musta been a typo

Obama Wishes Iranians Happy New Year, Forgets To Declare War

What is this, Barack Obama wishing the Iranian people a pleasant Nowruz, or Persian New Year? That is not very warlike, Barack Obama. Haven’t you been reading Tha Newz lately? We read this mostly as a “please enjoy your holiday in spite of the intransigent nuts who run your government” message — who couldn’t relate to that? — sprinkled with a bit of “and also sorry about those sanctions but seriously your government really sucks” subtext. As a consolation prize, Obama offers you in return that “The United States will continue to draw attention to the electronic curtain that is cutting the Iranian people off from the world.” Sort of like China, except that the U.S. government is actually bothered by mass censoring of the Internet in your case, Iran. But is that really the issue, Fox Nation commenter dingbats? Let’s have a policy debate!

The real problem, according to commenter “voteexceptional,” is that Obama is expecting his message will make every Iranian a Christian. What kind of idiot would believe that?

Obama thinks the world believes him. He stupidly uses flattery to try to win Iran over and make them as nice as Christians. Won’t work Obama. They are good liars too! Just like you. Lying is part of their culture. They are not Christians Obama.

Good old Christians, always not lying about things. Any other salient points, Fox Nation idiots?

“louisiana_mom:” He celebrates Hanukkah 2 weeks early, forgets all about Easter last year and wishing Christians a Happy Easter but he can remember to wish Iran happy holidays!??!

“mamadore:” BUT, will he wish a nation of Christians a Happy Easter. He didn’t recognize it last year except to have an Easter Egg Hunt for the kids, but that had nothing to do with the religious part of Easter and Christ’s rising.

Anyway, that right there seems like enough radioactive bat guano to qualify this as a “GOP debate,” yeah? There you go, John McCain, you’ve got a few experts to cite in your next press release arguing for war on Iran. You’re welcome. [White House YouTube/ Fox Nation]

What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

146 comments

  1. BaldarTFlagass

    Fuck Easter. You don't even get a day off from work for that. What a stupid fucking holiday.

    1. Jerri

      Plus, you (by which I mean me as a child) had to spend upwards of 4 hours at church, and the gifty part is terrible. Thanks for the crappy black jellybeans and hollow milk chocolate egg, Bunny Christ, but I'm good.

      1. Mumbletypeg

        I was baffled to come outside this a.m. and find irises budding — normally these wait (here in central VA) til closer to "Easter" or April, like the dogwoods — but I mention this because for a change I'll be spending "upwards of 4 hours" this weekend on the National Mall at some atheist rally I was invited to.
        With cherry blossoms peaking.
        Iris, dogwood and lilac budding early.
        Maybe it's a sign — although the atheists in attendance would disagree (I'm not one btw) — but I'm getting quite a laugh that good old-fashioned Easter is getting pwned this year as far as all the flora & butterfly what-not coinciding around this heathen-fest instead.

        1. Jerri

          That sounds so pretty (the flowers and so on, not the rally, which could be fun.)

          Flowers are blooming here in Wisconsin, too. And it's supposed to be 75-80 degrees again today. It's nuts, but since there is little to nothing I can do about that, I will just enjoy the warm weather and flowers.

          1. BerkeleyBear

            GAH!!!!!!! I finally move out of the Midwest after a decade-plus to the NW, and you are all getting 70 degrees + in Illinois, Indiana, Wisconsin and the East Coast too. Meanwhile, Portland is still getting snow every damn night in the hills (fortunately it isn't sticking to the roads or the city would shut down) and I haven't seen the sun for more than an hour at a time for a week.

            I'm taking my kids to California next week. If the weather follows me then we will have proof that I am, in fact, the cause of all this. I'm not sure if that makes me the Winter King in need of being sacrificed to bring Spring or what, but I may start abusing my powers – pay me or I'll move back to your neighborhood.

    2. SorosBot

      Well Good Friday is basically a day off work for Easter. And a fun day to practice some blasphemy – I usually watch the Life of Brian for it.

      1. LesBontemps

        Apparently, Good Friday off is only an Eastern (specifically, Northeastern) thing, because Catholics.

        1. SorosBot

          Really, other people don't get it off? Weird.

          And I've had it off in Chicago before, and know at least one person on the West Coast who has it off too, so it's not just Eastern.

          1. LesBontemps

            I don't actually have any first-hand experience, since I try never to leave the Northeast. It's just too hard to find a decent pizza or even a Kaiser roll anywhere else. But the spousal unit (a westerner) keeps harping on it.

          2. James Michael Curley

            Don't forget the Portuguese Roll. Rest of the country don't even know what a Portuguese Roll is.

          3. sullivanst

            Don't think it's very common to have it off here on Long Island, my boss expects me to work, I don't remember my wife ever being off on Good Friday either (at various jobs). And it's super-catholicy around here (so catholicy, our Congressasshole founded his political career on support for the IRA, and it worked for him, which sure as hell doesn't work for me).

        2. BerkeleyBear

          Illinois gives its employees the day off, also a Catholic legacy. Indiana doesn't, California doesn't, don't know about the South.

      2. Beowoof

        As recovering Catholics my significant other and I usually have bacon cheese burgers and then select a movie the catholic church has said would be bad for us.

      1. Grief_Lessons

        A lot of us socialist Canadians also get Easter Monday, an abomination of a holiday created expressly because of the rip-off of Easter Sunday always falling on a weekend.

          1. Grief_Lessons

            Most of us just use it as a day to sit on our asses, eat leftover ham, enjoy the first signs of spring, etc. Theologically, this is probably what Jesus did on the first day after his return to heaven.

    3. Callyson

      I hated Easter even when I was a kid. Never could color those stupid fucking boiled eggs. And the Easter Bunny was a…um, you know, the R – word…

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I'm really surprised that they haven't, especially since Iranians are considered Aryans, so it would be a false equivalency, which would be right up Fox's alley.

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    "They are good liars too! Just like you. Lying is part of their culture."

    This guy probably thought Paul Ryan was telling the truth when he explained how great everything will be after the congress enacts his latest budget.

  3. Failed_2_Menace

    In the Republican response, John Bolton wished the Iranian people a "Happy Nuclear Winter should I ever get within six feet of the goddam button."

  4. SorosBot

    "He stupidly uses flattery to try to win Iran over and make them as nice as Christians"

    We already have problems with the Iranians, why would you want them to start acting that nasty and arrogant and not nice at all?

  5. Atomic26

    Funny, I always thought that the idea of being "Christian" and nice to people applied whether they liked you or not. Also since Easter (the goddess, not the day named after her) holds bunnies and eggs to be important having an egg hunt seems like the best thing to do to honor the roots of that particular holiday.

    1. prommie

      Hay-soos actually said at one point "what credit is there in loving your friends, everyone loves their friends, I'm saying that you have to love your ENEMIES."

  6. freakishlywrong

    What's scary is; I keep saying that they can't possibly keep up all the ginned up fauxrage for 8.5 more months. But they can. Peak Wngnut doesn't exist; they just go hatier. Someone's face is going to get stuck like that.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Yeah, but hoverrounds have a limited charge, so they'll be stuck rioting at their local WalMarts.

    1. prommie

      They just keep drilling for more hate, and there are always the Saskatchawan hate sands, if that runs out.

  7. BaldarTFlagass

    "make them as nice as Christians."

    Excuse me? In the immortal words of the Virgin Mary, come again?

    1. Baconzgood

      Pay no attention to that inquisition, or turning a blind eye to the Nazis, or that sacking of Constantinople in 1204, behind the curtain.

    2. Mumbletypeg

      She/ he/ it is cheapening their faith referring to it this way. As if it were perfume being discussed — "not like us 'nice-smelling' Christians" — instead of allegiance to a belief system/ worldview/ creed.

    3. actor212

      In the immortal words of the Virgin Mary, come again?

      Say, what did Mary shout when she orgasmed? "Oh son! Oh SON! OH SON!"?

      I'm going to hell, ain't I?

  8. Baconzgood

    I read some of the comments and I have a theory why Skoalrebel was out of the line up for a bit. He was trolling Fox Nation and boning up on his bat shit crazy for our entertainment.

  9. bureaucrap

    Yes, it's important for us to recognize the religious roots of Easter — as a ceremony celebrating the Babylonian goddess Astarte (hence the name), goddess of fertility. So Obama needs to say, "happy astarte everyone, now go out and procreate!!!"

  10. Mort_Sinclair

    We read this mostly as a “please enjoy your holiday in spite of the intransigent nuts who run your government” message — who couldn’t relate to that? — sprinkled with a bit of “and also sorry about those sanctions but seriously your government really sucks” subtext.

    Best laugh of the morning so far. Thanks.

  11. tessiee

    'Obama thinks the world believes him. He stupidly uses flattery to try to win Iran over and make them as nice as Christians. Won’t work Obama."

    What "voteexceptional" is saying is that she thinks President Obama should cast aspersions on Persians.

  12. Goonemeritus

    Boy I guess some people are really nostalgic for the good old days of “Evil Empire” and “you’re either with us or against us”.

  13. ifthethunderdontgetya

    “and also sorry about those sanctions but seriously your government really sucks”

    Truly. I'm sure the Iranians would like us to pick it for them again.

    Of course, the Shah didn't turn out so great, but hey, we all make mistakes, amirite?
    ~

      1. dubyatf

        Nah, not really. Their government hates our government but the Iranian people are strangely fascinated by America. Which doesn't make any sense, since the populace is said to be highly educated and sophisticated. On the other hand, Ahmadinajad is a douche nozzle, or would be reincarnated as one in a perfect world.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Well, they are, at least to each other, just so long as they belong to the same sub-cult (see under Ireland)

    2. tessiee

      Some of them are.
      We need a word to distinguish the ones who are mean and crazy.
      I suggest "christopaths".

  14. BaldarTFlagass

    He was probably using some kind of invisible secret Islamic code in this message to pass along secrets on nuclear weapon technology.

  15. Baconzgood

    I have one of those curtains buried under ground to keep Lord Singen-Smith III Duke of Butt-Sniff from running out of the yard. Sometimes I turn it off and wait for him to get too close to it….then crank it up and watch him jump.

  16. prommie

    Oh no, this is not good, not good at all! Charles Kraphammer will krap himself over Obama's betrayal of his oath of allegiance to Israel! Netanyahu and Isreali Ambassador to the Senate Joe Lieberman will be busy this election season, using threats of a middle-east crisis to campaign for the republican nominee!

  17. BarackMyWorld

    If Obama could fly, these people would want to impeach him for breaking the law of gravity.

    1. JustPixelz

      Gravity is a theory that's out there. But it doesn't agree with the Bible on several points. The Earth is the center of the universe, the Sun stopping in the sky, Jesus rising. So it must be false and should not be taught in our schools. Also, no law or policy based on gravity should be enacted.

    2. doloras

      If Obama could walk on water, these people would want to impeach him for not being able to swim.

  18. Mumbletypeg

    Would it be descending to their level of pettiness to inform these mock-Christians that Zoroaster ran his Mazda over their Dogma quite a long time ago — and these flagrantly fouled-up excuses for devout bible-adherents are doing a lousy job concealing their scars from that collision of faiths?

    1. Gleem McShineys

      Be prepared for the backlash. Hopefully you can tolerate their burning, searing, absolutely vacant stares of infinite incomprehension.

      "Zoolander? Whut–?"

  19. Oblios_Cap

    Did he send a predator drone filled with depleted uranium Easter Eggs to Tehran? That's what Muscular Jebus would have done!

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      Clearly, James O'Keefe needs to send an undercover operative to sign "Please keep killing babies and promoting socialism, also weren't you really born in Kenya? to Obama, just to see if the Usurper signs back "Thank you."

      It's JUST LIKE a teleprompter!

      1. Gleem McShineys

        I'm afraid I climaxed after reading that you climaxed.
        Its an orgasmic version of the blueberry pie scene from "Stand By Me" around here.

  20. DaRooster

    "He stupidly uses flattery to try to win Iran over and make them as nice as Christians."

    Stupidly?

    Yep… they should be nice… like you. You fucking mental midget. You don't even respect the President of the United States. Get out of my country… all y'all.

  21. Guppy

    Sort of like China, except that the U.S. government is actually bothered by mass censoring of the Internet in your case, Iran.

    The only reason the US is bothered is US companies aren't making a buck off of selling censorship tech to Iran, because sanctions.

  22. actor212

    People! People! Settle down already!

    I've fucked dated enough Iranian women in my life and wishing them a "happy" anything is tantamount to an insult!

    I mean, an orgasm is like a death threat to them.

    Watch Ahmadinnerjacket slip off a glove and slap Obama in the face, now.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Ah, Iranian women. They've got special dispensation from Allah to wear their legs upside down. Never seen such calves, like fucking Popeye arms.

  23. CountryClubJihadi

    Happy 1391 everybody. Seriously, my friends could not even send me Norouz e-cards this year because they barely have bandwidth now. I love you, Barry.

  24. MadBrahms

    Just wait until Ahmadinejad retaliates with his passive-aggressive Easter greeting to America. Begun, the Hallmark Wars have.

  25. b[redact]opple

    I remember a few years ago the fascist Archbishop of Athens denounced a left-wing parliament deputy for making an Easter speech about "renewal" and "spring" and "pretty flowers" and everyone was, like, "groan, how embarrassing." But I guess the US is not so different! Nice how Obama cold forgot about the damn holiday last year, if these accounts are true.

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      Yeah, but did he break into Prime Time to specifically thank Our Lord Jesus Christ for rising from the dead and wiping away our sins? Anything less is a War on Religion.

      (Note: also, if he did do that, it would be fake and wouldn't count, because Obama is evil)

    2. Gleem McShineys

      Good news! Even if the protective condom that is FOX News, which is a barrier from any factual information from ever coming near the minds of their viewers should get punctured — their minds are completely sterile! No ideas will ever grow there! THE HATE IS SAFE

  26. chicken_thief

    Sheeple, open your eyes! This is nothing. At the last G8 summit Obummerz was talking to Merkel…. leader of Germany…. home of the Nazis….. connect the dots!!!!!!!

  27. Barb

    I miss celebrating Easter as a child. An afternoon of dying eggs and then an eternity of egg salad. Good times!

    1. prommie

      And fucking ham. The tradition in our family was something called a "fresh ham," which is an un-hammed ham, a pork leg, that has not been cured. In protest of this idiocy, for years I called cucumbers "un-pickled pickles."

      1. SorosBot

        Same here, just because that's what my mom's family ate. It doesn't taste good; and she once a year we get that foisted on us, even though the rest of our family are all atheists and, as I tell her, I'm coming over just for dinner, not Easter dinner, because I don't celebrate Easter and asking me to do so is really offensive. Why we can't cook up something decent instead is beyond me.

      2. dubyatf

        Wait, I'm confused. Which was it, fucking ham or fresh ham? Or was it fucking fresh ham? Fresh fucking? Freshly fucked? Did someone mention orgasms?

    2. Doktor StrangeZoom

      I miss the good old Passover celebrations of my childhood, when we'd kill some Christian infants to make our matzos…

  28. anniegetyerfun

    The thing that makes Norwuz kind of cool is that it's actually a pagan/Zorastrian holiday, much like Easter was a non-Christian holiday, that the Iranian regime has tried to tone down over the years. It's older than Purim (and in fact, may be the inspiration for Purim). There are elements of "fire worship", or least, the use of fire in ceremonies, that freak the Islamists out.

    As such, we should be celebrating the FUCK out of this holiday, with the Iranians. Anything to piss off the mullahs. Of course, I don't expect Fox commenters to know this.

  29. proudgrampa

    As a Pastafarian, I am looking forward to "Pastover."

    May you be touched by his Noodly Appendage.

  30. ttommyunger

    For his next trick, Barry will walk on water. Faux Noose: "Ha, Ha, the President Can't Swim!"

  31. JimNauseam

    This time of year it's extra fun to tell Christians that "Easter" is the name of a pagan fertility goddess, and that those eggs they're coloring are stand-ins for testicles. Let the good times roll!

  32. Isyaignert

    I'm sure they're all stompin' and spittin' down at the GOTP HQ – Obama just foiled their plans for another illegal, immoral war-of-choice-for-profit.

  33. actor212

    WTF kinda name is "Nowruz" anyway? What candyass religion names one of their important holidays after the guy who drove my cab this morning????

Comments are closed.