mormons are prohibited from drinking alcohol.
          Even Glenfiddich.

          And are prohibited from drinking coffee.

          And tea.

          And having sex with smart and pretty female rabbis

          1. HippieEsq

            Ha! Okay, busted, I'm as Mormon as Moses. But I am trying to get used to the phrase "I'm a Mormon" for the inevitable post-humous Mormon Baptism.

            And I'll send my auto-correct back to Hebrew school.

          2. HippieEsq

            I'm not sure. But I can't afford to send my iPhone to Hebrew School AND the Grammar/Spelling Academy and I've already used the P section of my dictionary to roll joints.

  3. Texan_Bulldog

    "But how can a black man be in charge of the Executive Branch when the Justice Department is investigating a possible hate crime against a black boy?"

    This makes absolutely zero sense; does this mean any of the other 43 white presidents & their white AGs shouldn't have investigated any crimes against white people? Oh my lord!

      1. GreatChristiano

        Ya know, why would a woman even wanna flash diamonds?

        We know what she did to get 'em…

  4. eldswede

    Somebody please alert Newt that the pigeons are waiting for him by the park bench. They're hungry and want to be fed. Also to hear him tell his stories of his grandeur.

    1. miss_grundy

      I guess the squirrels would just mug him for whatever food he had and run away as soon as he started talking his garbage.

    2. Inchhigh

      Right. Like Newticles would share with those goddamn lazy-ass welfare-sucking pigeons. Go get a job sweeping floors and cleaning toilets, ya scrounging malingerers.

    1. MaxUdargo

      One through nine, no maybes, no supposes, no fractions. You can't travel in space, you can't go out into space, you know, without, like, you know, uh, with fractions, okay? What are you going to land on – one-quarter, three-eighths? You can't build a moon base on a fraction, man.

  5. GuanoFaucet

    What are they gonna say about Newt? What are they gonna say? That he was a kind man? That he was a wise man? That he had plans, man? That he had wisdom? Bullshit, man!

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      Hey, man, you don't talk to the Speaker. You listen to him. The man's enlarged my mind. He's a poet warrior in the classic sense. I mean sometimes he'll… uh… well, you'll say "hello" to him, right? And he'll just walk right by you. He won't even notice you. And suddenly he'll grab you, and he'll throw you in a corner, and he'll say, "Do you know that 'if' is the middle word in life? …. I mean I'm… no, I can't… I'm a little man, I'm a little man, he's… he's a great man! I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of Moonbase Alpha, man…

    2. Doktor StrangeZoom

      Oh man… the bullshit piled up so fast around Newt, you needed wings to stay above it.

    3. noodlesalad

      I love the smell of race baiting in the morning. You know, one time we had a primary for, like, 12 months. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' independent voter who still bought our shit. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like…Gingrich.

    4. tessiee

      "What are they gonna say about Newt?"

      That he's the pig boat who cheated on, and then dumped, two successive sick wives (to date, anyway).

      1. Greta_Garbage

        just curious; who's pecker was newt using to have sexual relations with? oh, i apologize he does have a pecker, he just does not have any balls or does he have the balls and no bat to swing with…….

  6. Doktor StrangeZoom

    If President Obama had encouraged an ethic of work instead of a culture of dependence, Trayvon Martin could be alive today, happily mopping the halls of his high school.

      1. GreatChristiano

        A true scholar–how wonderful of you to point out the appositive in the sentence.

        Well played!

  7. straighteight

    SEAN HANNITY EXCLUSIVE: HUMANOID SACK OF MIRACLE WHIP DECRIES PRESIDENT'S REMARKS ON TRAYVON MARTIN, DECLARES HIMSELF OF NO RACE BUT 'DELICIOUS.'

    1. tessiee

      "HUMANOID SACK OF MIRACLE WHIP"

      Perfect.
      Mayonnaise is just bland and boring; but Miracle Whip is bland and boring, yet somehow manages to also be evil.

      1. dubyatf

        If that corpse could have been reanimated don't you think they would have done it while he was in office? Come on, Negro, THINK.

  8. deanbooth

    "Trying to turn it [slavery] into a racial issue is fundamentally wrong. I really find it appalling.” — Stephen Douglas, debating Lincoln.

    1. V572 Flambé

      Exactly. Just like insurance-paid contraception is a religious freedom issue. Some people just don't get it.

  9. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Charging Newt with racist dog whistles in this primary was like handing out speeding tickets at the Indy 500.

  10. Callyson

    “Is the president suggesting that if it had been a white who had been shot, that would be OK"
    No, you fucking moron, the president is suggesting that had Trayvon been white he would NOT have BEEN shot in the first place!

  11. ManchuCandidate

    Hey, man, you don't talk to the Newt. You listen to him. The man's shrunk my mind. He's a fat blimp in the classic sense. I mean sometimes he'll… uh… well, you'll say "hello" to him, right? And he'll just walk right by you. He won't even notice you. And suddenly he'll grab you, and he'll throw you in a corner, and he'll say, "Do you know that 'ho' is the middle word in whore? If you can keep getting head when all about you are getting none and blaming it on you, if you can steal for yourself when all humans aren't looking you"… I mean I'm… no, I can't… I'm a little weasel, I'm a little weasel, he's… he's a really fat delusional sack of shit pretending he's a man! He should have been a pile of whale shit sinking down to floors of silent seas…

    1. schvitzatura

      Would saying, "with extreme prejudice", in reference to Newticle be exceeding the recently established allowable threshold level of "schoenkopffreude"?

      1. AbandonHope

        My understanding of the rules is "no credible threats". Wishing for something, as far as I know, is acceptable, provided you aren't inciting somebody to do something.

        I could be wrong, but that's how I read it.

  12. noodlesalad

    Lynching is a color-blind crime that just happens to consistently happen to black men, and to suggest otherwise is to engage in Commie Nazi Reverse Racism, AMIRIGHT??!?!?111!!??

  13. Callyson

    "Trying to deny it is a racial issue is fundamentally wrong. I really find it appalling.”
    /fixed
    …oh right, there *is* no fixing what comes out of Gingrinch's mouth…

  14. angerbear

    Newt cares about all Americans. Except the frumpy chicks. And the ones with cancer. They can just fuck off and die alone.

  15. Sharkey

    …drinking wine, sitting on the couch, and braiding Kirsten Boyd Johnson’s hair, and this little bit of happiness and rainbows and unicorns and magic flitted across our… field of vision…

    So just another Friday night of shooting speedballs?

    I am missing the point though, aren't I. Let's see here…

  16. BlueStateLibel

    "Some of my best friends own Hoodie companies" – Mitt Rmoney. (Disclosure: I wore a hoodie to the 7-11 this morning. True fact.)

    1. Biff

      One local mini-mart has a sign prohibiting "students" from wearing hoodies. Or helmets.
      Hengh?

  17. V572 Flambé

    It would have been a tragedy if he had been Puerto Rican or Cuban or if he had been white or if he had been Asian American of if he’d been a Native American.

    However, it's not hard to think, even under the new Wonkette outrage-austerity guidelines, of one instance in which a cold-blooded shooting would not have been a tragedy.

      1. tessiee

        There once was a piglet named Newt
        Who needed a punch in the snoot;
        Assholery beyond measure
        Was his second-greatest pleasure;
        I say we should give him the boot.

  18. spends2much

    Seriously, who do we talk to about getting a new country off the ground? I don't even care where anymore, just a place where there are no people like Newt Gingrich.

  19. RadioStalingrad

    Yes, but Newt is the smartest, non-elite, country professor in the clown car. He could debate Obama in 21 X 3 hour Lincoln-Douglass style debates. And $2.50 per gallon gas — as guaranteed as Callista's hair helmet. Free Markets.

  20. Doktor StrangeZoom

    "Never get out of the Moonbase." Absolutely goddamn right! Unless you were goin' all the way… Newt went out the airlock. He split from the whole fuckin' program.

          1. tessiee

            Let it roll, Baby, roll,
            *shimmies*
            Let it roll, Baby, roll,
            *pumps fist*
            Let it roll, Baby, roll,
            Roll, all night long!
            *dances with booty higher than head*

    1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      Damn. I just now read that you beat me by three hours.

      But I'm not taking mine down. Too lazy. good work, SGM

  21. ManchuCandidate

    Newton: [voiceover] Callista… shit; I'm still only in Callista… Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back in the 28 year old staffer.
    Newton: When I was home after my first marriage, it was worse.
    [grabs at Crispy Creme doughnut]
    Newton: I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. I hardly said a word to my wife, until I said "yes" to a divorce as she was sick with MS. When I was here, I wanted to be there; when I was there, all I could think of was getting back into Callista. I'm here a week now… waiting for a election… getting softer. Every minute I remain in the primary, I get weaker, and every minute Mittens stumbles in the trail, he gets weaker too while Barry laughs at us. Each time I looked around my belly just got a little bigger.

    1. Dirt_Dog

      You are on a roll on this topic — I thought your previous post was amazing and this topped it. It would be nicer if I wasn't getting a creepy sense that you're way too inside Newt's head.

      1. ManchuCandidate

        It's not like Newticle is a deep thinker.

        To think like Newt:
        1) Who do I have pander to?
        2) What's in it for me?
        3) Seriously, what's in it for me?
        4) She's cute.
        5) I'm sooooooh smurt. The smurtest man in the GOP!!!!

        1. tessiee

          6) If Mitt stole my hair product again, I'm gonna punch his face in. MY hair is way more Presidentialer than his hair!

  22. Bonzos_Bed_Time

    There he goes channeling Pat Buchanan's ghost again.

    Whataya mean Pat's not deal yet???

  23. memzilla

    I really want to see the black box with the pretzel algorithm that Newt uses to bend what you and I perceive as normal reality into the twisted racist fap-mongering talking points that come out of his pie hole. Then I want to know who the enabler is who convinces Newt that it will sell.

  24. Doktor StrangeZoom

    I felt like Newt was up there, waiting for me to take the pain away. He just wanted to go out like a statesman, standing up, not like some poor, wasted, rag-assed renegade. Even the right wing base wanted his campaign dead, and that's who he really took his orders from anyway. But it was too late to be a statesman.

  25. memzilla

    Well, I guess all we need to do now is paint the President's Marine One helicopter black, paint the UN logo on the side, and fly it over Newt's hometown of Racefap Corners, Georgia.

    Not that I'm actively wishing for a cardiac infarction, mind you — I'm just saying it would be an interesting aviation experiment.

    1. Spurning Beer

      In line with the new regime, I certainly hope that New Gingrich does not experience an inoperable explosive external hemorrhoid attack or suffer a disabling skullfucking by a rhinoceros.

  26. Sharkey

    All he is saying is that if he were President, he would unite the country around the innocence of George Zimmerman, not Treyvon Martin.

    Why is that so hard for you stinking liberals to understand.

    It is really appalling, and I am fundamentally wrong. Oops, I mean disgraceful. The President, not me.

    (Aw shit.)

    1. RadioStalingrad

      Newt would never apologize, or be contrite, that would show weakness. And we all know this president is morally weak; he's in over his head. He's a disaster. The worst president in our history. A race pimp who listens to the New Black Panthers and is behind the dirty hippies of the Occupy Movement. Newt is for paychecks, not food stamps — and don't even get him started on teleprompterz or $2.49.9 gasoline.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Absolutely right! Weak and over his head. And furthermore, he is a Chicago thug gangster committed Alinskyite politician who has in three short years ruthlessly imposed Marxist Socialism on God's blessed America, and unless he is stopped this November his complete government takeover of health care, the auto industry and american banking will be irreversible.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          You do realize you're violating somebody's copyyright here? And possibly a patent on a "Method of inducing outrage among brain-damaged wingnuts" as well.

      2. tessiee

        "And we all know this president is morally weak; he's in over his head."

        Yet somehow, without ever ceasing to be a strongarm supervillain who controls everyTHING and everyBODY, all the time.

    1. swordfis

      When I was a young kid we listened to the Army/McCarthy hearings on the radio (everybody booed when Nixon's name was mentioned). My family was investigated by the FBI and we knew many witch hunt victims. But I have to say that Newt is even lower than McCarthy and Nixon: Soviet Communism was an actual. potential threat, so those fascists at least had a real-world topic. But Newt doesn't even have a rational excuse; he will do or say anything to get elected, and doesn't even understand how hateful he is to pretty much everyone. However, he could be elected president of the CSA.

  27. Doktor StrangeZoom

    As for the charges against Newt, he is unconcerned. He is beyond our timid lying morality, and so he is beyond caring.

  28. bumfug

    How to tell if there's really a God: If Newt Gingrich slips and falls on wet shit and gets eaten by pigs, then maybe.

  29. Tundra Grifter

    First they came for the fat, stupid, arrogant right wing nutz running for President in 2012 like it was 1859.

    And I said nothing.

    Except "Good fuckin' riddance!"

  30. Mumbletypeg

    I dont' know if he's seen the cards and is pre-auditioning for a future role on Fox News, but it's obvious this pander-master, drunk on his own smugness, has never had genuine interaction — apart from political roundups or speaking engagement fly-by words exchanged or introductions that couldn't be avoided — with a person of color in his life.

    1. BarackMyWorld

      Didn't he already have that job?

      Oh, wait, I see…he wants a bigger contract this time.

  31. Guppy

    What exactly is the tragedy, Newt? That a boy got in the way of those entirely justified bullets?

  32. docterry6973

    Braiding Kirsten's hair? French braid? Tight against the back of her…I'm off-topic, aren't I.

    1. RadioStalingrad

      The Conrad, Congo, apoColypse Now trilogy of interconnecting, zig-zag lines is now complete.
      And also, too, it's as if our man Manchu wrote this:
      but Gingrich's doctoral dissertation? What is that about? Well, I have had some unkind things to say about Newt on this blog — about his pompous, self-inflating bloviating, his appallingly inappropriate self-satisfaction, the sheer vacuity of his utterances. All by himself, he has given self-esteem a bad name.

      1. dadanarchist

        All by himself, he has given self-esteem a bad name.

        That would be a wonderful epitaph to Newt's career.

        1. Greta_Garbage

          All by himself, he has given white men over the age of 50 with hair a bad name……

  33. BarackMyWorld

    The Newt Cocktail
    -Take one quote out of context, carefully dropping any resemblance to its original meaning.
    -Add new, entirely different, nefarious meaning.
    -Mix in indignation and resentment.
    -Sprinkle with modifiers: "fundamentally," "extreme," "elite," or "disgraceful" as necessary.
    -Add hypothetical reverse-race situation.
    -Attack the media.
    -Serve boiling hot and enjoy.

  34. bumfug

    What a coincidence – I too am sitting on the couch drinking wine; Kirsten's hair unfortunately nowhere near Pico & La Cienega.

      1. bumfug

        Versailles is about 2 blocks from my place, what a great little restaurant. Crappy looking storefront, wonderful food and delicious Mojitos. Right up the street is the Mint, where I went to see Hugh Laurie perform his New Orleans blues album and was treated to an unbilled appearance (in a maybe 200 limit club) by Tom Jones blowing the roof off singing Great Balls of Fire. I love this area.

  35. BarackMyWorld

    Notice how all of Newt's indignation fantasies lately seem to involve changing people's races? What's up with that?

    Newt Gingrich has the racial sensitivity of a white character from "Roots."

  36. Dudleydidwrong

    There have been times when I thought that The Newt was a random word generator behaving sort-of humanoid. Now I know that he is an uncaring, unthinking, totally-without-empathy, dumbfuck word generator who evidences not one tiny bit of humanity. I guess that's what makes him a Republican.

  37. BarackMyWorld

    Here we were, drinking wine, sitting on the couch, and braiding Kirsten Boyd Johnson’s hair, and this little bit of happiness and rainbows and unicorns and magic flitted across our (somewhat impaired) field of vision…

    Bow chicka wow wow…

    1. bumfug

      Let's preserve the mystery for now – if I ever decide to get back onstage instead of just tweeting jokes for my old friends to steal, I'll comp you.

    2. FROTHY

      There's my nimble-fingered sweetheart of the writey-writey variety! Smoochies, babes? OK, how about MOAR articles in the inimitable KBJ style? I'll settle, dudina, I'll settle.

  38. Captain_Klutz

    "That’s just nonsense dividing this country up" ???!!!????

    JHC! This Newon is a walking, talking piece of shit — "nonsense" . . . "dividing this country up." — Newt your underpants are too tight, they've cut off the oxygen in your brain, you divisive giant sack of feces . . .

  39. Mahousu

    I do not want Newt to drop out of the Republican race. Why? Because I want to see him keep on losing. Over and over and over again. I'd like to see him lose 47 states. Actually, I'd like to see him lose 57 states.

    This isn't vindictiveness, really. I just think he's one of the worst losers in primary history. So he obviously needs a lot more practice at it.

    1. Negropolis

      I do to. I want him to get through ever single contest, and then on the very last one, come to the realization of how horrible a human being he is. I know that's not going to happen, but a guy can wish, can't he?

      You know, he has claimed — and very early on the media kind of believed it — that his time out of office, his switch to Catholicism, and his marriage to Callista had softened this man, and that he'd been born anew. He can no more change his character than a leopard can its spots.

  40. C_R_Eature

    Goddammit, Rebecca, I was just starting to calm down and now this! You are bound and determined to piss me off tonight, aren't you?

    It's not enough that Newt Gingrich seemed to not only remain gainfully employed after the disastrous ideologically – fueled episode as Speaker of the House where he singlehandedly destroyed all the comity in the US Congress, almost brought the country's financial system to grief by petulantly allowing the government to shut down and then allowing the political hit job Impeachment of a sitting President for no good reason at all, tying up almost all of the attention and resources of the mightiest nation in the world and – one could argue – provide a critical distraction from the growing threat that Al-Quida presented to us (goddammit another run-on sentence goddammit)

    NO,it's not enough that he somehow convinces Rubes to throw him money because he fucked up a very important job at some point and talks a remarkable raft of bullshit. No.

    NOW..Now…He rises up into the national consciousness again, like a rotting bloated corpse bobbing up out of a fetid marsh , by Running for President of the United States of America!
    The sheer unmitigated gall and ridiculously blind self-important ambition of such a move – I barely have enough hideously offensive words in the English Language to describe this.

    Now, this disgusting sack of greed, selfishness and treachery is all over my News, every single day, with his vile corrosive fact-free Screeds and he will not go away! Gingrich, that awful money-sucking attention whore is soaking up valuable time and airwaves with his worthless, self-aggrandizing nonsense, yet again and I wonder just what critical crises we're being distracted from this time?
    Eventually, I know we will find out. And it will be extremely bad.

    For this singular reason, if no other, Gingrich's Enabler Sheldon Adelson must be consigned to the uttermost pits of the Hell I just don't believe in – but sometimes would be a very convenient thing, indeed.

    If there was a God, and Justice and Hell, then Newton Leroy Gingrich would be immediately struck Dumb, then contract an excruciatingly horrible condition where he would turn himself inside out over a period of a decade. Then die, in anonymous shame, and horror.

    His remains would be scraped into a bucket and thrown into the bottom of a contaminated secure toxic sludge landfill, where the world can forget and he can disgust and appall us no more.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Fuck! i forgot Skullfucking! That's because I'm so FURIOUS! See what you're done Gingrich! You horrible Pigfucker!! Begone, Foul Shade of Greed and Failure!! AAAEEERRRRRRRHGHGHGHGH!!!!!

          1. C_R_Eature

            You're funny. Most people back away when I get like this.

            I'm re-reading this 19 hours out and what strikes me is that :
            * I was really on a tear last night. Newt really gets to me, like a Siamese Fighting Fish or something.
            * That is exactly what I sound like when I get really pissed off. It's just funny to go back and see it in print.

          2. C_R_Eature

            I am truly Honored. Thank you.

            This place brings these kinds of things out in me. Perhaps it's the company, Eh?

    1. JohnnyQuick

      All things considered, a pretty moderate response.

      To cheer you up, just think about how Gingrich represents the Repukes as they really are, to the horror of the rest of the world and the occasionally sane residents of the USA.

      He doesn't even have the Aw shucks bonhomie of drunk 'ol W. He's like George Wallace sticking Quato-like from the gut of Himmler.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Thanks, I needed that.

        I normally have a high threshold for generalized Republican bullshittery, but Gingrich really trips my trigger (obviously).

        Rightly or wrongly, he exemplifies to me the exact point where the country began to go so terribly off track in to today's Madness. I know that having him slithering around the media can do nothing but damage the last tattered vestiges of the Conservative Movement, but having to deal with him day after day after bloody enraging worthless day is beginning to be physically painful to me.

        It's a good thing that I've got a place to Rant, Eh? Thanks again

        1. JohnnyQuick

          No prob. You helped me out too, in that I was about to probably lose my just-gained-posting-privileges by posting something far more crude than what you did. But seeing that other people had the proper amount of anger helped calm me down.

          I also am thinking about how this particular Gingrich shit becomes such a distraction from the NRA and ALEC pushing this law and fat J. Bush signing it. It's gotta be on purpose, right?

          1. C_R_Eature

            It's actually pretty fun to work out on a finely tuned Rant here. You'll get the hang of it.

            I think you've got the R's dead to rights. It's ALL distraction because they're working on a Full-Court press with as much radical legislation as they can before the Electoral Hammer comes down.

            They can read the statistical demographic trends as well as us and they know that they're baseline voter is on their way out. If they don't win everything they can they can't set the society in stone for the next 40 years like they want to.
            Our job is to stop them. This coming November. So go Vote.

          1. C_R_Eature

            Yeah, that was weird last night. I wrote that up, hit "Submit" and it was immediately whisked off to the Naughty Room. I had no idea why, at the time.

            I couldn't face the shame of a Deleted by the Admin.. post, so I deleted that and retyped the first sentence. Went back and the original was back and the later one too! So I deleted the one-sentence one and let the older post ride.

            I'm working under the assumption now that Our Beneficent Overlords closely examine posts that end up in the Naughty Room for Thoughtcrime and,if they pass, are re-posted.

      2. tessiee

        "He's like George Wallace sticking Quato-like from the gut of Himmler."

        Now you reminded me of that movie "Basket Case".

        1. Chichikovovich

          Newt does kind of look like Belial from that movie. Except more repulsive-looking of course.

          Maybe once Newt is finally bumped from the running, he can take the starring role in the sequel: Shipping Container Case: Belial's Been Eating!

      1. C_R_Eature

        That's a good idea (not the other Frothy – that would be like hugging a mainmast).

        Actually, The Rant has helped. Somehow it's good to see all the evil manifested in Gingrich out in print.

        1. dubyatf

          LOL.
          That was funny, the way you mentioned yer balls and hairy lil rodent in such close proximity.
          I've always thought of balls as belonging to the Marsupial family. Pocket pool and all that.

          1. FROTHY

            Ai-yiii!

            There's lots of possums here. Cute little things that live high up in the trees. I can see them carrying one's (stolen) balls around in their little marsupial pouches.

          2. C_R_Eature

            " A Possum Stole My Balls!

            "Watch the hilarity as our plucky group of contestants search the treetops for the one Opossum that has stolen all of their Balls."

            New Reality TV series from Australia.

    2. ManchuCandidate

      He's not in it to win it. Look at his campaign. Totally on the cheap. Got no real resources or even a decent campaign team (or what passes for one in the GOP these days.)

      I think he's doing it to keep himself relevant to keep rolling in the wingnut welfare. Instead of former disgraced house speaker, he'll be known as former preznit candidate Newtie Toot much like that loser from Alaska. However, I think he's forgot that the Super PACs have changed things since 2008 and are about cutting out the middlemen like Newtie Toot and shovel money directly to the important people… not a clapped out diamond whore like him.

      He's doesn't realize that no one gives a shit about a loser. They want guys with access, guys who can be elected.

      The one thing that a guy like Newtie Toot craves is power and access. It's not going to happen after this election as he's alienated a lot of the very people he needs thanks to his attacks on the Rombot. The one thing Cons don't do well is forgive anyone who "aids" the enemy. He's even more unlikeable than before the primary because he's a big sore loser.

      He might be rich at the end of this, but he loves power more. He'll probably find himself more isolated and impotent at the end. A joke to the other side and loathsome piece of shit to his own. That will probably hurt him way more than being poor.

      1. C_R_Eature

        That's an excellent analysis MC. I've been bouncing back and forth between the Oh he's only in it for the money and Holy shit he's really serious about this poles. Sometimes daily.

        I think you're right. He's managed to shit in every nest he's wormed his way into over the years and this it the last desperate leap for the Gold Ring. At he very least he'll be able to write a terrible, immediately-remaindered book and go on the bloated fee Speaker Circuit.

        He doesn't realize, too, that he's dramatically overexposed himself to the American public who'll be only too happy to see him go into that Good Night.

        I don't think it's just me.

        1. Geminisunmars

          He'll end up roaming the streets of some gated community looking for some hoodied kid to "confront".

          1. C_R_Eature

            I'm having a hard time visualizing that, unless it's in a Hoverround or remotely-operating a tracked Robot.
            There's that Laziness factor.

        2. Swampgas_Man

          One apparent reason for Newtie Tootie staying in the race is his apparent Haaaaaate for Romney. Seriously, it's like Mitts stole his lunch money when they were kids and the Toad just never got over it.

          1. Biff

            Also, Sheldon Adelson. He is obviously a betting man, considering his occupation. As soon as he seriously considers the lay of his hand, he'll fold it, draw Mittens from the stack and make him dance for awhile.

      2. Bezoar

        Right on, but to me the really salient feature of Newt G is his manifest pathological narcissism. Seriously, he is the real thing, the absolute poster child.

    3. RadioStalingrad

      C_R_E, I don't want your blood pressure to bust a manometer, but, to me, the worst thing this amphibious monster ever did was allow Phil Gramm, et. al. to let Gramm-Leach-Bliley and the Security Modernization Acts to germinate. Because of the new rules I cannot express my full contempt.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Don't worry, that 's all figured into my manometer reading. That enrages me but what really gets me (just because) is his disbanding of the congressional Office of Technology Assessment and replacing it with wingnut welfare think-tank screeds and Corporate hired bullshit and the deliberate severing of any ties at all between the two major parties in Congress. He's the root of the combative, poisonous and paralytic tribal politics we see now in the legislative branch

        1. Geminisunmars

          You're number one with me! (And I have long, braidable hair too. Probably alot more silvery than KBJ's, but still braidable.)

          1. C_R_Eature

            Well, hey! and Thanks! you're moved up to number one too.
            I'll dig out the ol' Ashley's book of Knots & practice up on my sadly-neglected braiding technique.

    4. Chet Kincaid

      Newt doesn't have the power to distract the entire government from some imminent crisis just by running for President. For one thing, he is not in the government. For another, the current President knows how to do his job, and helpfully reminded us that he would be able to focus on more than one thing at a time back in 2008. And most importantly, nobody is voting for slimy fuck Newt.

      The best punishment for any of these idiots would be for the public to turn on their ideology and recognize it for what it is. That would be more delicious to me than any torture-porn rant.

    1. Biff

      I really hope he's incinerated, rather than buried. Unless it's soon, I mean. Like before the next primaries, OK?

      1. flamingpdog

        I vote for roadkill. And then the highway maintenance crew can just drag him off into the bushes where people passing by don't have to watch him balloon up, split and deflate, and dry up under the summer sun.

    2. C_R_Eature

      "Here Lies nothing Important at all. Please move on."

      or, better yet:

      Hazardous Waste Site. Do Not Enter

  41. flamingpdog

    “We have got to get beyond any sense of some American group being the other,” Gingrich said.

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ! Newt, you should do tag-team stand-up with Andrew Dice Clay. You'll have them Holy Rolling in the aisles!

    Shithead.

  42. SheriffRoscoe

    I hate it when black presidents suggest it would be OK for white kids to get shot to death.

  43. Veritas78

    When things go wrong to an American, it is sad for all Americans.

    The fat philandering fuck might consider that this is ostensibly the entire point of the Democratic Party, and the bane of every Republican.

  44. chascates

    Gingrich earned his M.A. and Ph.D. from Tulane University. It's time they asked for the return of both of them.

  45. Negropolis

    Yes, turning an issue in which a kid was shot because of his race into a "race issue" is truly appalling.

    If you could see how far back my eyes are rolling into my head, you'd call a priest.

    There has got to be some kind of meme that we can come up with for when a Republican projects racism just because race is brought up. There has to be some way to salvage this abomination that is conservative thought on race.

    1. redarmyzombie

      At the rate these goons are shredding all sense of decency, I wouldn't blame you if you projectile-vomited through my monitor.

        1. dubyatf

          Sorry for the trespass, Frothy. I'm new around these parts. I promise it won't happen again.
          Of course, seeing's how I'm in the early stages of menopausal dementia, I wouldn't advise you to take that promise to the bank.

  46. redarmyzombie

    You know, say what you will about Obama, but at least he gives a sense of intellectualism, sincerity, and grace whenever he speaks, even when he does make a mistake.

    Gingrich has all the charisma and likeability of a bucket full of santorum.

      1. redarmyzombie

        Why thank you, Nostildamus. I just KNEW there was somethin' missing in that there statement!

        1. dubyatf

          As much as I dislike Santorum (roughly so much that if he were on fire I wouldn't piss on him-unless said piss consisted of a combination of napalm and gasoline) I really am moved to say that of the two, Rick is the lesser hobgoblin.
          Also, how much do you wanna bet that Newt has actually taken a pee or two that felt like a combination of napalm and gasoline-dude gets laid a LOT.

  47. chascates

    Because of slavery (Democrats did it), KKK violence (Democrats did it), segregation (Democrats did it), Jim Crow laws (Democrats did it) and other historic abuses heaped on black Americans in our country by the Democratic Party and its supporters, America has been a bit oversensitive about race for the last few decades.

    From 5 Reasons That Shouting "Racism" Doesn't Work Anymore http://townhall.com/columnists/johnhawkins/2012/0

      1. tessiee

        When I still lived in North Carolina, there was a guy campaigning for local office whose name was, iirc, Jesse Page. As we drove past his campaign sign, the former Mr. Tessie said, "I'm not voting for Jesse ANYBODY!".

  48. pinkocommi

    "But how can a black man be in charge of the Executive Branch when the Justice Department is investigating a possible hate crime against a black boy? That would be like a black man pointing out that it’s stupid for a cop to arrest a black man in his own home for suspecting him of being an intruder, or a gay judge being in charge of a case about gayness."

    That would be like Newt Gingrich accusing Obama of having no honor…. I think that was the analogy Newt Gingrich was looking for.

      1. FROTHY

        That was our very own Kirsten Boyd Johnson's original coinage, IIRC. She dubbed that Newt an "amoral, jewelry-debt piglet," and it resonated in all our hearts.

      2. FROTHY

        Losted.

        And, to be accurate, he was porking Callistabot while married to Wifey #2.

        Wifey #1 was his high school *math* teacher, with whom he was having an affair while underage. He married her shortly after he graduated HS, and had two daughters with her. Her name was Jackie Battley, I bleev. She had uterine cancer, around the time that Newt confided to some whilom "friend" that he was going to dump her because she "was not young enough or pretty enough to be First Lady." The day after her surgery, he showed up in the hospital with divorce papers. IIRC, she refused to sign them. Whereupon he stopped making ANY payments whatsoever for his children. At the time, he was porking (among others) potential Wifey #2, Marianne Ginther. During that time, Jackie Battley, still recovering from cancer and surgery, was unable to pay her utility bills or feed her children. Her church had to hold a fundraiser for her because Gingrich refused to pay any support. She finally gave him his divorce, whereupon he married Wifey #2, Marianne.

        During his marriage to Marianne, he was porking (among others) his current wife, Callista Bisek. He announced this fact to Marianne Ginther Gingrich by telephone on Mother's Day. She had gone to visit her mother after learning that she had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.

        Charming little fuckwad, ain't he?

        1. dubyatf

          Apparently the nuts don't even fall off his family tree. Seriously, he treated his first wife and daughters like that and the daughters have come out in his support during this farfegnewton? What the hell? Where is the lifelong festering hatred and loathing a la Christina Crawford? That ain't normal.
          Maybe they're willing to prostitute themselves for a secret service "detail" if you get my drift and I think you do.

          1. FROTHY

            Apparently, both the daughters work for Daddy now, and it's never a good idea to piss off the boss. But yeah. I would rather have starved than take a handout from a swine who could let ME starve when I was just a kid.

          1. dubyatf

            I was mining the vast archive of comedic lore around the stereotype in re: Jewish girls/ladies' abhorrence of fellatio. I'm guessing I must have offended you since my observation is that you and your fellow Wonks are deucedly clever and my remark wasn't all that esoteric. If that's so, I apologize, most sincerely. I have not yet worked out all the nuances here at Wonkette. : (

          1. flamingpdog

            "Bill Clinton does not inhale marijuana, right? You bet. Like I chew on LSD but I don't swallow it.'"

          2. RadioStalingrad

            C'mon C_R_E, we're enjoying the umbrage. From Shakespeare to Conrad to Thompson and beyond. And here's Newt's hoodie as a bonus.

          3. C_R_Eature

            Oh, I'm just not Cool enough to pull those off. I love 'em though!

            Years of field work have me stuck on Aviators. I did get a set of Amber-Matics that are Most Excellent for driving.

          4. Biff

            I can't count how many pair of Amber-Matics I've broken over the years. Used to be lifetime-guaranteed, send 'em in, get a new pair. No more freebies, now that B&L doesn't own them anymore. I had a pair of Clubs last 35 years, so it was a no-brainer to replace them with the same. Sadly, the same no longer exists. The new ones have different sized and shaped lenses, and they're coated. I still bought them, but I doubt they'll last as long. Just as well, I should be dead by then anyway.

          5. FROTHY

            Tsk! Internetz Gay Husband, no talking like dat. I will miss you, and it would be plain ol mean to cause me such suffering.

          6. Biff

            20 more years on this rock should be sufficient, wouldn't wish to outstay my welcome. Can't imagine myself at 95.

          7. HistoriCat

            I just want to downfist you and Biff for these comments. No one is going anywhere – you hear me?!?

  49. not that Dewey

    Newt: Why does Obama 'behave the way that people would think' he's Muslim?

    This guy can't fucking shut up. Just like all the other Republicans.

  50. iburl

    Newt Gingrich (R – Georgia) doesn't see race… perhaps because he's been legally blinded by the glare from Callista Gingrich's pallid, bloodless face & Million dollar Blingrich. Either that, or because he's a self-centered, psychopathic, racist.

    1. tessiee

      "These are my kids. One is black, and one is white, but because I don't see race, I don't know which is which." — "My Name is Earl"

  51. Veritas78

    You all know we're going to have to endure a "book" about his campaign, written by noted "historian" Newt Gingrich, with an adoring forward by noted home-wrecking jism-slut Callista Gingrich (now boffing Paul Ryan and/or Eric Cantor), titled A Year Of Infamy: How America Lost Its Future or some such crap.

    Sheldon Edelsmeg will buy the entire first edition. Cartons of them will eventually be available at retirement center entrances from Boca Raton to Macau. Happily, none will be bought, or read.

  52. MarionNYNY

    "Is the president suggesting that if it had been a white who had been shot, that would be OK because it didn’t look like him. That’s just nonsense dividing this country up. It is a tragedy this young man was shot. It would have been a tragedy if he had been Puerto Rican or Cuban or if he had been white or if he had been Asian American of if he’d been a Native American."

    Well, that's not exactly what the President said, what he said was…. oh forget it. Newt Gringrich the Emily Latella of politics.

    1. tessiee

      "So when the President says that it's too bad that some black kid got shot for no reason, is he actually suggesting that ALL WHITE PEOPLE SHOULD BE ROUNDED UP AND EXECUTED?? Because I have to say, that's not very nice."

      1. Geminisunmars

        What's all this I hear about Republican Confections? Why are the Republicans trying to hog all the sweets for themselves?

  53. C_R_Eature

    Well, I gave this a good shot earlier, but Gingrich's behavior has become so appalling that I feel the need to deploy The Bard:

    GINGRICH:

    "What time is it?”

    PRINCE HENRY:

    "Thou art so fat-witted, with drinking of old sack
    and unbuttoning thee after supper and sleeping upon
    benches after noon, that thou hast forgotten to
    demand that truly which thou wouldst truly know.
    What a devil hast thou to do with the time of the
    day? Unless hours were cups of sack and minutes
    capons and clocks the tongues of bawds and dials the
    signs of leaping-houses and the blessed sun himself
    a fair hot wench in flame-coloured taffeta, I see no
    reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to demand
    the time of the day."

        1. Chichikovovich

          Out, out, brief interminable candle.

          And since that's the cue:

          Newt’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
          That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
          And then is heard no more struts and frets more. [He tells] tale[s]
          Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
          Signifying nothing.

          1. C_R_Eature

            It's too bad Bill isn't around not, because he'd just be having a Field Day with these Republicans.
            He'd also have the easiest job in the world, commenting on Newt. All he would need to do is republish all his old stuff.

          2. Chichikovovich

            Passages here and there fit, it's true, but none of these Republicans have sufficient capacity or dimension of character to fashion one of his tragedies around either as hero or villain. Even Bottom has more substance, and is more appealing than Newt. He might write Newt into a role like Juliet's Nurse, or Macbeth's porter I suppose, but mostly he'd leave Newt, Santorum, Romney, Bachmann, etc. for Marlowe and Ben Jonson to chew on.Unless Puck is going to come onstage soon to tell us the whole thing was all a dream. I'm down with that.—

          3. C_R_Eature

            You are correct, of course, so we'll need to look further down roster.

            Rosencrantz and/or Guidenstern's characters are about as developed as the average Congressional Republican.

            And Yorick, alas, would have to be Breitbart,

            I think Puck is off under a tree, waiting for Godot.

          4. Chichikovovich

            True, those are two good ones. Plus: put dark sunglasses on Ron Paul and I can see him as Old Gobbo.—

  54. ttommyunger

    " It would have been a tragedy if he had been Puerto Rican or Cuban or if he had been white or if he had been Asian American of if he’d been a Native American." On the other hand, if he had been a pudgy, pasty-faced little fuck named Newt, we would have all been spared a lot of ugliness.

  55. tessiee

    How Not to be Racist, According to Newt and the GOP
    1. Anybody pointing out that racism exists and/or is bad, is racist.
    2. Double plus ungood if person doing said pointing out is blah.
    3. If President Obama says anything complimentary or sympathetic about any blah person, ever, he's racist racist racist!!! *stamps foot*

  56. tessiee

    All kidding aside, I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and fart a more intelligent sentence than any of the candidates on their best day.

  57. IceCreamEmpress

    Newt's just doubling down on the "whoever smelt it, dealt it" strategy, isn't he? THE REAL RACISM IS ACKNOWLEDGING THE EXISTENCE OF RACISM! Barf forever.

  58. C_R_Eature

    Well, Doktor StrangeZoom has used up all the great Apocalypse Now quotes, and that's OK by me.
    Bomb 'em back into the Stone Age, Doc.

  59. WiscDad

    Close your eyes and imagine you are Newt mounting Clitatsta. Now imagine you are Clitasta getting mounted by Newt. See this in vivid HD Technicolor in your mind. Now…savor the taste of vomit in your mouth…swishing it around and swallowing back down. THAT…is why Newt is Newt. We can really only HOPE they can consummate their love in a double suicide after his miserable showing in GrOPer primary

      1. C_R_Eature

        I have a Pogues live album, Streams of Whiskey that, if I didn't know all the words to "The Sick Bed of Cuchulainn", I would have had no idea what language Shane MacGowan was using. Or if it was language…

        Unbelievably, he's Touring with The Pogues again.
        Perhaps that whole Brain Cell thing is really true, Eh?

    1. ElPinche

      And if the brain cell is wearing a hoodie, then its pepper-sprayed, choked and shot dead. Also skullfucked.

  60. imissopus

    Man, Andrew Breitbart would be loving this. Which is why, once again, I'm relieved he checked out. The frothing rage would be just too much.

  61. DahBoner

    I agree with Newt.

    Everytime a White dude kills a Black guy, the Judge should be Black, so no bias.

    Unless he's a Rich Republican Black dude killing his ex, then he should be JAPANESE, motherfuckers…

  62. a_pink_poodle

    Oh no, who do I root for, the guy who says stupid, aggressive crap or the guy who says stupid, ignorant crap?

  63. Biel_ze_Bubba

    "..that just wasn’t a very good deal you got for what was left of your soul."

    There you go again, dissing the free market. The fact is that Newt got a very good deal, considering.

    1. FROTHY

      And who would know better than you, Biely?

      That's a rhetorical question, by the bye. I *really* don't want to know anyone who would know better than you on that issue.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        I suppose I could have given more detail: He got a good deal, considering that I was the only bidder.

        Not my fault he didn't set a reserve price.

  64. MilwaukeeKent

    "Sign it and seal it and send it to France. Don't mention my name, don't make any long-term plans." [some Elvis Costello song] — Somehow Newt is always at that crossroads, like Robert Johnson, and walking right through it. Not sure what he's ever gotten from his repeated assurances of "Sure, sure Bub(beezle), I'll sign your paper, right after I finish up with this…" Maybe he's being paid by Romney to stay in the race and divide the conservative vote.

        1. Doktor StrangeZoom

          She's not your satellite
          She doesn't miss you
          So turn off your smoke machine
          And Marshall stack

          She doesn't have to have
          Her young fresh fellows tape back now
          But there's not a lot of things
          That she'll take back

  65. CountryClubJihadi

    Newt is a despicable POS. Time for him to drop "Perma-Hoodie" off behind the counter of the overpriced menstrual blood lipstick section at Neiman Marcus and ride off into the sunset.

    1. Isyaignert

      Noooooo – we need Gnewt to keep it interesting. Damn, I miss Hermann Idonthavefactstobackthisup Cain and Michelle Batshitcrazy Bachmann.

  66. Isyaignert

    This site is the best one on the entire Internets (sic) for honest news and heartfelt commentary. It's like watching the Daily Show all day long.

    XOXO

      1. RadioStalingrad

        Exactly, like you Fuk, dude's got insight. And we've got enough intelligence to avoid the Sword of Damacles, amirite?

  67. flamingpdog

    I just had a thought (which I'm pretty sure I'll shortly regret), but maybe we could all get together and put on a show get up a petition to ask Washington University in St. Louis to torment Newts for cruel training exercises.

  68. FlipOffResearch

    The best description I ever heard of Gingrich is that he sounds like how dumb people think that smart people sound. You can just hear it in the way he angles it in his arguments, I'm smarter than everyone else and I'm gonna blow them away with this argument.

  69. dubyatf

    And by "the speck that knew you were doing wrong before you did it anyway" you ARE referring to Newt's peen, aren't you?

  70. Soylent Green

    Newt is that guy. You've seen this one before. The guy that all your friends says is 'sooo smart'. When you finally meet and greet, you're a little taken that he comes off as an indignant, self-centered, bullshitting pudgeball. Of course, you may be mistaken and chock it up as a bad first impression. But then, after another encounter you realize that you're far superior in intellegence than you originally thought and dismiss your friends and their false god as a lower form of sub-species. Yeah. He's that guy.

  71. GreatChristiano

    Sorry people but O'bama saying, "If I had a son, he'd look like Treyvon" is a divisive statement that proves Barrack Hussein doesn't care about any other race. Read August Wilson's Radio Golf: "Are you gonna be mayor for the black people? Or are you gonna be mayor for the whites?"

    Once again, someone "acted stupidly."

  72. FROTHY

    AWRIGHT, y'all. Pdog's right. Y'all need a giant hug from me.

    (Hugs the whole fucking lotta ya)

    I love you so much, babies. Please no makey teh fighty. Not wiv each other, anyway, and not when there's REPUBLIZARDS to beat down.

    1. UW8316154

      It's okay, and I love you too, honey. Now let's go back to bed and everything is going to be just fine.

      /Wipes Frothy's tears and leads Frothy by the hand back to the bedroom

  73. Toomush_Infer

    Okay, but all sexy-time comments aside, most white kids do look like Newt for the first week or so….or like Eisenhower….or Winston Churchhill…. just sayin'…..

  74. swordfis

    @Rebecca: too euphemistic. OK, no snark, my hands are shaking with rage as I write this and I'm practically in tears at the filthy opportunistic degradation of all ethical values that is this bag of phlegm.

  75. HippieEsq

    Maybe Newt is saying that in the post-racial Obama presidency, people are not allowed to be cognizant of their own skin color. This is helpful to Newt because without a suit he's actually invisible-pale.

  76. randcoolcatdaddy

    And here I thought that Newt had exhausted all possible ways that he could be repulsive.

  77. Isyaignert

    I've always wanted to be the 500th comment! Yeah!

    Gnewt still sux and Obama's still awesome!

  78. Wile E. Quixote

    The editrix wrote:

    Well, guess we got one more post in us this evening, huh? Here we were, drinking wine, sitting on the couch, and braiding Kirsten Boyd Johnson’s hair,

    Next time could you just post some pictures of the hair-braiding and skip the icky Newt Gingrich stuff?

Comments are closed.