ROBERT DE NIRO MUST APOLOGIZE FOR THIS  1:24 pm March 20, 2012

Rep. Walter Jones Is Sick Of Borrowing War Money From ‘Uncle Chang’

by Jim Newell

North Carolina Rep. Walter Jones, Ron Paul’s fellow anti-everything old crank who’s occasionally right, is sick of the Afghanistan war, like the vast majority of Americans and people everywhere. But did you even know, like Walter Jones knows, that some guy in China named “Uncle Chang” is paying for the whole thing?

Here goes our “Afghanistan reporting for the week,” with this copy-pasted block quote and video via TPM (thanks TPM!):

In a question to the Commander of U.S. and NATO forces in Afghanistan, General John Allen, Jones said, “What is the event that the administration and General Allen, you sir, are going to be candid with the United States Congress and more important than the Congress, the American people as we spend $10 billion a month that we can’t pay for, the Chinese, Uncle Chang, is lending us the money we are spending in Afghanistan.”

Can anyone explain why we’re not bombing this Uncle Chang fellow right now? John McCain would’ve done it. (No, really, John McCain would’ve invaded mainland China by now.)

[TPM]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 88 comments }

Maman March 20, 2012 at 1:26 pm

The Senor Chang from Community is floating the government? I think they should let him join the study group.

Gratuitous World March 20, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Chang we can believe in.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 1:43 pm

YERROW GULL RIBER!

MaxUdargo March 20, 2012 at 3:54 pm

How dumb is your war if you can't even get Pierce to invest in it?

AlterNewt March 20, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Bristol is waiting…

Maman March 20, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Is she holding her breath?

Not_So_Much March 20, 2012 at 1:28 pm

No, ankles.

DaRooster March 20, 2012 at 2:01 pm

No, Cankles.

(fixed)

chascates March 20, 2012 at 1:37 pm

She just hasn't developed that victim persona her mom perfected yet, has she?

Redhead March 20, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I nominate "Uncle Chang's War Chest" as the new name for Hwy 40 running through NC.

Lascauxcaveman March 20, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Ching Chong Chang Chinaman Highway.

That wouldn't be considered "crude or racially insensitive," would it? (In Virginia)

Preferred Customer March 20, 2012 at 1:39 pm

No, it would not, in Virginia.

4TheTurnstiles March 20, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I deny Uncle Chang my *essence.*

precious bodily fluids &c

nounverb911 March 20, 2012 at 1:28 pm

"Neocon Libel!"

weej_bain March 20, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Uncle Ho libel.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Not riber, RIBER!

prommie March 20, 2012 at 1:28 pm

No tickee, no laundry. Where's Hop Sing?

nounverb911 March 20, 2012 at 1:34 pm

He opened a casino on the Ponderosa?

Barb March 20, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Chinese President Hu Jintao visited the White House. Fox News said it was a gathering of the world's most powerful communist — and the president of China

Negropolis March 21, 2012 at 2:26 am

Barb'll be hear all night, guys! Try the veal!

Arken March 20, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Yeah, but come on, Jim, be fair. John McCain would have bombed and/or invaded everywhere by now.

Guppy March 20, 2012 at 1:45 pm

So many countries to crash into, so few planes to crash.

bnerd85 March 20, 2012 at 1:29 pm

This is another incidence of why libertarians piss me off. I agree war is horrible and we should bring our troops home and spend our money on things that don't involve bombing random brown people with the name Ahmed and all that jazz, but is the Red/Yellow Baiting shit necessary to get that point across? Ugh.

Bonzos_Bed_Time March 20, 2012 at 1:55 pm

You're just reading a decade-old newsletter with unsigned editorials.

Schmannnity March 20, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Sexist bastard. Everyone knows it's Auntie Wong who's footing the bill.

MissTaken March 20, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Sounds like Suzie Wong is doing very well for herself, then.

Tundra Grifter March 20, 2012 at 1:35 pm

What are we going to do about the younger generation?

doloras March 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Well, two Wongs don't make a white.

Too soon?

bagofmice March 20, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Emily Wong is a successful woman.

Callyson March 20, 2012 at 1:30 pm

“What is the event that the Republicans running for office and Representative Jones, you sir, are going to be candid with the United States Congress and more important than the Congress, the American people as we spend untold billions a month that we can’t pay for, the American people, Main Street, is losing the money we are spending to subsidize tax cuts and bailouts for Wall Street.”
Well, I can dream…

Not_So_Much March 20, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Walnuts is just waiting for someone to shriek "IT'S GO TIME!!"

Well, and for someone else to tie the Rambo bandana on his head. He can't reach.

SoBeach March 20, 2012 at 1:30 pm

"Can anyone explain why we’re not bombing this Uncle Chang fellow right now?"

…for the same reason you don't flip your dad off at dinner right before you ask to borrow $20 and the car on Friday night.

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ March 20, 2012 at 1:30 pm

"Mr. Jones, a Mr. Chang is on the line. He wants to call in our loan… but wanted to talk to you about it first."

ph7 March 20, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Uncle Chang don't surf!

Lascauxcaveman March 20, 2012 at 1:44 pm

And we think he should.

dadanarchist March 20, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Wait til he hears about Lo Pan and his green-eyed white girl impregnation policy.

MissTaken March 20, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I heard that Monopoly changed the name of Rich Uncle Pennybags to Uncle Chang. Rep Jones is just using terms the kids understand because he's hip like that.

SorosBot March 20, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Monopoly? That game's not on the PS3 – is it and XBox 360 exclusive?

Ruhe March 20, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Superficially it looks like Uncle Change is paying for the war. The reality is that our gullible Chinese Uncle is simply "investing" in more worthless real estate, this time in the form of undeveloped cliff faces in Central Afghanistan. That guy is a rube.

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Is Uncle Chang one of them "funny" uncles?

ph7 March 20, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Yes. He'll put his eggroll in your ducksauce if you're not careful.

Baconzgood March 20, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I don't know about Rep. Walter Jones but I'm guessing he voted for the war, and doesn't want to end the Bush tax cuts for the rich….

chascates March 20, 2012 at 1:35 pm

It's what the Founders would have wanted.

Mumbletypeg March 20, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I always thought Steely Dan* was a guy. I'd go around saying "I really dig his music!"
So I can understand your blunder, Rep. Jones.

* Imagine when I found out where he the band got his their name, then.

Lascauxcaveman March 20, 2012 at 1:46 pm

And that Pearl Jam chick, she totally rocked.

Bonzos_Bed_Time March 20, 2012 at 1:56 pm

But why would the Floyds name their only son Pink?

doloras March 20, 2012 at 4:06 pm

The band is just fantastic, that is truly what I think. Oh, and by the way, which one's Pink?

MosesInvests March 21, 2012 at 1:02 am

Collect call for Mrs. Floyd from Mr. Floyd-will you accept the charges from the United States?

Baconzgood March 20, 2012 at 1:34 pm

How is this taking away women's reproductive rights?

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 1:34 pm

It's really a terrible thing when you have to "rob Chang to bomb Ahmed."

Veritas78 March 20, 2012 at 6:19 pm

This might have legs.

You haven't by any chance copyrighted it, have you? Not that you need to! Sorry I brought it up. I'll just scurry off now…

chascates March 20, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Well, I'm sick of kids who were seven or eight years old when we first went into Afghanistan dying there now and for an untold timeline.

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Old General Allen really has the "Buck Turgidson" look going on there.

neiltheblaze March 20, 2012 at 1:35 pm

It's the casualness of their racism that truly sets Republicans apart.

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ March 20, 2012 at 1:35 pm

He must have watched Mike Daisey's theatrical performance. Soooo compelling…

Troglodeity March 20, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Worst "Asians in the Library" cover ever.

weej_bain March 20, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I think General Allen's fingers were moving for his KA-BAR.

OT Eds, such mass postings. Ya know some of us have jerbs.

nounverb911 March 20, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Needs more MSG.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 20, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Come on, everyone knows you don't borrow from Uncle Chang. The guy is so annoying, constantly dropping hints about not paying at dinner. "Sheesh, you have a nice weapons system here…. how can you afford that and not pay me back?" kind of crap.

No, if you are going to borrow money, get if from Uncle Chong. He is like totally cool and will still smoke you out even if you owe him.

nounverb911 March 20, 2012 at 1:36 pm

How about "Owner of America"?

Tundra Grifter March 20, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Don't tell Rep. Jones the biggest "buyer" of US Treasury debt is the Federal government.

His head would explode like a stepped on wonton.

Bonzos_Bed_Time March 20, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Audit the Fed!

Negropolis March 21, 2012 at 2:30 am

Pork dumpling libel!

Allmighty_Manos March 20, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Ancient Chinese Secret, Huh?

Lucidamente1 March 20, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I'll remember that next time I order General Tso's chicken.

OneDollarJuana March 20, 2012 at 1:40 pm

I bet Uncle Chang thinks Uncle Cracker is a racist bigot.

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Wang Chang. Now that was a pretty cool band. I really dug their soundtrack on that "To Live and Die in L.A." film.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Ah yes, Dance Harrs Days, lemembel them werr!

BarackMyWorld March 20, 2012 at 1:43 pm

What percent of the national debt is actually held by China again?

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 1:44 pm

That's "P.F. Chang" to you, Dr. Jones…

seppdecker March 20, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Is that any relation to Walter's Uncle Cracker?

FNMA March 20, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Great thing about borrowing money from Uncle Chang is you call and no matter how much you're borrowing, he always says, "Ten minutes."

Veritas78 March 20, 2012 at 6:21 pm

But then an hour later you need more.

OneYieldRegular March 20, 2012 at 1:49 pm

The only surprising thing about this is that he didn't invoke Fu Manchu.

Bonzos_Bed_Time March 20, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Show us Uncle Chang's long-form birth certificate!!1!

Mahousu March 20, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Yeah, every time we have to borrow from Uncle Chang, he goes off on this long lecture about how when he was a child, he worked two jobs, just so he could pay for all of his wars himself. Bo-ring!

I liked it better when we were borrowing from Lisa Chan. Not only was she nicer to look at, she never lectured.

CountryClubJihadi March 20, 2012 at 2:09 pm

No Tickey, No Laundry!

elgin_pelican March 20, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Be honest folks. Isn't this better than blaming Jew Bankers, like we did back in the day?

Veritas78 March 20, 2012 at 6:26 pm

How was spring break? Cuz you totally missed Goldman Sachs week. And yes, they did take over the world, the end.

Chet Kincaid March 20, 2012 at 2:16 pm

General Tsao provides the MREs.

slowhansolo March 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

This is good news for Egg Shen.

Studebaker Hawk March 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

In fairness, Chang and Eng (famous 19th century conjoined twins) did live their adult lives in North Carolina, so Chang may literally be his uncle.

Or maybe he's just an ignoramus. See also: Jones, Walter; "Freedom Fries."

horsedreamer_1 March 21, 2012 at 1:00 am

They also owned slaves.

teebob2000 March 20, 2012 at 3:22 pm

The very first 2 words of this story told me all I needed to know.

owhatever March 20, 2012 at 3:56 pm

None of my best friends are Walter Jones.

Mr Pre-Press March 20, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Uncle Chang, poontang…aaaah, what the hell!

maxxy_w March 20, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Shouldn't that be Uncle Chiang, as in Chiang Kai-shek? I think the old guy's forgotten that it's not still 1938.

ttommyunger March 21, 2012 at 8:38 am

Oh Walter, you so funny…..me lend you long time….

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: