wacky times man

Everyone Is Playing With Etch A Sketches, Because of Politics!

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I... I don't get itRomney guy Eric Fehrnstrom sure made a funny when he went on television today and said of the general election, “It’s almost like an Etch A Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all of over again.” What an IDIOT. Now everyone is making mean jokes about the Etch A Sketch children’s toy, on Twitter and TwitPixxx. Look at Rick Santorum in the car there, playing with his Mitt Romney gaffe toy, and not enjoying it at all. Ol’ Newt is playing with the drawing machine too! Oh, these wiseacres.

Check out Fathead here, who brings his sticker-clad Etch A Sketch on all campaign trips. How else is one supposed to kill time on the bus after exhausting the entire Internet’s worth of pornography?

This election is now Newt Gingrich’s to lose, again.

[Images via Matt Beynon and Ginger Gibson]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

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  • DrunkIrishman

    Mitt Romney has made more gaffes than he has houses…and that's saying something.

  • johnnymeatworth

    And lose Newt will….

  • Barb

    Newt's PAC couldn't afford an iPad.

    • iburl

      Well, they had one, and he accidentally ate it.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      That's why Adelson brought him an iPac

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Fulfills Self."

  • ChernobylSoup

    What other plaything combines shakiness and knobs?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Ann Romney?

      I mean, it can't be Karen Santorum cuz she's flatter than a carpenter's dream, and I've never seen Callista's breasteses because I can't tear my eyes away from her polished alabaster complexion, which simply can't occur in nature.

    • Baconzgood

      All I'm going to say is that it's under my belt.

    • BornInATrailer

      Audrey Hepburn?

      (too soon?)

      • nonbeliever7

        I think…maybe…you mean Katherine. But both were spunky beauties in their time. Some other old person can insert the Lou Grant joke here.

        • IceCreamEmpress

          I hate spunk!

        • BornInATrailer

          Oh of course I meant Katharine. I blame the public schools.

    • Tilley

      dildoes?

    • IceCreamEmpress

      Oo, I know! I know!

      The Republican Party. It's shaky as fuck and everyone in it is a knob.

    • Beetagger

      Michael J. Fox?

    • RadioStalingrad

      Women on contraception?

  • DaRooster

    Uh… are those stairs going up or down?

    • vtxmcrider

      If they are Republican stairs, they're going down. If they are Republican male congressional lips, they are also going down, usually in a men's room.

  • WiscDad

    "Mitt Romney gaffe toy"? That sounds dirty

    • Nostrildamus

      "Mitt Romney's Erotic Emporium" is America's least visited store.

  • http://wonkette.com Clancy_Pants

    Rick is using his right hand to fiddle with the left hand knob? That's gotta tell you something.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Santorum's right hand is better at handling all kinds of knobs.

    • OneYieldRegular

      He probably gave up mere moments later when the only thing he could draw was a flatline.

      Can you imagine Rick Perry with one of these things?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, the Spirograph is a little too complex for Newt.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Damn you, sir. Damn you to heck!

    • DaRooster

      He gets tripped up at the colored pens.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    In fairness, neither Santorum nor Gingrich has the manual dexterity for anything more challenging, like shoelaces.

    • dadanarchist

      Gingrich seems pretty adept at getting his zipper open.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I thought that was Callista's chore.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Whatever else one might say about it, this is going to earn Etch-A-Sketch's PR manager one huge promotion.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Really? You think people want their kids playing with a toy that challenges a moron?

      • OneYieldRegular

        No, but morons will want their kids playing with a toy that challenges a moron, so: capitali$m.

  • Baconzgood

    This is good news for Ohio Arts.

    • tihond

      THIS IS GREAT NEWS! FOR OHIO ARTS!

  • SorosBot

    Newt's campaign is like Legos – broken and scattered in pieces all over the floor, but they still be annoying if you step on them.

    • DaRooster

      And stepping in Santorum is quite annoying.

    • BarackMyWorld

      That's the best metaphor ever.

    • fuflans

      god that's funny.

  • DaRooster

    I knew there was something sketchy about Santorum…

    (bah-dum-dum)

  • dadanarchist

    Jebus H. Tebow! Put a warning label on that Newt "picture." Staring into his chins too long could result in death.

    • Tilley

      Below the belt ain't lookin' too good, neither. Always suspected Newt was a grape-smuggler.

    • sullivanst

      Even if you're not staring at the chins, it won't take long before you're blinded by the white.

      • Loaded_Pants

        Close your eyes & you still see him!

      • bagofmice

        Blinded by the white you know I'd rather be, I'd rather be thiiiiiiiin.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Remember in "Elf" when Buddy drew the Mona Lisa on his Etch-a-Sketch?

  • emmelemm

    Good alt-text, man.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    From urbandictionary:

    "Etch-a-sketch – When used as a verb, it can mean to rock one's head forcefully back and forth in an effort to erase a supremely unpleasant thought or memory.

    Today* we are all etch-a-sketchers.

    *Here on wonkette, with the goat rodeo of twatwafflery that's brought to our attention almost daily, might as well make that "Every day."

    • bagofmice

      It's a regular headbanger's ball.

  • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    They're twiddling while Rome burns.

  • Baconzgood

    I once saw an Art Show (Baltimore? Phili? Boston?) where the artist did really great pieces on etch a sketches (landscapes, still lifes, portraits etc). It took all my effort to keep from yanking them off the wall and shaking them.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    sheldon adelson also owns an off-brand Etch-a-Sketch named Newt Gingrich

  • cheetojeebus

    Obama's etch a sketch has 5 knobs and draws in 3D, mutha fukkas!

    • Geminisunmars

      In color.

    • AbandonHope

      Okay, I get it now. The first three knobs are for the X, Y, and Z dimensions; the fourth knob is for the color; and the fifth knob is for time travel!

      • bagofmice

        Technically, if you are plotting on a 2d surface you are going to need x and y for addressing, r, g, b, a for color and transparency.

        • AbandonHope

          Not necessarily, if you use HSV color space instead, and assume that saturation and value are constant (i.e. it can only draw in bright rainbow colors, which all of us gay commit libruls love).

    • Isyaignert

      K'na!

  • Callyson

    Just when the Frothy Mix was pulling ahead in the race for the most gaffes…

  • Wonderthing

    Since the Republicans seem to want to compare themselves to sixties toys, perhaps that explains why they're all Vac-U-Formed.

  • dubyatf

    Judging from his slack-jawed expression, he's REALLY concentrating on how to operate it. Seriously-that's the same look my dad used to have on his face when he was studying for a quantum mechanics exam (also, I saw the same look the summer I was 14 and he was reading a book called "Understanding Your Teenager.").

  • memzilla

    Looks like Newt's on his third Etch-A-Sketch.

  • DaRooster

    Whoever heard of one handed etch a sketch?

  • http://wonkette.com Chillatte

    Etch-A-Sketches, how the fuck do they work?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Alt Alt text: "Where's the on/off button?"

  • http://wonkette.com Chillatte

    Newt marriage licenses were all done on an Etch-A-Sketches.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      And signed in disappearing ink.

      • http://wonkette.com Chillatte

        Damn it, you replied before I got a chance to correct all the errors. Now I look like a Bretibart blogger!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    From the wiki: "Etch a Sketch was manufactured in Bryan, Ohio until the company moved the manufacturing plant to Shenzhen, China in 2001."

    Jerbz!!!

    • hagajim

      This is Mittens' ploy to get them to reshore their jerbz….once he and his cronies cut the holy hell out of their workforce and leverage debt them into several bankruptcies.

    • ChernobylSoup

      Let me guess… Bain Capital was involved?

    • Steverino247

      Well, at least they lasted that long. Everybody else left in the 90's

  • hagajim

    I figure I'll just shake the shit out of my computer tonight and all this Etch-A-Sketch stuff will be wiped clean.

  • Baconzgood

    Newt's is all Blinged out. That Tiffany's account is paying off!

  • Nostrildamus

    I just want to shake them all.

  • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

    Newt Gingrich's speech: "Look here, I'm still running, even though I'm messing around with an Etch-A-Sketch! You can't make me drop out! Nah nah nah-nah nah! I'm going to play Jacks next followed by a rousing game of Drunken Yahtzee! with Callista later, all while gaining a few delegates here and there just to piss off that Santorum guy! Haha! He may have a successful marriage and many children with the same wife, but I can keep him from getting delegates! Neener neener Rick's a Weiner! Look, I can draw a pee-pee on my Etch-A-Sketch!"

  • tihond

    Meanwhile, Santorum's campaign manager described his position as "as firm as a Butt Plug."

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Knobs turn right, knobs turn left.

    You can't explain it!

  • PeaceWithHonor

    It's like that old gag: Did I say that out loud? Only it happens whenever a Romney partisan opens his or her mouth. They should try doing the campaign in sign language. American sign language, of course.

  • FakaktaSouth

    When anything you do ends in ceding the moral high ground to Newt Gingrich, you are so screwed. Wear it out Rick. Tell everybody. All this does is make it even MORE likely that would be Mitt voters here just stay home. Identity voters DO NOT like this, because even THEY know this makes THEM look stupid. (A time when having your base REALLY think "I'm you" works against them) EVEN THESE GUYS down here WILL NOT apologize for this. They LOVE standing FOR something – usually really stupid things against their own interests, but they LOVE soundbite presidents. They will sit it out.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    During what day of the Republican Convention due the put Gov. Romney in a giant machine and shake him to reset? 'Cause I would watch that.

    Although, I always assumed on Romney there was a little hole in him where you just shoved a paperclip in to reset.

  • pinkocommi

    Of course, Santorum likes Etch-A-Sketch only because – as he is against masturbation – he has so much free time on his hands. And free hands.

  • Nostrildamus

    These guys were all created in a Thing-Maker.

  • IceCreamEmpress

    If you make a Jiggle, it might make you giggle! If you vote for a Jiggle, it might make you barf!

  • Beowoof

    That was the most irritating toy ever, and it is the perfect fit for the most irritating candidates ever.

    • Loaded_Pants

      I never could draw shit on those things.

  • cheetojeebus

    The republican primary will soon be best illustrated by a panel from "Family Circus"

  • Antispandex

    As you may have guessed from my screen name, I have always been interested in the blend of philosophy and physics (hence my aversion to all things stretchy, as they may snap back), so I have been wondering about this thing we call “Newt”. Do we change Newt by observing Newt? Is Newt dependent upon an observer for his “Newtness”? Most importantly, would Newt cease to be Newt, if we ceased to observe Newt? I, for one, am willing to make the experiment. Wish me luck.

  • Aridzona

    A welcomed change. I was getting tired of watching Santorum play with his Lincoln Logs.

  • rickmaci

    Mitt Romoney. Mr. Gaff-O-Matic.

  • Mr Pre-Press

    Mitt's not getting any bars on his.

  • Gleem McShineys

    WHAT PLAYFUL SHENANIGANS, YOU SCAMPS!

    Translation: Fuck off, you fucking fucks.

  • bumfug

    Rick doesn't like the Etch-A-Sketch 'cause when you shake it, it's too much like *blush* oh, you know…

  • rocktonsam

    "Bart, write the word Kent Brockman said on the etch-a-sketch."

    "BREAK IT BREAK IT WON'T ERASE!1!"

  • Warpde

    Fuck Etch A Sketch.
    Bring back Silly Putty.

  • ttommyunger

    Alt text: "G-22………G-22…….