Let it never be said that Michael Bloomberg, the charitable billionaire currently serving in the 11th year of a midlife vanity project called “being mayor of New York City,” ignores his constituents in their time of need. Just yesterday, a lil’ start-up investment house in Manhattan called Goldman Sachs was all down on its luck after an executive quit and denounced the place in a New York Times op-ed as a depraved travesty, a global stage-IV cancer, a clearinghouse for Satan’s most evil plans, and a deceitful counterparty to its earnest, Muppet clientele. Well excuse me, Mayor Mike said, but I’m just not going to let David pick on Goliath like this, not while I’m in charge! And so he rushed down to Goldman HQ post haste, held a “pep rally” for the workers, and even bought CEO Lloyd Blankfein a pityburger. He didn’t have to do this, people. But he did it anyway, and history will remember him fondly.
Do you volunteer at a soup kitchen, reader? Do you ring the Salvation Army bell around Christmastime? Because those are pathetic charity efforts. If you really want to make a difference in the lives of the downtrodden, this is the sort of effort you’ll need to put in (from the New York Post):
Bloomberg spent about an hour in the Goldman tower across from the World Trade Center site, going from desk to desk to chat with traders and division heads.
Afterwards, the mayor and Goldman CEO Lloyd Blankfein headed downstairs to the local Shake Shack to grab a couple of burgers, surrounded by students from nearby Stuyvesant HS.
Loeser said the idea for the personal show of support was entirely the mayor’s own.
“He likes to defend people who are under [unfair] fire,” said [mayoral spokesperson Stu] Loeser. “He wanted to tell them, `You’re valued. You and your company are an important part of this city.”
Goldman Sachs has positioned itself in such a way that the federal government will never ask it to do anything, New York City will never ask it to do anything, other firms will die if they touch it, and if it ever nears bankruptcy, some bureaucrat will always be there to refill its coffers with a high-pressure money cannon. Goldman doesn’t need cheering up. It thinks it’s funny that the mayor rushes down to its offices in a panic over a bad newspaper article to spread love and hamburgers. And it is very, very funny, indeed.
[NY Post]
{ 104 comments }
This is bad news for Jewish Olympics ping pong champions.
It's unconscionable that someone would hurt the precious feelings of our financial overlords when all they did was steal millions of dollars and destroy untold lives.
Show us on the dollar where they touched you, Mr. Sachs.
Did that bad man say mean things to you, Goldman Sachs? There there, here, sit down, I will fan you, that bad mean man, I won't let him come back and say any more mean things, poor Goldman Sachs.
Goldman Sachs or Goldwussy Sachs?
Sack up, Sachs.
At Goldman, banker sources groused that Smith’s letter forced them to spend valuable time on Wednesday and yesterday defending themselves.
Yeah? Well, Main Street sources groused that Wall Street's recklessness forced them to spend valuable time after the 2008 implosion figuring out how the fuck they were going to survive retirement.
Assholes.
A GoldenSacks lunch hour, vs. the rest of your life? It's no contest, really.
I'll take a Muppet Burger with extra exploitation, hold the taxes…
Make mine pork. I have always hated Miss Piggy.
Can't a company get weepy and have a good cry sometimes? I mean, after all, corporations are people, too, my friends.
He dried their tears with $500.00 bills.
To lift their spirits just a little further, he joined them on the balcony with a bottle of champagne to laugh and ridicule the OWS trolls below.
Can a corporation be on the rag? Because this one is.
Love the new handle.
You like that? I was thinking about how hopelessly addicted I am to their nuggets, and thought, "There's not a support group for us atheists on their tender, delicious, juicy heroin."
The rest just fell into place. I'd say it was inspired by God, but… well, you know.
What the hell do you want the guy to do? Wall Street is the ONLY place he could show up for charity work and leave in one piece. The poors can be very angry when exploited.
First they came for the securitized debt obligation traders…
And I was happy because all of them should be locked up.
Yes, Goldman Sachs truly are the unfairly downtrodden of the world.
Fucking…. I hope these people d……AAAAAGH I ALMOST SAID IT.
They will, but they'll do it rich.
Did it involve machine-gunning? Hope not.
However, lamp-posts have not been banned, and I've heard the new LED ones are more flattering on dangling bankers. A little blue, but what else is new?
Ah, the trials and tribulations of the .01%.
May that pity burger occupy his colon til the end of March madness.
It is not enough that Goldman Sachs employees are gazillionaires…. now we have to worry if they feel good about themselves for fucking the rest of us over?
Excuse me, but I need to walk over to the Bloomberg terminal and give it a good smack. BRB!
Careful now, you don't want to hurt yourself.
Bloomberg crawled from desk to desk, naked but for for the enormous mound of coke cradled in the smooth hollow of his lower back you say? Yeah, that's how I heard it went down, too.
Jim Henson was gay, so clearly the muppets were all gay, so even more clearly it's the gay agenda to attack Goldman Sachs, which is basically attacking America. The fact I put this in print means it's true.
You have a future at Faux Nooz.
I bet Bloomie and Lloydie cut the line at the Shake Shack.
Sha, like $20 won't get me to the front, too….
Probably had a minion stand in for them.
Not probably. For sure. And they had another one to unzip their pants when they went to the bathroom after they got back to the office. (Seriously, you didn't expect them to use a public rest room, did you?)
Jukes:
Your Comment reminded me of Mel Brooks as King Louiis XIV in The History of the World when the Pissboy kept following him around.
These two buffoons eating at the Shake Shack was the phoniest dining event in NYC since Duh Gov'Nuh and Donald Chump had their pizza lunch. And Chump used a knife and fork.
I'll never forget that.One of Stewart's best rants of all time.It's a wonder Trump has the nerve to show his face in NYC.
Well is was from a "disgruntled" employee. You know how they are. They either shoot the place up… or tell the fucking TRUTH!
Sometimes both.
Some of Bloomberg's best friends could buy and sell Romney for pocket change.
Not "could"………."have"………..
Speaking of that, I wonder if Blago's cellmate has earned any smokes in trade for that fresh meat yet?
As a Stuy alumnus, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LITTLE RUGRATS THINKING, SUPPORTING THAT FUCKING IDJIT BLOOMBERG?????
There's an alumni meeting next weekend, be there you little bastards! I'm bringing the barbed wire beating belt.
My cousin went to Stuyvesant, he couldn't get into Bronx Science.
Usually it's the other way around: Stuyvesant generally rates higher than Science, tho not by much. My daughter missed Stuy by two points, went to Science instead. I'm not sure how often that fluctuates, tho.
Either way, they're both good schools.
Oh no doubt! My entire family, included ex's and inlaws, went to one or the other.
We have one outlier who went to Brooklyn Tech. That's who gets most of the "short bus" jokes in my clan.
Your daughter might know my daughter. How weird is that?
Best BXSCI story I have is the friends of ours who couldn't find the school … they drove right by, but thought it was a Catholic school because of the big mosaic with images of all the saints.
HAHAHAHA!
Just glad they weren't searching for the school with the swimming pool….
Among the many: St. Isaac and St. Galileo.
Millionaire-burgers for everyone!
With
freedomfiefdom fries!!1!Are they made from real millionaires?
That or tofu.
Mmmmmmm Loveburgers GLLAAAHGGHAHG
Big old tough men and gals at Goldman sure have little itty bitty feelings that can be wery badly hurt, poor babies.
The secret sauce on Millionaire burgers is just "I own a thousand Islands" dressing.
That's the BILLIONaire burger. The Millionaire burger has "I have friends who own a thousand islands" dressing.
“He likes to defend people who are under [unfair] fire,”
Yea, it's really unfair that you chose to be a bunch of heartless greedy bastards who would force your grandmothers into banktruptcy to make an extra penny per share, you wormy little turds!
I'm a bit confused: don't the brackets normally suggest that this word is a contextual element of the sentence that is necessarily included for clarity of meaning? As in, you change "they're all a bunch of amoral assholes defrauding their customers to line their own pockets" to "[Goldman Sachs is] all a bunch of amoral assholes defrauding their customers to line their own pockets," to clarify whom it is I'm talking about.
So did I miss something, and now the brackets are what you use when you're arbitrarily editorializing someone else's quote? Or is peculiar standard of journalism particular to the New York Post?
Loser's (sic) actual quote from the article, which Ginger truncated:
He probably repeated "over-the-top and unfair," at least that's the conclusion I draw. I make that observation based on the fact that Loser is a fucking idiot who can only read talking points.
Either that or he said "fuck" in there somewhere, another reason to elide over his actual words.
Heh,heh…Loeser.
Thinking many, many, many, bad things.
Is this what the "new rules" have made Wonkette?! Why, back in the olden days, we'd put our bad bad thoughts right here in the comments box, in great detail!
Dia-beetus! And Buttsecks. Also.
I'd interpret that to be a death threat. Or worse.
People, people , people. Calm down! It's New York's financial district, not a REAL place.
Even Joseph Goebbels occasionally caught a case of the “Mondays”.
Burgers?? I would think Goldman Sachs execs would feast on fresh fetuses or at least kittens…
Please. It's March 16. The fetii are being saved for tomorrow's parade.
I hear on cape cod they are giving out free pizzas with vasectomies. I am sure they are offering a similar deal SOMEWHERE in NYC. For the sachs, of course.
Take care of the rich bastards and the little poor motherfuckers will take care of themselves, I always say. Of course, that's because they have to.
Whereas if you took away the rich bastards' trust funds and rent-controlled apartments on the Upper West Side and weekend houses in the Hamptons and seven-series BMWs and trophy wives and snotty kids and jobs paying obscene amounts of money for doing nothing of actual value, they'd….they'd what?
Run Three-card Monte tables in TImes Square?
Is he a Mayor or a Muppet?
Cause if he's a Mayor,
he's a Muppet of a Mayor…
(Muppet of a Mayor)
Is he a Mayor or a Muppet?
Cause if he's a Muppet,
He's a very douchey Muppet.
(A douchey, douchey Muppet)
I took my granddaughter to see the film. I'd forgotten that Bret McKenzie had written the music until I heard the line, "If I am, I'm a very manly muppet." It was so Flight of the Conchords that I laughed out loud.
This? This is a problem the fucking mayor needs to personally involve himself in? Fuck him sideways.
It was a slow news day. No minorities were shot by cops that he felt compelled to defend.
Bloomberg spent about an hour in the Goldman tower across from the World Trade Center site, going from desk to desk to chat with traders and division heads.
"Pssst. You holding?"
"Goldman Sachs
has positioned itself in such a way thatis the federal government…"//fixed
The same people who gave themselves gazillions in bonuses for getting rich blowing up the global economy then conning Paulson into giving them millions of no-strings-attached money because, you know, it's Wall Street. Surely they would do the right thing with the giveaway bucks, then complained loudly that they were hurt by being vilified until the Khocks stepped up and astroturfed the teabaggers and turned their anger from being aimed at the bankers to the government. And now won't give Hopey money because he hurt their delicate feelings.
OT–I've been nauseous for about a week. Taken everything and it won't go away. Has anyone ever experienced this? Do you think it might be related to the Republithug campaign? Or being too old to get another abortion while the gettings still good? Can't even make myself throw up by gagging myself and drinking baking soda mixed in water. Since the finest minds I know are the wonkeratti, could all of you reading this on the computer in your mother's basement maybe ask her if she knows? Thanks.
Nauseous as in throwing up or just light headed and dizzy?
You probably contracting this in anticipation of Inhofe's appearance on Rachel last night. She had him dead to rights twice, but he filibustered and bloviated and mock-outraged his way out of it.
My mother died in '04, laid low by smoking at the age of 86. Gin seemed to help her through many difficulties, and I've tried to emulate her.
Could be an inner ear infection/inflammation.
That's a good suggestion. I get long-term nausea when I have sinus headaches caused by allergies. It's similar to an ear infection (losing equilibrium due to screwed up inner ear pressure). Spring is a common time for me to get it, due to pollen in the air.
Go on Baldy, twat him with your wing…
Play "Got your nose" with your beak!
This story is such a sad one that even Iron Eyes Cody teared up again….
Don't suppose we'd be lucky enough for there to have been lots of Pink Slime in those burgers?
That is so heartwarming, it would make a good Saturday afternoon special.
Those were salted rat-dick burgers, right? Because if the pair of them walked into my restaurant, that's what'd be on the menu.
Next pundit who brings up a possible independent presidential run as the "centrist" candidate can eat a big bag of rat feces.
Mikey. Good of you to come down to visit. Why are you here?
"Bloomberg spent about an hour in the Goldman tower across from the World Trade Center site, going from desk to desk to chat with traders and division heads."
Well, that's certainly very open. Most of the prostitutes I know of at least take you to a back alley first.
See, Jim – this, this is taunting….you tell us to tone it down, then wave this red meat flag…you bastard you…..
Re the photo, I assume they couldn't find a vulture.
At least vultures compete honestly for the red meat. Fish eagles, on the other hand, get most of their nutrition from robbery. Now, who does that remind me of…?
The vampire squid was rented out too, I suppose.
Is it against Wonkette policy for me to express my heartfelt wish that that bird would tear into that motherfucker's face?
It certainly touches every New Yorker whn GS has a sad, and in the longstanding tradition of New York mayors grabbing the spot light with complete indifference to themselves and with the noblest of intentions and nothing but the well-being of the nation in mind….
ok I'm a gonna puke now
Wall Street billionaire jumps to the defense of a Wall Street investment house. Now that's a news item that deserves to be on the front page, above the fold!
Most people here are probably familiar with Michael Lewis' excellent book "Liars Poker." There's an even better expose of Wall Street – "F.I.A.S.C.O." Highly recommended!
We do need a Wonkette Book Page!
Also, a place here to post about books.
Is it true that Bloomberg passed out thousand dollar bills to some of the Goldman traders who were a bit down on their luck? Such a mensch!
Next year, on Wall Street!
It's a good thing Bloomberg is limited to two terms. Oh, wait…
Maybe for the next "pep rally" Bloomberg can get Junkyard Prophet to play!
Tangentially related to "pep": When I was in high school, there was an elite all-boys prep school that used to cheer "That's allright! That's ok! We're gonna be your boss someday!" at matches. These are the kind of people who grow up to work at Goldman Sachs and rain McDonald's applications down on the peasants below. And they need our support.
So it's a picture of a vulture and an eagle?
"You know his name,
It's Mr. Burns;
Why, he's worth ten times what he earns!"
Wait, Newell. So, what you are saying is that Goldman Sachs is the Ark of the Covenant?
Won't someone think of the millionaires?! Won't anyone think of the millionaires?!
Moral midgets comforted by actual midget. Fixed!
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