NOW TAKING BETS  9:40 am March 22, 2012

Hawt Lindsey Graham-Jim DeMint Smackdown Basically Imminent

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Try and unsee that for the rest of the day.

Lame non-magical toad wart Jim DeMint just lives to annoy fellow South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham, doesn’t he? Jim DeMint ruined Lindsey Graham’s dreams of a GOP Senate majority, refused to allocate funding for some local science project that ol’ Ham Biscuits desperately wanted and then voted against Lindsey’s beloved “China you suck” bill to punish China for its currency devaluation. Neener! But because Jim DeMint can never be irritating enough, he led a Senate rebellion Tuesday against a Lindsey Graham co-sponsored amendment to reauthorize the Export-Import Bank, which caused the amendment to fail with DeMint noting that Lindsey Graham is basically a socialist. Fight fight fight!

The Export-Import Bank finances loans and credit guarantees to boost the sale of American exports (including piles and piles of Boeing airplanes made in South Carolina). The amendment, which was tacked onto the jobs bill that the House already passed, sought to reauthorize and increase funding for the bank. Translation: corporate welfare! Blah blah corporations are people now, and isn’t welfare for people universally terrible, Lindsey Graham? Now hold on a minute, sayeth the communist sympathizer:

“I would love to see a world where there was a completely level playing field and we didn’t have any kind of subsidies, but we live in a world where the amount of financing available to competitors of American companies is growing,” Graham told reporters Monday.

Nice try at some crafty nuance there, SOCIALIST. Look at that Lindsey Graham, he wants to be such a gay French. Jim DeMint is not a gay French.

“America didn’t become the world’s strongest economy by trying to out-socialize Europe with financial policy, and we won’t win the future by picking winners and losers with taxpayer dollars,” DeMint told McClatchy.

We are 600% certain that Jim DeMint has no idea what he is talking about, but the point is, are you gonna take that, Lindsey Graham? Fight fight fight! [Politico/McClatchy]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 75 comments }

Barb March 22, 2012 at 9:44 am

He's gonna slap the ham biscuits right out of his tiny girlish hands.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 9:49 am

Hm, not sure about that. Barb. I don't think they're detachable. It might hurt DeMint

memzilla March 22, 2012 at 9:55 am

He's gonna slap the ham biscuits right out of his tiny girlish hands, bless his heart.

/Southernized

Barb March 22, 2012 at 10:03 am

He'll reach into his fanny pack and get two more out, ya'll. Every luau needs a well-prepared fruit.

thedeathofirony March 22, 2012 at 12:09 pm

No one puts Ham Biscuits in the corner!

Goonemeritus March 22, 2012 at 9:45 am

They need to stop this unproductive nonsense and focus on what they have in common, like they both really suck.

ManchuCandidate March 22, 2012 at 9:45 am

Actually, well studied student of US America economikz DeMinty… you did. It's been the US American way except for a brief time during the early days of the 70s tech boom (cough Apple cough Microsoft cough.)

OC_Surf_Serf March 22, 2012 at 9:45 am

we won’t win the future by picking winners and losers with taxpayer dollars

Then stop the damn corn and oil-exploration subsidies…

Gainsbourg69 March 22, 2012 at 11:07 am

And stop funneling cash to your defense industry chums.

DahBoner March 23, 2012 at 3:00 pm

//snort

skoalrebel March 22, 2012 at 9:46 am

Catfight!

neiltheblaze March 22, 2012 at 9:46 am

Yeah, ok – but you have to realize – the make-up sex is awesome.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 9:48 am

DO. NOT. WANT!

Limeylizzie March 22, 2012 at 9:50 am

Because that thought is so disturbing I wish I could have access to the legendary downfist.

neiltheblaze March 22, 2012 at 9:55 am

Just be grateful there's no video.

jjdaddyo March 22, 2012 at 10:37 am

Rule 34

AbandonHope March 22, 2012 at 9:56 am

I think it's been long enough that the downfist is now more myth than legend. I'm waiting for the FOX shows devoted to searching for it, complete with faked downfist footage.

Grief_Lessons March 22, 2012 at 10:06 am

Downfists are now in the fifth circle, with Fillippo Argenti.

prommie March 22, 2012 at 10:10 am

Narrated by Leonard Nimoy, which means they had better act quickly. . . .

BornInATrailer March 22, 2012 at 10:18 am

What was that urban dictionary thing we learned yesterday? Etch-a-Sketch?

neiltheblaze March 22, 2012 at 10:20 am

Less corrosive than brain-bleach!

freakishlywrong March 22, 2012 at 9:47 am

I love wingnut on wingnut violence. Bitches, all of em'.

Grief_Lessons March 22, 2012 at 9:47 am

Unironic use of the phrase "win the future". Lame to power of infinity.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 9:48 am

Ooooh, will this be posted on YouTube on the BitchFight channel?

Guppy March 22, 2012 at 10:30 am

I would say that it's actually appearing on YouPorn on the LemonWrestling channel, but you already mentioned your shortage of brain bleach above…

memzilla March 22, 2012 at 9:49 am

This reminds me of every old Star Trek / Twilight Zone episode where the wily human protagonist gets the computer caught in a logic loop and its head explodes, combined with every old Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea episode where the submarine goes more than 5° off center and sparks fly every whichaway.

Whose head will assplode first?

Meantime: Slap Fight! Slap Fight! Slap Fight!

tcaalaw March 22, 2012 at 9:50 am

I was going to post something about the picture mash-up leaving me scarred, but then I noticed the alt-test anticipated that response, which would have made my crack completely lame. Curse you Kirsten Boyd Johnson!

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 9:56 am

I dunno…I mean… BOOBIES!

Pragmatist2 March 22, 2012 at 9:50 am

I think Jim is sweet on Lindsay but he just can't say it out loud.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 22, 2012 at 9:51 am

"“America didn’t become the world’s strongest economy by trying to out-socialize Europe with financial policy…"

When did banking become "socialist"?

AbandonHope March 22, 2012 at 9:57 am

You see… because… uh… and the interest rate… um… SHUT UP, THAT'S WHY.

freakishlywrong March 22, 2012 at 9:59 am

When the loathsome asshole DeMint opens his piehole. Subsidies for me, but not for thee.

Gratuitous World March 22, 2012 at 10:01 am

c'mon man – we became great by hiding our human trafficking cash in our mattresses until we need to pay the serfs to throw our Christian corn syrup holidays.

Callyson March 22, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Right around the time we gave bankers handouts for failure–I mean, bailouts so they would not destroy the economy even more than they already did.

Negropolis March 23, 2012 at 3:43 am

Suffice it to say, DeMint's answer to that would be sprinkled with the word "Jew" a few dozen times.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 9:51 am

[W]e won’t win the future by picking winners and losers with taxpayer dollars

So we can suspend the oil subsidies, and the corn subsidies, and the "subsidies because the CEO is a major Republican contributor" subsidies and the "subsidies for the dog grooming business my secretary opened with the blackmail money and he still hasn't given the videotape back, the bitch" subisidies?

FlownOver March 22, 2012 at 9:54 am

It's anticipated the matter of your last cited subsidy can be resolved in a quiet room.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 9:57 am

Not if he wants to expand to a second store…

ManchuCandidate March 22, 2012 at 9:57 am

How do you think the Duponts made their fortune? Or Exxon? US Steel? Sheer hard work? Hahahahahahahahaha!

FlownOver March 22, 2012 at 9:51 am

If James Carville were alive he could say something very southern and clever about this.

Beowoof March 22, 2012 at 9:54 am

Don't worry DeMint I am sure the socialist in Europe will capitalize on the socialist opportunity to secure jobs for European workers at Airbus. Yeah laissez faire capitalism.

weej_bain March 22, 2012 at 9:58 am

Silly Grasshopper, Lindsey will crème DeMint(he).

Barb March 22, 2012 at 10:09 am

In a mudslide.

chicken_thief March 22, 2012 at 10:41 am

DeMint(he) is green with envy.

prommie March 22, 2012 at 10:04 am

I have been reading about that there French Revolution; I always had the impression it was a violent insurrection, a war, rebellion storming the Bastille and all that. Turns out, with the exception of a riot here and there, it wasn't. It was the gradual accumulation of power by a couple of political parties, Jacobins and Girondists, who then passed laws implementing their revolutionary goals. Revolutionary inasmuch as they wanted to make great changes to the existing system. Thats the same thing these republicans are doing. The reign of terror begins when they outlaw their opposition. People like Ann Coulter, who publicly call for the criminalization of liberalism, are the Dantons, who was himself just a polemicist.

actor212 March 22, 2012 at 10:06 am

Say, you sound like you've had some edumacayshun….what else you learnt?

prommie March 22, 2012 at 10:17 am

Never add water to acid.

Sharkey March 22, 2012 at 10:13 am

Now that you mention it, the French Revolution was kind of gay.

Guppy March 22, 2012 at 10:33 am

Were the trundles BeDazzled?

lefty74 March 22, 2012 at 10:05 am

That picture creeps me out.

chicken_thief March 22, 2012 at 11:05 am

Dittos. The thought of Ham Biscuits having nice hooters does not compute.

BarackMyWorld March 22, 2012 at 10:09 am

"America didn’t become the world’s strongest economy by trying to out-socialize Europe with financial policy…"

Why, I'm now beginning to question how much American history the wingnuts actually know!

chascates March 22, 2012 at 10:11 am

Tennessee Williams would have made a great play out of this.

weej_bain March 22, 2012 at 10:24 am

Shat on a Hot Tin Roofie?

Sue4466 March 22, 2012 at 10:19 am

“America didn’t become the world’s strongest economy by trying to out-socialize Europe with financial policy, and we won’t win the future by picking winners and losers with taxpayer dollars."

"We also did it by deploying our military to secure foreign markets and ensure our access to resources, buddy. Big difference."

Barb March 22, 2012 at 10:22 am

Do you get the feeling that every time the kids wanted to play cowboys and Indians, Lindsey wanted to be Pocahantas?

weej_bain March 22, 2012 at 10:25 am

The coffee is strong in New Mexico.

Barb March 22, 2012 at 10:38 am

Morning Weej!

DahBoner March 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Pocahanas?

Why…I just met her!

LiveToServeYa March 22, 2012 at 10:23 am

Well, Graham-Mint is some kind of cookie sandwich, yes?

OobyDoobyDoo March 22, 2012 at 10:26 am

That'll replace the whale in my nightmares! Thanks Wonkette!

Mumbletypeg March 22, 2012 at 10:27 am

KBJ's cracking wise about this conniption fit bbetween deepfried southern stogies is enough to make me reconsider what I missed about Mournings in America.. Laughter is the better way to start off the day.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 22, 2012 at 10:38 am

OK, but what if we agree to include a requirement that Boeing executives have to take a drug test? Will you allow it then, Jim? What? Only if you can watch???

chicken_thief March 22, 2012 at 10:47 am

Boosting the sale of exports would cause an increase in sales of US products. Which might lead to businesses expanding, which would not only demand hiring but also may expand the tax base.

Who the fuck wants THAT?! I'm with you, Jimmy – smack Walnut's bitch down!!!

seppdecker March 22, 2012 at 10:51 am

We won’t win the future…

I thought DeMint was still trying to win the War of Northern Aggression.

Deportably_Jose March 22, 2012 at 10:59 am

America didn’t become the world’s strongest economy by trying to out-socialize Europe with financial policy

Actually, it kinda did, since America's response to the financial crisis involved a meagre attempt at fiscal stimulus coupled with a couple of futile attempts at expansionary monetary policy, while Europe responded by demanding gouging austerity measures that perversely prolonged and deepened the downturn.

But hey, whatever, socialism, amiright?

chicken_thief March 22, 2012 at 11:02 am

You and those librul facts… *shakes head*… what part of Kenyan Muslin don't you understand, sheeple?!!

mrblifil March 22, 2012 at 11:10 am

Fortunately for us, they are both white.

WiscDad March 22, 2012 at 11:15 am

"world’s strongest economy"? Since when?

dadanarchist March 22, 2012 at 11:56 am

I've got my fingers crossed this leads to civil war – in South Carolina. Because fuck those people.

Slim_Pickins March 22, 2012 at 12:02 pm

You can use gibberish to justify anything. ANYTHING

Mr Pre-Press March 22, 2012 at 12:39 pm

the dewlaps and jowls will not stand, dude.

ttommyunger March 22, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Hmmmm. Nice tits! I'm beginning to understand the appeal of Miss Lindsay.

glamourdammerung March 22, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I hate those fights where both sides are simply awful excuses for people.

DahBoner March 23, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Well dip him in flour and ya got a skank biscuit…

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