wonkette sports

College Kids Demand To See U.S. Citizen’s Green Card While He’s Playing Basketball

Let’s put politics aside for a minute and enjoy the beginning of America’s greatest annual springtime intercollegiate athletic competition, March Madness. Things got off to a thrilling start today: “During their school’s NCAA Tournament game against Kansas State University today, members of the Southern Mississippi University band chanted, ‘Where’s your green card?’ at a Puerto Rican Kansas State player.” [Think Progress]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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    1. JustPixelz

      How was vacation? I assume you walked to save money due to Obama's high gas prices that he could lower to $2.50/gallon with the stroke of a pen and an icy stare at certain Saudi kings. But I digress.

      Did these "college students" really expect someone from Puerto Rico who is going to diversity haven Kansas State to hable inglés? That tells us all we need to know about academic standards in Missasloppy. (I assume their SAT scores are calculated during senior year duck-duck-goose games.)

          1. Barb

            Nah, I am still on a sausage-free diet, according to my zorch doctor. I have an appointment at 8 A.M. to see if I am healing internally. It's going to be another 2 weeks before I can play "escaped convict and warden's wife" again. I'm hoping that Jeff has a fetish for 12 inch scars. Just kidding, my husband is the most loving, patient, thoughtful, caring and awesome person I've ever met.

      1. SorosBot

        Hey, my college were NCAA basketball champions my senior year! That is, champion of their – um, whatever they call the grouping of teams that play each other in college basketball is – in division 3. Nobody gave a shit; and in fact the fact that nobody at my school gave a shit about the sports teams was one of the big factors in deciding to go there.

  1. 4TheTurnstiles

    Last I checked, Kansas has yet to declare itself un-American and fight a war over it. Ergo: this kid from Manhattan is more American than your fat Piggly Wiggly ass, Hattiesburg.

    1. DarwinianDemon

      This means Arizona State will have to actually storm the floor with pitchforks and torches to remain top seed.

        1. beavertank

          And thus it turns into Space Jam and the Loony Toons will clinch their come from behind victory, confounding sports bookies everywhere.

  2. tunamelt

    Having been in a collegiate marching band at various NCAA tournaments, this is actually fairly tame for what gets yelled by a bunch of drunken idiots with no hand/eye coordination to speak of.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I will concur – the BIGGEST drankers I ever knew were in the band here – I MEAN DUUURRRUUUUUNNNNKKKSS. But could still tote a tuba or whatnot in formation, in WOOL uniforms, in August, in Alabama. Pretty impressive. Less so in a rugby on the side of a basketball game being racist.

    2. Negropolis

      But, the actual bands are supposed to be classy and highly disciplined. The fans? Not so much, but the bands are supposed to be examples, at least while on the field or in the stands. After that, though, they are allowed to let their freak-flags fly.

  3. Come here a minute

    You can only imagine what they had to say to the sluts of the cheerleading squad.

    1. MaxNeanderthal

      Yeah, the clue is in the words "Southern" and "Mississippi". I'm south therefore I'm bigot…..

  4. CrunchyKnee

    Sure, but the Southern Mississippi University band only consists of a 30 year old freshman playing the jug and his cousin girlfriend playing the banjo.

  5. Baconzgood

    They DO go to SMU. How the hell would they know Puerto Rican people are american citizens?

    1. FakaktaSouth

      So did Brett Favre. So I figure that means they ALL have 4 inch dicks, and this is why they act this way.

      1. Callyson

        Four? If the photo on Deadspin is accurate, Favre is lucky if he's got three full inches…

        1. FakaktaSouth

          I stand corrected, absolutely – I saw the same deadspin "spread" (that poor girl) I was just going by that joke on Tosh (I think) about them adding the inches symbol to his number 4 jersey. He is obviously very proud of that pitiful thing, that's for sure.

  6. FakaktaSouth

    I had KState on my bracket anyway. Suck it, Southern Miss Golden Eagles – what, was AMERICA'S eagle not good enough for you Commies?

      1. FROTHY

        Especially among Teh Brownz whose people have lived in this country way longer than all them Piggrimz, if you get my drift.

  7. actor212

    Oh, good ol' USoMiss. The only school in the nation that includes Drinking 101 in its Fine Arts curriculum

    (true story, it's the only school outside of Louisiana to give two days off for Mardi Gras)

    1. beavertank

      Lightweights. REAL schools require advanced alcoholism as a general. No one graduates from my state school without at LEAST six credit hours of drinking under their belt.

        1. Crank_Tango

          Somehow that must mean that we are subsidizing their tit exposure, cogito ergo sum, I deserve a copy of the sex tape.

    2. Sassomatic

      Pardon me, but do you have a problem with us getting two days off for our most important cultural ritual? Or are you one of those ignorant folk who don't realize that Mardi Gras is not actually just a week-long frat party?

        1. Sassomatic

          I have plenty, thanks. I'm one of the people who throw those things to our hoards of lovely cash-filled visitors.

          1. Sassomatic

            Ah well, I give up. Ignorant gonna be ignorant, not matter which way they bread's buttrered.

        1. Loaded_Pants

          They used to. But ya' know the Klan has gotten with the modern times & allows them to be members now.

          1. FROTHY

            Well … only teh WHITE ones.

            (Hugs the Loaded one fondly) I'm still out here and will be for another month. But at least I finally got a decent fucking InterNETZ, even if it only lets me comment when everybody's snoring in bed.

    3. GOPCrusher

      The basketball head coach, Larry Eustachy, was the head coach of my Alma Mater until a picture surfaced of him enjoying some Natty Lights with some coeds on campus in Columbia, MO. after Iowa State had defeated the Mizzou Tigers.

    4. Sassomatic

      Meh. Long have I loved my Wonkette, but if the standards of comedy are going to rest on disparaging of my local joie de vivre and cultural not-a-damn-giving, then perhaps my spirit doesn't quite fit. I can attack those of mean spirt all day, but when those of us who just want to have a good time and enjoy life, in the spirit of Epicurus, become targets of vitriol, I question my place in the commentariat.

  8. Baconzgood

    I know that this in no way reflects upon me, but for some reason I'm ashamed to live in Pittsburgh.

    1. poncho_pilot

      wouldn't it be nice if we could one day deport people to Mississippi? "back to the bronze age with you, Cletus."

  9. SorosBot

    Sigh. Here I go through all the effort I can to ignore the stupid unpaid minor league basketball tournament, when the world keeps trying to force me to pay attention and tell me there's something wrong with me for not giving a shit, and now here it's infecting the Wonkette too.

      1. SorosBot

        If I ever had to fill one of those out, I'd just randomly stick teams on there, having no clue about any of them. Does that make me unAmerican?

        1. MissTaken

          No, that doesn't make you unAmerican. Being a single, no car owning, person who takes public transportation is why you're unAmerican.

          1. SorosBot

            And I suppose living in an urban apartment, being a college graduate and not believing in the whole Jesus thing doesn't help. And hmm, except for the no car thing you fit all those criteria too, you unAmerican dirty commie.

          2. Loaded_Pants

            Neither of you hate the gays enough. Therefore, you're both gay Muslim lovin' commie Nazis who hate America.

    1. Rotundo_

      The only reason *anyone* pays any attention to this shit is gambling on the games. If there wasn't money on it you could hold these games in a fucking high school gym. It would be like horse racing without betting-would anyone watch it if they didn't have money on it? At the Kentucky Derby you can people watch, but at a regular horserace it is almost as stimulating as going to a casino.

  10. Tommy1733

    And just think – 60% of those kids doing the chanting are on their way to becoming atheists. Makes you think.

  11. Local_Mojo

    When I was at Mississippi State in 1971, the homecoming king was African-American.

    The great Babe McCarthy snuck the MSU team out of the state so they could play in the 63 NCAAs against integrated teams.

    MSU had the first Black head football coach in the SEC.

    USM band kids doing something stupid? I am stunned!

  12. prommie

    I chanted at Charles Barkely, in college. He was known as "Where's The Beef Barkely" then. I was wearing an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. . . .

  13. Sassomatic

    Gawd that is stupid. They should have been chanting "Donde es tu carte verde?" As everyone knows Puerto Ricans speak not a word of English, by law.

    1. Local_Mojo

      Burn down houses in the poorest state in the country, one with a heart-breaking number of women, children, and families at risk? That should certainly make things better.

    2. Loaded_Pants

      If North hadn't done it, the Confederacy would have done it themselves. Like they did here in Richmond.

  14. Chichikovovich

    You would have thought Southern Miss fans would be more appreciative – Puerto Ricans in Puerto Rico are the good kind of Hispanic American citizens. They can't vote.

    But it's no harm no foul**, as Rick Santorum was quick to point out, because the K-State player couldn't understand what they said.

    **Notice how smoothly the basketball phrase is incorporated into this comment on a basketball related story. That's some Mitt Romney like smoothness right there.

  15. Local_Mojo

    Uh, the basketball team is black.

    Lots of kids in the band are black.

    And the narrative goes how?

      1. Local_Mojo

        Assholery knows not race, class, gender, faith, nor regional boundaries. I take great comfort in that.

    1. Negropolis

      Wait, so black people can't be racist and classless?

      It doesn't matter who the fuck is doing it; it's stupid. That's the point.

  16. Guppy

    From the comments:

    "I just want to say that, as a student of Southern Miss, this is NOT representative of the university as a whole!"

    Why on earth would anybody assume that a bunch of students that the school has put distinctive uniforms on and literally parades in front of TV cameras actually represent the school?

      1. Guppy

        Yes, I'm sure the basketball team is the finest that scholarship money can buy, regardless of race. But we're talking about the band, the ironically-named "Pride of Mississippi."

        The basketball team has many fathers, but the band is an orphan?

  17. Beowoof

    Folks from Mississippi saying racist shit? Why I don't know what to think about this irony.

  18. Antispandex

    You guys don't get it. At Southern Miss, that is considered polite. I mean it's not like they called him a spick…to his face.

  19. flamingpdog

    Can we just frickin' finally go ahead and make Puerto Rico a state, and then make Mississhitti a territory? And make Spanish the official language of Mississhitti.
    Saves on new flags, too, also.

  20. Negropolis

    Stay klassy, Mississippuh.

    Honestly, this is fucking disgraceful, and the band, no less. You expect stupid shit from random fans, but the band? Are you fucking kidding me?!

  21. RoYuLiMa

    To be honest the chanting only shows how ignorant they are. They don't know that Puertoricans are American Citizens. They don't know that more Puertoricans have died defending our democracy that people born in the State of Mississipi. To begin the 65th Infantry was completaly Puertorican.
    Besides, must Puerto Ricans know English and Spanish. They all might not be balance bilinguals, but in the United States must people aren't.

Comments are closed.