lies and the smegma-lipped liars who tell them

Rick Santorum Simply Does Not Care for Joe Scarborough’s ‘Gotcha’ Questions


Rick Santorum put the pout back on his smegma-caked lips when Sad Morning Joe host Joe Scarborough insisted on reminding him he was a dirty liar. First, temptressy succubus Mika Zbrzeziznzkszy was all, “Hey, so is everybody on your team telling you to zip it with this birth control nonsense yet, because I and all other ladies in the universe except for Kathryn Jean Lopez want to smack you right in your mean little puss?”

And then Santorum flapped his gums for a while about religion because zzzzzzzz. But then in came Joe for the knightly Mika-ssist, reminding Santorum he was the one who let gush this whole streaming pile of clotted menstrual blood last fall, when he promised that he was a way hipper and cooler sort of GOP presidential candidate because he would focus his campaign on reminding Americans that birth control is of The Debbil. Then Rick Santorum accused Joe Scarborough of asking a “gotcha” question by asking about something from the public record, from last fall, that does not fit in with Rick Santorum’s favored narrative of OBAMA DID IT!!1! And then Rick Santorum lied some more, because his mouth was open, the end. [Mediaite]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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Comments

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  • nounverb911

    The only women Santorum talks to are the Nuns that slapped him as a child.

    • Terry

      His wife certainly doesn't talk to him much.

      • DaRooster

        I'll bet she slaps him though.

        • Fare la Volpe

          That's why he only unbinds her hands in public.

          • Angry_Marmot

            I'd like to slap the white off him.

        • LetUsBray

          To know Santorum is to have a desperate urge to slap him.

          • GOPCrusher

            I don't know him and I'd like to slap the taste out of his mouth.

  • SorosBot

    Obviously no one on Santorum's team can tell him to stop harming his own campaign; otherwise they would have told him to keep his shirt on.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      … ; otherwise they wouldn't have jobs.

      Fixed.

    • Guppy

      They're the same people from the Cain and Gingrich campaigns that tried to tell their candidates to keep their pants on.

  • jaytingle

    President Santorum's second official act will be to have Mika's dad deported till he learns english.

  • nounverb911

    “You’re either for me, or you’re a Nazi.”
    –Rick Santorum

    • Callyson

      Or a Buddhist, per the next story…

    • Angry_Marmot

      Bush didn't do nuance; Santorum doesn't do irony.

  • Major Thom

    I don't know about you, but I think Mika is hawt.. especially when she refers to Zbiegniew as 'daddy'.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      I've *just* been reading Zbi's wiki entry, knowing his name was familiar, but never having made the connection of their related-ness before. I know zero about her and will probably be satisfied just getting up to speed on him, may she hope to inherit his longevity genes, still teaching into his 80s ffs~

      • James Michael Curley

        One story goes that Mika and Amy Carter were riding their 'big wheels' through the rose garden and knocked over Menachem Begin.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Anti-Semites!

    • chicken_thief

      She is certainly in my Top 5 MILF Politico's. Way above a commonly mentioned former half-term Gov of AK.

      • James Michael Curley

        I'm sill ranking a lot higher than either a certain former two term governor of Michigan.

  • Nostrildamus

    Looks like Rick picked up some brown in PR.

    • chicken_thief

      Well, that is something, at least. I mean, since he got zero delegates, it's nice for him to have something to remember his time there.

      • GOPCrusher

        Maybe something like a raging STD?

    • Gleem McShineys

      By definition, santorum is brown, isn't it?

  • metamarcisf

    Santorum would have been way effective dealing with Khrushchev and the Cuban missile crisis.

    • http://infrogmation.livejournal.com/ Infrogmation

      He would have embargoed any shipments of contraceptives to Cuba!

  • Terry

    I'd like to see Santorum say that Scarborough is a part of the liberal conspiracy against him.

  • Beetagger

    Sure, they care about babies before they're born, but after they grow up to be interns, it's ok to kill them… right Joe?

  • FNMA

    Since when can they put a video of woman along with two huge dicks on the TV? Shouldn't somebody notify the FCC?

    • Fare la Volpe

      As long as there's no nipple, it's okay to show these boobs.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Needs more Justin Timberleg.

  • DaRooster

    "Santorum Stance?!?"

    … really? That's pants down legs spread right?

  • Come here a minute

    Naturally Santorum got mad — nothing is more offensive to him than a slut asking questions.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      It infringes on his freedom of religion.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Santorum watched "the hunger games" this weekend but only because he thought it was a documentary on effective governance.

  • skoalrebel

    Listen, libtards! [spit!] Rick's just trying to get the subject back to the real issues. Like why we spend money on "blah people" (or, as we call 'em, "niggers").

  • BarackMyWorld

    When did politicians get so damn whiny?

    Imagine if someone pulled that "that's a gotcha question" shit on a job interview.

    • Fare la Volpe

      "'What is my greatest weakness?' Oh ho, you scummy 'interviewer' types are always trying to pigeonhole me. I'm not answering anything else."

      • Steverino247

        What is my greatest weakness? I refuse to answer questions designed to give prospective employers a reason not to hire me. But I'm working on it, though.

      • Come here a minute

        You couldn't just go with, "I care too much!"?

        • snoopyfan2010

          I always go with I am too focused on my job.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        "Well just because that's the question you asked doesn't mean it's the question I'm answering, Joe O'Volpe! Because I'm the kind of maverick rogue this company needs, you betcha (wink)!"

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          A little too accurate. That was scary.

        • Bezoar

          We go into interviews with the questions we have, not the questions we wish we had.

    • pdiddycornchips

      Well, that doesn't work unless you have a large and well funded international media apparatus that defends you/and/or rewrites your history. Here's what it would look like.

      interviewer: "So, your resume says you were a graduate of Harvard, we checked and Harvard has no record of you ever attending"

      me: "Well, there must be some mistake, no further questions on that subject at this time" " I would however like to discuss my plan for moving this company forward"

      Chris Mathews from joins us from the waiting room :

      Chris: "Did you see how man-ly he looked in that suit? Wouldn't you want to have a beer with this guy? When he speaks, it literally sends a chill down my spine"

      • snoopyfan2010

        What if there is proof and the interviewer is just being a faux reporter?

  • Fare la Volpe

    Oh for fuck's sake.

    At this point asking a GOPer "What is your name?" counts as a "Gotcha" question. Little pansy ass cowards, every one of them.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Funny cause it's true for santorum.

      • LetUsBray

        And "What is your favorite colour?" is definitely a gotcha question, especially when that's santorum, too.

    • LiveToServeYa

      Yeah. To quote Jon Stewart, it ain't necessarily a 'gotcha question' because it got ya.

  • MissTaken

    Yet another example of the liberal media and their GOTCHA! journalism.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Does Santorum look orange to anyone else? Did he dip his head in fry grease backstage?

    • skoalrebel

      He was relaxing in John Boner's tanning bed. Guess he fell asleep.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Wouldn't be the first congresscritter to pass out in Boner's bed.

  • ThundercatHo

    Looks like Lil' Ricky should have used a little more sunscreen and by that I mean tube of SPF 50 shoved down his pie hole.

  • BarackMyWorld

    This video comes in while the interview is already in-progress, but can no one ask Rick how exactly the contraception insurance mandate is "going after churches" when there has always been an exemption in the law for actual churches?

    • DaRooster

      It's kinda like them reading The Bible…just picking out the things they think, finding it somewhere and ignoring all of the other stuff that goes with it.
      You know… right-wingy.

      • anniegetyerfun

        Apparently it is now against the rules to call Santorum a baby. Just FYI.

    • valgal2342

      I wish someone would ask Rick exactly what freedoms is he losing and why his Heinz 57 variety of Christianity should have extra constitutional rights over the rest of us.

    • pdiddycornchips

      To Ricky, "going after churches" means not doing exactly as he says. He's pretty sure he and God are bro's so whatever he's thinking at any given moment is therefore a divine revelation. I'm pretty sure he takes it as an assault on his religious freedom if IHOP runs out of strawberry syrup and he has to have his pancakes with maple.

  • JustPixelz

    Playing the victim like that is Santorum's equivalent of Newt Gingrich* saying the "elite media" is against him. It makes his dog-whistle-tuned supporters shake their fists and say "dagnabbit".
    ________________________
    * sack of shit who ran for POTUS as a way to get blowjobs

  • bumfug

    Why is it that if an asshole says and does asshole things, someone else is the bad guy for pointing out that they're assholes? "Gotcha" question my ass.

  • SorosBot

    Hey, if you're going to take a position that nearly everybody in the entire country disagrees with (not to mention which proves you hate women and sex), you're gonna get called on it, you stupid douchebag cocksucker.

    • Fare la Volpe

      That is a malicious slander against real cocksuckers, some of the hardest working patriots in America.

      • SorosBot

        Now I suspect that Rick is a real cocksucker; and hope that soon one of his rentboys comes forward to tell the full story of Santorum's secret sexcapades.

        • Fare la Volpe

          If Rick were a secret homo, I guarantee you that he'd be one of those assholes who'd say, "Nah, I don't give oral – I find it degrading. Now get on your knees and suck me off."

          • deelzebub

            And these people continue to get fucked how? Anyone who told me they refused to give but loved receiving oral would never see my ass naked again. I'd be sure to spread the word about Captain Selfish around town, too.

      • anniegetyerfun

        Great abs, too. Ergo, Rick cannot actually be a cocksucker.

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      Santorum gay? That would be so meta.

  • MissTaken

    Really? As if Monday morning isn't bad enough on it's own. Now I have to think about the Santorum Stance, too??

    • SorosBot

      What's the Santorum Stance, bent over and handcuffed to the bed with a ball gag in his mouth while his male prostitute / dominator whips him?

      • MissTaken

        I assume so, but since I'm eating lunch I will not go to Urban Dictionary to find out for sure.

  • anniegetyerfun

    I didn't believe that Rick's face could get any uglier, but look at that.

  • FakaktaSouth

    "Because his mouth was open, the end."

    Say, that reminds me – Every time somebody poots in this house ever, my son, who is 11 and has seen Eddie Murphy on netflix, yells "aw my mouth was open" and becomes hysterical. I wish someone would rip one on Rick Santorum while he was talking. I bet Joe Scarborough has really gross starbucks farts. I would think that was hysterical.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      I know my morning Starbucks pot gets the old plumbing working, so I'm sure the ventilation on that set is blowing overtime.

    • ttommyunger

      Wifey says I am "the wind beneath her sheets." BTW, when is Ricky's mouth NOT open?

  • anniegetyerfun

    “You know,” he continued, “the left is very keen on talking about separation of church and state when they mean the churches can’t participate and people of faith can’t participate in the public square."

    Right. That's why there are no openly atheist Senators, because religious people are so oppressed in this fucking country.

    • SorosBot

      It's weird that he says "participate" when he means "dominate and control".

      • sarah_connor

        +1000.

        Prexactly, and those little f*** nuts think they are above the law.

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    Awwwwwww.
    Are you widdle boys feeling butt-hurt?

  • RadioStalingrad

    Why isn't this show called Morning Mika?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Because she doesn't have a penis, duh.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Because she doesn't have the backbone to set fire to Joe during a commercial break and flee with her kid, Willie Geist.

      • Negropolis

        LOL!

        I honestly don't get why Willie's there in the first place.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Did Santorum attack Mika for not being submissive enough and not sticking to questions about servicing your man and sewing sweater vests?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I have to disagree with Mediaite, as I've always found that the color of a good cup of morning joe and Santorum do not clash, but compliment each other.

  • barto

    In Santo's defense, everybody gets a little confused when these people engage in actual journalism.

  • StarsUponThars

    "hi, I'm Rick Santorum and I'm running for president of the He-Man Woman-Hater's Club. My platform reflects my belief that America can return to its former glory by denying women access to reproductive health care. I believe that single women are breeding criminals, but they shouldn't use birth control because that's against god's will, and if you get raped you should give thanks because that's a gift from god. Also, no more porn. Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?"

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    From now on, can we simply take it as read that anytime anyone asks any Republican about something stupid that they have said, campaigned on, and made central to their platform, but is really embarrassing if you are not completely insane, is a "Gotcha Question."

    • pdiddycornchips

      Let's not forget the Republican assault on women's reproductive health is really a totally made up thing that evil liberals are doing. Somehow, or something.

    • GOPCrusher

      I just assumed that any question asked by any other organization than Fox News was considered a "gotcha" question.

  • HelmutNewton

    I just wanna punch Ricky in the nose so that it "breaks" the other way.

  • An_Outhouse

    Liar, liar, face on fire.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    "…except for Kathryn Jean Lopez" and my crazy ass sister….

  • AbandonHope

    I want to see Santorum have an epic breakdown in (SPOILER ALERT) the style of Prohibition Agent Nelson van Alden at the end of Season 1 of Boardwalk Empire. I just can't help thinking of van Alden every single time I see or hear Santorum.

    • GOPCrusher

      I want to see Santorum caught balls deep in a teenage boy's butt.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Surely Assad will defer to appeals on the basis of 'gotcha question.'

  • hagajim

    I'll never forgive that c*nt Sarah for even giving us the fucking term "gotcha" question. Jesus! Aren't all questions – by definition – gotcha questions, especially if you're too fucking dumb to know anything?

  • MrFizzy

    OK boyz – Mika Brezinski or Dana Perino? Assuming neither of them is allowed to talk, because if Perino opens her mouth (to talk), game over.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Mika, no contest; always had a weakness for smart Polish / Slavic girls.

    • Rotundo_

      Mika, despite her attempts to seem like an idiot is the daughter of the Zbigster, has to have an intellect, and is dumbing it down for television. Give her some airtime on her own and I am thinking that she *isn't* like she is on the tee vee.

    • mayor_quimby

      Yuuuup, Mika, no contest. Mika can say more with her eyes in 30 seconds than Dana has ever expressed verbally.

    • Negropolis

      Mika. That isn't even a fair question.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Santorum does realize, doesn't he, that his platform is simply the American equivalent of the Muslim Brotherhood's platform in Egypt, only more draconian?

  • Toomush_Infer

    "Joe!, Joe!, Joe!, Amigo…." See, he is courting the Latino vote!…

  • LakeLucilleLoon

    Santorum mentioned "legitimate religions" but didn't elaborate. Which ones are those?

    • PubOption

      Well, Yahweh wasn't married to Mary.

  • owhatever

    And so begins another week of Santorum talkin' about jerbs and how to end wars.

  • DemonicRage

    I don't get Wonkette's joke about this guy having "smegma-coated" lips. There is nothing that this guy has ever said that suggests that this is how he gets his recreational hour pleasure, unlike many other Republicans, who profess one thing and do the other. Sorry, but…in this case, I think you are off the mark.

  • Steverino247

    Smegma-caked lips? Sure, why not. Give me a dozen.

  • Joey_Blau

    why did I do that… ? yuck.. from the start he starts with Obama imposing his will on the Church. and making church people "do things".. and leftist "exclude" faith people from their public square.

    slimely brown stuff all over me!

  • SkinnyNerd

    Do Santorum and Biden share the same dentist?

  • LiveToServeYa

    I suppose the entirety of history could be considered one long series of 'gotcha questions'.

  • stncmchnc

    That's either a Puerto Rico tan, or he got the spray-on Boner hue special.

  • Mr Pre-Press

    Little Ricky just lies back and thinks of Lynndie England.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Oh, NO!

  • Gopherit

    Suck that dick, Mika!

  • smitallica

    There's that liberal media again, quoting back something verbatim to a candidate that he actually fucking said not six months ago.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Santorum is a gotcha question waiting to be asked.

  • Rotundo_

    Little Debbie, $2.99 in the snacky food aisle.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    When the nuns taught Little Ricky about papal infallibility, he got confused and thought it applied to him.

  • Negropolis

    temptressy succubus Mika Zbrzeziznzkszy

    Good one.

  • ttommyunger

    If Ricky had any balls he would have asked Joe about dead interns, that would have produced a deafening silence.