WACKY TIMES MAN  3:07 pm March 21, 2012

Everyone Is Playing With Etch A Sketches, Because of Politics!

by Jim Newell

I... I don't get itRomney guy Eric Fehrnstrom sure made a funny when he went on television today and said of the general election, “It’s almost like an Etch A Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all of over again.” What an IDIOT. Now everyone is making mean jokes about the Etch A Sketch children’s toy, on Twitter and TwitPixxx. Look at Rick Santorum in the car there, playing with his Mitt Romney gaffe toy, and not enjoying it at all. Ol’ Newt is playing with the drawing machine too! Oh, these wiseacres.

Check out Fathead here, who brings his sticker-clad Etch A Sketch on all campaign trips. How else is one supposed to kill time on the bus after exhausting the entire Internet’s worth of pornography?

This election is now Newt Gingrich’s to lose, again.

[Images via Matt Beynon and Ginger Gibson]

 
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{ 96 comments }

DrunkIrishman March 21, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Mitt Romney has made more gaffes than he has houses…and that's saying something.

johnnymeatworth March 21, 2012 at 3:11 pm

And lose Newt will….

Barb March 21, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Newt's PAC couldn't afford an iPad.

iburl March 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Well, they had one, and he accidentally ate it.

actor212 March 21, 2012 at 3:22 pm

That's why Adelson brought him an iPac

Mumbletypeg March 21, 2012 at 3:11 pm

"Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Fulfills Self."

ChernobylSoup March 21, 2012 at 3:12 pm

What other plaything combines shakiness and knobs?

actor212 March 21, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Ann Romney?

I mean, it can't be Karen Santorum cuz she's flatter than a carpenter's dream, and I've never seen Callista's breasteses because I can't tear my eyes away from her polished alabaster complexion, which simply can't occur in nature.

Baconzgood March 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm

All I'm going to say is that it's under my belt.

BornInATrailer March 21, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Audrey Hepburn?

(too soon?)

nonbeliever7 March 21, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I think…maybe…you mean Katherine. But both were spunky beauties in their time. Some other old person can insert the Lou Grant joke here.

IceCreamEmpress March 21, 2012 at 4:01 pm

I hate spunk!

BornInATrailer March 21, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Oh of course I meant Katharine. I blame the public schools.

Tilley March 21, 2012 at 3:23 pm

dildoes?

IceCreamEmpress March 21, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Oo, I know! I know!

The Republican Party. It's shaky as fuck and everyone in it is a knob.

Beetagger March 21, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Michael J. Fox?

RadioStalingrad March 22, 2012 at 12:23 am

Women on contraception?

DaRooster March 21, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Uh… are those stairs going up or down?

vtxmcrider March 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm

If they are Republican stairs, they're going down. If they are Republican male congressional lips, they are also going down, usually in a men's room.

WiscDad March 21, 2012 at 3:13 pm

"Mitt Romney gaffe toy"? That sounds dirty

Nostrildamus March 21, 2012 at 3:52 pm

"Mitt Romney's Erotic Emporium" is America's least visited store.

Clancy_Pants March 21, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Rick is using his right hand to fiddle with the left hand knob? That's gotta tell you something.

Fare la Volpe March 21, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Santorum's right hand is better at handling all kinds of knobs.

OneYieldRegular March 21, 2012 at 4:11 pm

He probably gave up mere moments later when the only thing he could draw was a flatline.

Can you imagine Rick Perry with one of these things?

BaldarTFlagass March 21, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Well, the Spirograph is a little too complex for Newt.

actor212 March 21, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Damn you, sir. Damn you to heck!

DaRooster March 21, 2012 at 3:18 pm

He gets tripped up at the colored pens.

actor212 March 21, 2012 at 3:15 pm

In fairness, neither Santorum nor Gingrich has the manual dexterity for anything more challenging, like shoelaces.

dadanarchist March 21, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Gingrich seems pretty adept at getting his zipper open.

actor212 March 21, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I thought that was Callista's chore.

OneYieldRegular March 21, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Whatever else one might say about it, this is going to earn Etch-A-Sketch's PR manager one huge promotion.

actor212 March 21, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Really? You think people want their kids playing with a toy that challenges a moron?

OneYieldRegular March 21, 2012 at 4:02 pm

No, but morons will want their kids playing with a toy that challenges a moron, so: capitali$m.

Baconzgood March 21, 2012 at 3:15 pm

This is good news for Ohio Arts.

tihond March 21, 2012 at 3:32 pm

THIS IS GREAT NEWS! FOR OHIO ARTS!

SorosBot March 21, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Newt's campaign is like Legos – broken and scattered in pieces all over the floor, but they still be annoying if you step on them.

DaRooster March 21, 2012 at 3:19 pm

And stepping in Santorum is quite annoying.

BarackMyWorld March 21, 2012 at 5:48 pm

That's the best metaphor ever.

fuflans March 21, 2012 at 10:39 pm

god that's funny.

DaRooster March 21, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I knew there was something sketchy about Santorum…

(bah-dum-dum)

dadanarchist March 21, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Jebus H. Tebow! Put a warning label on that Newt "picture." Staring into his chins too long could result in death.

Tilley March 21, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Below the belt ain't lookin' too good, neither. Always suspected Newt was a grape-smuggler.

sullivanst March 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Even if you're not staring at the chins, it won't take long before you're blinded by the white.

Loaded_Pants March 21, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Close your eyes & you still see him!

bagofmice March 21, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Blinded by the white you know I'd rather be, I'd rather be thiiiiiiiin.

Tundra Grifter March 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Remember in "Elf" when Buddy drew the Mona Lisa on his Etch-a-Sketch?

emmelemm March 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Good alt-text, man.

Mumbletypeg March 21, 2012 at 3:18 pm

From urbandictionary:

"Etch-a-sketch – When used as a verb, it can mean to rock one's head forcefully back and forth in an effort to erase a supremely unpleasant thought or memory.

Today* we are all etch-a-sketchers.

*Here on wonkette, with the goat rodeo of twatwafflery that's brought to our attention almost daily, might as well make that "Every day."

bagofmice March 21, 2012 at 5:16 pm

It's a regular headbanger's ball.

slowhansolo March 21, 2012 at 3:18 pm

They're twiddling while Rome burns.

Baconzgood March 21, 2012 at 3:19 pm

I once saw an Art Show (Baltimore? Phili? Boston?) where the artist did really great pieces on etch a sketches (landscapes, still lifes, portraits etc). It took all my effort to keep from yanking them off the wall and shaking them.

Gratuitous World March 21, 2012 at 3:19 pm

sheldon adelson also owns an off-brand Etch-a-Sketch named Newt Gingrich

cheetojeebus March 21, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Obama's etch a sketch has 5 knobs and draws in 3D, mutha fukkas!

Geminisunmars March 21, 2012 at 3:39 pm

In color.

AbandonHope March 21, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Okay, I get it now. The first three knobs are for the X, Y, and Z dimensions; the fourth knob is for the color; and the fifth knob is for time travel!

bagofmice March 21, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Technically, if you are plotting on a 2d surface you are going to need x and y for addressing, r, g, b, a for color and transparency.

AbandonHope March 21, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Not necessarily, if you use HSV color space instead, and assume that saturation and value are constant (i.e. it can only draw in bright rainbow colors, which all of us gay commit libruls love).

Isyaignert March 22, 2012 at 2:23 am

K'na!

Callyson March 21, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Just when the Frothy Mix was pulling ahead in the race for the most gaffes…

Wonderthing March 21, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Since the Republicans seem to want to compare themselves to sixties toys, perhaps that explains why they're all Vac-U-Formed.

dubyatf March 21, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Judging from his slack-jawed expression, he's REALLY concentrating on how to operate it. Seriously-that's the same look my dad used to have on his face when he was studying for a quantum mechanics exam (also, I saw the same look the summer I was 14 and he was reading a book called "Understanding Your Teenager.").

memzilla March 21, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Looks like Newt's on his third Etch-A-Sketch.

DaRooster March 21, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Whoever heard of one handed etch a sketch?

Chillatte March 21, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Etch-A-Sketches, how the fuck do they work?

BaldarTFlagass March 21, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Alt Alt text: "Where's the on/off button?"

Chillatte March 21, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Newt marriage licenses were all done on an Etch-A-Sketches.

actor212 March 21, 2012 at 3:25 pm

And signed in disappearing ink.

Chillatte March 21, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Damn it, you replied before I got a chance to correct all the errors. Now I look like a Bretibart blogger!

BaldarTFlagass March 21, 2012 at 3:26 pm

From the wiki: "Etch a Sketch was manufactured in Bryan, Ohio until the company moved the manufacturing plant to Shenzhen, China in 2001."

Jerbz!!!

hagajim March 21, 2012 at 3:30 pm

This is Mittens' ploy to get them to reshore their jerbz….once he and his cronies cut the holy hell out of their workforce and leverage debt them into several bankruptcies.

ChernobylSoup March 21, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Let me guess… Bain Capital was involved?

Steverino247 March 21, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Well, at least they lasted that long. Everybody else left in the 90's

hagajim March 21, 2012 at 3:29 pm

I figure I'll just shake the shit out of my computer tonight and all this Etch-A-Sketch stuff will be wiped clean.

Baconzgood March 21, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Newt's is all Blinged out. That Tiffany's account is paying off!

Nostrildamus March 21, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I just want to shake them all.

Andrew Drinker March 21, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Newt Gingrich's speech: "Look here, I'm still running, even though I'm messing around with an Etch-A-Sketch! You can't make me drop out! Nah nah nah-nah nah! I'm going to play Jacks next followed by a rousing game of Drunken Yahtzee! with Callista later, all while gaining a few delegates here and there just to piss off that Santorum guy! Haha! He may have a successful marriage and many children with the same wife, but I can keep him from getting delegates! Neener neener Rick's a Weiner! Look, I can draw a pee-pee on my Etch-A-Sketch!"

tihond March 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Meanwhile, Santorum's campaign manager described his position as "as firm as a Butt Plug."

actor212 March 21, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Knobs turn right, knobs turn left.

You can't explain it!

PeaceWithHonor March 21, 2012 at 3:44 pm

It's like that old gag: Did I say that out loud? Only it happens whenever a Romney partisan opens his or her mouth. They should try doing the campaign in sign language. American sign language, of course.

FakaktaSouth March 21, 2012 at 3:49 pm

When anything you do ends in ceding the moral high ground to Newt Gingrich, you are so screwed. Wear it out Rick. Tell everybody. All this does is make it even MORE likely that would be Mitt voters here just stay home. Identity voters DO NOT like this, because even THEY know this makes THEM look stupid. (A time when having your base REALLY think "I'm you" works against them) EVEN THESE GUYS down here WILL NOT apologize for this. They LOVE standing FOR something – usually really stupid things against their own interests, but they LOVE soundbite presidents. They will sit it out.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 21, 2012 at 3:49 pm

During what day of the Republican Convention due the put Gov. Romney in a giant machine and shake him to reset? 'Cause I would watch that.

Although, I always assumed on Romney there was a little hole in him where you just shoved a paperclip in to reset.

pinkocommi March 21, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Of course, Santorum likes Etch-A-Sketch only because – as he is against masturbation – he has so much free time on his hands. And free hands.

Nostrildamus March 21, 2012 at 3:58 pm

These guys were all created in a Thing-Maker.

IceCreamEmpress March 21, 2012 at 4:03 pm

If you make a Jiggle, it might make you giggle! If you vote for a Jiggle, it might make you barf!

Beowoof March 21, 2012 at 4:06 pm

That was the most irritating toy ever, and it is the perfect fit for the most irritating candidates ever.

Loaded_Pants March 21, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I never could draw shit on those things.

cheetojeebus March 21, 2012 at 4:09 pm

The republican primary will soon be best illustrated by a panel from "Family Circus"

Antispandex March 21, 2012 at 4:17 pm

As you may have guessed from my screen name, I have always been interested in the blend of philosophy and physics (hence my aversion to all things stretchy, as they may snap back), so I have been wondering about this thing we call “Newt”. Do we change Newt by observing Newt? Is Newt dependent upon an observer for his “Newtness”? Most importantly, would Newt cease to be Newt, if we ceased to observe Newt? I, for one, am willing to make the experiment. Wish me luck.

Aridzona March 21, 2012 at 4:36 pm

A welcomed change. I was getting tired of watching Santorum play with his Lincoln Logs.

rickmaci March 21, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Mitt Romoney. Mr. Gaff-O-Matic.

Mr Pre-Press March 21, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Mitt's not getting any bars on his.

Gleem McShineys March 21, 2012 at 5:46 pm

WHAT PLAYFUL SHENANIGANS, YOU SCAMPS!

Translation: Fuck off, you fucking fucks.

bumfug March 21, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Rick doesn't like the Etch-A-Sketch 'cause when you shake it, it's too much like *blush* oh, you know…

rocktonsam March 21, 2012 at 10:09 pm

"Bart, write the word Kent Brockman said on the etch-a-sketch."

"BREAK IT BREAK IT WON'T ERASE!1!"

Warpde March 21, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Fuck Etch A Sketch.
Bring back Silly Putty.

ttommyunger March 21, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Alt text: "G-22………G-22…….

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