is it still awards season?

And The Most Nepotistic Member of Congress Award Goes To…

Is that Paul Ryan in the orange sweater?

A chilling new report from Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington shows that this member of Congress’s campaign committee and PAC paid out a total of $304,599 in salaries and $48,742 for services during the 2008 and 2010 election cycles to his daughter, daughter’s mother-in-law, brother, grandson, granddaughter [*PAUSES FOR BREATH*] another granddaughter and a grandson-in-law, making this Representative the most nepotistic member of Congress by volume of family members on the campaign dole. And that’s only from 2008 and 2010! Who is it!? Don’t forget to scribble down your guesses on the back of your unemployment check stubs!

Hooray, and the Oscar goes to Doctor Congressman Ron Paul. Now we know why Ron Paul is always running for president: So that his family members always have jobs, what a guy. But Ron Paul is far from alone — in fact, his entry takes up only four out of three hundred and forty-three pages of this campaign expenditure report. Congress seems to be much better at job creation than they are letting on! Here are some more shining examples:

Top five representatives paying the most money in salaries or fees to family members:
• Rep. Alcee Hastings, (D-FL) paid his girlfriend $622,574.
• Rep. Jerry Lewis (R-CA) paid his wife $512,293.
• Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA) paid her daughter and grandson a combined $495,650.
• Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) paid six different relatives a combined $304,599.
• Rep. Buck McKeon (R-CA) paid his wife $238,438.
• In total, representatives paid $5,575,090 in salaries or fees directly to family members.

In sum, everyone have sex with Alcee Hastings. Recession: solved. [CREW]

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  1. nounverb911

    So is Paul still getting paid to be a congressmoron while he is campaigning for another job?

      1. FROTHY

        Really? I thought Paul, likp Bachmann, had only managed to get a single piece of legislation passed during his entire career. Please let me know if I'm wrong, my InterToobz connection is *horrendously* slow, and half the time Firefox tells me it can't find GOOGLE (WTFOMGWTF??!).

        1. Fare la Volpe

          I've literally had Google searches that returned "We could not find Would you like to search again?"

          1. FROTHY

            AHAHAHAHA!! In the US? Oh god that's rich.

            Damn I miss you, gorgeous. Hope the Ann Arbor thing is moving smoovely. (Hugs the foxy little one) Now remember NOT to let ANYONE tie you up till you give your roommate their address and DL details!

          2. Fare la Volpe

            Miss you too, Papa Bear. The Ann Arbor move isn't happening until May, so you'll probably be back in the country to hear all about me stressing and shredding my gorgeous ginger locks in frustration.

            And you'll like that the first things I packed for the big day were my handcuffs. Girl's gotta plan ahead.

          1. FROTHY

            (Hugs teh nut most fondly) Soon as my mission is accomplished, sweetie, I'm so on that plane.

            I love my sister, and duty is duty, but damn I so miss home! Mostly, I miss my superfast InterToobz connection that allowed me to Wonketz alla time. Here, half the time when I can even GET TO Wonkette, the commenting system won't let me in. And responding to comments is iffy, at best. I get "timed out," and my responses don't show up. Hell, even other people's COMMENTS don't show up. (Whine, whine, whinge)

    1. Terry

      Truth be told, he didn't do much when he WAS in the office. His one useful piece of legislation in all his years in Congress was to sell off an old courthouse in Galveston.

    2. glamourdammerung

      So is Paul still getting paid to be a congressmoron while he is campaigning for another job?

      Yes, and he double bills the first class airfare to Congress and his campaign.

  2. Lucidamente1

    The chair recognizes Mr. Lewis of California:

    Hey, Laaaady, I got a bunch of cash for you right here.

    1. flamingpdog

      One penny short of 10 Ameros for 28 pages of recipes? For that we ought at least get a doobie's worth of MJ for the brownies recipe.

    1. AbandonHope

      It's funny — when he said he wanted big changes in our government, I didn't realize he meant he wanted to change it to a monarchy.

  3. nounverb911

    How does Paul get away with it? I always had to take a vacation day to interview for a new job.

        1. Biff

          That's about the average amount of time a cat sleeps during the year anyway, so you might've been OK.

        2. flamingpdog

          All you have to do is put out a 55-gallon drum full of dry cat food and a bucket of water in the kitchen and the cat will be fine. It might look like Newt Gingrich by the time you get home, but, hey, it's not like the cat would have actually missed you.

          1. user-of-owls

            That's because cats actually have self-respect, unlike those filthy, slobbering poop-machines that make the ludicrous claim that they are "Man's best friend."

            That's only true if you define "best friend" as "someone who behaves as a perverse mix of Glenn Close's bunny-boiler and Sally Fucking Field at the Oscars."

          2. user-of-owls

            Oh, I think you should totally adopt that picture, if only for a day. Alas, I'm so intimately linked to <– picture, that bad juju would ensue should I switch out of it.

            Go, Nut, Go!!

          3. Gunner Asch

            Aw, c'mon. They need us, they just have trouble saying so sometimes. I've had a couple who would let out a "where is everybody?" yowl and come running into the room for some lovin' when a person called back.

          4. FROTHY

            My littlest feline (Gojira Helen Wheels, a mostly Russian Blue) has taken to leaving her toys IN my bed every night. The partner tosses them downstairs in the morning, and she drags them back upstairs and hides them under the sheets every night. An old, very hairy, much-gnawed yellow foam ball, a small, catnip-stuffed fish, and a cotton-stuffed cloth voodoo doll that has a male on one side and a female on the other.

            Personally, I think she's making offerings to Feline Deity, hoping it will bring me home. I'm SO touched! (Mostly amused, but yes, also touched.)

          5. user-of-owls

            Oh dear, we've always known you were touched. Plus, that sounds exactly like what was under the Xmas Tree one year. I'd love to say that was when Ol' Pop gave up the sauce, but alas…

            Still: Catnip-stuffed Fish!! Worth every black-and-blue, I tells ya.

    1. Biff

      To be fair to Dr. Congressman Ron Paul, I think Bob Dole is the only candidate that quit his job before campaigning for the next one.

  4. Barb

    Seriously, my brother ran for congress in Memphis' 13th district. All I got was a lousy bumper sticker.

    1. prommie

      You have to get a committee chairmanship, or develop a niche issue, to get serious donation money into your PAC (Bribes). Note that its the PACs that are paying these moneys to the relatives. In Ron Paul's case, of course, he has figured out a way to get half the cranks and dingbats in america to think he is a God. He should quit politics while he still has time to go the L Ron Hubbard route, he'd make more money.

      1. Barb

        The good news is Ron Paul won't be hosting and family reunions at the White House. He'll just have to take them to the Waffle House.

          1. BerkeleyBear

            In honor of his southern pandering, he's switched to chicken and waffles. Which would pretty much sum up his policy stances.

        1. Gunner Asch

          Doesn't sound too safe to me. Isn't that where they hand out the post-it notes for who dies today?

    2. Jukesgrrl

      You got a bumper sticker for free? It didn't cost you anything? Every time someone I know runs for office, they want ME to write them a check. For the troops. Or something.

        1. flamingpdog

          HA, your brother has two first names, just like Ron Paul! Well, except, not two first names for him, unless, you know …

          Jeanette is my ex's first name, except that her's has two "n"s because her mother didn't know how to spell Jeanette.

        2. dubyatf

          Forgive my saying so, Barb, but your bro? Looks like a total square.

          Actually, when I saw his picture on that Flick'r page my first thought was "Wow, he really resembles Screwy!" Not Gingrich, THIS guy:

          Any relation?
          Screwy's from the planet Polie which OMG YOU GUYS makes perfect sense. How else to explain "Barb"s other-worldly command of the snark?
          Hopefully you're just toying with us and cruelly making us love you before you and your fellow travelers turn this craptastic little planet upside down, shake it, and start fresh.

    3. TanzbodenKoenig

      Is your brother Prince Mongo? Also, Memphis is a shitty place to get into politics; one of the many reasons I moved to the opposite end of the state. That, the oppressive heat and the crow-sized mosquitos

      1. FROTHY

        (Quietly scratches another place off possible list of vacation destinations)

        Yaknow, I suspect TN ain't gonna get a whole lot more tourism anywho, anaconda the new Scopes Monkey Law they'all just passed.

          1. Barb

            Flaming, all he talk about is being POTUS, seriously. He ripped me a new one for voting for Obama.

          2. flamingpdog

            Oh, Barb, am I the only Wonketeer that doesn't have any crazy siblings? Well, OK, two of them are Repubs, but not crazy Repubs.

          3. Barb

            I have 8 brothers and sisters, all crazy. I only speak to Nancy because I like to torture her with the stories of my happy life. In my entire life, I've only allowed her in my home once for a visit. I couldn't stop her, lol.

            True story, my awesome neighbor, Doug saw Nancy in my back yard and asked if she was my mother, in front of Nancy. We are 1 year apart in age, born in the same month.

            You will never meet two women who are more polar opposites. Nancy is a blonde, with sky blue eyes, I am a red head with blue-green eyes. She's a hoarder and I am OCD. She blows goats and I am afraid of goats.

          4. dubyatf

            Last post on this thread, PINKY swearz.
            This one time, in the grocery store checkout, the cashier asked me and my sister which of us was older. . . Okay, possibly not as dramatic as Doug asking Nancy if she was your mother except my sister and I are 8 years apart and she has, for years, telegraphed her feelings of pity that she got all the looks. I'm the elder sister, btw, (oh, and we were born in the same month, too) and when the cashier asked "Who's older?" I gave my sister a side-eye to make a flounder weep, just in time to catch her shooting the hate lasers out of *her* sky blue eyes. She's got blonde hair, too. My eyes are hazel, which can appear green, depending. But my hair's not red, it's blonde-ish, and my sister's name isn't Nancy, although that is the name of my ex-best friend.
            Oh–and my mother's name is Barbara.
            ALL TRUE.
            Once summoned, the Pinky Swear must be faithfully observed.

  5. x111e7thst

    I believe Newt paid in whore diamonds even when he was in Congress. It's the ethical thing to do.

  6. Tundra Grifter

    Is this the same Ron Paul who said Secret Service protection was a form of welfare?

    Guess he's got his family to look after him – and for him to look after!

    1. GOPCrusher

      The same Ron Paul who's minions proclaim to the world that he is a Washington Outsider.

      1. Loaded_Pants

        I always considered Paul to be a fraud when it came to his libertarian/small government/no welfare bull. But his cult eats that shit up.

        1. FROTHY

          To be fair, his followers appear to have some serious issues around logic, rational thought, THOUGHT, and mental health. War and pot seem to be their issues. Everything else, meh.

  7. hagajim

    So Dr. Paul is concerned about federal spending on things like Medicare and Medicaid….he should be, those are taking monies from his families pockets. I propose a new law….Congressjerks cannot have close family or main squeezes working for them….what a crock of shit!

    1. BerkeleyBear

      When my wife worked for the state in Illinois, it was widely known that at a certain level you could get your spouse employed. But to pass the smell test they had to actually be minimally qualified for the job and not be in your department. I never took the opportunity because it would make her beholden to certain people we didn't want controlling our lives.

      This would have been much easier.

    2. flamingpdog

      Not nearly as much now, but when I started working for the state, nepotism prospered in my Agency. One day I walked past a small room with a microwave oven in it with a sign that said, "Clean up after using this – your mother doesn't work here". It was all I could humanly do to keep on walking and not go back and write on the sign, "If you're an employee, your mother probably does work here."

  8. MissTaken

    I'm sure all of these wives/girlfriends/daughters/etc are the most-est qualified candidates for each of these jobs. Oh yeah.

      1. SorosBot

        Considering that a lot of the beneficiaries are children or grandchildren, what you;re implying is just – ick. Guess these are Southerners we're talking about.

        1. Fare la Volpe

          Your girlfriend was referring mostly to wives and girlfriends.

          Daughters? Well…when in Rome, fuck your kids or something.

    1. flamingpdog

      Family members are usually the most-est qualified for keeping campaign secrets secret. Just sayin'.

  9. Steverino247

    Somebody tell the Paultards how much of their money is going to relatives of "Dr. Paul" and see how fast it takes their heads to explode.


    1. FROTHY

      It's a PLOT!! A CONSPIRACY to bring down the ONLY honest man EVAH to run for office! Lies, spread by librulz h8mungerz!

      I mean, hey, remember how they reacted when all his Nazi/White Power/racist ties came up?

      1. dubyatf

        Apples and oranges. Nazi/white power/racist ties are the party planks.

        Aaaaaand, I just lost everything I spent the last 20 minutes composing. I am now too pissed off and whiney to recreate it. Please-don't cry for me. After I calm down (by drinking many alcoholic beverages) I'll attempt to recreate it.

        #%*^~!! (code for "Argh!")

        1. FROTHY

          You need one of these too, sweetpea. (Hugs teh dubyatf)

          Have you noticed how it's only ever when you write something BRILLIANT that your computer EATS it? It lets all your stupid, mistaken, incorrect comments out, no probz. Just the smart ones. Damn machines. It's a CONSPIRACY!

          1. dubyatf

            Frothy, that virtual hug was better than an oatmeal cookie.*

            *Oatmeal cookie:
            Equal parts Jaeger, butterscotch schnapps, Baileys

            Better than anything that comes out of yer oven, fo SHO.

        2. lulzmonger

          Sympathy … it's also a bitch when you copy a big gob of text, then copy something like a web address, forgetting that browsers' clipboards only hold one item at a time.

          I highly recommend using this little beauty … it's saved me much cursing since I got it: set it to run at startup & it'll save as much of your precious cuntpaste as you want, for as long as you want.

          1. FROTHY

            Um … I think you meant cutnpaste, not cuntpaste, sweetie. Although if it saves CUNTpaste, I sure plan to be using it A LOT.

          2. lulzmonger

            "Cuntpasta" (the final product) & "cuntpaste" (the action) (….. heh, which I plainly fucked up in using instead of the former) are both contemporary degenerate idiom derived from "cutnpaste" … & cavil if ye must, but their precious aura of brute prurience makes them both sound perfectly spiffy-doodle-dandy to me.

            IDIOMOCRACY NOW!

  10. Exhausted66

    To be fair, Buck McKeon – from my district – is Mormon. That money might be spread over several wives.

    1. Biff

      He was mine, before I escaped to NV. Now I plan on returning, as soon as I can swing it. He's pretty dreadful, but he speaks to the mouth-breathers in the far reaches.

  11. Mahousu

    True fact: Alcee Hastings is the poorest member of Congress, mostly because he still owes millions of dollars from his impeachment as a judge. Fortunately, he has a rich girlfriend.

  12. poorgradstudent

    To be fair I think it's not so much that Ron Paul is a shameless hypocrite but that he understands his own principles and their implications about as well as his followers do.

  13. elviouslyqueer

    For half a million dollars, I will be more than happy to give Paul Ryan the best blowjob of his life. But he only gets one. And bitch better not call me again.

      1. elviouslyqueer

        $250K would certainly buy you enough hand sanitizer, lord knows. I've earmarked my ill-gotten gains for dental dams, mouthwash, and a metric ton of chewing gum.

        1. HogeyeGrex

          … no thanks, bartender. If the first four shots didn't get rid of the taste, nothing will.

          1. FROTHY

            YES, that joke IS in my awful collection, and I LERVE it. (You can tell it at any gay bar and probably half the people in there will chime in on the punch line.)

    1. vtxmcrider

      Now to check whether you have any real standards … how much to suck off Joe Walsh? Or Mitch McConnell? Mitch's dick looks like a turtle, too, uncut.

      1. elviouslyqueer

        Oh please. You're assuming that I'd be able to pry away Kyle Simmons from McConnell's crotch long enough for me to exercise my due diligence. And as far as Joe Walsh, he'd have to pony up some big bucks (sorry kids, no child support for you!). Plus, his marvelous hair would be excellent for grabbing, since he'd be doing all the work.

  14. SorosBot

    And here I thought Mr. Paul would let leave his family to the whims of the Free Market, like he wants to force the rest of us to do.

    1. terriblyfamous

      I like the little mini-McKeon that pops out and starts yammering away about representative governments or something when you visit that link.

      1. Dr. Nick Riviera

        He looks lonely. We should introduce him to that equally pathetic Michael Steele gif Wonkette used to have lying around.

    2. dubyatf

      Hey, ya know how sometimes you taste something new and after you gag and spit it out you're all "Dude,that tastes like cat litter/the stockyards/taint smells?"
      McKeon *looks* like he *sounds* exactly like Chris Farley does when he giggles in that Gap Girl sketch.
      Tell me I'm wrong. A lot of good it will do.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Why do all of these congresscritters look as if some ugly hairy creature has taken up residence on top of their butt-ugly heads? Are they renting space to some animals from the National Zoo so that the government can save money?

    2. FROTHY

      At least I won't need WANT to take a masturbation break today…

      And if you keep his picture by your bedside, I guarantee you will NEVAH AGEN be plagued by the SIN of masturbation.

      1. dubyatf

        You guys take masturbation breaks? Nice gig. We only got coffee or smoke breaks at my old job.

        1. FROTHY

          You know how you go to the terlet sometimes and there's someone in a neighbouring stall and they're just *awful* quiet except for the occasional *breathing*?

          Oh, wait, you're a gurl, and teh laydeez don't do that stuff so much, or not at work, anyway.

        2. DahBoner

          We don't have time for masturbation breaks at work.

          We have to keep working and just think of England…

  15. SayItWithWookies

    You know you're asking too much of government when it should be small enough to drown in a bathtub yet still have a teat for every single member of your family. Also, mealtimes would be awkward.

  16. user-of-owls

    In July 2000, I happened to be in Mexico for the historic election that swept aside the PRI and swept in, like a welcomed (?) dust bunny, the PAN. Got to discussing with a Mexican colleague how odd it seemed to me that the incoming arch-conservative Vicente Fox was being backed by the Partido Verde. She told me that there was nothing odd about it at all, noting that the 'Green' Party was, "un empresa familiar, a 'family business.'

    Funny, I don't remember a specific 'Nepotism Clause' in NAFTA. Hold on, let me give El Sup a call.

  17. SexySmurf

    O/T Oh look, the Duggars, stars of the TLC show Fucking For Jesus, released a new video endorsing–wait for it–Senator Frothy Mix for Preznit.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Sex-Crazed Right-Wing Cultists Endorse Sex-Crazed Right-Wing Cultist:

      Details at eleven

    2. Jukesgrrl

      They've only been on TV for years now. So they finally figured out a more efficient way to reach their people than door-to-door communication? I guess driving around in that van was getting pretty smelly with HOW MANY kids in diapers at once??

      1. elviouslyqueer

        If by "to be like theirs" you mean "publicity whores who keep having children so they can sponge off other people's sympathy and charity, all the while engaging in so many harmful pregnancies that their children aren't meeting several significant developmental milestones," then yes. And G*d help us all, everyone.

    3. Monsieur_Grumpe

      19 lids! I thought I saw an overworked uterus in the background of one of those shots.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        I get the impression they're a bunch of reality-teevee grifters who make the Palin clan look classy. (I don't even own a teevee, but there's so much crap on it these days that every other medium is contaminated.)

        1. C_R_Eature

          It's worse than that. They're part of the Evangelical Christian "Quiverfull" movement, one of whos goals is to Mass-Produce as many Soldiers for Christ as possible. Fine in theory, assuming all those children will stay Faithful, Or Sane. Or Alive.

          I don't have any problem with people believing anything they want or living in any silly-assed manner they choose. I do take issue with the TLC channel allowing these people to make a public spectacle out of themselves, turn their huge family into a money-sucking machine and assisting them in promoting their radical Dominionist Cult.

          1. Negropolis

            I actually do kind of have a problem with this for two main reasons. Sometimes, these families have more children than they can actually support. Also, I've seen families like this where they basically partner up the older children with younger children, and the older children basically become the parents of their (buddy). I don't believe in children forced by their parents to basically become surrogate parents. I've actually seen this in my extended family with families with far fewer children. It's not fair to the older children.

          2. C_R_Eature

            Two very good points. I don't like to stick my nose too far into people's personal lives (because I'd appreciate it if they'd stay out of mine) but those sort of things are clearly beyond the pale. What the Duggars are allowed to do is nothing less than child abuse, IMHO.

  18. Antispandex

    Three out of five for the party of small government. I'm shocked, SHOCKED, to find that there is nepotism in the GOP! But, then again, who else would act as a parrot for a Teapublican?

  19. FakaktaSouth

    Why is it always this way? I swear I wish I hated something so that I could find my true hypocritical calling. I don't know what in the hell to do that is the opposite of who I am besides becoming a Republican. Then I can haz gov'ment PAC too?

  20. pinkocommi

    "this member of Congress’s campaign committee and PAC paid out a total of $304,599 in salaries and $48,742 for services during the 2008 and 2010 election cycles to his daughter, daughter’s mother-in-law, brother, grandson, granddaughter [*PAUSES FOR BREATH*] another granddaughter and a grandson-in-law"

    If that's the "Free Market," no wonder Ron Paul loves it so much.

  21. Eve8Apples

    A member of Congress paying a spouse for "services?" hmmmm, wouldn't that make the spouse kind of a…. Oh, what's the word I'm looking for? I just had the word, damn it. Hey, Rush, what do you call someone who gets paid by the government to perform services for their spouse?

    Rush: "It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex."

    1. IceCreamEmpress

      They're related to Ron Paul, so I'm sure we're not talking about future Nobelists here.

    2. dadanarchist

      is seriously underpaying his relatives.

      Duh – Libertarians. You pay what the market allows. Apparently, there is a labor surplus of Paul relatives which drives down wages for all the other Paul relatives. Clearly, if the Pauls want higher wages from Ron Paul, they need to build a border fence.

  22. SayItWithWookies

    I anxiously await Lynn Cheney's condemnation of this sordid and corrupt practice.

  23. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Point of order! It's not nepotism unless the money's actually going to your nephew.

    1. doloras

      Or grandson. I've always thought some deep dark secret in Roman culture lay behind the fact that the Latin word for the two is the same.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Having a flashback to the first Newell era's invasion of the Paultard National Mall Jamboree.

  24. Tundra Grifter

    It's a sad, sad day when a white American male can't practice nepotism with his own family!

  25. HippieEsq

    You can have sex with Alcee Hastings, but for a real pay day may I suggest trying a K St. Lawyer instead (ahem… AHEM). Or fuck it, just do John Edwards and get ready for the golden parachute of a lifetime (aka the next Edwards baby). Good pay, bad genes.

  26. bureaucrap

    Alcee Hastings may be one of "ours", but he's still scum. It takes a pecularly blatant ability to abuse office to get impeached as a federal judge.

    1. Gainsbourg69

      Alcee is only one of ours because the democratic party in Broward county, Florida is corrupt as shit. Any time someone has attempted to primary him the machine sweeps in and blows his opponent out of the water. I should know, his district lies just west of my own.

  27. Come here a minute

    Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) paid six different relatives a combined $304,599.

    Ooooh, big spender, that's like fifty grand apiece — Dr Paul is soaking his contributors to let his family members live in filthy-rich-teacher style!

  28. Fukui-sanYesOta

    Not to sound like a whingey mcwhingester (which of course I do), but I'd rather this not be the last post of the night. It's difficult to snark on these oinkers shuffling up to the trough.

    Oh, don't mind me. I'm just cranky because I've been working since 3am and I've only just cracked my first beer.

    OT, these 100-year-old colour photos of Russia are kinda fun

    1. BlueStateLibel

      Whadda are ya, some kind of communist, putting up pictures of communists? But I agree, and I'm sure Mitt Rmoney said SOMETHING ridiculous today that we could all laugh at.

    2. C_R_Eature

      Thanks for that photo link, F-sYO. Coolest thing I've seen in a long time.

      Get some rest, Eh?

  29. Toomush_Infer

    O.K., no one else will say it, no one wants to, it's up to old Eeyore here: Maxine Waters??????…

  30. Dr. Nick Riviera

    Aw, I'm glad for the jolly ol' elf. It's about time he came in first at something.

  31. C_R_Eature

    OT Sky Geekery Update:

    It looks very much like the Thrice Postponed NASA-Anomalous Transport Rocket Experiment (ATREX) 5 rocket salvo launch from the Wallops Flight Facility on the coast of Virgina, USA, is going to go off tonight! Coutdown's started at 8 PM EDT (-5hrs Zulu), the launch gantries are up to launch elevation and the weather should be fine. Launch window is 12 Midnight to 3 EDT (-5 Z). You can watch a livestream from the Wallops facility Here. . There's also a live feed on Ustream.

    To review, these suborbital rockets will rise 65 miles to the upper jet stream, releasing plumes of aluminum oxide smoke which will burst into flame,forming large visible luminous clouds,igniting the Van Allen Belts allowing NASA scientists to track the 300 mph winds cooking the planet like a Thanksgiving Turducken in a perfectly safe and effective manner.

    Enjoy, everyone!

      1. not that Dewey

        Clearly an internicine turf war among Big Government Agencies. HAARP is reflexively changing the weather so that NASA can't uncover its secrets.

        1. C_R_Eature

          Or the overnight staff at the HAARP array have been drinking again.

          "Heh heh heh…let's dial up some winds and high altitude stratus for those fuckers now! Bwa, ha ha ha ha ha *BELCH*"

          1. not that Dewey

            A colleague of mine was involved on the receiving end of a HAARP moon bounce experiment. Because they were transmitting right near the ionosphere plasma frequency, they had to do it at night, when absorption is less. As drunk as they were, they still managed to get the Alaska-NM bounce angle right. Don't mess with HAARP graveyard shift engineers.

  32. Negropolis

    To be serious for a second, I've been wanting Alcee Hastings to stand down for quite a few years, now. That he topped the list didn't surprised me in the least; he's a crook. Oh, and Maxine Waters. Too.

    1. Fukui-sanYesOta

      Paul Ryan will offer you some illusory pottage for the low low price of cutting taxes for the rich and "widening the tax base" (=making poor people pay more).

      1. user-of-owls

        Back in my gloriously misspent youth, we could get an ounce of Mexican illusory pottage for, like, $40, which is pretty small beer compared to the low low astronomical price of those tax cuts.

      1. Negropolis

        Sounds like a great racket, but unlike the sociopaths in Congress, I couldn't put up with the headaches.

  33. flamingpdog

    OT, and I apologize if this matter was brought up in one of the 13 other blog posts today, but the Square State's newest felon-in-residence is going gray.

    1. DerrickWildcat

      There was a documentary the other day with his barber. The shocking reveal was that his hair was colored! The Barber's startling prediction was that within a month he would look like George Lucas!

      1. dubyatf

        Really? I read where he said Blago's hair would look like Jay Leno's. NAME YOUR SOURCE, DERRICK.

        1. FROTHY

          Oh, gurl. If you know *anything* about Derrick, you *know* a little bird told him.

          PS: Derrick takes the most fantastic pikkies of teh birdies. Check 'em out. FANTASTIC.

          1. DerrickWildcat

            I might post a few more tonight. I'm working tirelessly through 9,000 photos/50 Gbs. I'm a little behind on my cataloging. I haven't even had the chance to mess around with Lightroom 4.0 yet :(

          2. FROTHY

            Oh, Derrick Wildcat, you are a BIG reason I want to come home immediatement! I can't seem to connect to any of the photo sites from here, and even when I can it can take up to 1/2 hr for a photo to load.

            I vant to see yor pitchers! Dammit.

  34. LiveToServeYa

    Libertarians. It's all 'ultimate freedom for all' just as long as they get the lion's share of it. This is another paulturd dropped.

  35. DahBoner


    Isn't that where they have sex with dead people???

    To be fair, it would be mighty hard to tell with Ron Paul…

  36. gurukalehuru

    Maxine Waters is technically my congressperson, even though I haven't been anywhere near the U.S. in years. I keep voting for her, partly because of the D- in front of her name, but more because of the R- in front of her opponents'. But I knew her name would be on that list. Crookeder than a dog's hind leg.

  37. lulzmonger


    HMMMM. Speaking of Family Values … can we by any chance get a "Most Inbred Member Of Congress" report next?

  38. Barb

    Histori, first you would have to assume that it is true. Then you would have to assume that my name is Barbara. : )
    I'll give you a scratch under the chin for being so darned cute.

  39. HistoriCat

    Ah, so "Barb" is merely a description of your wit – got it. And forget the chin, scratch behind the ears …

  40. Barb

    Oh my God, Starfangled! You remember that! If I go on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, I want you as a phone a friend, please.

  41. Barb

    This person has a website and they come in and bang, bang, bang away so that people will look at their profile, find them interesting and join their blogs. First, you must be interesting here before anyone gives a rat's ass about your blog.

  42. not that Dewey

    and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?

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