WONKETTE BUSINESS DAILY  1:37 pm March 22, 2012

Etch A Sketch Company’s Stock Price Triples After Political Guy Says ‘Etch A Sketch’ on TV

by Jim Newell

When Romney aide Eric Fehrnstrom said something about Etch A Sketches on CNN yesterday, America’s children all immediately ran to the toy store to pick up their copies, because nothing moves consumer retail spending in the children’s toy market quite like a Mitt Romney aide making an unfortunate metaphor on morning cable television. And stock traders, whose job is just to make reactive whimsical trades after every mealy-mouthed central bank and cable news idiot statement within ten minutes, were quick to get in on the action: Ohio Arts, the company that makes Etch A Sketches in China, saw its stock price more than triple. Everyone’s rich again, forever!

National Journal writes:

Romney’s primary opponents and critics jumped on the comments. Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and former Sen. Rick Santorum, R-Pa., each made appearances with Etch A Sketch toys. Santorum spokesperson Alice Stewart was out handing the toys outside of an event. The DNC also pounced.

Ohio Art, OART:OTC US on the stock exchange, started yesterday at $4.00 per share and finished the day at $12.50 per share.

From there it’s a clear shot to $150.25, by next week! Let’s check on the latest price, just to ensure it’s sticking to this exponential trajectory:

OHIO ART CO (OART.PK)
9.65

SELL IT NOW.

[National Journal]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 116 comments }

Barb March 22, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Be right back, gotta buy me some stock in douche bags.

Callyson March 22, 2012 at 1:48 pm

That's a good long term investment.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Just remember to sell in November.

freakishlywrong March 22, 2012 at 1:53 pm

If assholes could be traded on the market the recession would be over.

Fare la Volpe March 22, 2012 at 1:57 pm

You can find them on the Brown Market.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 2:00 pm

October 15, I'm going short on douchebags. Just a tip

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I think they replaced pork bellies on the Chicago Board of Commodities.

nounverb911 March 22, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Ohio Arts: Another American Company proudly making its products in China.

Biff March 22, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Thanks in no small part to malwart and toys-r-us, demanding price concessions if they intend to stay in business have their products placed on our shelves.

Toys"R"Us is owned by Bain Capital, and we all know who owns the other one.

Gratuitous World March 22, 2012 at 1:40 pm

dang. knew i should've invested in Missing White Girls, Inc

nounverb911 March 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Is that Nancy Grace's production company?

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Incorporated in Aruba?

memzilla March 22, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Santorumatically speaking, let's see what Astroglide is trading at.

Callyson March 22, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Crap, the company that makes it is privately held: http://www.astroglide.com/about-us.html
There goes my IRA investment strategy…

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 1:53 pm

See, if you were a Bain Capital client…

OneDollarJuana March 22, 2012 at 2:22 pm

So, just how do you "hold" Astroglide? It's so slippery.

Goonemeritus March 22, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Once again Romney shows is awesome business acumen.

bloodandirony March 22, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Laugh all you want, Bain is probably unloading their massive holdings of Ohio Arts stock at the inflated price, even as we type.

nounverb911 March 22, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Is it time to short Romney yet?

bumfug March 22, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Wait'll they find out CNN makes predictions based on a Magic 8-Ball!

Baconzgood March 22, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Are Abortion stocks on the rise? They are talking about that alot too.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 1:54 pm

The Abortionplex is looking to refinance after Arizona insisted on movies before abortion.

Joey_Blau March 22, 2012 at 1:46 pm

volume is only 80,000 shares.. that is a thinly traded stock.

quote right now is ask 9.50 vs bid 4.26 so no one is buying…

James Michael Curley March 22, 2012 at 2:22 pm

That's not a market. That's a couple privileged white dudes pissed off at each other in a poorly run boiler room.

Joey_Blau March 22, 2012 at 2:35 pm

it trades on the pink sheets…

Tundra Grifter March 22, 2012 at 1:46 pm

If Government Sachs says "BUY!" I'm selling.

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I'm waiting to hear what Jim Cramer says.

WiscDad March 22, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Are those made in Dayton, China?

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 1:54 pm

It's spelled "Dai Tong"

HempDogbane March 22, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Next week Fehrnstrom will make an unfortunate remark relating Romney with a gigantic purple silicone dildo. Hilarity will ensue.

FNMA March 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Gotta call my broker and tell him to snatch up some Doc Johnson stock…

skoalrebel March 22, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Wow! [spit!] I read that as "Hillary will sue," and now I have a very disturbing mental image involving purple dildos, lawyers, and pantsuits. Not fuckin' cool, man [spit]

samsuncle March 22, 2012 at 1:49 pm

I had to wait for hours in line outside my local Etch A Sketch store to purchase mine.

Fare la Volpe March 22, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Bad move. You should have just waited till the Etch-A-Sketch 4S came out this summer.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 2:01 pm

No way, man, iEtchOS will fix the problem!

James Michael Curley March 22, 2012 at 2:23 pm

My iEtchOS was fixed with a couple shots of penicillin.

WhatTheHeck March 22, 2012 at 2:01 pm

The new Etch A Sketch screen is so fab, it has an eye-popping 18 pixels. The old one from 6 months ago had only 12 pixels.

Biff March 22, 2012 at 2:36 pm

It's the Gorilla Glass®.

Biff March 22, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Sounds like a corporate store. I only have access to an affiliate, and the wait was even longer.

Chill-A-Sketch March 22, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Wish my pee would've trippled too…

freakishlywrong March 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm

We have but one p to give. I gave.

FNMA March 22, 2012 at 1:56 pm

You need to drink more beer. A lot more.

Steverino247 March 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm

I e-mailed their PR person yesterday and told her enjoy the ride, but to hang on tight because tigers are dangerous to ride. She sent back something like "Can you believe it?"

Fare la Volpe March 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Every time Santorum appears on TV, stock in sheet detergent spikes.

freakishlywrong March 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Jesus, these childish assholes. What' s with the props? Supporters too stupid to understand the English? Just yesterday some twatwaffle in Wisco brought a pig to push his "no pork" bullshit. When the press caught up to him the damn thing was squealing and thrashing.. He had to run down an alley with the damn thing wriggling and screeching. (TMS)? And remember the fucking flip flops? Dumb, humorless assholes.

FNMA March 22, 2012 at 1:57 pm

You're right. Who do these guys think they are, Carrot Top?

freakishlywrong March 22, 2012 at 2:09 pm

TRMS, stupid. Hi Rach!

AlterNewt March 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Shit. I doubled down on Rockem-Sockem Robots. I'm screwed.

Baconzgood March 22, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I took a bath on hula-hoops and that ball with the handle on it that kids bounce around on.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Catholic priests????

DaRooster March 22, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Shoulda bought Rockem-Sockem-Mittbots.

AlterNewt March 22, 2012 at 2:20 pm

God DAMMIT!

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Slinkeys can only go down.

FNMA March 22, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Damn, if only I could get one of those bozos to mention my book, which has been described as "delightfully goofy," "Elmore Leonard on laughing gas" and "consistently funny, profane and gratuitously outrageous."

I'm such a whore…

Isyaignert March 22, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I'll bite – what's the title of your book and is it available on Amazon?

FNMA March 22, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I guess it's all right to do so. If not, nice knowing you all.
It's called Don't Be Cruel and yes, is on Amazon with an astonishingly low ranking.

Isyaignert March 22, 2012 at 6:40 pm

I saw your book on Amazon – there are two reviews and both are stellar! I'll have to buy your book. You should be very proud of yourself; I'm proud of you!! Congratulations!!!

I've been helping my brother with his hilarious autobiography titled "Camping on Crutches." We're almost ready to publish on AMZN.

FNMA March 23, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Thanks. It's made me a hundredaire. Suck it, Mitt.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 1:52 pm

It was only a matter of time before product placements made their way into political advertising

Data Exactly March 23, 2012 at 1:28 am

Newt Gingrich would like to take a moment out of his campaign to tell you "Lean Six Sigma!" That is all.

SayItWithWookies March 22, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I hope this wasn't intentional product placement. I would never want my peace of mind in the integrity of our political system shattered, especially while I was enjoying this refreshing Snapple beverage.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Say, I bet that would go great with my roast beef sandwich, made with real Boar's Head beef!

Boars Head, who uses only the finest ingredients available, just as we've they've done continuously for over a century. We They are proud to say that our their meats and cheeses contain no fillers, gluten, artificial colors, flavors or trans fat. We They wouldn't put anything in our their products that you wouldn't put on your own table.

That's Boar's Head.

Data Exactly March 23, 2012 at 1:32 am

When it comes to a boar's head, you start at the nose and work your way through. That's the only way to eat!

Millennial Malaise March 22, 2012 at 1:52 pm

This is kind of like when Teddy Roosevelt invented the teddy bear, except Teddy was one of the good Republicans and Mitt Rmoney is, even after 65 years on earth, still a puny, disposable tabula rasa, whom everyone pays attention to out of irony or apathy or both.

MissTaken March 22, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Can someone please compare a candidate to Lite Brite? Mommy needs a new pair of shoes.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Uuhhhhh, who?

Cuz I'd compare Obama, but he's not Lite. He is Brite, tho

BTW, I hear hooking is a good way to save on shoes.

SorosBot March 22, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Congrats you've gotten some more P-ness again.

MissTaken March 22, 2012 at 2:18 pm

I'm planning to get a lot more in a couple of weeks.

Barb March 22, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Congratulations on both of your p-ness boosts!

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Oh jeez…y'know, I was living my sex life out vicariously through you two, but no golden showers, mmmmmmmmmk?

Boojum_Reborn March 22, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Actor. P-ness. Pe-ness. Pe-nis. Penis.

Simple really, and such a small thing.

SorosBot March 22, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Aw, :)

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ March 22, 2012 at 3:09 pm

christianmingle.com?

elviouslyqueer March 22, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Mitt, now would be a good time to state that Newt closely resembles PlayDoh, Ron Paul needs to impale himself on a Sit 'n Spin, and darling Creamcup is a spokesperson for Anti Monkey Butt. Kids' retailers everywhere will thank you.

MissTaken March 22, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Sit n Spin was the shit!

Biel_ze_Bubba March 23, 2012 at 8:18 am

And the whole freaking GOP is a barrel of monkeys. What fun!

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 22, 2012 at 1:53 pm

My grandma with dementia asked for a kindle for Christmas, so I bought her an etch-a-sketch and called it a kindle. She's been reading the shit out of that thing.

Data Exactly March 23, 2012 at 1:38 am

World's. Greatest. Grandson. Srsly.

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm

It looks like santorum can't find angry birds on his iPad.

Fare la Volpe March 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I hope someone compares Gingrich to Star Wars figures soon. I've got some student loans to pay off.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 2:15 pm

It's not like he hasnt been called Jabba the Hutt for years now.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Of course, if you'd like, we could just call him Jar Jar Binks.

SorosBot March 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm

And here I thought Romney's campaign was only good for the makers of flip-flops and Skynet.

Fare la Volpe March 22, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Dog crates, also.

LiveToServeYa March 22, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Which company manufactures the Magic Underwear, Fruit of the Tomb?

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Henghs?

Biel_ze_Bubba March 23, 2012 at 8:19 am

Baynes?

Chill-A-Sketch March 22, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Willard Gekko sure knows how to fuck with Wall Street.

Texan_Bulldog March 22, 2012 at 1:59 pm

There goes Mittens creating jobs again…in China.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 23, 2012 at 8:21 am

O-hio sounds more like Japanese.

AbandonHope March 22, 2012 at 2:07 pm

In deference to their change of manufacturing location in 2001, the company was going to change their name to "Shenzhen Arts" but it just didn't focus group well.

Poindexter718 March 22, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I recommend an options play that matures around the GOP convention: Long Sept 1 OART calls struck at 12.50 financed by selling Sept. 1 KY Corp puts struck at 6.66. The trade is referred to on teh Street as a "Froth Spread":

4TheTurnstiles March 22, 2012 at 2:09 pm

How long before they bring back the Transvaginal Ultrasound Etch-A-Sketch?

helps some dudes with the masterbatin'

widestanceromance March 22, 2012 at 2:10 pm

In contrast, Skittles prices are. . .ahh, nevermind. I got no humor in me these days.

Barrelhse March 22, 2012 at 7:06 pm

I understand.

Data Exactly March 23, 2012 at 1:45 am

Starbursted?

hagajim March 22, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Insider trading!

Isyaignert March 22, 2012 at 2:13 pm

OMFG – My husband just watched Rachel Maddow's show and told me that Bain Capital (Willard's company) owns Etch-A-Sketch! Damn, the irony is getting really thick.

James Michael Curley March 22, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Bain Capital, along with Carlyle and Thomas Partners own Dunkin Donuts. Haven't had any of those sinkers for years. Got drummed off the force though.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Blue Star loves Ohio Arts

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ March 22, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Cut that sumbitch open and glitter-bomb someone with aluminum powder!

Mr Pre-Press March 22, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Wait til Mittens says nice things about buggy whips.

Come here a minute March 22, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Crap, shoulda seen that coming. Now getting ready to buy stock in the next stupid thing Mitt says.

mavenmaven March 22, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I'd hate to think of what kind of toys are associated with Santorum.

FlownOver March 22, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Our first Fleshlight™ president. Batteries not included.

Sue4466 March 22, 2012 at 2:52 pm

This is the rational market at work people.

BarackMyWorld March 22, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Romney will fix the economy by having someone go out and say the name of a different company every day.

Toomush_Infer March 22, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I dunno, trading on Etch-A-Sketch might not be such a good idea – shouldn't your broker keep a record?…

Toomush_Infer March 22, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Also -if Mitt wins the nomination, will his new general election theme song be: "I'm All Shook Up"….?

barto March 22, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Crap I bought 10000 shares on margin before finishing your story!

MaxUdargo March 22, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I'm just glad we've all accepted The Market as the only legitimate arbiter of all values. Because The Market is so fucking rational, you see.

Barrelhse March 22, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Someone should say Hula-Hoop or Thigh Master.

owhatever March 22, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Okay, Mitt, we're on to Silly Putty now.

rickmaci March 22, 2012 at 8:12 pm

What do you bet somebody at Bain is shorting Ohio Art?

ttommyunger March 23, 2012 at 9:03 am

I am frankly amazed that there is still a manufacturer; I haven't even SEEN one of those in forty years-you've got to be shitting me, Wonkette.

DahBoner March 23, 2012 at 12:57 pm

It's like an iPod, but with just one app…

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