Callista, flanked by The SpeakerWhy do pollsters do polls about candidates’ spouses? They just sort of stand there, on the trail, smiling, and then if the candidate wins they may launch some benign PR initiative, like recommending good nutrition and exercise for children. In other words, they poll candidates’ spouses because they’re extremely important figures who could end up indoctrinating our children! And Callista “Cally” Gingrich, according to the latest PPP poll, has an 18% favorability rating. It seems there’s quite a bit of jealousy out there among the 82% of American voters who haven’t had the pleasure of marrying Newt Gingrich yet.

Republican first lady candidates Karen Santorum and Ann Romney are still relatively unknown, but at least they manage to keep a positive net favorability rating despite being married to horribly unfavorable human-dildo husbands:

-Michelle Obama has a 54/34 favorability rating, compared to her husband’s 48/48 approval.

-Ann Romney has a 31/22 favorability rating, compared to her husband’s 33/58.

-Karen Santorum has a 31/27 favorability rating, compared to her husband’s 36/53.


-Callista Gingrich is actually pretty unpopular, with an 18/44 favorability rating. But it’s at least better than her husband’s 28/61.

When will Robert De Niro apologize for conducting this poll?


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  • What is wrong with Americans? She should be polling tops with trollops!

    • memzilla

      "Polling tops" … that's how she got to be Newt's third wife, innit?

      • el_donaldo

        Topping poles?

  • Barb

    When asked what she was giving up for Lent she replied, "my opinion" Seriously. I think she should have answered, "all hopes of being the FLOTUS"

    • Terry

      Remember that Newtie fell for her because he felt she could make him President. I'd say that after Newtie's embarassed in Tampa that Callista may join the growing ranks of ex-Mrs Gingrich's. On the other hand, Callista doesn't have a potentially debilitating illness so he may let her skate a while longer.

      • DaRooster

        I would gain mass respect for her if she left him. Even though she is a mannequin she is too good for him.

        • sullivanst

          Is there a woman on the planet who isn't too good for Newt Gingrich? My mind's blank…

          • Todd Palin's masseuse/prostitute?

          • sullivanst

            Definitely a candidate, although it's not a clearcut case and I for one don't want to think about either one of them at all, let alone for however long it'd take to work out which is the more despicable.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Her profile in the New Yorker a couple of months ago has all the depressing details. She was kind of a dowdy chubby as teen and young adult, not too popular, not many friends, got involved in campaigns for local conservatives, ended up working in the notorious Newts office, hooked up with him despite all the polite cautions from friends and loved ones.

      Basically a decent and smart kid from the from the middle class making a last desperate grab at fame and power, despite being fully aware of the cost.

    • JustPixelz

      I thought she gave up that processor upgrade Romney told her about.

  • memzilla

    You go to war with the third wife you have, not the third wife you wish you had.

    • rickmaci

      Bhaaaaahaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaaaa. Funniest post here. I nominate you for a Wonkie for Best Post about a Candidate Spouse in 2012.

    • Negropolis

      That's right; dance with (blow) the one who brung ya'.

  • comrad_darkness

    Callista? That sounds ferrin…

    • chascates

      Crazy Roman dictator?

  • Mahousu

    Callista's going to be sooo mad. America will have to buy her some jewelry to make up for it. And none of that cubic zirconia crap, either.

    • sullivanst

      No indeed. Nothing short of genuine whore diamonds will do.

  • SorosBot

    But who doesn't want an animated real doll with a face carved to look like a bird's, a plastic helmet for hair, and a botox-induced permanent Joker grin?

    • comrad_darkness

      Um, doesn't that describe all the fox news talking heads? Especially if you add in "blond"

    • Ruhe

      She does have a bird face. Maybe she's a Diet Dew addict.

    • Um, apparently at least 44% of Americans.

  • In fairness, the American people haven't see her the way Newt has: on her knees, face down in their laps.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      Are you sure? What ELSE could explain South Carolina?

      I mean, besides inbreeding.

  • memzilla

    So much for the "Cally Helmet" hairstyle sweeping the nation… which looks like you could slice cheese and carrots on the sharp edges of it.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      How much would you pay for this handy kitchen tool? Don't answer yet, because there's MORE!

      • I'd rather have the Slap Chop and you can throw Vince in the bargain.

      • chicken_thief

        BILLY MAYS LIBEL!!!!

  • I had to re-read that. I thought you said "pulling tops with trollops."

    • ChernobylSoup

      I read it as "trollop flavored lollipops" and immediately filed for a patent.

      • Say, do you still have samples of Strawberry Skank?

  • DaRooster

    "…if the candidate wins they may launch some benign PR initiative, like recommending good nutrition and exercise for children."

    Only the good ones… how dare she.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Just think how few people would like her if Callista ever actually said something?

    • It's not polite to talk with your mouth full.

      • Ruhe


  • ph7

    Why do pollsters do polls about candidates’ spouses? They Callista just sort of stand lies there, on the trail bed, smiling enduring .


  • tcaalaw

    Maybe Callista could use Newt's interest-free Tiffany credit line to buy some nice trinkets for random members of the American public to get those poll numbers up?

  • This is outrageous! "Callista Gingrich" is Heath Ledger's greatest role!

    • prommie

      I was thinking she could be played by that marionette, the one named "Madame"? Whateever happened to that act?

      • No no, somebody already called dibs on Madame for Karen Santorum in the previous post!

    • el_donaldo

      We can't be sure she's not Andy Kaufman.

      • BornInATrailer

        No thank you very much.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      Doncha mean "Tim Curry's greatest role"?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I might take her home, if I was shit-faced drunk and it was closing time and I was horny as a three-balled tomcat, but when I woke up the next morning and she was asleep on my arm, I would chew it off so I could leave without waking her. And then I'd chew off the other arm, because I'd know she was out there looking for a one-armed man. And then I would stop drinking. I mean, I would really stop drinking.

    • Take my advice and just say no, Baldar.

      (To Cally, of course. Drinking is too important to let go.)

      • Oh thank god. I thought someone nymjacked you.

    • DaRooster


      I used to make sure I had a bottle next to me for the morning… saves on arms.

    • I know what you mean. I used to have a mannequin fixation too.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Those are called coyote dates in TX. Swear to Allah–where you'd rather chew off your arm than wake her/him up.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      "And then I would stop drinking. I mean, I would really stop drinking."

      Riiiiiiiight… that what you said the last time this happened!

    • Negropolis

      That. Was. Hilarious. I like the way you think, and I'd like to subscribe to your (insane) newsletter…

  • Sassomatic

    I'm thinking it's time Newt starts looking around for a replacement. This would make a fantastic Fox reality gameshow.

    Who Wants to Marry the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man?

  • edgydrifter

    Personally, I find all bipedal human-raptor hybrids slightly unsettling.

  • MissTaken

    Has anyone told her she has more of a chance of achieving an orgasm with Newt than of ever becoming FLOTUS?

    • SorosBot

      Maybe she spontaneously orgasms every time she gets a Tiffany's diamond? Otherwise yeah; you know that right wing assholes will never go down on a woman.

      • Something about your comments makes me think you're a Cunnilingus Enthusiast. Are you going to CunnyCon 2012?

        • You make that sound like it's a bad thing.

        • SorosBot

          Oh I am; and really I think any straight man who isn't one is a moron.

          • BornInATrailer

            Or gay woman. But I guess that one is obvious.

          • chicken_thief

            Tastes great. Less filling.

          • rickmaci

            Another thing I have in common with my lesbian friends.

          • Boojum_Reborn

            Truly, I was born a lesbian in a man's body.

  • dijetlo

    I don't know….something about her just screams "Stranger Danger" to me….

  • Goonemeritus

    I don’t think it’s any American’s business to approve or disapprove of her long standing adulterous behavior.

  • I think the problem is that she smiles TOO FUCKING MUCH!

    • Biff

      I imagine newt has patented her Rictus Grin® by now.

  • Baconzgood

    I find it hard to snark on this woman. I really really want to but she's just so "Meh".

    • Negropolis

      That's what she said.

      You're right; I got nuthin'.

  • Tilley

    FLOTUSes manquées are people too, my friend. Well okay, perhaps not this particular bunch.

  • prommie

    Them white bitches look like they all have sticks up their asses, is what.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "-Callista Gingrich is actually pretty unpopular, with an 18/44 favorability rating."

    Homewreckers are never very popular.

    • rickmaci

      Poor CG. People are always throwing the Nine Commandments at her.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢

    She looks like her "matronly mandate" would be binging and purging.

  • Well, America has not seen her Halloween act down at the Jaycees Haunted House.

    • prommie

      Fucking Jaycees, man, the fraternity for the Vo-tech crowd.

    • Negropolis

      Well, bobbing for Newt's apples would horrify them.

  • "When will Robert De Niro apologize for conducting this poll?"

    Soon as Newt apologizes for his conductunbecoming — that, or when Callista's chill factor drops enough to thaw her aura so she can photosynthesize.

  • Those pollsters have a real nose for news.

  • MissTaken

    Callista as FLOTUS will be fun! She can give all the White House interns lessons on how to turn your nasty affair with your fat fuck of a boss into a marriage! She can go on the Today* show and talk about how many cans of hairspray it takes to get her hair just right each morning! It will be FANTASTIC!

    *But not the Hoda and Kathie Lee version of Today because they are fun and drunk.

    • She'd probably start some First Lady initiative like "Bleaching Your Face Cures Acne" or something.

    • chicken_thief

      "…how many cans of hairspray it takes to get her hair just right …"

      Maybe when Newt kicks her to the curb, John Edwards can move in on the action. Then he and Callista can sit around all day and do their hair together.

  • Not_So_Much

    Was she the cover model for the Beatle's 'White Album'?

  • I guess America really Isn't ready for a white First Lady.

  • Joey_Blau

    secret furry sex!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm sure, somewhere deep in the bowels of the Gingrich campaign, polling is already starting to find the fourth Mrs. Gingrich. They won't let this get in the way of their victory!

    • You, um, misspelled "poleing"

  • el_donaldo

    Is America ready for a first lady who looks like a Disney villain?

  • VespulaMaculata

    This needn't be a drawback: if anybody can exchange wives before the convention, it's Newt.

    • el_donaldo

      He's probably got one on his mind – err, I mean, giving him head right now.

  • prommie

    This is just genius. For me, because I am slow, it was a "3 second" joke, it took me a few beats, and then I saw the perfection of it.

  • elburritodeluxe

    For "fun", add up the totals and you get:
    Michelle Obama with 12% (!) having no opinion;
    Ann Romney with 47%;
    Karen Santorum with 42%; and
    Callista at 38%.

  • owhatever

    I am not a witch. Wait. Yes, I am.

  • GortRay

    Is she a number 8 from Battlestar Galacta?

    • BarackMyWorld

      Weren't the 8s the hot Asian girls?

  • elgin_pelican

    Baublehead Barbie is trollface.

  • chicken_thief

    So I guess the moral is: if you are the wife of a Republican candidate for POTUS and you want to be popular with the fine citizens of the US, you either need to help your husband strap a dog to the roof of your car or sleep with a dead baby. Just standing there with a glassy eyed stare don't cut it.

    • rickmaci

      That whole "dead baby" thing was so Mary Todd Lincoln.

  • GemlikeFlame

    This is woman who is apparently willing to be intimate with the warm, wonderful human being that is Newt Gingrich.

    I think that says everything that needs to be said.

  • Man0nTheStreet

    The GOoPer base isn't into Callista, eh? Well, fortunately, ol' fat Newter has what – 3 months before the Convention to dump #3 Wife and marry #4, even if he has to swap religions again.

  • chascates

    When you marry your mistress you create a job opening.

  • Veritas78

    "…among the 82% of American voters who haven’t had the pleasure of marrying Newt Gingrich yet."

    Ouch. I guess Jim's really back.

  • labman57

    Callista overheard constituents complaining to her husband about the unethical conduct of mortgage lenders that led to millions of families going into foreclosure, losing their homes and wrecking their lives.

    “Home-wrecking?”, she piped up. “What’s wrong with that?”

  • chascates

    Hard to reconcile that 'church choir singer' stalwart Catholic with 'committing adultery for 8 years with married boss' aspect.

  • Callista is why Newt's "cheerful." He'd be "blissfully happy" if only he didn't have to go to Tiffany's so often.

  • Negropolis

    This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps…

  • ttommyunger

    The elephant has lots of company: everyone but Newt is flaccid around the "C" Lady. Oh, right; it stands for Calista.

  • WiscDad

    She's gonna divorce that fat fuckin' loser anyway…who gives a shit

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