Women's workNever let it be said that Mitt Romney does not understand women! He knows how much they contribute, how hard they work, how very important they are to the running of the celestial planet he will rule over as a God once he and his eternal family have quit this mortal plain! Not only does he understand all that, but he knows women are smart too, and care about the economy and the debt and the jerbz! Why do they understand this? This is why:

“You’ve got moms that are driving their kids to school and practice after school and other appointments and wonder how they can afford putting gasoline in the car, at the same time putting food on the table night after night,” he said. And then he opened a woman’s door, took her to dinner, and bought her a whore diamond. [NYT]

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  • nounverb911

    "Some of my best friends have chauffeurs for their kids."
    –Mitt Romney

    • memzilla

      "Some of my best friends own women."

      /alternate version

      • SorosBot

        "Some of my best wives are women."

        • SkinnyNerd

          You all better be careful what you are doing here. All these witty Mitty comments may actually persuade people to vote for him, just so that they can have a guaranteed source of humor for the next four years. It has happened before, you know. I would tread very carefully down this path.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Chauffeurs are people too, my friends.

      • Biff

        But how many of them are also women?

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      I spoke with one once on my way back from brunch. I understand your plight.

  • freakishlywrong

    "Women are people, my friend".

    • spends2much

      It goes like this:
      White guys
      So, yeah, I guess Mitt considers us "people-like", at least.

      • freakishlywrong

        Right up there with the family dog! Yes. I meant that..

        • Biff

          Hey, I used to volunteer for Family Dog Productions, for free concert tickets at the Avalon Ballroom!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      If Women are People, where are their penises?

  • nounverb911

    Did Anne Romney tie her kids to the roof of the family wagon too?

  • PhilippePetain

    It's nice to know that Mitt understands that women in no way can smell insincerity.

    • SkinnyNerd

      How many women has Rmoney hired in prominent positions in his companies?

  • memzilla

    If women are all John Maynard Keynes, then, by Mittbotsian logic, women are smart enough to figure out the economics of why the Rethuglicans have declared War on Health Care for them. DoucheEnemabag.

    • Tilley

      mmmmwah! [big fat smooch for memzilla]

  • Is that the stink of pander that I am smelling?

    • sullivanst

      I believe that would be "pander gone wrong"

    • memzilla

      It's magic pander.

    • V572 Flambé

      Mitt's pander don't stink! He eats a healthy diet, except during campaigns when he's forced to choke down "cheezy grits."

    • iburl

      Normally with pandering you try not to insult a large portion of the population you are pandering to, i.e., women who may not have kids or who may (gasp) have full-time jobs. Romneybot does not compute working women, ERROR, ERROR, ERROR. 404 PAGE NOT FOUND.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      There, there, little lady, don't you worry your pretty little head about it…….

    • AbandonHope

      It falls off of him everywhere he goes. He's got a bad case of panderuff.

    • JustPixelz

      Pandering is like a fart. Only your own smells sweet.

    • tessiee

      *Boston accent a la Mayor Quimby*
      No, I er-uh saw some panders at the zoo, and they don't smell anything like that. By any chance, are you er-uh thinking of anaconders, or llamers, or cheeters?

  • sullivanst

    "I don't know any women, but some of my friends own wives…"
    –Mitt Romney

  • SoBeach

    If one of the lil missus' Cadillacs runs out of gas she can just drive one of the others, right?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "You’ve got moms that are driving their kids to school and practice after school and other appointments"

    And they're always in my fucking way out there on the road trying to get someplace! Talking on the cellphone in their goddam Suburbans and being in front of me at the drive-thru at the Taco Cabana in their goddam mini-vans full of curtain climbers! Get a job and get off the road, lady!!!

    • V572 Flambé

      You think those kids are gonna ride their bikes to ballet/soccer practice? Get real…these are Republicans!

      • CrankyLttlCamperette

        Or walk…or take mass transit…wait, what am I thinking?

        • V572 Flambé

          Why do you hate internal-combustion-engine freedom, and want to force us down the path to European mass transit?

    • tessiee

      "Get a job and get off the road, lady!!!"

      At which point she'll be a bad mother and/or taking a job away from some man who needs it to support a family.

  • SexySmurf

    Broads are also experts on jobs, too: you know, like blow jobs, hand jobs, titty jobs…

    • Steverino247

      Speaking of which, I could use a job.

      • SorosBot

        Same here. Where's my job, Boehner?

      • Steverino247

        No, I was referring to one of those jobs SexySmurf was talking about.

    • Not_So_Much

      Not Mormon women, I'm guessing. Missionary Position + Shame = procreation ONLY.

      • BornInATrailer

        Still, gotta be better than Santorum with his bundling board and hole-in-the-sheet.

        I may have my religions and marital bed practices cross-wired there…

        • Crank_Tango

          so does he.

  • Callyson

    “I love it that women are upset, too, that women are talking about the economy, I love that,” Mrs. Romney said at a pancake breakfast here. “Women are talking about jobs; women are talking about deficit spending. Thank you, women.”
    Jesus, this is as condescending as the grits business…
    …but yeah, Mrs Romney, we women are talking about the economy: specifically, we are noticing that it is finally showing signs of a real recovery, despite every effort on your party's part to destroy Obama so that you can come back to power and re – enact the policies that got the country into the mess that has taken us so long to clean up in the first place. You're welcome.

    • freakishlywrong

      Mrs. Panderbot does not compute. Detecting possible sarcasm mixed with truth.

    • FraAnima

      Wish I could upfist you multiple times. And I mean that in a completely platonic way.

  • Btw, where is the line for the whore diamonds? I ain't too proud to take one. That is what we chicks do.

  • There are no women in Mitt's idea of the paid workforce. They spend all their time chauffeuring their many kids and ironing magic underwear.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      They can make plenty of money on the side by selling Amway and holding Tupperware parties.

      • Barrelhse

        The Republican ladies do the Sex Toys parties,too, because the Republican men, well…you know.

      • Biff

        Wasn't it dick cheney who told us about all the munniez to be made on ebay?

    • Biff

      Rmoney needs a bit less starch in his, I'm thinking.

  • Women understand calendars because of their monthlies.

    • nounverb911

      Vanity Fair and Architectural Digest?

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Sheeit, – you mean, they, they, you know, like bleed. Every month? What the fuuc… OK, Ok, not so loud, you mean, ladies..? Really? REALLY? Sheesh, I, I, well I never even IMAGINED…
      No Shit…?

      • Biff

        This must be why Rmoney has so many houses–the spares are actually menstrual sheds.

  • V572 Flambé

    It's easier to afford gas to run all those lady-errands if you're not running them in a planet-destroying, gas-guzzling roadhog of a Cadillac. Real moms drive Dodge minivans with the space-saver spare on the right front, multiple door dings, the upholstery trashed by kids and dogs, and one tail light burned out.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Yeah, they drive them right over my motorcycle because they're too busy yakking about their latest toenail polish color to notice that their might actually be other vehicles on the road, especially vulnerable ones, like me on my bike!

      Oops. Wrong forum.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Okay, I was already feeling like a lady from Romney's comments, but you just confirmed it. Although I drive a Honda Odyssey with working lights (had to replace one a month ago) and four full size tires (just had to replace those 6 months ago), that's me to a T – Minivan Mr. Mom. No wonder Romney makes me want to my eyes and ears with a nail file.

      • V572 Flambé

        Minivans are more fuel- and space-efficient, and much safer, than SUVs, despite the disdain they now seem to have earned. So drive that Odyssey with pride!

        • MissNancyPriss

          Fuck yeah, minivans.

  • cheetojeebus

    This guy is a veritable Will Rogers, you know, without the folk wisdom, wit or rope tricks.

    • nounverb911

      “I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.”
      –Will Rogers

      • cheetojeebus

        There is that too.

    • iburl

      or likable personality, charisma, intelligence, human touch… (ad infinitum).

  • GodShammgod

    I thought Mexicans were the ones that did that for Mitt's family. No wonder he's so popular among Latinos!

  • poorgradstudent

    What about all the money they manage to get drive-through abortions and spend food stamps on diaphragms?

    • OneDollarJuana

      Hey, they want free birth control because they're spending all of their food stamps on plane tickets to Hawaii.

      • An_Outhouse

        plus they're fucking so much it wouldn't matter how much they made, they still couldn't afford all the birth control they would need.

  • Ducksworthy

    If Rawmoney doesn't win the Presidentcie the Celestial Planet ™ he gets to rule over will only be about the size of Pluto.

    • GodShammgod

      I wonder if the Mormon Bishopric(k) will ask Romney for a refund for all the money they've been funneling into his super PACs, when he inevitably loses.

      • Ducksworthy

        My guess is that he'll have to work it off on one of the orphan farms.

  • memzilla

    "I got started right this morning with a Midol™ and some cheesy grits. I'll tell you. Delicious. I'm learning to say 'feelings' and I like doucheing. Strange things are happening to me."

  • SorosBot

    Santorum was claiming all the lady-hating action and Mitt just had to get on that.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I love Mitt's up-to-date cultural references. With style like that, he's a sure bet to kick President Ford's ass at the convention.

    • chicken_thief

      I was thinking he sounds like he is running against incumbent Harry S. Truman.

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      "Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the Deluxe Gas Princess. This beauty has four broilers; a casserole indicator; a fold-out ironing board; and, down here, a foot-soaking tub; since, as a woman, you'll be standing in front of it all day."

      • tessiee

        Futurama FTW!

        • Dr. Nick Riviera

          *high five*

  • Sometimes the housewives wiggle their noses to activate their majik powers to help their husband Durwood win a new ad account for Dog Food and keep their mother Pandora from fucking everything up.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Damn, women are talking about the economy and jobs?! Next thing you know they'll be putting on shoes and trying to vote. We need someone to stop this pronto!

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Women be shoppin'!

    • SorosBot

      Just put some shoes on sale; that will distract them, you know how girls just love shoes.

  • freakishlywrong

    "Women are great at shuffling the kids around, but I don't trust them to make decisions about their hoo-hoos".

  • SorosBot

    And Mitt, some women also understand the economy because the have jobs that are effected by it. Some of them don't have kids, or even want them. Oh but then these are self-respecting women so they wouldn't be voting in a Republican primary in the first place.

  • Fare la Volpe

    So which of Mitt's wives told him to say this?

    • nounverb911

      All of them, Katie.

  • Finally, a mystery is solved. It takes two Cadillacs to shuttle an entire soccer team around.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Jesus H. Christ, you have to be fucking kidding me.

    How the hell is this twat coming up with this shit?

    • fuflans

      shit goes in, shit goes out. who can explain it?

      • V572 Flambé

        But no liquor or caffeine!

      • Dr_Zoidberg

        It's like the moon, and magnets. Beyond human comprehension.

    • AbandonHope

      Somewhat OT, but I have to say, your comments are about ten times funnier when read with Zoidberg's voice.

      • Dr_Zoidberg

        Everything is funnier when Zoidberg reads it!

        • tessiee

          "Hello, it's me — Zoidberg! I broke your television!"

  • Come here a minute

    Women also understand the economy from making me a sandwich.

    • Preferred Customer

      It puts the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose again. Simple, really. Supply and demand.

  • edgydrifter

    Willard understands women, and he knows exactly what they want–an ironing board with cupholders.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    And women understand space flight because Christa McAuliffe and Sally Ride.

    • Biff

      Also, Alice Kramden.

  • Who says Mittens doesn't understand the plight of the average American?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Average Americans … but hey, what do they know, right?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Wait. Since when do we let women drive the horseless carriages?

  • Geminisunmars

    Well, I know the ekonomee is broken because gas costs more than last month when I go to fill the cadillac tank. Why is Obammer making it cost more?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Since Mitt has never personally driven anyone anywhere, can we assume he knows nothing about the economy?

    • Geminisunmars

      Seamus begs to differ with you, Sir.

    • tessiee

      No, you cannot assume he knows nothing about the economy because he's never driven anywhere.
      However, you *can* assume he knows nothing about the economy by virtue of the dumb-assed statements that march out of his mouth.

  • Not_So_Much

    Well, the Romnettes say it's all good now. But what about when Mitt ascends to become a God and takes thousands more wives in his Celestial Kingdom? Totally cool with that too?

  • Baconzgood

    "Some of my best friends own moms that are driving their kids to school and practice after school and other appointments"

    -Mitt Romney-

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    When will N0bama address our womanly concerns like the cost of roasts and ironing boards?

  • fuflans

    women. what do they want?

  • soccer moms

    Objectively speaking: it does seem kinda pitiful the nation we've become, driving a motor vehicle in order to get out and run around a soccer field for hours. When you could achieve the same fitness, stamina and physique by just plain running. Eliminate the middlemama! No, it's not chauvenfferism!

    • SorosBot

      When I was a kid, we used to just leave the house and run around the neighborhood to have fun. Now though it seems like most parents won't let their kids actually have fun on their own; no, it's got to be only organized "play dates" and sports leagues.

      • tessiee

        No kids are allowed out of their houses anymore, regardless of the kids or neighborhood in question, because ?? they just aren't.

    • Free range children aren't allowed in most neighborhoods now. If they aren't at soccer practice they have to be kept on a leash.

      • People decry the current generation being raised is the first that'll never have known a world without the ubiquitous electronic-stimuli — like SmartPhones, iPads, wireless connecting/ voiceless interaction — but the ways (I perceive) this robs them of the outdoor stimuli, direct personal contact & a bit of risk-taking (crossing creeks on foot to reach a friend's house; maybe discovering, who knows, a 'salamander'**; befriending *and* quarreling w/ neighboring kids beyond your age/peer group; riding the bike to adjacent neighborhoods and stretching your boundaries) — is only exceeded by the ways it's depriving them of the related opportunities to innovate, problem-solve, get hurt & grow up & exercise some self-actualization.
        **an NPR story years ago described a sampling of schools in Britain whose schoolchildren, by a large proportion, could not identify a projected image of a salamander; either didn't know its name or else didn't even recognize the specimen as familiar or similar to anything they'd seen. It was a story profiling the decline of literacy<<>>being read aloud to but also reflects how short-changed an increasingly sheltered youth are during their most formative years.

  • anniegetyerfun

    It's so weird to think that half of the population notices stuff that the other half of the population also notices. And talks about it!

  • Goonemeritus

    Being a mom gives you insight into macro economics just like reading Leviticus makes you a creative lover.

  • fartknocker

    Mrs. Fartknocker told me this morning that Mitt Romney is full of shit and a vote pandering asshole. In my home Mrs. Fartknocker is pretty spot-on about these things.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Women are more than welcome in the Republican big tent of perceived victimization!

  • OneYieldRegular

    "No, really, women are great, they really are. They're the best, along with everyone else."

  • Nesnora

    Yes, that is simply all we do.

    And for the rest of the 20%+ of voting women (based on census predictions from the 90's, also Pew Research Center 2010 study) that don't have/want children, we can place life-size stuffed dolls in our passenger seats and drive hither and to the local YMCA if we want to waste gas and think of complicated economy stuffs.

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      Mitt feels the pain of us barren spinsters

    • Biff

      Whatever it takes to get into the HOV lanes.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Yeah! Talk to me Mitt! Because I hate how much MORE GAS the weight from all the kids in their crates on the roof sucks up when I'm sitting in carpool. What? They LOVE it up there.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      That diarrhea does a number on your paint job.

    • anniegetyerfun

      "What? The container is air-tight, so you can't hear their screams."

  • sullivanst

    Why am I reminded of the classic Harry Enfield bit, "Women, Know Your Limits"?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    "…and I understand this is difficult given these women are always barefoot and pregnant."

  • Guppy

    Because Dad's paycheck is totally enough to support the entire family!

  • RadioStalingrad

    And then he pulled up his mommy jeans.

  • My guess is he is attempting to catch the Mad Men series premiere wave.

  • Nostrildamus

    Look, women aren't really my sport, but I've got several good friends that are women owners…

  • kissawookiee

    Women understand the economy because they do all the damn driving, all the damn shopping, and all the damn cooking and cleaning. Managing debilitating menstrual cycles, pregnancy, and childbirth, though, is best left to the men, because women understand roughly ass plus five percent about that sort of thing.

  • SorosBot

    Mrs. Romney's lines from the same article are even worse:

    “Do you know what women care about — and this is what I love — women care about jobs,” she said. “Women care about the economy, they care about their children, and they care about the debt. And they’re angry, they’re furious about the entitlement debt that we’re leaving our children.”

    It's so weird and great that women care about jobs, because it's not like any of them actually have jobs themselves to worry about. And they all care about their children – apparently childless women just don't exist in Romney-land.

    • freakishlywrong

      Mitt might fry a chip if someone showed him the over/under on what women think about health care and "entitlements".

    • dinkybossetti

      I find her word choice interesting. She says women "care" about the economy, but she doesn't suggest we "know" about it, or can speak in an intelligent informed way about it. Women apparently are enraged, and only then because of how these things may affect the children.

      • SorosBot

        It's all about the children; that's all the ladies care about, that and keeping the house nice and pleasing their man.

    • Translation: Reinstating the Estate Tax would make me have to get a job if Mitt keeled over.

  • dinkybossetti

    As a woman with no car or children, I am hoping one of you moms out there will take pity on me and explain this "economy" thing. What is it? How does it work? Should I care about it, and if so, why?

    • anniegetyerfun

      I don't have any kidlings yet, but I do have a Prius! As such, I have no idea how the economy works, because it only costs me about $30/week for my commute (maybe 250 miles?).

      And that's what we call "socialism."

      • dinkybossetti

        Oh, gosh. This is much more complex than I originally thought. I'm going to ask my husband to explain "socialism" to me later. He has the right bits for understanding and caring about this stuff. My womb and I just find it all so dreadfully dull. Hopefully he will find a way to keep my interest and make me understand, preferably with illustrations of shoes and examples I can relate to, such as how it all affects my purchases of lipstick, mascara, and groceries.

  • prommie

    Thank you, women, and thank you India. How 'bout them transparent dangling carrots?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Don't forget to get beer on the way home too.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Given the gender gap, women must understand economics well enough to know his policies are bullshit.

  • hagajim

    celestial planet he will rule over as a God…is this why Willard keeps running? Is he looking for hands on experience on how to run something in the afterlife?

  • Beowoof

    Fuck Micro and Macro economics and Money and Banking and Corporate finance and all that other economic training shit I took in college, I can't drive the kids to practice cause gas is more expensive and all the prepackaged horseshit I buy as groceries each week costs more.
    What happened when I was a kid we rode our bikes or walked to practice and Mom actually made food from scratch. Sigh.

  • GreatChristiano

    And, AND… womens prolly cook the grits he so luvs…

  • owhatever

    Those smart, struggling women know how to stretch a dollar. I know how they feel, because I have felt them.

  • Wilcoxyz

    Anne told women at the pancake breakfast that the best way to improve their children's future is to marry rich. Now how do we encourage more women to do that?


    He should use a similar analogy to compare flying accommodation to understand that the business class has nothing to do with the whole economy.

  • MissTaken

    My husband gives me $100 a week to spend on gas and getting my nails done ($120 if I swallow) so these high gas prices are really a burden to me. And my children. My children should not have to ride in a car driven by a women with chipped fingernail polish. That's just cruel.

    • SorosBot

      I bet you get a cut in your allowance if dinner's late, though. Do you also get the whore diamonds from him, or is he just giving those to his mistress these days?

  • Most women have a hell of a time keeping the gas tank filled in both of their Cadillacs!

  • Come on, sheeple! You certainly don't expect MEN to be out driving kids around. We have important things to do like bringing home the bacon, beer-drinking, and watching football.

    • dinkybossetti

      You mean "bringing home the bacon," but not literally bringing home the bacon, right? Grocery shopping is women's work; otherwise, how will we know how much to care about the economy?

      • bikerlaureate

        She can bring home the bacon,
        fry it up in a pan.

        • tessiee

          And never let him forget he's a man.

  • Borborygmy

    Mortal plane.

  • Troglodeity

    Oh-kayyy. Looks like the Republicans have the black, Latino and women's vote pretty much nailed down.

    I think they've been neglecting the Irish-American vote, though. Maybe Mitt can say something about how much he loves drinking Black and Tans.

  • DahBoner

    This ladies drive cars?

    Why bother taking your car to a mechanic?

    These ladies can just fix it themselves, since they know all about cars..


    Also, cab drivers know a lot about economic conditions and forecasts. What is the nexus here, there and everywhere?

  • tessiee

    “You’ve got moms that are driving their kids to school and practice after school and other appointments and wonder how they can afford putting gasoline in the car, at the same time putting food on the table night after night,”

    "Because being a mom isn't a *real* job. That's why we don't pay 'em, bless their little hearts."

  • ttommyunger

    I finally figured out the problem with Mitt: he has no control over his tongue. Once that thing gets going it just keeps going and going and going, like the fucking bunny. He's got a look on his face like "I know I'm fucking up big-time, here" but he just can't shut up. I've known preachers like that, they just can't seem to find a good place to stop. Not a good trait for a Head of State.

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