PEOPLE WHO ARE JUST DOING THEIR JOBS  12:15 pm March 22, 2012

Joe Arpaio Demands Barack Obama’s 1980 Selective Service Card

by Jim Newell

So gayArizona humiliation Sheriff Joe Arpaio has called on the Director of U.S. Selective Service System to have his agency “conduct an investigation into Barack Obama’s Selective Service registration form from 1980.” Ha! Here’s what you should tell him, Director of U.S. Selective Service System Lawrence G. Romo: No, you dumphead. Then again, Joe Arpaio did just “run an investigation” (watch granny porn in his office) for six months that very well may have proved Obama’s birth certificate is a fake, so maybe various federal government bureaucrats have no choice but to let Arpaio annoy them all day, every day, until the end of time.

Arpaio, who is the sheriff of a county police department in Arizona, “claims he is just doing his job,” according to KTAR.

Arpaio is asking for a response within 30 days. If no response is given, he will then decide if his office will move forward with its own investigation.

“While my office will continue pursuing this investigation, I have spoken of the need to enlist the aid of other agencies,” Arpaio said. “As a first step to that end, I am now requesting the assistance of the U.S. Selective Service System asking them to conduct a concurrent investigation to verify the authenticity of this document.”

Arpaio will next harass flamingos and giraffes at the National Zoo about enlisting their federal services in his investigation, and they will bite off his penis. What are they hiding?

[KTAR]

 

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{ 104 comments }

nounverb911 March 22, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Show me yours, Arpaio!

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 12:22 pm

NO!

Keep it in your pants, Joe!

Andrew Drinker March 22, 2012 at 12:25 pm

The Selective Service System wasn't created until 1917, making Arpaio several decades too old to have one.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 12:33 pm

And registration was actually eliminated in 1975, altho Carter retroactively re-established it in 1980 for men born after Jan 1, 1960. Of course, by then, Obama was already a member of Al Qaeda.

dubyatf March 22, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Arpaio mystery panties?!

JohnnyQuick March 22, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Hey what kinda name is an Rpayo? Sounds like a Mexican dish.

Arken March 22, 2012 at 12:16 pm

So basically every document about Barack Obama is fake. Maybe he doesn't even really exist.

WHAT IF OBAMA IS SAUL ALINSKY IN BLACKFACE?!

Chet Kincaid March 22, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Most excellent. Thread closed.

OC_Surf_Serf March 22, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Well, Saul is a very Mooslim name…

OneDollarJuana March 22, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Saul Al-Linsky

Sue4466 March 22, 2012 at 12:48 pm

He has to exist. Or whose fault would everything be?

Arken March 22, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Saul Alinsky!

dadanarchist March 22, 2012 at 12:58 pm

"Noun, Verb, Saul Alinksky"

Schmegeg March 22, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I bet Obama's father wanted him to be a griot.

tcaalaw March 22, 2012 at 7:22 pm

It would be irresponsible NOT to speculate!

Beowoof March 22, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Okay Arpaio, but we need to see your green card.

Designer_Rants March 22, 2012 at 11:05 pm

What? You don't HAVE a green card? That's a deportin'.

nounverb911 March 22, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Arpaio still hasn't gotten over being stripped and prodded down on Whitehall Street.

Barb March 22, 2012 at 12:18 pm

"Arpaio will next harass flamingos and giraffes at the National Zoo about enlisting their federal services in his investigation, and they will bite off his penis."

I feel sorry for the giraffe. It will take him forever to vomit said tiny penis.

BornInATrailer March 22, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Much like all of Joe's previous lovers (oh, just threw up) there will be a lot of unused throat.

hagajim March 22, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Oh Joe…you fucking card! I would think the taxpayers of whatever fuck county you are sherrfff of might just want you to – I don't know – police the fucking county you are in! Just sayin'.

Ruhe March 22, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Hurts me to dis a lot of people I don't know but I'd be willing to guess that his constituents are simply tickled with Joe's "investigation'.

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I find it hard to believe that his embarassment on a national level still gets re-elected by his constituents.

Toomush_Infer March 22, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Re-election is mostly just having people recognize your name….it's cheaper than changing it to Bozo.T. Clown….

HarryButtle March 22, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Yes, as a matter of fact, we'd really appreciate it if Sheriff Joe would just shut the fuck up and do his damn job. Between the federal investigations and the fact that he's got some real competition for the office this time around, I think maybe we can finally rid ourselves of this clown.

ChessieNefercat March 22, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Joe's fans think this investigation is awesome, and the last thing in the world his sane constituents want him to do is his version of his job; rounding up the browns, harassing and starving prisoners, ignoring sexual assault cases, etc. They probably figure everyone is better off with him fruitlessly trying to prove something that just isn't so.

realmurkin March 22, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Arizona is quite possibly our most special state.

Ruhe March 22, 2012 at 12:32 pm

A mass transit system made up entirely of short buses?

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Arizona. The Derp State.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 22, 2012 at 1:12 pm

"The Special State"

Should be on their license plates.

Pop_Socket March 22, 2012 at 1:31 pm

They sure have taken a lot of heat away from Florida which seems to be trying to up its game just to stay in the running.

AbandonHope March 22, 2012 at 2:00 pm

"Arizona: We Used to Get Nuked a Lot, and It Shows"

Extemporanus March 22, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Hey Joe, I'm currently at the federal courthouse in San Francisco, just doing my job (jury duty).

Need anything?

OneYieldRegular March 22, 2012 at 12:55 pm

A "hug" from Ross Mirkarimi?

ManchuCandidate March 22, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Barry should be impressed at the power he has. Normally Joe doesn't give a crap about illegal immigrant kids (especially the molested ones.)

elviouslyqueer March 22, 2012 at 12:21 pm

In accordance with House Rules, I will not wish death or disfigurement on anyone. But if Arpaio happens to get clocked by a wayward meteor or bopped in the noggin by a block of blue ice, I wouldn't exactly be unhappy.

MosesInvests March 22, 2012 at 1:01 pm

I think I'd read his obituary with great satisfaction.

AlterNewt March 22, 2012 at 3:16 pm

"But if Arpaio happens to get clocked by a wayward meteor or bopped in the noggin by a block of blue ice, I wouldn't exactly be unhappy."

An admirable rendering of what we might call the 'passive death wish'.

Should be perfectly acceptable..

RadioStalingrad March 22, 2012 at 12:21 pm

BTW, did OJ ever find the killer, or killers, of Nicole?

beavertank March 22, 2012 at 1:15 pm

OJ sees him daily, but never even realizes.

Fred_Wertham_Jr March 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm

He's looking for them in prison. It's a crazy plan but it just might work.

Terry March 22, 2012 at 12:22 pm

It's good to hear that that Arizona county is so darn peaceful that their sheriff has nothing to do but investigate birthers' wet dreams.

unclejeems March 22, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Well, all the stoners are in jail, and the Mexicans have been sent home. That leaves a native population of 6.

memzilla March 22, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Sheriff Joe — the three-meter diving board at the Swimming Pool of Crazy.

Psst! Joe! Maybe you could retire to Florida? I hear there's a sheriff job opening up soon.)

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 12:23 pm

I have to wonder about a sheriff so obsessed with pink.

SorosBot March 22, 2012 at 12:23 pm

He "claims he is just doing his job"? No, his job involves investing crimes and arresting the culprits; just as it does not involve arresting people for not being white, or unconstitutionally torturing prisoners, it does not involve harassing the President of the United States over baseless conspiracy theories that have been disproven over and over again.

Still, at least if he sticks to this bullshit no one is tortured. Oh and why the fuck is this sadistic criminal psychopath not in jail yet?

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Librul.

That's the job YOU want him to do!

Toomush_Infer March 22, 2012 at 3:35 pm

OK Soros – what crimes are you suggesting he invest in..? …share the wealth here…

pdiddycornchips March 22, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Sheriff Joe is a fame whore. He loves to see his name in the news. If it wasn't this, he'd be doing something else even more destructive. Obama can handle one more wingnut chasing the birf certificate fairy. Let him tilt at this windmill for a while.

ChessieNefercat March 22, 2012 at 7:21 pm

"Let him tilt at this windmill for a while."

And then can we suddenly speed up the windmill to plane propeller speeds? Hmm? (I just think it would be fun to watch him tilt really quickly! That's all!)

Terry March 22, 2012 at 12:25 pm

That photo brought a question to mind that I hadn't considered. In jail, your laundry or underwear in particular doesn't stay specifically yours? Do you wear a pair, toss it in with everyone elses, then you get clean ones that could have been worn by anyone else in the jail who is your size?

I'm frankly skeeved out by this prospect.

kissawookiee March 22, 2012 at 12:34 pm

If you want your own underwear, you should avoid being brown in Maricopa County.

DerrickWildcat March 22, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I think it's like when you buy underwears at Goodwill.

snickersnack March 22, 2012 at 9:23 pm

God, I thought the exact same thing. It just seems wrong.

rickmaci March 22, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Aren't there laws in Arizona that prevent mentally unbalanced people from having access to firearms? This guy's toes seem to be a bit over the line on that score, based on what I am reading about him.

Blueb4sunrise March 22, 2012 at 12:41 pm

No.

FraAnima March 22, 2012 at 12:48 pm

There's nothing in the Constitution about mentally unbalanced people! Keep your damn socialist hands off of my 2nd amendment rights! (and my thorazine).

MosesInvests March 22, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Jared Loughner sez no.

GunToting[Redacted] March 22, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Gabby Giffords would like a brief word with you.

James Michael Curley March 22, 2012 at 1:52 pm

She's now up to a brief sentence.

rickmaci March 22, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Mea Culpa. I forgot about Rep. Giffords' tragedy. Dumb question.

Mahousu March 22, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Arizona law currently requires mentally unbalanced people* to have firearms.


* Mexicans not included.

Toomush_Infer March 22, 2012 at 3:37 pm

It's their acceptable form of birth control…

elviouslyqueer March 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I don't see why not. I mean, they let mentally unbalanced alcoholic morons run the damn state already.

glamourdammerung March 22, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Aren't there laws in Arizona that prevent mentally unbalanced people from having access to firearms?

No, but there is a federal one.

Umbrageofsnow March 22, 2012 at 12:27 pm

You know, I always had ambitions of becoming some high-level government bureaucrat, but maybe getting elected county sheriff has more power after all. I mean, Arpaio has all the power of the FBI director it would seem, to be able to spend so much time and resources on investigating this Hawaiian-born Illinoisian in D.C..

Maybe he'd have better luck with the records he wants if he could get the county clerk of Bumfuck County, GA to lend his considerable authority too.

freakishlywrong March 22, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Thank fuck we only have to endure another 4 years and 8 months of this nonsense.

chicken_thief March 22, 2012 at 12:47 pm

I wish I was that optimistic. Somehow I see the issue being drug up forever. Every complaint about a Republican President will be answered with a knee jerk "well, at least he was born in this country!!!!"

el_donaldo March 22, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Try a size up, Joe. Those look a little small for your fat ass.

Callyson March 22, 2012 at 12:27 pm

"I'm not accusing anyone right now of any violation of law," Arpaio said. "However when you look at the birth certificate and the selective service form I think there's pretty good evidence that there's a possible forgery."
Pretty good evidence: "Hey, here's another crackpot idea to try out…"

ChessieNefercat March 22, 2012 at 7:18 pm

I looked at the birth certificate too and it didn't look like a forgery at all. In fact, it looked just like my son's. So take that, Joe.

And come to think of it, we were called haoles and not in a good way when we lived in Hawaii and i would think that if the state were handing out crappily forged birth certificates, they would be doing it to whitey, not the melting pot people.

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ March 22, 2012 at 12:28 pm

I have just won Barry's election for him. Here's how:

You remember the coffee mugs with the long-form birth certificate? Every fucking time some nimrod asks for a new thing, he should produce it, stick it on a coffee mug, and make it available for dems to purchase.

This could be his report cards, his college transcript, and his marriage license. "Collect the whole series, and commemorate the 2012 election with the Barack Obama Fully Legitimate™ Dinner Plates. Flatware sold separately."

Mitt Romney would shit a platinum brick.

AbandonHope March 22, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Which would thereby solve the deficit problem! Good thinking!

glamourdammerung March 22, 2012 at 2:55 pm

There needs to be some kind of way that if you get the full series, they connect to make a robot.

ChessieNefercat March 22, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Once you get the whole series, you'll receive a free director's cut of The Lion King, commemorating the land of President Obama's birth! (Psst, you'll have to wait for that until after the election.)
/snark

Maman March 22, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I guess Joe has done more than we know about if he is trying to deflect attention this hard.

CivicHoliday March 22, 2012 at 12:31 pm

First grade mid-term report card or IMPEACH

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Third grade dental check up!

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ March 22, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Fourth grade Fire Prevention Poster!

DerrickWildcat March 22, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Have the U.S. Selective Service System do the investigation and charge Mea Culpa County
1 million dollars.

SoBeach March 22, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I will not be the least bit surprised when this idiot publicly demands — with a straight face — a DNA sample from the President.

Ruhe March 22, 2012 at 12:35 pm

@ "self-funded-culturally-hip-campaign" on Etsy. How cute.

GOPCrusher March 22, 2012 at 12:35 pm

I'm glad Joe has things running so smoothly in Maricopa County that he has time to deal with matters that are clearly above his pay grade.
While you're at it, Joe, have your investigation find George Bush's Air National Guard records.

SayItWithWookies March 22, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Good gravy — Arpaio's gonna flog this nonsense like a rented mule, 'cause his friend Jerome Corsi ("Dr. Jerome Corsi" to his fans) finds imaginary discrepancies anytime he looks at documents that belong to the president. But it's interesting how someone who was groomed from birth to be president would have missed the simple and obvious step of registering for selective service.

If anyone's interested, I found this summary of the SSS registration card bullshit. Took me about two minutes if Mr. Arpaio wants to lay his concerns to rest.

Steverino247 March 22, 2012 at 12:49 pm

JURISDICTION, MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU SPEAK IT?

ttommyunger March 22, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Joe R. Piehole looks more ghey than usual in this pix, for some reason. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

WhatTheHeck March 22, 2012 at 12:51 pm

For your information, sheriff, Obama served in the German army in the ’30s and ’40s on account of him being a socialist nazi.

slowhansolo March 22, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Hand me my Winchester, Sam, I'm-a ridin' for Red Rock.

OneYieldRegular March 22, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Mitt Romney purposely sought out a meeting with this nut. Never forget.

mavenmaven March 22, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Arpaio knows a lot about authentic documents as he spends his whole day generating authentic butt-xeroxes on his copy maching.

James Michael Curley March 22, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Ar PAY O,
Arrrr PAY O,
Day light come,
Me want you go to hell.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 22, 2012 at 1:16 pm

"[W]hen you look at the birth certificate and the selective service form I think there's pretty good evidence that there's a possible forgery."

He's right! The signatures don't match!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DaRooster March 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm

This Joe Arpaio guy sounds like a dick.
I am truly surprised he is still "walking around".

Pop_Socket March 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm

It's never ending. After the college transcripts and the selective service card it will be a list of books he checked out from the middle school library. Er, madrassa.

GeorgiaBurning March 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Isn't Obama supposed to be a Chicago politician? Somebody in the DOJ should look up Selective Service registration and outstanding warrants (including child support) on the Maricopa County Sheriff's Department employees, especially anybody over the rank of sergeant. Or at least have GAO do an audit on how that money they gave the sheriff for "homeland security" was spent.

sezme March 22, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Just to save Joe Arpendejo the time, I never did fill out my Selective Service card. And furthermore, he can tonguejack my elephantine shitbox, unless he's into that, which he probably is.

MegPasadena March 22, 2012 at 3:39 pm

“While my office will continue pursuing this investigation, …"

Why does he still have an office?

HistoriCat March 22, 2012 at 3:53 pm

However when you look at the birth certificate and the selective service form I think there's pretty good evidence that there's a possible forgery

So has he already seen the Selective Service form or is he already drawing conclusions?

JustPixelz March 22, 2012 at 4:42 pm

The person they should be after is that incompetent Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, John Roberts. He is Constitutionally charged with administering the Oath of Office which made Barack Obama legally the President of the United States. But did he check Obama's birth certificate or Selective Service records or whether it was a different Barack Obama Jr born in Hawaii that day? Impeach Roberts.

notgross March 22, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Well, to be perfectly honest, if they have his SSN, they can go online and get his registration info (assuming it isn't blocked). I'm sure there's someone out there with his SSN (former employers, schools, creditors, landlords).

Though I doubt there are any laws that disqualify him from office, even if he didn't, so Joe isn't exactly enforcing anything.

BTWBFDIMHO March 22, 2012 at 7:29 pm

So the job description for a Sheriff in Arizona includes spending months investigating a President born in Hawaii?

Abernathy March 22, 2012 at 8:17 pm

"Arizona humiliation Sheriff Joe Arpaio"

If only the people of Arizona had enough decency to feel humiliated by Arpaio, they could vote him out of office and relieve the rest of us of our fremdschämen.

TheMeatmaker March 23, 2012 at 2:31 am

That wouldn't even be an amuse bouche for a flamingo, much less a big ol giraffe.

DahBoner March 23, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Damn! I hate it when you wash a load of whites with one single red shirt.

They always come out pink, just like Sherrif Joke's Commie Pinko shorts…

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