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Sweet PrinceSan Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi was all nah mang nah mang ain’t resignin’ after he pleaded guilty to misdemeanor “unlawful imprisonment” of his wife (bargained down from domestic violence battery, dissuading a witness and child endangerment), and was sentenced to a Lindsay Lohanesque “probation and community service.” So now the mayor’s all, dude, the fuck? and suspended him and is trying to fire him and they are having a little old Constitutional Crisis! Also, there were totally some mystery panties.

One of Mirkarimi’s exes was not loath to tell anyone who’d listen that he kicked her ass four times when they were together; he was seeing her when he started houndin’ around with his current wife, Eliana Lopez; and they got in a huge fight where she was all WHY ARE THERE SO MANY MYSTERY PANTIES IN YOUR APARTMENT and he tried to pull the old (and stupid) no babe, those are totally yours. But what about his wife?

His wife, Eliana Lopez, has publicly stated that her husband did not harm her and she refused to cooperate with police and prosecutors.

The crux of the prosecution’s criminal case was a video taken by a neighbor, Ivory Madison, to whom Lopez confided the day after the incident. The video has not been made public.

But, according to court records, it shows Lopez displaying the bruise and tearfully recounting what happened. She said it was the second time last year that her husband had manhandled her.

Dude’s a keeper. [San Francisco Chronicle]

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