Chick-fil-A, great American chicken store, has this inconvenient reputation of being quite, quite Christian and, through its nonprofit organization, for supporting groups that are known to be anti-gay, like Focus on the Family and the Fellowship of Christian Athletes (WHICH EXISTS). WELL! In the name of Digging Freedom (this is actually how you dig freedom), three drag queens who call themselves Willam Belli, Detox, and Vicky Vox, put together this rather brilliant and professional music video. The ladies take Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On,” transform it into a catchy ode to fried boneless bird breasts and waffle fries, RAP, and say a polite “F U” to Chick-fil-A’s elderly gay-for-God billionaire CEO, S. Truett Cathy (while do these rich old men always have initials for first names???)

There are really too many witty lyrics to transcribe here, but here’s the chorus:

Some day somebody’s gonna make you wanna gobble up a waffle fry
But no, no, don’t you know, Chick-fil-A say you’ll make the Baby Jesus cry

And the gist of the message:

So chow down at Chick-fil-A
So chow down at Chick-fil-A
Even if you’re gay

Put it in your mouth
Don’t matter if you’re gay
Chow down at Chick-fil-A

Like some other conservatives we have the misfortune of knowing, the Baptist Chick-fil-A family is a fan of saying whatever a person wants to hear at a particular moment in time. So, son Dan Cathy apparently proclaimed last year, “While my family and I believe in the Biblical definition of marriage, we love and respect anyone who disagrees.” That is a nice way of putting that, if only it were not BS! Like a certain “steward of the Lord” we know, Dan Cathy writes on the C-f-A website that the point of Chick-fil-A is to “glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us.”

The company has also conducted some rather high-profile fundraisers with groups like the Pennsylvania Family Institute, which counts banning gay marriage among its beloved causes.

Anyway, back to the queens, who say they “just want a little meat without your Bible.” But why give the bastards any of your money?!?! Perhaps the end goal is to make something so flattering that S. Truett will actually be inclined to accidentally watch the thing, during which he will be made very uncomfortable by (enjoy) all the sexy therein! [Forbes]

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  • BornInATrailer

    Queue a baconz "I find this difficult.." post in 3.. 2.. 1..

    • Baconzgood

      It wasn't as hard to as I had originally thought.

      • Negropolis

        That's what she said!

        Come on, you guys. Lame, I know; but the bitch set me up!

  • I'd do them. If they didn't have sticks.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Chick Fil A ads exploit cows.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Well, of course, as cows are well known to be the gayest animals ever.

      • They are easy. All you need to do is tip them.

        • bagofmice

          Just the tip?

  • JustPixelz

    Who doesn't love Chick-Fellate?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    No doubt someone will post this before I can, but

    "Keep fuckin' that chicken!"

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      Thanks, Ernie Anastos. Ew.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    I hate to admit it, but I love going to Chick fil when traveling through red states. Everyone seems so happy to be there, the sandwiches taste like actual meat minus nasty special sauce goo, and I can get kids meals w/o any kind of advertising for crap movies, I mean they put actual educational books in the kiddie packs. So I salute all efforts to make it a drag hangout.

    • I don't think "Color Me" Bibles counts as educational.

      • Allmighty_Manos

        No, actual real educational books – about science even.

        • JustPixelz

          Shhh. They think the books are about Jesus riding a dinosaur to His (Jesus') completely heterosexual friend John's house.

  • FakaktaSouth

    UGH Fuck Chic-fil-a for real. Never open on a Sunday when that salty fried chicken on a bun sounds the best. Y'all shut up. I don't eat Krystals (or White Castle? Whatever yanks call it) Chic-fil-a would be classy drunk food.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    My religion calls for me to eat chicken only on Sundays, so I've never had Chick Fil A.

  • nounverb911

    I didn't realize that Anne Coulter could sing so well.

    • Baconzgood

      That's the thread win.

  • hilbillyheroine

    I live here in Oklahomophobe, and I (sheltered that I can sometimes be) did not know this about Chicky fillet. I took my grandkids there last week! I gave them my money! In my defense, my barely 2 year old grandson bit a Christian kid and caused a screaming hell-raising commotion in the little playhouse. I kinda think my 2 year old may be gay, and I'll almost bet the big fat kid he bit said something homophobic to him.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Your grandson is the lion of chick-fil-a!

    • BornInATrailer

      That bite probably transmitted the ghey, just like in AMC's "The Mincing Dead."

      • Jenner: "You're all in-filleted!"

    • HistoriCat

      Eh – don't sweat it too much. All big corporations basically suck – some are just more verbal about it than others.

  • bnerd85

    This would be better if one of the Drag Queens was named "Glorious Rolls."

  • memzilla

    So this means The Last Supper was chicken dinner? Who was the fry cook?

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Everyone knows that the last supper was actually guinea pig

  • KathrynSane

    Fun fact: My high school biology teacher was the faculty advisor for our school's chapter of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. When he taught us about evolution, he said that he only doing it because he was forced to by the government and that there are other explanations and we should look at this wacko Christian faux-science book for the real truth.

    Hooray, Pennsyltucky!

    • Baconzgood

      If it makes you feel any better, when I was 17 I smoked a joint with my civics teacher in the parking lot during the homecomming game.

    • TheMightyHaltor

      Isn't a biology teacher who doesn't believe in evolution kind of like a math teacher who doesn't believe in subtraction?

      • Guppy

        Yes, the kind who is willing to the job for the pay the Commonwealth offers.

      • occams8ball

        number theory is just a fucking theory, man.

  • Baconzgood

    To be honest, they're more fuckable than the real Wilson Phillips.

  • Barb

    These guys deserve to be like Eugene Robinson and win a Pullet Surprise award for this song.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      That comment was rolled in egg, double dipped in flour and deep fried to PERFECTION! (See, my healthy lunch didn't last long).

      • Barb

        Thanks! I'm still eating Easter candy.

    • Biff

      That's poultry in motion, right there.

    • Negropolis

      A Pull-it Surprise?

      Barb, I'm dying, here. If I don't stop laughing, you're going to be charged with hilarious homicide.

  • JustPixelz

    Well if you don't like what Chick-fil-a does with their profits, you can always spend your money at Domino's. WAIT! What? How about The Right Wing Restaurant, in Tulsa? Maybe Herman Cain's old Godfather's Pizza? The Republican Restaurant in Chicago?

    I'VE GOT IT! Dairy Queen.

  • White Castle

    Yes, but can you get a sack-o-Fil-A?


    Then the Castle got them hands down

    • FakaktaSouth

      You know what I want? That thing Knight Rider was eating. Of course I have never disparaged David Hasselhoff. Nothing is better than "eat a cheeseburger on the floor at the end of the night" drunk. He looked genuinely happy. How can anyone hate that?

      • Baconzgood

        That video, and the first thing you think of is his sandwich. YOU ROCK!!

      • Ah, that would be a fetusburger. Three threads back

  • MissTaken

    Huh, I always thought the drag queens were fans of that other Christian fast food chain, In-N-Out.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Only when they get the urge.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      And, here, I always thought that Sizzler was the big drag queen hang out.

    • bagofmice

      Perhaps drag queens are the secret behind Ruth's Chris. It's where you find your meat, from rare to well done.

    • Biff

      Do they still do that thing with the bible verses? I thought since the only fambly member left is some granddaughter, they'd maybe quit that?

      • MissTaken

        Nope, they're still there. Right on the wrapper of your Double Double is something or other about Jeebus.

        • Biff

          Oh darn. At least it's unobtrusive, and I'm only in the neighborhood a few times a year, so I can justify going. Truth be told, I rarely eat fast food anymore. Those damned sweet tater tots at Sonic sure do rock, though.

        • That actually pissed me off upon learning of it (and seeing it), but living in Arizona, I thank "god" for small favors like a California burger chain that can serve up crazy ass num-nums like animal fries and some weird-ass protein style whole grilled onion extra cheese and tomato thang that I order. I swear, it'd be the only thing I missed if I left here.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Great. Now the gays are taking over fried chicken. Is nothing in this country safe?

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Next thing you know they'll get to name a bridge in Virginia!

      • Loaded_Pants

        Well, the colony was named for a queen.

    • Negropolis

      I know, right? It was over the day they took over the rainbow.

  • The ladies take Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On,” transform it into a catchy ode to fried boneless bird breasts and waffle fries, RAP, and say a polite “F U” to Chick-fil-A’s elderly gay-for-God billionaire CEO, S. Truett Cathy

    Name like that, sounds like he should be one of the drag queens singing the song

  • Jus_Wonderin


  • Schmannnity

    I've always preferred Col. Harlan Sanders because he always seems so racially enlightened.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Ohhhhhhh no. You can't fool me AGAIN with that line: My name is Dan, but you can call me Cathy.

  • DaRooster

    "(while do these rich old men always have initials for first names???) "

    So they can wear them on their chest at Denver International while they fly around the bunkers…

  • Baconzgood

    Wonkette is having a 1980's MTV flash back today.

  • RadioStalingrad

    Stupid goyum, every good jewish bizness man knows you hire shabbos goy to run your Arby's and whatnot on Saturday.

  • BarackMyWorld

    "Why the fuck would I want to blow up the Chick-fil-A? It's fucking delicious!"

  • skoalrebel

    I don't get it [spit!] Are they saying that lube makes baby Jesus cry?

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    They're trying to ram chicken down our throats!

    Or choke it!

    Or something bad, involving chicken, and ramming, without repeating the TV Weatherman joke that has already been made in this thread!

    • Biff

      My avatar approves this message.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Needz moar santorum!

  • Callyson

    So please don't sue us for libel
    We just want a little meat
    Sing it!

  • vulpes82

    Don't y'all recognize Ru Paul's Drag Race contestant Willam? She was kicked off for a MYSTERIOUS RULE VIOLATION just last night! It is the ESCANDALO of the decade for gay people!!! God, this place is so straight!

    • Baconzgood

      I recognized Detox. I hate to bash the lil lady, but Drag Race is one of her guilty pleasures. At least it's not LifeTime movies.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Was that chicken at the hottub in the black/rainbow speedo???

    • bagofmice

      You mean the thigh meat?

  • banana_bread

    There was a Chik-Fil-A in my dorm when I was a collegiate Bread. I got sick of them in about three weeks. They moved upstate to Chicagoland in the last couple of years and the lines were INSANE. Bitches love them some waffle fries.

    Anyways, before I knew about their crazy crusader agenda, I got some for nostalgia's sake. I have to say, their video drive-thru was really cool and their staff was extremely nice. Too bad the people in charge are douchebags.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    This is the reason why I changed my handle. I am a slave to their nuggets. I can't help it. Look, I shop the Home Depot because the AFA hates them… but this chicken company tears my innards out at their deliciousness.

    Someone spank me for supporting their hatefulness.

    • Do you reside near their headquarters? Maybe they'll let you be their honorary SpokesHeretic.

  • <i(while do these rich old men always have initials for first names???) </i>

    G. Gordon Liddy
    F. Scott Fitzgerald
    F. Murray Abraham
    T. Boone Pickens

    One of these is "rich and old"… one is dead.. one is notorious, and one rather obscure (still working on the list)…

    • PubOption

      When I first saw the name T. Boone Pickens, many years ago, I misread it as T. Bone Pickens.

    • Tundra Grifter

      The most famous: J. Edgar Hoover.

      • Texpunk

        You forgot H. Ross Perot!

        • horsedreamer_1

          Bill W.?

          ( He was drunk & reversed it.)

  • My gay college roommate knew the whole story of the bible-thumpers behind Chick-Fil-A because he was from College Park, GA where the original Dwarf House (how's that for political incorrectness) invented the sandwich. He claimed you had to be an ordained Baptist minister to get a franchise.

    P.S. He loved the stuff.

  • That was pretty brilliant.

  • dijetlo

    Dan Cathy COO: “While my family and I believe in the Biblical definition of marriage, we love and respect anyone who disagrees.”
    Wow, that guy sounds very Christian, doesn't he? His company donates a significant portion of it's profits to charity and gives it's employees 1 weekend day off every week so they can spend time with their kids….
    And this is the guy we hate?

    • Guppy

      Yeah, that's part of the love/hate I (at least) have with Chick-fil-A. Does the decent treatment of its workers balance out the money going to Focus on the Family?

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, and VW made some really nice cars during the war…yeah, I totally went there.

      Shorter Chick-fil-A: We'll be praying for you.

      I honestly don't get why some people think that being non-confrontational about hate makes hate any less hateful. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but shouting hate and backdooring it doesn't change the essence of it.

  • Chichikovovich

    “While my family and I believe in the Biblical definition of marriage, we love and respect [the money of] anyone who disagrees.”

    (Edited for clarity.)

  • Tommy1733

    You know, it is obviously disgusting that this company actively opposes equal rights but this comment "glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us" coming from the gob of a company that fosters the factory-farming and unsustainable agriculture industries smacks of some serious cognitive dissonance.

  • ElPinche

    The guys from Poison are lookin good.

  • Tundra Grifter

    I still like their music, and continue to admire their politics, but the years haven't been kind to the Dixie Chicks.

  • Tundra Grifter

    OK – I'll be the first.


  • owhatever

    President Obama has apologized to the Eat Moar Chiken cows for this incident.

  • fuflans

    in other news, marcus bachmann describes an overwhelming urge for chick-fil-a

  • fuflans

    also, why are so many rich people uptight assholes?

  • horsedreamer_1

    But, do they choke the chicken?

    • Negropolis

      Yes, that is the only humane way to kill the chicken.

  • Negropolis

    I lost count double entredres after about five. lol

    "Take that shit", indeed.

  • ttommyunger

    I know I always head there when I get a craving for cardboard between two slices of foam rubber.

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