Mitt Romney has won the state (haha SUCKERZ, in yer dreams, PUERTO RICO) territory or whatever of Puerto Rico, after the territory or maybe foreign country declined to vote for Rick Santorum, the man who told English-speaking Puerto Rico, which speaks English, to start speaking English and stop being a bunch of Mexicans already, in Jesus’ name, amen.
Puerto Rico is no Girl Gone Wild. Puerto Rico’s got some goddamned self-esteem! How much self-esteem does Puerto Rico have? It gave Santorum 8 percent.
And that is probably the last time you’ll hear about Puerto Rico for a solid four years. [CNN]
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I'm beginning to think that maybe there's something a little off about that Santorum guy.
Only a LITTLE something off with Santorum? I think this may qualify as the understatement of the century, sort of like when General Custer stated, "There are only a few Indians."
Or Santorum's statement: "I'm only a little bit white."
Could it be that overwhelming smell of santorum?
"Hey, Maude, there's something 'a little off' about this pile of shit."
I think the corn has gone bad.
Rickie…ju got some splainin to do.
Adios, pendejo.
I logged in just to say the same thing. Saved me the trouble, so…Thank you!
is that Spanish for: See you, panderer [Mittens] ?
He better watch out…he doesn't want them to go all Puerto Rican on him…trust me!
Boy, boy, crazy boy: get cool, boy!
Don't think I won't cut you.
Is still a good place to hide you Romney, right?
The island of Puerto Rico tried a week of ESL classes and was like: "fuck this noise, votemos por Don Romney."
Jajaja, Ricky, vamos hablar en otro idioma que queremos. Y eres un perdedor, también, demasiado.
Romney must have put it over the top with '"The sand is just the right color" .
And it comes with free monkeys!
Cheeky Monkeys?
And the palm trees? Well, they are the right height. And, they come up to about here, on him…same height as his wife, in fact.
English or Spanish, Santorum still means idiot/idiota.
…among other meanings…
Tambien el producto de la sodomia anal.
PR does export many baseball players to the mainland.
Rmoney knows owners of baseball teams.
It fits.
He's probably tight with some real estate developers as well.
I'm friends with people they own most of Puerto Rico.
It wouldn't shock me if his ancestors owned quite a few Puerto Ricans too.
"Baseball has been berry berry good to me."
-Chico Esquela
Oh dear, and after he showed them his nipples. He must feel… like a slut.
Get the aspirin.
That's the best cure for Santorum, Uncle Jeber used to say. Have him hold an aspirin between his knees! Har har har.
I'd be in favor of a ball gag; that way, he can't talk.
Ha Ha! Puerto Ricans! They think they're people!
Ahem…
HA-HA!!!!!
En Espanol:
"JA ja!"
Santorum told Puerto Rico it didn't rate as a state. Puerto Rico told Santorum he didn't rate double digits. That seems fair.
He said if he wins Illinois he'll get the nomination. So that'll be his next loss.
Way to scare the shit out of Illinois voters, Ricky!
Eh, the voters don't scare that easily. The downstate GOP is full of nutbars, though, so there's reason for the sane population of America to worry. Exhibit A – through a split primary that dragged on (sound familiar), they wound up nominating a candidate for governor who thought sponsoring legislation on the mass euthanization of dogs and cats was just a great way to kick off his campaign.
Dems had no business keeping the governorship in 2010 – Blago had been impeached, his replacement was a moron who made John Kerry seem eloquent and terse by comparison, and there was that little Tea Party anger bear tsunami going on. But the GOP managed to cough up the one guy who couldn't seal the deal, because he was more "conservative" than other options. Still, I'm guessing Mittens winds up winning by 5 points because Newt siphons off just enough crazy.
Santorum means frothy mixture in all languages.
Actually, Rick, "NO" is the same in Spanish and English in Puerto Rico.
Winning the Republican primary in Puerto Rico is like winning the Liberal Party primary in Alabama.
When they reported that two out of twenty-five Republicans voted for Santorum, they weren't talking about a ratio.
How could Santorum win in a state/region that uses Sharia Election law?
Mr. Santorum, Jose "Cha-Cha" Jimenez is on line one. He wants to give you a big welcome to Chicago for the Illinois primary.
Oh, I Hope Not!
I really don't know why we bother paying attention to this guy. I mean, it's so obvious that he's only running to knock http://www.spreadingsantorum.com off its primo space on Google.
I could only upthumb you once, but I clicked on the linkie 10 times to make up for it.
Oh, Cool! You're so good to me.
I periodically go click on it 5-10 times. It's my civic duty.
I'm…I'm in tears.
Mine eyes have seen the Glory of the Clicking of the Link…
Excuse my seriousity but shouldn't we be entering santorum into Google to actually up-hit the page? I also do Yahoo search and Bing search as well. Both have santorum high on the list.
In all seriousness, I'm not entirely certain just how the Google search algorithms work – whether they rank exclusively on # of searches asked for, websites' keywords or actual links within web pages. What I do know is that at least one way Savage got the Google ranking up so high was by having a whole lotta people link to his site through their pages.
Google did, apparently, derate the Spreadingsantorum site somehow, earlier and Savage got pissed about it.
It has nothing to do with the number of clicks (Google has no way of counting those), and everything to do with the number of links, so pasting the link everywhere you can is the way to keep Savage's page high in the rankings.
Google recently started ranking the "quality" of the linking sites as well, to beat back the weasels who sell links (on bullshit "link farm" websites, like this one ) to other weasels willing to pay for artificially high ranking in Google searches. So if you're gonna post it, go with "reputable" sites. Wonkette probably doesn't qualify (and we're very proud of the fact), so shoot for major newspapers, newsmagazines, and blogs. Sprinkle it generously on the wingnut sites as well, just for the lulz.
I dunno, seems to me that Wonkette is as legitimate a site to link http://spreadingsantorum.com/ as any other. Wonkette is no link farm, after all.
It's sort of a perverted Pascal's Wager — if linking to http://spreadingsantorum.com does not raise its Google rankings, then we have lost nothing (except a few wasted keystrokes). On the other hand, if linking to http://spreadingsantorum.com DOES raise its Google rankings, then we have everything to gain by linking to it.
QED
Hm… suddenly Puerto Rico seems like a pretty decent place to live. Sun, sand, and a sane population (apparently).
And they just cleaned up that Santorum around the pool.
Santorum definitely had some bad PR PR. Actually Santorum is bad PR, period.
"Mitt Romney Won Puerto Rico"? I'm sure to Mitt that means Puerto Rico will be coming by to take care of his many lawns and gardens. He'll slip you some cash under the table, Puerto Rico.
Not now, he's running for office for Pete's sake!
I was sure Romney would at some point say that he has friends who own Puerto Rico. Or was that friends who own Puerto Ricans? Probably both.
Damn you! I'm still not deleting my comment, though.
The Santorum supporters chanting
' Not quite USA! Not quite USA! Not quite USA!', didn't help either.
Hey, give 'em a break. They were just trying out the chants of " Chinga!, Chinga! Chinga!" from the crowd.
C_R, you have been en fuego the past few days. Got goodies?
Naaah, this happens to me sometimes. I just have to roll with it.
"I just have to roll with it."
Then you do have goodies, QED.*
[*quad erat doobinum]
This will calm you. I thought it was a joke, but I guess not. Remember Thin Lizzy's tune 'Jailbreak'?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESmNtanLOc8
83 percent for Mittens? That's not a landslide, that a tsuromney!
a Mittstorm!
A Willnado!
A Durr-hurricane?
A Total Mitt-fit!
Voting on a weekend? How un-American! Real America votes during the work week to suppress the working schlub vote!
yeah, that's why we have early voting here in MD- you can vote Sat and Sunday as well as a full workweek(sunday until 6, other days until 9). This gives an unfair advantage to Democrats, so the GOP tells us.
That gut needs its own secret service protection.
Hey, Ricky, I have a message for you in American AND Puerto Rican:
Fuck you.
Santorum looks like he smells like bacon. Moldy, greasy, limp-wristed bacon.
But, Baconzgood!
I would sing the praises of Barry Obama to the Heavens even, if he would only declare bacon the official national meatcandy of the US of A.
Does our editrix never take a day off? Now that's dedication,, you lazy degenerate wastrels.
the work ethic on this kid.
an inspiration to all Wonkets
sober ones mostly probably
Also too.
Is our editrix a secret Catholic* nun? Sounds like she's laying the heavy guilt on us lazy degenerate wastrels.
*do Muslins have nuns? I believe we FSMers have nun-of-the-aboves.
Oh, there's no one who can lay on the guilt like a Jewish mother.
While the Jews may have invented guilt, the Catholics have turned it into a science.
Puerto Rico gave Santorum 8%? That's rather generous, considering. Me, I'd have stiffed the guy.
"I'd have stiffed the guy."
And he would have enjoyed it.
Damn it, I told Santorum not to draw too many allusions to his first name and Ricky Ricardo, that such shit won't play well there (let alone Cuba), but did he listen? No, he just said, "Look, friend, this bit kills in the Poconos. Just watch." And with that, he launched into the worst rendition of Baba-loo you've ever heard.
From Jason Linkins TV SoundOff at HuffPo (the only good thing ON HuffPo!)
Meanwhile, Puerto Rico votes today, and Santorum says that he'd make speaking English a requirement for statehood. [Jonathan] Karl says he knows no requirements. Santorum insists there are such requirements. Here's a question, what about the fact that Puerto Ricans are pretty much able to speak English anyway? English is a compulsory subject in school at all grade levels in Puerto Rico. Why bring it up? Santorum erected this condition, period.
"Santorum erected this condition, period."
No one needs to read anything about a Santorum erection, or his periods, thenkyew veddymuch.
No snark, I've found that in their fascination with the delusional in Santorum, people tend to miss out on the truly and honestly deep ignorance and stupidity of Little Ricky. This little weasel is just plain full-fuck stoopid!
Oh, next you're going to say Michele Bachmann doesn't know what's she's talking about either!
"what about the fact that Puerto Ricans are pretty much able to speak English anyway? English is a compulsory subject in school at all grade levels in Puerto Rico. Why bring it up?"
Just a crazy guess: Because what Ricky *really* wants is a skin color chart as a requirement for statehood, and he's in a pissy little snit that he can't come right out and say so?
Way to alienate your Catholic base, moron. If Puerto Rico had a shitload of delegates and non-brown people, Rooster woulda been out there chuggin' Pina Coladas, attempting to speak "Puerto Rican" and talking about how Jimmy Smits is his favorite actor of all time.
Eh, not a major loss for Rick since he was only campaigning in a Spanish-speaking country & not in the US: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2116796/O…
Drudge hede: ROMNEY WINS 51ST STATE
So suck it, Guam, Northern Marianas, and whatever-the-hell else we non-colonialists have in our big bag 'o land grabs!
Santorum has a fantasy of being Southern Mississippi's band director
Last time I checked, there were still some dead enders willing to vote Republican so I can understand why Santorum thought directing insulting folks would get their votes. After all, it is pretty much their only campaign "strategy" besides various bigotry.
Rick should have carried his "grits" strategy to PR. He totally would have won if he'd spent a little time talking about how much he likes eating plantains. Big, curvy, thick plantains.
Can we trade Puerto Rico for Texas?That way we wouldn't have to change all those flags. Win win.
I was always curious why Texas stole Chili's flag.
Spain might be willing to take Puerto Rico back. Can't imagine they'd want anything to do with Texass.
See, Santorum's wins in Alabama and Mississippi had suggested to me that he had no problem with states that don't speak English.
Well, they speak "American" which is an English-adjacent language, or at least so I'm told.
Hooray for insults across America 2012!
No, the next time we hear about Puerto Rico is when Obama flies in for the day and charms the motherfucking pantalones off those folks. The way only Bamz possibly can.
Puerto Rico, you ugly island… Island of tropic diseases. Or, at least, cholera, which is frequently proceeding from santorum.
In his latest prayers, God told Ricky he really fucked this one up.
Yeah, Puerto Rican Republicans had so much sense they voted for the guy that probably secretly wishes that he could make a work house out of the whole thing.
I love how the narrative is changing back to Romney being some kind of thoughtful, serious man. He's not, no matter how many expensive suits you wrap him in. He's another amoral asshole with daddy issues who sees regular people as expendable chess pieces in a game to enrich himself.
Rick wants to remake the world in what he see's as God's image, and for as crazily insane and scary as that is, he has made no secrets about his plan. Romney wants the presidency for no other reason than for personal validation and power's sake.
"wishes that he could make a work house out of the whole thing. "
i. e. another Saipan.
Yep. The media is swallowing his line about this meaning he has Latino voters (??). It was the REPUBLICAN PRIMARY. Only Republicans could vote! And Puerto Ricans are very different than many other Latinos. Good lord, I feel like skullfucking something.
Well, that, an Puerto Rico can't vote, though, it does have some effect on the Puerto Ricans of Florida and New York.
But, I wasn't even being that specific, rather this kind of changing narrative that Mitt is somehow better than Rick, even amongst us liberals. Truth is, that they are both insanely scary candidates in their own special ways. Romney is not the adult in the Republican Primary. There aren't any adults in the room. There is not a single "serious" candid among them, just a "serious"-looking one, and he only looks that way to someone not paying attention.
Santorum's vision of America is terrible. I think Mitt's version is even worse because he doesn't have one.
And what does that say about the USA? To me it means that the political game is so messed up we scared all the good people away.
BTW, good post. I don't always read the Wonkette early in the morning, but when I do I read your posts.
I don't know, I'm not so sure about that. If Rmoney doesn't have a vision for America, I could see him just being a caretaker President for four years, and then handing the reins to somebody new. Santorum, on the other hand, is downright terrifying. The man literally wants a Christian theocracy here, and will do just about everything in his power (and I'm guessing several things outside his power) to get it.
I will take a pandering milquetoast flip-flopper over a right-wing American Taliban nutcase any day.
How do you want to die–knife or gun? I see that as the Romney/Santorum choice. They're both quintessential dorks. I consider Romney the more dangerous, however, because his robot self only seems to be slightly more human.
I'm not electorally scared of Santorum becaue he simply can't win. Period.
Wow, talk about sensitive. You mean you can't diparage the citizenry without them holding back their votes?…..Cool!
Los portoriqueños saw Santorum's topless and realized he's not Jennifer López. Not even Marc Anthony, pinche cabrón.
Hello Illinoise!
Had a second in my busy schedule to land in Chicago. So where's Soldier Field? I want to take a big shit on it. Hate those Bears. Oh and how about those Cubs? Bunch of worthless losers..am I right!?
Gotta go, but remember to vote for me, Mitt Romney!"
Win/lose, I'm betting Lil Ricky and Mittens are just glad it's over down there. I mean, all those brown people…..yuchhhh!
See Rick, that's what ya get fer loungin' around the pool when you should be out canvassing like Rmoney was, Spanglish and all!
How'd Newt do? Last I heard of him, he was wandering around saying "Hola, Amigo–¿donde esta las mujeres blanca?
Mitt Romney was seen maniacally laughing after the votes were counted. Those Puerto Ricans should've read the fine print. Now they're all going to work at one of Romney's ten houses.
All hell broke loose at the Missouri caucus yesterday.
Just like Paultards to whip up a frenzy to the levels that a police helicopter have to be brought it. They're gonna need a bigger blimp.
OT:
Romney is such an entitled douchbag. Here he is declaring he will win Illinois in the GENERAL election and that all us browns will vote for him. Everytime I think I can't dislike him more, he proves me wrong.
“That’s encouraging. That’s encouraging. I haven’t decided whether we can get all 50 states or just close to them,” he said
Good god, I thought you made that quote up, but he really said it
http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/la-pn-romney…
"“If you’re in business, you have no choice but to be a fiscal conservative."
Warren Buffett and George Soros called to say they bought your entire family and that you're a douchehat, Mitt.
Somewhere a doll is being gripped oh so tightly and crybaby scrunchy face is starting to show.
OT: Anyone hear about OWS being cleared from Zuccotti, yesterday? Shit's getting real, again. The GOP is going to have to answer for their wintertime antics.
I get tweets about OWS so yeah, lots of people were hurt and the NYPD were doing their usual brutality thing again.
The excuse was that they were setting tents/tarps up in the square, but from what I hear, it was a very isolated event…and then the NYPD responded in their typical fashion towards OWS by just cold indiscriminate use of force against the entire crowd. You'd think they'd have learned who has the moral high ground from previous clashes with the protestors. Leave the damned kids alone. Jeeze.
I've just been reading a book about Bobby Kennedy on the campaign trail in '68, and I'm stunned at how relevant both his message and his detractors are today.
For example, in '68 he'd rail against poverty right here at home and argue that fighting expensive wars abroad was ridiculous when such shit happened in one's own country. He'd rail against corporatist nonsense. He'd be booed for suggesting that the US could do better.
Of course, Nixon won in '68 because Kennedy got shot. Escalation in Vietnam and, eventually, Watergate. However, Nixon did create the EPA and many other valuable societal institutions (with help from one of my favourite modern US politicians, Daniel Patrick Moynihan) which would be anathema to Republicans today.
The Southern Strategy is still in full effect, although the coding has changed slightly. Now it's "food-stamp President" and "welfare reform" rather than "law and order", but the message is the fucking same, albeit with even wider demographic reach. Kennedy called the US healthcare system broken at the time, and he was right. If I remember correctly, he said "healthcare should not be a luxury of the affluent" which is as true now as it was then.
There should be some snark in here, I think.
What's the difference between Mittens and a dead trout? The trout has stopped flip-flopping.
Only kind of tangentially related, but do you think Kennedy would have won both the nomination and the presidency in '68? I wasn't even a twinkle in the eye, yet, and I've never really looked back at that race, but from what little I've heard, Kennedy wasn't the favorite to win, either. But, I guess it's one of those "what ifs."
I wasn't even a twinkle either, but given the love for his brother, and from what I can make of his progress in the democratic primaries of the time – and his unparalleled support for causes which echo to this day, I would love to believe that he'd have been President rather than Nixon.
One can't be sure, but he was the most real candidate of that period. Whether that translates to a win, I do not know, but he had his own beautiful beliefs and something of his brother's oratory and personal magnetism.
See also Rick Perlstein's Nixonland for a pretty good discussion of Bobby Kennedy's very conscious efforts to brand himself as both a progressive reformer and as a tough-on-crime stalwart.
Santorum got raped at the Puerto Rico primary? Well, his beach picture showed he was asking for it. I'm sure he'll proudly take his newborn defeat to Illinois and his assured *snicker* victory.
Santorun wasn't actually trying to get votes in Puerto Rico with his English-Only nonsense. He was after votes in Teabagger America.
Yup. He knew his audience pretty well and they weren't in the same room.
No, Man, No. No. I don't want to go to The Magic Kingdom.
I gotta drive.
I hate the Doobinum Brothers! They're not even brothers. Or bruthas.
Where did you find this? Now…I must get this on my Zen player. Somehow.
See what you've done.
Oh… Thank You!!
?????
Just unlucky I guess. Guardianmusic was on the side of either some SXSW or St. Patty's day thing….just started clicking stuff.
Cover Tunes get me every time – good or no. It's the surprise.
This should have been Tim Pawlenty's campaign theme so..zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
As for women singing classic rock covers with a keyboard, I think I'll stick with Tori.
Eeeeeeeeexxxxelent. You just can't go wrong with Tori.
I needed that Jailbreak tune out of my head, although I'll use it later, just to Bother someone.
I like this version of Rock and Roll.
Kid Zoom and I are working our way through The West Wing on DVD, and with Season 4 coming up, that means he gets to see Dad get weepy at the episode with Tori Amos's cover of "I Don't Like Mondays" (as Bartlett memorializes students killed in a bombing at a college ). But considering that both Mom and Dad are sentimental doofuses who regularly tear up at movies and TV, he's used to it by now.
Sorkin knows how to do good honest tear-jerking –hell, I get a bit misty just THINKING of the Christmas episode in Season 1, where Toby finagles a military funeral for a homeless Korea vet.
For some reason I was thinking of the Lou Reed song Rock and Roll.
Or the Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels song Rock and Roll.
Or the Gary Glitter song Rock and Roll.
Santorum's are people, my friend.
All of them, Santorum.
You know who else was Santorum?
That cunt!
Hey Santorum, seems everything is funny to you.
Santorum. Heh heh.
At the very least, linking to Santorum is Funny.
The scene of Jeb Bartlett having Words with his God, alone in the National Cathedral after his secretary was killed in a car crash was flat-out astoundingly well done. And that's just the first thing that popped into my mind, there's so many others. I really should get this series, thanks! Enjoy.
There's much more satisfaction in posting to wingnut sites, especially if you tag it with something like Obama's birth certificate, which you know the goobers will never click on.
Interestingly, I have just discovered that you can tag a link with a white space, like this one . Now if you'll excuse me, I have some social calls to make.
Amusing trivia: After that episode of TWW, National Cathedral announced it would no longer be available for location shooting. The problem was not that the show depicted Bartlett cursing God out in Latin–it was the bit where he crushed out a cigarette butt on the floor.
EDIT: Kid Zoom also sez that mom and I have "ruined" TV & movies for him, because now he's noticing how they're written, edited, shot, and acted. Ah, critical thinking, such a bane…
OK, now…let me get this straight: Angry Blasphemies, shouted in the High Tongue of the Church, within the holiest point of the city is acceptable. What really goes over the line is Littering?
This I will never understand and it's why I will stay a devout Pastafarian. Noodly Appendages I can comprehend.
RE: Kid Zoom. Tell him "Welcome to Intellectual Adulthood" and to enjoy it. Gaining Knowledge is to be able to see and appreciate the clockworks running behind the visible world. There's always more Mystery out there to replace the ones he has to leave behind.
Gary Glitter! I love that one and I haven't thought about it in years!
Lou and Mitch are great, too, BTW
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