been caught stealing

Supermodel Snohomish County Executive Made Threesome Sexytimes During Work Hours, Maybe Stole Stuff

Hot SeatHere is some group-sex-having liberal eyecandy, for your Friday morning treat. (Your Wonkette loves you, each and every one.) Meet Aaron Reardon! He is the Snohomish County (think of it as “Seattle-adjacent”) chief executive currently on the hot seat for doing sex on all sorts of ladies at the same time, while he was supposed to be “working,” and also charging a vibrator and lube to a county credit card because who hasn’t? Also, you know, misuse of public funds who cares let’s get to the orgies!

[Social worker and Reardon whistleblower — heh — Tamara] Dutton claims Reardon asked her to set up a liaison with the three of them. The other woman said she had been going through some personal problems and agreed to join them.

On Oct. 8, the woman wrote on Facebook to Reardon that “we’re planning a meal fit for a king: grapes, assorted fruit, cheeses, breads … Champagne, and sushi.”

Reardon replied: “Champaign[sic]? Good grief. You’re making me laugh.” He added: “Trying to get me tipsy?”

His office calendar was clear that day until 5 p.m.

Dutton said she took a vacation day from her county job.

In text messages between the two women, Dutton later wrote that Reardon wanted to plan another “lunch.”

The other woman replied: “did u tell him 3somes are off until he behaves?”

So what do we think Reardon did to the lady that she did not consider good behavior? Unauthorized entry to the pooper? Whined really really hard about wearing a condom? Made them all watch Santorum campaign speech videos? Enquiring minds, and et cetera.

[Seattle Times]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • memzilla

    "Snohomish" will now be my new code word for an orgy, in both the literal and figurative.

    "Wife Claims Husband's Snohomish Led To Divorce"

    "Alabama, Mississippi Voters in Snohomish of Enthusiasm For Santorum."

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      Sweet. Great way to return to the NW from my week in hell Zion Salt Lake City.

      • V572 Flambé

        Do they still serve the Quaff of Life/Nectar of the Gods in little airline bottles there, and make you mix your own drink? Last time I went I managed to get in and out on the same day and avoided the problem entirely.

        • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

          Daze of yore. Since way back in 2010 they've allowed the bars (all 6 of them) to be open on Sunday. I didn't go to the mixed drinks. Stayed with the Polygamy Porter – "why stop with just one?"

          • V572 Flambé

            The arc of the universe is wide, but it bends towards justice. “In the 1970s, Kansas Attorney General Vern Miller renewed the enforcement of Kansas's prohibition, even raidingAmtraktrains traveling through Kansas to stop illegal liquor sales.He also forced airlines to stop serving liquor while traveling through Kansas airspace.”

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      It's no Appalachian Trail, but 'tis enough, 'twill serve: ask for him to-morrow, and you shall find his rear done.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      "Snohomish" will now be my new code word

      All too fitting, reminding me it was almost a year ago we enjoyed some squirmish delight at Herr Palin's expense.

    • Weenus299

      Let's not Smerconish any of this with Santorum.

    • PhilippePetain

      Oh, ooh, good idea. Can we add a noun afterwards as in the ubiquitous Cleveland Steamer? Something alliterative…riding the Snohomish Pony… throwing the Snohomish Bone….

    • a_pink_poodle

      That's not fair to us Snohomish residents who don't get to take part in orgies! Where's MY threesome?!

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    I'm guessing he tried to play Skrillex on the stereo.
    for romance.

    • Not_So_Much

      Anybody that plays that ungodly shit for any reason should expect unauthorized pooper pillaging.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    If this scandal involved a Democrat, Wonkette would never have covered it. Have you hypocrites no shame?

    • OneDollarJuana

      Reardon is a Democrat.

      • Doktor StrangeZoom

        I know. I was being "meta." All the kids are doing it these days.

        • Beetagger

          If you wanted to be meta, you should have posted it in ASCII.

          • Doktor StrangeZoom

            Pyrneyl, V fubhyq unir EBG13'q gur jubyr pbzzrag gb Nstunavfgna, ab bar unf ybfg nal

          • Beetagger

            U win.

          • memzilla

            Miss Editrix! Dok's gettin' all l33t on us!

          • Doktor StrangeZoom

            010101000110100001100101001000000111011101101111011100100111001101110100001000000111010001101000011010010110111001100111001000000110000101100010011011110111010101110100001000000110100101110100001000000110100101110011001000000111010001101000011000010111010000100000010010010010000001100100011011110110111000100111011101000010000001101011011011100110111101110111001000000110000100100000011001000110000101101101011011100010000001110100011010000110100101101110011001110010000001100001011000100110111101110101011101000010000001100011011011110110110101110000011101010111010001100101011100100111001100100000011000100110010101111001011011110110111001100100001000000110000100100000011001100110010101110111001000000110111001100101011100100110010000100000011010100110111101101011011001010111001100101110

          • AlterNewt

            Better l33t than never.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Nope. Thanks for playing along!

    • memzilla

      Please. There were women in the orgy. QED: Democrat.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Two's an office fling, Three's a Summary Firing.

    Come and knock on my door.
    I've been waiting for two.
    Where the vibrator and lube are taxpayer paid,
    Threesomes taxpayer funded too.

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

      ManchuCandidate, you have outdone yourself. And set the bar impossibly high.

  • http://protoplasm.wordpress.com/ Preacher_Griz

    hawt!!!

  • HuddledMass

    So sexytime with laydeez and sucking off gov't $ — guy's a Democrat, right?

    • OneDollarJuana

      Wrong kind of Dem, though. He was all for a huge development in rural Snohomish County. I'm guessing he had lots of potential profits in the deal. Too bad it has gone sour, as in the county council giving him the elbow from the sky (at least temporarily). Guess he tried to assuage his hurt feeling with a bit of bubbly sexytime.

      • Doktor StrangeZoom

        Oh, don't be silly. There are no Democrats who believe in private enterprise!

      • V572 Flambé

        Sprawl knows no party affiliation, especially at the local level. Who doesn't love more traffic, smog and pavement? Nobody with any power or influence, certainly.

      • chicken_thief

        A dem jerb creator? What's the temp in hell now?!!!

  • prommie

    Stories like this just make me depressed. What did I do wrong?

    • LesBontemps

      You failed to run for Snohomish County Exec.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Aw man, that's how I feel everytime Michele, Sarah or one of their ilk makes another buck. But, if I was a working girl, I'd wanna work with you without a doubt. We could have "champagne, and sushi" everyday!

      • prommie

        Awwww, you make mongo blush.

    • oldedinvn

      You dint not go into polotics. That's where it seems to be.

  • YasserArraFeck

    Squirmish in Snohomish

    • http://www.wonkette.com Chillatte

      Sodomish.

  • iburl

    I guess he's headed to hollywood for beautiful people instead of hollywood for ugly people.

  • Troglodeity

    Well, to be fair, who among us hasn't charged a sex toy to our employer's credit card?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      *raising han–

      Wait. Do anal beads count? I swear, I thought they were for the Mardi Gras.

      • memzilla

        You shouldn't have put the cardholder name down as "Ben Wa."

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          But that's my boss's name! He owns the local Wa Shan Dry!

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      I know a number of us who are planning to do so at the first opportunity.

      First step, getting a jerb with an employer that has a credit card….

      (Dammit, I'm a county employee, and the worst misuse of taxpayer funds I can manage is reading Wonkette on the job…I guess I'll never get the hang of that Bigger Picture stuff)

    • Beetagger

      Hitler?

    • V572 Flambé

      Do motel porno movies count?

    • prommie

      My boss tells me that if I am travelling for the company, I am entitled to all the comforts of home. . . .

    • Guppy

      I find it's more interesting to find sex-toy uses for office supplies. For example, binder clips.

    • horsedreamer_1

      It doesn't count if you do it in Toronto.

  • CivilMcMannerly

    "Dutton said she took a vacation day from her county job."

    My job and boss are county as well, but you don't see me taking days off to have sex-orgies.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Looks more Snohomo-ish, if you ask me

  • neiltheblaze

    At least this one looks fuckable.

    • LesBontemps

      The correct phrasing is "I'd hit that."

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        As a newly gay man, so would I. But only if he brought the two women with him. Then left the room.

        Hey, a man's gotta have standards, straight or gay!

        • LesBontemps

          That's some kinda ghey you got there.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            All the women think gay men are hawt, so….

    • UW8316154

      Meh. Kind of like the old Sarah, looks nice until you get to know 'em, and then even a paper bag isn't enough to cover the taint.

  • chascates

    meal fit for a king: grapes, assorted fruit, cheeses, breads … Champagne, and sushi

    Man, that's exactly how royal families party down!

    • Troglodeity

      "Assorted fruit" … sounds like The Onion's Smoove B.

    • Geminisunmars

      Needs more goose liver.

    • MadBrahms

      Sure, in Ancient Rome (other than the sushi). All they need is for Malcolm McDowell to show up.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Dutton said she took a vacation day from her county job.

    If she was a Republican, she'd have claimed she was working from him.

    Home, I mean, working from home.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Sno-WHOA-mish!

  • DaRooster

    “we’re planning a meal fit for a king: grapes, assorted fruit, cheeses, breads … Champagne, and sushi.”

    Fit for a king? Yeah, for a pussy king… where's the beef?

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      I would think he was bringing the beef.

    • north_of_moscow

      I've never had a threesome, because every time one's on the verge of actually happening I chime in with "Hey, who wants some of my famous chili?" So, yeah, stick with sushi.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Well, they brought the fish…

      • DaRooster

        Are they Led Zeppelin?

  • north_of_moscow

    The Snohomish Republican Conundrum: Blame the Democrat or the sluts?

    • sharethegrief

      Same thing.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      All of them, Katie!

    • chicken_thief

      He's going to jail if they used contraceptives.

    • Beowoof

      Bros before ho's blame the sluts It is the republican thing to do.

  • upthruster

    "So what do we think Reardon did to the lady that she did not consider good behavior? Unauthorized entry to the pooper?"

    Yes, I'll assume she had her Reardon(e).

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Felony theft charges are possible if investigators found a public official stole $750 or more, Banks said. "We'd have to prove that he, with an intent to deprive the county of those services, took them for himself."

    He was a very busy boy–$750 buys a lot of vibrators and lube.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    currently on the hot seat for doing sex on all sorts of ladies at the same time, while he was supposed to be “working,”

    Former GOP spokesclown Klobhorn or Korbdorb or whatever, up in Wisconsin, can eat his own heart out right about now.

    • upthruster

      Brodkorb in Minnesota. Yes he's pissed because other staffers got away with it too and that's his argument in his recent lawsuit for being fired..

  • philpjfry

    finaly a morning post I can get behind

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      And push.

  • widestanceromance

    See, if this guy were a (R), this would have involved the underage sons of the other women and lots of meth.

    Plus, are 3-ways at work unusual? I had several as part of my interview process.*

    *in my imagination, of course

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    His excuse "Hey! It rains here a lot and we have to do indoor games" in 3, 2, 1…

  • Pat_Pending

    His ineptitude at spelling counts as a turn-off for me.

  • SorosBot

    Threesomes? Why does he have to go making the rest of us all jealous, living the dream like that?

    • gullywompr

      Worse than that, why does he have to wait to have one "until he behaves"? Kinda defeats the whole purpose, don't it?

  • Not_So_Much

    So, O'Keefe and a boat were involved?

    • SorosBot

      No, it sounds like this was consensual.

  • DaRooster

    "The other woman said she had been going through some personal problems and agreed to join them."

    "Hey has your friend been having personal problems?"
    "Why yes she has."
    "Is she really having a hard time?"
    "I think so."
    "Bring her along… I'll give her a hard time if you know what I mean."
    "Oh Aaron, you are so funny."
    "I know it!"

  • Goonemeritus

    You damn kids with your threesomes and your Twitter why when I was your age I felt lucky if just one employee charged me with harassment.

  • http://www.wonkette.com John Birf Society

    This guy clearly has not gone soft in the War on Vaginas.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Other items charged to the account included:

    Sum total of twelve [12] appointments at Tantastic Tanning Salon
    One [1]-package of felt-tip quills
    Collapsible dragon lanterns (Two [2] sets of twin strands)
    Dozen bags of party-favor-size “Novelty Candy” packages
    A softback volume of Camille Paglia’s “Sexual Personnae”

  • ph7

    Admittedparamour #1
    Alleged paramour #2

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I'd tap that.

      But hell, I'm male so I'll tap anything, amirite?

      • ph7

        Alleged # 2, in her official pic, looks like a smoldering fire.

        Not sure how wife #1 feels about all this.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Probably haz a sad she was left out.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    So this fall America will have to choose between the misogynist Viagra Party and the Party of Threesomes? Mmmmmm, that will be a very nuanced decision process.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    “did u tell him 3somes are off until he behaves?”

    Oooo. And now a little bit of dominance/submissiveness arrives at the party. Behave, hawt boss man! Otherwise, you'll taste the whip and like it. Safe word: Santorum.

  • WiscDad

    I love the whistleblower comment

  • ph7

    Dutton claims Reardon asked her to set up a liaison with the three of them. The other woman said she had been going through some personal problems and agreed to join them.

    The "personal problems"? Not enough threesome action!

  • ElPinche

    New tag line: "It's never too early for the chair towel on Wonkette"

  • edywin2

    My shrink always recommends threesomes when I am going through "personal problems". After reading this, I feel the need for a therapy session coming on right now.

  • Gunner Asch

    Meh. You should see the city council meetings in Humptulips.

    • Bezoar

      Whenever driving through Humptulips, I would turn to my girlfriend/wife/female passenger and say "Boy, I'd like to hump your tulips!". Once in a while one of them would laugh.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Wasn't there a COPS-like tv show about law enforcement set in Snohomish County?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    "His office calendar was clear that day until 5 p.m."

    I question this. I bet he has a huge desk calendar and that's where the threesome occurred, after a hasty rake of all the desktop contents. At least, that's how it happens in the Bodice Rippers, right????

  • http://www.twoeightnine.com twoeightnine

    Death by sno-ho.

  • proudgrampa

    "Snohomish," the new "Toga."

  • anniegetyerfun

    I work in Snohomish county, and I'm puzzled as to where they might locate some actual sushi up here.

    • Bezoar

      Stanwood?

    • UW8316154

      Lynnwood?

      I mean, there IS a Whole Foods there now.

      • anniegetyerfun

        What? Where? Jesus, I was JUST at the mall, and I didn't see a sign of anything edible. I mean, other than Cinnabun.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Well, as he's a Democrat, at least we can comfortably assume that the only sexy-time partners that will come forward are going to be women.

  • Guppy

    That picture alone… that is the douchiest douche that ever douched douchely.

    I didn't know LNS had a west coast chapter.

  • Mr Pre-Press

    heh-heh-heh…she said "Rear-don"…

  • vtxmcrider

    'Snohomish is the name of a Native American tribe in the area. Some associate the word as meaning "land of the low people".'

    Straight from Wikipedia. I did not make this shit up.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    And a thousand right wing bloggers masturbate furiously with envy.

  • HippieEsq

    HEY THAT IS EXACTLY THE FRIDAY I WAS PLANNING.

  • crybabyboehner

    His offense probably involved a dutch oven.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Once again, my workplace is really boring.

  • Extemporanus

    A two month long, utterly debauched, drug and alcohol-fueled non-stop threesome with one's wife and a practically live-in nymphomatic Brazilian woman who looks like Lucía y el Sexo-era Paz Vega may sound super awesome, but in the end is a bit more exhaustingly complicated, bilingually shouty, and multiple restraining order-y than it's actually worth.

    THE MORE YOU KNOW
    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

  • owhatever

    Where's Andrew Breitbart's hidden camera when we need it to expose this sinful behavior?

  • UW8316154

    I live in Snohomish County. This guy gives John Edwards a run for his money, all the way down to the good hair.

  • jimstoic

    He just loved his county so much he couldn't help it.

  • mercianomad

    "So what do we think Reardon did to the lady that she did not consider good behavior?"

    I'm pretty sure we can rule out his saying to them, "Champagne? That's sparkling wine! Champagne is made in the Champagne region of France, you bimbos!"