TODAY IN POLLERY  2:40 pm March 20, 2012

Voters Simply Don’t Care For Callista Gingrich, Who Is Not Running For Anything

by Jim Newell

Callista, flanked by The SpeakerWhy do pollsters do polls about candidates’ spouses? They just sort of stand there, on the trail, smiling, and then if the candidate wins they may launch some benign PR initiative, like recommending good nutrition and exercise for children. In other words, they poll candidates’ spouses because they’re extremely important figures who could end up indoctrinating our children! And Callista “Cally” Gingrich, according to the latest PPP poll, has an 18% favorability rating. It seems there’s quite a bit of jealousy out there among the 82% of American voters who haven’t had the pleasure of marrying Newt Gingrich yet.

Republican first lady candidates Karen Santorum and Ann Romney are still relatively unknown, but at least they manage to keep a positive net favorability rating despite being married to horribly unfavorable human-dildo husbands:

-Michelle Obama has a 54/34 favorability rating, compared to her husband’s 48/48 approval.

-Ann Romney has a 31/22 favorability rating, compared to her husband’s 33/58.

-Karen Santorum has a 31/27 favorability rating, compared to her husband’s 36/53.

ON THE OTHER HAND:

-Callista Gingrich is actually pretty unpopular, with an 18/44 favorability rating. But it’s at least better than her husband’s 28/61.

When will Robert De Niro apologize for conducting this poll?

[PPP]

 
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{ 111 comments }

Maman March 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm

What is wrong with Americans? She should be polling tops with trollops!

memzilla March 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

"Polling tops" … that's how she got to be Newt's third wife, innit?

el_donaldo March 20, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Topping poles?

Barb March 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm

When asked what she was giving up for Lent she replied, "my opinion" Seriously. I think she should have answered, "all hopes of being the FLOTUS"

Terry March 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Remember that Newtie fell for her because he felt she could make him President. I'd say that after Newtie's embarassed in Tampa that Callista may join the growing ranks of ex-Mrs Gingrich's. On the other hand, Callista doesn't have a potentially debilitating illness so he may let her skate a while longer.

DaRooster March 20, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I would gain mass respect for her if she left him. Even though she is a mannequin she is too good for him.

sullivanst March 20, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Is there a woman on the planet who isn't too good for Newt Gingrich? My mind's blank…

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Todd Palin's masseuse/prostitute?

Lascauxcaveman March 20, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Her profile in the New Yorker a couple of months ago has all the depressing details. She was kind of a dowdy chubby as teen and young adult, not too popular, not many friends, got involved in campaigns for local conservatives, ended up working in the notorious Newts office, hooked up with him despite all the polite cautions from friends and loved ones.

Basically a decent and smart kid from the from the middle class making a last desperate grab at fame and power, despite being fully aware of the cost.

JustPixelz March 20, 2012 at 4:58 pm

I thought she gave up that processor upgrade Romney told her about.

memzilla March 20, 2012 at 2:45 pm

You go to war with the third wife you have, not the third wife you wish you had.

rickmaci March 20, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Bhaaaaahaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaaaa. Funniest post here. I nominate you for a Wonkie for Best Post about a Candidate Spouse in 2012.

Negropolis March 21, 2012 at 1:35 am

That's right; dance with (blow) the one who brung ya'.

comrad_darkness March 20, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Callista? That sounds ferrin…

chascates March 20, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Crazy Roman dictator?

Mahousu March 20, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Callista's going to be sooo mad. America will have to buy her some jewelry to make up for it. And none of that cubic zirconia crap, either.

sullivanst March 20, 2012 at 3:18 pm

No indeed. Nothing short of genuine whore diamonds will do.

SorosBot March 20, 2012 at 2:45 pm

But who doesn't want an animated real doll with a face carved to look like a bird's, a plastic helmet for hair, and a botox-induced permanent Joker grin?

comrad_darkness March 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Um, doesn't that describe all the fox news talking heads? Especially if you add in "blond"

Ruhe March 20, 2012 at 3:02 pm

She does have a bird face. Maybe she's a Diet Dew addict.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Um, apparently at least 44% of Americans.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 2:46 pm

In fairness, the American people haven't see her the way Newt has: on her knees, face down in their laps.

Boojum_Reborn March 21, 2012 at 1:03 am

Are you sure? What ELSE could explain South Carolina?

I mean, besides inbreeding.

memzilla March 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

So much for the "Cally Helmet" hairstyle sweeping the nation… which looks like you could slice cheese and carrots on the sharp edges of it.

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

How much would you pay for this handy kitchen tool? Don't answer yet, because there's MORE!

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I'd rather have the Slap Chop and you can throw Vince in the bargain.

chicken_thief March 20, 2012 at 4:29 pm

BILLY MAYS LIBEL!!!!

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

I had to re-read that. I thought you said "pulling tops with trollops."

ChernobylSoup March 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I read it as "trollop flavored lollipops" and immediately filed for a patent.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Say, do you still have samples of Strawberry Skank?

DaRooster March 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

"…if the candidate wins they may launch some benign PR initiative, like recommending good nutrition and exercise for children."

Only the good ones… how dare she.

Tundra Grifter March 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Just think how few people would like her if Callista ever actually said something?

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm

It's not polite to talk with your mouth full.

Ruhe March 20, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Zing.

ph7 March 20, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Why do pollsters do polls about candidates’ spouses? They Callista just sort of stand lies there, on the trail bed, smiling enduring .

Fixed.

tcaalaw March 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Maybe Callista could use Newt's interest-free Tiffany credit line to buy some nice trinkets for random members of the American public to get those poll numbers up?

Chet Kincaid March 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

This is outrageous! "Callista Gingrich" is Heath Ledger's greatest role!

prommie March 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I was thinking she could be played by that marionette, the one named "Madame"? Whateever happened to that act?

Chet Kincaid March 20, 2012 at 2:59 pm

No no, somebody already called dibs on Madame for Karen Santorum in the previous post!

el_donaldo March 20, 2012 at 3:06 pm

We can't be sure she's not Andy Kaufman.

BornInATrailer March 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm

No thank you very much.

Man0nTheStreet March 20, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Doncha mean "Tim Curry's greatest role"?

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I might take her home, if I was shit-faced drunk and it was closing time and I was horny as a three-balled tomcat, but when I woke up the next morning and she was asleep on my arm, I would chew it off so I could leave without waking her. And then I'd chew off the other arm, because I'd know she was out there looking for a one-armed man. And then I would stop drinking. I mean, I would really stop drinking.

ifthethunderdontgetya March 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Take my advice and just say no, Baldar.

(To Cally, of course. Drinking is too important to let go.)
~

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Oh thank god. I thought someone nymjacked you.

DaRooster March 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Myself?

I used to make sure I had a bottle next to me for the morning… saves on arms.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I know what you mean. I used to have a mannequin fixation too.

Texan_Bulldog March 20, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Those are called coyote dates in TX. Swear to Allah–where you'd rather chew off your arm than wake her/him up.

Man0nTheStreet March 20, 2012 at 4:59 pm

"And then I would stop drinking. I mean, I would really stop drinking."

Riiiiiiiight… that what you said the last time this happened!

Negropolis March 21, 2012 at 1:41 am

That. Was. Hilarious. I like the way you think, and I'd like to subscribe to your (insane) newsletter…

Sassomatic March 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I'm thinking it's time Newt starts looking around for a replacement. This would make a fantastic Fox reality gameshow.

Who Wants to Marry the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man?

edgydrifter March 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Personally, I find all bipedal human-raptor hybrids slightly unsettling.

MissTaken March 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Has anyone told her she has more of a chance of achieving an orgasm with Newt than of ever becoming FLOTUS?

SorosBot March 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Maybe she spontaneously orgasms every time she gets a Tiffany's diamond? Otherwise yeah; you know that right wing assholes will never go down on a woman.

Chet Kincaid March 20, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Something about your comments makes me think you're a Cunnilingus Enthusiast. Are you going to CunnyCon 2012?

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 3:04 pm

You make that sound like it's a bad thing.

SorosBot March 20, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Oh I am; and really I think any straight man who isn't one is a moron.

BornInATrailer March 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Or gay woman. But I guess that one is obvious.

chicken_thief March 20, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Tastes great. Less filling.

rickmaci March 20, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Another thing I have in common with my lesbian friends.

dijetlo March 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I don't know….something about her just screams "Stranger Danger" to me….

Goonemeritus March 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I don’t think it’s any American’s business to approve or disapprove of her long standing adulterous behavior.

johnnyzhivago March 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I think the problem is that she smiles TOO FUCKING MUCH!

Biff March 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I imagine newt has patented her Rictus Grin® by now.

Baconzgood March 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I find it hard to snark on this woman. I really really want to but she's just so "Meh".

Negropolis March 21, 2012 at 1:44 am

That's what she said.

You're right; I got nuthin'.

Tilley March 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

FLOTUSes manquées are people too, my friend. Well okay, perhaps not this particular bunch.

prommie March 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Them white bitches look like they all have sticks up their asses, is what.

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

"-Callista Gingrich is actually pretty unpopular, with an 18/44 favorability rating."

Homewreckers are never very popular.

rickmaci March 20, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Poor CG. People are always throwing the Nine Commandments at her.

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ March 20, 2012 at 2:55 pm

She looks like her "matronly mandate" would be binging and purging.

Chet Kincaid March 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Well, America has not seen her Halloween act down at the Jaycees Haunted House.

prommie March 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Fucking Jaycees, man, the fraternity for the Vo-tech crowd.

Negropolis March 21, 2012 at 1:46 am

Well, bobbing for Newt's apples would horrify them.

Mumbletypeg March 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

"When will Robert De Niro apologize for conducting this poll?"

Soon as Newt apologizes for his conductunbecoming — that, or when Callista's chill factor drops enough to thaw her aura so she can photosynthesize.

slowhansolo March 20, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Those pollsters have a real nose for news.

MissTaken March 20, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Callista as FLOTUS will be fun! She can give all the White House interns lessons on how to turn your nasty affair with your fat fuck of a boss into a marriage! She can go on the Today* show and talk about how many cans of hairspray it takes to get her hair just right each morning! It will be FANTASTIC!

*But not the Hoda and Kathie Lee version of Today because they are fun and drunk.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 3:05 pm

She'd probably start some First Lady initiative like "Bleaching Your Face Cures Acne" or something.

chicken_thief March 20, 2012 at 4:41 pm

"…how many cans of hairspray it takes to get her hair just right …"

Maybe when Newt kicks her to the curb, John Edwards can move in on the action. Then he and Callista can sit around all day and do their hair together.

Not_So_Much March 20, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Was she the cover model for the Beatle's 'White Album'?

Deportably_Jose March 20, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I guess America really Isn't ready for a white First Lady.

Joey_Blau March 20, 2012 at 3:03 pm

secret furry sex!

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 20, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I'm sure, somewhere deep in the bowels of the Gingrich campaign, polling is already starting to find the fourth Mrs. Gingrich. They won't let this get in the way of their victory!

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm

You, um, misspelled "poleing"

el_donaldo March 20, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Is America ready for a first lady who looks like a Disney villain?

Chet Kincaid March 20, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Cruella Gingrich?

Fare la Volpe March 20, 2012 at 5:28 pm

We already had Barbara Bush.

Chet Kincaid March 20, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Egads!

Negropolis March 21, 2012 at 1:48 am

Well, they sure as hell liked Laura and Barbara Bush, didn't they?

VespulaMaculata March 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm

This needn't be a drawback: if anybody can exchange wives before the convention, it's Newt.

el_donaldo March 20, 2012 at 4:16 pm

He's probably got one on his mind – err, I mean, giving him head right now.

prommie March 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

This is just genius. For me, because I am slow, it was a "3 second" joke, it took me a few beats, and then I saw the perfection of it.

elburritodeluxe March 20, 2012 at 3:16 pm

For "fun", add up the totals and you get:
Michelle Obama with 12% (!) having no opinion;
Ann Romney with 47%;
Karen Santorum with 42%; and
Callista at 38%.

owhatever March 20, 2012 at 3:52 pm

I am not a witch. Wait. Yes, I am.

GortRay March 20, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Is she a number 8 from Battlestar Galacta?

BarackMyWorld March 20, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Weren't the 8s the hot Asian girls?

elgin_pelican March 20, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Baublehead Barbie is trollface.

chicken_thief March 20, 2012 at 4:47 pm

So I guess the moral is: if you are the wife of a Republican candidate for POTUS and you want to be popular with the fine citizens of the US, you either need to help your husband strap a dog to the roof of your car or sleep with a dead baby. Just standing there with a glassy eyed stare don't cut it.

rickmaci March 20, 2012 at 7:38 pm

That whole "dead baby" thing was so Mary Todd Lincoln.

GemlikeFlame March 20, 2012 at 4:56 pm

This is woman who is apparently willing to be intimate with the warm, wonderful human being that is Newt Gingrich.

I think that says everything that needs to be said.

Man0nTheStreet March 20, 2012 at 5:04 pm

The GOoPer base isn't into Callista, eh? Well, fortunately, ol' fat Newter has what – 3 months before the Convention to dump #3 Wife and marry #4, even if he has to swap religions again.

chascates March 20, 2012 at 5:43 pm

When you marry your mistress you create a job opening.

Veritas78 March 20, 2012 at 6:12 pm

"…among the 82% of American voters who haven’t had the pleasure of marrying Newt Gingrich yet."

Ouch. I guess Jim's really back.

labman57 March 20, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Callista overheard constituents complaining to her husband about the unethical conduct of mortgage lenders that led to millions of families going into foreclosure, losing their homes and wrecking their lives.

“Home-wrecking?”, she piped up. “What’s wrong with that?”

chascates March 20, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Hard to reconcile that 'church choir singer' stalwart Catholic with 'committing adultery for 8 years with married boss' aspect.

Jukesgrrl March 20, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Callista is why Newt's "cheerful." He'd be "blissfully happy" if only he didn't have to go to Tiffany's so often.

Negropolis March 21, 2012 at 1:44 am

This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps…

ttommyunger March 21, 2012 at 8:29 am

The elephant has lots of company: everyone but Newt is flaccid around the "C" Lady. Oh, right; it stands for Calista.

WiscDad March 21, 2012 at 11:29 am

She's gonna divorce that fat fuckin' loser anyway…who gives a shit

sullivanst March 20, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Definitely a candidate, although it's not a clearcut case and I for one don't want to think about either one of them at all, let alone for however long it'd take to work out which is the more despicable.

Boojum_Reborn March 21, 2012 at 1:07 am

Truly, I was born a lesbian in a man's body.

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