WONKET EXCLUSIVE! MUST CREDIT WONKETTE!!!1!! Barack Obama has just arrived in Cushing, OK, to talk about energy and supporting this pipeline doohickey if it’s safe, something something algae? On his way out, he stopped to shake hands with nice lady Donna Schoenkopf, who had apparently scammed her way in by pretending to be a reporter. “I was born in the same hospital as you, Kapiolani Hospital,” she gushed, at which he stopped and turned back. “Do you have a birth certificate?” he asked her, because now he is apparently hilarious as well. She reports exclusively to Wonkette that she did not have an awesome witty comeback, but just said, “Yeah.”
From a letter Schoenkopf wrote to Obama, inviting him to something called the Pottawattomie County Democrats St. Patrick’s Day Commie-Thon and Socialiststravaganza last week, which he did not attend:
I am sure you know that Oklahoma is the reddest state in the Union and we Democrats have had a tough time of it here. But we are a feisty bunch and we NEVER give up. We thought you would like to see what it’s like in the trenches. I mean, how great would it be for you to show up in Tecumseh, Oklahoma, population 6,457, in the heart of Republican territory?
It just takes my breath away to think about it.
Our lives have taken very similar paths. I am from Hawaii, too. I was born in the hospital YOU were born in (Kapiolani Maternity Hospital) in 1943. I was supposed to go to Punahou School, too, but my dad died when I was ten. He’s buried in Punch Bowl, as your grandfather is. My mother and brothers and I moved to the States (as it was called then) in 1953.
I am a retired school teacher. Taught mostly third grade in the Inner City of Los Angeles for about twenty years. I am a version of a community organizer, too, came of age during the Civil Rights Movement, marched with Cesar Chavez, was my union rep for years, and got arrested for protesting nuclear testing in Nevada. Because I am from Hawaii, I have an intense love for the environment and even built my little house in the country in a sustainable, environmental way.
I am an ardent admirer of yours and … well, there are no words to express how I feel about you being the President of the United States of America.
Hope you can make it.
Aloha nui nui,
Donna Schoenkopf
Your liberal media at work.
{ 194 comments }
Rebecca is that your mommy?
That would make her our grandmammy.
Or our grandcommie.
:)
Is Mom going to be on The Young Turks? I never did get an answer to my wondering if Cenk smells like a yummy Cinnabon.
A card-carrying member of the Commomunist Party.
Hey! Me too! I will tell my Commieboy, he will be proud….
Yeah, it's her MOM, or she wouldn't be smiling like that.
Ahhhhhhh. Editrix paying such a subtle tribute so close to Mother's Day.
So being a commie IS genetic.
“Schoenkopf” is such a common name, like “Smith,” so the nice lady could be related to 1/2 of Wonket.
You might be thinking of Scheisskopf.
Can't be. She said "nice lady".
No relation, I suppose?
Commiegirl's Commiemommie, I think.
How cute is that?
"Aloha nui nui,"
OMFG WE WERE WRONG THE WHOLE TIME! It's Indonesian for "Good work in continuing the Muslim Communist Struggle, Comrade!"
We've been duped! The jig is up!
Dude, you're a day behind. Didn't you see where it was revealed that the hand gesture B. Hussein used in that kid's video is actually Arabic sign-language for "keep your powder dry, my brother."???
I believe you mean the 'nig' is up.
Don't re-jig in 2012!
Are we SURE she does though? Have we seen the long form?
Her last name is mighty suspicious – is it MALAYSIAN?
Bukan.
Oily Taints is on the case!
If she was born in Hawai'i in 1943, she wasn't born in America! Full investigation by Hannity & Cretins coming right up!
'scammed her way in by pretending to be a reporter. "
TALON NEWS?
Is Mr. Rove travelling with the President this week? And anyway, doesn't he prefer the "other" sort of "news service"?
And how many times has Rebecca's mommy visited the White House after hours?
No, CNN
Wait. Rebecca's mom is James O'Keefe?
As opposed to being a “pretend reporter.”
At least he treats Birferism like the joke it is.
But no fair getting your mom to help out. I'm telling!!
PATRONAGE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You libruls….
Donna Schoenkopf?? Sounds jew-ish.
But she said she'd been a school teacher, not that she was in FINANCE!!!
Yah, but that Ceaser Salad thing was a dead give-away.
Maybe she runs Hollywood. Somebody has to.
The Jooz is powerful in that one, if she can run Hollywood from Oklahoma.
"WHERE THE LAULAU IS THE KAUKAU AT THE LUAU"
Laulau is the clue to 34 Across in the NYT crossword today. Coincidence?
Oh my god. The socialist NYT is passing coded words to Muslim Surfer Terrorist cells? It's going down people. Wake up! RON PAUL AUDIT THE FED BUY GOLD
"John has a long mustache."
Did I tell you about that time I had "PALIN", "ATONAL" and "DINGBAT" in adjacent down columns in a commie NYT puzzle? True story. Will Shortz carries water.
8 Down: the combination of 4 Down and 6 Down.
Now you've been banned three times.
I seem to recall that piece of 'serendipity' too. Too bad Shortz didn't go all in and change that clue for 43 Down: "A small piece of litter?" What a big airy-fay, irly-gay-an-may he is.
He's awesome. What a job he has, too. Mrs D and I have very few rituals, but listening to the NPR puzzle show on Sunday morning is one of them, if only to hear him suppress a snicker at Lian Hansen's morning drunkenness.
"Atonal dingbat Sarah Palin" sounds like a Newellism.
The manchurian brigade has been activated. Help us jeebus.
Kau kau. What have for kau kau? If good, we all come to luau.
L33Tist!!!
and supporting this pipeline doohickey if it’s safe
Heh.
~
It's certainly a safe way to get your crude to Port Arthur for some slick tax free exporting.
St. Patrick’s Day Commie-Thon and Socialiststravaganza
This sounds AWESOME. That is what I should call my next St. Patrick's Day party. Hell, that's too far away, this is what I shall call my election watching party in November.
Hahaha, that lady had a funny name!
Shhh! So has Editrix!
Obama may have a sense of humor, but when I'm looking for big laughs, I turn to the GOP.
Meh, he reads someone else's stuff off a teleprompter. The GOP, they write their own material!
Wow, my mom never did anything cool like that, Rebecca. It was all I could hope for that she would take the wrapper off the cheese slice before making my sammich.
Your Mom made you sandwiches?
That actually happened to me once, but it was my dad.
Big Skull, once my sister Nancy had a bad cough in the middle of the night and Mom got out of bed and gave her a teaspoon of what she thought was cough syrup and it was Miss Clairol "mousy brown 203" and she had to take Nancy to the emergency room. When they got back I asked Nancy, "did you feel like you were dyeing inside?" She punched me in the face and it was worth it!
So you've been this way from a very young age, eh?
Yep, Geminisunmars.
Wow! I can't top that story, although I didn't eat soy sauce until I was 25 because my dad told me it was made out of rotten bones. My dads a lot like me in that when we don't know something we both just make shit up.
As soon as I thought they were old enough to handle it, I started snarking on my own kids, with permission and even invitation for them to snark on me. All grown up now, they could post at teh Wonkette themselves, but they have lives.
My dad LOVED blue cheese, and he didn't want us decimating his stash, so he told us it was blue because all the worms living in it had left poop trails. We were too grossed out to ask (1) why their poop was BLUE, and (2) why he was eating worm-poop. He really enjoyed grossing us out.
"soy sauce until I was 25 because my dad told me it was made out of rotten bones"
I had an aunt with a very thick New England accent who refused to eat pepper (as in "salt and…") because, "It's full of rat teard".
Why, you and your dad never told me you guys were Republicans. ;)
Yeah, but did it help her cough?
When they got back I asked Nancy, "did you feel like you were dyeing inside?"
This is why I worship you from afar.
Thanks Mozakiblocks!
My brother (Lazy Media) once quietly recommended to our mother that she not eat the beets which she had just served to herself. When she asked why, he told her that it was because he had put some of the "pink powder" in them.
The pink powder was either roach or rat poison.
Hey, that was on Law and Order-but the kid gave it to his mom to eat.
The first day I went to work for my uncle, the farmer, my mom drug her ass out of bed early to make a lunch for me. When lunch time rolled around I unwrapped my sandwiches to find that she'd overlooked putting anything on them – no meat, no cheese, no mustard or mayo. Just. fucking. bread. Bless her heart….
My mom sent me to school once with a lunch of saltine crackers and Tang. To her credit, I was going through a bit of a 'I don't like food anymore' phase, so I'm not sure if it was punishment or desperation.
Did she pass the cheese slice around to the rest of the family for them to admire it before putting it in your sammich?
My wife and her sister joke(?) that their Mom's attitude was always "So I suppose you want a birthday cake again THIS year?"
The only thing MY mom ever made me was sore.
Today we are all Schoenkopf's.
“Marched with Cesar Chavez, was my union rep for years, and got arrested for protesting nuclear testing in Nevada.”
Criminal and union thug, I’m sensing a pattern in our presidents associations.
Bill Ayers and Saul Alinsky would be so proud!
Rules for Radical Moms
Everyone knows that Hawaii is just made up, like the moon landing. Rebecca's mommy is really a secret Kenyan muslim socialist Kenyan communist terrorist Muslim! Also!
How do you pronounce that anyway?
Just like it looks!
"d AH n uh" it is then!
Ah, that photo just made me un – see Miss Lindsey Graham's rack. Well done.
Dang, Commiegirl Mommie built her own house?
How does one pretend to be a reporter? I should try that sometime…
Much easier than pretending to be a brain surgeon.
Orley Taitz is not amused.
Orly Taitz has a mom? Who knew?
Orley Taitz is not amused…
…ever.
However, she is rather amusing. As long as you're drunk enough.
She is, however, mildly amusing.
Barry effed up. He should have asked her if she had a "certificate of live birth", which we all know is not even good enough to quality for a passport. Which mine did.
He should have tried to find out if she has "Kenyan anti-colonialist attitudes", also.
Why would a Democrat – particularly a retired one – live in Okie? That is the million dollar question the media ought to be investigating.
Missionary work. She is trying to bring Democracy to the benighted. (And she is probably in cahoots with Dust-Bowl-Blues).
Maybe she IS DustBowlBlues?! The conspiracy deepens…
OMG. Wonkette and Oklahoma have been infilterated!!! (notice that the prez's name and that state end in the same letters!).
Who knew that Oklahoma was just crawling with community organizers and professional leftists? That's probably why everyone's always saying how backwards it is and that we should stay away — if they find out about this socialist paradise they'd wreck it.
And where is Dust Bowl Blues today?
Tilling the collective's freshly sprouted weed bumper.
I, for one, have never seen Ms. Schoenkopf nor Mr. Dust Bowl in the same room.
Oh, and props to Moms for being a Democrat in Oklahoma, for fuck's sake.
Seriously, she should get a medal or something.
Dustbowlblues and that other Okie commenter libel!!
I'm waiting for Drudge sirens and Ghost Andrew Breitbart to exploit this familial association by suddenly accusing Wonkette of being in the tank for Obama.
Your mom lives in Tecumseh, OK? Poor lady… You need to hit it big (translation: dump Wonkette for Vanity Fair or Gawker) & get her out of that God forsaken state.
Wait a minute, your mommy left Hawaii to go to LA and then retired to Oklahoma? I knew there was no upward mobility in the US of A anymore, but moving downward*?
*just ignore this post, Dust and OkieDokie.
Oh, Barry. Please, when you're on stage speechifying, be that guy. The guy whose so sure of his smarts that he's not afraid to be a bit of a smart-ass sometimes. Don't let that Cintonesque twang sneak in there.
I love wiseacre Barry, I would like him to be how he was at the Correspondents Dinner , when he was snarking all over Trump.
Agreed 100% is all I can say.
That has got to be the best I've ever seen him. In front of that crowd, he turned that lion into a little mouse.
He has a great, spontaneous smile. He moves with the grace most tall men never manage. He's adorable when he sings. While ridiculing Trump about the decisions he has to make, days later everyone learns that the prez had just made a decision of some importance. Although it didn't involve Meatloaf.
Yeah, yeah, we know Obama's mother had a good American birth certificate, so does yours, but do YOU, wonkette commie islamic editrix?
I was born in Los Angeles, which means I'm Messican.
Ha, ha, "Flowers for algae". I didn't even notice that the first time around, gorgeous redhead.
Snuck in there like a mouse.
He might have answered "In Kenya?" if Donna didn't bait him with the hospital name…
I'd like to adopt Donna Schoenkopf as my auntie. She sounds like a great lady.
I would like to adopt her as the mother of the girl that I'm …. um ….
I mean, auntie. Since I'm from Tennessee 'n all, auntie works just fine.
President Santorum is no doubt drafting a plan to change all Hawaiian street signs and school names to English. (And/or revoke Hawaiian statehood.)
I did a google search on the name Schoenkopf, but all I got were pics of this sexy lady instead.
Can a brotha get a DAYUM?
I'll see your DAYUM and raise you a YEEOW
Vavavavooom!
Why does that guy in the background have a Mercedes Benz emblem on his shirt?
Wait. That picture had a background?
That is the Satanic Sign Of The AntiChrist (upside down broken cross), not a peace symbol, as we were assured in Sunday School in the '60s.
FAP FAP FA… oh, wait a second.
Relax, EQ. We may be gay, but we're not blind.
God I love you and Volpe.
Feeling's mutual, lovey.
Hon, while we wait for the speaker, I'll go sit under this overhang to stay out of the sun.
I found a slightly different picture of a one eyed pirate lady, here.
http://totalbuzz.ocregister.com/files/2012/03/com…
sexy sexy…
DAYUM, Barack, you weren't kidding about the mega-knockers. If I ever pulled up a picture of her and Benincasa together, it just might tip my monitor over.
Arpaio is sending investigators to OK.
Rebecca, can awesome Commie Mom write a letter to get me out of jury duty, please?
Judging by the stains and stench, I pretty sure that the previous occupant of my chair was dismissed after giving birth in it. I'm not sure I'm up for that.
Just tell them that you are going to pee in the jury pool (from the high diving board) It always gets me excused.
He could also try drinking "mousy brown 203" and then punch the bailiff in the face.
I always bring a copy of my "manifesto" written in crayon. Works every time. And I hardly even notice those FBI guys outside my house anymore.
Thanks for the suggestions, upstanding citizens — I tried them all, but to no avail.
Looks like I'm left with no choice but to pull out the big gun…
Estimated trial duration:
FIVE AND A HALF MONTHS, ALAN!! FIVE AND A HALF MONTHS!!1
Holy crap! I was out for one month, and my client was all whining "how do you not manage to get out of jury duty". I couldn't have stood 5.5.
Civil or criminal? In other words, can you sleep through it and just hit the corporate defendant for the maximum? That would work…
No idea, though the judge did mention more than once that it was a very complicated case with many moving parts, so I'm guessing that it was almost certainly civil.
Maybe those late night mesothelioma class action commercials are finally making some headway…
Did you get picked for this jury?
Nope! They're one angry man short of a baker's dozen, hooray!
The initial pool of prospective jurors was nearly 450 peeps deep (!), which is why it took so Jesus-fucking-long for the judge to review and dismiss all of us good-fer-nuthin', life-havin', "hardship" whiners.
The only bright spot in the whole drawn-out, dreary affair was this pixxxie-sexxxy Middle Eastern "Amelie"-esque amuse bouche with perpetual puppy dog eyes and pouty smirk.
Le sigh…
Pull a Ted Nugent – why take chances?
If you have any ideas of faking crazy to get out of jury duty, just don't brag about it afterward on talk radio.
“Do you have a birth certificate?” he asked her….
Did he speak these words or use the secret gangsta mooslin hand signs like he did yesterday?
The internet is abuzz with this exclusive. WorldNutDaily headline: Obama Makes Flippant Remark To Well Connected Jewish Marxist About Birth Certificate!!!!
So, Barry came a-looking for his Donna? I kinda suspect she's not a 16-year-old virgin anymore.
Donna's proud to be a commie from Pottawattomie …
I have to say, Donna's English is pretty good for a foreigner. A little too good, perhaps.
I buried my head in a punch bowl at a frat party once
Schoenkopf? Beautiful Head? What kind of socialist name is that, anyway.
Can she remember seeing him in the hospital where they were both just born – because that would help Obama a lot.
"On his way out, he stopped to shake hands with nice lady Donna Schoenkopf…"
It was a set-up by our editrix! Danged librul media!
Wonkette is a Warblog, not a Mommie blog!!
You mean "Goodhead" is not a made-up name?
Oh God, the light flashes, the penny drops, the fapping begins…
Whoa, fanclub police, pull over! I had to check the url of this page after reading the story and some of the comments. The unabashed love for the sitting President made me think that maybe I had logged in to that horror blog DemocraicUnderground where a critical comment like mine would get me banned.
DU has never been the same since the demise of Top Ten Conservative Idiots. But the comments have always been on the lame side.
Why Obama no can Wala'au?
Schoenkopf, Schoenkopf, where have I heard that name?
OK witty come back test line #1: "No, can I borrow yours?"
'Donna Schoenkopf…pretending to be a reporter."
That worked out so well for Jason Mattera now everybody is giving it a try!
What a pleasant surprise to see OK in the headline and not be embarrassed by it. Your mom's in Pott County, Rebecca? Say "hi" to her from the other OK Democrat. The one who lives in Pawnee County.
Rebecca–I have a feeling I know your mother, or at least your mother's name.
You may. She spent her teens in Shawnee then moved to LA in the 60s. She was a Behlen then. And a beauty queen.
That's your MOMMY, isn't it, Editrix?
It's just too bad they didn't get a chance to Talk Dirty in Hawaiian!
Listen, y'all- quit the fapping, that's my SISTER. Did she mention that I'm a former Marine Sniper?
Eric, try to remember that I am a lady of almost 40. If people choose to fap, well, more power me. Also, you are not the Catholic Church and do not get to decide who faps me. However: You, sniper, duly noted.
….yeah, okay, dammit…you never let me have any fun….not that I would want to be the Catholic Church!
Oh shit, our Wonkette is a dynasty now?
How're you going to take it when chaps (or chapesses) here start fapping to you?
Eric is perfectly happy with dudes fapping to him. He is pro-everybody. Also, he works in SF City Hall, so pretty sure he's used to it.
Then he'll fit in innit.
Hmm, how to write this without sounding like a suckup? I'm seeing names in the comments which I've not seen for ages. You're obviously doing something right.
Thank you.
Actually, I'm ONE HUNDRED PERCENT oaky-doaky with fapping of any kind. I kid, because I care. Fap away, me hearties!
We generally require picture photographs as proof of authenticity.
Zackly. It's all about the (supposed) wit and making each other laugh here.
Your sis is doing a cracking job.
Dear commiebro,
Welcome to Wonkette – just to soothe your macho, savage darkie-killing soul…
tits or GTFO.
too soon?
I, for one, finally welcome our Schoenkopf overlords.
As a lowly, hoodie-wearing blah, I have no other choice when firearms are involved.
Is Oklahoma a safe place for a Schoenkopf? Doubt it.
I tried to tell her before she moved back that she would be burned for a witch, but she chose not to believe me.
Pa?
RIPPED from my chilhood!
I like that you write "Yep," instead of "Yup". Yup really bothers me.
Me too!
I keep waiting for, "Electoral ruminant Grassley" to show up. Or even the newer vintage, "Vulgar Hate-Pencil Allen West," but noooo.
I hope Lian drunk-bites his ear off next Sunday.
Or just passes out.
"I guess Lianne's not with us anymore. Name something in a given category such that the last two letters of the category's name are the first two letters of your answer. For example, given "U.S. state," the answer would be either "Texas" or "Tennessee."
Meet me in the back.
Ckonnecticut?
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