MAMA SAID CHOKE YOU OUT  3:30 pm March 20, 2012

Fat Chicago Cop Chokes Kid Out to Rousing Applause of ‘Fox Nation’

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hey Officer KrupkeHere is a kid probably being an asshole. He is all aggro and in this fat cop’s face even while some pretty girl with long luscious hair tries to stop him by distracting him with her young nubile body. Yup, total jerkwad move, kid. We get it, you have testosterone now. Maybe go smoke a joint or something, jeez. And here is the cop, weighing in at two or three bills (?) and pushing the girl off the young man so he can choke him out with his big fat cop hands until he is prone on the ground with 2 or 300 (?) pounds of fat cop on him. This is what we in the legal community (we are not a part of the legal community) call “excessive use of force” sometimes, at least if the person is white. But what do the legal scholars of Fox Nation think of this video?
Cool! “Cool!” video after the jump!

 
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{ 134 comments }

Doktor StrangeZoom March 20, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Huh-huh…huh… Police brutality's COOL! Huh-huh…

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Da beers!

tessiee March 20, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Beavis: Huh-huh-huh, kicking ass kicks ass!
Butthead: Hey, Beavis! That guy is, like, FAT!

Callyson March 20, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Fighting instead of sex? Time for AA, kid…

4TheTurnstiles March 20, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Fox Nation & fat fuck cop, look in the mirror:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIDAI0vfUYg

neiltheblaze March 20, 2012 at 3:34 pm

If the cop gets fired, never fear. There's an opening at a certain Sheriff's office in Florida he can apply for.

tessiee March 20, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Or campus rent a cop at Berkeley.

JustPixelz March 20, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Can we recognize Fox Nation at the U.N.? Then invade it, replace its government and install a King of some kind. Howzabout John King? Or the Burger King?

bnerd85 March 20, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Wouldn't the title "Grand Dragon" be more appropriate for Fox Nation?

Gleem McShineys March 20, 2012 at 4:24 pm

The Burger King? Empty plastic heads already rule FOX News, so why not?

tessiee March 20, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Also, it's not like the Burger King could get any creepier.

GhostBuggy March 20, 2012 at 4:47 pm

We should invade them, <remove> their leaders and convert them to The Church of the Subgenius.

Negropolis March 20, 2012 at 11:36 pm

We could install Don King, though, I'm not sure if it'd be governed any different than it is today.

Joey_Blau March 21, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Na.. they already lost to Wendy's… let's invade them instead

Mahousu March 20, 2012 at 3:35 pm

It's just a traditional Chicago first day of spring ritual.

Also a first day of summer ritual.

And a first day of fall, and …

slowhansolo March 20, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Our hero first responders can do no wrong, people, what the fuck's wrong with you?

Local_Mojo March 20, 2012 at 3:36 pm

He was totally resisting the lecture!

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Of course they think it's cool. The kid is brown.

Lascauxcaveman March 20, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Umm, green shirt? Obviously Irish. Kid totally had it coming, if just for that.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 3:37 pm

The huge bull limpet, enraged by the rock, endeavours to encircle its sprightly opponent…

JustPixelz March 20, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Fortunately that kid wasn't facing down a neighborhood watch volunteer. But then Fox Nation might have upped the rating to "kewl".

memzilla March 20, 2012 at 3:38 pm

A clear example of flabbius corpus.

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Obviously, the Chicago PD isn't too stringent on the annual physical fitness requirement for their officers.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Are you kidding? He's comparatively buff for the CPD! He probably won the Mr Chicago contest.

Pop_Socket March 20, 2012 at 3:47 pm

So Mike and Molly is a documentary?

fuflans March 20, 2012 at 4:43 pm

i took a random picture at chicago pride a couple years back. some wingtards with christian hate signs, my gay friends and some cops 'keeping the peace'.

when we looked at the full screen results, we saw that all five people had exactly the same physique and huge bellies. it's really really funny.

BornInATrailer March 20, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Choking Cop and Pepper Spray Cop need to get together for the best cop movie duo since Lethal Weapon.

slowhansolo March 20, 2012 at 3:43 pm

They fuck you at the Free Speech Zone.

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 3:43 pm

"I'm getting too old fat for this shit."

smokefilledroommate March 20, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Choke 'n' Pepper III: Still Chokin' and Sprayin'

BornInATrailer March 20, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Diet Choke & Dr. Pepper?

smokefilledroommate March 20, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Choke would have to lose 500 lbs.

BornInATrailer March 21, 2012 at 12:13 pm

omg, how did they not get called Assault 'n Pepper?

Naked_Bunny March 20, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Which one is Turner and which one is Hooch?

littlebigdaddy March 20, 2012 at 9:14 pm

And then they form a superband with the "don't tase me bro" cop, and get a gig on CMT. With a special guest appearance by Jeff Foxworthy.

tessiee March 20, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Jeff Foxworthy is marginally acceptable; it would have to be with Larry the Cable Guy.
[Sideshow Bob shudder]

dadanarchist March 20, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Apparently FOX viewers don't find this difficult to masturbate to.

Goonemeritus March 20, 2012 at 3:40 pm

When I was that age my girlfriends were always instigating my problems with the police. If I had her by my side I would probably be CEO of GE by now. Instead I'm gooning for a lesser fortune 500, distinguished mainly for its lack of rigor in background checking.

MissTaken March 20, 2012 at 3:40 pm

IF Fox actually reported on the Trayvon Martin murder the Nation would also agree that the post was COOL!.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Not only is the cop twice the weight of the kid, but he's like six inches taller and carrying a gun.

Geez, I guess he thought it wouldn't be a fair fight, since he wasn't wearing riot gear!

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ March 20, 2012 at 3:41 pm

All the better to get at that tender, young, sweet ass.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Makes the best barbecue.

WhatTheHeck March 20, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I have no idea why cops are called pigs. Doesn’t make sense.

Exhausted66 March 20, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Anthony Weiner at 1:08!

neiltheblaze March 20, 2012 at 3:43 pm

These are things I learned as a kid.

Lesson #1 – when you're a kid and dealing with a cop, always "shut the fuck up".

Lesson #2. If you speak, call him Sir, and then shut the fuck up again.

Allow him to make all the mistakes? You may walk. Make the mistakes yourself, you're toast. Very simple.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Well, yea, but this is like a chihuahua (no ethnic comparison intended) yapping in the face of a mastiff. The mastiff would laugh it off.

This jerk is heading for a departmental hearing.

neiltheblaze March 20, 2012 at 3:47 pm

There were no cell phones back in the day.

pdiddycornchips March 20, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Good advice. Those rights enumerated in the preamble of the Constitution are just for show. We aren't really allowed to exercise them.

neiltheblaze March 20, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Kids only have the constitutional rights adults say they do. That's how we roll here in the Land of the Free.

tessiee March 20, 2012 at 11:34 pm

My High School used to have a FREEDOM SHRINE.
This consisted of large, laminated copies of the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights.
I would bet money that at least one student got detention for talking in the hallways within clear view of the FREEDOM SHRINE (and the freedom of speech enshrined therein).

neiltheblaze March 21, 2012 at 7:31 am

Talking in the hallways is subversive!

Lascauxcaveman March 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Eh, a smart kid knows which battles are worth fighting. Something I stress to my own children.

Drunk-in-public teenagers should just stand down when a cop gets all puffy. Not that cop is right; just that you can't win that one.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I gotta think the kid figured there was just one cop…albeit one fucking Jabba the Hutt cop…and all his buds who'd have his back.

Um, oops.

pdiddycornchips March 20, 2012 at 4:16 pm

No argument. It's just that spring time makes me pine for a time long since past. A time when we enjoyed a kinder, gentler police state.

Negropolis March 20, 2012 at 11:39 pm

If you're already dunk in public, there is no fucking way you're standing down. So, I guess the real piece of advice, here, is not to be drunk in public.

BTW, to no one in particular, and really not even to this case in particular, but my philosophy has always been that we expect more of people in authority on a job than we do of someone in their capacity as a civilian, and that we should expect more of the former than the latter. It is a civilian's right to be a dick to authority, period. It's authority's responsibility to do everything within their power to de-escalte a situation, if even it is within their right to exercize authority. That's why they are trained; less is indeed more when it comes to exercizing authority lest you lose your moral authority. In fact, this was kind of ruled by the courts to be the case here in Michigan where mouthy civilizans were given tickets for asking why they were given tickets…and the civilians subsequently won their lawsuits.

DaRooster March 20, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Why (and how) does that cop have on a Kevlar vest?? He is already impenetrable.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 3:47 pm

It's not Kevlar, it's Spanx. It's keeping him in.

Naked_Bunny March 20, 2012 at 4:37 pm

It's an industrial strength sports bra.

SorosBot March 20, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Gah; fuck the police once again.

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 3:44 pm

"The Nation Thinks This Post is COOL."

I used to subscribe to The Nation, now I remember why I let my subscription lapse.

NeonTrotsky March 20, 2012 at 5:35 pm

That there thingy is for Fox Nation, not The Nation.

GreatChristiano March 20, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Yet that is so freakin' cool, to get the official stamp!

It's like the cop has the badge,

and so the video gets the stamp…

owhatever March 20, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Did the T-shirt say "Kiss me,I'm Irish"…or "Beat the shit out of me, please, sir."

NYNYNYjr March 20, 2012 at 3:47 pm

This video is not difficult to masturbate to.

smokefilledroommate March 20, 2012 at 4:06 pm

It has to be the girl, right? Not the five-hundred pound pigman and the choking.

Kidneys4Sale March 20, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Oh relax. The fat guy was given a safety word.

NYNYNYjr March 20, 2012 at 5:08 pm

It's just everything. If I was reading an erotic romance novel, I would want this scene to be the climax.

ElPinche March 20, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Is that a valid police move? I just don't see that in the official PD training:
"Ok, officer, feel your anger, your pants are choking the life out of you , feel your vent up racism, think about your small penis and impotency , FEEL THE RAGE!! Choke your partner!!! "

Negropolis March 20, 2012 at 11:50 pm

"I can feel your anger. It gives you focus, makes you stronger!"

ElPinche March 20, 2012 at 11:54 pm

I was going to go there, but that would have been my second Star Wars reference for the day. I'll let C_R_Eature keep his crown as wonknerd of the day.

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 20, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Don't those guys ever have to pass a fitness test or anything? What a fat fuck.

Pop_Socket March 20, 2012 at 3:48 pm

He should have shot the kid and pleaded self-defense. It works in Florida.

sati_demise March 20, 2012 at 3:49 pm

oh, that motto makes sense now:
To Serve (himself at the all you can eat buffet)
and Protect (his tiny mind from anything a drunk kid may say by pressing on a major artery)

Baconzgood March 20, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Is that the Mullin's on Clark? I used to get plowed there before Cubs games.

Lascauxcaveman March 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm

(Because G_d help help you if you had to watch the Cubs sober.)

Baconzgood March 20, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I'm no longer a Pirates fan. At least with the Cubs there is no hope and never will be. But this year is their…ahhhhh forget it. Who am I kidding.

Lascauxcaveman March 20, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Out here, in my part of the country we have these guys called the Seattle Mariners…

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I'll see your crappy teams and raise you my Mets.

littlebigdaddy March 20, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Speaking as a former Chi-towner and Cubs fan, I must report that I am much happier having transferred my allegiance to the Rockies, who have in 19 years of existence made it to one more World Series than the Cubs in the past 60. Plus Wrigley Field is like the worst football stadium in the UK.

FakaktaSouth March 20, 2012 at 3:51 pm

How is it that I am always on the complete other end of the opinion spectrum from anything someone who would be a part of something called the Fox Nation thinks? I mean EVERY time, on EVERY topic, without fail. Is it me? I think it's me.

edgydrifter March 20, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Fox would certainly like you to think that.

sullivanst March 20, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Yes it's you.

You, and your ounce of human decency.

Lascauxcaveman March 20, 2012 at 4:36 pm

"Next on FOX: Puppies; They're Just So Adorable."

Boojum_Reborn March 20, 2012 at 7:44 pm

"When You Smash Their Heads".

meatlofer March 20, 2012 at 3:54 pm

At night he becomes a bartender!

Lascauxcaveman March 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Working too hard can give you a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack.

(Soon, hopefully.)

tessiee March 20, 2012 at 11:37 pm

For years I thought that was:
"Sgt. O'Leary is walking the beat,
Tiny becomes a bartender"

I figured Tiny was one of those big burly guys with the shaved head and all the tattoos, tending bar.

Trannysurprise March 20, 2012 at 3:54 pm

This neighborhood watch guy is out of control. The next thing you know they will be shooting the kids.

Antispandex March 20, 2012 at 3:58 pm

The Fox viewers like it because they heard it wrong. They thought it was a chicken, not a kid…well, to tell the truth, either one would spark up their dull jobless (Obama's fault) lives.

BornInATrailer March 20, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Just keep choking that Filipino.

swordfis March 20, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Excellent ongoing commentary by Brownshirt youths. Sieg (belch) Heil.

Chet Kincaid March 20, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I liked "Mike & Molly" better before all the Very Special Norman Lear Episodes.

smokefilledroommate March 20, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Teh Wonkette needs a 'certified cool' tag for all posts– "Teh Wonkett thinks this post is Kewl! Derp!"

Trannysurprise March 20, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Rough Translation:
Cop: I can't wear green and don't pinch me punk!
Asian: You no wear green You no get not pinched!
Cop: You are not even Irish!
Asian's Girlfriend: He's right babe you are Filipino.
Asian: I stomp my feet and karate chop you!

Credit – stolen straight from Youtube.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I was so hoping this video had closed captioning. I can imagine it would go pretty much along those lines.

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 20, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Mike went all ragey after Molly lost all that weight and dumped him for his skinny black friend.

PuckStopsHere March 20, 2012 at 4:06 pm

He was fleeing the interview!!!

Antispandex March 20, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Also…"Chicago, home of the fat cop, and really great hotdogs. Coincidence? I don't think so!"

GeorgiaBurning March 20, 2012 at 5:09 pm

don't forget the deep-dish pizza

littlebigdaddy March 20, 2012 at 9:21 pm

And ribs.

OneYieldRegular March 20, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke
You gotta understand
It's just our bringin' upke
That gets us out of hand
Our mothers all are junkies
Our fathers all are drunks
Golly Moses, naturally we're punks

BornInATrailer March 20, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Choking: It's foreplay, essentially.

Tundra Grifter March 20, 2012 at 4:29 pm

"This video is private."

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Holy crap! They really did pull the vid!

Bonzos_Bed_Time March 20, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Someone's lawyering up!

elburritodeluxe March 20, 2012 at 4:39 pm

After the 911 can we afford not to choke annoying non-white teens?

elburritodeluxe March 20, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Looks like Paul Blart turned into quite the badass.

fuflans March 20, 2012 at 4:46 pm

i hate the police, don't you?
i don't know, but i seem to feel better when they're not around.

barfly

GhostBuggy March 20, 2012 at 4:49 pm

When I click on the video, it says it's private. It looks like Fox Nation believes what happens between a video of police brutality and its fap-fap-fapping audience is nobody's business. Too bad they don't extend that courtesy to the rest of us.

prommie March 20, 2012 at 4:58 pm

And he's not even a coon!

commiegirl March 20, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Back it up there, Prommie.

Boojum_Reborn March 20, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Dear Our Lady,

I believe that Prommie was employing the First Person Sarcastic.

Sincerely,

Boojum

MosesInvests March 20, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Who let this riff-raff into the room?

GeorgiaBurning March 20, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Remind the Nation that the cop is represented by a union and gets a government pension at retirement. That will cheer them up.

Isyaignert March 21, 2012 at 12:38 am

No kidding. Those dumfuk kops are one layoff away from joining OWS.

HippieEsq March 20, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Techincally, we in the legal community call that "Excessive Use of Fat".

Neoyorquino March 20, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Same action (possibly) different video: http://youtu.be/umTawimFYLs

MilwaukeeKent March 20, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Thanks for posting this. When I clicked the Wonkette link it actually said the poster no longer has a YouTube account. Ugly video all around, the ugliest part was the comments on the link you posted. Need shower now.

Neoyorquino March 21, 2012 at 3:01 am

Ah, the wit and wisdom of the YouTube comment thread…

FieryLocks March 20, 2012 at 7:30 pm

It says the video is private…what's up with that?

Boojum_Reborn March 20, 2012 at 7:51 pm

I love the headline of the video. "Cop Chokes Out Mouthy Drunk Kid on St. Patty’s Day".

"Mouthy Drunk Kid". No bias there.

Jukesgrrl March 20, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Don't tell me … this is the training video Ray Kelly is using to prepare New York's finest for their springtime Occupy antics.

What did I win?

Maman March 20, 2012 at 8:46 pm

And THAT, my friends, is why I was terrified letting teens leave the house last Saturday.

littlebigdaddy March 20, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Police brutality in Chicago? Who knew?

MilwaukeeKent March 20, 2012 at 9:42 pm

There are two kinds of cops in this world: professional and the other kind. Officer Donuts lost his cool, instead of the kid getting gripped, cuffed, arrested and given a DC charge, the City of Chicago has a lawsuit on it's hands, or should.

Negropolis March 20, 2012 at 11:54 pm

That's thing; for a properly trained person with te right temperament for such a stressful job, this could have been a very easy, by-the-book arrest.

MilwaukeeKent March 21, 2012 at 12:28 am

High burn-out level — Donuts reached his.

One_Man_Band March 21, 2012 at 1:23 am

Yup. I'm not saying what the cop did was justified, but I totally understand why he did it. And… that's why I'm not a cop. He's supposed to be a professional and not succumb to his urge to choke a kid that weighs about the same as his average breakfast platter.

Negropolis March 20, 2012 at 11:35 pm

"Fat Chicago Cop" is kind of redundant.

Let me tell you, it's going to be a long, hot and fat Occupy Summer in Chicago, this year. And nothing will have been worse than a hot, fat Chicago cop during a Chicago summer. Talk about nerves. If you're sweating like a hooker in church walking a block during a Lake Effect in the middle of winter…God have mercy on those hippy's souls.

Isyaignert March 21, 2012 at 12:36 am

Whaddya mean the uploader closed their YouTube account and the video can no longer be seen? Oh man!

ttommyunger March 21, 2012 at 8:25 am

Can't click on the vid? No worries, it will be on endless loop all summer. Different cops, different kids, different localities, same shit…..guaranteed; it's already starting.

CessnaDriver March 21, 2012 at 12:37 pm

The link says the account on YouTube was deleted by the owner.

Baconzgood March 20, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I don't know the Bucks are working on their 20th season under .500. That's pretty hard to beat. It's a tough 2 decades in the North Shore.

Lascauxcaveman March 20, 2012 at 6:42 pm

My Mariners lost ten more games last year than your crap-crap-crappy Mets. [/puffs up chest] And that was with one of the best pitching staffs in all of baseball!

What else ya' got Met Boy, huh? C'mon, bring it!

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