Here is some group-sex-having liberal eyecandy, for your Friday morning treat. (Your Wonkette loves you, each and every one.) Meet Aaron Reardon! He is the Snohomish County (think of it as “Seattle-adjacent”) chief executive currently on the hot seat for doing sex on all sorts of ladies at the same time, while he was supposed to be “working,” and also charging a vibrator and lube to a county credit card because who hasn’t? Also, you know, misuse of public funds who cares let’s get to the orgies!
[Social worker and Reardon whistleblower -- heh -- Tamara] Dutton claims Reardon asked her to set up a liaison with the three of them. The other woman said she had been going through some personal problems and agreed to join them.
On Oct. 8, the woman wrote on Facebook to Reardon that “we’re planning a meal fit for a king: grapes, assorted fruit, cheeses, breads … Champagne, and sushi.”
Reardon replied: “Champaign[sic]? Good grief. You’re making me laugh.” He added: “Trying to get me tipsy?”
His office calendar was clear that day until 5 p.m.
Dutton said she took a vacation day from her county job.
In text messages between the two women, Dutton later wrote that Reardon wanted to plan another “lunch.”
The other woman replied: “did u tell him 3somes are off until he behaves?”
So what do we think Reardon did to the lady that she did not consider good behavior? Unauthorized entry to the pooper? Whined really really hard about wearing a condom? Made them all watch Santorum campaign speech videos? Enquiring minds, and et cetera.
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"Snohomish" will now be my new code word for an orgy, in both the literal and figurative.
"Wife Claims Husband's Snohomish Led To Divorce"
"Alabama, Mississippi Voters in Snohomish of Enthusiasm For Santorum."
Sweet. Great way to return to the NW from my week in
hellZionSalt Lake City.Do they still serve the Quaff of Life/Nectar of the Gods in little airline bottles there, and make you mix your own drink? Last time I went I managed to get in and out on the same day and avoided the problem entirely.
Daze of yore. Since way back in 2010 they've allowed the bars (all 6 of them) to be open on Sunday. I didn't go to the mixed drinks. Stayed with the Polygamy Porter – "why stop with just one?"
The arc of the universe is wide, but it bends towards justice. “In the 1970s, Kansas Attorney General Vern Miller renewed the enforcement of Kansas's prohibition, even raidingAmtraktrains traveling through Kansas to stop illegal liquor sales.He also forced airlines to stop serving liquor while traveling through Kansas airspace.”
It's no Appalachian Trail, but 'tis enough, 'twill serve: ask for him to-morrow, and you shall find his rear done.
"Snohomish" will now be my new code word
All too fitting, reminding me it was almost a year ago we enjoyed some squirmish delight at Herr Palin's expense.
Let's not Smerconish any of this with Santorum.
Oh, ooh, good idea. Can we add a noun afterwards as in the ubiquitous Cleveland Steamer? Something alliterative…riding the Snohomish Pony… throwing the Snohomish Bone….
That's not fair to us Snohomish residents who don't get to take part in orgies! Where's MY threesome?!
I'm guessing he tried to play Skrillex on the stereo.
for romance.
Anybody that plays that ungodly shit for any reason should expect unauthorized pooper pillaging.
If this scandal involved a Democrat, Wonkette would never have covered it. Have you hypocrites no shame?
Reardon is a Democrat.
I know. I was being "meta." All the kids are doing it these days.
If you wanted to be meta, you should have posted it in ASCII.
Pyrneyl, V fubhyq unir EBG13'q gur jubyr pbzzrag gb Nstunavfgna, ab bar unf ybfg nal
Nope. Thanks for playing along!
Please. There were women in the orgy. QED: Democrat.
Two's an office fling, Three's a Summary Firing.
Come and knock on my door.
I've been waiting for two.
Where the vibrator and lube are taxpayer paid,
Threesomes taxpayer funded too.
ManchuCandidate, you have outdone yourself. And set the bar impossibly high.
hawt!!!
So sexytime with laydeez and sucking off gov't $ — guy's a Democrat, right?
Wrong kind of Dem, though. He was all for a huge development in rural Snohomish County. I'm guessing he had lots of potential profits in the deal. Too bad it has gone sour, as in the county council giving him the elbow from the sky (at least temporarily). Guess he tried to assuage his hurt feeling with a bit of bubbly sexytime.
Oh, don't be silly. There are no Democrats who believe in private enterprise!
Sprawl knows no party affiliation, especially at the local level. Who doesn't love more traffic, smog and pavement? Nobody with any power or influence, certainly.
A dem jerb creator? What's the temp in hell now?!!!
Stories like this just make me depressed. What did I do wrong?
You failed to run for Snohomish County Exec.
Aw man, that's how I feel everytime Michele, Sarah or one of their ilk makes another buck. But, if I was a working girl, I'd wanna work with you without a doubt. We could have "champagne, and sushi" everyday!
Awwww, you make mongo blush.
You dint not go into polotics. That's where it seems to be.
Squirmish in Snohomish
Sodomish.
I guess he's headed to hollywood for beautiful people instead of hollywood for ugly people.
Well, to be fair, who among us hasn't charged a sex toy to our employer's credit card?
*raising han–
Wait. Do anal beads count? I swear, I thought they were for the Mardi Gras.
You shouldn't have put the cardholder name down as "Ben Wa."
But that's my boss's name! He owns the local Wa Shan Dry!
I know a number of us who are planning to do so at the first opportunity.
First step, getting a jerb with an employer that has a credit card….
(Dammit, I'm a county employee, and the worst misuse of taxpayer funds I can manage is reading Wonkette on the job…I guess I'll never get the hang of that Bigger Picture stuff)
Hitler?
Do motel porno movies count?
My boss tells me that if I am travelling for the company, I am entitled to all the comforts of home. . . .
I find it's more interesting to find sex-toy uses for office supplies. For example, binder clips.
It doesn't count if you do it in Toronto.
"Dutton said she took a vacation day from her county job."
My job and boss are county as well, but you don't see me taking days off to have sex-orgies.
Looks more Snohomo-ish, if you ask me
At least this one looks fuckable.
The correct phrasing is "I'd hit that."
As a newly gay man, so would I. But only if he brought the two women with him. Then left the room.
Hey, a man's gotta have standards, straight or gay!
That's some kinda ghey you got there.
All the women think gay men are hawt, so….
Meh. Kind of like the old Sarah, looks nice until you get to know 'em, and then even a paper bag isn't enough to cover the taint.
meal fit for a king: grapes, assorted fruit, cheeses, breads … Champagne, and sushi
Man, that's exactly how royal families party down!
"Assorted fruit" … sounds like The Onion's Smoove B.
Needs more goose liver.
Sure, in Ancient Rome (other than the sushi). All they need is for Malcolm McDowell to show up.
Dutton said she took a vacation day from her county job.
If she was a Republican, she'd have claimed she was working from him.
Home, I mean, working from home.
Sno-WHOA-mish!
“we’re planning a meal fit for a king: grapes, assorted fruit, cheeses, breads … Champagne, and sushi.”
Fit for a king? Yeah, for a pussy king… where's the beef?
I would think he was bringing the beef.
I've never had a threesome, because every time one's on the verge of actually happening I chime in with "Hey, who wants some of my famous chili?" So, yeah, stick with sushi.
Well, they brought the fish…
Are they Led Zeppelin?
The Snohomish Republican Conundrum: Blame the Democrat or the sluts?
Same thing.
All of them, Katie!
He's going to jail if they used contraceptives.
Bros before ho's blame the sluts It is the republican thing to do.
"So what do we think Reardon did to the lady that she did not consider good behavior? Unauthorized entry to the pooper?"
Yes, I'll assume she had her Reardon(e).
Felony theft charges are possible if investigators found a public official stole $750 or more, Banks said. "We'd have to prove that he, with an intent to deprive the county of those services, took them for himself."
He was a very busy boy–$750 buys a lot of vibrators and lube.
Former GOP spokesclown Klobhorn or Korbdorb or whatever, up in Wisconsin, can eat his own heart out right about now.
Brodkorb in Minnesota. Yes he's pissed because other staffers got away with it too and that's his argument in his recent lawsuit for being fired..
finaly a morning post I can get behind
And push.
See, if this guy were a (R), this would have involved the underage sons of the other women and lots of meth.
Plus, are 3-ways at work unusual? I had several as part of my interview process.*
*in my imagination, of course
His excuse "Hey! It rains here a lot and we have to do indoor games" in 3, 2, 1…
His ineptitude at spelling counts as a turn-off for me.
Threesomes? Why does he have to go making the rest of us all jealous, living the dream like that?
Worse than that, why does he have to wait to have one "until he behaves"? Kinda defeats the whole purpose, don't it?
So, O'Keefe and a boat were involved?
No, it sounds like this was consensual.
"The other woman said she had been going through some personal problems and agreed to join them."
"Hey has your friend been having personal problems?"
"Why yes she has."
"Is she really having a hard time?"
"I think so."
"Bring her along… I'll give her a hard time if you know what I mean."
"Oh Aaron, you are so funny."
"I know it!"
You damn kids with your threesomes and your Twitter why when I was your age I felt lucky if just one employee charged me with harassment.
This guy clearly has not gone soft in the War on Vaginas.
Other items charged to the account included:
Sum total of twelve [12] appointments at Tantastic Tanning Salon
One [1]-package of felt-tip quills
Collapsible dragon lanterns (Two [2] sets of twin strands)
Dozen bags of party-favor-size “Novelty Candy” packages
A softback volume of Camille Paglia’s “Sexual Personnae”
Admittedparamour #1
Alleged paramour #2
I'd tap that.
But hell, I'm male so I'll tap anything, amirite?
Alleged # 2, in her official pic, looks like a smoldering fire.
Not sure how wife #1 feels about all this.
Probably haz a sad she was left out.
So this fall America will have to choose between the misogynist Viagra Party and the Party of Threesomes? Mmmmmm, that will be a very nuanced decision process.
“did u tell him 3somes are off until he behaves?”
Oooo. And now a little bit of dominance/submissiveness arrives at the party. Behave, hawt boss man! Otherwise, you'll taste the whip and like it. Safe word: Santorum.
I love the whistleblower comment
Dutton claims Reardon asked her to set up a liaison with the three of them. The other woman said she had been going through some personal problems and agreed to join them.
The "personal problems"? Not enough threesome action!
New tag line: "It's never too early for the chair towel on Wonkette"
My shrink always recommends threesomes when I am going through "personal problems". After reading this, I feel the need for a therapy session coming on right now.
Meh. You should see the city council meetings in Humptulips.
Whenever driving through Humptulips, I would turn to my girlfriend/wife/female passenger and say "Boy, I'd like to hump your tulips!". Once in a while one of them would laugh.
Wasn't there a COPS-like tv show about law enforcement set in Snohomish County?
"His office calendar was clear that day until 5 p.m."
I question this. I bet he has a huge desk calendar and that's where the threesome occurred, after a hasty rake of all the desktop contents. At least, that's how it happens in the Bodice Rippers, right????
Death by sno-ho.
"Snohomish," the new "Toga."
I work in Snohomish county, and I'm puzzled as to where they might locate some actual sushi up here.
Stanwood?
Lynnwood?
I mean, there IS a Whole Foods there now.
What? Where? Jesus, I was JUST at the mall, and I didn't see a sign of anything edible. I mean, other than Cinnabun.
Well, as he's a Democrat, at least we can comfortably assume that the only sexy-time partners that will come forward are going to be women.
That picture alone… that is the douchiest douche that ever douched douchely.
I didn't know LNS had a west coast chapter.
heh-heh-heh…she said "Rear-don"…
'Snohomish is the name of a Native American tribe in the area. Some associate the word as meaning "land of the low people".'
Straight from Wikipedia. I did not make this shit up.
And a thousand right wing bloggers masturbate furiously with envy.
HEY THAT IS EXACTLY THE FRIDAY I WAS PLANNING.
His offense probably involved a dutch oven.
Once again, my workplace is really boring.
A two month long, utterly debauched, drug and alcohol-fueled non-stop threesome with one's wife and a practically live-in nymphomatic Brazilian woman who looks like Lucía y el Sexo-era Paz Vega may sound super awesome, but in the end is a bit more exhaustingly complicated, bilingually shouty, and multiple restraining order-y than it's actually worth.
THE MORE YOU KNOW
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::★
Where's Andrew Breitbart's hidden camera when we need it to expose this sinful behavior?
I live in Snohomish County. This guy gives John Edwards a run for his money, all the way down to the good hair.
He just loved his county so much he couldn't help it.
"So what do we think Reardon did to the lady that she did not consider good behavior?"
I'm pretty sure we can rule out his saying to them, "Champagne? That's sparkling wine! Champagne is made in the Champagne region of France, you bimbos!"
U win.
Miss Editrix! Dok's gettin' all l33t on us!
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Better l33t than never.
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