BEEN CAUGHT STEALING  10:17 am March 16, 2012

Supermodel Snohomish County Executive Made Threesome Sexytimes During Work Hours, Maybe Stole Stuff

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hot SeatHere is some group-sex-having liberal eyecandy, for your Friday morning treat. (Your Wonkette loves you, each and every one.) Meet Aaron Reardon! He is the Snohomish County (think of it as “Seattle-adjacent”) chief executive currently on the hot seat for doing sex on all sorts of ladies at the same time, while he was supposed to be “working,” and also charging a vibrator and lube to a county credit card because who hasn’t? Also, you know, misuse of public funds who cares let’s get to the orgies!

[Social worker and Reardon whistleblower -- heh -- Tamara] Dutton claims Reardon asked her to set up a liaison with the three of them. The other woman said she had been going through some personal problems and agreed to join them.

On Oct. 8, the woman wrote on Facebook to Reardon that “we’re planning a meal fit for a king: grapes, assorted fruit, cheeses, breads … Champagne, and sushi.”

Reardon replied: “Champaign[sic]? Good grief. You’re making me laugh.” He added: “Trying to get me tipsy?”

His office calendar was clear that day until 5 p.m.

Dutton said she took a vacation day from her county job.

In text messages between the two women, Dutton later wrote that Reardon wanted to plan another “lunch.”

The other woman replied: “did u tell him 3somes are off until he behaves?”

So what do we think Reardon did to the lady that she did not consider good behavior? Unauthorized entry to the pooper? Whined really really hard about wearing a condom? Made them all watch Santorum campaign speech videos? Enquiring minds, and et cetera.

[Seattle Times]

 
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{ 123 comments }

memzilla March 16, 2012 at 10:23 am

"Snohomish" will now be my new code word for an orgy, in both the literal and figurative.

"Wife Claims Husband's Snohomish Led To Divorce"

"Alabama, Mississippi Voters in Snohomish of Enthusiasm For Santorum."

weej_bain March 16, 2012 at 10:37 am

Sweet. Great way to return to the NW from my week in hell Zion Salt Lake City.

V572 Flambé March 16, 2012 at 10:41 am

Do they still serve the Quaff of Life/Nectar of the Gods in little airline bottles there, and make you mix your own drink? Last time I went I managed to get in and out on the same day and avoided the problem entirely.

weej_bain March 16, 2012 at 10:46 am

Daze of yore. Since way back in 2010 they've allowed the bars (all 6 of them) to be open on Sunday. I didn't go to the mixed drinks. Stayed with the Polygamy Porter – "why stop with just one?"

V572 Flambé March 16, 2012 at 10:51 am

The arc of the universe is wide, but it bends towards justice. “In the 1970s, Kansas Attorney General Vern Miller renewed the enforcement of Kansas's prohibition, even raidingAmtraktrains traveling through Kansas to stop illegal liquor sales.He also forced airlines to stop serving liquor while traveling through Kansas airspace.”

Doktor StrangeZoom March 16, 2012 at 10:47 am

It's no Appalachian Trail, but 'tis enough, 'twill serve: ask for him to-morrow, and you shall find his rear done.

Mumbletypeg March 16, 2012 at 11:08 am

"Snohomish" will now be my new code word

All too fitting, reminding me it was almost a year ago we enjoyed some squirmish delight at Herr Palin's expense.

Weenus299 March 16, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Let's not Smerconish any of this with Santorum.

PhilippePetain March 16, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Oh, ooh, good idea. Can we add a noun afterwards as in the ubiquitous Cleveland Steamer? Something alliterative…riding the Snohomish Pony… throwing the Snohomish Bone….

a_pink_poodle March 16, 2012 at 7:23 pm

That's not fair to us Snohomish residents who don't get to take part in orgies! Where's MY threesome?!

Gratuitous World March 16, 2012 at 10:23 am

I'm guessing he tried to play Skrillex on the stereo.
for romance.

Not_So_Much March 16, 2012 at 10:43 am

Anybody that plays that ungodly shit for any reason should expect unauthorized pooper pillaging.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 16, 2012 at 10:23 am

If this scandal involved a Democrat, Wonkette would never have covered it. Have you hypocrites no shame?

OneDollarJuana March 16, 2012 at 10:26 am

Reardon is a Democrat.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 16, 2012 at 10:28 am

I know. I was being "meta." All the kids are doing it these days.

Beetagger March 16, 2012 at 10:30 am

If you wanted to be meta, you should have posted it in ASCII.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 16, 2012 at 10:34 am

Pyrneyl, V fubhyq unir EBG13'q gur jubyr pbzzrag gb Nstunavfgna, ab bar unf ybfg nal

actor212 March 16, 2012 at 10:27 am

Nope. Thanks for playing along!

memzilla March 16, 2012 at 10:28 am

Please. There were women in the orgy. QED: Democrat.

ManchuCandidate March 16, 2012 at 10:23 am

Two's an office fling, Three's a Summary Firing.

Come and knock on my door.
I've been waiting for two.
Where the vibrator and lube are taxpayer paid,
Threesomes taxpayer funded too.

donner_froh March 16, 2012 at 10:35 am

ManchuCandidate, you have outdone yourself. And set the bar impossibly high.

Preacher_Griz March 16, 2012 at 10:23 am

hawt!!!

HuddledMass March 16, 2012 at 10:24 am

So sexytime with laydeez and sucking off gov't $ — guy's a Democrat, right?

OneDollarJuana March 16, 2012 at 10:28 am

Wrong kind of Dem, though. He was all for a huge development in rural Snohomish County. I'm guessing he had lots of potential profits in the deal. Too bad it has gone sour, as in the county council giving him the elbow from the sky (at least temporarily). Guess he tried to assuage his hurt feeling with a bit of bubbly sexytime.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 16, 2012 at 10:35 am

Oh, don't be silly. There are no Democrats who believe in private enterprise!

V572 Flambé March 16, 2012 at 10:43 am

Sprawl knows no party affiliation, especially at the local level. Who doesn't love more traffic, smog and pavement? Nobody with any power or influence, certainly.

chicken_thief March 16, 2012 at 10:52 am

A dem jerb creator? What's the temp in hell now?!!!

prommie March 16, 2012 at 10:24 am

Stories like this just make me depressed. What did I do wrong?

LesBontemps March 16, 2012 at 10:31 am

You failed to run for Snohomish County Exec.

FakaktaSouth March 16, 2012 at 11:02 am

Aw man, that's how I feel everytime Michele, Sarah or one of their ilk makes another buck. But, if I was a working girl, I'd wanna work with you without a doubt. We could have "champagne, and sushi" everyday!

prommie March 16, 2012 at 11:45 am

Awwww, you make mongo blush.

oldedinvn March 16, 2012 at 12:00 pm

You dint not go into polotics. That's where it seems to be.

YasserArraFeck March 16, 2012 at 10:24 am

Squirmish in Snohomish

Chillatte March 16, 2012 at 10:27 am

Sodomish.

iburl March 16, 2012 at 10:24 am

I guess he's headed to hollywood for beautiful people instead of hollywood for ugly people.

Troglodeity March 16, 2012 at 10:25 am

Well, to be fair, who among us hasn't charged a sex toy to our employer's credit card?

actor212 March 16, 2012 at 10:29 am

*raising han–

Wait. Do anal beads count? I swear, I thought they were for the Mardi Gras.

memzilla March 16, 2012 at 10:34 am

You shouldn't have put the cardholder name down as "Ben Wa."

actor212 March 16, 2012 at 10:40 am

But that's my boss's name! He owns the local Wa Shan Dry!

Doktor StrangeZoom March 16, 2012 at 10:29 am

I know a number of us who are planning to do so at the first opportunity.

First step, getting a jerb with an employer that has a credit card….

(Dammit, I'm a county employee, and the worst misuse of taxpayer funds I can manage is reading Wonkette on the job…I guess I'll never get the hang of that Bigger Picture stuff)

Beetagger March 16, 2012 at 10:31 am

Hitler?

V572 Flambé March 16, 2012 at 10:45 am

Do motel porno movies count?

prommie March 16, 2012 at 10:47 am

My boss tells me that if I am travelling for the company, I am entitled to all the comforts of home. . . .

Guppy March 16, 2012 at 12:18 pm

I find it's more interesting to find sex-toy uses for office supplies. For example, binder clips.

horsedreamer_1 March 18, 2012 at 12:28 pm

It doesn't count if you do it in Toronto.

CivilMcMannerly March 16, 2012 at 10:26 am

"Dutton said she took a vacation day from her county job."

My job and boss are county as well, but you don't see me taking days off to have sex-orgies.

actor212 March 16, 2012 at 10:26 am

Looks more Snohomo-ish, if you ask me

neiltheblaze March 16, 2012 at 10:27 am

At least this one looks fuckable.

LesBontemps March 16, 2012 at 10:32 am

The correct phrasing is "I'd hit that."

actor212 March 16, 2012 at 10:36 am

As a newly gay man, so would I. But only if he brought the two women with him. Then left the room.

Hey, a man's gotta have standards, straight or gay!

LesBontemps March 16, 2012 at 10:40 am

That's some kinda ghey you got there.

actor212 March 16, 2012 at 10:43 am

All the women think gay men are hawt, so….

UW8316154 March 16, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Meh. Kind of like the old Sarah, looks nice until you get to know 'em, and then even a paper bag isn't enough to cover the taint.

chascates March 16, 2012 at 10:28 am

meal fit for a king: grapes, assorted fruit, cheeses, breads … Champagne, and sushi

Man, that's exactly how royal families party down!

Troglodeity March 16, 2012 at 10:30 am

"Assorted fruit" … sounds like The Onion's Smoove B.

Geminisunmars March 16, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Needs more goose liver.

MadBrahms March 16, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Sure, in Ancient Rome (other than the sushi). All they need is for Malcolm McDowell to show up.

actor212 March 16, 2012 at 10:28 am

Dutton said she took a vacation day from her county job.

If she was a Republican, she'd have claimed she was working from him.

Home, I mean, working from home.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 16, 2012 at 10:30 am

Sno-WHOA-mish!

DaRooster March 16, 2012 at 10:31 am

“we’re planning a meal fit for a king: grapes, assorted fruit, cheeses, breads … Champagne, and sushi.”

Fit for a king? Yeah, for a pussy king… where's the beef?

ManchuCandidate March 16, 2012 at 10:32 am

I would think he was bringing the beef.

north_of_moscow March 16, 2012 at 10:34 am

I've never had a threesome, because every time one's on the verge of actually happening I chime in with "Hey, who wants some of my famous chili?" So, yeah, stick with sushi.

Toomush_Infer March 16, 2012 at 11:22 am

Well, they brought the fish…

DaRooster March 16, 2012 at 11:29 am

Are they Led Zeppelin?

north_of_moscow March 16, 2012 at 10:32 am

The Snohomish Republican Conundrum: Blame the Democrat or the sluts?

sharethegrief March 16, 2012 at 10:34 am

Same thing.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 16, 2012 at 10:35 am

All of them, Katie!

chicken_thief March 16, 2012 at 10:54 am

He's going to jail if they used contraceptives.

Beowoof March 16, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Bros before ho's blame the sluts It is the republican thing to do.

upthruster March 16, 2012 at 10:33 am

"So what do we think Reardon did to the lady that she did not consider good behavior? Unauthorized entry to the pooper?"

Yes, I'll assume she had her Reardon(e).

donner_froh March 16, 2012 at 10:35 am

Felony theft charges are possible if investigators found a public official stole $750 or more, Banks said. "We'd have to prove that he, with an intent to deprive the county of those services, took them for himself."

He was a very busy boy–$750 buys a lot of vibrators and lube.

Mumbletypeg March 16, 2012 at 10:35 am

currently on the hot seat for doing sex on all sorts of ladies at the same time, while he was supposed to be “working,”

Former GOP spokesclown Klobhorn or Korbdorb or whatever, up in Wisconsin, can eat his own heart out right about now.

upthruster March 16, 2012 at 10:39 am

Brodkorb in Minnesota. Yes he's pissed because other staffers got away with it too and that's his argument in his recent lawsuit for being fired..

philpjfry March 16, 2012 at 10:36 am

finaly a morning post I can get behind

Doktor StrangeZoom March 16, 2012 at 10:49 am

And push.

widestanceromance March 16, 2012 at 10:36 am

See, if this guy were a (R), this would have involved the underage sons of the other women and lots of meth.

Plus, are 3-ways at work unusual? I had several as part of my interview process.*

*in my imagination, of course

weej_bain March 16, 2012 at 10:40 am

His excuse "Hey! It rains here a lot and we have to do indoor games" in 3, 2, 1…

Pat_Pending March 16, 2012 at 10:40 am

His ineptitude at spelling counts as a turn-off for me.

SorosBot March 16, 2012 at 10:43 am

Threesomes? Why does he have to go making the rest of us all jealous, living the dream like that?

gullywompr March 16, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Worse than that, why does he have to wait to have one "until he behaves"? Kinda defeats the whole purpose, don't it?

Not_So_Much March 16, 2012 at 10:45 am

So, O'Keefe and a boat were involved?

SorosBot March 16, 2012 at 11:08 am

No, it sounds like this was consensual.

DaRooster March 16, 2012 at 10:45 am

"The other woman said she had been going through some personal problems and agreed to join them."

"Hey has your friend been having personal problems?"
"Why yes she has."
"Is she really having a hard time?"
"I think so."
"Bring her along… I'll give her a hard time if you know what I mean."
"Oh Aaron, you are so funny."
"I know it!"

Goonemeritus March 16, 2012 at 10:46 am

You damn kids with your threesomes and your Twitter why when I was your age I felt lucky if just one employee charged me with harassment.

John Birf Society March 16, 2012 at 10:47 am

This guy clearly has not gone soft in the War on Vaginas.

Mumbletypeg March 16, 2012 at 10:57 am

Other items charged to the account included:

Sum total of twelve [12] appointments at Tantastic Tanning Salon
One [1]-package of felt-tip quills
Collapsible dragon lanterns (Two [2] sets of twin strands)
Dozen bags of party-favor-size “Novelty Candy” packages
A softback volume of Camille Paglia’s “Sexual Personnae”

ph7 March 16, 2012 at 11:00 am

Admittedparamour #1
Alleged paramour #2

actor212 March 16, 2012 at 11:01 am

I'd tap that.

But hell, I'm male so I'll tap anything, amirite?

ph7 March 16, 2012 at 11:06 am

Alleged # 2, in her official pic, looks like a smoldering fire.

Not sure how wife #1 feels about all this.

actor212 March 16, 2012 at 11:13 am

Probably haz a sad she was left out.

weej_bain March 16, 2012 at 11:00 am

So this fall America will have to choose between the misogynist Viagra Party and the Party of Threesomes? Mmmmmm, that will be a very nuanced decision process.

CogitoErgoBibo March 16, 2012 at 11:08 am

“did u tell him 3somes are off until he behaves?”

Oooo. And now a little bit of dominance/submissiveness arrives at the party. Behave, hawt boss man! Otherwise, you'll taste the whip and like it. Safe word: Santorum.

WiscDad March 16, 2012 at 11:13 am

I love the whistleblower comment

ph7 March 16, 2012 at 11:20 am

Dutton claims Reardon asked her to set up a liaison with the three of them. The other woman said she had been going through some personal problems and agreed to join them.

The "personal problems"? Not enough threesome action!

ElPinche March 16, 2012 at 11:33 am

New tag line: "It's never too early for the chair towel on Wonkette"

edywin2 March 16, 2012 at 11:34 am

My shrink always recommends threesomes when I am going through "personal problems". After reading this, I feel the need for a therapy session coming on right now.

Gunner Asch March 16, 2012 at 11:35 am

Meh. You should see the city council meetings in Humptulips.

Bezoar March 16, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Whenever driving through Humptulips, I would turn to my girlfriend/wife/female passenger and say "Boy, I'd like to hump your tulips!". Once in a while one of them would laugh.

Tundra Grifter March 16, 2012 at 11:38 am

Wasn't there a COPS-like tv show about law enforcement set in Snohomish County?

Jus_Wonderin March 16, 2012 at 11:47 am

"His office calendar was clear that day until 5 p.m."

I question this. I bet he has a huge desk calendar and that's where the threesome occurred, after a hasty rake of all the desktop contents. At least, that's how it happens in the Bodice Rippers, right????

twoeightnine March 16, 2012 at 11:58 am

Death by sno-ho.

proudgrampa March 16, 2012 at 12:04 pm

"Snohomish," the new "Toga."

anniegetyerfun March 16, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I work in Snohomish county, and I'm puzzled as to where they might locate some actual sushi up here.

Bezoar March 16, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Stanwood?

UW8316154 March 16, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Lynnwood?

I mean, there IS a Whole Foods there now.

anniegetyerfun March 16, 2012 at 4:14 pm

What? Where? Jesus, I was JUST at the mall, and I didn't see a sign of anything edible. I mean, other than Cinnabun.

anniegetyerfun March 16, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Well, as he's a Democrat, at least we can comfortably assume that the only sexy-time partners that will come forward are going to be women.

Guppy March 16, 2012 at 12:21 pm

That picture alone… that is the douchiest douche that ever douched douchely.

I didn't know LNS had a west coast chapter.

Mr Pre-Press March 16, 2012 at 12:25 pm

heh-heh-heh…she said "Rear-don"…

vtxmcrider March 16, 2012 at 12:26 pm

'Snohomish is the name of a Native American tribe in the area. Some associate the word as meaning "land of the low people".'

Straight from Wikipedia. I did not make this shit up.

AlaskaGrrl March 16, 2012 at 12:36 pm

And a thousand right wing bloggers masturbate furiously with envy.

HippieEsq March 16, 2012 at 1:10 pm

HEY THAT IS EXACTLY THE FRIDAY I WAS PLANNING.

crybabyboehner March 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm

His offense probably involved a dutch oven.

Allmighty_Manos March 16, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Once again, my workplace is really boring.

Extemporanus March 16, 2012 at 1:46 pm

A two month long, utterly debauched, drug and alcohol-fueled non-stop threesome with one's wife and a practically live-in nymphomatic Brazilian woman who looks like Lucía y el Sexo-era Paz Vega may sound super awesome, but in the end is a bit more exhaustingly complicated, bilingually shouty, and multiple restraining order-y than it's actually worth.

THE MORE YOU KNOW
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

owhatever March 16, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Where's Andrew Breitbart's hidden camera when we need it to expose this sinful behavior?

UW8316154 March 16, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I live in Snohomish County. This guy gives John Edwards a run for his money, all the way down to the good hair.

jimstoic March 16, 2012 at 6:09 pm

He just loved his county so much he couldn't help it.

mercianomad March 16, 2012 at 8:47 pm

"So what do we think Reardon did to the lady that she did not consider good behavior?"

I'm pretty sure we can rule out his saying to them, "Champagne? That's sparkling wine! Champagne is made in the Champagne region of France, you bimbos!"

Beetagger March 16, 2012 at 10:35 am

U win.

memzilla March 16, 2012 at 10:37 am

Miss Editrix! Dok's gettin' all l33t on us!

Doktor StrangeZoom March 16, 2012 at 10:44 am

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AlterNewt March 16, 2012 at 10:55 am

Better l33t than never.

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