mama said choke you out

Fat Chicago Cop Chokes Kid Out to Rousing Applause of ‘Fox Nation’

Hey Officer KrupkeHere is a kid probably being an asshole. He is all aggro and in this fat cop’s face even while some pretty girl with long luscious hair tries to stop him by distracting him with her young nubile body. Yup, total jerkwad move, kid. We get it, you have testosterone now. Maybe go smoke a joint or something, jeez. And here is the cop, weighing in at two or three bills (?) and pushing the girl off the young man so he can choke him out with his big fat cop hands until he is prone on the ground with 2 or 300 (?) pounds of fat cop on him. This is what we in the legal community (we are not a part of the legal community) call “excessive use of force” sometimes, at least if the person is white. But what do the legal scholars of Fox Nation think of this video?
Cool! “Cool!” video after the jump!

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  1. neiltheblaze

    If the cop gets fired, never fear. There's an opening at a certain Sheriff's office in Florida he can apply for.

  2. JustPixelz

    Can we recognize Fox Nation at the U.N.? Then invade it, replace its government and install a King of some kind. Howzabout John King? Or the Burger King?

    1. GhostBuggy

      We should invade them, <remove> their leaders and convert them to The Church of the Subgenius.

    2. Negropolis

      We could install Don King, though, I'm not sure if it'd be governed any different than it is today.

  3. Mahousu

    It's just a traditional Chicago first day of spring ritual.

    Also a first day of summer ritual.

    And a first day of fall, and …

  4. JustPixelz

    Fortunately that kid wasn't facing down a neighborhood watch volunteer. But then Fox Nation might have upped the rating to "kewl".

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    Obviously, the Chicago PD isn't too stringent on the annual physical fitness requirement for their officers.

    1. fuflans

      i took a random picture at chicago pride a couple years back. some wingtards with christian hate signs, my gay friends and some cops 'keeping the peace'.

      when we looked at the full screen results, we saw that all five people had exactly the same physique and huge bellies. it's really really funny.

  6. BornInATrailer

    Choking Cop and Pepper Spray Cop need to get together for the best cop movie duo since Lethal Weapon.

    1. littlebigdaddy

      And then they form a superband with the "don't tase me bro" cop, and get a gig on CMT. With a special guest appearance by Jeff Foxworthy.

      1. tessiee

        Jeff Foxworthy is marginally acceptable; it would have to be with Larry the Cable Guy.
        [Sideshow Bob shudder]

  7. Goonemeritus

    When I was that age my girlfriends were always instigating my problems with the police. If I had her by my side I would probably be CEO of GE by now. Instead I'm gooning for a lesser fortune 500, distinguished mainly for its lack of rigor in background checking.

  8. MissTaken

    IF Fox actually reported on the Trayvon Martin murder the Nation would also agree that the post was COOL!.

  9. actor212

    Not only is the cop twice the weight of the kid, but he's like six inches taller and carrying a gun.

    Geez, I guess he thought it wouldn't be a fair fight, since he wasn't wearing riot gear!

  10. neiltheblaze

    These are things I learned as a kid.

    Lesson #1 – when you're a kid and dealing with a cop, always "shut the fuck up".

    Lesson #2. If you speak, call him Sir, and then shut the fuck up again.

    Allow him to make all the mistakes? You may walk. Make the mistakes yourself, you're toast. Very simple.

    1. actor212

      Well, yea, but this is like a chihuahua (no ethnic comparison intended) yapping in the face of a mastiff. The mastiff would laugh it off.

      This jerk is heading for a departmental hearing.

    2. pdiddycornchips

      Good advice. Those rights enumerated in the preamble of the Constitution are just for show. We aren't really allowed to exercise them.

      1. neiltheblaze

        Kids only have the constitutional rights adults say they do. That's how we roll here in the Land of the Free.

        1. tessiee

          My High School used to have a FREEDOM SHRINE.
          This consisted of large, laminated copies of the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights.
          I would bet money that at least one student got detention for talking in the hallways within clear view of the FREEDOM SHRINE (and the freedom of speech enshrined therein).

      2. Lascauxcaveman

        Eh, a smart kid knows which battles are worth fighting. Something I stress to my own children.

        Drunk-in-public teenagers should just stand down when a cop gets all puffy. Not that cop is right; just that you can't win that one.

        1. actor212

          I gotta think the kid figured there was just one cop…albeit one fucking Jabba the Hutt cop…and all his buds who'd have his back.

          Um, oops.

        2. pdiddycornchips

          No argument. It's just that spring time makes me pine for a time long since past. A time when we enjoyed a kinder, gentler police state.

        3. Negropolis

          If you're already dunk in public, there is no fucking way you're standing down. So, I guess the real piece of advice, here, is not to be drunk in public.

          BTW, to no one in particular, and really not even to this case in particular, but my philosophy has always been that we expect more of people in authority on a job than we do of someone in their capacity as a civilian, and that we should expect more of the former than the latter. It is a civilian's right to be a dick to authority, period. It's authority's responsibility to do everything within their power to de-escalte a situation, if even it is within their right to exercize authority. That's why they are trained; less is indeed more when it comes to exercizing authority lest you lose your moral authority. In fact, this was kind of ruled by the courts to be the case here in Michigan where mouthy civilizans were given tickets for asking why they were given tickets…and the civilians subsequently won their lawsuits.

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    "The Nation Thinks This Post is COOL."

    I used to subscribe to The Nation, now I remember why I let my subscription lapse.

      1. GreatChristiano

        Yet that is so freakin' cool, to get the official stamp!

        It's like the cop has the badge,

        and so the video gets the stamp…

      1. NYNYNYjr

        It's just everything. If I was reading an erotic romance novel, I would want this scene to be the climax.

  12. ElPinche

    Is that a valid police move? I just don't see that in the official PD training:
    "Ok, officer, feel your anger, your pants are choking the life out of you , feel your vent up racism, think about your small penis and impotency , FEEL THE RAGE!! Choke your partner!!! "

      1. ElPinche

        I was going to go there, but that would have been my second Star Wars reference for the day. I'll let C_R_Eature keep his crown as wonknerd of the day.

  13. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Don't those guys ever have to pass a fitness test or anything? What a fat fuck.

  14. sati_demise

    oh, that motto makes sense now:
    To Serve (himself at the all you can eat buffet)
    and Protect (his tiny mind from anything a drunk kid may say by pressing on a major artery)

      1. Baconzgood

        I'm no longer a Pirates fan. At least with the Cubs there is no hope and never will be. But this year is their…ahhhhh forget it. Who am I kidding.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          Out here, in my part of the country we have these guys called the Seattle Mariners…

          1. Baconzgood

            I don't know the Bucks are working on their 20th season under .500. That's pretty hard to beat. It's a tough 2 decades in the North Shore.

          2. Lascauxcaveman

            My Mariners lost ten more games last year than your crap-crap-crappy Mets. [/puffs up chest] And that was with one of the best pitching staffs in all of baseball!

            What else ya' got Met Boy, huh? C'mon, bring it!

    1. littlebigdaddy

      Speaking as a former Chi-towner and Cubs fan, I must report that I am much happier having transferred my allegiance to the Rockies, who have in 19 years of existence made it to one more World Series than the Cubs in the past 60. Plus Wrigley Field is like the worst football stadium in the UK.

  15. FakaktaSouth

    How is it that I am always on the complete other end of the opinion spectrum from anything someone who would be a part of something called the Fox Nation thinks? I mean EVERY time, on EVERY topic, without fail. Is it me? I think it's me.

    1. tessiee

      For years I thought that was:
      "Sgt. O'Leary is walking the beat,
      Tiny becomes a bartender"

      I figured Tiny was one of those big burly guys with the shaved head and all the tattoos, tending bar.

  16. Trannysurprise

    This neighborhood watch guy is out of control. The next thing you know they will be shooting the kids.

  17. Antispandex

    The Fox viewers like it because they heard it wrong. They thought it was a chicken, not a kid…well, to tell the truth, either one would spark up their dull jobless (Obama's fault) lives.

  18. Trannysurprise

    Rough Translation:
    Cop: I can't wear green and don't pinch me punk!
    Asian: You no wear green You no get not pinched!
    Cop: You are not even Irish!
    Asian's Girlfriend: He's right babe you are Filipino.
    Asian: I stomp my feet and karate chop you!

    Credit – stolen straight from Youtube.

  19. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Mike went all ragey after Molly lost all that weight and dumped him for his skinny black friend.

  20. Antispandex

    Also…"Chicago, home of the fat cop, and really great hotdogs. Coincidence? I don't think so!"

  21. OneYieldRegular

    Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke
    You gotta understand
    It's just our bringin' upke
    That gets us out of hand
    Our mothers all are junkies
    Our fathers all are drunks
    Golly Moses, naturally we're punks

  22. fuflans

    i hate the police, don't you?
    i don't know, but i seem to feel better when they're not around.


  23. GhostBuggy

    When I click on the video, it says it's private. It looks like Fox Nation believes what happens between a video of police brutality and its fap-fap-fapping audience is nobody's business. Too bad they don't extend that courtesy to the rest of us.

      1. Boojum_Reborn

        Dear Our Lady,

        I believe that Prommie was employing the First Person Sarcastic.



  24. GeorgiaBurning

    Remind the Nation that the cop is represented by a union and gets a government pension at retirement. That will cheer them up.

    1. MilwaukeeKent

      Thanks for posting this. When I clicked the Wonkette link it actually said the poster no longer has a YouTube account. Ugly video all around, the ugliest part was the comments on the link you posted. Need shower now.

  25. Boojum_Reborn

    I love the headline of the video. "Cop Chokes Out Mouthy Drunk Kid on St. Patty’s Day".

    "Mouthy Drunk Kid". No bias there.

  26. Jukesgrrl

    Don't tell me … this is the training video Ray Kelly is using to prepare New York's finest for their springtime Occupy antics.

    What did I win?

  27. MilwaukeeKent

    There are two kinds of cops in this world: professional and the other kind. Officer Donuts lost his cool, instead of the kid getting gripped, cuffed, arrested and given a DC charge, the City of Chicago has a lawsuit on it's hands, or should.

    1. Negropolis

      That's thing; for a properly trained person with te right temperament for such a stressful job, this could have been a very easy, by-the-book arrest.

    2. One_Man_Band

      Yup. I'm not saying what the cop did was justified, but I totally understand why he did it. And… that's why I'm not a cop. He's supposed to be a professional and not succumb to his urge to choke a kid that weighs about the same as his average breakfast platter.

  28. Negropolis

    "Fat Chicago Cop" is kind of redundant.

    Let me tell you, it's going to be a long, hot and fat Occupy Summer in Chicago, this year. And nothing will have been worse than a hot, fat Chicago cop during a Chicago summer. Talk about nerves. If you're sweating like a hooker in church walking a block during a Lake Effect in the middle of winter…God have mercy on those hippy's souls.

  29. Isyaignert

    Whaddya mean the uploader closed their YouTube account and the video can no longer be seen? Oh man!

  30. ttommyunger

    Can't click on the vid? No worries, it will be on endless loop all summer. Different cops, different kids, different localities, same shit…..guaranteed; it's already starting.

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