Your Illinois ‘Lincoln Primary’ Open Thread

  defiantly avoiding the sufjan stevens theme

If he's so great, why is he dead?Did you hear that there’s a political primary in Illinois tonight, even though Mitt Romney has pretty much mathematically locked up the nomination? This is a thing you will want to type about! Illinois is a fascinating state: There’s a big city and then some wingnuts out in the countryside, just as there in every other goddamn state. Mitt Romney could win, or Rick Santorum could! Or Newt! (Newt Gingrich is a politician from the 80s and 90s who is now running for president.) Here is your open thread; please monitor it for communists or racists, like Robert De Niro. Polls close at 8:00 American time.

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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562 comments

    1. flamingpdog

      I think she made him stop cleaning the kitchen after she got tired of him passing around the dirty sponges for the whole family to hold, admire, and say prayers over for four or five hours.

      1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

        I can't snark on the weekends. Fingers are too pooped to type nowadays. I just keep 'em immersed in whiskey until Sunday night.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Tad, I think. The one who died of heart disease at a young age (but after Abe died), not the one who died of scarlet fever (Willie) or the one who died before Abe ever got elected. Definitely not Robert, the son Abe sent to elitist Harvard during the war and then got a cushy staff placement for (the Civil War equivalent of the Texas National Guard) because Mary Todd Lincoln didn't want her baby anywhere near actual fighting.

    2. Negropolis

      Why, that's Longfellow J. Tinybottom, America's Lil'est General, of course. McClellan and Grant get all the accolades, but General Tinybottom won us the war. Huzzah!

      In all seriousness, looking at that picture makes me kind of sad. Lincoln was delt a pretty shitty hand in life. So very much premature death in that immediate.

  1. finallyhappy

    I am going to read a book- as I am one of those slutty over educated(college wasn't enough – I had to get an MAT) democratic women(although well past the need for birth control)

    1. flamingpdog

      I just gave my last Dead Lincoln to the guy in the cubicle next to mine so he could buy some more Mega Millions tickets for the group here at work. If we win, I'm gonna take my portion and make Rebecca an offer she can't refuse, buy out Jeffer so he and Barb can live the life of leisure in some place besides New Mexico (state motto: Smells Better Than Old Mexico), and buy the mineral rights under Darth Cheney's house and drill for oil and natural gas in his living room.

      1. Barb

        Jeffer just pointed this post out to me, lol. He brought home some mega million tickets tonight.

        My best friend called Jeff "the New Mexican" once and I still chuckle when I think about it.

    2. JohnnyQuick

      All hail our Giant Dead Gay President. I imagine him taking a break from Heaven and road-tripping down to Hell just to kick Jeff Davis in the nethers.

      1. chascates

        My internet connection is flaky but did I read there was a panel on 'is Santorum too Christiany' to be Preznit?

          1. Barb

            OMG! For Realz? I am going to hold off on the hockey game and watch this. I can't wait to see you. (8 P.M. is the replay)
            If my husband gets a stiffie, you are going to have to take care of it, sister.

      2. Biff

        Way cuter than Cenk! I wish Al would get an HD studio already, but anyway, yeah–I'd hit that.

          1. RadioStalingrad

            True Story:
            I was a 7th grade atheist in a Catholic school and there was a nun — Sister Repressia? or something — who would crack boy's knuckles with a ruler if they put them under their desks.

          2. FROTHY

            Why, back when *I* … but srsly … they were the most godawful bitches. One of the nuns just HATED the little boys, hated them with a blinding hate. If you got caught talking or fidgeting or pretty much doing anything in her class other than breathing, she would push your head down and slam the heavy wooden desktop on it with a BLAM! It's a wonder we survived her with our brains intact. Nasty rotten bitch.

            Oh, she hated the girls, too, but had different torture methods for THEM. Pulling up their skirts and pinching their thighs and twisting real slow. For maximum pain. Of course, none of the RICH kids got this maltreatment. It was the poor kids, the charity cases, the boarders, the orphans. Us "day-scholars" were safe, because we could go home to Mum and Dad and tell about the bruises.

      3. Chet Kincaid

        You were on the TV?! Oh, you're in the crosshairs now! You're responsible for every single thing any one of us says, and they know what you look like!!

        1. Blueb4sunrise

          I think it's me because someone is fucking with me, and/or Intense Debate doesn't like this friends computer or, IE, or , VIPRE or something .

          Or maybe my mistake was sending a tip from this computer.

          However, I think it is clear that Barb is everyone else's fav.

          1. RadioStalingrad

            I'll go with Barb too. But I wish upon a star I could get back my home IP address that was lost two weeks ago in the Purge of '12.

          2. Iam_Who_Iam

            Isn't it weird that your IP is blocked rather than your Intense Debate log in? Have you written a friendly email to the boss lady explaining the problem? I don't know if that's the solution but I feel your pain and wish I could offer you a helpful solution but I'm at a loss. We've been traumatized enough by the changes, I'd rather not lose the friendly faces we've become accustom to.

          1. Extemporanus

            O RLY?!

            commiegirl 87p · 4 days ago

            THERE'S the lyric I was looking for. I knew one among you fine people would have it for me. Extemporanus is my new favorite.

          2. RadioStalingrad

            I'll guess she hasn't read your personal description yet, Mr. Teacher's Pet. You might want to see this reverse anal wink blot.
            Haven't seen the Owls around much lately either, for some odd reason.

          3. Extemporanus

            Why, whatever do you mean, my work released friend?

            Schoenkopf's inability to quit throwing her butt out the window proves she's morally weak.

            Owls, the Rat.

          4. RadioStalingrad

            Why don't you put an apple with a razor in it on her desk? BTW, morphing anal wink blots can identify the insane.
            What we have here is a fail to communicate, Luke.

          5. Extemporanus

            If I do, I'll be sure to let her know that it was originally your ideating.

            You're crazy!

            "Some commenters you just can't reach. So you get what he said here last week, which is the way he wants it…well, he gets it. I don't like it any more than you men."

          6. RadioStalingrad

            He's the best XY karyotype. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for that differential equation…well that and Newell let me slide. But, once again, I petition the overlords to release my home IP address.

          7. RadioStalingrad

            {{Hugs}}
            I'm so glad they have the intertubes down under.
            I'm assuming you agree with me that the Pedobear flies with the owls.

          8. user-of-owls

            So first I wind up in close proximity to a reverse anal wink blot, the with a flying Pedobear.

            It's like I don't even know you any more.

          9. Iam_Who_Iam

            I posted above but if it will help I am petitioning on your behalf as well.

            I'm probably not recognized as one of the most profuse commenters but I've been here for years and it is my personal calling to upfist the best comments. I have frequently fisted you so that should count for something. (I spent more time than I'd like to admit trying to rephrase that but finally gave up, this is Wonkette after all.)

          10. Extemporanus

            Right back atcha, Bar belle!

            I was smack dab in the middle of replying to alls y'all last night when my Internetz suddenly ideated itself to death, leaving me offline, lonely, and alone. Well, almost alone — I still had the company of my weirdo rescue kitten, who I determined this morning had gnawed through my DSL line in an apparent act of devious revenge for me not having taken her to the park as I'd earlier promised.

            Sorry everyone…

            OH, ALSO! What the heck happened to my reply to your "Leaving Las Vegas" reply to me from last week?! I responded via email, happened to check it this morning, and it's not there! It was truly a masterpiece, and now I will have to head over to the Intensedebate offices at Pier 4 or whatever and give them a stern and serious what-for. Grrr..

            I'm not going to resurrect the whole thing, so I'll just say this: You do indeed have beautiful eyes, ma'am, and thanks again for the $1.50, big spender. (I blew it all on hookers and champipple!)

          11. FROTHY

            She's a good Mommy and knows that Good Mommies don't play favourites. (I love you all equally, now shut the fuck up, you squalling brats.)

    1. commiegirl

      They replay it after Granholm for all of us (like me) who forgot to record it. If anybody wants to watch. My mama said I looked real pretty.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        I'm a night person, so I watch TYT at 3 a.m. I'll make sure to tune in tonight. Cenk was especially scream-y last night. I hope he calmed down before you came on or you didn't get a word in edgewise.

      2. Biff

        Maybe the fabulous commiegirl studios can get a screen grab of your segment and toss up a self-congratulatory post, for those that don't have TeeVee? I don't understand people like that, but we're surrounded by them up in here.

      3. FROTHY

        Is your Mama commenting here too, and afraid of getting booted off by your Thug Newell? I keed, I keed!

        Please don't take away my posting privileges, PLEEEEEZ?

      1. flamingpdog

        Damn, I wish I hadn't watched that. I'm gonna have to be nicer to the new boss lady now that I see she is a hottie who undoubtedly could be bowled over by a burrowing rodent's charms. Besides, I got stood up by that Benincasa woman tonight when she cancelled out of her book-whoring trip to Denver. Never did like mega-knockers anyway. And Benincasa isn't her real last name!

          1. flamingpdog

            Well, whatayaknow – didn't show up so much with what she was wearing on the Cenk show. S'okay, I'm back in lust with that Benincasa woman again, anyway.

  2. Callyson

    Overheard in heaven–Abe Lincoln: "You know, that guy Ricky gives us closeted Republican politicians a bad name…"

  3. slithytoves

    Waiting with bated breath, but only cause I just smoked a cigar – and I'm hoping the asthma won't kick in.

  4. fuflans

    i voted 'ricky' today. i still feel dirty and not in the way i like to feel dirty.

    on the plus side, lil ricky was so inept he didn't have any actual delegates on the ballot in my blue blue part of this blue city.

    so i voted for the paul delegates! i don't know if this makes me an honorary paultard but i do find myself longing for a blimp ride.

    1. banana_bread

      That's awesome! I voted for Bammerz because Democratic ballot, natch. I picked my completely pointless delegate by choosing the first female on the ballot. SMASH THE PATRIARCHY!

    2. Dr. Nick Riviera

      High five! I voted Sweater vest today. Will Co. I got to vote for 5 Santorum delegates and a Gingrich.

      Since it was a Republican ballot they asked who I wanted for Councilman (write in only) so I went ahead and wrote in Obama.

      I do feel a little sick about it. I kinda want to make sure they don't mark me down as a Republican now.

      1. Man0nTheStreet

        I was first registered to vote by some guy loitering on campus. I didn't ask and he didn't tell me what party I was sacrificing my soul to, so imaging my mirthful shock when I got a ReThuglikkkan primary ballot in the mail! I've been doing my own "Operation Chaos" for years now… and this year Gingrich has my primary vote!

      2. Iam_Who_Iam

        I voted in the last Texas Republican primary trying to unseat Gov. Perry. It didn't work but it was probably one of the few times I felt like my vote really mattered here in Texas. Now I get Republican fund raising letters and their mail and phone surveys which I have found quite enlightening. Their surveys are written in such a way so that there is no way of choosing an answer that isn't right wing crazy.

        For example they will ask something like "of these 3 rank their importance from 1 to 3: Repealing Obamacare, Lowering taxes, Reducing regulations on Oil." No shit, within a few weeks on the news they will report that among Republican voters their number one concern is lowering taxes. The whole thing is so skewed it's unbelievable.

  5. fuflans

    fucking mittens is going to get his momentum tonight i know it.

    please tell me there are consolations?

  6. banana_bread

    I voted! It was annoying because I stupidly asked for an electronic ballot and there was only one machine so I had to stand there like a moron while all the judges looked at me and I was really self conscious because I had stupidly forgotten to put a bra on and sweet Jesus did that guy take forever to vote I mean how hard is it to vote when there's only one referendum on the ballot and nobody gives a shit about municipal utility wholesaling.

    ANYWAYS. The point of my story is that YES, my last name can also be a first name, YES it really is my last name and not my first name and should I be worried that my election judge did not understand how to alphabetize?

    And that is how you vote in Illinois.

    1. fuflans

      banana chicka where are you?

      i could have voted twice today. this happened to me in '10. my election workers are usually drunk and have no idea how to work the electronic machines even if they weren't. if you eject your card at the right moment you can get them to give you another and they might not know how to delete your data.

      however, i couldn't deal with voting for santorum more than once.

      1. banana_bread

        I'm in that charming area of Naperora, where the schools are Naperville but the property taxes are Aurora. However, I do have to carry a stick in my car for when the soccer moms get vicious.

        And yeah, I'm pretty sure that election judge was drunk.

        1. Slim_Pickins

          AH, the worst of both worlds. If you also played football for North Central, I'd recommend that you stay out of Naperville bars on Saturday night.

    2. Mahousu

      I have never worn a bra while voting. True fact.

      Trivia question: Which current Republican presidential candidate can say the same?

      (Hint: none of them.)

        1. Boojum_Reborn

          I would rather see you without your bra than see a trussed up Rmoney.

          Of course, I would also rather poke out my eyes and fill the holes with bleach and ammonia than see Rick Santorum shirtless.

      1. glamourdammerung

        Trivia question: Which current Republican presidential candidate can say the same?

        Ron Paul would never wear a bra. Mostly because he thinks they are part of the "Jewish conspiracy".

    3. Slim_Pickins

      Up here in Northern Illinois, the ballots were too large for the scanners so consider yourself fortunate.

      1. banana_bread

        Yeah, I'm in Republican DuPage so a lot of the spaces on the Democrat ballot were blank.

        1. Slim_Pickins

          In Dupage county you register Republican, vote for the loons in the spring, and make more rational choices in the fall. As a bonus, you can tell your Congressman, State Rep/Senator, "as your follow Republican, I think you are full of shit (or whatever).

    4. Tundra Grifter

      I thought it took so long to vote in Illinois because everybody cast several ballots.

      There's a funny scene in "Bad Teacher" where the Bad Teacher (go figure!) gives a kid her black bra. She takes it off without removing her shirt – a neat trick I never mastered. Or mistressed.

        1. Tundra Grifter

          I'm sure there was a perfectly good reason you learned how to do that.

          I just can't imagine what it was.

      1. banana_bread

        Wellllll…. don't tell anyone, but Banana Bread is not really my name.

        …It's Banana Pudding.

    5. Buckminster

      I try to wear the "as seen on TV bra" because it makes the boobs look like smaller moronic muffins with currants in the middle. If the judges look at them, I try to make a point of saying, "what are you lookin' at, ya old sucks?" Nobody is more popular than I at the primaries. Oh, I also try to bring a plate of arsenic-laced cookies.

    6. LiveToServeYa

      I am having a brainstorm for a new line of electoral lingerie which absolutely *must* include the 'ballotbra'.

  7. Beowoof

    Oh I hope Rick wins so he can keep spreading his particular brand of Santorum around the republican party.

    1. flamingpdog

      What is they had a primary, and nobody with a brain* came?

      *except for teh Wonkette cross-over voters.

  8. Slim_Pickins

    Why does Santorum want to repeal the 20th Century: the New Deal, Civil Rights, The Great Society, Medicare, the sexual revolution, etc? If he had his way we would only keep the wars, because we won all four of them, WWI, WWII, Korea, and Vietnam.

    1. Antispandex

      50% isn't a bad record, if you're talking batting average. Wars? Meh, still OK if you get to edit the history books.

  9. Man0nTheStreet

    Regarding the De Niro – Gingrich flap: De Niro should've insisted that Gingrich publicly apologize his own first lady (the 1st wife)!

  10. imissopus

    OT, but a headline on Google News right now that links to a story at the L.A. Times: Trayvon Martin shooting: George Zimmerman dreamed of being a cop

    Color me shocked.

    1. iburl

      I'm pretty sure he'd already be on the force except for the librul media making such a big deal out of his neighborly crime prevention activities.

    2. Jukesgrrl

      The Miami Herald says Zimmerman called the cops 46 times since January 2011. I don't think he wanted to BE a cop, I think he wanted to fuck one.

      1. dadanarchist

        Well, I guess the very least we can say about the Sanford Police Department is that their psych tests screened out this raging sado-racist. Otherwise he would have a badge already and we wouldn't even be entertaining the possibility of charges.

    3. RadioStalingrad

      There is nothing worse than a security guard who failed his police academy exam. They make very good psychopathic nazi's. I have dealt with these power niche, egotistical types over the years and it isn't pretty.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        I shared office suite (a real one–with rooms and all) with the people who tested cops. On application for initial screen before test, a guy answered the question, "Why do you want to be a police officer?," "Because I want to carry a gun at the McDonalds at Third and Pike." (Or Pine. I always got them mixed up.)

      2. imissopus

        When I was in grad school down at USC a few years ago someone broke into my car and stole my stereo, so I called the campus police. Not that they were going to do anything, but it made me feel better to file a report. The guy who showed up was so hyped up, ranting about the "fucking animals" in the area who would do something like that (USC, for those not familiar with L.A., is in a rundown neighborhood) that I was actually afraid for the thief if this campus Dirty Harry did catch up with him. For fuck's sake, it was just a car stereo and I wanted to upgrade to one with an ipod port anyway.

    4. BerkeleyBear

      Not to brag or anything – but I called that shit a week ago when Chet Kincaid first brought it up. I gotta think when you fail the academy screening for any reason (other than maybe being a pacifist) they should flag you for the people who administer gun licenses, driver's licenses and just about any other potentially dangerous instrument – because you are almost certainly the sort of person who will misuse force given the chance.

      Call it profiling, but since the Supreme Court is okay with limiting Second Amendment rights based on mental disease or illness (although their reasoning is sketchy) I say go for it – anything to keep one more person from overcompensating with live ammo.

    5. Negropolis

      Can I just say the first time I saw and heard the guy that my first thought is that he's a few fries short of a Happy Meal? Not so many short that he didn't realize what he was doing, and not so many short that he can't undersstand the concept of racism, but short enough that he shouldn't have been anywhere near a gun, let alone patroling a neighborhood with one.

      And, as is usual in these situations, the cover-up is just as bad as the initial crime. It's scary that we have racists hunting black children on the streets of America; it's just as scary if not scarier that when something happens that we can't trust our justice system to administer actual justice.

  11. Rotundo_

    Well Mittens bought this nomination fair and square, he should get to claim the damn thing some time. I just hope Newt and Ricky stick around a little longer so there can be more chaos and pain for him anyhow. Newt knows it's over, Ricky must be sensing it, but both of them don't really have anything better to do these days, so why not hobble or coopt Mittens into still more unelectable policy statements that bite him in the ass? Newt will just piss the money away on whore diamonds and Ricky might just end up veep yet.

    1. FROTHY

      The way Li'l Ricky has been nibbling on RMONEY's ankles, he's lucky RMONEY hasn't already hired paid goons to take him out. He ain't NEVAH getting on that veep ticket. (Plus, he's a mean little fuck who's only getting the "I hate RMONEY" vote. Once RMONEY becomes the nominee, the little Republizards will fall in line, and RMONEY won't need Ricky anywho.)

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Yeah, but supposedly Rmoney is willing to at least think about letting Smegma brains be porn czar (AG) or something. That would be a retread straight out of St. Ronnie's playbook with Meese, and therefore exactly the sort of idiotic thing Rmoney and the GOP would love.

  12. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I'm still rooting for Santorum and yet, it's not as disgusting as Romney claiming he likes cheesy grits. Has Mittens shoved a Chicago pizza and 312 into his gullet yet? Pander pander pander…

    1. fuflans

      no he's hanging out in schaumburg which is, well, in a word, gross.

      however, i'm sure they have an olive garden.

    2. littlebigdaddy

      Knowing Mittens he would do something like talk about being a Cubs fan while he was on the South Side, because he knew some of the owners.

    3. BerkeleyBear

      Once I heard he was in Schaumberg my worst fears were confirmed. Hanging out just across the Cook County line in the reactionary red part of Chicago. Of course, those people would be Dems in Nebraska (except for some of the Catholics) so it is sort of a funny place. Interestingly, Romney spent almost no time downstate and just bought this bad boy straight up, which will make it that much easier for Obama to defend in the fall and maybe carryover to Indiana and Missouri. The downstate good old boys like to have their egos massaged, and if you don't they won't turn out.

      1. Dr. Nick Riviera

        I'm shocked he's not somewhere in DuPage Co. Those pretentious assholes are right up his alley.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          Schaumberg is within spitting distance of DuPage. Basically a way to claim you are in Chicagoland without really being there.

    4. flamingpdog

      Of the four Rethug candidates, Mittens is the only one I could even remotely stand to watch pander bare.

  13. Blueb4sunrise

    An Illinois Primary omen: I'm dog-sitting for some friends. Just noticed that one of them [dogs, I'm assuming] puked in the dining room, and it looks sorta like Ricky. Just sayin.

  14. Limeylizzie

    There must be something wrong with me, I am sitting on the deck of our crazy A-frame house on a hill in Hollywood, sun is shining , weather is gorgeous and I am pining for Chicago.

        1. fuflans

          next time you come here – you must contact me.

          axelrod was just on listing hopey's accomplishments. in spite of all the crap, man, it's a serious list.

          1. Limeylizzie

            He is a Chicago guy , used to do poetry slams at the Green Mill, if I recall correctly.

          2. AbandonHope

            You know, I say I'm from the Chicago area, but like many who claim that I'm actually a child of the western suburbs. Luckily my mom is a borderline hippie, so I didn't get infected with the particular strain of conservatism many of the collar counties have… what I'm getting at, though, is that I'm not sure I am, was, or ever will be cool enough to actually attend a poetry slam.

          3. fuflans

            of course you did.

            12 years ago it was positively feral.

            so yeah, hopey party in chi come november. you all can decide where – but we will be there.

            chet??

          4. Chet Kincaid

            Oh come on, anyone can be in the audience, or even do the open mics and slams, the point is poetry isn't only for elites and hipsters. Audiences are encouraged to be brutally dismissive, however, which isn't always good.

        2. Monsieur_Grumpe

          My wife and I honeymooned there. Took the Amtrak from Minneapolis with a backpack filled with the best cheese and wine. Chicago rocks.

          1. AbandonHope

            I think I will always prefer the cold to the heat; I've always said that if you're cold you can always bundle up, but if you're hot there's a limit to how much you can take off!

    1. Tundra Grifter

      2L: I highly recommend Gore Vidal's novel "Lincoln." He tried to write it "warts and all" but, in my opinion, by telling the whole story he built the man up more than if it were all myth.

        1. Steverino247

          Hell, you're only about 90 minutes from my place now. I was going to write you about where to go in NYC in July as I'll be there for about a day. But then, you're bi-coastal, aren't you?

          1. Limeylizzie

            I am indeed a bi-coastal person, I will be in NYC in a few weeks. Very sticky in July in NYC and not in a good way. Where do you live?

          2. Steverino247

            Northern part of the I-15 corridor in SD County.

            Going into Boston, driving around ME, NH, VT, down the Hudson Valley, a week in the Catskills (my sister asked when my wife and I became an old Jewish couple–hahaha) for a ZPZ event, then down to NYC on the 6th & 7th (39th anniversary), down Long Island, a ferry to CT, over to Plymouth and back to BOS for the trip out on 7/8. Whoosh!

          3. Steverino247

            That would be very nice. We're looking at a B&B stay on the night of the 6th. Saw a nice looking place in Greenwich Village. Since the schedule is tight and the city wasn't part of the original plan, we may just drive by things and make notes about what to really see on a return visit. My niece the nursing student wants to run in Central Park, so I may get a scouting report from her. An acquaintance goes there a couple times a year and jams in as many shows as he can over a long weekend, but I've never been to a show like that I don't think.

          4. Limeylizzie

            Lots of great music , still, in the Village, so you would be in a great location for that, depending on the kind of music you like.

          5. Steverino247

            Been to Harlem. Apollo Theater. Morton Downey, Jr. Show. I was one of the folks supporting The Last Temptation of Christ movie. Buddy of mine set it up for laughs, which it sorta was. Scary crowd, but the security guys were as big as I was and much more blah, so the white folks had to be cool.

          6. Steverino247

            I'm there for the music camp and can amuse myself. Speaking of which, off to practice. Later!

      1. flamingpdog

        It reached a high of 60 degrees in Denver today, but it was nice laying out in the sun. It was about 10 degrees cooler in the burrow.

    2. Midway117

      I was in Disney World for Obama's first win, but I plan to be in my Sweet Home for his second victory. There's a place in Schaumburg that is making no money off a bar bill tonight. A meet-up in November could make it all up to them.

    3. Chet Kincaid

      I will assume Mr. Limeylizzie has much better taste in domiciles than some of the awful, tasteless mansions on HGTV's "Selling L.A." "More money than sense" personified!

          1. Limeylizzie

            They were very popular in the 50s-60s , they are made from a kit, usually found in mountain resort areas, ours is on 30 ft pylons! It's pretty crazy, it sways sometimes, but we have the most amazing view .

    1. AlaskaGrrl

      It's only a bit after four here in Alaska, and I'm still at work. I want an apology from John McCain.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        I always think of it as "the real America," too. If stay in Arizona for the rest of my life, I will always live on the East Coast in my mind.

      1. flamingpdog

        If Rush's fourth marriage fails, I think the only one who would marry him would be his cyster.

  15. el_donaldo

    I'll be glad to be finally rid of ol' poop dropling. He was good for laffs and some head clearing outrage. But it's getting harder to confront the truth that the GOP crazification factor is steadily climbing.

    1. ElPinche

      You mean like at the animatronic hall presidents? That stick up his ass makes him very qualified to debate those other empty mechanical dummies.

  16. AbandonHope

    In a flash of insight I suddenly realize why the temperature has hovered between 70 and 80 degrees the past few days… the evil auras of so many Republican presidential candidates* in one place.

    * Hee hee, they think they're actually candidates. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That's cute!

  17. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    I can't wait to hear how Rick can't deny the good people of Mississippi and Alabama their wish for strong conservative leadership… especially if the current gap I'm viewing stays around 26%.

  18. rocktonsam

    Santorum was on 1440 am in Rockford today. Apparently he loves Illinois. He graduated from Carmel High and his parents worked for the V.A. Wasn't accepted at the U of I and went to Penn St..

    total asshole

      1. not that Dewey

        Not quite U of C. At the time that I went it was ACT >= 26 AND top 10% of HS class. So, yeah, Rick's not very bright.

          1. not that Dewey

            Call me an idealist, but I like to think that people who aspire to be president might take school more seriously.

          2. Jukesgrrl

            My mother was raised by Eastern European immigrant parents. She had no more idea of going to college than she had of going to the moon — that's how unusual it was in her neighborhood. Absolutely NOTHING gets her more riled up than these candidates disparaging education. She practically hyperventilates over this subject.

            I know there are people with feelings of inadequacy who like to scorn things they feel vulnerable about. But what's with these Republicans? Even their parents were educated, for God's sake. Do they really think all that many Americans believe higher education is unnecessary?

          1. not that Dewey

            It still is. Different campus. I was accepted (but not funded) to grad school at UIC. I couldn't even get close to U of Chicago.

      2. AbandonHope

        Depends on the particular college, but they can be pretty selective. Only reason I got in was my ACT score — my high school grades weren't great (kept failing to do homework).

  19. fuflans

    in other news, my maine coon is hot as hell (it's 82 here) and pissed about romney.

    (well, as pissed as maine coon's ever get which means he's pretty much crashed out.)

    1. chascates

      I had yet ANOTHER homeless cat appear at my doorstep last week! An intact male who swiftly had his way with my intact young female so now I'll have to ask the vet to let me pay out their sterilization. If only ObamaCare paid for my cats I'd be in heaven.

        1. chascates

          I've had as many as 7 but am now down to 5, all picked up from the streets. PEOPLE, SPAY & NEUTER YOUR ANIMALS!!!

          1. flamingpdog

            I don't have pets anymore. I'm saving up my money to spay and neuter some Young Republicans.

  20. Barb

    Ugh, I am still sober. I just finished lasagna and salad for dinner. I made the ricotta from scratch. Give me a few minutes to turn the hockey game on that I am recording and slam a couple of beers.

    1. LagunaB

      I have a really good pesto recipe. The secret is slowly roasting the pine nuts in a heavy (iron) skillet to golden. Do not burn. Basil is basically a weed that likes a nice sunny corner. No wind. If you take a couple of stems from bulk at the store, put in a glass and wait for the roots to grow. Not direct sun. Put in soil. Basil.

        1. Barb

          Love the recipe, thanks!
          I'm starting to outline my veggie garden for this year and I will have to get some fresh herbs going.

          Love ya, Laguna.

    2. flamingpdog

      Oh, man, I gave blood today and I'm not supposed to have alcohol tonight unless I have a really big dinner, so I'm still trying to convince myself I had a really big dinner. But I still gots time to convince myself.

      1. Barb

        That was awesome of you to donate blood. I am A-negative and I need to get back to donating here soon.

        1. flamingpdog

          I am A-positive, probably the only thing about me that is positive these days. Except that I decided I was positive that I needed a beer tonight, so I'm working on one now.

          1. Barb

            Please, take it slowly. If you feel weak you should have some carbs, even some crackers and cheese. If you feel fine then CHEERS!

      1. Barb

        The scratch comes from making the ricotta with whole milk and either buttermilk or lemon juice, allowing it to curd and then straining. It's not like I used breast milk.

    3. DustBowlBlues

      Jeez, Barb. Is a celebrity chef hiding behind your screen name. Since you're such a hotshot cook, give me some tips for meringue besides the obvious (have them a room temp, ultra-clean bowl–wipe down with lemon) and I don't have a copper bowl, so forget that. Anything else? Swiss meringue? French? Flat? (that last one is my contribution).

      1. Barb

        Dust, you need cream of tartar, If you don't have any you should use a few drops of lemon juice. I always use superfine sugar. Toss some in the spice grinder, blender, etc.

        Ricotta is so easy to make. You have to try it. I am the cheapest bitch around and I know when my small grocery store marks down their milk and buttermilk. At 5 P.M. they mark down the gallons of milk and the quarts of buttermilk to 25 cents. Heat the milk slowly to 200 degrees and add a half cup of buttermilk or lemon juice. Stir slowly and wait for it to clot. Strain with cheesecloth.

  21. NYNYNYjr

    How'd did Santoclaus fuck up so bad? It's 56 Rmoney to 27 Santo right now. Awesomely, Newt might come in behind Paul, somewhere around "margin of polling error."

    1. fuflans

      he didn't get delegates on the ballot.

      utterly embarrassing. contenders for national office have no ground game in like 25 states.

    2. BerkeleyBear

      I don't know the geographic distribution but a huge chunk of the state will be slow in reporting (somehow they printed ballots too big for the scanners).

    1. Barb

      Lizzie, that was so awesome and made me tear up.
      I'm sure FOX News will say that they were flashing Kenyan gang symbols to each other.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Isn't that amazing, I showed that to Jack, MrLimeylizzie, and he said “That's because he was a community organiser he really had to communicate with all kinds of people.”. True, I suspect.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          Basically that's the difference between Romney and Obama right there. Romney has never been in a position where he had to convince others to go along with his ideas – he always was in a position to make people do what he wanted because their jobs and/or company's future depends on it (business consultant, investor, boss, governor). Obama has always been in professions where people had to be convinced (community organizer, professor, civil rights attorney, state legislator, senator) and building relationships are paramount.

          It comes across in how they speak and interact with people. When people talked about Obama having issues with blue collar types, it was both ignorant of his personal interactions (he did just fine with downstate Illinois blue collar voters in his US Senate race, and one on one did fine in places like Iowa, Missouri, Indiana, etc.) and plainly racial code. When people talk about Mittens and his issues, it is because he cannot run a retail campaign or make an unscripted comment without coming off as a condescending rich jerk. It remains to be seen if you can rely almost exclusively on TV ads with no real contact or human appeal and win a Presidential race, but Romney is going to have to try.

    2. FROTHY

      Aw, sweetie! It'll be OK. Hopey will win this thing, and we can fantasize about three-ways wiv him for the NEXT FOUR YEARZ!!

      Of course, I followed the link and immediately Tweeted the story. Hope it goes viral.

        1. FROTHY

          I haz a very slow connection here, so I can't watch video (it's erratic, and often shuts down halfway thru), but I read the transcript and was SO touched. Our Prez is just fucking terrific. I want all my friends in the deaf community to see it, it will make them SO goddamn happy just to be acknowledged as human beings. Honestly, Hopey is totally the WIN.

    3. MosesInvests

      Thanks for that, Lizzie! I just posted that on FB-I can't wait for my Deaf son and my Deaf friends to see it!

      1. Limeylizzie

        It spoke volumes without a word being said, didn't it? I am from a family of women with varying degrees of hearing loss and I know that my profoundly deaf Grandmother would have been touched by it.

      2. Barb

        Moses, you have a deaf son? My daughter has a degree in Elementary education and American Sign Language and used to teach deaf children in private school. Then she decided to be a Pediatric nurse and work with foster care children.

        Let's all give a shout out to the Ryan budget plan! Cut taxes for the rich and cut funding for foster care.

        1. MosesInvests

          Yeah, he's Mr. Recessive-red hair, green eyes and Deaf as a doorknob (even Deaf people say "Wow, he's Deaf"-no hearing at all). He's up in DC at Model Secondary School for the Deaf, and I really miss him. He'll be home for spring break in a week and a half-and he'll ignore me and want to spend all his time with his friends. Teenagers (sigh).
          And I'm sure Eddie Munster wants to cut funding for Deaf Education, too. Twerp.

          1. Barb

            Moses, I don't even know your son and I treasure him. I know that it will be so wonderful to see him. Stock up on some groceries. Those teens can eat you out of house and home.

    4. Jukesgrrl

      LL, thanks so much for that link. I forwarded it to my sister-in-law. She manages deaf education for Tucson public schools and has stood in line for hours to see the president herself. She won't even need the text translation to understand the whole story.

      It made me cry, too.

      1. Limeylizzie

        I wish I could speak sign as I am sure it is really wonderful to watch him and understand what he is saying, the transcript is pretty wonderful though, isn't it?

        1. Jukesgrrl

          I'm always amazed by the expressiveness watching my s-i-l sign.She's interpreted on behalf of President Clinton a couple of times.She was asked to do it for Palin last year, but declined.She said she couldn't interpret languages she didn't speak herself.

  22. AbandonHope

    If our daughter wasn't still up I would totally catch up on some Boardwalk Empire right now, since Santorum reminds me SO much of Agent Van Alden (but with added Catholicism).

    1. Dr. Nick Riviera

      Nah, it's cool, she can watch it. My dad let me watch hellraiser when I was 4 and I turned out fine. My mom says I can stop using the plastic sheets next year and everything.

  23. fuflans

    meh we are going to eat now and i am bummed.

    i sincerely hope this is just a momentary bummed-ness.

  24. LagunaB

    OT. A little story to pass the time. At the market today a guy hit me with his grocery cart at check-out. So, ok, mistake. I turned around for his apology and he looked away. So now I know it was no mistake. I went around his cart and got uncomfortably close and said, You hit me with your grocer cart. Pause. Now is the time to apology. Pause. While looking at me. Pause. Nothing. So I whipped out my I-phone took his picture. And said, you might want to move to another aisle, it might take me awhile to post this. As I madly typed gibberish. He left. The checkout girl said that was awesome. And wished she could dick with customers too. I am so angry/sad that a child walking down a street gets run down and shot. And the asshole is not arrested. Fuck!!!!!!

      1. LagunaB

        Too messy. Rather use words. More effective. Only he probably was more shitty to the next women. Except it is raining angry women these day. Polls are up for Elizabeth Warren. Leading by 5%.

      2. flamingpdog

        In Florida, he would have pulled out his S&W Model 39 and blown out LB's brains for getting uncomfortably close and causing him to feel in fear for his life. The law in Florida would have protected him. Bravo to LB, but I have to presume you don't live in Florida.

    1. Monsieur_Grumpe

      I think if you were to take an organic pineapple and smash his brains out in the meat department the Supreme Court of the USA would give you a pass.

      1. LagunaB

        But I am a passivist liberal. We don't kill elected officials and cultural leaders, repubs do that.

      1. LagunaB

        Bitch with her own company. Solution for transvaginal probes. Show up with locked chastity belt. Say probe is against HER religion.

    2. Negropolis

      Oh, that was good. I was worried as I read on, but you totally surprised me with something awesome. My Wonketters are the best.

  25. littlebigdaddy

    I went to college in Chi-town. In my day we would've told Mittens to stick his javelin up his ass.

      1. not that Dewey

        Ouch. Their teeth can bite through bone. Can't imagine what they'd do to Mitt's rectum.

  26. C_R_Eature

    OT Geekery Post for Watchers of the Sky.
    If anyone out there is as sick of this spectacle as me, and doesn’t mind staying up a bit late:
    Tonight, for anyone who’s on the Eastern Seaboard of the U.S there will be a sky show not to be repeated in a long time.
    NASA will be launching 5 suborbital sounding rockets in as many minutes, from the NASA-Anomalous Transport Rocket Experiment (ATREX). These rockets will rise 65 miles into the high-altitude jet stream located 60 to 65 miles above the surface of the Earth. At apogee, they will release a
    chemical tracer that will form milky, white clouds that allow scientists and the public to “see” the winds in space. These clouds may be visible for up to 20 minutes by residents from South Carolina to southern New Hampshire and Vermont.
    those of you fortunate enough to be in the Mid-Atlantic region of the U.S, you’ll be able to see the boost phase of the rockets, as well as a the sky show. The Flight pate and tracer release points are Here.
    Everyone can watch the countdown and launch via live stream Here. The countdown began at 8 PM EDT (UTC – 5 hrs). The Launch window is 12 midnight to 3 A.M EDT.
    Now, the Chemtrails believers will tell you that this is all part of a grand Climate Modification conspiracy by the Government, but I can tell you that’s nonsense. This high-altitude jet stream is 65 miles above the earth and the chemical used, Trimethylalumionumoxide, combusts down to aluminum oxide, carbon dioxide and water vapor.
    The genuine danger is that there is a significant probability that the Van Allen belts surrounding the Earth have been so highly charged by all the recent Sunspot activity and the HF radiation from the HAARP array that the burning tracer plumes may ignite them.
    In that case, the Earth will cook like a Thanksgiving roast, now that Admiral Harriman Nelson is no longer here to save us.
    So, my friends, enjoy the light show tonight if you wish. Remember, the End of the World may be nigh, so there’s not a lot of time for you to do those depraved things that Society has been holding you back from doing. That is, If you’ve been holding back.
    (Linkies fixed)

      1. C_R_Eature

        Those Moon Nazi's are toast. They still use Hydrogen in their Interplanetary Zeppelins. Wait 'till the plumes ignite, they won't stand a chance.

      1. C_R_Eature

        It's really amazing the horrible damage that facility way up in Alaska is responsible for. Earthquakes, Global Warming, Mind Control. The mind reels.

    1. cheetojeebus

      it's a great night for viewing here in eastern Pa. I was just out admiring Venus, (right near) Jupiter and Mars on the opposite side of the sky. Venus is super bright tonight. Zero clouds. I'm going to stay up and check this out. thanks!

      1. C_R_Eature

        You're welcome! It's real clear here. Fine weather for watching the Van Allen belts explode in flame.
        NASA postponed the launch twice because there was awful fog and stormy weather earlier. Springtime on the Chesapeake. Gotta love it.

          1. C_R_Eature

            Hey, you can watch the Livestream and don't give me a hard time – you're in the Land Of Oz! Where Men go and then Chunder!
            You must have plenty of good beer, weird loud birds, strange lizards, marsupials everywhere. And Vegemite! All the Vegemite you want!
            All I have is a silly old light show.

          2. FROTHY

            Bought a jar of Vegemite the minute I landed. Great stuff. And yes, the beer is excellent! OTOH, most of the snakes here could kill you in a NY minute. With spit. From ten feet. Plus, it's cool and rainy here, which is odd. And tornado in Q'land today, leaving people roofless (mostly they try to be legless, but).

          3. C_R_Eature

            My buddy from Undergrad biked through Oz and hated the stuff. Course, the hated everything, so it's a bad data point. Well, he Loved the beer. He loved the beer everywhere, too…

            In Douglas Adams book Last Chance to See he's talking to Australian venomous reptile expert Dr Struan Sutherland about a specific outrageously poisonous snake down there (I forget which one).
            Adams says something like "What do I do if I get bitten?" and Sutherland just stares at him and says, "Why, you'll Die of course!"
            You're at Fall/Winter down there, so the Ugly weather seems right. At least it's not Cyclone season. Tornados suck, though. Those poor people.

          4. FROTHY

            You're up late, CREature! Thanks muchly for the linky. Half the time, Firefox is telling me it can't find Google, and the rest of the time it just keeps trying to load without success. I think it's trying to resolve everything to a .au domain, although I did finally (today) get a Google Australia (??) page! Hah! OTOH, anything with audio or video, it just plain old kacks.

            I may return via cyclone, earlier than I intended!

          5. C_R_Eature

            5:43 AM here, so it's not late at all!
            I'm sure your internet issues are at least partly due to all the good beer the IT folks had today, ay Mate?

            Cyclone is the way to travel. Just keep flapping and heading North and it's all good.

          6. FROTHY

            Good GAWD, you're an early riser! I'm fucked if I can prop my peepers open before 8 am as a rule! Although I'm perfectly happy to stay UP of nights till the sun rises. Hmm. Someday I'll figure that out.

          7. finallyhappy

            I saw an Aussie snake the other day(I hate snakes). the cool thing about this 12 footer- mostly tan and of white is its black head. The body can stay hidden(the better to catch you with) but poking its head out, the black absorbs enough sun to warm the rest of that scary body. This was in a controlled environment- not outside in Australia

          8. C_R_Eature

            Snakes! Wait until you see those goddamn bats!

            I understand that Peter Jackson got the ides for the CGI Shelob from the nightmarishly huge spiders he had under his house as a kid. It takes a lot to bother me, but that really gave me the willies…

          9. FROTHY

            I'm pretty cool around snakes, spiders, etc., but I really don't care to be envenomed all unwitting. I've been bitten countless times by various spiders, snakes, and bugs (I don't like to hurt the little fuckers so I always try to move them out of my way, not with the best results), but nothing poisonous so far, though I did once have a VERY exciting encounter with a king cobra. Those fuckers can projectile spit venom, and they like to aim for the eyes. It was a heart-stopping moment, but fortunately, not literally.

          10. FROTHY

            Uh … there's a park close by and I was getting ready to waddle (been cooking for an ill person, and the chef must taste everything, yaknow) down there to admirate on the ducks and stuff, till the Ill Person informed me that the park was home to many snakes. Of the poisonous variety. Something tells me I'll need to buy an extra seat for the journey home. (Burp!)

          11. Biff

            Not a fan of snakes, especially the poisonous types like we have here. Mojave Greens are the worst of the rattlers, and just plain mean-spirited. No warning–no rattling or buzzing, no need to coil to strike, and they actively and aggressively hunt you down. I kill them on sight, with no remorse.

    2. LagunaB

      Ooh. Love science talk. Married a chemical engineer. Sexy in those hazmat outfits when there is an event at the plant.

        1. FROTHY

          I have a friend and ex-colleague who works/worked/works for NASA. It wouldn't surprise me in the least to find him here on Teh Wonketz. Dreadful sensayuma, and the only person who ever attended management meetings and called everybody there a buncha worthless fuckheads. (Other than myself, of course, which is why we got along so well.)

        1. C_R_Eature

          Scrubbed, due to GPS problems on on of the rockets. They'll probably shoot for a launch – same window, tomorrow. Outta here for now!

          EDIT Where the hell was this post last night!?! Stupid internet.

  27. Biff

    The other woman (on the monitor, not in-studio) did a fair job of talk-talk-talking, I didn't know if you'd get your chance or not.

  28. Jukesgrrl

    Rmoney says his victory is "extraordinary." He outspent his opponents 7 to 1. I'd think it would be "extraordinary" if he DIDN'T win.

    1. FROTHY

      EXTRAORDINARY that he won a whole 44% of the 5% of Republican voters who bothered to turn up, after spending MILLYUNZ and MILLYUNZ of dollars. What a skeeve.

    1. flamingpdog

      You are correct. The only thing trickling down on Billo would have been rain if his garage had a leaky roof.
      I wish we'd had Dan Savage and teh internetz when Ron was Preznit so he could have had a disgusting name, too.

        1. Biff

          Gawd, it pisses me off that even people on our side let that shit slide. the man was a fucking simpleton, for chrissake.

  29. Negropolis

    Hey, Mitt. You can quit this too-cute-by-a-half bullshit, okay?

    Did he really just attack university educaton and the community organizing thing, again? I thought we were over this.

    BTW, the American economy is not run on "Freedom". To continue to pretend that our economy is a free market one is insane. You don't just have your finger on the scale, Mitt, you are your idiots built and rigged the damned thing.

    1. Limeylizzie

      I fucking hate Mittens, I used to think he was sort of OK, now I despise him almost as much as I do Santorum. Makes me so angry when they do the "community organiser" crap. Did you see this? MrLimeyLizzie said it was because Barry was a community organiser that he can communicate so well with everyone.
      http://distriction.com/2012/03/sign-of-the-times/

      1. neiltheblaze

        I've hated Mittens since he ran against Ted Kennedy for the Senate – so I've had practice. He was also my Governor, lucky me!

        One just had the feeling that even while running for the Senate he was mentally measuring the drapes for the oval office. He's got way more ambition than talent – then again, that's true of them all.

    2. LiveToServeYa

      He's getting into the spirit of this 'say-stupid-shit-to-get-nominated' thing. Before, he was only half-hearted. Now, he's no-hearted.

  30. Negropolis

    OT: This crap-load of threads will be the death of us late-owl posters. Good lord. Someone is really jonesin' hard on that sweet, sweet click-grift.

    1. FROTHY

      There's just no keeping y'awl happy, doodz. Back when Ken Layne owned the shop, and we'd get our first post of the day at 2pm, everyone was all pissy about "WTF are they drunk and sleeping it off where's our posts?"

      I'm amazed teh Wonketz is being so productive and it's hard to keep up, but better too MANY posts than too FEW, in this Frothbot's opinion.

      1. RadioStalingrad

        I'll keep my gunz, you keep the change.
        No, but srsly F, the commentz is what drives this crazy train. Ergo, the more posts the better.

      2. flamingpdog

        No, I gotta disagree with you, dearest Frothy (for once) and agree with Negropolis. Having so many blog posts discourages me from commenting at all. My principal concern is that the new mistress might think people come to teh Wonkette for the blog posts, but based on my experience with people who I know come to the Wonkette, most of them just lurking, they come mainly for the comments, the original posts not so much.

        EDIT: I wuzn't one of the folks complaining about no blog posts until 2 PM. I arrive at work at 9 AM, but my brain doesn't begin to snark effectively until mid-afternoon.

        1. FROTHY

          (Hugs the pdog) You can always disagree with me, since you're never disagreeable, my furry friend.

          I can't argue with the "comments are what peeps come here for" part, since that's definitely what lured me here. I hope Teh Editrix takes that into account. But it's nice to have weekend posts and late-night posts, and it keeps me from trying to break the commenting system. I guess I'm easy. Whatever makes everybody happy suits me fine. I don't want anyone to get their (owly) feathers ruffled and leave, 'cos I lerves you all so much, is all.

        2. Iam_Who_Iam

          As a mostly lurker I find this all pretty overwhelming too. I've been thinking if we are going to continue with the tidal wave of posts she needs to change to more of a headline driven layout so it is easier to select which posts to read and to find earlier posts that we would like to return to.

          I use to read pretty much all of the posts and comments but there is no way I can (or would) do that now. I'm going to miss the running jokes that use to work entirely because it was based on an earlier comment thread that all the regular readers were privy to.

    1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      He's just burning out the "3/5 person" person parts, and leaving the aborted fetae.

    2. Biff

      Isn't that the same document the shrub said was just a goddamned piece of paper as he wiped his ass with it?

    3. straighteight

      Has he ever seen a full-length photo of Obama or was he just working with an unflattering headshot posted on his militia message board? Because it looks like he stuck Evil Bammerz's head on Clinton's wide body.

  31. Negropolis

    What a smug little daddy's boy this Mitt Dumney is. I know it's hard for them to come to grips with this, but being a total dick to the president, and being a douchebag, in general, will not carry them across the finish line in November. Sorry.

    Oh, look…Santorum's Children of the Corn…

    1. neiltheblaze

      Did you hear about Santorum cracking on Obama for allowing Malia to go to Mexico with her classmates? Said he was "setting a bad example".

      Doesn't that just sound like Ricky? Condescending…..smug…..self-satisfied…..you just want to cuff him off the side of his head and say "What the fuck is WRONG with you?!?!"

      1. FROTHY

        It makes me want to stick the tip of my pointy boot right up his miserable smug arse. Like it's his fucking business to comment on anybody else's kids when he can't even keep his own warren in shape.

  32. AddHomonym

    Romney is not going to break 50 percent so the race to Tampa is still Newt's to lose, basically.

        1. flamingpdog

          I can't snark on the Frothy kidz any more. I've known too many smart, but fucked-up people who could have been really nice people except for their being raised by fucked-up parents like Mr. and Mrs. Frothy.

          I will give Bristle a bye on that matter, though, just … because.

        2. neiltheblaze

          17 going on 12. They did look a bit forlorn – but holding up pretty well. But they struck me as….. grey somehow. I've never seen a frumpier bunch of people who weren't related to me.

          1. FROTHY

            Well, look at the mother. She could stand to wash her hair a few times, with some STRONG cleaning products. I have never, ever seen such a greasy, filthy looking head that didn't belong to a homeless/mentally ill person. Somebody buy the bitch a hairdresser appointment and some decent clothes. He probably keeps her shackled in the kitchen in bib overalls all day, which is why she doesn't know how to groom herself or dress.

    1. E_Tx_Pines

      Is it finally hitting them that no matter how hard they've been praying to Catholic Jesus, He's not going to swoop in and make Daddy President?

      Reality's a bitch…

      1. FROTHY

        Bet you $10,000 all but one of the kids convert to Buddhism or some New Age religion and become total sex freaks with porn tapes and coming out parties and stuff.

  33. Negropolis

    Santorum is in Gettysburg. Talk about cognitivie dissonance. This guy's belief system would have put him on the side of the Confederacy during the Civil War. He'd have derided Lincoln as an effete liberal.

    1. clblabin

      Of course. Ol' Leak-and-Froth knows that the South was fighting for the FREEDOM of hard-working job creators to run their businesses how they pleased without union thugs (sorry, Union thugs) telling them what to do.

      1. Negropolis

        EXACTLY. Santorum and the rest are goinig around screaming "states' rights". It's really just that simple. We know where their historical heart resides, and it's not in the Union.

  34. Jukesgrrl

    Santorum's banging on about winning in the conservative areas. What the hell is Schaumburg? Not-Skokie where they had the neo-Nazi parades, so I guess it's librul.

    1. Negropolis

      Anything not flammingly socially conservative doesn't count to him, and Chicagoland is only Country Club/C-of-C Republican, to him.

    2. Dr. Nick Riviera

      He means the "I dont wanna share nothin with no one" conservatives as opposed to the "LOOK JOOS AND MEXKINS" conservatives

    3. flamingpdog

      From the Wall Street Journal: Familiar patterns that emerged in earlier contests continued Tuesday, as exit polls also found that Mr. Romney won more support from voters who called themselves moderate to liberal

      All right, which one of you Wonketeers talked to the exit pollers and made them think that libruls voted for him!!

      1. Negropolis

        Moderate-to-liberal Republicans. lol As if there are any left, but that's what they call themselves. That was the single largest group of Republican voters in Michigan, too, which is why Romney eked out a victory despite telling the state to drop dead.

        That's been one of the strangest things about this nominating project. At least hear in the North, the people actually coming out to vote in the primaries seem to be the actual moderate(like) Republicans, and they are voting for Romney. Too bad for them that they mean absolutely fuck-all in the general to their own party.

  35. FakaktaSouth

    What in the heck has happened to the people in Rick Santorum's audience that they have had so many freedoms taken away in Pennsylvania by Barack Obama? That was weird.

  36. Native_of_SL_UT

    I must be missing something. Romney and Santorum get up and bitch and bitch about Obama and government, riling the crowd up into a frothy angry frenzy and then declare that they will also unite the country. I guess their goal is to unite the country by making us all an angry mob.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I seriously feel so strange watching this. I mean these people are PISSED and I can't figure out over what. Surely not the lying going on behind those podiums? Terrible.

    2. clblabin

      When all the elite tenured radicals, uppity food stamp addicts, sluts, and poors are dead, or at least safely locked up in the dungeon beneath St. Patrick's awaiting their appointment with the Inquisitor, unity will have been achieved at last.

  37. FakaktaSouth

    Oh my GOSH HE IS BORING. Shut up shut up shut up. It's like he's drunk and just winging it. Stop blabbing RIck. You're killing the momentum of life in general.

    1. Negropolis

      He slowed us down so much that time might actually start going backwards from here on out.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        He is a terrible public speaker. I TOTALLY get it now – the game he's playing. Rick HAS to say that crazy shit, otherwise NO ONE in the history of ever could listen to him.

        1. neiltheblaze

          On "Super Tuesday" all the pundits on MSNBC were talking about what an effective speaker Rick Santorum was – and what a connection he made with his audience – blah, blah. I was laughing thinking "I'm not seeing what you're all seeing! It must be me."

          I'm with you. He's a cure for insomnia.

          1. Biff

            Damned ol' Tweety still calls reagan the great communicator too, and I never saw that shit, at all. I saw and heard a whole bunch of "there you go again", and "I don't recall".

        2. Jukesgrrl

          He entrances the people who believe that claptrap he peddles. The icing on their cake is that he might talk about loose wimmin or them awful homosecktuls. They're just like Rickie — the things they fear the most are what they secretly want to do themselves. They want to hear about it over and over and all that pious talk gives them permission to think about the "dirty" stuff.

  38. neiltheblaze

    I've been torn about wanting Santorum to win the nomination. On one level, I know Obama would clock him. On another, when he loses I'm relieved – and wonder if Republicans aren't quite so crazy yet.

    Then, of course, there will be Louisiana next week, which will put and end to that.

    1. Nostrildamus

      Don't worry. The GOP is working hard increase that percentage. Not by sending more people to the polls, but by disenfranchising as many currently eligible voters as possible.

  39. Dr. Nick Riviera

    All I want is for Romney to finish with less than 50% of the vote. Oh father christmas if you love me at all…

  40. BerkeleyBear

    Okay, unless the last 27 percent of the precincts have a massive turnout, the GOP is down over a quarter from 2008, which was basically a meaningless beauty pageant since McCain had the nomination locked down. And in that race McCain still won almost every county in the state, whereas Romney is stuck relying on the Chicago collar and a strip in the Springfield/Decauter area.

  41. clblabin

    I want to take a second and just take in what's happening in this primary. Mittens is straight-up, cold stealing this thing. And it's hilarious, because what's Frothy gonna do–become a champion of campaign finance reform? It's such a perfect incarnation of Republican politics in general: rich bastards, worried about the vague possibility that they might have to pay taxes one day, get the inbred morans all riled up about the dusky Kenyan Destroyer, tell them it's time to lock 'n load and take back the country–but when it's time to count the votes, they make sure they're counted in the right way.

    Yep, for all the sturm and drang of the past year, the Republican nominee won't be some gun-toting basement-dweller from Idaho in a tricorn hat, like we all kinda thought it might be. It's gonna be the Wall Street slimeball who, six years ago, was handing out free abortions and Girl Scout Cookies to every Lesbian Wiccan in Taxachusetts. The "Fuck 'em" wing of the GOP triumphs over the "No Fucking" wing.

    Take it in deep and choke on it, all you real 'Mericans out there–or learn to stop voting against your own goddamn interests because you think a Jewish zombie wants you to.

      1. Man0nTheStreet

        In the yoga room next to the vegan kitchen, after the macrame class has finished their empowerment chant.

    1. Negropolis

      Amen.

      I love it. Wall Street almost always gets their Republican candidate. Dole, Papa Bush, Reagan, Dubya, McCain…The insane base screams and screams and screams, but the money men fuck them over all the same. Sometimes, the Wall Street-chosen candidate attempts to play to the base, and sometimes they don't even try, but the outcome is the same. Non-Republican Jesus said that you can't serve both God and Mommon. Well, it's apparent who got thrown out the window.

      It happens on our side, too, but most of our base is aware we're being bought oout, so it's a bit less painful, if even still disappointing.

    2. fuflans

      this is one of the best things i have read in a long time.

      i hope my thrown away vote for lil ricky still matters.

    1. clblabin

      Except by Callista, to the pool boy, while Newt was in the next room thinking deeply intellectual thoughts about what he'll say in his Farewell Address in 2021.

      1. Man0nTheStreet

        Nonsense! A grateful America will have repealed that pesky 22nd Amendment in time for Newt's third term – we'll be a better nation for it.

  42. RadioStalingrad

    OT, but on Lawrence O'D, it turns out that Trayvon was on his cell phone during his murder.

    1. neiltheblaze

      Yes – telling his girlfriend that somebody was following him. The more I hear about this, the worse it gets.

  43. DustBowlBlues

    Hmmm. I just got here and I'm debating between watching Frontline on vaccines and Lawrence O'Donnell or the kid shot as a result of a Block Watch captain (seriously? They give those people guns for that?) vigilante taking advantage of the Florida "Okay for white guys to shoot black guys" law.

    Tough call. Think I'll go to bed and read "Death Comes to Pemberley."

    Oh, there was an election tonight? Damn. According to the MSNBC crawl, Mittens won. Meh. Fuck Republithugs.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          I'm so-o-o glad to know I'm not the only one.LL, you could play Effi in the movie!Who would be your John Russell?I started with Alan Furst, moved on to Philip Kerr's Bernie Gunther novels and then found Downing.I feel like I live in the 1940s (and see way too many parallels to our situation today).

          1. Limeylizzie

            I haven't read Philip Kerr's, are they good? I think of Effi as looking like a cross between Marion Cotillard and Juliana Maguiles, I'm more a cross between Judi Dench andDiane Cilento with a smidge of Bette Midler. Gosh, I will have to think of who would be my John Russell, William Hurt / Robert Sean Leonard combo maybe?

          2. Jukesgrrl

            Kerr is BRILLIANT at scene setting and the stories are very compelling.They are, however, more graphically violent than the Russell stories have been so far. The Gunther character is a Berlin policeman who goes private when the Nazis take over, but he is forced to the Russian front eventually.Even after the war he's a man playing multiple sides against a very corrupt middle.I can see the Russell casting you suggest.I imagine Gunther as Klaus Maria Brandaur.

      1. finallyhappy

        Wow, I am waiting to get it from the library- and I am number 200+(Pemberley). So instead I am reading Dickens. next up- Little Dorrit

        1. Jukesgrrl

          I'd be happy to send mine to you when I finish it.I have very little room here to store books.The shelves in my small AZ house are overflowing.I usually dispose of my books online via paperbackswap, but this is a hardback.I have an email address you can figure out:my Wonket name at the Y-word dot com.When you're finished you can pass it along to another deserving soul.

    1. chascates

      I watched the Frontline show and feel the science is valid that vaccines are not the cause (or the sole cause) of neurological diseases. A good friend had a son who was diagnosed with ADD and believes wholeheartedly it was the thimerosal that caused it.
      Frontline presented reports from Scandinavian countries, Great Britain and other countries that have superb epidemiological studies that dispute any links. And Japan changed their protocols to include less vaccinations but had an even higher percentage of disease.
      Several of the parents interviewed who believed in a causal relationship mentioned that lay people now have resources to question and dispute the medical establishment. As we have seen in politics, however, that doesn't lead to logical decision making.

      BTW, thought of you as I was planting fruit trees this past week!

      1. finallyhappy

        I personally would bitch slap Jenny McCarthy and any of the TV shows that let her blather on about vaccines causing autism. And the people who still do believe that even though the doctor who came out with that crap was proved wrong/dishonest and lost his license. And BTW, you can't "cure" autism with diet or vitamins or other crazy dangerous shit

        Trayvon was murdered by a gun happy racist – and the cops are protecting him.

        1. FROTHY

          Yes, they are, but the furor has now reached the point where the two Repuglycan'ts who *authored* the law are calling for Zimmerman's head and claiming that he can't use the "Stand and Deliver" or whatever it's called defense. It's not looking good for Zimmerman, so keep the heat on them, peeps!

      2. Biff

        I watched it too. Good god, could they choose two less charismatic spokesmodels than Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey? He hit the pinnacle of his career as Fire Marshal Bill on In Living Color (which I loved, btw) and she wasn't even that good at exposing herself in glossy magazines, for money.

        I understand the heartbreak that must come from having a child perceived as "less than" the rest, and I understand the need to lay blame, but I don't see the cause and effect there. Putting everyone else at risk for known and preventable diseases because of an irrational fear of an unproved theory is a bad idea. I had friends and classmates with polio. I had mumps, measels and rubella, these are not pleasant, and are all preventable. I don't want to see them coming back, and they will unless eradicated from the whole planet, not just our corner of it…

  44. Dr. Nick Riviera

    Romney 46.9%
    Santorum 34.9%

    If I were losing anything to either of these guys, I'd hang myself.

  45. Barb

    Wow, I saw it, Rebecca! You looked dazzling and you have the sweetest voice. You made me very proud! You make my heart smile.

  46. Slim_Pickins

    85 F in Chicago on primary day in March is a sign that the Mayan apocalypse will happen on schedule.

  47. BarackMyWorld

    At the rate Newt's going, by April 24th it will be mathematically impossible for him to win the nomination. The last 3 biggest primaries (NJ, California, and Utah) are winner-take-all, and are all states Romney can easily win. The last biggest primary Newt has any prayer of winning, Texas, is proportional, so even if Romney loses, he'll probably still pick up a sizable share of its 155 delegates.

    Given that math, I wonder what rationale Newt is going to give for staying in until Tampa.

    1. Negropolis

      Ed Schultz said awhile back on one of these election nights that maybe there is just a restaurant down in Tampa he really, really wants to go to.

      I have no idea. It can't be because of the money, because he's already destroyed his brand and his campaign is still in debt. It can't be out of pure hate, because he's no longer really hurting Romney (quite the opposite). So, I really don't know.

      1. BarackMyWorld

        Looking at the schedule, I don't see a single winner-take-all primary Santorum will probably win, either. The only way we're still looking at a brokered convention is if Mitt gets destroyed in Texas and gets hardly any delegates, and even then he'll have somewhere in the neighborhood of 1100.

      2. neiltheblaze

        Newt's alchemy is equal parts spite and ego – and both of those qualities are notoriously blinding.

        It's a matter of him understanding that Sheldon Adelson not returning his phone calls is an existential problem for his campaign. He's a stubborn fuck, though – so it will be interesting to watch – especially now that there's no fear he'll actually win this thing.

  48. user-of-owls

    You'd think that with all the pictures of Abe floating around, I would have seen the one with the midget before. Huh.

        1. Biff

          I always knew that. I played him in my 5th grade play because I was 6'4″, and everyone thought I'd be some kind of monster when I grew up. They were right, of course.

          1. user-of-owls

            Oh, bosh. In 5th grade I was probably about 4'5" and I grew up to be a monster, so your hypothesis is unsupported by the evidence.

          2. Biff

            To be truthful, I was only 6'4″ in my boots with stacked heels, which were the style at the time.

        2. BarackMyWorld

          Lincoln was so tall, when it rained he only got wet from the shoulders down.
          Lincoln was so tall, he would go duck hunting with a rake.
          Lincoln was so tall, he once did a back-flip and kicked God in the face.
          Lincoln was so tall, he couldn't wear his hat at night because it might get knocked off by the moon.

    1. Man0nTheStreet

      The pic is a still from the soon-to-be-released Lincoln sex-tape – but you'll see it in *every* shopping mall come Christmas!

  49. Dr. Nick Riviera

    98.8% in:
    Romney: 46.7%
    Santorum: 35.0%

    No majority for Mitt in a liberal state-HAW HAW!

    1. BarackMyWorld

      Don't forget…Obama got 70% of the vote there in the 2004 Senate race running against a guy who sounded like a cross between Santorum and Gingrich, and 62% in 2008 against a guy who sounded like a cross between George Patton and Mr. Magoo.

  50. Man0nTheStreet

    I hope Rmoney just-barely prevails through this vicious, fratricidal, bankrupting, health & confidence-destroying ReThuglikkkan primary, and reaches Tampa with *exactly* one delegate more than what he needs. I hope that one extra delegate (the only reason Rmoney will be able to hang on to the nomination by the skin of his teeth) will bleed Rmoney DRY to remain on Team Mitt. After that guy gets his share of the Rmoney fortune, I hope another one of Mitt's oh-so-precious delegates also demands a king's ransom to stay on the sinking SS Rmoney. Then the next guy & so forth. After Rmoney has spent every penny he has and can borrow, I hope Obama crushes him in November.

    So much for the slur about liberals not being hopeful people….

    1. Negropolis

      How could anyone ever marry someone who was as in love with himself as John King? There was three people in that marriage: John, Dana, and John's reflection.

      BTW, I wonder if John's going to convert back, after this?

  51. DahBoner

    Just because Lincoln slept in a bed with other men doesn't mean he was gay!

    Lots of today's Republicans sleep with Rentboys and that doesn't mean they can't bash gays!

    Go G.O.P.: HATE, HATE, HATE!!!

  52. Jukesgrrl

    I tuned in for the 3 a.m. repeat, CG.I agree with 95% of everything Cenk says.But when he starts at Volume 8, he's at 11 halfway into the show.You and Cheryl provided a tone of good sense (more appropriate to TV) while managing to insert a few words of wisdom.I sure hope you're invited back.He needs more women on that program.Preferably ones who aren't hyperventilating.(& if it doesn't sound too much like ass-kissing, I liked your dress.)

    1. commiegirl

      I don't think it's ass-kissy at all, I think it is JUST ABOUT RIGHT. Thanks, Jukesgrrl.

  53. AbandonHope

    Ah, that was when I was fresh out of school and into a relatively high-paying embedded systems job. Income was high, expenses were low, and student loan repayment hadn't yet kicked in.

    Six months later I was laid off (dot-com bubble burst) and began a year long struggle of being mostly unemployed and trying not to get foreclosed upon. And now I have a wife, a daughter, and mountains of debt to tackle.

    Suffice to say, I am afraid there will be no more $100 tips for a long, long time.

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