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Narrowly avoided, with sponsorship.Virginia’s General Assembly would like to stake out a claim to fame that maybe DOESN’T involve the terms “transvaginal ultrasound” or “state-sanctioned clinical rape,” for once this year. So now the esteemed legislators of the Commonwealth have decided that pawning off its roads and bridges for a few shekels is just the ticket for shaking off the state’s recent well-earned national ridicule. Yes, beginning July 1st, anyone with a certified check between $5,000 and $200,000 can rename any Virginian road or bridge, thereby allowing lawmakers to avoid the pesky political problem of asking voters to pay taxes so their roads don’t dissolve into the Earth. Because what are we, GAY ROMANS?

To wit:

Legislation approved by the General Assembly allows the state to sell naming rights for roads and bridges.

Names that are vulgar, obscene or socially, racially or ethnically offensive are prohibited. Also barred are names that condone or encourage violence or that describe illegal activities or substances.

Make no mistake: all the new names will be ‘vulgar.’ There’s just no way, no how that taking the Dulcolax Expressway, getting off at the exit for the AshleyMadison.com Turnpike, and making the first right onto Head and Shoulders Route 162 can be called elegant.

So Virginians and unwitting passers-through, be sure to enjoy giving and/or getting directions using these newly named roads, half of which will end up with “vulgar, obscene or socially, racially or ethnically offensive” sex-and-poop definitions on Urban Dictionary, which you may then consider adding to your sex-and-poop repertoire. [Richmond Times-Dispatch]

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