So racistHRH Sir Piers Morgan of the Shire had amoral chocolate-sucking anus Newt Gingrich on his television show last night to discuss, among other things, Robert De Niro’s very controversial joke from an Obama fundraiser the other night: “Callista Gingrich. Karen Santorum. Ann Romney. Now do you really think our country is ready for a white first lady?” BOO! TAXI DRIVER/RAGING BULL NEVER HAPPENED. Or perhaps it was not a controversial joke at all, as noted communist Ann Coulter has been trying to explain. But fathead still hadn’t been able to figure it out, and needed a banal cable news host to explain it to him.

“If it had been a conservative talk radio show host,” Gingrich attempted to explain, “who said exactly the same thing but reversed the racial reference, the left would have exploded with rage.” The lobsterback — what is with our gratuitous name-calling of Piers Morgan, anyway? Whatever — the dirty lobsterback then told Gingrich, that, well, “Is our country ready for a black first lady”/”Is our country ready for a black President” were pretty common pundit lines from 2008, and white people have not been the more oppressed race in American history, so it’s not really an offensive joke to white people, and the joke can’t be “reversed.” Newt laughs and laughs! Because he understands it and is pretending otherwise.

[Raw Story]

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  • freakishlywrong

    Is our country ready for blowup doll First Lady?

    • I know I am!

    • Barrelhse

      If she's named Judy.

      • Guppy

        You want a blow-up doll of MissTaken?

        • MissTaken

          Well I can guarantee that my blowup doll would be more lifelike than Callista. And give better blowjobs!

          • Barrelhse

            If I say I'll take two would you feel me gross?.

          • MissTaken

            Soros didn't think it was gross when I felt him so it should be okay.

          • SorosBot

            In fact, it was quite the opposite of gross.

          • brunsworks

            You'd need 144 for a gross.

          • brunsworks

            And the facial expression would be less offputting.

    • Works for me. That's what I've been calling my blowup doll for years.

      • nonbeliever7

        A couple of old Cary Grant fans I'm guessing?

    • stncmchnc

      First Chicken Lady?

    • el_donaldo

      Japanese body pillow?

    • My body is ready

  • SharkSandwich

    What is this crap about liberals watching Bill Maher anyway? Does anyone really watch that show?

    • freakishlywrong

      Next time Bill Maher actually has effect on policy and governing, or for that matter, is invited to a sleepover at the white house, I'll give a shit what he says.

      • brunsworks

        I liked his joke about how his mixed Catholic/Jewish upbringing prompted him to bring a lawyer to confession ("Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I believe you know Mr. Cohen…").

        That was 20 years ago.

    • I actually like Maher but less because of him and more because his guests often include a moron he's willing to bust

    • Texan_Bulldog

      And has no one EVER figured out that Snowbilly was a public figure & Sandra Fluke was NOT a public figure. It's like apples & not oranges. Sheesh….

      • James Michael Curley

        I've been trying to maintain that argument but I keep running up against the defense that Sandra Fluke 'thrust [her]self into the "vortex" of the controversy."
        Curtis Publishing Co. v. Butts

        heh, heh, he said thrust – then he said butts.

        • sullivanst

          The rebuttal to that (see what I did there?) is obviously to point out that the court of public opinion is not the same thing as a libel court.

        • DaRooster

          It was just a fluke that it came out like that.


    • DaRooster

      I saw him once around the time of Religiosity… he was so baked and incoherent that I was wondering if I was watching a "comedian" or just one of my really stoned friends from a high school party.

    • not that Dewey

      The show is way too shouty, Crossfire levels of shouty, with about 5 – 10 seconds of funny. Can't take it.

      Besides, Maher traditionally self-identified as a Libertarian, so he often overlaps liberals on social issues? I guess that's how we got stuck with him.

      • SorosBot

        In wingnut land, anyone who is not a pure doctrinaire conservative is a liberal. Even asshats who are clearly not liberal like Maher.

        • not that Dewey

          I keep falling into that trap of trying to understand the meanings of words and sentences. I'd never survive in wingnut land.

          • Doktor StrangeZoom

            What a snob! Only elitists care about nuance–which is a suspiciously French-sounding word.

            (It's not a real word. Like "gesture." Gesture's a real word. With gesture you know where you stand. But nuance? I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.)

          • Geminisunmars

            I guess nuance is too nuanced a word for you.

        • In wingnut land, the social traditions of Muslims would be adopted happily, as long as no one mentions that they're Muslim.

    • Callyson

      The one person I know who watches that guy is a Republican.

    • Bill Maher likes marijuana. I like marijuana. Therefore, I like Bill Maher. I kind of like Ron Paul, too, for the same reason. Not enough to vote for him, mind you. But I think he gets a lot more shit than he deserves.

    • We draw lots of who has to watch him on a given night. Just so there'll always be someone to catch the couple times a year he says something clever, and upload it to YouTube.

  • noodlesalad

    Ah, Newt, bless his soul. I swear Satan himself could interview him, and Newt would still come across as the bigger asshole. I'm not shutting the door on Piers being Satan, mind you.

  • ttommyunger

    Trying to explain irony to a Republican is like trying to explain email to one of my fucking dogs.

    • RedneckMuslin

      Or to Ted Stevens.

      • ttommyunger

        Ted the Tube guy. Glad that dummy is dead.

        • AbandonHope

          Yeah, but in honor of his amazing gift for language, our two wireless APs have the SSIDs "SeriesOfTubes" and "NotATruck".

          • ttommyunger

            Fitting memorials for a crooked moron.

      • Doktor StrangeZoom

        Funny, I always mix up "Ted Stevens" with "Ted Baxter." Wonder why that is?

    • valgal2342

      Dogs prefer pee mail.

      • Steverino247

        You've got urine!

      • ttommyunger

        and poo-mail.

    • HippieEsq

      yet my dog has a facebook page. please "like" her or she'll lose self-confidence and start peeing on baby toys.

      • ttommyunger

        Like? Shit, I LOVE dogs…..In fact the more I learn about people, the more I love them.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Hey! Dogs are way smarter than republicans so you better take that back before I drag my butt across your carpet.

      • ttommyunger

        Get in line, there are five ahead of you in this house, not counting me.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      You try to explain email to Rover when he's fucking?

      • ttommyunger

        My five are girls. Not by design, just worked out that way. Their fucking days, like mine, are pretty much over.

    • Toomush_Infer

      e-mail's easy – just use dog treats every time the little e-mail sound goes off….what's tough to explain is porn…..

      • ttommyunger

        doggy style?

    • DaRooster

      "The computer kind?"

      • ttommyunger

        Beats me!

    • C_R_Eature

      That's not fair. At least, Dogs are capable of understanding email.

      • ttommyunger

        true enough!

    • Callyson

      And I am happy to give you upfist #69.

      • ttommyunger


    • Trying to explain irony to a Republican is like trying to explain email to one of my fucking dogs.

      I disagree as my late, Sainted dog was a lot more intelligent than any Republican I have met.

      • ttommyunger

        You must rescue one asap! Your life will be richer for it, to say nothing of the lucky canine.

  • LabRodent

    Im just sitting here pretending Newt's at the bottom of that DeNiro Ass stumping. Happy Friday indeed!

  • freakishlywrong

    "The left" doesn't "explode with rage". That's your hateful, bigoted peeps. Own it, fatso.

    • SharkSandwich

      We prefer to explode with pleasure.

      • Steverino247

        Spurt with pleasure. Spurt.

      • My nipples explode with delight! My hovercraft is full of eels!

        • montreal_bruin

          Drop your panties, Sir William. I cannot wait until lunchtime!

          • Come over to my place, bouncy bouncy?

      • tessiee

        Nice comment — but if the truth be known, I upfisted you for your screen name and avatar.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    "I really think it's wrong to use racial references…." This from the dog whistler in chief who calls Barry the Food Stamp President. What an odious asshole.

    • freakishlywrong

      Wouldn't it be great of we had things called "journalists" that would point that out during these interminable interviews?

      • SorosBot

        And shockingly it was he one Fox guy who called him on it – then the crowd cheered Newt's fake incredulous "how dare you call my racist statements racist!".

      • rockymissouri

        Keith Olbermann did….but his handlers didn't want to hear it… It damaged their corporate owners……..!

  • Piers Morgan explaining a joke to Newt Gingrich is like Donald Trump explaining charity to Ron Paul.

    • prommie

      Its like Bristol Palin explaining chastity to Paris Hilton.

    • JerkCade

      It's like Mario Batali explaining skim milk to Paula Deen

    • Mr Ford: Well, I want you to give me a pound, and then I go away and give it to the orphans.

      Banker: Yes?

      Mr Ford: Well, that's it.

      Banker: No, no, no, I don't follow this at all, I mean, I don't want to seem stupid but it looks to me as though I'm a pound down on the whole deal.

  • Negropolis

    When Piers Morgan makes you look bad, that's pretty fucked up.

    • Chichikovovich

      When Ann Coulter makes you look bad, it's even worse.

    • sullivanst

      "You might be a Republican"

  • ThankYouJeebus

    Callista would shatter into a thousand pieces after her first jumping jack. Who wants that 3 am call?

  • DCBloom

    They just sit & wait for something that smells of race so they can say, "see. you guys are racist too".

    Yeah, that'll work. Way to win the independents

  • Well if the other guys would have said that thing, but in the opposite way…and with the opposite meaning…of their meaning…then there would have been hell to pay…or not!
    I can tell you that!

    • tessiee

      Are you talking about…
      *you* know…
      That thing with the things??

    • Romney was for it before he was against it. McCain was against it before he was for it. They hate each other but they vote for each other.

  • Goonemeritus

    Thank God the right never channels their rage or plays the victim card. This is even more impressive when you consider all the structural impediments to success that middle aged white men have had to endure.

    • This is so true! You people don't understand! Miss just ONE putt in a friendly round and you can be put in a non-corner office! And lose one of your secretaries!

      OMG! My parking space! I miss her. I miss sliding my big thick Lexus between her milky white….wait, sorry…I'm having a moment here…

      • FraAnima

        I can fap to that, Thurston.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      It's the soft bigotry of institutional advantage that all rich white men must somehow overcome.

    • tessiee

      "all the structural impediments to success that middle aged white men have had to endure"

      And not just *any* middle aged white man — like not the guy who works in Sears — extremely wealthy, Christian, middle aged white men. I've studied history (at least as much as Newt has), and of all the injustices of history combined, this is one billion times worse.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Is our country ready for a fat albino amphibian as president? Nope!

    • sezme

      Taft libel!

  • Fukui-sanYesRadio

    what is with our gratuitous name-calling of Piers Morgan, anyway?

    I'm glad he gives Americans the same visceral reaction he's always given the Brits. I remember him as the editor of a shitty muckracking tabloid. He's always been a complete dick and I'm stunned that he managed to fool anyone into giving him Larry King's old show.

    Anyway, time for a traditional British joke (apologies if you saw it last time I posted it)

    What's the definition of countryside? Killing Piers Morgan.

    • RedneckMuslin

      I thought countryside was what Dubya atttempted with Merika.

      • Guppy

        I do believe he doesn't mean "country" per se, but one of those Naughty Words that makes Baby Editrix cry.

    • MoeDeLawn

      Well, it was Larry King. I mean filling that slot? It was hard to dredge deep enough to find someone of equal talent.

    • C_R_Eature

      Now, that's funny.

    • not that Dewey

      We're not made of stone.

      • user-of-owls

        You've got mail.

        • not that Dewey

          Got it! Thanks.

          • radio-of-owls

            Contact established.

  • Tundra Grifter

    It always comes back to "Imagine."

    "Imagine if…" and then the right wing nutz can go off anywhere, because they have slipped the surly bonds of earth.

    To justify terrible behavior, the conservatives use Imagine more than John Lennon.

    • Negropolis

      Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try…

    • To justify terrible behavior

      Hermanator's "Imagine There's No Pizza" being among the worst offenders of 'em all~

    • SorosBot

      What really pisses me off is how many covers of that great song either dump or rewrite the "and no religion, too" line – I'm looking at you, American Idol contestants. If you can't agree with the song's message, than don't sing it. Also we would be much better off without that religion shit.

  • You should know your Presidential campaign is over when all you can talk about is a joke Bobby DeNiro made…

  • No, but I heard he tried to cop a feel in the rotunda.

  • chascates

    Newt was acting under the political 'Stand Your Ground' law.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Which is in direct conflict with the First Law of Holes.

  • Negropolis

    Newt's sugardaddy doesn't know how to quit him, huh?

  • freakishlywrong

    Why even have any of these assholes on? They've become caricatures. I can tell you what every one of them is going to say to any question asked of them. Where's my fucking time machine?

    • tessiee

      If I had a time machine, I wouldn't bother with that. I'd buy a shitload of stock in certain companies (World Series bets are really a guy thing) and copyright "Stairway to Heaven".

  • Steverino247

    Only Frost could interview Nixon.

  • smashedinhat

    I'd hate to have to follow either one of them into a restroom.

  • Jim, I ask you to reconsider using the words "Newt" in a sentence with "sucking + [direct object]" next time. Foisting upon readers the image of him sucking anything is, as my mom would say: so unnecessary. Please keep it intransitive in the future: "HE SUCKS" — period! Oh and can keep the pejorative. Third person pejorative, in the case of Newt, can be justified no matter when nor where.

  • Sue4466

    When Ann "Most Horrible Person Ever" Coulter is telling you to dial it back with the fake outrage, you've probably gone way past the line of reason . . .

    • Since I can't read teh twitterz from here at work — could you outline basically what Coulter tweeted? I'd probably be better off not knowing, actually, but the fact it's blocked here makes me want to know all the more.

      • Negropolis

        Can we please stop the fake "offended" routine? Pls explain what was allegedly offensive about DeNiro's joke. – @AnnCoulter

        I shit you not.

        • Texan_Bulldog

          Uh oh. Pretty soon the Fox chryon is going to say 'Ann Coulter–Liberal Commentator'.

        • Much obliged.
          Now if only she'd turn the same keen adjustment on her own guano faucet filter.

        • Stevola

          Ann owns fake offended.

        • Sue4466

          I think her account was hacked?

  • LiveToServeYa

    Pointless to even try to explain. The Outrage! beast must be fed, no matter on what lowly foodstuffs.

  • x111e7thst

    When can we go back to talking about important things, like how Obama's long form birth certificate made the price of gas go up?

    • Sue4466

      Nice try. You mean his FAKE long form birth certificate made the price of gas go up.

  • Ironic humor (except the nutshot or poo which transcends all political boundaries) is a difficult concept.

  • HippieEsq

    WARNING: There is no funny here….

    ….but does anyone else think Piers Morgan is the greatest soccer/football commentator the US has ever had? (TV) Death to Alexi Lalas!

  • James Michael Curley

    Newt is like the old lady at the opera who farts.
    We should pretend it didn't happen and hope it won't happen again.

  • I'd say more but I keep waiting for the avalanche of nonstop wonkette headlines to drop any moment now. Yesterday felt like trying to outrun a bandito wielding a pellet gun, riding a shetland pony with legs slightly shorter than mine. Galloping to a stop to load & fire another story, then picking up reins and galloping again.
    It sounds better if you'd been in my head while I was fever-dreaming last night.

    • freakishlywrong

      Run, run Mumblety, the next post is up!

  • Newt knows it was a perfectly acceptable joke, but he's playing to the gooper base.

    You know, morons.

  • Toomush_Infer

    I don't know….I kind of enjoyed the way Newt, having taken that disgusting dump on tv, sat back and grinned while Piers commented on it… Face reading: I know it's a big pile, but it's fun seeing you try to sort through it with a small stick…..

  • mavenmaven

    Apparently Newt also uses Fox news talking points. Bill Maher, Bill Maher, Bill Maher. So at the GOP convention, when they give the nomination to Sarah Palin, can we ask Bill Maher if the USA is ready for a First Lady without a c**t?

  • elgin_pelican

    I know we're not ready for the Monochromatic Couple in the White House.

  • SpiderCrab

    The important thing to remember about Gingrich is that he reads Wonkette, and when he gets called an asshole here he pretty much agrees.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Apropos of freakishlywrong's comment, is our country really ready for a Botoxed, helmet-haired, hatchet-faced, bobble-headed First Lady?

    Wait. What?

    • Even she knows she looks ridiculous.

  • anniegetyerfun

    My extended family in London called yesterday to see if they could get an American perspective on the "furor" over DeNiro's joke. "Oi, what was racist about that?" was the general gist of the question. I responded by weeping quietly and asking if I could come stay with them for the next few years.

  • anniegetyerfun

    It's also really upsetting to me that Ann Coulter realizes that it wasn't racist.

    • Gleem McShineys

      My cynical side thinks they can display reason and common sense, when it suits their goals — which would be to cut this extended primary off, before more damage is done to the candidates, and FOX-unite the Republican hivemind behind Mitt.

      My other side, which is even more cynical, says she is such a famewhore that picking a fight with Newt is more important to her than obeying the Reagan Commandment ("Thou shalt not speak ill of another Republican")

  • BarackMyWorld

    This is the same group that thinks Limbaugh is an "entertainer" so of course they don't know what a joke is.

  • The only thing I am unhappy with Robert DeNero about is he never should have apologized. He should have told the GOPTeabaggers to kiss his ass.

  • tessiee

    It can't be a complete coincidence that every mean person I've ever met has *absolutely no sense of humor*, can it?

    • Advn2rgirl

      Could be why they're mean.

  • Newt sez: "I'm always ready to stand toe to toe with the left"

    With that belly he couldn't stand toe to toe with Bozo the Clown.

  • user-of-owls

    The guy in that animated gif? Worst attempt at doing The Mashed Potato ever! My advice is to stick to one of the other Sixteen Dances, like maybe The Aqua Velva. Or even The Shy Tuna

    Anything but the potato, for chrissake.

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