'NIGHT JOHNBOY  10:30 am March 22, 2012

Husband of the Century John Edwards Purchased Human Lady Flesh From ‘Millionaire’ New York Sex Pimp

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Go to jail.OH GOOD. Noted humanitarian and best guy ever John Edwards is not only seeking to make another human maybe with perfect soulmate Rielle Edwards. Nope. His name has also come up in conjunction with some sex-trafficking investigation in Manhattan, which has uncovered that he was purchasing sexxx with money during the presidential bid that was only cut short because his wife Elizabeth was about to die of horrible cancer. Ev’rybody got a warm happy feeling now? So glad.

Your Editrix will never tire of being reminded that she pooh-poohed Bammerz and Hillary as terrible moderates in the run-up to 2008, and actively tried to convince all the Youngs that Edwards was the true progressive in the race. Nope. Never tire of that at all. THANKS, JOHN EDWARDS! More importantly, though, how many Whore Diamonds do you think Edwards’ sexworker was worth?

According to “On The Inside” sources, Edwards allegedly hooked up with one of Gristina’s high-end hookers in 2007 when the dashing pol from North Carolina brought his then high-flying presidential campaign to the Big Apple.

The one-night fling allegedly took place at an Upper East Side hotel suite and was arranged by an aide with help from a New Yorker familiar with Gristina’s prostitution ring, sources said.


Records show the Edwards campaign spent thousands of dollars for near-monthly stays at the Loews Hotels Regency at 540 Park Ave. on the Upper East Side in 2007, along with stays at several other Manhattan hotels including a Comfort Inn on West 39th Street.

The Loews Hotels Regency is also where he reportedly met videographer Rielle Hunter, who bore Edwards a love child while his wife, Elizabeth, battled cancer.



Hola wonkerados.

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Doktor StrangeZoom March 22, 2012 at 10:34 am

Wonkette wouldn't even be reporting this if it involved a Lizard Person.

Barb March 22, 2012 at 10:35 am

Imagine that, a personal injury attorney who turns out to be a sleaze ball. Who could have seen that coming.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 10:45 am

I fully expect the Simpsons will incorporate him into one of their episodes, like "Hutz & Edwards, Attorneys at Law"

MosesInvests March 22, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Everybody hates personal injury attorneys until they're injured by someone else's negligence and the negligent party refuses to pay damages. Yeah, some are sleazeballs, but they are most people's only defense against corporate lawyers, who are far, far worse.

Bezoar March 22, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I will go with you on this one.

DaRooster March 22, 2012 at 10:36 am

Man, this guy just don't friggin' get it… well… he gets it too much.
What a Dirt Bag.

DerrickWildcat March 22, 2012 at 10:36 am

To be fair, I'd have to see the ladies tits before I start judging his moral character.

chicken_thief March 22, 2012 at 11:10 am

How cool would it be if the gal turned out to be Ashley Dupre?

Negropolis March 23, 2012 at 2:21 am

If they are very small, he is an angel among men, amirite? If they are very large, well, he's a slut.

ManchuCandidate March 22, 2012 at 10:37 am

"I'm no preznit, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn with my penis inside a three diamond whore's vagina once."

memzilla March 22, 2012 at 10:37 am

It's especially bad because, at the time, Newt's "How To" manual on spousal cheating was already in its third printing.

spends2much March 22, 2012 at 10:37 am

At least on the Left we mock and excoriate our Scumbags. On the Right, they tell us that Jeebus is cool with them, and we should be too.

If Edwards were a Conservative: "Gingrich/Edwards 2012: Hope and Change (In the Bedroom, Y'all!)"

Negropolis March 23, 2012 at 2:22 am

It's funny (and sad) 'cause it's true. :(

Goonemeritus March 22, 2012 at 10:37 am

Isn’t time we let the chronically loathsome come out of the shadows so they too can live full and meaningful lives.

tessiee March 22, 2012 at 11:46 am

David Duke approves this statement.

chascates March 22, 2012 at 10:40 am

Politics is all about sex and money, isn't it?

prommie March 22, 2012 at 10:40 am

He rubbed his tingly parts with lots of ladies glistening bits, BFD. When do we start putting pantaloons on the piano legs, oops, "limbs," again? Fuck is up with this moral revulsion over sexytime? Throw Mick Jagger and every other pop artist on the pyre, too, while you are at it.

HateMachine March 22, 2012 at 10:45 am

I think we can safely get mad at a guy knocking up some other lady while he's campaigning for president and his wife is dying of cancer and still avoid getting revolted by sexytime in general.

prommie March 22, 2012 at 10:58 am

I don't have that much mad to go around.

Negropolis March 23, 2012 at 2:23 am

Then you have a problem.

If you don't plan to stick to the "'til death do us part" stuff, don't enter into that kind of arrangement. Just sayin'. If bangin' hookers is your thing, that's all well and good, just try not to drag the unsuspecting person you supposedly love into the whole deal, mkay? Thanks.

sarah_connor March 22, 2012 at 10:47 am

maybe it was the fart spray?

FakaktaSouth March 22, 2012 at 10:59 am

Yeah, and what's WORSE about Mick, his old lady wasn't even too sick to throw him one when he got that other gal all knocked up. Yes. I know I am going to hell. Again. Still. But yeah, what people do to each other has ceased to amaze or appall me.

deanbooth March 22, 2012 at 7:06 pm

I've been reading Joseph Banks journal about his visit to Tahiti in 1769. The cost of Tahitian sexytime: one nail. Then some crew member stole 10lbs of nails and there was major sex inflation.

One of the more prudish crew members: So, whether fornication is a sin depends on where on the globe you are?

[Edit: My point being that people like to screw.]

Sue4466 March 22, 2012 at 10:40 am

He was just demonstrating there really are two Americas. The buyers. And the sold.

GreatChristiano March 22, 2012 at 10:40 am

Ok, he loses street cred for using "high-end" hookers.

We all know the those low-end hookers are better at acrobatics.

FakaktaSouth March 22, 2012 at 10:42 am

I too was an Edwards dupe, I thought he was smart AND adorable. As for this stuff, I guess I'm a slut AND a prostitute-defender, but gimme a high dollar hooker over a preggers videographer any day.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 10:43 am

If only he had used condoms….

memzilla March 22, 2012 at 10:52 am

As the old joke goes, a man actually pays a hooker to leave after teh sex.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 10:56 am

Wait….they're supposed to leave?

I want my condo back!

prommie March 22, 2012 at 11:01 am

Help me, I am lost in this place.

FakaktaSouth March 22, 2012 at 4:52 pm

So now I have been thinking about how I feel about prostitution all day. I think this is one of the reasons I hang out "on? or around?" wonkette (besides to talk to you of course). It gives me good thought tangents while I clean and work out. I believe that the reason I don't recoil from prostitutes is that I find it incredibly honest. I have been around too long not to know that, in general, guys want to fuck everything. I feel that's not a personal attack on me as a human, that's actually a pretty cool thing. But ANYway, I think since this fact remains – guys wanna hump everything – whether they get to act on the actual sex or not, so it's kind of interesting to contemplate the idea of how anonymous and general sex is, not ubiquitously or uniquely so for guys, but pretty prevalently. (Look at my big words about fucking, but you see what I mean?) and paying somebody (especially one who may not ever do it with you otherwise) to have sex with you is fairly straight forward. And it IS JUST Sex this way, so on a "levels of fucking around" scale, not as bad, no? I honestly believe the only reason it's not legal is because women would automatically rule the world legitimately that way.

reasonbran March 22, 2012 at 11:14 am

Hey, I don't know what the big deal is.

He would have made a great VICE president. Hehe.

I'm no prude, far from it. This isn't about the hookers, it's about putting millions of people's hopes and dreams at peril on account of yer dick, which on balance is a mighty small and inconsequential organ even if you appear regularly on Monster Cock Special. Wonkette, I feel your pain! Selling people out so compulsively and cavalierly seems pretty damn vicious to me.

Boojum_Reborn March 22, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Speak for your own dick! Have you SEEN the schlong on that man? Ginormous, I tell you!

ttommyunger March 22, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Embarrassed to admit I too, was convinced he was a good choice. I hate that… What kills me is the fact that he fell for that ugly cunt. With his money and looks there is just no excuse for that.

FakaktaSouth March 22, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I KNOW right?! Go hard or go home is no way to pick a mistress.

fuflans March 22, 2012 at 11:07 pm

i love every single one of you on this thread, but i cannot believe you were edwards babies.

(et tu ttommy???)

from the very first i thought he was a carny (and btw my bff was also totally smitten – we used to fight about this CONSTANTLY…). i was a barry girl from the first.

(course, you all could point out – to my smugness – that he too totally has feet of clay. but i'm not going to point that out for you…).

smashedinhat March 22, 2012 at 10:42 am

Too many fancy and busy hotel rooms. He should've taken a page from the book of Newt and just used the desk in his office or the back seat of a Volkswagen Beetle in a public parking lot. Just guessing at the car manufacturer but yah get my drift right?

memzilla March 22, 2012 at 10:42 am

Speaking of cheating on your spouse… I think we've figured out the real reason that Newt hasn't dropped out of the race yet.

Hey, Callista: remember how your husband met you, because that's how he's gonna meet your replacement, too.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 10:52 am

True, the race hasn't hit the pretty states yet.

Biff March 22, 2012 at 11:22 am

Callie gets dumped in Cali!

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 10:42 am


weej_bain March 22, 2012 at 10:43 am

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

Of course the attorneys will point out that was said by a Dick.

prommie March 22, 2012 at 11:02 am

It was said by a man intending to destroy society.

ShaveTheTemps March 22, 2012 at 3:41 pm

So many people seem not to know the plot.

Mumbletypeg March 22, 2012 at 10:44 am

Weigh his merits and his demerit's ad infinitum. Something about his accent always nagged me — and I've many friends from NC and spent much time there — so this may sound shallow, but "Presidential" was the last thing that came to mind while listening to him speak.

Dr. Nick Riviera March 22, 2012 at 10:44 am

Don't feel bad, Rebecca. I did the same thing. My HS history teacher told us to make sure our votes were votes to be proud of (after admitting he wasted his first vote on Nixon). *shrug* at least we didn't vote for him in the general (more than once)

hagajim March 22, 2012 at 10:44 am

Edwards was the true progressive in the race…He was the true progressive. He was truly and progressively screwing every piece of tail he could get his coiffed hands on.

Gunner Asch March 22, 2012 at 10:44 am

Seriously, ladies, tell me what it is about Edwards that seems to elude so many women's Scumbag Detectors. The first time I saw him I went "ick" but my wife, who normally is far better at reading people than I am, thought he was a fine candidate.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 10:47 am

He smells like cookies.

FakaktaSouth March 22, 2012 at 11:17 am

Same here. I hate to sound like a simpleton, but his wife was a smart equal, and she said he was great. They had a dead kid and had done a lot of charity in his name. He was first presented while standing next to John Kerry, so his looks were even more attractive by comparison (to me) and he loved the poors and actually talked to and about them. I dunno. He didn't LOOK like he had literally just pulled out of whatever lady he happened to be standing next to. I totally missed that. And I STILL like him better policy-wise than any Repub who is faithful to his wife (BOYfriends don't count, right?)

Chet Kincaid March 22, 2012 at 12:37 pm

I was always vaguely suspicious of Johnny's '70s-style, unctuous handsomeness. Running strictly on helping the poor was never going to be a winner, so there was an odd feeling that he was trying to score points without having to actually accomplish anything.

If I may critique "Two Americas": so long as bitter non-self-examiners could manage to imagine themselves as being in the "good America", that message was never going to move a lot of votes.

And maybe it's unfair and dumb that we're supposed to be voting for Presidents as a husband/wife team, but they were not a genuinely well-matched couple, whatever their mutual ambitions. Any guy who is that much better looking than his wife would have to be an extraordinary saint to stay out of trouble.

FakaktaSouth March 22, 2012 at 12:48 pm

All right, all right. I wanted to do him, whatevs. . .
I'm not foolish enough to think he married someone for their beautiful brain. (not now that I know he likes whores, oh and prostitutes) Elizabeth was way thinner and better looking before the ravages of 4 kids then cancer – hormones, steroids and chemo do a number on a gal for sure.

Chet Kincaid March 22, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Well, you are right about that, and I feel kinda slimey for having brought it up, but that's how it appeared to me.

DemmeFatale March 22, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Elizabeth was so awesome. A lot of us thought she was so great, (and insiders said SHE was the smart one), that we never questioned him.
When he was exposed, it didn't hurt NEARLY as much as the fact that Elizabeth knew he was a jerk, but went ahead anyway.
Dodged a bullet, didn't we?

BarackMyWorld March 22, 2012 at 10:47 am

Ambitious politician is sex addict.

Most religious leaders hypocrites.
Millionaires influence laws with campaign contributions.
Military devoted to protecting interests of multinational corporations.
Free market capitalist receive government aid when convenient.

Chill-A-Sketch March 22, 2012 at 10:48 am

I still think that he actually spent more money on haircuts than hookers.

Pop_Socket March 22, 2012 at 10:51 am

Hard to imagine.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 10:53 am

Do we know the sexytime didn't include a wash and blow?

Well, a wash, at any rate…

Texan_Bulldog March 22, 2012 at 10:50 am

"Editrix". Drink!

Oh and John Edwards is a dick.

Pop_Socket March 22, 2012 at 10:51 am

He should have stayed with hookers. He tried to go cheap and try the amateur talent and got stuck with Rielle Hunter.

MozakiBlocks March 22, 2012 at 10:58 am

You get what you pay for.

Pop_Socket March 22, 2012 at 11:36 am

And sometimes less.

Guppy March 22, 2012 at 10:59 am

Your Editrix will never tire of being reminded that she pooh-poohed Bammerz and Hillary as terrible moderates in the run-up to 2008, and actively tried to convince all the Youngs that Edwards was the true progressive in the race.

Would this be the same time period during which we were all salivating over a certain Alaska governor?

John Birf Society March 22, 2012 at 10:59 am

A good looking, charming guy with access to tons of money and power is likely to see his career and reputation end in a strange orifice.

Ducksworthy March 22, 2012 at 12:22 pm

"See his career and reputation end in a strange orifice." has a Shakespearian ring to it.

Terry March 22, 2012 at 11:12 am

Didn't he pick up Rielle initially in NYC, too? That city is just bad news for Edwards. He should either avoid the place entirely or stick to more wholesome entertainment there, such as a nice Gray Line boat tour.

Smitros March 22, 2012 at 11:20 am

His daddy worked in a mill, and he decided his calling was to pump.

Failed_2_Menace March 22, 2012 at 11:22 am

These ladies are sympathetic to the working class – 20% off the hauling of all ashes if you can prove you are the son of a millworker.

GreatChristiano March 22, 2012 at 11:22 am

And??? See this is no big deal at all. Presidential hopefuls should be allowed as much "for-purchase punani" as needed. It's not his fault that his, errr, wife had her little cancer-thingy going on at such an inopportune time….

Biff March 22, 2012 at 11:28 am

I attempted to stand for Edwards in the caucus, but my fellow Nevadans saw through the Charlatan and he was deemed not viable. I went over to Hopey's corner, but not without risking the wrath of the PUMAs. Now I just stay home in front of this computer, rocking back and forth while humming.

thefrontpage March 22, 2012 at 11:37 am

Everyone who's anyone stays at the Comfort Inn on West 39th Street in New York–it's known for its party reputation! Among those who have stayed at the hotel in recent years, according to its register, are: John Smith, Jane Smith, John Jones, David Jones, Jane Jones, John David Smith, Jane Smith-Jones, John Doe, Jane Doe, Bob Smith, Mary Smith, Bob Jones, Mary Jones, Mary Smith-Jones, Bob Smith-Jones, Lloyd Braun, George Vandelay, Cosmo Kramer, Mary Richards, Ted Baxter, Mike Stivic, Rob Petrie, Michael Scott, and Dwight Schute.

Chet Kincaid March 22, 2012 at 11:52 am

Uhm, his Presidential bid was cut short because of nobody wanting to vote for John Kerry's sloppy seconds, not because of his wife's cancer.

Chet Kincaid March 22, 2012 at 11:57 am

And "DNAinfo.com" is a credible news source because…?

commiegirl March 22, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Actually, it is. They're a very good blog.

Tundra Grifter March 22, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Comfort Inn, indeed!

ttommyunger March 22, 2012 at 12:31 pm

I am shocked, I tells ya, SHOCKED!

barto March 22, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Oy. Edwards. Can't remember if I donated any money to that prick. I hope not. Oy.

Sharkey March 22, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Well, as long as he didn't give her his real name, he should be okay.

rickmaci March 22, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Ok. I'm a pig. My reaction was; rich guy paying to get laid, where is the news in that-sick wife or no sick wife? At least his appetites seem pretty conventional. Now the thing with the baby momma woman still seems very strange and inexplicable…

Biel_ze_Bubba March 22, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Edwards must be one of those whoring experts that Neil Livingstone was writing about.

Thedongsofwar March 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Husband of the year, lol.

kissawookiee March 22, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Gristina may be the least appealing whore-name I have seen since the legendary trio of Pustulia, Odora, and Scabigail got run outta Laughlin.

Come here a minute March 22, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Our editrix will also be happy to be reminded that Senator Edwards also was a quitter, in that he retired from the Senate after only one term because it was just too gosh-darn hard to get anything done in that 'body'. Sure seemed like a nice liberal guy, though.

SenileAgitation March 22, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Man, and here I thought Kucinich was the progressive. Hot wife, no hooker fever either.

Negropolis March 23, 2012 at 2:26 am

High-end hookers?

What a snob!

gurukalehuru March 23, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I, too, liked John Edwards. Very Kennedyesque, I thought. Perhaps a bit TOO Kennedyesque, in the end.

ph7 March 22, 2012 at 10:53 am

You're not doing it right?

prommie March 22, 2012 at 11:03 am

The beauty of a hooker is that its even less than a one-night fling, it can be a 10-minute fling. Or so I hear. Makes sense to me.

SayItWithWookies March 22, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Really — we need to draw a line here so as not to disparage the honest one-nighter from the purchased kind. Drunk horny people have standards too. Not high standards, mind you, but some standards. Okay, they just have no money.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 10:55 am


I can't recall the last time a one-night-stand cost less than a hooker. I pay a premium for the thrill of being told "no".

FakaktaSouth March 22, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Nah, please, not slimey. It is what it is, and don't think it made him LESS fuckable (or electable) that he looked like a "stand by yo woman" man. Hence the personal feelings of betrayal amongst the former fawners among us. (Points to self)

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