Hey, 2002 Mitt Romney, are you connected to the Republican Party in the state of Massachusetts? “BEEPBEEPBOOP The only connection is that I’m registered as a Republican BOOPBEEP!” All right, cool, thanks. Smell ya later.
[Buzzfeed]
LIKE IF DEMS NOMINATED DICK MORRIS 11:39 am March 23, 2012
2002 Mitt Romney Would Like You to Know He Is Really Not a Republican
Hola wonkerados.
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{ 163 comments }
And the flip-flops just keep on rolling along.
I think that's more flippiting along, but that's just me
Flippity Floppity, Easter's on its way.
~
At least Mitt served honorably in Vietnam, unlike that draft dodger John Kerry.
Mitt does have more confirmed kills during that period than Kerry does.
2002 Mitt Romney was better–fewer system crashes and more reliable interface.
Was he running UNIX?
FORTRAN
Did Romney have a punch card interface?
Not sure…but every time I see him talk, I would like to have a punch face interface.
Punch cards are people too, my friend!
I never upgrade my OS until I know the new one is stable
And then Romney XP came out with that God awful user interface…
Well, it is certainly nice to see people who aren't afraid to change their minds!
This is good news for Barry O'Bama.
He's gone all frothy now.
"What I'm saying is that I'm not not a Republican."
Here's hoping the American people agree with him on November 6…
Can you actually wear out an Etch-a-Sketch by shaking too hard or too often?
Nah, treat it like you would any small baby.
You can pan sear an Etch-a-Sketch?
Shaken Romney Syndrome?
Rebecca, isn't your new job almost a little too easy?
If you tie it to the roof of a car on a long trip you can.
No, but it might go blind.
Wondered if someone would go there. Well done.
We totally wore some out so that they couldn't scrape too well anymore. Kinda exactly like what's happening to the Republicans.
The etch-a-sketch revival has reminded me of the circular globe-type screen that had the joy stick type handle instead of knobs but with the same silver stuff and screen that was scraped, unlike the magna-doodles of today with their white screens and magnetic black stuff. Does anyone know what that was called? I had one in like 1980 or so, so I know they existed, but I can't think of the name.
Light Brite?
Doodle Dome
Skedoodle. I've been googling my brain for half an hour and it finally came out.
HUZZAH!!!! That's it and oh dear God I would have NEVER thought of that. Wonketteers – better'n google (cause I could NOT get a description that would satisfy them enough to come up with it – EVERYthing was Mitted up)
Thank ya.
Wow, they were loud, or my nerves are worse at this age – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic1rbFGhJ8g&fe…
I'm certainly worn out.
This Etch-A-Sketch metaphor just keeps on giving. You can open the thing up, pour out the contents, and (as I learned from watching "Breaking Bad" – I'm not proud) make Thermite, an apparently highly effective material for melting down one's own campaign.
And Rachel Maddow pointed out, it's also a great example of manufacturing jobs in the US going to China, where worker pay went from $9/hour to 24 cents/hour for 84 hour (minimum) work weeks. The Etch-a-Sketch company said the reason for the change was price pressure from their biggest retail client, Toys R Us, then owned by . . . wait for it . . . Bain Capital (Romney).
Kurt Vonnegut once said something about life always being able to outdo whatever one could possibly dream up in fiction.
Bad Robot!
I think Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin would be the perfect ticket. She can't answer basic questions, and he has two answers for every question.
I'd like to see them debate each other!
I'll go check the listings for the "Watching Paint Dry" channel.
The Golf Channel
Or as I call it, The Nap Channel
The Winky Driller vs The Pander Express.
Tonight on UFC: Mitt Romney 2006 vs. Mitt Romney 2012
IT'S GONNA BE A MONEY BATH
Yeah, that's one of the special cross-era modules EA Sports put into "Mittens 12."
See, this is what is infuriating. Puns, smarts, wit, low-post game, outside shots — Barb is virtually unguardable!!
"I wasn't a Republican before I was a Republican."
"I was against Republicans before I was for Republicans by running against Republicans"
You might think he'd wait a few days before shaking that darn Etch-A-Sketch.
He wa against the Republicans before he was for them.
Other 2002 Mitt Romneyisms:
* The trees in Michigan suck
* What the fuck are grits? Seriously? People eat that?
*President's can't really do much to lower gas prices.
* Corporations are legal entities set up to avoid personal liability and as such, are distinct from "persons".
"Don't vote for the other guy"
On some things, though, he is consistent: "I've always liked to fire people."
For all the crap we have to put up with in dealing with computers, just being able to have the actual videos that forces Rmoney to confront the Mitt-storm of his own words, is worth it.
I think the Dixie Chicks should write a song, "The Mitt-Bot Back-Walk." Who wants to choreograph it?
He likes to fire people, so he's firing the entire Republican party.
I have strong feelings both ways and I intend to act upon them.
"Fellow Americans, I have a perfectly good explanation for this, and that explanation is, uh… Hey! Everybody look over there–Obama is stealing your gas munniez!"
Shake Mitt, shake Mitt, shake Mitt, shake Mitt, shake Mitt,
Shake Mitt, shake Mitt, shake Mitt, shake Mitt,
Shake Mitt like an Etch-a-Sketch! Hey ya!
Shake Mitt, shake Mitt, shake Mitt, shake Mitt, shake Mitt,
Shake Mitt, shake Mitt, shake Mitt, handlers!
Shake Mitt like an Etch-a-Sketch!
Now all the Talking Heads, and Spin Doctors, and PR Shills,
Get on tha screen get on tha screen!
Shake Mitt like an Etch-a-Sketch!
Oh, you! oh, you!
Hey Mitt !(oh, oh) Hey Mitt!(oh, oh)
Shake Shake Shake
Shake Shake Shake
Shake Your Romney
Shake Your Romney
Smell you later?
Do robots fart?
Let's Tweet Joel Hodgson and ask him.
Mike was funnier, but he's a goddamned Republican.
More like release emissions as a by-product of operating processes and coolant operations. Plus all those festering lies probably give off some serious fumes. I'm betting Romney-bot smells like rotten eggs.
This is probably the first of several times I'll repost between now and the Republican national convention:
Mitt would actually get my respect, (though probably not my vote) if he came out after getting nominated with an acceptance speech at the end of the convention something along these lines:
"Thank you! Thank you! (Pause for applause) Thank you!! Wow! OK, settle down now, I've got few words. Settle down, it's time to start the serious business of kicking Barack Obama out of the White House. (long pause for uproarious applause)
Listen up. Listen up, people. It's going to be a long march, here to November. A long fight. I'm going to need your help. And the first way you can help me is to try to understand Mitt Romney. See where Mitt Romney is coming from.
I know you all have seen me a lot on the campaign trail, making a lot of appearances, saying a lot of things about a lot of issues;most of it bullshit. That's right, it takes a lot of bullshit to get the Republican nomination, for whatever it's worth. Let's face it, the Republican base has got a boatload of stupid fucking ideas, many of which, frankly, make me nauseous just thinking about, much less supporting on the campaign trail. A lot of really stupid shit. (pause, awkward silence)
So here's what you need to know about Mitt Romney: he was lying when he said those things. He was trying to get nominated, for fucks sake. Mitt has been around awhile, seen a lot of things, and he may be a liar, but he's not stupid.
You idiot teatards out there, with your stupid hats and your fucking ass-backward ideas about how rich people should never pay taxes; and you flea-brained evangelicals, who are only interested in making sure the government is 24/7 messing about in America's uteri; yes even you Paultard dimwits who want to simultaneously abolish the income tax, the military and public schools; you, yes, you all, are the mighty force that chooses the Republican nominee, for good or ill. And you've chosen ME! (pause for awkward, confused, light applause)
Listen up, morons. I'm done with you. I need a hell of a lot more votes than yours to kick Barack Obama out of the White House (pause for applause). I'm going to need voters with brains, and a basic idea of how the real world works. So, to attract those voters, I'm going to stand on my record as Governor of Massachusetts. MA is pretty liberal state, and I was a pretty moderate governor. I did a good job and was reasonably well-liked. That healthcare thing I did? A fucking work of art. I'm pretty proud of it; we got 'er done. Obama tried to copy it, that's how good it was. He got halfway there, but was thwarted by special interest groups with money on the table, as well as irrational, hateful racists that wield so much power in Republican party…
(these last few lines sort of meander off as Mitt realizes he's emptied the convention hall)
At that point, "Meet our new 2012 Nomineeeeee!!! Sarah "Dingus" Palin!"
I think you just wrote Tom Friedman's next column.
Well, if he's feeling lazy and needs a ghostwriter, he can definitely afford me.
Perhaps someday I'll be known as "The 5 o'clock shadow of understanding."
That makes me want to re-read "Get your war on".
Cue Diana Ross "I'm Coming Out."
He could give that speech. You just need someone who can hack into his system and load that text into his voice module.
It'll look great on the teleprompter.
Thank you. I'd love to see this although I know I won't. This immediately reminded me of a notorious SNL bit.
In honor of William Shatner's 81st (!!!) birthday, the wonderful and appropriate Get A Life! sketch.
Shatner is 81? Wow. All that space travel kept him looking young.
Relativistic time dilation. He's got the body of a 31 year old, it's why he's such a Goat.
And as long as the cops never find out where he's stashed it, they'll never pin anything on him.
The fountain of youth is actually green-skinned tail.
Sweet, but why do I have this vision of Mittens ferociously trying to click the heels of his CFM red sensible pumps together and mumbling something about his homies.
I hope there's no "open carry" at the convention if he reads this speech, if only for the sake of the Secret Service agents and the facilities and concession staff.
"…and that is why we need to kick Barack Obama out of the White House and replace him with Barack Obama!" (cue tear gas grenade launchers)
republican maybe.
Replicant definitely.
Panderbot panders again. (God, I'm starting to really loathe this oily, pernicious ass.)
Me too. But I'm looking forward to the 50 state landslide that will result when evangelicals, Tea Baggers, Paultards, and other assorted dregs of society make good on their word and refuse to vote for Rmoney in November.
We can just chalk this up to youthful indiscretion. It was a long time ago.
When a fundamentally sane individual is willing to pander to idiots by acting insane he is more dangerous in my book.
Agreed. Willard is obviously pretty damn smart and just straight up lying his arse off to people he probably considers window-lickers.
I'm also a little concerned about his Mormonism. Something always skeeves me out about Mormons. Although he probably doesn't really believe that stuff either.
He was, like a priest in the Mormon Church, I think. Not that he had buttsecks with little boys, but he was a local leader. Certainly more active than just sitting in a pew on Sundays for a few decades.
It's almost impossible for an adult to make a credible claim to being a Mormon if they don't also claim to be a priest, as far as I understand it. They seem to expect a much higher degree of involvement than most denominations. I've seen Mitt described as having been more akin to a bishop, although I don't really know on what basis.
Flip floppers are people too, my friend…
Well-lubricated weather vane…
I keep expecting him to try the Jedi mind suggestion trick: "I agree 100% with your opinion. I will do exactly what you would do once in office. I am the candidate droid you're looking for."
R2D2 makes more fucking sense than this guy. Also, I know where R2 stands on the important issues.
Like lubrication? Cuz Biden's making a campaign issue of it
R2 was for empires before he was against them.
R2 LIBEL!!!!!!
As we ALL KNOW, R2D2, Yoda, Obi-Wan and Chewbacca were the only characters whose actual careers as Rebels span the original trilogy and the (ugh) prequels. And R2 was the only one who was able to coordinate Rebel activities, under his cover as counterpart to a clueless protocol droid. He was never FOR the Empire, only the Republic.
YOU TAKE BACK THAT DIRTY LIE!!!!!!!!!
Ha!! You really believe that? Mr. D2 didn't officially join the Rebellion until after at least TWO memory wipes. How can we trust a candidate who literally doesn't even remember what he did two decades ago?! And for that matter, why have we never seen his long form manufacturer's warranty?
I would trust an Industrial Automaton astromech droid any day, buster. And memory wipes? You must be thinking of some prissy potocol droid…in particular, R2D2's opponent, a flip-flopping Cybot Galactica unit that was rebuilt and mind-wiped so many times that it doesn't even recognize its own (re)programmer.
R2 knows the score, buddy, and he'd never let the wookie win.
(This message paid for by Galactic Citizens for a New Hope)
He experimented with the GOP, I mean who didn't? But he never inhaled.
I never did. Those films we saw in school scared me straight. I didn't want to have children with three eyes or any of that other freaky shit.
The DVRs, VCRs, TVs, computers and intertubes all have a liberal bias. They are the weapons of the lamestream media.
No matter how hard you shake 'em, you can't make their content disappear.
"VCRs"
What the hell is that?
That clunky thing in the corner of the room where my daughter stores her half-eaten sandwiches.
I think it stands for Videos Contradicting Romney.
Seriously, the GOP should just concede and spend the cash on a big party or tee shirts or something.
Next Romney admits he's not even a US Citizen, just figured he could do a better job as president, never really check the "rules".
Rules are for poor people, for Pete's sake.
Anyone else have a sudden craving for waffles?
Heavy on the thirty weight, Mom!
Well I didn't before but now I do.
He's a New Republican. Hey, it worked for Clinton…
Cut Mitt some slack, people — there's a very simple explanation for this. Mitt's state convictions are extremely different from his federal convictions. Okay, that makes him sound like Jack Abramoff but you get the point.
Its time for Harrison Ford in Blade Runner to put this thing out of its misery.
Totally OT, but I was so excited with my Nook Color that my son gave me. I could read Wonkette during breaks and comment and everything but not on my work computer! But Wonkette mobile doesn't even show comments, let alone let me contribute any.
Am I missing something? Looking at it wrong? (It's right side up.)
I don't really know what I'm doing as my cell phone is a $15 tracfone, which, uh, makes calls. I'm just never going to be one of the cool kids, am I?
All Wonketteers are cool kids.
It's not the person with the gear, it's the gear of the person.
(I have no idea what that means except it reminds me of my old, "it's not the bike, it's the rider" days.)
Just quit your job and become a burden on society. You will be able to spend all kinds of time here with us.
On my droid stupid phone you can turn off the mobile setting and get the Wonketz in its full Technicolor splendor.
On my iPhone there is a spot at the very bottom of the mobile version that lets you select the normal version. It looks like this "mobile / original"
Wow! Now I can waste the minutes for which I get paid at work by being on Wonkette with my phone wasting the minutes I have to pay for.
Einstein totally predicted this.
Dude! Stop blowin my mind.
Bookmark this on any mobile device, and you'll never get the mobile version:
http://wonkette.com/?nomobile=1
I saw that too, on the iPod, and I thought "WTF is the point?"
Skullfuckingdog and Chet totally saved my life.
"I'm not a continuation of the previous Administration…" In other words, a hearty "Fuck You" to Dubya, Cheney and Co. Nice try, Mittens, you've got the same "R" in front of your name that they have, just suck on it.
Yes, and anyone who believes that a Romney Administration would not immediately be populated by the very same people who have been chewing this country to shreds since The Nixon administration raise their hands.
Anyone? …anyone…. Hello?
Thought so.
Crickets…..
"Hey…where'd everyone go?!"
Fer sure
Now who's the Manchurian Candidate, huh?
2002 Romeny would also like you to know that he knows it's 2002, and not 1902. 2012 Santorum, Paul and Gingrich want you to know that they do NOT side with known librul Romney on that point.
So are we giving up?
It's Romney/Rubio '12?
Did Saddam Hussein give up after he blew up the WTC?
Did Palin quit when the going got tough….um, scratch that.
Did OJ ever stop looking for Nicole's killers, or killer?
NO.
C'mon people, we've got to push Santorum to the light at the end of the tunnel.
For the lulz.
I can't wait for them to nominate Rubio so they can somehow claim he's just as qualified to be president as Obama was, despite being 10 years younger, a senator for less than 2 years instead of 4, and having never run a national campaign. I wanna hear this.
Consideration of Rubio proves that in the wingnut world, brownz is ok. At least when compared to blahz.
I think it proves they realize they can't win without Florida and need help with the Hispanic vote.
The idea Mitt has been harping for 4 years that Obama wasn't experienced enough to be president, but would nominate someone less experienced for VP, probably isn't any sillier than endorsing a national healthcare mandate in writing then denying he endorsed it, or saying he was against the auto bail-out then saying the auto bail-out was just like the idea he had…
Ugh, this guy!
Needs more dietary fiber.
His excuse for this is he is going to say he only meant the Republican Party establishment in that state.
No, I'm serious. That will be his excuse.
That's the fig leaf, but it was clearly the only-ever-recorded liberal dog whistle.
I think some Intern is just messing with Mitts' Teleprompter again.
Teleprompter: GO FUCK YOURSELF SAN DIEGO
Mitt: "Go Fuck Yourself, San Diego!"
"Dammit, Kid! Why did you do that?! You know he reads everything we put up there!"
If you watch Sketchy's videos closely, you will see that the feed to the teleprompter is disconnected, and instead runs up his pants leg.
Oh, so they're flashing his memory chip instead. Makes sense!
DRINO
So, yesterday, Eric Fehrnstrom tweeted:
"Etch A Sketch stock is up? Psst, I'll mention Mr. Potato Head next. Buy Hasbro"
Newt Gingrich immediately demanded an apology on the behalf of Tubercranial Americans everywhere.
Sketchy.
What do you expect when you have a T-101 running on Windows Vista?
Mitt, can I see your birth certificate?
Do Androids Creem in Erected Sleep?
With DSM-5 ready to hit the printers, if this turkey is elected DSM-6 will be needed in a week.
"I said a flip, flop, a flippy to the floppy
to the flip flip flop — I don't stop a floppin'
and I change my positions and switch my opinions,
whichever way the wind blows at me!"
(Reduce, Reuse, Recycle!)
A Gotcha question for the leading candidate for the Republican nomination for President: "Are you a Republican?" No easy answer.
Well, this is the logical outcome of Santo's telling folks to vote for the other team, natch. The pandering knows no limits, people.
He gets away with lying all the time because he tells so many of them, you lose track of what he said when and which was the first and which the last. The news media get tired of pointing out in every story that he has lied again, so the they just stop reporting it. Damn Mittch-A-Sketch.
It's about time someone had the courage to stand up and say: "I'm against those things that everybody hates."
I claim user error.
GIGO
That code written for the Tea Party emulator didn't pass a consistency check. Then again, how could it?
Mitt may be the only person on the planet who would benefit from the return of Clippy.
"I see you're talking to poor people standing in ponchos! Can I help you with that?"
I put that on now when I have insomnia. I used to watch videos of Bob Ross until the tape wore out.
I love golf, I love golfers and I am sad that I am physically unable to play golf myself.
OT, but I remember seeing a comic starring Clippy where he said, "I see you're writing a suicide note. Can I help you with that?"
Thanks, Barb.
Golf courses are great places for taking pictures, even for those who aren't very good at the game itself. (Raises hand.)
actor212 will be taken to the woodshed.
~
I just drooled on my keyboard, Thunder. Those pictures make you feel like you could just reach out and touch the hand of God. Thanks for sharing them with me. I go to Vegas about once a month and I want to see this in person.
Hey Thunder, who's your caddy? ; )
I got better things to do than play with my putts.
But the cyclic ridiculousness codes matched.
The funniest Clippy reference ever.
It's on Talus 4. Sssshhhhhh!
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