whore diamonds are forever

Rush Limbaugh Promises All Ladies Whore Diamonds

Come slitherBig ol’ teddy bear Rush Limbaugh simply cannot understand for the life of him why some stupid idiots think the GOP is having a war on women. Your editrix cannot understand this either. (Nor does she have a passport and some Katrina Kash at the ready before they seal the borders of the Republic of Gilead.) Anyhoo, Rush has Logic for why Republicans are way more awesome than stupid effete lieberals when it comes to treatin’ little ladies just right. Are you ready, everyone? Really, are you ready for this? Okay. *CLEARS THROAT* Republicans take women to dinner and buy them diamonds, that why. MediaMatters-brand audio, after the jump!

Honestly, who can even be mad at this dumb fuck any more? It is like being mad at an incredibly stupid, fat, drug-addicted, offensive head of lettuce. Why even bother? Fine, Rush, give us some whore diamonds, for our whoring, whore whore whore. Yeah, we get it kiddo, we’re whores. No, no, you got us, we’re super offended, we promise! No really, really, we are! Run along now sweetie, there’s some cookies on the counter. Remember, Jesus loves you, and good job.

[MediaMatters]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  • nounverb911

    Has his "wife" walked out on him yet?

    • Arken

      I'm guessing he reminded her of the pre-nup.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        She prolly has to stick it out a couple more months to be fully vested in the retirement plan. It's tough, but she had her lawyer check it out before she signed, and all.

    • Gleem McShineys

      If he's talking about how he buys dinner and diamonds, its pretty obvious he's laying the groundwork for capturing his next wife/beard/victim.

    • ph7

      She knows she can milk him for one last diamond raid before she walks.

    • Barrelhse

      Nah, she's a whore.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      She was bound to get tired of playing Princess Leia to his Jabba the Hutt…

  • tihond

    YOU'RE GETTING A WHORE DIAMOND AND YOU'RE GETTING A WHORE DIAMOND!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      As a male slut, I DEMAND my whore diamond.

    • Jennyjen798

      YAY!

  • Barb

    If you are with Rush, you can write your own check while he writes his own prescriptions.

  • nounverb911

    Rush's been talking to Callista again hasn't he?

    • Arken

      He plugs his cochlear implant into her ethernet port and they share data Borg style.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    stupid, fat, drug-addicted, offensive head of lettuce

    Female humans: lettuce prey.

  • gullywompr

    I give and I give, and this is the thanks I get? What's wrong with these bitches?

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Last we heard, Rush doesn't have a half-a-million dollar credit line at Tiffany's.

  • Callyson

    "they open car doors for women"
    Yeah, and they also open up women's vaginas for the transvaginal ultrasound. I'll get my own door if that's the price, thanks…

  • nounverb911

    This is good news for Tiffanys.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And for some of Mittens' friends, who own jewelry companies.

  • Baconzgood

    I guess he blew his chance to get Summer's Eve to sponser him.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      It's because he's an insult to douches. Enema might be more apt.

      • V572 Flambé

        His agent has Fleet's on the other line.

        • HogeyeGrex

          "The other line"?

          Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Diamonds are a Fat Crybaby's best friend.

    • Extemporanus

      Diamonds are Whorever

  • Callyson

    "The Democrats actually think they are going to win with this"
    Where on earth are they getting that idea?
    Americans overwhelmingly regard the debate over President Barack Obama’s policy on employer-provided contraceptive coverage as a matter of women’s health, not religious freedom, rejecting Republicans’ rationale for opposing the rule. More than three-quarters say the topic shouldn’t even be a part of the U.S. political debate. http://www.businessweek.com/news/2012-03-14/repub

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Well, sure, but that is just the Liberal Media lying again. They probably didn't even adjust their poll for whether they were asking sluts.

    • GOPCrusher

      To be fair, they can't understand why the N*ggers are always voting for Democrats either, since it's obvious the system has been rigged to keep them poor and uneducated.

  • YasserArraFeck

    He looks hawt in the top pic….cigar, Rolex, bedroom eyes……Mmmm mmmm mmmm

    • YasserArraFeck

      Way to kill the mood there, Crabby

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Only to another Giant Amazon Leech, if it were blind, and hadn't had it for a year or three…

  • E_Tx_Pines

    I'd click on that link, but I just know it would end with me puncturing my eardrums with an icepick.

  • PuckStopsHere

    You have to concede his point. Republicans do marry women. He's himself has done it 4 times(and, if the Enquirer is to be believed, he'll soon be looking for #5), Newt is at 3, Mitt gets as many as he wants, and so on, etc.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      It's the family values. Bitchez can't resist that family values shit.

  • freakishlywrong

    Yeah, librul assholes like George Cloony however, give you yummy, yummy cock. (librul men can get wood for women). Keep your diamonds you fat goiter, I'll buy my own.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      SLOW DOWN! Dammit…I'm trying to take notes here.

      "Yummy….yummeeeee…cock….."

      OK, go on, please?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    So Rush wants to give jewelry in exchange for the sexytime. You know what that makes him, right?

    • Gleem McShineys

      That makes him officially acknowledging the Enquirer story, actively looking for Wife #5?

    • chicken_thief

      Mmmm, I'm going out on a limb here and go with: "stupid, fat, drug-addicted, offensive head of lettuce "?

    • Steverino247

      Hitler!

    • deelzebub

      A John. John Limbaugh….it has a nice ring to it, a ring that he had to buy because women and little boys would never fuck him for free….allegedly.

    • heathenette

      James O’Keef?

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    "Republcians open car doors for Women…"
    and then they kick them out of the moving car for looking at that black guy. Tuck and Roll, sluts and trolls! but really they love you because of diamonds.

  • memzilla

    "Republicans take women to dinner and buy them diamonds, that why."

    Must mean there's no war on Dominican rentboys, then, either.

  • MissTaken

    Yet another reason why they're called Blood Diamonds.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I seriously doubt Rush does that during that, you know, particular period of the cycle.

      • PsycWench

        Being under Rush for 15 minutes could cause bruising, which I think is subcutaneous bleeding.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chillatte

    Diner, diamonds and sexytime with fat assholes. What else could women want?

    I think Brietbart could use some company right now, Rush (there, I broke the rules).

    • Limeylizzie

      Not to have to lift up the fat-apron before intercourse?

      • Tundra Grifter

        2L:

        That lucky gal would need a bookmark to find little soldier – even if it were standing at attention.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Chillatte

        I heard Rush lost some weight. That fat-apron must be all the way down to his knees.

      • YasserArraFeck

        Don't you just love unwrapping surprises!!

  • Jerri

    Cabbage Head lives!

  • Callyson

    "Santorum wins–they can't figure it out"
    Yeah, what's driving that?
    Santorum's surge is also the product of a notable gender gap, with Santorum holding a 10-point edge among Republican men and Romney winning Republican women by nine points. http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2012/02/14/c

    • GOPCrusher

      I saw that meme somewhere else today. Something along the lines of "If Santorum is such a terrible candidate as Liberals think he is, why does he keep winning?"
      I guess they don't grasp the concept that the only thing he's winning is a REPUBLIKLAN primary.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      Santorum beat Romney in Mississippi — and Albama!? — Wow! Very impressive.

  • Come here a minute

    Dittos, editrix!

  • Callyson

    As much as I hate Rush, if this bit is indicative of the quality of his commentary, I say keep him on the air. More fodder for our side!

  • MissTaken

    Ice Ice Baby was shitty then, and it's shitty now.

    • tcaalaw

      Oh, come on, "smokin' MCs like a pound o' bacon" is a brilliant line!

  • memzilla

    Rush Limbaugh has officially pushed Editrix over the Costello Radius?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Oh I know that she's disgusted (Oh why's that?)
      She feels so abused (Oh that's too bad)

      As if we even need a reason to post a link to this.

  • prommie

    This man's success is the proof there is no God.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Add Prejean, Joe the Plumber, Malkin, Coultier, Breitbart, Beck and any Heath/Palin.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Nah … just goes to show He has a wicked sense of humor.

    • Guppy

      Not necessarily. Old Testament Jehovah was fond of letting asshats rise to stellar heights, so that their ultimate smiting might be a public lesson for others.

    • KillerBoob

      I have absolutely thought that exact. same. thing…many times!

  • Generation[redacted]

    i does not care

  • prommie

    Yeah, but liberals eat pussy. Like a starving man. . . .

    • crybabyboehner

      I do it so much my beard looks like a glazed donut. Rush, he just sticks with the glazed donuts.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    OMG!!! He's, like, so right! As a simple-minded woman (and single, at that) just throw some pretty rocks at me and I will worship you forever!!

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Trouble is that it seems like more liberal men aren't such huge fans of women who just want baubles, but, STRANGELY, prefer women with their own minds and opinions.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Y'know, I did that in grade school and got suspended!

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      I have a rock garden, does that count?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    So republicans are better because they have to pay women to have sex with them instead of getting it for free. Yup, that makes sense.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Pay?

      Ahem, we Republicans prefer the more civilized word; "bribe."

      • HogeyeGrex

        I thought "coerce" was the proper term of art.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The word they think to themselves is "deserve".

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I take it his new sponsor is DeBeers Consolidated Mines?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I wouldn't have sex with rush even if his dick spouted cures for cancer and million dollar bills. Which it doesn't.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Would unicorns sweeten the deal?

      • NorthStarSpanx

        It depends on the sharpness of the horn. . .

      • Lascauxcaveman

        What is it with the unicorn-love? Why is everyone so hot on unicorns?

        They're just horses with dangerous headgear.

        • chicken_thief

          But lots of the time they sparkle and come in a variety of pastel hues.

          • Rotundo_

            And when they fart it smells like cotton candy and they poop turtle candies, and they continuously drop taxes on everyones income, no matter what the source might be. (It's in the republican "Con the Rubes Manual" Volume MCMLXIV)

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    He's right, I mean liberals are more likely to take a woman to a Communist Party meeting for a "date" and you're lucky if they even have coffee there.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Ah, but the coffee belongs to everyone, comrade!

      • Generation[redacted]

        From each according to his ability, and I was not able to bring coffee today. Sorry everyone.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Dang … we needed it, too.

    • Rotundo_

      Coffee houses where there is no coffee, smoking allowed, but no tobacco, poetry readings but no rhymes and dark, dark, really dark sunglasses even though the lighting is awful. Go really easy on the brownies and the candy "stamps" and avoid the ones with the smiley faces on them, they might only be WalMart stickers.

  • coolhandnuke

    Now I know the correct carat to lure the womenz with.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Fat, drunk high on prescriptions drugs, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

    • http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cheaphits/reviews cheaphits

      Ya know what would be great? If his wife had his fat, goofy ass committed for "observation".

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    Excuse me, but was that a direct endorsement of Newt Gingrich?

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    This guy is classic. His counter to this whole "war on women" idea is to say But we buy them dinner! And open car doors for them! I think the Editrix is right, this is just too hysterically clueless to get mad. I'll go her one better and suggest that Rush is Andy Kaufman in a fat suit.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Or Andy Dick.

    • boobookitteh

      I never believed that Andy really left us. I choose to believe this is true.

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        Has anyone ever seen Rush and Andy in the same place at the same time? I rest my case!

        • Loaded_Pants

          The transition from Tony Clifton to Rush Limbaugh does seem probable.

    • YouBetcha

      Well played, Andy Kaufman. Well played.

  • Extemporanus

    Viagra is diamond-shaped, too, you gunt-humping impotent whore.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    You marry for money, you end up working for it, Mrs. Rush

  • Slim_Pickins

    That picture of him at the top of the post, worst Photoshop, ever.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Needs moar blingee

  • x111e7thst

    I have always relied on the porcine yet drug addled Rushbo for advice on sexin' the beyotches. So far so good.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Rush went on to say:

    "I mean, I have to buy a very expensive dinner, get a women drunk, and give her all kinds of gifts just to get her in Bed with me. But liberals? They won't even buy a condom. How is this fair?"

  • kingofmeh

    has anyone noticed that our entire national discourse has become the dan ackroyd-jane curtain "jane, you ignorant slut" sketch from saturday night live 25+ years ago? this is history repeating itself, but in this case, first as farce, then tragedy.

    • emmelemm

      Yes.

  • neiltheblaze

    And Callista will get a Whore Tiara. Yes, she's got one already, but a girl can always use two.

    • Rotundo_

      One for upstairs, one for downstairs?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Proving once again why he's AM radio's preeminent bag of brain-farts in bloated human form.

  • pinkocommi

    Or karma.

    • prommie

      Or justice.

  • V572 Flambé

    You ladies just don't worry your purty li'l heads about this man business.

    • prommie

      Don't ask me, I'm just a girl.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    It is like being mad at an incredibly stupid, fat, drug-addicted, offensive head of lettuce.

    Iceberg is the Jew of liberal salad making.

  • pinkocommi

    "Honestly, who can even be mad at this dumb fuck any more? It is like being mad at an incredibly stupid, fat, drug-addicted, offensive head of lettuce."

    You forgot to mention Rush's small penis. But it is so incredibly tiny, and hard to find under the layers of blubber hanging off Rush' whale belly, it is easy to do.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Down by the river!

    • GOPCrusher

      Care for some MD 20/20 my dear?
      January is a wonderful vintage.

  • Tundra Grifter

    So both Ole Newt and Boss BlunderRush are just misunderstood?

    Jon Stewart, as usual, nailed it. This conservatives-as-victims thing has gotten completely out of hand.

    • flamingpdog

      So that's why it is so hard to masturbate to!

  • pdiddycornchips

    Women are so sensitive. Take away a few trinkets like contraception and control of their vajajay's and they immediately start with the complaining and bitching.

  • GortRay

    How can it be that an extra large Hefty bag full of dog turds makes 40 megabucks a year?
    Koyaanisqatsi!

    • Rotundo_

      There are reasons:
      It's AM radio and there are only so many ballgames, and a pile of shit with flies buzzin over it would get an audience of idiots and losers.

      There are enough angry and freaked out fearful middle to old aged men to form the audience of idiots and losers mentioned previously.

      Rusty just says what the audience of idiots and losers would say if they had the balls to say it, and the guts to accept the consequences for it.

      White Male Americans of a certain age and political persuasion are shitting bricks that there is someone in the white house who doesn't have the same skin color or small town American upbringing they have. Scary homosexual people are trying to get married and move next door and have sex in their front yards and women are going to have abortions on the altars of the church they attend once a year. Yes, Virginia; There is indeed a market for an extra large Hefty bag full of dog turds on the radio.

      • GortRay

        I appreciate your reply and agree with you that there will always be an audience for hate- and fear-mongering. And vermin like Limbaugh certainly have the right to spew whatever they want to. But it still makes me want to heave.

  • SorosBot

    Well of course Republican men are better to women; I mean, I'm sure most self-respecting women prefer a man who gives her diamonds and other pretty things while demanding she act submissive, disrespecting her intellect and only caring for her body over one who treats her like an equal, cares to make sure she is sexually satisfied instead of just himself, and cares about conversation, her opinions and a meaningful connection instead of just physical attraction and sex.

    • CivicHoliday

      Yes indeed. If divorce were not guaranteed to destroy my moral character and force me to begin abusing my children, I'd leave my liberal equal-partner husband this minute and go find a man who would laugh affectionately at my masters degree and pat me on the bum while asking me what's for dinner.

    • fuflans

      soros, do not make me have to think. you know i am shallow.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Women = whores, ipso fatso!

  • HistoriCat

    Hey Rush, it's OK – I used to feel that way too. Of course, I was 18 back then and then I grew the fuck up. Maybe you should try that. Jus' sayin.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I saw Olympia Snowe opening a car door for a woman one time.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Well, Olympia is twice the man that Rush could ever hope to be. You know, not size-wise, but in terms of being a good person with manners and shit.

      • OneYieldRegular

        Yes, and she may have taken exception to Rush's brilliant strategy of trying to defend Republicans from charges of sexism by talking about them as though they were all male.

        • anniegetyerfun

          It's not that they're all male – just that the men are the only ones who count!

  • WiscDad

    I'll bet ol' Newt mounts Clitasa and just whispers 'whore' in her ear over and over and the whole time she's fantasizing getting fucked by Rush…I think I just threw up a little in my mouth with that image

  • CivicHoliday

    aaaaaaahhhh, I get it now…first we get rid of all contraceptive coverage, then the violence against women act, then we remind the ladies how grateful they should be about getting jewelry and dinner and other "I'm sorry I cracked your collar bone" gifts, and finally women will have no choice but to go back to reading Sears & Roebuck catalogs and ironing their husbands' socks while cooking a scrumptious pot roast for dinner. A return to the 1950s, here we come!

    • pdiddycornchips

      Shorter Rush:

      "Women are getting the wrong idea about Republicans because the liberal media keeps accurately quoting me"

  • PhilippePetain

    OK. FUCK. What the fuck, idiots? I open doors for women (and other guys) all the time, because I'm nice and polite in polite company. I take pride in treating people with respect and deference in public, because fuck dude, if we all did, the world would be a better place. You see, I'm not a fucking moron who believes that my ego is the end all and be all of society.

    I also love shooting guns, camping, fucking up shit, drinking beer, can build all kinds of shit, and a million other things. But I guarantee you, members of my family that know *all* of these things still probably buy into all of these idiotic tropes about left leaning people. You know why? Because they're fucking stupid. You have to be fucking stupid to believe these things, and the 20% of Americans that listen to this are without a doubt, beyond the point of no return in regards to their ignoran-imity.

    • pdiddycornchips

      20% is being generous. The fastest growing segment of our population is the blissfully, incurably stupid. If this were a decease, we'd call it a pandemic. We would then at least be able to justify a quarantine. I'm thinking Arizona would be perfect. Build the damn fence already!

      • PhilippePetain

        Well, yeah the polls all seems to point to there being closer to 30% supporting just about every insane bullshit position handed down by these fire breathing dipshits, but I thought I would knock my generalization down to 20% to try to be fair and to accept the possibility that there are a huge portion of the idiots that just don't even understand the question they're being asked, or the positions that they hold, and don't have any ongoing raging animus to being a decent human being.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Wimmin love Rush Limbaugh and all his doughy goodness.

    • flamingpdog

      Ooo, that just made me think of the headline I'd lerve to see for Limpballs' obit following his death from an Oxy overdose: "Pills Bury Doughboy".

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    I can't help but think most of the Dittioheads are saying to themselves, "Hell, I hope my wife isn't listening, I don't want to waste my beer money on that shit."

  • http://www.facebook.com/voteforchange2012 GreatChristiano

    Diamond-giving is for dudes who ain’t got no game…

  • owhatever

    Has this blob, who has created an empire of dumbfucks by talking on the radio, never just talked a woman into bed because they liked each other?

    • HogeyeGrex

      No.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    What he said is in the Bible: give women stones and they commit adultery. No, wait!

  • GreatChristiano

    Diamond-giving is for dudes that ain't got no game…

  • GOPCrusher

    I suppose Rush gets the women all hot and bothered when he shows how sensitive he is by discussing the plight of the Feminazis.

  • AbandonHope

    The Republican Hierarchy: Print out this handy chart for future reference!

    RepubliGod /ConservaJesus
    Rich White Man
    Rich White Man's Dog
    "Soon-To-Be-Rich" White Conservative Man
    "Soon-To-Be-Rich" White Conservative Man's Dog
    Rentboys
    Elemental Gold
    Deep Fryers
    Liberal
    Blah/Messican/Muslin/Gay/Lesbian
    Woman

  • HogeyeGrex

    Bitches don't know about my DIAMONDS!

  • Steverino247

    So, when's he going to develop throat or tongue cancer?

  • HogeyeGrex

    Yes, Rush. I'm certain that the millions of Conservative trailer-dwellers who listen to twunts like you just shower their laydeez with diamonds. I bet they open the door for them, too. The door to the kitchen, anyway. While they say "Now make me a sammich 'fore I smack you agin'."

  • anniegetyerfun

    Interestingly enough, I've heard fundamentalist Muslim men make the same argument about their societies.

    "Arab women love their lives! They get driven everywhere, and we give them all that they could want, and keep them protected."

    Ergo, Rush = Islamic Fundamentalist. Maths, they are fun.

  • voodooeconomics

    "What do you give women my fellow Republicans?" I give my bitch diamonds and if the cunt needs to get in somewhere i open the fucking door. I am a gentleman god damned.

  • Guppy

    "Republicans take women to dinner and buy them diamonds"

    While dirty commie libruls actually listen to what women want rather than assuming they know best.

  • rocktonsam

    so if i give my woman some whore diamonds, I can watch the NCAA'Z?

  • SaintRond

    Even with half a billion bucks in the bank, I still don't get how this guy manages to get laid.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Consider the source: Rush Limbaugh Marriage Rocks — Don't come a knockin' (but put stong jacks on either side of the van, 'cause that thing's gonna tip) http://www.nationalenquirer.com/celebrity/rush-li

    But would anyone have taken a bet on that not happening?

  • amoosefloats

    Does he give blood diamonds when it is that time of the month?

  • fuflans

    so i don't think i've ever heard rush for more than 10 seconds.

    he really is in lala land isn't he?

    the fact of the matter is – whether the 'war on women' is myth or not – repubs are doing terribly with women. the people on the right who do 'math' and 'count' and 'poll' are terrified of the the turn the campaign has taken in the last 12 weeks.

    and rick santorum is doing worst of all.

    does gross man believe what he's saying? i'm really curious, b/c i'm pretty o'reilly doesn't.

  • redarmyzombie

    This is good news for Tiffany's.

  • MissNancyPriss

    Guys, he's gay.

  • ttommyunger

    On the other hand, a Costa Rican pool-boy will take it up the ass for five bucks, and for freedom, also.

  • horsedreamer_1

    When you're nothin', but a boyfriend, dangling by a thread — keep in mind, the bottomline, diamonds are a girl's best friend.