SOMETIMES I JUST GET SO MAD.Oh, good heavens, what has powerful nutball Allen West gotten himself into today? Something insane? Something creepy, perhaps? ALL OF THEM. Representative West, an actual elected official with hands on the levers of government, loves fellow representative Paul Ryan’s proposed budget plan SO FUCKING MUCH that even questioning that love is a “suicide mission” that may give you permanent deadness. Which, what? We could understand getting intemperately het up about Paul Ryan’s very serious and dreamy Jimmy Stewart-blue eyes, as this is a condition an estimated 76 percent of media personalities suffer from. But the budget plan itself? Uhhhh, why don’t you go ahead and put it back in your pants, Congressman?

This may be a violation of Facebook’s Terms of Service:

West posted on his Facebook page that he is proud to endorse the budget proposal put forward this week by House Budget Chairman Paul Ryan (R-Wis.).

“Anyone challenging me on my support to this visionary plan to restore our economic security will be signing up for a suicide mission,” wrote West, a 22-year Army veteran who served in Operations Desert Storm and Iraqi Freedom. “My recommendation to any detractors, read Proverbs 17:28 and heed its advice. It is time for those who understand how to govern, not demagogue.”

Oh, goodie, the Bible’s involved! What does the Good Book say, HuffPo?

“Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.”

Damn, thought it would be a bit more fiery and brimstone-y. That actually sounds like good counsel to mouth-poopers like Allen West. Although, maybe he is just planning one of those “fake” executions that got him court-martialed? Who knows, it could be fun! [HuffPo]

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  • nounverb911

    What a "Meshugah".

    • I wouldn't give him even that much credit. He's more a mesaccaharine or mequal.

      • AbandonHope


        • Isn't that the poopenmachen yogurt stuff?

    • sullivanst

      Careful, or you might find yourself in a shemozzle with that schlemiel, which would be a shonda…

  • Speaking of faking, I bet Allen's wife has never had a real orgasm.

  • Barb

    The Ryan budget plan calls for tax cuts for the rich and slashing funding for foster care. Who would object to this?

    • Boojum_Reborn

      All of them?

    • memzilla

      It's worked so well for the past decade!

      • It's worked so well for the past three decades!

        Fixed yer post for ya

    • AbandonHope

      Obligatory "are there no workhouses" goes here.

    • GOPCrusher

      And it sounds like he still is calling for the end of Medicaid and Medicare, which was so popular with the elderly Republiklans the last time it was proposed.

    • rocktonsam

      and college funding


  • Callyson

    What a better world this would be if Allen West and his ilk listened to that proverb…

    • Tommy1733

      Knowing how to quote the bible is not about following what it actually says – it's about sounding like Charleton Heston in public.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢

    Yeah, fools. Hold your tongue. There's no room for malcontents, nor disagreement with the assholes in charge. Fine, Allen. How about some Good Book back atcha, like in Jeremiah 23:16?

    This is what the LORD Almighty says:

    “Do not listen to what the prophets are prophesying to you;
    they fill you with false hopes.
    They speak visions from their own minds,
    not from the mouth of the LORD.

    Hair of the dog, asshole.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Getting hair off of a dog's asshole is pretty tough, I can tell you (I do a lot of grooming work in my spare time).

      What? Oh.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "They speak visions from their own minds"

      Hence the "visionary" plan.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Of course Congressman West supports the Ryan Budget. West loves putting guns to the heads of people before screwing them, and the Ryan Budget would allow him to screw more people than he has ever dreamed of before. It is a win/win situation for him.

  • Proverbs 17:28

    You'll note, Congressman, that doesn't make him any less of a fool, just a silent one.

    Speaking of silent fools….

  • nounverb911

    So did West finally get his Hummer filled?

    • If by that you mean, "is he going down on Paul Ryan?", the answer is yes.

  • MissTaken

    “Anyone challenging me on my support to this visionary plan to restore our economic security will be signing up for a suicide mission,”

    Um, not since 1980 has tax cuts for the rich and slashing spending for needy folks been considered "visionary". In fact, even then it wasn't "visionary". Lunacy? Yes. Visionary? No.

    • Visionary, to the extent that he saw it in the bottom of a whiskey bottle.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      Matthew 13:57 "But Jesus said unto them, A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country, and in his own house."

      And by "prophet," I mean "delusional mouth breather."

    • SorosBot

      And I see that you made the same point I did, only early and better; I feel lame.

      • Would you guys quit "completing each other" in public?!

        • MissTaken

          But he had me at "hello".

    • jzgplj

      Doesn't Florida have a Stand Your Ground law? I'm thinkin' I heard that somewhere, because Allen West sounds like he's threatening someone.

  • Boojum_Reborn

    OK, so if it is time for those who understand how, to govern, what time is it for Alan West?

  • Callyson

    Let's see how into the bible Allen West really is, shall we? Try this verse out:
    "But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also." (Matthew 5:39)
    Now, this is not a credible threat to commit bodily harm…just a hypothetical thought…

  • Baconzgood

    What a fuck head.

  • SorosBot

    It's visionary? I thought the plan was just the same old Republican plan to cut taxes for the rich and destroy services for the poor that they've always done. And scream about the deficit even though the tax cuts would increase it.

    • GOPCrusher

      Deficits don't matter.

      -Dick Cheney

  • Baconzgood

    Paul Ryan is a dweeb. I hate these tea party people. I wouldn't trust him to wash my car let alone make a budget.

  • MrFizzy

    You mean eraserhead.

  • Lucidamente1

    Then there's Mr. T. 5:7:

    "I pity the fool that takes Allen West seriously."

    • Tommy1733

      I don't know, he could be 2016's Santorum.

      • doloras

        Who, Mr T?

  • thumbcuff

    Would it be also be a suicide mission to mention that 'demagogue' is a noun, not a verb? And that it means 'a political leader who seeks support by appealing to popular desires and prejudices rather than by using rational argument'? Also.

  • Remarks like that will get your Wonkette commenting privileges revoked, Congressman.

  • WiscDad

    Ah pity da foo who tries to challenge me on mah support…I'll erase them with mah nappy eraser head

    • He's got the kind of face we call "high five," cuz you just wanna slap him some.

  • No. Milton was a visionary, Marx was a visionary. William Blake was a visionary. Ryan only holds a candle in sunshine.

  • dadanarchist

    Allen West: "It is time for those who understand how to govern, not demagogue.”

    Then quit, asshole.

    • GOPCrusher

      But to Allen West, anyone that points out that more tax cuts will not reduce the deficit, is a demagogue.

  • Really? We can't even point and laugh anymore at people, admin?

    (Deleted comment, you wouldn't get it)

    • GOPCrusher

      NELSON MUNTZ LIBEL !!1!1!!

  • Texan_Bulldog

    It's like Allen West looks in his mirror every morning and sees Chuck Norris reflected back. Wonder if he knows he's blah?

    • ttommyunger

      Only on the outside.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I don't know who the first person was who called the Ryan Budget a "Republican Suicide Pact" but the description is fitting.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Nothing wrong with that, so long as they stop and let the rest of us out of the car.

  • freakishlywrong

    I posted this elsewhere: As long as oligarchs are contributing hundreds of millions of dollars to the likes of Rick Santorum and Newt fucking Gingrich, the working class and the poor should not be expected to contribute one thin dime to so called "austerity". Fuck all you Kochsuckers.

    • Negropolis

      This needs to be a Post of the Week. And, if I here another fucking corporation beg for a tax break or threaten to leave their location, local or federal, I'm going to lose my mind.

  • Needs better Scripture…

    Neuman: 7:55 What? Me worry?

    • GOPCrusher

      Austin 3:16

  • Why does Allen West make every single thing he does sound like some volunteers-only mission that will leave him covered in medals and glory? "Do not question my resolve to brew a pot of coffee praised by the future generations who shall rise from slumber after me!!" "Raccoons in my garbage: clear the perimeter, lest you be reminded of the small arms and hand-to-hand combat patches I have earned in service to this great country!!"

    • anniegetyerfun

      I love you. This is incredibly accurate.

    • GOPCrusher

      He's an asshole?

    • People should really do that around him just to make him even more nutty. Especially if Wasserman-Schultz does it.

  • Gleem McShineys

    Translation: I've literally got nothing at all to say in support of Paul's crazy shit-for-a-budget plan, so I'll just threaten you instead.

  • MissTaken

    Oddly enough, I just got out of a meeting with my 7 bosses and you can bet I told them “Anyone challenging me on my support to this visionary plan to restore our economic security will be signing up for a suicide mission,”

    I'm now fired. Weird.

  • Not_So_Much

    I'd hit that. With his Hummer.

  • Allen West actually addresses all of these diatribes "To the insolent, fiery-eyed Debbie Wasserman-Schultz:" but his aides always clean up the press releases before they go out.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Can we at least all agree that it must be hard on Allen West, as he obviously has a very small penis.

    • GOPCrusher

      Heh heh heh. "Hard on"

  • hagajim

    Why isn't Rep. (Nutball) West pictured in chains eating KFC, after all,he is a blah?

  • user-of-owls

    Chuck Grassley :: Elected Ruminant
    Allen West :: Vulgar Hate-Pencil

  • OneYieldRegular

    Has anyone called the cops yet?

  • Eve8Apples

    “Anyone challenging me on my support to this visionary plan to restore our economic security will be signing up for a suicide mission,” wrote West.

    Game on, asshole. I challenge you. Now whatcha gonna do about it, pussy?

  • stncmchnc

    And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger. I bet West considers himself the foot fuckin' master as well. My apologies to Jules Winfield.

  • larrykat

    Did one of the Kid n Play guys grow up to be Alan West?

  • rickmaci

    How did a man so lacking in perspective or common sense become a Colonel in the United States Army?

    • ttommyunger

      Lieutenant Colonel. There is a BIG difference. LC means you managed to go twenty years or so without fucking up too bad. It took this moran 21 years. Full Colonel is the hallmark of a successful military career. He would have never been promoted to Colonel, in my opinion. Ass kissing? Goes without saying.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Allan West is just a wig and a housecoat away from being Madea. Is all I'm saying.

    • Negropolis

      Wooo, honey-child! Oh, no you just di'int!

  • a_pink_poodle

    Yes, I find it fairly common that when people quote Bible passages to justify controversial stuff, they tend to be very vague and lacking in relevance at least according to me.

  • “My recommendation to any detractors, read Proverbs 17:28 and heed its advice.

    It is time for those who understand how to govern, not demagogue.”

    Does this moron realize that words mean things?

    • Clearly, words like "irony" mean nothing to him.

  • Biff

    Has anyone suggested that he load up on iced tea and skittles and take a walk?

  • Allen West- the reason we called officers "Zeroes".

  • orygoon

    I actually agree with Republicans that there are areas where we could practice more fiscal austerity.

    Military pension benefits for guys charged with serious violations of the Uniform Code of Military Justice would be right out, for instance.

  • Negropolis

    What a fuckin' self-important drama queen. Honestly, who does he think he is?

    I hope his ass eventually ends up in prison where the rules of society are a bit different…

  • ttommyunger

    He and Peter King are vying to be the Rush Limbaugh of Congress.

  • mavenmaven

    I keep having this fantasy of Allen West being played by the old Eddie Murphy of SNL days as Gumby, "I'm Allen West, dammit".

  • DahBoner

    Jib jib jive talkin'…

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