SMEGMA  4:22 pm March 19, 2012

Important Corrections: Rick Santorum IS Blown and Tossed

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Blown and tossed.

Your Wonkette stated previously that Rick Santorum was “neither blown nor tossed.”

Santorum now confirms that he is blown and tossed.

Wonkette regrets the error. [RedState]

 
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{ 69 comments }

bikerlaureate March 19, 2012 at 4:28 pm

The new management is revolting.

I keeed.

nounverb911 March 19, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Santorum's got a wide stance too?

Nostrildamus March 19, 2012 at 4:31 pm

The repressed, but smoldering, erotic desire lurking behind Santorum's editorial is causing me, as I write this, to set fire to my genitals.

Baconzgood March 19, 2012 at 4:32 pm

FUCK YOU WONKETTE! THAT LINK HAD A POP UP FOR ERICK ERICKSON!

I'm mad at you today.

Mumbletypeg March 19, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Special alert:
***SANTORUM CLOGGING MY BRAIN-DRAIN***I REPEAT*** SANTORUM CLOGGING…

GreatChristiano March 19, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Ok, now that's the kind of flip-floppin' I dun't like in my presundential candidate.

I was with him till now, but that's it!

Geminisunmars March 19, 2012 at 6:13 pm

So, you were for him until you were against, eh?

GreatChristiano March 19, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Its craaazy–talk about flifloppin'…–thought Romney was okay until that "I like grits" comment–that did it. Now this guy who is "neither," then "is." I mean to where is one to turn–never really was "for" him at all…

DaRooster March 19, 2012 at 4:35 pm

From the article-
"President Obama and his administration have decided to wage war against global warming and thus against the American worker."

Uh… you guys realize that without a globe… there is no America right?

FUCK!!

Baconzgood March 19, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Don't they WANT to wage war "against" the global warming people? I haz the confuzed…

SorosBot March 19, 2012 at 4:56 pm

But they don't care; as long as the energy industry extracts record profits, it doesn't matter how much less livable the Earth gets for us mere humans.

Lascauxcaveman March 19, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Remember, the globe will still be here, and no matter how bad it gets, many hundreds of species are bound to survive massive global change.

Not humans, however. They're doomed.

Loaded_Pants March 19, 2012 at 8:07 pm

George Carlin was so right. The planet will be fine. It's "us" who are fucked.

DaRooster March 19, 2012 at 8:43 pm

I have been saying, since around '87-
When the Earth is done with us… it will "take care" of its problem.

OC_Surf_Serf March 19, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Oh Ms. Schoenkopf: We have met the Santorum limit for the week…

nounverb911 March 19, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Year.

Crank_Tango March 19, 2012 at 4:42 pm

all of 'em, katie.

Texan_Bulldog March 19, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Yes, we need to pace ourselves since it's only Monday. I'm already out of Ricky snark.

Jus_Wonderin March 19, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Costco has a 24 pack for a really low price. But, you need a pickemup truck to haul it home.

Gratuitous World March 19, 2012 at 4:36 pm

slut.

Lascauxcaveman March 19, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I tossed my cookies.

Beowoof March 19, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Must be a lot sex happening if this much Santorum, is flying around.

bagofmice March 19, 2012 at 4:42 pm

So he went skydiving?

AlterNewt March 19, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Everybody's goin' all Ira Glass lately.

Guppy March 19, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I've lost all faith in journalism now.

AlterNewt March 19, 2012 at 5:11 pm

God bless America. We're #1 when it comes to losing our innocence, repeatedly.

Crank_Tango March 19, 2012 at 4:43 pm

this skullfucking with santorum is making me feel what the french would call "lated".

smashedinhat March 19, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Someone tossed Santorum's salad? Yuck!

Wilcoxyz March 19, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Well, the technical Dirty Sanchez there should help with the Latino vote.

Preferred Customer March 19, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Does that mean, with the Ohio primary behind us, that we can finally stop talking about Cleveland steamers?

UnionAgitator March 19, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Rick sez he gets his blow-jobs because climate change:

"We know that climate changes over time, that he earth warms and cools over time. This debate is about whether human activity plays a role, and whether U.S. emissions cuts can have any effect when China and India refuse to go along."

Earth gets warm.
Earth gets cool.
Nobody can explain it.

PLUS

Even though anybody CAN explain it
China and India will still fuck us.
So why bother?

starfanglednut March 19, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Oh for fucking fucks fucking sake:

"Those living on or near the Gulf Coast in particular know the impact these extreme environmental positions can have on the region’s economy."

Yes, Rickypoo. It's environmental regulation that has destroyed the Gulf's economy.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Is this just pandering, or is he really that stupid?

Baconzgood March 19, 2012 at 4:52 pm

A little from column A and little column B.

MissTaken March 19, 2012 at 4:58 pm

If it wasn't for the environmentalists cleaning up the gulf all those residents could've just walked down to their backyard beach, scooped up some oil, and filled up their cars. Instead they have to pay $4 a gallon from some fancypants gas station. Fucking tree-huggers.

Loaded_Pants March 19, 2012 at 8:05 pm

He's panderlingly stupid of stupidly pandering. It could be the case that he's both.

MissTaken March 19, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Did Santorum get blown and tossed in Puerto Rico? Limbaugh usually goes to the Dominican Republic for that kind of service.

el_donaldo March 19, 2012 at 4:53 pm

A whole lot of froth over nothing if you ask me. I'm pretty sure I can use the Constitution to prove that a poop dropling could never be sworn in as a President anyway.

SorosBot March 19, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Hey, getting blown is against the rules of the Catholic Church!

emmelemm March 19, 2012 at 5:04 pm

But not Pat Robertson's church! (Whatever that is…)

SorosBot March 19, 2012 at 5:11 pm

St. Reagan's Church of Alzheimer's.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 19, 2012 at 5:30 pm

That's not what they told the alter boys.

FROTHY March 19, 2012 at 9:34 pm

And you would know this how, exactly, young man?

dadanarchist March 19, 2012 at 4:58 pm

All I know is that you should be very wary if you find yourself behind Rick Santorum at the Applebee's Tossed Salad Bar.

FROTHY March 19, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Frankly, you should be very wary if you find yourself anywhere *near* Santorum. Srsly. Unless you have your galoshes on.

Numbat_Dundee March 19, 2012 at 5:00 pm

So let's get this right. If we're all politically correct we'll get blown. Sounds ok to me.

Local_Mojo March 19, 2012 at 5:02 pm

If only he had written this in Puerto Rican, it might have been a game-changer.

TeaNuts March 19, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I thought the phrase was "spits or swallows", I confused.

emmelemm March 19, 2012 at 5:05 pm

You made me click on a RedState link. I hate you.

elburritodeluxe March 19, 2012 at 5:06 pm

RedState is right! What would a Republican's message even BE without bigoted remarks like this? Show some restraint, liberals!

FROTHY March 19, 2012 at 9:36 pm

That's "Librulz" to you, young-fellow-me-lad.

MissTaken March 19, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I'm looking forward to the inevitable book this pile of butt-juice will write. I think a title of "Blown and Tossed – The Santorum Stance" is a good start.

SorosBot March 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm

He's going to spew his stinky words all over the paper and stain American discourse with all that shitty hate and vitriol/

Jus_Wonderin March 19, 2012 at 5:26 pm

He really could save some time and just lift some of the crap that Sarah "writes" in her skreeds. Hell, he could lift it, reverse the word order and still it would probably make more sense (yet, still crazy).

Loaded_Pants March 19, 2012 at 7:47 pm

"Blown and Tossed" would be a good title for the book about many of the dates I've had.

FROTHY March 19, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Honestly, it's probably the best title for the life experiences of MOST of us.

Wut? This is the Wonketz. It's all about teh buttsechs. Also oral.

Jus_Wonderin March 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Neil deGrasse Tyson, on Bill Maher the other night said we should be funding space endeavors that allow us the option of colonizing Mars. I paraphase. But, I agree. I'd like to have a winter home when the Earth becomes a permanent, parched "summer" home.

And, to be able to have a piece of land where stupid conservatives are not all around me.

4TheTurnstiles March 19, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Here, this is the best news about Santorum this month, and perhaps ever. Hooray!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu-TYFFtcCs

BarackMyWorld March 19, 2012 at 5:29 pm

OT: Tweety is trying to reason with a Republican congresswoman, Jo Ann Emerson, on gas prices. Its like she has a fact bubble around her head to keep herself from letting any true information from influencing what she is saying.

Biff March 19, 2012 at 5:41 pm

I wasn't actually watching when she started in, but I started reflexively screaming at the teevee from the kitchen at the dumb that kept falling from her mouth. When I got back to the living room and saw those eyes, I knew there was gonna be an (R) after her name.

FROTHY March 19, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Have I told you lately that I love you? No? Consider it said.

I thought I was the only person who ever screamed at the screen when these maroons started spouting their shit. It's one reason I won't have a TV — I just fucking KNOW I would heave the heaviest book at hand straight through the fucking screen.

Biff March 19, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Aw, shucks.I went a lot of years without a TV, happily. I've devolved, don't want to go without it now.Hope you're well…

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 19, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Listen, we all knew that Santorum was a tosser…, but I think I am as surprised as anyone to find out that he was ever blown.

FROTHY March 19, 2012 at 9:40 pm

The only way that PoS will EVAH be blown is straight to the moon on his own farts. Or maybe he'll finally break down and come out of the closet and suck Dan Savage's cock on national TV.

Antispandex March 19, 2012 at 5:52 pm

"Santorum now confirms that he is blown and tossed.

Wonkette regrets the error."

Don't be so hard on yourself. It's a common mistake.

bnerd85 March 19, 2012 at 6:01 pm

I'll wait for the memoir with the title "Blown and Tossed: Santorum Spreads In the Wind" to hit shelves soon.

neiltheblaze March 19, 2012 at 7:49 pm

I have no problem tossing Rick Santorum – but blowing him? That's too high a price to pay for being gay.

valgal2342 March 19, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Holy smokes! The commenters on Red State are…..are….are…..

imissopus March 20, 2012 at 1:04 am

…gibbering demented baboons?

ttommyunger March 20, 2012 at 8:34 am

Enough with the Santorum, already! This shit-stain has about as much chance at the Top Job as I do, so why all the attention? (I know, it's fun, but Jeeez……)

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