wait what?

San Diego Guy Who Made Africa YouTube Jacks Off Around Cars But Doesn’t Pee In Cup

Friday, friday, fridayJason Russell, the cofounder of white guilt organization Invisible Children who became famous when he… [finally skims an article about this thing after weeks]… when he made a YouTube with a sad white kid to raise white social media slacktivist awareness about the crimes of Uganda’s Lord’s Resistance Army leader Joseph Kony, was arrested for jacking off like a madman in San Diego last night. Also too, NBC San Diego reports, he was “vandalizing cars” (with cum?) and “possibly under the influence of something” (cum?) Police “said they received several calls yesterday at 11:30 a.m. of a man in various stages of undress, running through traffic and screaming. Police described him as ‘in his underwear.'” Well, good. Africa is saved! Now who wants another story about a San Diego political person jacking off in public, eh?

Hundreds of thousands of San Diegans have likely jacked off in public, with churros up their butts, since this March, 2008 story, but let’s revisit this man’s story about how he was just stone cold dischargin’ everything all night long:

San Diego City Council candidate John Hartley was booked into County Jail Thursday night on suspicion of indecent exposure, police said.

Hartley, 65, who served on the council from 1989 to 1993, was placed under citizen’s arrest after someone called police at 4:14 p.m. and said a man was urinating into a cup and masturbating publicly on Vista Street near Adams Avenue in Kensington, police spokeswoman Monica Munoz said.

Great town, San Diego. Have you ever tried visiting the there that’s there? It’s there.

[NBC San Diego]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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  • tbogg

    "Great town, San Diego. Have you ever tried visiting the there that’s there? It’s there."

    Hey hey hey, Newell. Easy there…

    • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

      Go back to Mexico

  • Barb

    Yeah, I heard he was outside and beating his dick like it owed him money.

    • AlterNewt

      If his dick owed him money, you'd think that they could have worked something out.

      • Barb

        Maybe he was hoping to cum into money, who knows?

        • AlterNewt

          Too bad. They seemed like such a nice couple.

      • Negropolis

        WIN

        "You want a job, don't you?"

    • Pat_Pending

      They call it, "roughing up the suspect."

  • nounverb911

    I am truly at a loss for words.

  • DrunkIrishman

    He just wanted to show the world his Invisible Children.

    • Extemporanus

      STOP THE SPERMACIDE IN SAN DIEGO!

      • DrunkIrishman

        CUMY 2012

    • Negropolis

      Game over. You win.

  • Callyson

    detained in Pacific Beach on Thursday for being drunk in public and masturbating
    Oh, come on–it's PB for heaven's sake. Is there a San Diegan who *hasn't* been drunk in public and masturbated there?

    • Barb

      Let's see, my bestie, Bill lives in San Diego. My husband went to college and got his first two degrees in San Diego. My father-in-law lives in La Jolla. Yep, I agree with your assessment. If you live in San Diego, you've definitely "flogged the dolphin" at the beach.

    • SecretMuslin

      This is probably the least disgusting thing that happened in PB last night.

    • GOPCrusher

      I once paid my travel agent extra for the right to that, the last trip I made to San Diego.

    • Pat_Pending

      yeah, we've all been there…

  • AlterNewt

    There are plenty of really nice indoor spots to yank it in San Diego.

    Or so I'm told.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Dude! You left out the naked dudes whacking it just 2 hours away – I TOTALLY would have already packed by now!!!

      • AlterNewt

        That's IT. I'm following you right now!

        • FakaktaSouth

          Right back at ya

  • Callyson

    "Due to the nature of the detention, he was not arrested…During the evaluation we learned we probably needed to take him to a medical facility because of statements he was saying."
    What, did he say he's voting Republican? If so, yes, please get him his meds…

  • north_of_moscow

    That's Marketing!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chillatte

    Isn't San Diego German for "a whale's vagina"?

    • AlterNewt

      Yes.

    • Barrelhse

      "I'm just doing my Job!"

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    It's the telepathic will of Duke Cunningham, controlling thoughts from his cell secret fortress, I tells ya!

  • Callyson

    Jesus, this story gets better and better:
    Invisible Children's CEO Ben Keesey released a statement after 1:40 p.m. on Friday saying:
    “Jason Russell was unfortunately hospitalized yesterday suffering from exhaustion, dehydration, and malnutrition."
    Yeah–I know when I have that problem, a little public drunkenness and masturbation clears it right up…

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

      “Jason Russell was unfortunately hospitalized yesterday suffering from exhaustion, dehydration, and malnutrition."

      Don't most people get too sore to continue well before they reach that point?

    • doloras

      Yes, you do tend to be "exhausted and dehydrated" when you're DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS. It's like that British press euphemism, "tired and emotional".

    • snoopyfan2010

      He should have has some juice.

  • tbogg

    We just have a lot of time (and other things) on our hands
    http://tinyurl.com/85vxtre

    • PuckStopsHere

      When questioned about it, he reportedly told police that he was there and had been adjusting the blinds.

      "Adjusting the blinds." YEAH, baby…

    • HogeyeGrex

      A KUSI official told The San Diego Union-Tribune that Lizura “resigned to pursue his own business.”

      Sounds to me like "pursuing his own business" was what got him in trouble in the first place.

    • neiltheblaze

      He looks like John Edwards' dumb cousin.

  • SorosBot

    Hey, the article on the city councilman who got arrested doesn't give his party – sure I'm laughing at him, but should it be laughter of glee or shame?

    • Callyson

      The San Diego city council is technically non – partisan, but since a quick Google search found an article posted on freerepublic.com, I'm guessing this guy is one of ours. Also, the fact that he was spanking his monkey to a female is another clue that he's a D…

      • SorosBot

        Non-partisan? How can you have elected offices without parties?

        • James Michael Curley

          Of the various styles of "Faulkner Act" municipal governments in NJ one or some, (I.m not in the mood to look it up today) require that the council candidates run without party affiliation. Doesn't mean they can't be a member of a party, declared as a register voter to a particular party of serve in another elected office after running as a party candidate or even serve in a county or state elected position having been on the ballot as a party affiliation.

          Those towns usually hold their council elections at a time other than the November general election. The NJ legislature passed a law allowing non-party affiliation Faulkner Act towns to move their election to November without becoming party affiliated elections (made for some weird ballots in 2010).

          Two of the largest 'municipalities' Newark and Jersey City are non-party affiliated.

        • MissTaken

          Oh they have parties, don't you worry. Of course those parties involve jacking off publicly.

          But yes, all local races in California are non-partisan. Throwback to our progressive days that also brought about our recall/referendum/proposition process.

          • SorosBot

            Well where's the fun in parties that don't involve public masturbation?

          • MissTaken

            Ain't a party til someone gets some jizz on the sidewalk.

          • SorosBot

            Ain't no party like a whack-off party 'cause a whack-off party ends with the sidewalk all wet and sticky.

          • Steverino247

            If memory serves, there were no criminal consequences for Mr. Hartley who was definitely a Democrat. (I've met him and walked precincts for him.) However, he was pretty much done politically after having taken a leak in public like that.

      • Loaded_Pants

        Hardly a D. The IC org has ties to the extreme right wing.

        • Callyson

          Yeah, but here, SorosBot is referring to *another* San Diegan who got into trouble for masturbating in public. (Hard to keep up with all the sex scandals this year…)

          • Loaded_Pants

            To quote Perry: Oops.

          • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

            It actually took me a second to get that. I wondered if it was a reference to the recently divorced Katy Perry or to my favorite superhero, Perry the Platypus who, to the best of my knowledge, has never once said "Oops."
            Haven't thought about Rick Perry for days. Curse you, Loaded_Pants!!

  • Callyson

    And the piece de resistance:
    Russell is also described as a Christian and father to two children who wants to have nine more children with his wife he calls his "best friend for over 23 years."
    Dude, wasting your sperm in Pacific Beach isn't going to help…

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Cheapest way to become a football team owner.

    • stew1

      Christian, eh? Well this does resemble the Biblical story of Onan who "spilled his seed" after jumping up and down on a Chevy. Hey, look it up!

    • James Michael Curley

      Unless he married this poor woman when she was 12, she had better hope for a Trifecta of triplets over the next few years.

  • SecretMuslin

    Stay classy, San Diego.

    Is it possible that I am the first to say this?

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Oddly enough, that would be the case.

      We are elitists / nerds. We do not deign to make references to the Will Farrell humorous oevre. Instead, it's just Monty Python as far as the eye can see.

      (she turned me into a Newt.)

      • Chichikovovich

        Stæ Klæssi, Sån Diegø!

        (Vil yøu nøt visit Denmårk Nørvæ Sweden this yeår?…)

        • Doktor StrangeZoom

          (Also the måni cåpers to be found on Cåtålinå Islånd)

  • Beetagger

    65 and still jerkin' it? Kudos, good sir. Is there a kickstarter campaign I can donate to in your honor?

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Maybe I've been asleep or something, but how did a viral video about an African warlord turn into a bad David Lynch movie?

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      No idea, but there's a dwarf here with good news about that brand of gun Kony likes.

    • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Ayn Rand Paul Tard

      The OWS are not what they see(men)?

      • Doktor StrangeZoom

        It's a policeman's dream!

        • SorosBot

          This suit burns better… Look.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      Whaddya mean "turns into" a Lynch movie – it seems like one from the very start, and I assumed it was a guerrilla-marketing movie promo. The public wankathon is just a plot twist…

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    A man jacking off is pretty much the same thing as a woman getting like a million abortions at once. What a monster.

    • SorosBot

      OH MY GOD, I'VE COMMITTED THE HOLOCAUST DAILY!!1!

      • Naked_Bunny

        The surviving sperm have been given space in the sewer, pushing aside the pee and poo that were there first.

      • Naked_Bunny

        *waits for someone to call him racist*

    • LetUsBray

      That shouldn't make me happy. But it does.

    • Naked_Bunny

      And if he gets hurt doing it, it's covered by insurance!

    • Rotundo_

      It's Billions with a B. Every time you squeeze one out you are outdoing Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot combined in one (or more) swift spurts. All males are genocidal bastards.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    GROSS 2012

  • flamingpdog

    I find this story difficult to masturbate to. Twice.

    Sorry, Baconz.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I'm pretty sure the guy in that picture can't even reach his dick.

    • flamingpdog

      Or find it if he could.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      Rush Limberger's ex-wives can provide pro-tips, once they've been fully de-traumatized…

  • Blueb4sunrise

    NADSCAR.

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    San Diego, eh? The place that's running the ads in NorCo about how it's always that 5pm Friday Feeling there.

    Including La Jolla – it felt like a self-involved West Coast Hilton Head.

    Yeah, whatever. That's like pitching LA as a super-mellow town with shots of Newport Beach. Fuck off.

  • edgydrifter

    To be fair, San Diego is just the perfect temperature for outdoor tackle polishing almost every day of the year. It's almost irresistible.

    • GOPCrusher

      This message is brought to you by the San Diego Bureau of Tourism.

  • WiscDad

    The climate there is great for running around in your underwear and jacking off in the street…all year round. But be careful…you might get caught in a shower…of cum or piss

  • FakaktaSouth

    Huh. Well, I've heard the real estate market IS hella expensive in that part of town, not just EVERYbody can afford their own fancy walls to jerk off behind I guess.

    • AlterNewt

      You have to work your way up, as it were.

  • PuckStopsHere

    The man must have come across something that he found was not extremely difficult to masturbate to.

    • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

      thank you

    • Veritas78

      Okay, so NOT reading Wonkette, then.

  • rocktonsam

    Citizens Arrest?

    If we can still do that, I'm going to Dubya'a house and bring em in.

  • GuanoFaucet

    "Me so Kony!"

  • flamingpdog

    The past two weeks have taken a severe emotional toll on all of us, Jason especially, and that toll manifested itself in an unfortunate incident yesterday. Jason’s passion and his work have done so much to help so many, and we are devastated to see him dealing with this personal health issue.

    He was driven to this in part because of how passionately he felt about this country. Or maybe Uganda.

    • Lynne

      Yeah, a page from Newt's book.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Okay….this guy is my new hero….I can only imagine being whacked out on Ecstasy on a sunny warm afternoon, filling the parking meters with cum….it's a dream that will never happen….so kudos, idiot….

  • OneYieldRegular

    Did he happen to use the "It's a free country!" line when he was arrested?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Baconz? You don't live in San Diego do you?

  • north_of_moscow

    Well, it is spring break…

  • Numbat_Dundee

    Poor man. He meant well. He was just sort of trying to get the US to invade Africa as well as the Middle East because there's a bad man there. Now no one will listen to him because he beat up on the wife's best friend in full view of a portion of Southern California. It's all very tragic really.

  • Loaded_Pants

    Excellent post from the awesome Patricia Nell Warren: http://www.bilerico.com/2012/03/exposing_kony_201

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      I was about to blast you for foisting something serious off on us this late on a Friday, but I'm all schaden with freude to learn these guys have JeebusSquad links.

      Now, back to the unspecified overdose I was working on…

      • Loaded_Pants

        First this & then the Santorum pic link in the Romney/PR thread. I apologize for both.
        Not really.

    • snoopyfan2010

      There is oil is Africa? No way!

  • Lucidamente1

    What will Darrell Issa say?

    • flamingpdog

      I think Darrell is more of an expert on jacking cars, not jacking off on cars.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Oh! I know this one! I know this! It's…

      Something incredibly stupid!

  • SaintRond

    Apparently none of you people have heard the old saying, "It's a treat to beat your meat, when you're standing in the street."

    I think it was Ben Franklin who said it best, but anyway… I think this should get that Kony guy a pass, eh?

  • Generation[redacted]

    This is good news for Kony and his Christian warriors.

  • Goonemeritus

    I know this Joseph Kony guy is bad but what Uganda do about it?

  • Guppy

    Let he who has not abused himself in public cast the first stone!

  • OneDollarJuana

    The there that’s there? It’s there.

    Don't step in it.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Get the feeling that men's jingles are so accessible that they can't resist pulling them out in public?

  • PhilippePetain

    I had no inkling that the Invisible Children folks would ever subject people to jacking off in a public forum.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Whuh? Oh. MY. [*goes back to watching bracket-y March Madness hawt man-on-man action*]

  • bitchincamaro2

    Spermicidal maniac?

  • stew1

    HuffPo's basement warriors are already pushing conspiracy theories. Is there a drug you can slip someone that makes them yank their crank? I mean, besides Meth?

    • Grief_Lessons

      I find water works. And oxygen.

  • Extemporanus

    The San Diego Dischargers could really use a new wide receiver.

    *rimjob*

    • flamingpdog

      And a tight end.

      • Extemporanus

        I believe that you're thinking of the Padres.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    He mistook Ingraham St for an Onan Way Street.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Anyone remember that time Limbaugh defended Kony?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNihj3ihyf8

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    ♪♫ It wuz an itsy bitsy teeny weenie ♫♪

    the end

  • jakegittes

    This kid went to school with my kid. Think Ted Haggarty. 'Nuff said.

    • jakegittes

      Correction. Ted Haggard.

    • unclejeems

      Self-hating, self-medicating closeted gay man acts out in a sexual way and gets outted. Got it.

      • jakegittes

        I mean the kid could belt out the show tunes and dance like Baryshnikov. Not that there's anything wrong with it. But, I'm tellin' ya, to have to repress it because you're a Kirstian? Tragic.

        • Negropolis

          Like I said down thread, I saw this guy's media blitz, and let's just say I was kind of surprised to read this story and find out he is married with children.

    • hilacious

      Spot on with Haggard. Jason was in my graduating class. (I might know your kid) And I will say my first thought when I heard he was still married was "he's not out yet?!!".

      • jakegittes

        Derek P.

        • hilacious

          HA! We're FB friends. Small world this Wonkette.

          • jakegittes

            Yep.

  • JackDempsey1

    This guy is a patron saint of the new media—–
    he's responsible for coining 2 terms in a single week:
    "slacktivism" and now "jacktivism."

    • Gleem McShineys

      Tweeting and beating

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

      Dead solid perfect.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    Is this another Brietbart exclusive?

  • CountryClubJihadi

    TMZ has the naked video footage.

    • chascates

      From the TMZ article:
      A rep for Invisible Children says Russell was suffering from exhaustion, dehydration, and malnutrition as a result of a strenuous PR campaign.

      PR is definitely a bitch.

  • C_R_Eature

    Did he have his iPad with him? Perhaps he just found a post he could masterbate to.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Hey DustBowlBlues, you were saying you were feeling sick and needed to vomit? Here's the Wonkette post right here for you that should do the trick.

  • fuflans

    does anybody know why this youtube video is creating all this furor on npr? i mean it's been the subject of discussion on like five different shows.

    i am too lazy to follow.

    sadly.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    . Jason’s passion and his work have done so much to help so many, and we are devastated to see him dealing with this personal health issue."

    Newt said that he loved Amerikkka so much he had to cheat on his wife. This guy loves the idea of white people saving Africa that he had to whip it out and pull it.

  • FieryLocks

    Boy is he lucky there's no 'Every Sperm Is Sacred' law…must be nice to be a man and not worry about the millions of potential kids he just wasted. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0kJHQpvgB8

  • He1senberg

    Haha my god could this get any better. Spermicidal maniac is right…think many could go on and on. Anybody seen this as well? Got a funny ass picture
    http://politicalprofanity.com/who-didnt-see-this-

  • snoopyfan2010

    "Jason Russell, the cofounder of white guilt organization Invisible Children who became famous when he… [finally skims an article about this thing after weeks]… when he made a YouTube with a sad white kid to raise white social media slacktivist awareness about the crimes of Uganda’s Lord’s Resistance Army leader Joseph Kony,"

    Jim is my hero.

  • chascates

    Invisible Children has some troubling associations, according to 2 articles on today's RightWingWatch:

    Invisible Children and the Religious Right: What’s the Deal?
    Russell, the founder of Invisible Children, has been lavished with praise on Pat Robertson’s Christian Broadcasting Network and on stage at Jerry Falwell’s university. Additionally, as Bruce Wilson has explored, Invisible Children has received substantial funding from extremely conservative Christian groups and foundations.

    Invisible Children and 'Kill the Gays' Pastor Martin Ssempa
    A video posted five years ago by a student group at Grove City College – a small evangelical school in Pennsylvania – raises questions about whether Invisible Children, the organization behind the viral juggernaut Kony 2012, has worked with notorious Ugandan pastor Martin Ssempa.
    Ssempa, a longtime anti-gay activist, is the chairman of the National Taskforce against Homosexuality in Uganda and a major proponent of legislation that calls for the execution of gays and lesbians who are found “guilty” of having homosexual sex. He regularly shows graphic gay porn during his presentations and seems obsessed with outrageous fetishes, typically of the scatological variety, that he claims are common practice among gay men. In addition to bashing gays, Ssempa is a major proponent of restricting access to condoms and fighting the AIDS epidemic with abstinence education – which has had disastrous consequences.

    • MadBrahms

      Interestingly, they missed his speech at Liberty University – yes, the Falwell one – which contains some really horrifying shit. This article is great coverage of this and other wonderful white Christian foibles and is actually amusing in a dark sort of way. (Correction: Oops! They did cover the speech! I fail, but the above article has snippets in text form so you don't have to watch the awful youtube of it.)

      A friend of mine does anthropological fieldwork on conflict in Northern Uganda and has been frustrated with these White Man Burdens for years. First there's this photo of rich white kids posing with RPGs and assault rifles, which needs no comment, and then there's "We can have fun while we end genocide. It’s an adventure".

      I know Wonketteers are pretty politically active so my points may not be new to many of you, but my loathing for this savior crap knows no bounds and I could post links on this asshat all day (I won't, don't worry).

      • Loaded_Pants

        Russell's bio from the IC site:
        Jason "Radical" Russell is a co-founder of Invisible Children, as well as our grand storyteller and dreamer. His sparks of creative intelligence and insanity have propelled IC to redefine the concept of humanitarian work, offering new life to old hope. A filmmaker by trade, Jason graduated from the University of Southern California's film school with a degree in Cinema Production. He admires Oprah, Bono, Steven Spielberg, Walt Disney, Steve Jobs, Baz Luhrmann, and Dan Eldon and believes wholeheartedly in magic and the impossible. Already a proud papa to Gavin Danger and Everley Darling, Jason wants to have nine more children with his beautiful wife Danica—the girl who has been his best friend for over 23 years.

        • MadBrahms

          "I am going to help end the longest running war in Africa, get Joseph Kony arrested & redefine international justice. Then I am going to direct a Hollywood musical. Then I am going to study theology & literature in Oxford, England, and then move to New York to start 'The Academy' – which will be a school where the best creative young minds in the world attend."

          Even if he were only serious about the first sentence, he would still be an arrogant, ignorant manchild.

          • Loaded_Pants

            Maybe he & James O'Keefe can collaborate on that "Hollywood musical".

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          He is also a graduate of the Palin School of Baby Naming.

  • voodooeconomics

    Do that in a corner in Kinshasa Mr Stress Man not some clean street in San Diego

  • AddHomonym

    I could go for some churros.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    If only he had pulled that stunt in Orange County instead of San Diego County he would know what oppression really is.

  • http://www.wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

    San Diago… German for "a whales vagina"

  • Negropolis

    After seeing this dude's media blitz, I can't say I'm at all surprised. I was certain he was just naturally scatter-brained or he was high off his ass.

    Russell is also described as a Christian and father to two children who wants to have nine more children with his wife he calls his "best friend for over 23 years."

    Poor thing. He really is fucking crazy.

  • elgin_pelican

    And so Santorum loses his title of "Best Dick in Public." My bracket is toast, I tell ya.

  • MissNancyPriss

    Looks to me like the guy is having some sort of psychological break, which isn't surprising, and kind of sad.

  • Crowe2011

    When I heard he was arrested for public masturbation I just assumed y'all were talking about KONY 2012.

    "What does daddy do, son?"
    "He fights bad people… and beats off until he's senseless".

  • ttommyunger

    Meanwhile, mustachioed blowhard Geraldo blathers on about this story blithely mispronouncing the name: "Crony".