North Carolina Rep. Walter Jones, Ron Paul’s fellow anti-everything old crank who’s occasionally right, is sick of the Afghanistan war, like the vast majority of Americans and people everywhere. But did you even know, like Walter Jones knows, that some guy in China named “Uncle Chang” is paying for the whole thing?
Here goes our “Afghanistan reporting for the week,” with this copy-pasted block quote and video via TPM (thanks TPM!):
In a question to the Commander of U.S. and NATO forces in Afghanistan, General John Allen, Jones said, “What is the event that the administration and General Allen, you sir, are going to be candid with the United States Congress and more important than the Congress, the American people as we spend $10 billion a month that we can’t pay for, the Chinese, Uncle Chang, is lending us the money we are spending in Afghanistan.”
Can anyone explain why we’re not bombing this Uncle Chang fellow right now? John McCain would’ve done it. (No, really, John McCain would’ve invaded mainland China by now.)
[TPM]
{ 88 comments }
The Senor Chang from Community is floating the government? I think they should let him join the study group.
Chang we can believe in.
YERROW GULL RIBER!
How dumb is your war if you can't even get Pierce to invest in it?
Bristol is waiting…
Is she holding her breath?
No, ankles.
No, Cankles.
(fixed)
She just hasn't developed that victim persona her mom perfected yet, has she?
I nominate "Uncle Chang's War Chest" as the new name for Hwy 40 running through NC.
Ching Chong Chang Chinaman Highway.
That wouldn't be considered "crude or racially insensitive," would it? (In Virginia)
No, it would not, in Virginia.
I deny Uncle Chang my *essence.*
precious bodily fluids &c
"Neocon Libel!"
Uncle Ho libel.
Not riber, RIBER!
No tickee, no laundry. Where's Hop Sing?
He opened a casino on the Ponderosa?
Chinese President Hu Jintao visited the White House. Fox News said it was a gathering of the world's most powerful communist — and the president of China
Barb'll be hear all night, guys! Try the veal!
Yeah, but come on, Jim, be fair. John McCain would have bombed and/or invaded everywhere by now.
So many countries to crash into, so few planes to crash.
This is another incidence of why libertarians piss me off. I agree war is horrible and we should bring our troops home and spend our money on things that don't involve bombing random brown people with the name Ahmed and all that jazz, but is the Red/Yellow Baiting shit necessary to get that point across? Ugh.
You're just reading a decade-old newsletter with unsigned editorials.
Sexist bastard. Everyone knows it's Auntie Wong who's footing the bill.
Sounds like Suzie Wong is doing very well for herself, then.
What are we going to do about the younger generation?
Well, two Wongs don't make a white.
Too soon?
Emily Wong is a successful woman.
“What is the event that the Republicans running for office and Representative Jones, you sir, are going to be candid with the United States Congress and more important than the Congress, the American people as we spend untold billions a month that we can’t pay for, the American people, Main Street, is losing the money we are spending to subsidize tax cuts and bailouts for Wall Street.”
Well, I can dream…
Walnuts is just waiting for someone to shriek "IT'S GO TIME!!"
Well, and for someone else to tie the Rambo bandana on his head. He can't reach.
"Can anyone explain why we’re not bombing this Uncle Chang fellow right now?"
…for the same reason you don't flip your dad off at dinner right before you ask to borrow $20 and the car on Friday night.
"Mr. Jones, a Mr. Chang is on the line. He wants to call in our loan… but wanted to talk to you about it first."
Uncle Chang don't surf!
And we think he should.
Wait til he hears about Lo Pan and his green-eyed white girl impregnation policy.
I heard that Monopoly changed the name of Rich Uncle Pennybags to Uncle Chang. Rep Jones is just using terms the kids understand because he's hip like that.
Monopoly? That game's not on the PS3 – is it and XBox 360 exclusive?
Superficially it looks like Uncle Change is paying for the war. The reality is that our gullible Chinese Uncle is simply "investing" in more worthless real estate, this time in the form of undeveloped cliff faces in Central Afghanistan. That guy is a rube.
Is Uncle Chang one of them "funny" uncles?
Yes. He'll put his eggroll in your ducksauce if you're not careful.
I don't know about Rep. Walter Jones but I'm guessing he voted for the war, and doesn't want to end the Bush tax cuts for the rich….
It's what the Founders would have wanted.
I always thought Steely Dan* was a guy. I'd go around saying "I really dig his music!"
So I can understand your blunder, Rep. Jones.
* Imagine when I found out where
hethe band gothistheir name, then.And that Pearl Jam chick, she totally rocked.
But why would the Floyds name their only son Pink?
The band is just fantastic, that is truly what I think. Oh, and by the way, which one's Pink?
Collect call for Mrs. Floyd from Mr. Floyd-will you accept the charges from the United States?
How is this taking away women's reproductive rights?
It's really a terrible thing when you have to "rob Chang to bomb Ahmed."
This might have legs.
You haven't by any chance copyrighted it, have you? Not that you need to! Sorry I brought it up. I'll just scurry off now…
Well, I'm sick of kids who were seven or eight years old when we first went into Afghanistan dying there now and for an untold timeline.
Old General Allen really has the "Buck Turgidson" look going on there.
It's the casualness of their racism that truly sets Republicans apart.
He must have watched Mike Daisey's theatrical performance. Soooo compelling…
Worst "Asians in the Library" cover ever.
I think General Allen's fingers were moving for his KA-BAR.
OT Eds, such mass postings. Ya know some of us have jerbs.
Needs more MSG.
Come on, everyone knows you don't borrow from Uncle Chang. The guy is so annoying, constantly dropping hints about not paying at dinner. "Sheesh, you have a nice weapons system here…. how can you afford that and not pay me back?" kind of crap.
No, if you are going to borrow money, get if from Uncle Chong. He is like totally cool and will still smoke you out even if you owe him.
How about "Owner of America"?
Don't tell Rep. Jones the biggest "buyer" of US Treasury debt is the Federal government.
His head would explode like a stepped on wonton.
Audit the Fed!
Pork dumpling libel!
Ancient Chinese Secret, Huh?
I'll remember that next time I order General Tso's chicken.
I bet Uncle Chang thinks Uncle Cracker is a racist bigot.
Wang Chang. Now that was a pretty cool band. I really dug their soundtrack on that "To Live and Die in L.A." film.
Ah yes, Dance Harrs Days, lemembel them werr!
What percent of the national debt is actually held by China again?
That's "P.F. Chang" to you, Dr. Jones…
Is that any relation to Walter's Uncle Cracker?
Great thing about borrowing money from Uncle Chang is you call and no matter how much you're borrowing, he always says, "Ten minutes."
But then an hour later you need more.
The only surprising thing about this is that he didn't invoke Fu Manchu.
Show us Uncle Chang's long-form birth certificate!!1!
Yeah, every time we have to borrow from Uncle Chang, he goes off on this long lecture about how when he was a child, he worked two jobs, just so he could pay for all of his wars himself. Bo-ring!
I liked it better when we were borrowing from Lisa Chan. Not only was she nicer to look at, she never lectured.
No Tickey, No Laundry!
Be honest folks. Isn't this better than blaming Jew Bankers, like we did back in the day?
How was spring break? Cuz you totally missed Goldman Sachs week. And yes, they did take over the world, the end.
General Tsao provides the MREs.
This is good news for Egg Shen.
In fairness, Chang and Eng (famous 19th century conjoined twins) did live their adult lives in North Carolina, so Chang may literally be his uncle.
Or maybe he's just an ignoramus. See also: Jones, Walter; "Freedom Fries."
They also owned slaves.
The very first 2 words of this story told me all I needed to know.
None of my best friends are Walter Jones.
Uncle Chang, poontang…aaaah, what the hell!
Shouldn't that be Uncle Chiang, as in Chiang Kai-shek? I think the old guy's forgotten that it's not still 1938.
Oh Walter, you so funny…..me lend you long time….
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