IS IT STILL AWARDS SEASON?  4:01 pm March 22, 2012

And The Most Nepotistic Member of Congress Award Goes To…

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Is that Paul Ryan in the orange sweater?

A chilling new report from Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington shows that this member of Congress’s campaign committee and PAC paid out a total of $304,599 in salaries and $48,742 for services during the 2008 and 2010 election cycles to his daughter, daughter’s mother-in-law, brother, grandson, granddaughter [*PAUSES FOR BREATH*] another granddaughter and a grandson-in-law, making this Representative the most nepotistic member of Congress by volume of family members on the campaign dole. And that’s only from 2008 and 2010! Who is it!? Don’t forget to scribble down your guesses on the back of your unemployment check stubs!

Hooray, and the Oscar goes to Doctor Congressman Ron Paul. Now we know why Ron Paul is always running for president: So that his family members always have jobs, what a guy. But Ron Paul is far from alone — in fact, his entry takes up only four out of three hundred and forty-three pages of this campaign expenditure report. Congress seems to be much better at job creation than they are letting on! Here are some more shining examples:

Top five representatives paying the most money in salaries or fees to family members:
• Rep. Alcee Hastings, (D-FL) paid his girlfriend $622,574.
• Rep. Jerry Lewis (R-CA) paid his wife $512,293.
• Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA) paid her daughter and grandson a combined $495,650.
• Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) paid six different relatives a combined $304,599.
• Rep. Buck McKeon (R-CA) paid his wife $238,438.
• In total, representatives paid $5,575,090 in salaries or fees directly to family members.

In sum, everyone have sex with Alcee Hastings. Recession: solved. [CREW]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 302 comments }

nounverb911 March 22, 2012 at 4:05 pm

So is Paul still getting paid to be a congressmoron while he is campaigning for another job?

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Sure.

I mean, it's not like Congress works or anything…

Jukesgrrl March 22, 2012 at 4:37 pm

His constituents are still getting more for their money than Michele Bachmann's are.

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Really? I thought Paul, likp Bachmann, had only managed to get a single piece of legislation passed during his entire career. Please let me know if I'm wrong, my InterToobz connection is *horrendously* slow, and half the time Firefox tells me it can't find GOOGLE (WTFOMGWTF??!).

Fare la Volpe March 22, 2012 at 8:17 pm

I've literally had Google searches that returned "We could not find Google.com. Would you like to search again?"

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 8:27 pm

AHAHAHAHA!! In the US? Oh god that's rich.

Damn I miss you, gorgeous. Hope the Ann Arbor thing is moving smoovely. (Hugs the foxy little one) Now remember NOT to let ANYONE tie you up till you give your roommate their address and DL details!

starfanglednut March 22, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Poor Z, disconnected from the umbilical cord. Come home soon, babycakes.

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 8:47 pm

(Hugs teh nut most fondly) Soon as my mission is accomplished, sweetie, I'm so on that plane.

I love my sister, and duty is duty, but damn I so miss home! Mostly, I miss my superfast InterToobz connection that allowed me to Wonketz alla time. Here, half the time when I can even GET TO Wonkette, the commenting system won't let me in. And responding to comments is iffy, at best. I get "timed out," and my responses don't show up. Hell, even other people's COMMENTS don't show up. (Whine, whine, whinge)

Jukesgrrl March 23, 2012 at 1:00 am

Well, Rep. Paul put out those excellent racist newsletters that he now can't seem to remember.That's an accomplishment.

Terry March 22, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Truth be told, he didn't do much when he WAS in the office. His one useful piece of legislation in all his years in Congress was to sell off an old courthouse in Galveston.

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 7:18 pm

THIS is why I need to read ALL teh replies! Pls 2 forgib! Teh connexion it is SLOW!

glamourdammerung March 22, 2012 at 10:55 pm

So is Paul still getting paid to be a congressmoron while he is campaigning for another job?

Yes, and he double bills the first class airfare to Congress and his campaign.

Lucidamente1 March 22, 2012 at 4:05 pm

The chair recognizes Mr. Lewis of California:

Hey, Laaaady, I got a bunch of cash for you right here.

Tundra Grifter March 22, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Nutty Professor!

nounverb911 March 22, 2012 at 4:07 pm

But they love him in France.

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Wah wah wah wah nice laaaydeee …

Fare la Volpe March 22, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I knew there was something fishy about those "family" cookbooks.

EloquentScience March 22, 2012 at 4:40 pm

The cover looks like Ron is serving his wife on a platter. That's what he meant when he said he wants to serve mankind.

HogeyeGrex March 22, 2012 at 5:20 pm

"It's a cookbook!!!!"

flamingpdog March 22, 2012 at 6:43 pm

One penny short of 10 Ameros for 28 pages of recipes? For that we ought at least get a doobie's worth of MJ for the brownies recipe.

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 7:20 pm

You need to come to this country. Can't find NOTHING for less than 10 Ameros.

Geminisunmars March 22, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Hurry, hurry, and get your signed copy for only $59.99!

FROTHY March 23, 2012 at 12:34 am

How come you never make ME none of those offers?

Oh, you meant "cookbook." Never mind.

Geminisunmars March 23, 2012 at 10:54 am

Besides, for you, I'd make a special deal.

C_R_Eature March 22, 2012 at 7:54 pm

"Hi, there, Representative Paul! I have A Modest Proposal for a Cookbook!"

FROTHY March 23, 2012 at 12:34 am

Don't think I didn't see what you did there.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 23, 2012 at 3:58 am

Not too Swift today?

C_R_Eature March 23, 2012 at 6:27 am

Bit of a pain in the old Gulliver, my Droogies.

MissTaken March 22, 2012 at 4:06 pm

So *this* is what small government looks like!

Barrelhse March 22, 2012 at 5:12 pm

The smaller the family the smaller the government, I guess.

AbandonHope March 22, 2012 at 7:04 pm

It's funny — when he said he wanted big changes in our government, I didn't realize he meant he wanted to change it to a monarchy.

Baconzgood March 22, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Just think of the Rent Boy expenditures….

TanzbodenKoenig March 22, 2012 at 6:37 pm

They just pay that in meth and shame

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Well … if tey kept it in teh fambly …

nounverb911 March 22, 2012 at 4:06 pm

How does Paul get away with it? I always had to take a vacation day to interview for a new job.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Really? You never had a sick cat?

nounverb911 March 22, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I used to travel 200+ days a year, I'd have a very dead cat.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Well, *mostly* dead, true.

anniegetyerfun March 22, 2012 at 4:29 pm

There's a big difference between mostly dead, and all dead.

Biff March 22, 2012 at 4:52 pm

That's about the average amount of time a cat sleeps during the year anyway, so you might've been OK.

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 5:25 pm

ZOMBIE CAT WANTS TO EAT YOUR BRAAAIIIIINNNNSSSSSS!

flamingpdog March 22, 2012 at 5:59 pm

All you have to do is put out a 55-gallon drum full of dry cat food and a bucket of water in the kitchen and the cat will be fine. It might look like Newt Gingrich by the time you get home, but, hey, it's not like the cat would have actually missed you.

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 7:21 pm

We need to talk (fondles ash wood bat), ya li'l rodent.

user-of-owls March 22, 2012 at 7:24 pm

That's because cats actually have self-respect, unlike those filthy, slobbering poop-machines that make the ludicrous claim that they are "Man's best friend."

That's only true if you define "best friend" as "someone who behaves as a perverse mix of Glenn Close's bunny-boiler and Sally Fucking Field at the Oscars."

Gunner Asch March 22, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Aw, c'mon. They need us, they just have trouble saying so sometimes. I've had a couple who would let out a "where is everybody?" yowl and come running into the room for some lovin' when a person called back.

Biff March 22, 2012 at 4:51 pm

To be fair to Dr. Congressman Ron Paul, I think Bob Dole is the only candidate that quit his job before campaigning for the next one.

user-of-owls March 22, 2012 at 7:12 pm

**cough, Crazy Eyes, cough, cough**

Barb March 22, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Seriously, my brother ran for congress in Memphis' 13th district. All I got was a lousy bumper sticker.

prommie March 22, 2012 at 4:17 pm

You have to get a committee chairmanship, or develop a niche issue, to get serious donation money into your PAC (Bribes). Note that its the PACs that are paying these moneys to the relatives. In Ron Paul's case, of course, he has figured out a way to get half the cranks and dingbats in america to think he is a God. He should quit politics while he still has time to go the L Ron Hubbard route, he'd make more money.

Barb March 22, 2012 at 4:25 pm

The good news is Ron Paul won't be hosting and family reunions at the White House. He'll just have to take them to the Waffle House.

Toomush_Infer March 22, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I thought waffling was Mitt's forte….

starfanglednut March 22, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Mmmmm, waffles.

BerkeleyBear March 22, 2012 at 10:05 pm

In honor of his southern pandering, he's switched to chicken and waffles. Which would pretty much sum up his policy stances.

Gunner Asch March 22, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Doesn't sound too safe to me. Isn't that where they hand out the post-it notes for who dies today?

C_R_Eature March 22, 2012 at 11:28 pm

That would be Der Waffle Haus!

It's perfectly safe. As long as you're already Dead.

DahBoner March 23, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Ron Paul's PAC is 100% financed via Moonshine sales…

Jukesgrrl March 22, 2012 at 4:40 pm

You got a bumper sticker for free? It didn't cost you anything? Every time someone I know runs for office, they want ME to write them a check. For the troops. Or something.

Barb March 22, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Oh boy, it was the 9th district, lol. I just found this on the intertubes: http://www.flickr.com/photos/chriscasey/88469967/

flamingpdog March 22, 2012 at 6:35 pm

HA, your brother has two first names, just like Ron Paul! Well, except, not two first names for him, unless, you know …

Jeanette is my ex's first name, except that her's has two "n"s because her mother didn't know how to spell Jeanette.

dubyatf March 22, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Forgive my saying so, Barb, but your bro? Looks like a total square.

Actually, when I saw his picture on that Flick'r page my first thought was "Wow, he really resembles Screwy!" Not Gingrich, THIS guy:
http://www.behindthevoiceactors.com/characters/Ro

Any relation?
Screwy's from the planet Polie which OMG YOU GUYS makes perfect sense. How else to explain "Barb"s other-worldly command of the snark?
Hopefully you're just toying with us and cruelly making us love you before you and your fellow travelers turn this craptastic little planet upside down, shake it, and start fresh.

Barb March 22, 2012 at 8:09 pm

My brother IS a total square! Looks exactly like Al Gore, his hero and acts like him too.

TanzbodenKoenig March 22, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Is your brother Prince Mongo? Also, Memphis is a shitty place to get into politics; one of the many reasons I moved to the opposite end of the state. That, the oppressive heat and the crow-sized mosquitos

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 7:27 pm

(Quietly scratches another place off possible list of vacation destinations)

Yaknow, I suspect TN ain't gonna get a whole lot more tourism anywho, anaconda the new Scopes Monkey Law they'all just passed.

Barb March 22, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Tanz, he lives in Hawaii now.

dubyatf March 22, 2012 at 8:32 pm

What? How'd he pull that off? Wait a minute! Did he sleep with Alcee Hastings?

Barb March 22, 2012 at 8:56 pm

I dunno, what did Alcee Hastings do to get that punishment.

flamingpdog March 22, 2012 at 10:40 pm

I take it then that he has no Presidential aspirations.

Barb March 22, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Flaming, all he talk about is being POTUS, seriously. He ripped me a new one for voting for Obama.

FlownOver March 22, 2012 at 4:07 pm

The family that grifts together…

nounverb911 March 22, 2012 at 4:08 pm

The Palin's led by example.

x111e7thst March 22, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I believe Newt paid in whore diamonds even when he was in Congress. It's the ethical thing to do.

nounverb911 March 22, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I thought Callista was paying Newt.

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 7:28 pm

I believe Newt ^^WAS^^ paid in whore diamonds even when he was in Congress. It's the ethical thing to do.

FIFY, NNTT

Tundra Grifter March 22, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Is this the same Ron Paul who said Secret Service protection was a form of welfare?

Guess he's got his family to look after him – and for him to look after!

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 5:27 pm

The same Ron Paul who's minions proclaim to the world that he is a Washington Outsider.

horsedreamer_1 March 22, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Jackie Harvey Libel!!!

Loaded_Pants March 22, 2012 at 7:03 pm

I always considered Paul to be a fraud when it came to his libertarian/small government/no welfare bull. But his cult eats that shit up.

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 7:33 pm

To be fair, his followers appear to have some serious issues around logic, rational thought, THOUGHT, and mental health. War and pot seem to be their issues. Everything else, meh.

starfanglednut March 22, 2012 at 8:42 pm

He's gonna legalize WEED, bro!

hagajim March 22, 2012 at 4:08 pm

So Dr. Paul is concerned about federal spending on things like Medicare and Medicaid….he should be, those are taking monies from his families pockets. I propose a new law….Congressjerks cannot have close family or main squeezes working for them….what a crock of shit!

BerkeleyBear March 22, 2012 at 10:11 pm

When my wife worked for the state in Illinois, it was widely known that at a certain level you could get your spouse employed. But to pass the smell test they had to actually be minimally qualified for the job and not be in your department. I never took the opportunity because it would make her beholden to certain people we didn't want controlling our lives.

This would have been much easier.

flamingpdog March 22, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Not nearly as much now, but when I started working for the state, nepotism prospered in my Agency. One day I walked past a small room with a microwave oven in it with a sign that said, "Clean up after using this – your mother doesn't work here". It was all I could humanly do to keep on walking and not go back and write on the sign, "If you're an employee, your mother probably does work here."

MissTaken March 22, 2012 at 4:09 pm

I'm sure all of these wives/girlfriends/daughters/etc are the most-est qualified candidates for each of these jobs. Oh yeah.

Fare la Volpe March 22, 2012 at 4:14 pm

They're qualified for one job in particular.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Taking a gubmint salary?

Fare la Volpe March 22, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Bada bing!

SorosBot March 22, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Considering that a lot of the beneficiaries are children or grandchildren, what you;re implying is just – ick. Guess these are Southerners we're talking about.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Kentucky, no less.

They gots all kindsa time in Kintucky…

Fare la Volpe March 22, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Your girlfriend was referring mostly to wives and girlfriends.

Daughters? Well…when in Rome, fuck your kids or something.

AbandonHope March 22, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Oh man, I may have to start spouting off that catchphrase at random.

flamingpdog March 22, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Family members are usually the most-est qualified for keeping campaign secrets secret. Just sayin'.

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Can you think of anyone ELSE who would want to fuck/be related to these assholes? NO? Well, then.

FlownOver March 22, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Those blimps don't float themselves, y'know.

Oh? Hmmm… I did not know that.

starfanglednut March 22, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Upfist!

Steverino247 March 22, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Somebody tell the Paultards how much of their money is going to relatives of "Dr. Paul" and see how fast it takes their heads to explode.

AUDIT THE PAUL CAMPAIGN!

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 7:35 pm

It's a PLOT!! A CONSPIRACY to bring down the ONLY honest man EVAH to run for office! Lies, spread by librulz h8mungerz!

I mean, hey, remember how they reacted when all his Nazi/White Power/racist ties came up?

dubyatf March 22, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Apples and oranges. Nazi/white power/racist ties are the party planks.

Aaaaaand, I just lost everything I spent the last 20 minutes composing. I am now too pissed off and whiney to recreate it. Please-don't cry for me. After I calm down (by drinking many alcoholic beverages) I'll attempt to recreate it.

#%*^~!! (code for "Argh!")

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 8:25 pm

You need one of these too, sweetpea. (Hugs teh dubyatf)

Have you noticed how it's only ever when you write something BRILLIANT that your computer EATS it? It lets all your stupid, mistaken, incorrect comments out, no probz. Just the smart ones. Damn machines. It's a CONSPIRACY!

dubyatf March 22, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Frothy, that virtual hug was better than an oatmeal cookie.*

*Oatmeal cookie:
Equal parts Jaeger, butterscotch schnapps, Baileys

Better than anything that comes out of yer oven, fo SHO.

lulzmonger March 22, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Sympathy … it's also a bitch when you copy a big gob of text, then copy something like a web address, forgetting that browsers' clipboards only hold one item at a time.

I highly recommend using this little beauty … it's saved me much cursing since I got it: set it to run at startup & it'll save as much of your precious cuntpaste as you want, for as long as you want.

FROTHY March 23, 2012 at 12:45 am

Um … I think you meant cutnpaste, not cuntpaste, sweetie. Although if it saves CUNTpaste, I sure plan to be using it A LOT.

flamingpdog March 22, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Hey, a man's gotta keep his family Fed.

Steverino247 March 23, 2012 at 9:29 am

Ron Paul is Jed Clampett?

OneYieldRegular March 22, 2012 at 4:10 pm

That's not congressional transcendence.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Ron Paul doesn't believe in small government so much as he believes in large family

Jukesgrrl March 22, 2012 at 4:43 pm

No birth control. Even though HE could write the scripts for them.

Inchhigh March 22, 2012 at 6:03 pm

…and largess for the family

MarionNYNY March 22, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I guess that'll sink Ron Paul's chances for the nomination.

Inchhigh March 22, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Sad, and he was so close.

Exhausted66 March 22, 2012 at 4:15 pm

To be fair, Buck McKeon – from my district – is Mormon. That money might be spread over several wives.

Biff March 22, 2012 at 5:07 pm

He was mine, before I escaped to NV. Now I plan on returning, as soon as I can swing it. He's pretty dreadful, but he speaks to the mouth-breathers in the far reaches.

Mahousu March 22, 2012 at 4:15 pm

True fact: Alcee Hastings is the poorest member of Congress, mostly because he still owes millions of dollars from his impeachment as a judge. Fortunately, he has a rich girlfriend.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 22, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Well, he does NOW….

SexySmurf March 22, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I'm more interested in the most nymphomatic member of Congress.

nounverb911 March 22, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Lindsey Graham?

Fare la Volpe March 22, 2012 at 4:19 pm

The list is very similar.

4TheTurnstiles March 22, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Virginia Fox… always hungry for the Hitachi Magic Wand

FlownOver March 22, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Or, in a pinch, the transvaginal ultrasound

elviouslyqueer March 22, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Sybian or GTFO.

Limeylizzie March 22, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Eww, God Almighty, she looks like a startled possum.

Angry_Marmot March 22, 2012 at 9:38 pm

You know what they say down Virgina Foxx way…

Negropolis March 22, 2012 at 10:10 pm

ROTFLMAO!

That is perfect.

BarackMyWorld March 22, 2012 at 4:29 pm

I think there's been enough articles about David Vitter.

Beowoof March 22, 2012 at 5:43 pm

If isn't Kirsten Gillibrand why be interested?

Toomush_Infer March 22, 2012 at 4:16 pm

You know what they say: keep your friends close, and your family closer…

Fare la Volpe March 22, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Giggity.

YasserArraFeck March 22, 2012 at 6:23 pm

You never know when you're gonna need to touch them up for a loan.

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 7:38 pm

I suspect for our Congresswhores, it's more like FEEL 'em up … ew, barf.

Fare la Volpe March 22, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Jerry Lewis is corrupt? Do the French know!?!

RadioStalingrad March 22, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Momma Schoenkopf, however, assures us that she is not a paid Wonkette operative.

Mumbletypeg March 22, 2012 at 4:21 pm

As if any of 'em ever were! But, yeah.

RadioStalingrad March 22, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Those t-shirts were awesome though. Looks great on Mrs. Radio.

poorgradstudent March 22, 2012 at 4:19 pm

To be fair I think it's not so much that Ron Paul is a shameless hypocrite but that he understands his own principles and their implications about as well as his followers do.

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 5:31 pm

A true Ayn Rand disciple.

elviouslyqueer March 22, 2012 at 4:20 pm

For half a million dollars, I will be more than happy to give Paul Ryan the best blowjob of his life. But he only gets one. And bitch better not call me again.

Jus_Wonderin March 22, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I'd give him a HJ for 250,000. I mean, that's cheap considering.

elviouslyqueer March 22, 2012 at 5:16 pm

$250K would certainly buy you enough hand sanitizer, lord knows. I've earmarked my ill-gotten gains for dental dams, mouthwash, and a metric ton of chewing gum.

HogeyeGrex March 22, 2012 at 5:39 pm

… no thanks, bartender. If the first four shots didn't get rid of the taste, nothing will.

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 7:39 pm

YES, that joke IS in my awful collection, and I LERVE it. (You can tell it at any gay bar and probably half the people in there will chime in on the punch line.)

vtxmcrider March 23, 2012 at 12:17 am

Now to check whether you have any real standards … how much to suck off Joe Walsh? Or Mitch McConnell? Mitch's dick looks like a turtle, too, uncut.

FROTHY March 23, 2012 at 12:48 am

As long as it doesn't look like his *face,* I can handle it. (So to speak.)

elviouslyqueer March 23, 2012 at 11:06 am

Oh please. You're assuming that I'd be able to pry away Kyle Simmons from McConnell's crotch long enough for me to exercise my due diligence. And as far as Joe Walsh, he'd have to pony up some big bucks (sorry kids, no child support for you!). Plus, his marvelous hair would be excellent for grabbing, since he'd be doing all the work.

SorosBot March 22, 2012 at 4:23 pm

And here I thought Mr. Paul would let leave his family to the whims of the Free Market, like he wants to force the rest of us to do.

Fare la Volpe March 22, 2012 at 4:29 pm

His family earned it…by being born related to him.

Callyson March 22, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Rep. Buck McKeon (R-CA) paid his wife $238,438
Have you seen this guy? The wife should raise her rate IMO: http://mckeon.house.gov/

terriblyfamous March 22, 2012 at 4:58 pm

I like the little mini-McKeon that pops out and starts yammering away about representative governments or something when you visit that link.

Dr. Nick Riviera March 22, 2012 at 8:45 pm

He looks lonely. We should introduce him to that equally pathetic Michael Steele gif Wonkette used to have lying around.

Pat_Pending March 23, 2012 at 1:00 pm

He scared me!

starfanglednut March 22, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Gah!

dubyatf March 22, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Hey, ya know how sometimes you taste something new and after you gag and spit it out you're all "Dude,that tastes like cat litter/the stockyards/taint smells?"
McKeon *looks* like he *sounds* exactly like Chris Farley does when he giggles in that Gap Girl sketch.
Tell me I'm wrong. A lot of good it will do.

ifthethunderdontgetya March 22, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Whores 'R Us.

American Exceptionalism in action, people.
~

JustPixelz March 22, 2012 at 4:25 pm

No wonder he loves the Constitution. It has given him so much.

Callyson March 22, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Rep. Jerry Lewis (R-CA) paid his wife $512,293
This wife needs to up her rate as well: http://jerrylewis.house.gov/
At least I won't need to take a masturbation break today…

BornInATrailer March 22, 2012 at 5:00 pm

He looks like the offspring of Martin Landau and Xur from The Last Starfighter.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I thought Peter Graves was dead?

Oh wait. Maybe he came back. That would explain how he got so ugly.

Dudleydidwrong March 22, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Why do all of these congresscritters look as if some ugly hairy creature has taken up residence on top of their butt-ugly heads? Are they renting space to some animals from the National Zoo so that the government can save money?

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 7:42 pm

(ROTFLMFAO) Dood. There are not enough upfists.

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 7:41 pm

At least I won't need WANT to take a masturbation break today…

And if you keep his picture by your bedside, I guarantee you will NEVAH AGEN be plagued by the SIN of masturbation.

dubyatf March 22, 2012 at 11:08 pm

You guys take masturbation breaks? Nice gig. We only got coffee or smoke breaks at my old job.

FROTHY March 23, 2012 at 12:50 am

You know how you go to the terlet sometimes and there's someone in a neighbouring stall and they're just *awful* quiet except for the occasional *breathing*?

Oh, wait, you're a gurl, and teh laydeez don't do that stuff so much, or not at work, anyway.

DahBoner March 23, 2012 at 12:38 pm

We don't have time for masturbation breaks at work.

We have to keep working and just think of England…

SayItWithWookies March 22, 2012 at 4:29 pm

You know you're asking too much of government when it should be small enough to drown in a bathtub yet still have a teat for every single member of your family. Also, mealtimes would be awkward.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 5:17 pm

I think his family requires a hot tub. Just sayin'

mormos March 22, 2012 at 4:31 pm

"does he look like a bitch?"
favorite guess who question to ask.

user-of-owls March 22, 2012 at 4:32 pm

In July 2000, I happened to be in Mexico for the historic election that swept aside the PRI and swept in, like a welcomed (?) dust bunny, the PAN. Got to discussing with a Mexican colleague how odd it seemed to me that the incoming arch-conservative Vicente Fox was being backed by the Partido Verde. She told me that there was nothing odd about it at all, noting that the 'Green' Party was, "un empresa familiar, a 'family business.'

Funny, I don't remember a specific 'Nepotism Clause' in NAFTA. Hold on, let me give El Sup a call.

SexySmurf March 22, 2012 at 4:33 pm

O/T Oh look, the Duggars, stars of the TLC show Fucking For Jesus, released a new video endorsing–wait for it–Senator Frothy Mix for Preznit.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 4:35 pm

If it's not going to end with The Aristocrats, I'm not clicking thru.

Fare la Volpe March 22, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Sex-Crazed Right-Wing Cultists Endorse Sex-Crazed Right-Wing Cultist:

Details at eleven

Jukesgrrl March 22, 2012 at 4:48 pm

They've only been on TV for years now. So they finally figured out a more efficient way to reach their people than door-to-door communication? I guess driving around in that van was getting pretty smelly with HOW MANY kids in diapers at once??

SorosBot March 22, 2012 at 4:52 pm

It fits, since Rick wants to force every family to be like theirs.

elviouslyqueer March 22, 2012 at 4:59 pm

If by "to be like theirs" you mean "publicity whores who keep having children so they can sponge off other people's sympathy and charity, all the while engaging in so many harmful pregnancies that their children aren't meeting several significant developmental milestones," then yes. And G*d help us all, everyone.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 22, 2012 at 6:18 pm

19 lids! I thought I saw an overworked uterus in the background of one of those shots.

C_R_Eature March 22, 2012 at 7:31 pm
Monsieur_Grumpe March 22, 2012 at 7:48 pm

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! etc.

C_R_Eature March 22, 2012 at 7:57 pm

I understand that it gets a lot bigger when it's full.

flamingpdog March 22, 2012 at 10:55 pm

If only Barb could have donated hers to Mrs. Baby-Pooper.

starfanglednut March 22, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Who the hell are the Duggars?

Biel_ze_Bubba March 23, 2012 at 5:47 am

I get the impression they're a bunch of reality-teevee grifters who make the Palin clan look classy. (I don't even own a teevee, but there's so much crap on it these days that every other medium is contaminated.)

C_R_Eature March 23, 2012 at 7:28 am

It's worse than that. They're part of the Evangelical Christian "Quiverfull" movement, one of whos goals is to Mass-Produce as many Soldiers for Christ as possible. Fine in theory, assuming all those children will stay Faithful, Or Sane. Or Alive.

I don't have any problem with people believing anything they want or living in any silly-assed manner they choose. I do take issue with the TLC channel allowing these people to make a public spectacle out of themselves, turn their huge family into a money-sucking machine and assisting them in promoting their radical Dominionist Cult.

Negropolis March 23, 2012 at 8:26 am

I actually do kind of have a problem with this for two main reasons. Sometimes, these families have more children than they can actually support. Also, I've seen families like this where they basically partner up the older children with younger children, and the older children basically become the parents of their (buddy). I don't believe in children forced by their parents to basically become surrogate parents. I've actually seen this in my extended family with families with far fewer children. It's not fair to the older children.

Negropolis March 22, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Arkansas. Bless their hearts.

Antispandex March 22, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Three out of five for the party of small government. I'm shocked, SHOCKED, to find that there is nepotism in the GOP! But, then again, who else would act as a parrot for a Teapublican?

FakaktaSouth March 22, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Why is it always this way? I swear I wish I hated something so that I could find my true hypocritical calling. I don't know what in the hell to do that is the opposite of who I am besides becoming a Republican. Then I can haz gov'ment PAC too?

pinkocommi March 22, 2012 at 4:40 pm

"this member of Congress’s campaign committee and PAC paid out a total of $304,599 in salaries and $48,742 for services during the 2008 and 2010 election cycles to his daughter, daughter’s mother-in-law, brother, grandson, granddaughter [*PAUSES FOR BREATH*] another granddaughter and a grandson-in-law"

If that's the "Free Market," no wonder Ron Paul loves it so much.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 23, 2012 at 5:49 am

He gets money for free, and his family spends it at the market. What's not to like?

Eve8Apples March 22, 2012 at 4:43 pm

A member of Congress paying a spouse for "services?" hmmmm, wouldn't that make the spouse kind of a…. Oh, what's the word I'm looking for? I just had the word, damn it. Hey, Rush, what do you call someone who gets paid by the government to perform services for their spouse?

Rush: "It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex."

ManchuCandidate March 22, 2012 at 5:30 pm

That's a lot of whore diamonds.

smashedinhat March 22, 2012 at 4:44 pm

And THAT'S how you get the dishes done folks! Teenagers be damned.

PubOption March 22, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Judging by the other figures quoted, Ron Paul is seriously underpaying his relatives.

IceCreamEmpress March 22, 2012 at 5:23 pm

They're related to Ron Paul, so I'm sure we're not talking about future Nobelists here.

YasserArraFeck March 22, 2012 at 6:28 pm

You pay the family you have, not the family you wish you had.

dadanarchist March 22, 2012 at 6:02 pm

is seriously underpaying his relatives.

Duh – Libertarians. You pay what the market allows. Apparently, there is a labor surplus of Paul relatives which drives down wages for all the other Paul relatives. Clearly, if the Pauls want higher wages from Ron Paul, they need to build a border fence.

SayItWithWookies March 22, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I anxiously await Lynn Cheney's condemnation of this sordid and corrupt practice.

ManchuCandidate March 22, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Don't you mean "Terrorism Expert" Lynn Cheney?

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Lynn? Or Liz?

LagunaB March 22, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Lynne

LagunaB March 22, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Correction. Liz, daughter on Fox. Lynne, mother Cheney.

larrykat March 22, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I hope the bastard is using gold Ameros to pay them.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 22, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Point of order! It's not nepotism unless the money's actually going to your nephew.

doloras March 22, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Or grandson. I've always thought some deep dark secret in Roman culture lay behind the fact that the Latin word for the two is the same.

terriblyfamous March 22, 2012 at 4:59 pm

He looks like John Edwards after a forty-year sojourn in the desert.

Goonemeritus March 22, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Jokes on them, they were all paid with "fiat money"

Doktor StrangeZoom March 22, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Dang, Chrysler's lobbyists really *do* have a lot of influence….

horsedreamer_1 March 22, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Having a flashback to the first Newell era's invasion of the Paultard National Mall Jamboree.

Tundra Grifter March 22, 2012 at 5:02 pm

It's a sad, sad day when a white American male can't practice nepotism with his own family!

HippieEsq March 22, 2012 at 5:02 pm

You can have sex with Alcee Hastings, but for a real pay day may I suggest trying a K St. Lawyer instead (ahem… AHEM). Or fuck it, just do John Edwards and get ready for the golden parachute of a lifetime (aka the next Edwards baby). Good pay, bad genes.

Limeylizzie March 22, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Can I have sex with Sherrod Brown? Gratis.

C_R_Eature March 22, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Only if you don't send Rush Limbaugh the video.

user-of-owls March 22, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Because he wants to get sexed up by Sherrod too?

C_R_Eature March 22, 2012 at 11:38 pm

He does? That Slut!

Negropolis March 23, 2012 at 12:01 am

You got to get through Connie, first.

ManchuCandidate March 22, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Dr No (to anyone but family.)

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 5:29 pm

He needs all that help to battle the Gubmint Insiders and protect the Constiushun

bureaucrap March 22, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Alcee Hastings may be one of "ours", but he's still scum. It takes a pecularly blatant ability to abuse office to get impeached as a federal judge.

whiterabid March 22, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Wasn't he impeached for taking bribes?

Gainsbourg69 March 22, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Alcee is only one of ours because the democratic party in Broward county, Florida is corrupt as shit. Any time someone has attempted to primary him the machine sweeps in and blows his opponent out of the water. I should know, his district lies just west of my own.

Beowoof March 22, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I see that being a douche bag is bipartisan.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 22, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Authoritarian incest.Disgusting.

horsedreamer_1 March 22, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Can we bring RICO charges?

rocktonsam March 22, 2012 at 7:00 pm

USA!!!

Come here a minute March 22, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) paid six different relatives a combined $304,599.

Ooooh, big spender, that's like fifty grand apiece — Dr Paul is soaking his contributors to let his family members live in filthy-rich-teacher style!

Fukui-sanYesOta March 22, 2012 at 7:32 pm

First Rule with Dr Paul: NO COLLECTIVE BARGAINING RIGHTS!

owhatever March 22, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Throw the bums out.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 22, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Not to sound like a whingey mcwhingester (which of course I do), but I'd rather this not be the last post of the night. It's difficult to snark on these oinkers shuffling up to the trough.

Oh, don't mind me. I'm just cranky because I've been working since 3am and I've only just cracked my first beer.

OT, these 100-year-old colour photos of Russia are kinda fun

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Here, I think you might need one of these.

(Hugs Fukui-sanYesOta)

Fukui-sanYesOta March 22, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Thank you, kind sir. Much appreciated.

BlueStateLibel March 22, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Whadda are ya, some kind of communist, putting up pictures of communists? But I agree, and I'm sure Mitt Rmoney said SOMETHING ridiculous today that we could all laugh at.

Toomush_Infer March 22, 2012 at 8:43 pm

CRACK ANOTHER BEER!….Whew!!!…

Sharkey March 22, 2012 at 8:45 pm

There's some interesting activity at the end of the WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE post.

#wakeupnewell also too.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 22, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Oooh, that might be a trick!

#ginjaninja

C_R_Eature March 22, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Thanks for that photo link, F-sYO. Coolest thing I've seen in a long time.

Get some rest, Eh?

MosesInvests March 22, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Wow, F-sYO, thanks for posting those. Way cool.

rickmaci March 22, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Pretty clear the Paul's look upon feeding off the public purse as the family business.

Toomush_Infer March 22, 2012 at 8:44 pm

O.K., no one else will say it, no one wants to, it's up to old Eeyore here: Maxine Waters??????…

DahBoner March 23, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Insert <Neck roll> here…

Dr. Nick Riviera March 22, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Aw, I'm glad for the jolly ol' elf. It's about time he came in first at something.

C_R_Eature March 22, 2012 at 8:56 pm

OT Sky Geekery Update:

It looks very much like the Thrice Postponed NASA-Anomalous Transport Rocket Experiment (ATREX) 5 rocket salvo launch from the Wallops Flight Facility on the coast of Virgina, USA, is going to go off tonight! Coutdown's started at 8 PM EDT (-5hrs Zulu), the launch gantries are up to launch elevation and the weather should be fine. Launch window is 12 Midnight to 3 EDT (-5 Z). You can watch a livestream from the Wallops facility Here. . There's also a live feed on Ustream.

To review, these suborbital rockets will rise 65 miles to the upper jet stream, releasing plumes of aluminum oxide smoke which will burst into flame,forming large visible luminous clouds,igniting the Van Allen Belts allowing NASA scientists to track the 300 mph winds cooking the planet like a Thanksgiving Turducken in a perfectly safe and effective manner.

Enjoy, everyone!

C_R_Eature March 23, 2012 at 6:44 am

Well, dammit, another weather delay 'till Sunday. Humph!

not that Dewey March 23, 2012 at 8:31 am

Clearly an internicine turf war among Big Government Agencies. HAARP is reflexively changing the weather so that NASA can't uncover its secrets.

C_R_Eature March 23, 2012 at 8:44 am

Or the overnight staff at the HAARP array have been drinking again.

"Heh heh heh…let's dial up some winds and high altitude stratus for those fuckers now! Bwa, ha ha ha ha ha *BELCH*"

not that Dewey March 23, 2012 at 10:21 am

A colleague of mine was involved on the receiving end of a HAARP moon bounce experiment. Because they were transmitting right near the ionosphere plasma frequency, they had to do it at night, when absorption is less. As drunk as they were, they still managed to get the Alaska-NM bounce angle right. Don't mess with HAARP graveyard shift engineers.

Negropolis March 22, 2012 at 9:44 pm

To be serious for a second, I've been wanting Alcee Hastings to stand down for quite a few years, now. That he topped the list didn't surprised me in the least; he's a crook. Oh, and Maxine Waters. Too.

NYNYNYjr March 22, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Please sir, may I have some more illusory pottage?

Fukui-sanYesOta March 22, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Paul Ryan will offer you some illusory pottage for the low low price of cutting taxes for the rich and "widening the tax base" (=making poor people pay more).

user-of-owls March 22, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Back in my gloriously misspent youth, we could get an ounce of Mexican illusory pottage for, like, $40, which is pretty small beer compared to the low low astronomical price of those tax cuts.

Negropolis March 22, 2012 at 10:47 pm

BTW, how much does each congresscritter get to run his or her Washington office?

FROTHY March 23, 2012 at 12:30 am

Somewhere between $100K and $200K. Why? You planning on running?

Negropolis March 23, 2012 at 8:16 am

Sounds like a great racket, but unlike the sociopaths in Congress, I couldn't put up with the headaches.

valgal2342 March 22, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Ron Paul is not getting much bang for his buck.

flamingpdog March 22, 2012 at 11:11 pm

OT, and I apologize if this matter was brought up in one of the 13 other blog posts today, but the Square State's newest felon-in-residence is going gray.

Sharkey March 22, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Whew! For a second there I thought you said "gay".

flamingpdog March 22, 2012 at 11:40 pm

I'm pretty sure that's one of the available options at the Federal Country Club.

DerrickWildcat March 22, 2012 at 11:26 pm

There was a documentary the other day with his barber. The shocking reveal was that his hair was colored! The Barber's startling prediction was that within a month he would look like George Lucas!

flamingpdog March 22, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Dude, nobody uses the word "colored" any more.

dubyatf March 23, 2012 at 12:00 am

Really? I read where he said Blago's hair would look like Jay Leno's. NAME YOUR SOURCE, DERRICK.

FROTHY March 23, 2012 at 12:32 am

Oh, gurl. If you know *anything* about Derrick, you *know* a little bird told him.

PS: Derrick takes the most fantastic pikkies of teh birdies. Check 'em out. FANTASTIC.

DerrickWildcat March 23, 2012 at 12:43 am

Yeah!
I might post a few more tonight. I'm working tirelessly through 9,000 photos/50 Gbs. I'm a little behind on my cataloging. I haven't even had the chance to mess around with Lightroom 4.0 yet :(

DerrickWildcat March 23, 2012 at 12:36 am

You better leave me alone!

elfgoldsackring March 23, 2012 at 2:11 am

No! Anything but my beautiful hair!

DerrickWildcat March 23, 2012 at 12:37 am

They were the ones eating the pie!

LiveToServeYa March 23, 2012 at 6:57 am

Libertarians. It's all 'ultimate freedom for all' just as long as they get the lion's share of it. This is another paulturd dropped.

ttommyunger March 23, 2012 at 8:45 am

Nepotists are people, too; my friend.

NippleHair March 23, 2012 at 9:49 am

Nepotistic? More like nepoTASTIC!

elgin_pelican March 23, 2012 at 10:41 am

"Pop! I'm a dime a dozen, and so are you!"

DahBoner March 23, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Nepotism?

Isn't that where they have sex with dead people???

To be fair, it would be mighty hard to tell with Ron Paul…

gurukalehuru March 23, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Maxine Waters is technically my congressperson, even though I haven't been anywhere near the U.S. in years. I keep voting for her, partly because of the D- in front of her name, but more because of the R- in front of her opponents'. But I knew her name would be on that list. Crookeder than a dog's hind leg.

lulzmonger March 24, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Keen!

HMMMM. Speaking of Family Values … can we by any chance get a "Most Inbred Member Of Congress" report next?

HogeyeGrex March 22, 2012 at 5:21 pm

It'd take a miracle.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 23, 2012 at 4:00 am

I'm uncertain about that.

WhatTheHeck March 22, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Have fun storming the Senate.

Barb March 22, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Histori, first you would have to assume that it is true. Then you would have to assume that my name is Barbara. : )
I'll give you a scratch under the chin for being so darned cute.

dubyatf March 22, 2012 at 8:30 pm

I heard that it's hip to be square.
Plus, squares make the best husbands. Or end tables.

starfanglednut March 22, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Birds are teh besssst.

Limeylizzie March 22, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Owls, everyone loves owls…
http://news.yahoo.com/photos/orphan-baby-owls-fin

C_R_Eature March 23, 2012 at 6:37 am

It's a Pack thing. You wouldn't understand.

Also, the next time you're in a earthquake-collapsed Building, stuck in an avalanche or drowning, feel free to call on your Rescue Cat.
Or Bird.

starfanglednut March 22, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Sure, "Barb", you government plant you.

HistoriCat March 23, 2012 at 12:14 am

Ah, so "Barb" is merely a description of your wit – got it. And forget the chin, scratch behind the ears …

FROTHY March 22, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Hey, now, THAT's an oatmeal cookie I could actually LIKE!

Thanks, sweetness! (digs around for teh booze)

user-of-owls March 22, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Goes without saying, old thing. Goes without saying.

user-of-owls March 22, 2012 at 9:00 pm

I'll second that!

user-of-owls March 22, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Were you trying to prove my point? 'Cuz ya did a helluva job right there, you did.

FROTHY March 23, 2012 at 12:38 am

My littlest feline (Gojira Helen Wheels, a mostly Russian Blue) has taken to leaving her toys IN my bed every night. The partner tosses them downstairs in the morning, and she drags them back upstairs and hides them under the sheets every night. An old, very hairy, much-gnawed yellow foam ball, a small, catnip-stuffed fish, and a cotton-stuffed cloth voodoo doll that has a male on one side and a female on the other.

Personally, I think she's making offerings to Feline Deity, hoping it will bring me home. I'm SO touched! (Mostly amused, but yes, also touched.)

starfanglednut March 22, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Yay!

Barb March 22, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Oh my God, Starfangled! You remember that! If I go on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, I want you as a phone a friend, please.

user-of-owls March 22, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Oh, I think you should totally adopt that picture, if only for a day. Alas, I'm so intimately linked to <– picture, that bad juju would ensue should I switch out of it.

Go, Nut, Go!!

starfanglednut March 22, 2012 at 9:28 pm

I don't think I'll forget it. I just thought it was so hilarious. still makes me giggle every time I think of it.

starfanglednut March 22, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Linky no work my feathered friend.

user-of-owls March 22, 2012 at 9:59 pm
Barb March 22, 2012 at 11:05 pm

This person has a website and they come in and bang, bang, bang away so that people will look at their profile, find them interesting and join their blogs. First, you must be interesting here before anyone gives a rat's ass about your blog.

flamingpdog March 22, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Oh, Barb, am I the only Wonketeer that doesn't have any crazy siblings? Well, OK, two of them are Repubs, but not crazy Repubs.

Barb March 22, 2012 at 11:39 pm

I have 8 brothers and sisters, all crazy. I only speak to Nancy because I like to torture her with the stories of my happy life. In my entire life, I've only allowed her in my home once for a visit. I couldn't stop her, lol.

True story, my awesome neighbor, Doug saw Nancy in my back yard and asked if she was my mother, in front of Nancy. We are 1 year apart in age, born in the same month.

You will never meet two women who are more polar opposites. Nancy is a blonde, with sky blue eyes, I am a red head with blue-green eyes. She's a hoarder and I am OCD. She blows goats and I am afraid of goats.

Barb March 23, 2012 at 12:43 am

I can't lie to you, my name is Barbara.

FROTHY March 23, 2012 at 12:52 am

Oh, Derrick Wildcat, you are a BIG reason I want to come home immediatement! I can't seem to connect to any of the photo sites from here, and even when I can it can take up to 1/2 hr for a photo to load.

I vant to see yor pitchers! Dammit.

DerrickWildcat March 23, 2012 at 12:57 am

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
Merry, merry king of the bush is he
Laugh, Kookaburra! Laugh, Kookaburra!
Gay your life must be

dubyatf March 23, 2012 at 1:35 am

Last post on this thread, PINKY swearz.
This one time, in the grocery store checkout, the cashier asked me and my sister which of us was older. . . Okay, possibly not as dramatic as Doug asking Nancy if she was your mother except my sister and I are 8 years apart and she has, for years, telegraphed her feelings of pity that she got all the looks. I'm the elder sister, btw, (oh, and we were born in the same month, too) and when the cashier asked "Who's older?" I gave my sister a side-eye to make a flounder weep, just in time to catch her shooting the hate lasers out of *her* sky blue eyes. She's got blonde hair, too. My eyes are hazel, which can appear green, depending. But my hair's not red, it's blonde-ish, and my sister's name isn't Nancy, although that is the name of my ex-best friend.
Oh–and my mother's name is Barbara.
ALL TRUE.
Once summoned, the Pinky Swear must be faithfully observed.

C_R_Eature March 23, 2012 at 8:37 am

Two very good points. I don't like to stick my nose too far into people's personal lives (because I'd appreciate it if they'd stay out of mine) but those sort of things are clearly beyond the pale. What the Duggars are allowed to do is nothing less than child abuse, IMHO.

not that Dewey March 23, 2012 at 8:45 am

Who said that? Hawkeye?

not that Dewey March 23, 2012 at 10:09 am

and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?

C_R_Eature March 23, 2012 at 10:24 am

Very very Cool! I've been warned about those guys. They'll light you up.

Fare la Volpe March 23, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Miss you too, Papa Bear. The Ann Arbor move isn't happening until May, so you'll probably be back in the country to hear all about me stressing and shredding my gorgeous ginger locks in frustration.

And you'll like that the first things I packed for the big day were my handcuffs. Girl's gotta plan ahead.

user-of-owls March 23, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Oh dear, we've always known you were touched. Plus, that sounds exactly like what was under the Xmas Tree one year. I'd love to say that was when Ol' Pop gave up the sauce, but alas…

Still: Catnip-stuffed Fish!! Worth every black-and-blue, I tells ya.

lulzmonger March 24, 2012 at 12:19 pm

"Cuntpasta" (the final product) & "cuntpaste" (the action) (….. heh, which I plainly fucked up in using instead of the former) are both contemporary degenerate idiom derived from "cutnpaste" … & cavil if ye must, but their precious aura of brute prurience makes them both sound perfectly spiffy-doodle-dandy to me.

IDIOMOCRACY NOW!

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