CYBERBULLYING  3:10 pm March 22, 2012

Allen West Will Fake-Execute You If You Question His Devotion To Ryan Budget

by Kaia Mursi

SOMETIMES I JUST GET SO MAD.Oh, good heavens, what has powerful nutball Allen West gotten himself into today? Something insane? Something creepy, perhaps? ALL OF THEM. Representative West, an actual elected official with hands on the levers of government, loves fellow representative Paul Ryan’s proposed budget plan SO FUCKING MUCH that even questioning that love is a “suicide mission” that may give you permanent deadness. Which, what? We could understand getting intemperately het up about Paul Ryan’s very serious and dreamy Jimmy Stewart-blue eyes, as this is a condition an estimated 76 percent of media personalities suffer from. But the budget plan itself? Uhhhh, why don’t you go ahead and put it back in your pants, Congressman?

This may be a violation of Facebook’s Terms of Service:

West posted on his Facebook page that he is proud to endorse the budget proposal put forward this week by House Budget Chairman Paul Ryan (R-Wis.).

“Anyone challenging me on my support to this visionary plan to restore our economic security will be signing up for a suicide mission,” wrote West, a 22-year Army veteran who served in Operations Desert Storm and Iraqi Freedom. “My recommendation to any detractors, read Proverbs 17:28 and heed its advice. It is time for those who understand how to govern, not demagogue.”

Oh, goodie, the Bible’s involved! What does the Good Book say, HuffPo?

“Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.”

Damn, thought it would be a bit more fiery and brimstone-y. That actually sounds like good counsel to mouth-poopers like Allen West. Although, maybe he is just planning one of those “fake” executions that got him court-martialed? Who knows, it could be fun! [HuffPo]

 
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{ 91 comments }

nounverb911 March 22, 2012 at 3:11 pm

What a "Meshugah".

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I wouldn't give him even that much credit. He's more a mesaccaharine or mequal.

AbandonHope March 22, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Mestevia?

FlownOver March 22, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Isn't that the poopenmachen yogurt stuff?

sullivanst March 22, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Careful, or you might find yourself in a shemozzle with that schlemiel, which would be a shonda…

Chill-A-Sketch March 22, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Speaking of faking, I bet Allen's wife has never had a real orgasm.

Barb March 22, 2012 at 3:13 pm

The Ryan budget plan calls for tax cuts for the rich and slashing funding for foster care. Who would object to this?

Boojum_Reborn March 22, 2012 at 3:21 pm

All of them?

memzilla March 22, 2012 at 3:22 pm

It's worked so well for the past decade!

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 3:24 pm

It's worked so well for the past three decades!

Fixed yer post for ya

AbandonHope March 22, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Obligatory "are there no workhouses" goes here.

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 4:37 pm

And it sounds like he still is calling for the end of Medicaid and Medicare, which was so popular with the elderly Republiklans the last time it was proposed.

rocktonsam March 22, 2012 at 10:58 pm

and college funding

asshole!

Callyson March 22, 2012 at 3:14 pm

What a better world this would be if Allen West and his ilk listened to that proverb…

Tommy1733 March 22, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Knowing how to quote the bible is not about following what it actually says – it's about sounding like Charleton Heston in public.

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ March 22, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Yeah, fools. Hold your tongue. There's no room for malcontents, nor disagreement with the assholes in charge. Fine, Allen. How about some Good Book back atcha, like in Jeremiah 23:16?

This is what the LORD Almighty says:

“Do not listen to what the prophets are prophesying to you;
they fill you with false hopes.
They speak visions from their own minds,
not from the mouth of the LORD.

Hair of the dog, asshole.

anniegetyerfun March 22, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Getting hair off of a dog's asshole is pretty tough, I can tell you (I do a lot of grooming work in my spare time).

What? Oh.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 23, 2012 at 2:27 am

"They speak visions from their own minds"

Hence the "visionary" plan.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 22, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Of course Congressman West supports the Ryan Budget. West loves putting guns to the heads of people before screwing them, and the Ryan Budget would allow him to screw more people than he has ever dreamed of before. It is a win/win situation for him.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Proverbs 17:28

You'll note, Congressman, that doesn't make him any less of a fool, just a silent one.

Speaking of silent fools….

nounverb911 March 22, 2012 at 3:17 pm

So did West finally get his Hummer filled?

Chet Kincaid March 22, 2012 at 3:29 pm

If by that you mean, "is he going down on Paul Ryan?", the answer is yes.

MissTaken March 22, 2012 at 3:17 pm

“Anyone challenging me on my support to this visionary plan to restore our economic security will be signing up for a suicide mission,”

Um, not since 1980 has tax cuts for the rich and slashing spending for needy folks been considered "visionary". In fact, even then it wasn't "visionary". Lunacy? Yes. Visionary? No.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Visionary, to the extent that he saw it in the bottom of a whiskey bottle.

Boojum_Reborn March 22, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Matthew 13:57 "But Jesus said unto them, A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country, and in his own house."

And by "prophet," I mean "delusional mouth breather."

SorosBot March 22, 2012 at 3:53 pm

And I see that you made the same point I did, only early and better; I feel lame.

Chet Kincaid March 22, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Would you guys quit "completing each other" in public?!

MissTaken March 22, 2012 at 4:03 pm

But he had me at "hello".

jzgplj March 23, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Doesn't Florida have a Stand Your Ground law? I'm thinkin' I heard that somewhere, because Allen West sounds like he's threatening someone.

Boojum_Reborn March 22, 2012 at 3:17 pm

OK, so if it is time for those who understand how, to govern, what time is it for Alan West?

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Eleventy o'clock

Callyson March 22, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Let's see how into the bible Allen West really is, shall we? Try this verse out:
"But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also." (Matthew 5:39)
Now, this is not a credible threat to commit bodily harm…just a hypothetical thought…

Baconzgood March 22, 2012 at 3:18 pm

What a fuck head.

valthemus March 22, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Who's probably hung like an ant.

SorosBot March 22, 2012 at 3:20 pm

It's visionary? I thought the plan was just the same old Republican plan to cut taxes for the rich and destroy services for the poor that they've always done. And scream about the deficit even though the tax cuts would increase it.

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Deficits don't matter.

-Dick Cheney

Baconzgood March 22, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Paul Ryan is a dweeb. I hate these tea party people. I wouldn't trust him to wash my car let alone make a budget.

Chet Kincaid March 22, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Creepy eyes.

MrFizzy March 22, 2012 at 3:22 pm

You mean eraserhead.

Lucidamente1 March 22, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Then there's Mr. T. 5:7:

"I pity the fool that takes Allen West seriously."

Tommy1733 March 22, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I don't know, he could be 2016's Santorum.

doloras March 22, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Who, Mr T?

thumbcuff March 22, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Would it be also be a suicide mission to mention that 'demagogue' is a noun, not a verb? And that it means 'a political leader who seeks support by appealing to popular desires and prejudices rather than by using rational argument'? Also.

Spurning Beer March 22, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Remarks like that will get your Wonkette commenting privileges revoked, Congressman.

WiscDad March 22, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Ah pity da foo who tries to challenge me on mah support…I'll erase them with mah nappy eraser head

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 3:29 pm

He's got the kind of face we call "high five," cuz you just wanna slap him some.

4TheTurnstiles March 22, 2012 at 3:24 pm

No. Milton was a visionary, Marx was a visionary. William Blake was a visionary. Ryan only holds a candle in sunshine.

dadanarchist March 22, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Allen West: "It is time for those who understand how to govern, not demagogue.”

Then quit, asshole.

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 4:42 pm

But to Allen West, anyone that points out that more tax cuts will not reduce the deficit, is a demagogue.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Really? We can't even point and laugh anymore at people, admin?

(Deleted comment, you wouldn't get it)

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 4:50 pm

NELSON MUNTZ LIBEL !!1!1!!

Texan_Bulldog March 22, 2012 at 3:27 pm

It's like Allen West looks in his mirror every morning and sees Chuck Norris reflected back. Wonder if he knows he's blah?

ttommyunger March 23, 2012 at 8:52 am

Only on the outside.

BarackMyWorld March 22, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I don't know who the first person was who called the Ryan Budget a "Republican Suicide Pact" but the description is fitting.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 23, 2012 at 2:30 am

Nothing wrong with that, so long as they stop and let the rest of us out of the car.

freakishlywrong March 22, 2012 at 3:29 pm

I posted this elsewhere: As long as oligarchs are contributing hundreds of millions of dollars to the likes of Rick Santorum and Newt fucking Gingrich, the working class and the poor should not be expected to contribute one thin dime to so called "austerity". Fuck all you Kochsuckers.

Negropolis March 23, 2012 at 12:36 am

This needs to be a Post of the Week. And, if I here another fucking corporation beg for a tax break or threaten to leave their location, local or federal, I'm going to lose my mind.

weej_bain March 22, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Needs better Scripture…

Neuman: 7:55 What? Me worry?

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Austin 3:16

Chet Kincaid March 22, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Why does Allen West make every single thing he does sound like some volunteers-only mission that will leave him covered in medals and glory? "Do not question my resolve to brew a pot of coffee praised by the future generations who shall rise from slumber after me!!" "Raccoons in my garbage: clear the perimeter, lest you be reminded of the small arms and hand-to-hand combat patches I have earned in service to this great country!!"

anniegetyerfun March 22, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I love you. This is incredibly accurate.

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 4:51 pm

He's an asshole?

glamourdammerung March 22, 2012 at 6:39 pm

People should really do that around him just to make him even more nutty. Especially if Wasserman-Schultz does it.

Gleem McShineys March 22, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Translation: I've literally got nothing at all to say in support of Paul's crazy shit-for-a-budget plan, so I'll just threaten you instead.

MissTaken March 22, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Oddly enough, I just got out of a meeting with my 7 bosses and you can bet I told them “Anyone challenging me on my support to this visionary plan to restore our economic security will be signing up for a suicide mission,”

I'm now fired. Weird.

Not_So_Much March 22, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I'd hit that. With his Hummer.

Chet Kincaid March 22, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Allen West actually addresses all of these diatribes "To the insolent, fiery-eyed Debbie Wasserman-Schultz:" but his aides always clean up the press releases before they go out.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 22, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Can we at least all agree that it must be hard on Allen West, as he obviously has a very small penis.

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Heh heh heh. "Hard on"

hagajim March 22, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Why isn't Rep. (Nutball) West pictured in chains eating KFC, after all,he is a blah?

starfanglednut March 22, 2012 at 9:37 pm

He's not uppity. Knows his place.

user-of-owls March 22, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Chuck Grassley :: Elected Ruminant
Allen West :: Vulgar Hate-Pencil

OneYieldRegular March 22, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Has anyone called the cops yet?

Eve8Apples March 22, 2012 at 4:32 pm

“Anyone challenging me on my support to this visionary plan to restore our economic security will be signing up for a suicide mission,” wrote West.

Game on, asshole. I challenge you. Now whatcha gonna do about it, pussy?

stncmchnc March 22, 2012 at 4:42 pm

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger. I bet West considers himself the foot fuckin' master as well. My apologies to Jules Winfield.

larrykat March 22, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Did one of the Kid n Play guys grow up to be Alan West?

rickmaci March 22, 2012 at 5:21 pm

How did a man so lacking in perspective or common sense become a Colonel in the United States Army?

ttommyunger March 23, 2012 at 8:56 am

Lieutenant Colonel. There is a BIG difference. LC means you managed to go twenty years or so without fucking up too bad. It took this moran 21 years. Full Colonel is the hallmark of a successful military career. He would have never been promoted to Colonel, in my opinion. Ass kissing? Goes without saying.

elviouslyqueer March 22, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Allan West is just a wig and a housecoat away from being Madea. Is all I'm saying.

Negropolis March 23, 2012 at 12:45 am

Wooo, honey-child! Oh, no you just di'int!

a_pink_poodle March 22, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Yes, I find it fairly common that when people quote Bible passages to justify controversial stuff, they tend to be very vague and lacking in relevance at least according to me.

glamourdammerung March 22, 2012 at 6:37 pm

“My recommendation to any detractors, read Proverbs 17:28 and heed its advice.

It is time for those who understand how to govern, not demagogue.”

Does this moron realize that words mean things?

valthemus March 22, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Clearly, words like "irony" mean nothing to him.

Biff March 22, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Has anyone suggested that he load up on iced tea and skittles and take a walk?

starfanglednut March 22, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Ha!

commiebro March 22, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Allen West- the reason we called officers "Zeroes".

orygoon March 22, 2012 at 10:11 pm

I actually agree with Republicans that there are areas where we could practice more fiscal austerity.

Military pension benefits for guys charged with serious violations of the Uniform Code of Military Justice would be right out, for instance.

Negropolis March 23, 2012 at 12:37 am

What a fuckin' self-important drama queen. Honestly, who does he think he is?

I hope his ass eventually ends up in prison where the rules of society are a bit different…

ttommyunger March 23, 2012 at 8:58 am

He and Peter King are vying to be the Rush Limbaugh of Congress.

mavenmaven March 23, 2012 at 10:17 am

I keep having this fantasy of Allen West being played by the old Eddie Murphy of SNL days as Gumby, "I'm Allen West, dammit".

DahBoner March 23, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Jib jib jive talkin'…

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