WONKETTE SPORTS  4:27 pm March 15, 2012

College Kids Demand To See U.S. Citizen’s Green Card While He’s Playing Basketball

by Jim Newell

Let’s put politics aside for a minute and enjoy the beginning of America’s greatest annual springtime intercollegiate athletic competition, March Madness. Things got off to a thrilling start today: “During their school’s NCAA Tournament game against Kansas State University today, members of the Southern Mississippi University band chanted, ‘Where’s your green card?’ at a Puerto Rican Kansas State player.” [Think Progress]

 
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{ 172 comments }

evan7257 March 15, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Have we learned nothing from the lesson of West Side Story?!

nounverb911 March 15, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Don't bring a knife to a gun fight?

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Don't date a Nuyoricana?

JustPixelz March 15, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Athletic modern dance is the best way to resolve our differences?

beavertank March 15, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Gang membership requires at least three years of modern dance and two of jazz tap?

Guppy March 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

I thought that was the lesson of Guys and Dolls

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Bloods and Crips? Kill a rival

Sharks and Jets? Straddle jump one

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Redub Natalie Wood's singing voice?

Doktor StrangeZoom March 15, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Don't expect Officer Krupke to clear up your internecine squabbles?

FakaktaSouth March 15, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Something about snapping? Lots of snapping. I am musical ig'nant. I apologize.

prommie March 15, 2012 at 4:51 pm

There's a place for us?

a_pink_poodle March 15, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Everything's free in America?

evan7257 March 15, 2012 at 4:56 pm

For a small fee in America! [dance break 8 bars]

a_pink_poodle March 15, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Step step pivot turn…

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 4:58 pm

If you meet a girl named Maria, suddenly that name will never be the same? To meeeeeeeeeeeeeee……

themcwow March 15, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I feel pretty

Guppy March 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Oh so pretty?

FlownOver March 15, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Oh, so pretty, and witty, and LGBT

starfanglednut March 15, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Yeah!

Negropolis March 16, 2012 at 1:43 am

Fay?

FROTHY March 16, 2012 at 5:29 am

Totally.

Barb March 15, 2012 at 4:29 pm

They should change the name of the state to Missasloppy.

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Or Missichuggy

JustPixelz March 15, 2012 at 4:39 pm

How was vacation? I assume you walked to save money due to Obama's high gas prices that he could lower to $2.50/gallon with the stroke of a pen and an icy stare at certain Saudi kings. But I digress.

Did these "college students" really expect someone from Puerto Rico who is going to diversity haven Kansas State to hable inglés? That tells us all we need to know about academic standards in Missasloppy. (I assume their SAT scores are calculated during senior year duck-duck-goose games.)

Barb March 15, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Vacation was wonderful, thanks for asking.

prommie March 15, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Didja get some? Or are you healed up enough?

Barb March 15, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Nah, I am still on a sausage-free diet, according to my zorch doctor. I have an appointment at 8 A.M. to see if I am healing internally. It's going to be another 2 weeks before I can play "escaped convict and warden's wife" again. I'm hoping that Jeff has a fetish for 12 inch scars. Just kidding, my husband is the most loving, patient, thoughtful, caring and awesome person I've ever met.

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Mississucky

nounverb911 March 15, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Classy!

SorosBot March 15, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I think you mean KKKlassy.

nounverb911 March 15, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Damn, spellcheck strikes again.

Allmighty_Manos March 15, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Kansas State's response: where's your front teeth?

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Teeth?

Toof, you mean.

MaxNeanderthal March 15, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Or any teeth at all..?

Loaded_Pants March 15, 2012 at 5:34 pm

In Mississippi, they just have hardened gums from chewing the cheesy grits.

anniegetyerfun March 15, 2012 at 4:31 pm

This is just one more excuse for me to despise every sport.

Maman March 15, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I never get them… I didn't go to sporty college

SorosBot March 15, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Hey, my college were NCAA basketball champions my senior year! That is, champion of their – um, whatever they call the grouping of teams that play each other in college basketball is – in division 3. Nobody gave a shit; and in fact the fact that nobody at my school gave a shit about the sports teams was one of the big factors in deciding to go there.

Chillatte March 15, 2012 at 5:02 pm

And despise Mississippi. I still can't believe they have Universities down there.

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Yeah, where do they get high school graduates?…

Swampgas_Man March 15, 2012 at 5:53 pm

This is why the only sport I follow is Women's Professional Wrestling.

starfanglednut March 15, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I don't care about sports in the slightest. I'm just happy whenever a football team crushes that twerp Tebow.

4TheTurnstiles March 15, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Last I checked, Kansas has yet to declare itself un-American and fight a war over it. Ergo: this kid from Manhattan is more American than your fat Piggly Wiggly ass, Hattiesburg.

Studebaker Hawk March 15, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Your move, University of Alabama band…

DarwinianDemon March 15, 2012 at 4:39 pm

This means Arizona State will have to actually storm the floor with pitchforks and torches to remain top seed.

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Wait til the Final Four: there's plans to erect an electrified fence at half court.

beavertank March 15, 2012 at 4:46 pm

And thus it turns into Space Jam and the Loony Toons will clinch their come from behind victory, confounding sports bookies everywhere.

tunamelt March 15, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Having been in a collegiate marching band at various NCAA tournaments, this is actually fairly tame for what gets yelled by a bunch of drunken idiots with no hand/eye coordination to speak of.

FakaktaSouth March 15, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I will concur – the BIGGEST drankers I ever knew were in the band here – I MEAN DUUURRRUUUUUNNNNKKKSS. But could still tote a tuba or whatnot in formation, in WOOL uniforms, in August, in Alabama. Pretty impressive. Less so in a rugby on the side of a basketball game being racist.

Negropolis March 16, 2012 at 1:46 am

But, the actual bands are supposed to be classy and highly disciplined. The fans? Not so much, but the bands are supposed to be examples, at least while on the field or in the stands. After that, though, they are allowed to let their freak-flags fly.

Come here a minute March 15, 2012 at 4:34 pm

You can only imagine what they had to say to the sluts of the cheerleading squad.

bumfug March 15, 2012 at 4:34 pm

People in Mississippi are racist fools – stop the presses!

MaxNeanderthal March 15, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Yeah, the clue is in the words "Southern" and "Mississippi". I'm south therefore I'm bigot…..

CrunchyKnee March 15, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Sure, but the Southern Mississippi University band only consists of a 30 year old freshman playing the jug and his cousin girlfriend playing the banjo.

chicken_thief March 15, 2012 at 4:59 pm

"The jug" or her jugs?

YasserArraFeck March 15, 2012 at 5:06 pm

"The jug" is on his knee. Her "jugs" are on the floor.

Loaded_Pants March 15, 2012 at 6:04 pm

In that case, his cousin girlfriend would have also been his great-grandmother.

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 7:40 pm

It's all been studied and set to music….fyi: lyrics to "I am My Own Grandpaw"…

AbandonHope March 15, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Ahem… SISTER girlfriend.

Baconzgood March 15, 2012 at 4:37 pm

They DO go to SMU. How the hell would they know Puerto Rican people are american citizens?

FakaktaSouth March 15, 2012 at 4:52 pm

So did Brett Favre. So I figure that means they ALL have 4 inch dicks, and this is why they act this way.

Callyson March 15, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Four? If the photo on Deadspin is accurate, Favre is lucky if he's got three full inches…

FakaktaSouth March 15, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I stand corrected, absolutely – I saw the same deadspin "spread" (that poor girl) I was just going by that joke on Tosh (I think) about them adding the inches symbol to his number 4 jersey. He is obviously very proud of that pitiful thing, that's for sure.

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Aw, quit picking on the brain-damaged….

FakaktaSouth March 15, 2012 at 4:37 pm

I had KState on my bracket anyway. Suck it, Southern Miss Golden Eagles – what, was AMERICA'S eagle not good enough for you Commies?

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 4:40 pm

But Beck told them to buy GOLD! GOLD!

prommie March 15, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Sigh

FakaktaSouth March 15, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Oh lord, did you take SoMiss?

prommie March 15, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Oh, please, as if.

bitchincamaro2 March 15, 2012 at 4:38 pm

13 points and 4 assists, for the win. How's that for a green card?

YasserArraFeck March 15, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I'm pretty sure the Spanish for "green card" is "FUCK YOU MISSISSIPPI"

FROTHY March 16, 2012 at 5:34 am

Especially among Teh Brownz whose people have lived in this country way longer than all them Piggrimz, if you get my drift.

edgydrifter March 15, 2012 at 4:38 pm

M-I-S-S-I-S-S-A-N-T-H-R-O-P-I-S-T

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Oh, good ol' USoMiss. The only school in the nation that includes Drinking 101 in its Fine Arts curriculum

(true story, it's the only school outside of Louisiana to give two days off for Mardi Gras)

beavertank March 15, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Lightweights. REAL schools require advanced alcoholism as a general. No one graduates from my state school without at LEAST six credit hours of drinking under their belt.

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Yea, but that's the engineering degree. Fine Arts usually has the potheads. But not SoMiss! No no! It's beer or GTFO!

Crank_Tango March 15, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Somehow that must mean that we are subsidizing their tit exposure, cogito ergo sum, I deserve a copy of the sex tape.

starfanglednut March 15, 2012 at 8:57 pm

No FAIR! Here in MA, I had advanced alcoholism, and I flunked out.

Sassomatic March 15, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Pardon me, but do you have a problem with us getting two days off for our most important cultural ritual? Or are you one of those ignorant folk who don't realize that Mardi Gras is not actually just a week-long frat party?

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 5:08 pm

You wan' beads?

Sassomatic March 15, 2012 at 5:11 pm

I have plenty, thanks. I'm one of the people who throw those things to our hoards of lovely cash-filled visitors.

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Who you calling a whoar?

Sassomatic March 16, 2012 at 2:47 am

Ah well, I give up. Ignorant gonna be ignorant, not matter which way they bread's buttrered.

Guppy March 15, 2012 at 5:17 pm

I thought they hanged Catholics around those parts.

Loaded_Pants March 15, 2012 at 5:37 pm

They used to. But ya' know the Klan has gotten with the modern times & allows them to be members now.

FROTHY March 16, 2012 at 5:36 am

Well … only teh WHITE ones.

(Hugs the Loaded one fondly) I'm still out here and will be for another month. But at least I finally got a decent fucking InterNETZ, even if it only lets me comment when everybody's snoring in bed.

starfanglednut March 15, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Show us your tits!

Negropolis March 16, 2012 at 1:50 am

The truth done did hurt, now dun'nit?

GOPCrusher March 15, 2012 at 5:29 pm

The basketball head coach, Larry Eustachy, was the head coach of my Alma Mater until a picture surfaced of him enjoying some Natty Lights with some coeds on campus in Columbia, MO. after Iowa State had defeated the Mizzou Tigers.

Sassomatic March 16, 2012 at 2:56 am

Meh. Long have I loved my Wonkette, but if the standards of comedy are going to rest on disparaging of my local joie de vivre and cultural not-a-damn-giving, then perhaps my spirit doesn't quite fit. I can attack those of mean spirt all day, but when those of us who just want to have a good time and enjoy life, in the spirit of Epicurus, become targets of vitriol, I question my place in the commentariat.

Baconzgood March 15, 2012 at 4:39 pm

I know that this in no way reflects upon me, but for some reason I'm ashamed to live in Pittsburgh.

YasserArraFeck March 15, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Something in the Western Pennsyltucky air brings out the yob in some people

buffalogal March 15, 2012 at 8:47 pm

You don't have to be ashamed about this … but about that governor of yours ….

Mumbletypeg March 15, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Right on, Mississip'! Keeping the WTF in Winning The Future~

Chillatte March 15, 2012 at 4:40 pm

K-State vs KKK-State.

JustPixelz March 15, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Mississippi seceded. We could ask the same of their citizenship status.

poncho_pilot March 15, 2012 at 6:09 pm

wouldn't it be nice if we could one day deport people to Mississippi? "back to the bronze age with you, Cletus."

SorosBot March 15, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Sigh. Here I go through all the effort I can to ignore the stupid unpaid minor league basketball tournament, when the world keeps trying to force me to pay attention and tell me there's something wrong with me for not giving a shit, and now here it's infecting the Wonkette too.

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Conforrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm! CONforrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm! CONFORRRRRRRRRRRRRRM!!!

MissTaken March 15, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Where's your long form bracket?

SorosBot March 15, 2012 at 4:51 pm

If I ever had to fill one of those out, I'd just randomly stick teams on there, having no clue about any of them. Does that make me unAmerican?

MissTaken March 15, 2012 at 4:54 pm

No, that doesn't make you unAmerican. Being a single, no car owning, person who takes public transportation is why you're unAmerican.

SorosBot March 15, 2012 at 5:15 pm

And I suppose living in an urban apartment, being a college graduate and not believing in the whole Jesus thing doesn't help. And hmm, except for the no car thing you fit all those criteria too, you unAmerican dirty commie.

bagofmice March 15, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Metro libel!

dinkybossetti March 16, 2012 at 11:20 am

That's exactly how I win in my family's tournament-bracket-nonsense-games EVERY YEAR!

Rotundo_ March 15, 2012 at 5:54 pm

The only reason *anyone* pays any attention to this shit is gambling on the games. If there wasn't money on it you could hold these games in a fucking high school gym. It would be like horse racing without betting-would anyone watch it if they didn't have money on it? At the Kentucky Derby you can people watch, but at a regular horserace it is almost as stimulating as going to a casino.

Tommy1733 March 15, 2012 at 4:42 pm

And just think – 60% of those kids doing the chanting are on their way to becoming atheists. Makes you think.

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Which is more than we can say for that marching band.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 15, 2012 at 4:50 pm

We don't want 'em.

Baconzgood March 15, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I don't think So Miss is a "College" in the traditional sense.

Guppy March 15, 2012 at 5:18 pm

If they could be made to think, would they be going to college in Mississippi?

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Indoctrination, it's not just for college, anymore….ask Rick….

FROTHY March 16, 2012 at 5:39 am

If only it would make THEM think.

BTWBFDIMHO March 15, 2012 at 4:43 pm

And Puerto Ricans have US passports…

GOPCrusher March 15, 2012 at 5:31 pm

And Rick Santorum just told them to speak English.

FROTHY March 16, 2012 at 5:39 am

Instead of that ghetto language they all speak.

Rotundo_ March 15, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I would try to pass as Columbian or Cuban if I were traveling overseas these days.

prommie March 15, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Directional schools, come on. The poor things.

Chillatte March 15, 2012 at 4:43 pm

According to Santorum, the Constitution requires all Puerto Ricans to get Green Cards.

hagajim March 15, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Good old Southern Mississtupidity.

BarackMyWorld March 15, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Mississippi…last in the tournament but first in racism.

SayItWithWookies March 15, 2012 at 4:52 pm

A southern swing and a Southern Miss.

Local_Mojo March 15, 2012 at 4:52 pm

When I was at Mississippi State in 1971, the homecoming king was African-American.

The great Babe McCarthy snuck the MSU team out of the state so they could play in the 63 NCAAs against integrated teams.

MSU had the first Black head football coach in the SEC.

USM band kids doing something stupid? I am stunned!

owhatever March 15, 2012 at 4:52 pm

So Miss fans go home now. Your sisters are lonely.

metamarcisf March 15, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I know a boat they can get on…

BornInATrailer March 15, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Fucking Sea Mexicans, what country are they a territory of?

donner_froh March 15, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Why were they shouting at him? Rick Santorum said that Puerto Ricans don't know words in English.

WhatTheHeck March 15, 2012 at 4:57 pm

USM show us your humanity.

HippieEsq March 15, 2012 at 4:59 pm

This guy's CANADIAN….. GET HIM BOYZ
http://espn.go.com/mens-college-basketball/player

OneYieldRegular March 15, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Was this coordinated with the Santorum campaign?

prommie March 15, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I chanted at Charles Barkely, in college. He was known as "Where's The Beef Barkely" then. I was wearing an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. . . .

Sassomatic March 15, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Gawd that is stupid. They should have been chanting "Donde es tu carte verde?" As everyone knows Puerto Ricans speak not a word of English, by law.

ingloriousbytch March 15, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Clearly Sherman shouldn't have stopped the burning at Atlanta.

*grabs gas can*

Local_Mojo March 15, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Burn down houses in the poorest state in the country, one with a heart-breaking number of women, children, and families at risk? That should certainly make things better.

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 7:48 pm

They're just sluts….

Loaded_Pants March 15, 2012 at 6:03 pm

If North hadn't done it, the Confederacy would have done it themselves. Like they did here in Richmond.

Negropolis March 16, 2012 at 1:55 am

If the burning sensation lasts more than four hours, call your general.

CommieLibunatic March 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

America is exceptional, alright.

WIDTAP March 15, 2012 at 5:15 pm

< /snark >

Southern MS President Dr. Martha Saunders issues apology and promises disciplinary action.

< snark >

Obviously another elitist degreed college type who has been indoctrinated by Obama.

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Check your link

CapnFatback March 15, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Well, he can't edit it now, can he?

Chichikovovich March 15, 2012 at 5:17 pm

You would have thought Southern Miss fans would be more appreciative – Puerto Ricans in Puerto Rico are the good kind of Hispanic American citizens. They can't vote.

But it's no harm no foul**, as Rick Santorum was quick to point out, because the K-State player couldn't understand what they said.

**Notice how smoothly the basketball phrase is incorporated into this comment on a basketball related story. That's some Mitt Romney like smoothness right there.

starfanglednut March 15, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Are you friends with any baseball team owners?

Local_Mojo March 15, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Uh, the basketball team is black.

Lots of kids in the band are black.

And the narrative goes how?

ingloriousbytch March 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Sadly we can be assholes too.

Local_Mojo March 15, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Assholery knows not race, class, gender, faith, nor regional boundaries. I take great comfort in that.

Loaded_Pants March 15, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Good to know that it's not limited to Pale-Americans.

Negropolis March 16, 2012 at 1:57 am

Wait, so black people can't be racist and classless?

It doesn't matter who the fuck is doing it; it's stupid. That's the point.

ManchuCandidate March 15, 2012 at 5:18 pm

SMU can carry on like wayward sons all they want because they're now dust in the wind.

Losers in b-ball and in reason.

Jukesgrrl March 15, 2012 at 6:51 pm

I see what you did there.

MosesInvests March 15, 2012 at 11:19 pm

And they've reached the point of know return.

fuflans March 15, 2012 at 5:19 pm

my cats are smarter than the state of mississippi.

(any present company excepted)

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Did you just call my cat "dumb"?

Guppy March 15, 2012 at 5:39 pm

From the comments:

"I just want to say that, as a student of Southern Miss, this is NOT representative of the university as a whole!"

Why on earth would anybody assume that a bunch of students that the school has put distinctive uniforms on and literally parades in front of TV cameras actually represent the school?

Local_Mojo March 15, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Uh, you were clever enough to look at the basketball team before you wrote this?

Guppy March 15, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Yes, I'm sure the basketball team is the finest that scholarship money can buy, regardless of race. But we're talking about the band, the ironically-named "Pride of Mississippi."

The basketball team has many fathers, but the band is an orphan?

ttommyunger March 15, 2012 at 6:07 pm

I am shocked, I tell you, SHOCKED! (Clutches pearls, swoons).

DrunkIrishman March 15, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Rick Santorum approves.

Tundra Grifter March 15, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Why were they chanting in English?

The_Trainman March 15, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Angel Rodriguez is my hero. Respect.

Jukesgrrl March 15, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Mississippi and Kansas have universities?

Beowoof March 15, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Folks from Mississippi saying racist shit? Why I don't know what to think about this irony.

Antispandex March 15, 2012 at 7:09 pm

You guys don't get it. At Southern Miss, that is considered polite. I mean it's not like they called him a spick…to his face.

flamingpdog March 15, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Can we just frickin' finally go ahead and make Puerto Rico a state, and then make Mississhitti a territory? And make Spanish the official language of Mississhitti.
Saves on new flags, too, also.

DerrickWildcat March 15, 2012 at 9:42 pm

If this can believed, The University of Southern Mississippi fans are even worse.

Negropolis March 16, 2012 at 1:34 am

Stay klassy, Mississippuh.

Honestly, this is fucking disgraceful, and the band, no less. You expect stupid shit from random fans, but the band? Are you fucking kidding me?!

RoYuLiMa March 16, 2012 at 10:04 pm

To be honest the chanting only shows how ignorant they are. They don't know that Puertoricans are American Citizens. They don't know that more Puertoricans have died defending our democracy that people born in the State of Mississipi. To begin the 65th Infantry was completaly Puertorican.
Besides, must Puerto Ricans know English and Spanish. They all might not be balance bilinguals, but in the United States must people aren't.

Sassomatic March 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Ur mom.

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 5:15 pm

She's got plenty of beads, but thanks.

Loaded_Pants March 15, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Neither of you hate the gays enough. Therefore, you're both gay Muslim lovin' commie Nazis who hate America.

FROTHY March 16, 2012 at 5:38 am

You two are SO cute when you're making kissy-kissy on Teh InnerNETZ.

starfanglednut March 15, 2012 at 9:01 pm

So true. And sb loves women, and mt is not self loathing, so they're right out.

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