BUT DID HE WEAR AN APRON?  2:15 pm March 20, 2012

Karen Santorum Proves Rick Doesn’t Hate Women: He Cleaned Kitchen a Few Times

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Rick Santorum is not a vagina-hating monster, according to Rick Santorum’s wife. What evidence have you to submit in the idiot’s favor, Karen, or will you merely plead insanity? “When I was doing my book tours,” she offers in a CNN interview, “Rick was the one who was home changing diapers and making meals and cleaning the kitchen.” He helps out once in a while! (But not often enough to make him a feminist, Pope forbid.) Do you have a rebuttal, every corner of the Internet? Nah. Awkward video after the jump!

“Women have nothing to fear” from Rick Santorum sounds like a good campaign pitch, doesn’t it? They must have focus grouped that one to death:

Do not fear your candidate, oh hysterical ladies. [CNN via TPMTV]

 
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{ 97 comments }

nounverb911 March 20, 2012 at 2:16 pm

He cleaned the kitchen only after Karen went into labor on the kitchen table.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 2:22 pm

And that was only cuz he wanted a sammich

FraAnima March 20, 2012 at 2:24 pm

And the placenta was there just waiting to be fried up with some onions. Now THAT"S good eats!

An_Outhouse March 20, 2012 at 2:45 pm

That bitch wouldn't clean it up right away so he had to! For better or worse, mostly worse.

Beetagger March 20, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Changing diapers is not too different from cleaning up Santorum.

OneDollarJuana March 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

She didn't specify whose diapers. Oops! I was thinking of Vitter.

ChernobylSoup March 20, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Why didn't god give her any lips?

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 2:22 pm

She had them sugically removed after Rick asked for some head.

Callyson March 20, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Too bad she did not think of removing someone else's head instead…

widestanceromance March 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

God withheld her lips so she would do anal.

memzilla March 20, 2012 at 2:18 pm

"Cleaning The Kitchen" = Worst Sexual Metaphor Evah.

el_donaldo March 20, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Obligatory outrageous Santorum post is, well, actually still outrageous.

Barb March 20, 2012 at 2:20 pm

She should chain him to the stove and beat him with a curtain rod.

FNMA March 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Foreplay?

FraAnima March 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Rick would prolly get off. NTTAWWT. (ick)

elgin_pelican March 20, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Women never have to worry about santorum, that happens with teh ghey sexytimes.

sullivanst March 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Assholes are like opinions… everyone has one.

beavertank March 20, 2012 at 4:21 pm

And they're all made for some backdoor action.

FNMA March 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Mitt: "I like women as much as Rick Santorum. I have some good friends who own a few."

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Wait….Rick let her write a book?

What a wuss!

SexySmurf March 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm

WAAAACHEEE (that's a whip sound, in case you couldn't tell).

Baconzgood March 20, 2012 at 2:22 pm

“Rick was the one who was home changing diapers and making meals and cleaning the kitchen.”

Hey Karen, if he didn't do that he'd have starving children covered in shit on a roachy floor. CYS would have taken the kids off him. Come to think of it that would be doing them a favor.

Gleem McShineys March 20, 2012 at 6:09 pm

It is amazing, he did what was basically expected of him! HOW NOBLY AMAZINGLY GREAT OF A MAN, THIS SANTORUM!

He also didn't let hobos in, or set any fires, or give his children LSD!
WHAT AN AWESOME GUY!

boobookitteh March 20, 2012 at 2:22 pm

My Dad was doing that shit 50 years ago. Where's his parade?

InnerPrincess March 20, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Yes! A thousand awesome ups!

Fukui-sanYesOta March 20, 2012 at 2:23 pm

This is my favourite bit from the linked article:

Rick Perry once slammed the Lawrence decision, describing it as the work of "nine oligarchs in robes," although he forgot what the case was about when a reporter asked him about it in Iowa last week.

I kinda miss Rick Perry.

NorthStarSpanx March 20, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Can he tell us what an Oligarch is, the way a Tea Partier can tell us what a Socialist is, and how Bristol can use the word 'canard?'

RadioStalingrad March 20, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Whereas I'm a vagina loving monster.

facehead March 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

V is for Vagina, that's good enough for me!

Schmannnity March 20, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Does he have a sweater apron for the house?

GunToting[Redacted] March 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

The irony is that his apron has sleeves.

Barb March 20, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Big fucking deal! It's Ivory liquid and not Kryptonite.

skoalrebel March 20, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I don't clean my kitchen [spit]. That's just fuckin' gay.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm

It's why dogs got tongues, amirite?

Mumbletypeg March 20, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Mr. Santorum — Callista Gingrich on Line 1. Says she needs a hand with changing a big, blubbering baby's diaper, right away.

NorthStarSpanx March 20, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Did Vitter come into the house?

AbandonHope March 20, 2012 at 3:34 pm

DOUBLE ENTENDRE LIBEL

neiltheblaze March 20, 2012 at 2:25 pm

"You have nothing at all to fear from my husband Torquemada."

Lascauxcaveman March 20, 2012 at 2:27 pm

His wife is giving him clear and sincere credit for helping out at home? In that respect, Rick is a far better man than I.

After I make breakfast, lunch and dinner, clean the bathroom, do the laundry, vacuum out the car, change all the didies on the kiddies and send them to bed, administer a 30-minute back rub and foot massage on the wife, I might get a pat on the head.

Maybe.

Baconzgood March 20, 2012 at 2:35 pm

You're wife wouldn't be named EX-Mrs. Baconz good would she?

Chet Kincaid March 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Do you want us to talk to her, or something?

ChernobylSoup March 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm

We need to let her know that it's illegal for her to be married to both of us.

Chet Kincaid March 20, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Rick also puts on a lab coat and a stethoscope, grabs her by the ankles and spanks her bottom as foreplay. It's a little kink she picked up from a previous relationship.

DaRooster March 20, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Anyone can say anything at anytime… it don't mean it really happened.

Baconzgood March 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

I find this hard to believe. Not that Rick pitched in and helped about the ol' homestead. But that Karen wrote a book that she needed to promote. What the fuck she call it? "Riding the Coat Tails of Some Ass-Hat Senator"?

SorosBot March 20, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Well she hired someone to ghost write a book then slapped her name on it.

Callyson March 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Close:
Everyday Graces: Child's Book Of Good Manners (Foundations)
Karen Santorum
(Best of all, the forward is from Joe Paterno…) http://www.amazon.com/Everyday-Graces-Childs-Mann

Baconzgood March 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

The fact that you can go into a library and find that book in the same building as John Updike and Guy de Maupassant kills a little of my snark.

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

How long have they been married? I mean, after all that time, and he's still surreptitiously checking out her rack in that picture?

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 2:30 pm

I think he's reading the notes she wrote on her palm

Y'know, cuz it's hard to look at what ain't there.

freakishlywrong March 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Yes, Karen. But has he EVER MADE YOU A SAMMICH?

smashedinhat March 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

I'm pretty sure they have staff. I can't see Ricky lowering himself from doing Gawds work.

Sassomatic March 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Aw, he let her write her lady book, and then took care of his own fucking children and cleaned his own fucking house for a while. Santorum for President of Women!

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm

No ladies, you have nothing to fear if my husband is elected
nothing to fear…
nothing to fear…
nothing to fear…

DaRooster March 20, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Hey you Santorums…. stop having fucking kids!!
Get some birth control for fucks sake!

elburritodeluxe March 20, 2012 at 2:30 pm

You're in a pretty rotten spot in your campaign if you have to assure 50% of the U.S. Population that they have nothing to fear from you.

HippieEsq March 20, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Ahem, the other 50% is waiting for a few assurances, too. DO NOT TOUCH MY PORN RICK.

Maman March 20, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Wow. what a guy. Almost as if he was these kids' father or something.

color me underwhelmed.

widestanceromance March 20, 2012 at 2:30 pm

I thought I knew fear until I saw her denial.

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 20, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Yeah, but based on that sweater I'm saying he loves cock.

bnerd85 March 20, 2012 at 2:32 pm

See women, he may want to get Government all inside that vagina of yours, but he's not all that bad! He changes diapers occasionally! Diapers!

sarah_connor March 20, 2012 at 2:32 pm

"When I return to work, he will be 100% behind me."

Hunnee, methinks you do not want tricky ricky 100% behind you.

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ March 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Doesn't she look like Madam? Does Wayland Flowers have his hand up her ass?

Callyson March 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

The only thing we have to fear is…
…each and every wingnut who is running for or voting for the freaks who have taken over the GOP…
(FDR is looking down and sighing in disgust. "I saved that nation from depression and won a war for this?")

RedneckMuslin March 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Bitch, get in the kitchen and make me some pie!

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 2:34 pm

What? Good Christian ladies don't do that, and she wanted to remove temptation!

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Really? Guess she doesn't keep up with ol' Pat Robertson these days. http://wonkette.com/467101/mummy-evangelist-pat-r

Slim_Pickins March 20, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Marrying Rick would suggest that Karen is easily impressed.

HarryButtle March 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

There's an alt text joke there to be made about Rick staring at Karen's imaginary big boobs, but since Frothy is completely non-sexual, I don't know what it is…

SorosBot March 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

At least on my screen, the title of that video is truncated to read, "Karen Santroum: Women Have 'Nothing To Fear' If …", which seems fairly ominous. If they want to be pregnant all the time? If they have absolutely no sexual desires? If they repress themselves, to the point where they're psychological messes? If they agree to always where a burkha and never leave the house without male supervision?

MissTaken March 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Yes

FakaktaSouth March 20, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Oh that is it. I have happily stayed home with three kids for the last 12 yrs. I HAVE NEVER CARED or wanted to work or felt stupid or unfulfilled – I enjoy myself thoroughly. My husband does even more than I do when he is home, he has never made me feel like he's the boss of me, whatever. I want to go out and get a job SO BAD now – just for how gross these people have been behaving about women and what we can or should do. Just so gross. I really thought we were past a lot of this.

Baconzgood March 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

"I want to go out and get a job SO BAD now" No way Jose. Get them shoes off, get knocked up, and make me a sandwich. This is Jebus Emerica. I'm suprised your man even lets you comment on the computer without approving it first.

FakaktaSouth March 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Oh, gosh, I know. See? Where would I be without a man to put me back in my place when the head of the household is bringing home the, um, bacon? A sandwich now, cocktails at 5, dinner by 6:30. Naked by 10. I don't know what all that fancy jobs nonsense was even about, it's better for everyone when we remember ourselves.

An_Outhouse March 20, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I heard a woman call a radio sexpert wanting to know why her husband's stuff tasted like oven cleaner. Turned out he cleaned the oven, so she blew him. This always comes to mind when someone claims their husband cleaned the kitchen.

Millennial Malaise March 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Can we stop giving gold stars to people who perform the basic functions of adulthood? It was annoying in fifth grade when the slackers would wave around their one completed book report for the year and ask for extra credit and it annoys me now when my roommate announces via email how he cleaned the bath tub for once.

I know the bar is low but no one gives a shit about your bare minimum responsibilities.

Sue4466 March 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

"Rick was the one who was home changing diapers and making meals and cleaning the kitchen.”

She continued, "You know, things that are clearly women's work."

johnnyzhivago March 20, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Cleaning kitchens and diapers sounds Mexican-ish to me!

slowhansolo March 20, 2012 at 2:58 pm

"Nothing to fear." Now that is inspired messaging.

So quit cowering behind those aprons, gals. and be reassured that this alleged man allegedly, at one time, performed .0138 percent of the domestic work.

BornInATrailer March 20, 2012 at 3:06 pm

"Rick was the one who was home changing diapers"

Vitter will find this easy to fap to.

MissTaken March 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm

This reminds me of the guys at work (fathers) who when asked what they are doing on a given night they say "the wife is heading out so I'm babysitting". Uh, no. You cannot babysit your own children, that's called parenting.

Come here a minute March 20, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Parent is a noun, not a verb. Mothering and fathering, they're verbs. I bet Rick fathers the hell out of those kids.

Steverino247 March 20, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I would prefer something like: "so I've got the duty that night." It implies you're actually responsible for something other than hitting a cervix with your jizz and winning a prize.

Allmighty_Manos March 20, 2012 at 3:11 pm

So says the woman who was involved romantically with the doctor who delivered her.

AbandonHope March 20, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I can't believe he lets his Woman write.

Chichikovovich March 20, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I think what she is really saying is: Women have nothing to fear from Rick becoming President compared to what they would have to fear if I became president. And looking into those eyes, even on video, I believe her.

OneYieldRegular March 20, 2012 at 3:21 pm

"Meanwhile, while Rick was cleaning the kitchen, I was repairing the car, clearing brush, watching football on TV, and eating Manwiches. We just amaze ourselves at our ability, on occasion, to trespass lightly on the sexist stereotypes we normally allow to govern our lives. We trust that the Good Lord will be forgiving, especially about Rick's 'World's Greatest Mom' apron."

AbandonHope March 20, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Really, I have no words for this. It's like they literally live in this little bubble world where Dear Husband comes home from Non-Descript White Collar Career Place after a hard day of work, and Mother is there with his comfy chair, smoking jacket, pipe, newspaper, and Scotch. Little Bobby and Cindy are having ever-so-much fun playing with their dolly and cap gun (respectively, as to commingle the two would be hellfire and damnation), and all of them are looking forward to watching Amos 'n' Andy tonight on the new 7-inch B&W Philco.

fuflans March 20, 2012 at 10:53 pm

yes.

mrblifil March 20, 2012 at 3:43 pm

That really was not a question regarding her fucking career opportunities. Though it was an interesting admission that she expects to "go back to work" herself. Not many first ladies go back to their day jobs after 8 years in the Oval Office (which is of course the plan Karen. Right? RIGHT?).

Plus, she sounds a bit drunk. And? She undercut his arguments entirely by claiming he won't do anything about contraception choices. Thirdly? Pearce needs to have his nutsack pierced for refusing to ask about Santorum's avowed opposition to the practice of amniocentesis (and pre-natal testing in general).

I don't think too highly of her.

mrblifil March 20, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I'll bet Ricky has changed Vitter the Shitter's diapers a time or two…

Come here a minute March 20, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Also made his own sandwich, once.

Gr8Old1sParty March 20, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Alt-text should say:
JUGGS!

Barrelhse March 20, 2012 at 5:09 pm

She looks like the picture on the Jolly Roger flag.

clblabin March 20, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Behind every great man there is a strong, smart, accomplished woman. On an unrelated note, Rick Santorum also has a wife.

Pat_Pending March 20, 2012 at 5:14 pm

That woman does NOT look well…

ttommyunger March 21, 2012 at 8:32 am

Thought bubble over Little Ricky's head: "Those hands are SO MUCH bigger than mine."

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