Randy HopperSome Wisconsin GOP state Senate dude got recalled for being a dick and also banging some lobbyist chick who wasn’t his wife, and then later he got a DUI and got arrested and now he is on trial. But was it a frame-up? IT WAS A FRAME-UP, he and his lawyers now say. Because of how all the Wisconsin public sector workers vowed to ruin his life! Also? Randy Hopper totally cried in court, like Darrell Issa, a known crybaby, who cries.

So how did those Union Thugz set out to “get” Randy Hopper, and did they succeed? (Of course they did. They are all-powerful. They are legion. They are THE BORG.) Take it away, TPM:

“The day everything broke loose in Madison, I had members of the union in my office who said, ‘If you don’t support us, we are going to destroy your life,’” [Randy] Hopper said. “We’re going to picket your kids’ schools, we’re going to tear apart your reputation, we’re going to have you recalled.”

Also, according to the Fond du Lac Reporter, Hopper and Melowski targeted the arresting officer, Deputy Nick Venne, for having earlier in the year signed one of the petitions to recall Hopper, and also for having not administered a full blood test to Hopper at the police station.

For his own part, Venne confirmed that he signed the petition, but said this played no role in the arrest — that Hopper smelled of alcohol, and gave other suspicious signs in a field sobriety test.

Good to know there’s still some fine people — like Randy Hopper — who take personal responsibility for their actions. Stand firm, Randy Hopper! Just because you are paranoid (and a little bit drunk?) doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.

[Appleton Post Crescent, via TPM]

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  • nounverb911

    The union made him drink? That's some union.

    • Schmannnity

      Ironically, it was The Women's Christian Temperance Union.

    • sullivanst

      Normally its their marital union that drives (R)s to drink…

    • Angry_Marmot

      I wish my union would get me drunk.

  • Barb

    Because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.

  • Randy Hopper

    Hahaha. I laughed and laughed at that name last year, too.

    Try the "It was in my jeans!" defense, Randy!

  • nounverb911

    I've been working on the railroading,
    all the live-long day.
    I've been working on the railroading,
    just to put this guy away.

  • SorosBot

    It's all a conspiracy; that cop forced him to drink a fifth of vodka then get behind the wheel!

    • Z Crudmonger

      Skyy's the limit.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Did you see how that bottle was dressed?

  • GreatChristiano

    So if it's proved to be a "frame-up," that means he didn't do it, right?

    (Nice use of polyptoton with cried/ crybaby/ cries)…

  • dadanarchist

    If these union thugs are really so all-powerful, you'd think we'd have a higher unionization rate than 11%.

    • Negropolis

      I can't tell you how many times I tell people this when they bring up the "big, bad unions." The unions have been big and bad since the 50's, and even then, their peak rate was 35%. Corporations own this country, and always have. When they draw the false equivalency between the power of corporations and the power of unions I just want to scream. Here in my homestate of Michigan — a state often regarded as a union power house — the unionization rate is only a little over 18%.

  • Schmannnity

    Was the "lobbyist chick" a union organizer or a union agitator or a union goon (just to keep with the narrative)?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      All of them, er, Katie.

  • dadanarchist

    Needs moar Soros/ACORN/Black Panthers.

  • CivicHoliday

    So if unions have control over the police…does that mean unions are to blame for Zimmerman not being arrested for murder?

    • emmelemm

      Do NOT give them any ideas.

    • GreatChristiano

      Yes but O'bama controls the unions, right?

      So we should just blame O'bama.

      • Let's develop a Wingnut Rock Paper Scissors!

        • GreatChristiano

          So we just gotta figure out who O'bama would blame…

        • wondering where i am

          Or a wingnut version of Clue: It was the union thug in the bathroom with the copy of Saul Alinsky.

          • I thought it was Bill Ayres in the conservatory with a Molotov cocktail.

            Or Rev. Wright in the library with a Koran.

            Or Michelle Obama in the kitchen with an over-sized butternut squash.

            Or The Gheyz in the ballroom with their Agenda.

          • Nostrildamus

            Your FLOTUS comment is getting me all hot and bothered.

          • I was going to say “cucumber” but I thought it would be too much.

          • Nostrildamus

            Good call.

          • Negropolis

            Rachel Maddow in the stuido with The Communist Manifesto.

            Soros in the government with a bag of Sacajaweas.

          • horsedreamer_1

            I'd Marx her Engels.

          • GreatChristiano

            Bill Clinton in the Oval Office with a cigar.

  • el_donaldo

    Look, if this guy spent the rest of his life terrified that union thugs were about to do a pay-back on his ass, I'd consider that a karmically appropriate outcome.

  • nounverb911

    Do you know who else was railroaded for drunk driving?

    • Barb

      Cornelius Vanderbilt?

      • nounverb911

        Anderson Cooper's great great great? grandfather.

        • Barb

          Yes, his mother is Gloria Vanderbilt.

          • GreatChristiano

            From the college in Tennerssee?

          • nounverb911
          • So he DID come out at one time!

          • Geminisunmars

            So he was always gelatin silver!

          • I don't know which is cuter, the photo or your comment.

          • Geminisunmars


    • nounverb911

      Casey Jones?

      • Nothingisamiss

        Very good.

      • flamingpdog

        Hey, no fair answering your own question one minute ahead of me!

    • flamingpdog

      Casey Jones?

      • nounverb911

        Casey Stengel?

      • nounverb911

        KC and the Sunshine Band?

        • flamingpdog

          They drove me to drink.

      • Schmannnity

        Casey Anthony?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Tony La Russa?

    • Schmannnity

      The steel hammerin' man?

      • Isyaignert

        You sound like a Seattleite! I know the Hammering Man at SAM.

    • MarcelleMarceau

      Boxcar Willie?

    • Biff


    • Negropolis

      I wish Dubya?

    • President Grant?

  • SpeedoFart

    Good jorb Randy! Just piss off those (unionized) cops even more!

    I'm totes sure that's going to work in your favor!

  • flamingpdog

    Randy Hopper totally cried in court, like Darrell Issa, a known crybaby, who cries.

    Are there any statistics on tear-duct implants in Republiklan politicians?

    • Isyaignert

      I clicked on the link for Darryll Issa and saw "Elijah Cummings" – what a great porn star name! Hahaha!

  • bumfug

    That's what he gets for driving with a fucking hoodie on.

  • privatejoker77

    He just wanted to be able to bang a chick and drive drunk just like everyone else can!

  • GreatChristiano

    Ahhh, you know who *else* likes to "stand firm?"

    • Anthony Weiner?

    • Barb

      Anyone taking Dr Porkenheimer's Boner Juice?

    • dadanarchist

      Rush Limbaugh after a couple of vials of intravenous Mexican El Viagra and a trip to a Dominican orphanage?

    • flamingpdog

      This guy?

      OK, he's sitting. So sue me.

      • GreatChristiano

        Ribbed, for HER pleasure…

    • RadioStalingrad

      George Zimmerman?

    • Callyson

      Dan Quayle?
      (Did anyone actually read that thing?)

    • Well it's not Larry Craig. He only tapped firm.

    • Negropolis

      Dewey Cox?

  • horsedreamer_1

    Old Senator Hopper
    Never a flip-flopper
    But he left his wife, for Valerie Cass
    Who unlike wife was willing to allow entry in the ass
    & for this, he faces the bias of a copper

  • I'm sure the Rand Corp, Big Foot/Feet, the FreeMasons, Satan and the Reverse Vampires will also be blamed.

  • Come here a minute

    BREAKING — Randy Hopper Acquitted!

    Scab jurors!

    • flamingpdog

      If the glug, glug, glug don't fit, you must acquit!

    • anniegetyerfun

      Holy fuck, those are some dumb fucking jurors.

    • Yeah, I sent that in as a tip before this post, but the Editrix musta been working off old intel.

    • RadioStalingrad

      Take home message kids: It's OK to drink and drive if the cops don't like you.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Take home message: never take a roadside breathalyzer test, unless you know you're stone cold sober.

    • BlueStateLibel

      Those Union thugs will just find another way to get him.

      • They could just give Valerie Cass an STD. After being recalled and going through a messy divorce, it would be the icing on the "cake". He'll wish he'd gotten the DUI conviction instead.

        Probably won't happen but eh, a Shark can dream. Karma is a bitch, as they say.

    • Callyson

      From TPM, the likely reason:
      Hopper explained that he refused to take a breathalyzer test at the county jail, because county employees had threatened him in the past. A preliminary test that jail staffers were able to take showed a blood alcohol content of 0.13%, above the 0.08% limit, but this is not admissible as evidence in the trial.
      Also–that photo of Hopper in the TPM story? Why, no, Hopper is not stoned at all!

    • GlowneyHouse

      Judge cited something called the "IOKIYAR." Must of passed when the Democrats fled the state last year.

    • If he were tried in Arizona the jury would be offering him reparations, running him for higher office, and recommending that he carry a firearm on his person for quick use when he's too drunk to get his revolver out of the glove compartment.

  • MissTaken

    Union bitch set me up!

    • SorosBot

      Ah, you gotta respect the classics.

    • Come here a minute

      Randy Hopper, it's only a short trip from there to, "You put me out in Denver 'cause my union wouldn't suck your dick".

  • MarcelleMarceau

    Makes one sit up and take notice now that a petition has been cross-referenced by defense lawyers. What next?

    • That's not the first case I've heard of someone being outed and criticized for signing a recall petition. So typical of Republicans. They're probably trying to figure out retribution for everyone who signed.

  • SorosBot

    Did he cry in court because he was drunk there, too?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Melowski also questioned Tim and Tammy Hicken — the husband and wife who along with their daughter first phoned the police about an erratic driver — about their having signed and circulated petitions to recall Gov. Scott Walker. Tim Hicken is a member of the union at the Fond du Lac County Highway Department.

    Genius — the conspiracy extended to bystanders who had no idea who Mr. Hopper was, but reported him as a menace to highway traffic because they probably wouldn't have liked him in the first place. It speaks to the power of unions in Wisconsin that if they only had a time machine, ESP and powerful facial-recognition software that could look inside of moving vehicles, they could have pulled this off.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      So if 100% of Wisconsin voters had signed the recall petition, Hopper would be free to break any and all laws in the state, because it's always going to be a conspiracy? Makes sense to me.

  • JustPixelz

    This reminds me of the time the Democrats tricked the Repubicans into passing vaginal probe laws.

    • MadBrahms

      Or when the liberals brought Rush down to their level and made him say terrible misogynistic things.

      • Negropolis

        Or how when Bill Clinton corrupted the bright-eyed Speaker of the House by having sex with that intern.

  • edgydrifter

    It's not called "acting like an entitled asshole" if you're a Republican.

    • MadBrahms

      Mostly because there's no acting involved. 100% real, oh yeah.

  • Trannysurprise

    Randy – your excuse is FAIL.

    Try this:

    I was just sitting at home playing Bible Pictionary with my wife and non-aborted kids when ACORN thugz and Jeremiah Wright came in demanding that I chug a gallon of Hennessy and some purple drank, etc.etc. Then drunk, etc. Barry, Holder, set-up, Hawaii, Fast/Furious/bailouts, whatever – FRAMED.

    • Come here a minute

      Ah, but the defense was WIN.

      • They must have used the Chewbacca Strategy.

      • MadBrahms

        My next crime spree is SO going to be the fault of AFSCME.

    • PsycWench

      No, no, no one is ever framed or otherwise targeted by annoyed people in higher authority. See: Sarah Palin, Troopergate.

  • Hopper? I barely know 'er!

    Thank you, I'll be here all week.

    • Barrelhse

      Tissue? I hardly know you!

    • Angry_Marmot

      Rectum? It damn near killed him!

  • OneYieldRegular

    It's a little too late to be wishing for support from the Lobbyist Bangers and Drunk Drivers Local #201.

  • flamingpdog

    How does this affect George W. Bush?

    • Isyaignert

      Did you ever see GeeDub drunk on his @ss at the Olympics?
      What a buffoon! That dude's got a lot of class – but it's all third!

    • C_R_Eature

      Yeah, it's just too bad he wasn't arrested for stealing elections, conducting wars of choice under false pretenses, authorizing torture and illegally using the Office of the Presidency for personal gain while drunk. But those crimes are far too huge to prosecute and we all must Move On.

  • usernameguy

    The sad thing is, it actually worked! Yeesh.

    • It'll be OK – Randy has sworn he'll spend the rest of his life finding the real drunk driver.

  • Oh Sweet Editrix, didn't Ken tell you that every post about this douche must include this graphic:

  • hagajim

    Ahh…the union of a dick and his vodka=sexytime drunk loser.

  • ttommyunger

    The modern crop of manhood makes me puke. Crying works with women and kids only, everybody else needs to just man-the-fuck-up.

    • Barrelhse

      Now he tells me.

    • Sadly, the jury found him "not guilty."
      Guess they fell for it.

    • C_R_Eature

      Those aren't Men.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      R. Lee Ermey, is that you?

      • ttommyunger

        Hardly, he made a lot more rank than I ever did. I never made higher than Buck Sergeant in the Army or the Corps.

  • coolhandnuke

    Hopper claims he was "railroaded by the union." He still must be highly intoxicated to launch that defense. I thought everyone knew the railroads were built by the Chinese and a blah–John Henry.

  • RadioStalingrad

    He was profiled!!1!

  • Guppy

    It was a setup by local 1848.

  • Goonemeritus

    The last bar fight I was in was with a guy that was definitely out to get me. It was back in the late 70s and we and been giving each other all manor of verbal and visual insubordination. But it wasn't until I took the Otis Redding 45 off the turntable that he had played 12 times in a row and broke it in half and put it in shirt pocket that things got out of hand.

    • Hah! Even *I* recognize a Tom Waits ripoff when I see/hear one.

  • MadBrahms

    This explains why the Wisconsin legislature has been so staunchly opposed to high-speed rail.

  • horsedreamer_1

    I will be hitting the drinks at Schreiner's en route to my college reunion weekend, that's for sure. Ten year reunion. & sure I ain't done shit, but I did make six weeks with a torn aortic aneurysm, summer '10.

    In other words, Ripon College '02, I am the fucking Highlander.

    • rocktonsam

      my daughter is graduating from Ripon this spring.

      love that town and school

    • flamingpdog

      Ripon! *clap, clap* Rip off! *clap, clap* Ripon, Rip off, THE RIPPER!!!

      • horsedreamer_1

        So, you've had the cookies?

  • Hopper said. “We’re going to picket your kids’ schools, we’re going to tear apart your reputation, we’re going to have you recalled.”

    Moving in with the lobbyist they were boning on the side totally had nothing to do with his reputation declining of course.

    Personal responsibility!

  • Limeylizzie

    Totally OT but this person is so sick and vile , it truly shocked me.!/RiverRoads


      Oh well, it's not like I want them to start censoring Twitter or anything. It is such a wonderful addition to our communications capabilities. I often wonder why I don't have an account.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Honey, his mulatto ass is going back to way or another, trust me. Enjoy ur freebies while the poverty pimp remains

      Oh, she's a charmer. Good god.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Mental illness on full display.

    • And she has almost 3,000 followers, that's the really scary part. Needs medication.

    • This smarmy cow should remember: karma is a bitch!
      (And by smarmy cow, I mean dozy cunt.)

      • Limeylizzie

        Poor Karen Finney who seems to be bearing the brunt of her tweets.

    • Goonemeritus

      I have said it before but I will say it again anonymity has its down sides. We all should to live by the axiom that any thing we say or write swaddled in the cloak of invisibility we should be willing to say with attribution. To that end I would be more than wiling to call this women a piece of shit to her face and hand her my business card.

    • mannacler

      Just when I thought that Pam Geller was America's most vile person.

  • nirrti_rachelle

    Oh…So this is where the saying, "Crying in ones beer", comes from…

  • rocktonsam

    The Tavern League of Wisconsin is a mighty powerful group.
    There are people in Wisconsin with 5 and 6 OWI'S.and not in jail.
    iTS clear Hopper is the victim here.

  • Next, Randy Hopper contests child custody or (A GOP First, no?) child support on the grounds that his ex-wife signed the recall petition, post-facto to the divorce.

  • C_R_Eature

    Ya know what, Randy? the bottom line is that you got nailed Driving while Drunk. Deal with it. Quit crying, denying you're Guilty and pointing at everybody but the asshole in the mirror.

    Let's assume, for the sake of argument, that the Evil Corrupt Unionized Thug Cops really were out to get you. It's a bit of a stretch, but anyway…
    You were irresponsible and gave these guys the perfect excuse to bust your balls and will they ever. There's such a thing as leaning into a punch. You could have avoided it.
    No one should have any sympathy for you. At all.

    That's not even getting into the mayhem and carnage on the innocents you could have brought on the world had anything gone wrong. You deserve to be sent uptown just for that.

    In the Real World, with activists who are really under surveillance by the Secret Police, said activists keep very carefully clean because they just can't afford such nonsense. They still get "disappeared" but,unlike you, they never come back.

    So, just shut up, make an effort to be a Man and Stop your Sobbing.

    Man, I am sick of these people.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Maybe a drink would make him feel better.

    Oh, wait…sorry.

  • WiscDad

    We all get teh 'blame the unions' dodge here…and we're pretty fucking sick of it. There is a recorded BAC on Ass Hopper and that's the end of that.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    No Hopper, you got it all wrong. See if "Union Thugs" were involved, you would have been tarred and feathered before being run out on a rail. It's subtle, but I'm guessing even your GOP brain will understand.

    Whining fucker.

  • Negropolis

    Speaking drunk-driving, GOP (family values) state legislators, google MI state rep. "Bob Genetski."

    When you're drunk after your governor's State of the State speech, you've got a problem, Bob.

  • wolvenwood13

    In other related news, it was found that Randy Hopper has been using the alias Haywould Jablowme.

  • ElPinche

    So what I'm hearing is that railroaded is the new skullfucked.

  • owhatever

    So, Hopper, you tink dem boys was union tugs. Dem boys ain't union tugs, Hopper. Dese boys over hyah are the tugs and dey don't know shit about recalls and shit, but dey do know how to beat de crap outta a beached flounder. Say 'allo to my little friends. Cryin' for you momma ain't gonna help.

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