DEAR PENTHOUSE FORUM  10:10 am March 15, 2012

Rick Santorum Now Coming for Your Porn

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Know it when I see itIt seems that Rick Santorum has found time in his busy schedule of condemning “radical” women for working outside the home and using birth control, and nagging English-speaking Puerto Ricans to speak English, and now is turning his hot, penetrating gaze to manfolk-bizness. Yup. Ol’ Smegma Lips is now coming for your porn.
From RickSantorum.com:

Current federal “obscenity” laws prohibit distribution of hardcore (obscene) pornography on the Internet, on cable/satellite TV, on hotel/motel TV, in retail shops and through the mail or by common carrier. Rick Santorum believes that federal obscenity laws should be vigorously enforced. “If elected President, I will appoint an Attorney General who will do so.”

The Obama Administration has turned a blind eye to those who wish to preserve our culture from the scourge of pornography and has refused to enforce obscenity laws. While the Obama Department of Justice seems to favor pornographers over children and families, that will change under a Santorum Administration.

Soooo, all y’all are just peaches and cream with that, right bubba? Right? [RickSantorum.com]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 203 comments }

ManchuCandidate March 15, 2012 at 10:13 am

Rick, the only way you will get my porn is from my cold dead hands.

teebob2000 March 15, 2012 at 10:15 am

I was thinking more like, from my furiously pounding fist.

Tundra Grifter March 15, 2012 at 11:05 am

teebob2000:

Each to his own, but wouldn't your porn be in your other hand?

Unless you use an overlapping golf grip.

SorosBot March 15, 2012 at 11:06 am

Once you hit play there's no real need to use your hand for the porn, unless you want to skip ahead to the good parts. But that's just a quick mouse click.

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 10:23 am

"cold, dead, sweaty hands…" Fixed….

dijetlo March 15, 2012 at 10:48 am

"cold, dead, sweaty sticky hands…"

Allmighty_Manos March 15, 2012 at 11:03 am

highly calloused hands

Omophagist March 15, 2012 at 11:09 am

You gotta defend your rights through any means necessary. It's like that old poem.

"First they came for the horse porn, and I said nothing b/c I was not into horse porn. Then they came for the milf over 40 porn, and I said nothing b/c I was not into milf over 40 porn. Then they came for white chicks/black cock porn, and I said nothing b/c I was not into white chicks/black cock porn. Then they came for my hot coed lesbian scissoring porn, and there was no one left to speak for me."

Native_of_SL_UT March 15, 2012 at 11:18 am

As long as they don't come for the midget porn. We have to stick to midget porn at work because it uses only half the bandwidth.

Beetagger March 15, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Utah high speed internet is a joke, am I right?

redarmyzombie March 15, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Dear Mr. Frothy,

The only way you'll be getting my porn is if you pry it from my cold, wet hands!

ChernobylSoup March 15, 2012 at 10:14 am

Ed Meese is on the way. He's faster than a speeding face shot, more powerful than a train line…

ChernobylSoup March 15, 2012 at 10:23 am

Oh, c'mon! Meese? Attorney General? Anti-porn?

Does Wonkette have an old folks version kind of like the kids have their "mobile" version?

UW8316154 March 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

Those who don't remember the past are doomed to repeat it.

I hated Meese in the 80's. That makes me an Old, doesn't it?

FROTHY March 15, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Pretty much, dood. Welcome to the ranks of the Oldz.

SorosBot March 15, 2012 at 10:33 am

Well some of us old folk know who Meese and other Reagan era officials were because we read Bloom County when we were kids.

cheetojeebus March 15, 2012 at 10:36 am

I'm so dang old I remember Bloom County when it was Academia Waltz.

Grief_Lessons March 15, 2012 at 10:39 am

And MAD Magazine. I didn't know much about Caspar Weinberger's politics, but i knew he had a funny name.

CthuNHu March 15, 2012 at 3:59 pm

That rhymed with "jasper wine and sugar," as I recall.

FROTHY March 15, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Babycakes, you're about half my age and don't even remember Barbarella, which was all I had for porn as a teen.

Chichikovovich March 15, 2012 at 10:51 am

Listen, whippersnapper – I'll have you know that Ed Meese went after porn as hard as Thomas Dewey went after New York crime syndicates.

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 10:52 am

But not half as hard as Teddy went after monopolies.

Now where's my onion? I have to go out.

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 10:34 am

Ashcroft would have been funnier.

ChernobylSoup March 15, 2012 at 10:41 am

But Ashcroft didn't have a whole anti-porn commission named after him! See, Edwin Meese III was from…

Ah, forget it.

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 11:31 am

Yup – just get off my damn lawn….

Pop_Socket March 15, 2012 at 11:02 am

Time to cover those statues again. Nothing gets a fundie's blood flowing like a half-nekkid Lady of Justice.

LesBontemps March 15, 2012 at 10:15 am

Nothing worse than Santorum in your porn.

FROTHY March 15, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Uh … (vomits)

arduinohacker March 15, 2012 at 10:16 am

Funny, but the bible-belt states seem to be the ones with the HUGE and very busy porn superstores.

Just sayin'

SorosBot March 15, 2012 at 10:23 am

Because they're too stupid to know the internet means no one has to pay for porn anymore.

DaRooster March 15, 2012 at 10:43 am

What do you think Sundays are for?

To rest.

proudgrampa March 15, 2012 at 12:26 pm

The biggest consumers of online adult entertainment live in Utah. An average of 5.47 people per 1000 broadband subscribers pay for porn here.

Utah is also the state with the highest rate of anti-depression drug use in the country.

I love the smell of cognitive dissonance in the morning.

FROTHY March 15, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Back when I was working on domestic violence/child abuse issues, Utah was also the state with the highest incidence of both.

FNMA March 15, 2012 at 10:16 am

This "campaign" is some kind of weird performance art thing, like an Andy Kauffman kind of thing, isn't it?
I mean, what's next? Bringing back the 18th Amendment?

Grief_Lessons March 15, 2012 at 10:42 am

At some point Santorum is going to rip off his face and sweater vest, like the villain at the end of a Scooby-Doo episode, and reveal that he's been Andy Kauffman all along.

At least we can dream.

deelzebub March 15, 2012 at 2:39 pm

what's next? Bringing back the 18th Amendment?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

mookwrthwilson March 15, 2012 at 10:16 am

First they came for the communists…

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 10:33 am

For, or in?

*crossing fingers*

Chichikovovich March 15, 2012 at 10:53 am

But all they found were bank-friendly centrist Democrats that Fox news called "communists".

Gleem McShineys March 15, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Communist porn? So, lots of "sharing of resources" I am guessing you mean massive group sex, or bukkake?

Also that would be on the communists.

DaRooster March 15, 2012 at 10:18 am

"…federal obscenity laws should be vigorously enforced."

I just got done vigorously enforcing my own obscenity …

(laws)

chascates March 15, 2012 at 10:19 am

Out of my cold, sticky hands.

freakishlywrong March 15, 2012 at 10:20 am

This horseshit has to stop as well. Also. Too.

DaRooster March 15, 2012 at 10:21 am

Obama's DOJ took away my online poker… now all I have is pornin' it up.

Judith_Priest April 1, 2012 at 12:54 am

I think Bush's DOJ took away your online poker.

My spouse is an Online Poker Addict who misses it terribly. I just checked with him.
Yeah. That happened under Bush's watch.

Baconzgood March 15, 2012 at 10:21 am

I find this difficult to masterbate to.

Judith_Priest April 1, 2012 at 12:54 am

If you can't spell "masturbation", you shouldn't be allowed to do it!

Just remember: "Masturbation! It's all about … u!" ;->

grex1949 March 15, 2012 at 10:22 am

Santorum's porn stash discovered in 3, 2, 1…

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 10:30 am

It's on his laptop. The password is Creamcup

Doktor StrangeZoom March 15, 2012 at 10:44 am

Oh, "porn stash"…with 2 words…I thought you meant this.

SorosBot March 15, 2012 at 10:23 am

"While the Obama Department of Justice seems to favor pornographers over children and families, that will change under a Santorum Administration. "

Huh? This doesn't even make sense. Porn has nothing to do with children or families; getting rid of it will just hurt everyone who needs help getting off. Seriously, what the fuck does this even mean?

freakishlywrong March 15, 2012 at 10:24 am

It means sex is only for pro-creation. Any thing else and RICK SANTORUM DOES NOT APPROVE.

reasonbran March 15, 2012 at 10:30 am

I thought pro-creation was when you have sex with a pro. Like, you know, any woman who uses birth control.

Ramon X March 15, 2012 at 12:03 pm

No, pro-creation is the opposite of evolutionism.

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

Y'know, if you had told me even Tuesday that Pat Robertson would be the voice of reason for kink….

FROTHY March 15, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Srsly. I'm past teh head-explodey stage and deep in the bowels (so to speak) of WHATTHEFUCKery.

ManchuCandidate March 15, 2012 at 10:24 am

Rick makes it sound like the Papists though… who always want the children to, um, come onto them.

SorosBot March 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

And he is a Catholic himself, who gave Jerry Sandusky an award for his work with children – hmmm…

Doktor StrangeZoom March 15, 2012 at 10:46 am

As we know from the Chick Tract "Wounded Children," looking at straight pornography makes you gay. It also leads to an inevitable life of sin and palling around with Satan.

HarryButtle March 15, 2012 at 11:59 am

He gets to say "Obama" and "porn" and "children" in the same sentence…SCARY BLAH MAN WANTS TO PUT YOUR CHILDREN IN PORN!

LemonySnicket March 19, 2012 at 2:30 am

I work in a porn store. (seriously.) My children and family depend on my paycheck.

Why does Santorum hate my kids?

freakishlywrong March 15, 2012 at 10:23 am

Sok. We can still watch Sandra Fluke's sex videos once she posts them for Flush.

memzilla March 15, 2012 at 10:23 am

You can have my porn when you pry my cold dead hands off of… er… well, you should probably bring some disinfectant and rubber gloves. And tongs.

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

And a tube sock.

FROTHY March 15, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Wet shop vac.

chicken_thief March 15, 2012 at 10:23 am

While the Attorney General will spearhead the prosecutions, Rick himself will preview all the gay *porn* to evaluate it for any social redeeming content. With an assist from Marcus.

mrpuma2u March 15, 2012 at 10:50 am

And by assist this of course, means reach around.

emmelemm March 15, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Huh huh… you said spearhead.

elburritodeluxe March 15, 2012 at 10:23 am

Underground porn is the best porn.

Tundra Grifter March 15, 2012 at 11:06 am

That's all Andrew Breitbart has now.

forgracie March 15, 2012 at 10:24 am

Bring it Ricky. Please GOP, nominate this man so we can FINALLY have this debate–hard right evangelical fer ya or secular, reasonable governance from Obama. We'll pick up one may be two Supremes after Barry wipes the floor with Ricky and the kids have another good cry on election night.

reasonbran March 15, 2012 at 10:34 am

"Wiping the floor with Santorum" does not sound like a good idea. Well, not a sanitary one, anyway.

forgracie, you sure dragged this one up the Kink Ladder.

For sure, any video displaying it would certainly be rooted out by a Ricky DoJ. And not just for the personal embarrassment.

FROTHY March 15, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Heh heh, you said "rooted."

Serolf_Divad March 15, 2012 at 10:24 am

Let's face it: successfully banning porn in this country would probably cause an economic collapse of such magnitude that it would have us referring to the Great Depression as the "good ol' days."

But good luck with it, anyway, Rickkie…

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 10:25 am

I get it: Rick is secretly Taliban!….Gitmo time…!

sewollef March 15, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Taliban and porn… like cream cheese and lox

prommie March 15, 2012 at 10:25 am

And there is lots of commies and sedition going on on that there internet thing, too!

HempDogbane March 15, 2012 at 10:25 am

Haha! Rick Santorum already has my porn !

Swampgas_Man March 15, 2012 at 5:32 pm

HahaHA! My porn's already coverd in santorum!

Baconzgood March 15, 2012 at 10:25 am

When I vote against him….I'm going to pull the lever like I'm rubbing one off!

Pragmatist2 March 15, 2012 at 10:59 am

That's what causes dangling chads.

Sharkey March 15, 2012 at 11:05 am

Jerk it real good for me, baconz.

Mumbletypeg March 15, 2012 at 10:26 am

"…will appoint an Attorney general to do so."

Bachmann will be first in line, Ricky. It's well known Shel1y's harbored this desire to be a P0rn Czar one day.

FNMA March 15, 2012 at 10:43 am

You misspelled "star."

Mumbletypeg March 15, 2012 at 10:54 am

Glad you caught 'got it'!

BklynIlluminati March 15, 2012 at 10:26 am

Rick Santorum's platform is, I'm going take all the fun out of your life VOTE FOR ME!

Veritas78 March 15, 2012 at 11:28 am

Seriously, his political instincts are bizarre. Does he have Asperger's or Tourette's?

jodyleek March 15, 2012 at 11:48 am

He may have advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage.

FROTHY March 15, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Nah. That would absolve him of responsibility for being an unmitigated asshole. Mentally ill people do horrible, stupid, fucked-up shit because they're ill and can't help themselves. This asshole does horrible, stupid, fucked-up shit because he's an asshole.

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 10:28 am

OK, I'VE HAD IT!

I'M GETTING A GUN AND DEFENDING MY PORN!

Sharkey March 15, 2012 at 10:49 am

You fell right into Rick's trap!

Gleem McShineys March 15, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Fell Into Rick's Trap #4: SANTORUM'S NAUGHTY HOLE

Worst. Porno. Ever

Pop_Socket March 15, 2012 at 11:06 am

A Second Amendment solution to a First Amendment problem.

FakaktaSouth March 15, 2012 at 10:28 am

Once again – a thing I wish were true – how cool would the Obama Seal of Approval on your porn be for real? I mean, hey, if it's good enough for Barack and Michelle, it's good enough for me.

prommie March 15, 2012 at 11:15 am

XOXO

twoeightnine March 15, 2012 at 10:29 am

Imagine the sick, filthy porn this guy has on his computer that runs Windows 95. Probably some woman on top and if he's feeling really kinky, some doggy style.

Chet Kincaid March 15, 2012 at 10:34 am

He gets off on the Pope-defying money shots.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 15, 2012 at 11:03 am

He probably has a lot of ASCII prOn

sewollef March 15, 2012 at 1:06 pm

OK, so the Windows 95 is the kinky part, which part is the doggy style? Is that like dancehall style or straight-up dub?

Buzz Feedback March 15, 2012 at 10:30 am

Paging The Buttman …

Baconzgood March 15, 2012 at 10:30 am

You know, I gotta hand it to his wife. Could you imagine living with such a fucking douche bag prude? I mean she LIVES with this dude ALL the time! How she doesn't poision him or crush his skull while he sleeps…The woman is a saint.

BaldarTFlagass March 15, 2012 at 10:33 am

unfortunately, she's probably just as bad as him.

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 10:37 am

Sopers….valium?…. tons of gin?….

HempDogbane March 15, 2012 at 10:40 am

Especially in light of this from the Daily Mail article earlier this year:
The wife of fiercely pro-life presidential hopeful Rick Santorum had a six-year love affair with an abortion doctor, 40 years her senior – who, incredibly, delivered her as a baby – it has emerged.
Karen Santorum, 51, who, like her husband, opposes abortion even in cases of rape and doesn't believe in using birth control, lived with Pittsburgh abortion pioneer Dr Thomas E. Allen for most of her 20s in the 1980s.
When she met Dr Allen, Mrs Santorum, who then went by the name Karen Garver, was a 22-year-old nursing student who shared his liberal views on abortion and enjoyed life as the younger lover of the 63-year-old divorcee and man-about-town, according to friends."

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2087812/R

Sharkey March 15, 2012 at 11:03 am

Mad props for that.

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 11:37 am

So it's just Ricky jealousy….

hagajim March 15, 2012 at 10:31 am

I was all for (not really) the misogyny and the general treatment of the wimmin folk as second class citizens (does anyone know why they're allowed to vote?)….but I think Rick just lost my vote with this Santorum.

FJL March 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

I'm sure this has Callista in a swoon and clutching her pearl necklaces. Noot will be doubling down over this one.

sewollef March 15, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Is she cute still… I'd volunteer to clutch her pearls?

I've never heard them called that, but y'know, Whatevs right?

johnnyzhivago March 15, 2012 at 10:33 am

Next thing you know this guy is going to come out in favor of banning snarky comments on the Internet!

gullywompr March 15, 2012 at 11:30 am

And Google.

johnnyzhivago March 15, 2012 at 10:34 am

When hardcore stupidity is banned, the GOP is really going to be in trouble.

sewollef March 15, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Funny you should say that, JZ… as it's upcoming in the New York legislature — HR69. Proposed by Al Sharpton and Eliot Spitzer.

Terry March 15, 2012 at 10:35 am

"While the Obama Department of Justice seems to favor pornographers over children and families, that will change under a Santorum Administration."

Have you noticed when the GOP'ers make these kinds of statements about the Obama Administration that they never seem to list specific examples?

Swampgas_Man March 15, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Specifics are liberal.

Eve8Apples March 15, 2012 at 10:35 am

Rick's next political speech will chastise Obama for filling out a March Madness bracket and encouraging sinful gambling.

The GOP is truly delusional if it believes people will go to the polls in November and vote for a federal government that will take prohibit their contraception, porn and all their sinful thoughts or acts whatsoever.

UW8316154 March 15, 2012 at 10:41 am

Next up, a revivial of Prohibition.

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 10:59 am

BRACKETOLOGY LIBEL!!

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 10:35 am

Because the Second Amendment seems to be the only one these fucks will honor.

FROTHY March 15, 2012 at 5:14 pm

So, like … you're saying that an anal probe doesn't qualify for Second Amendment protection? What if it fired, uh, bullets?

LiveToServeYa March 15, 2012 at 10:36 am

Inevitable, as is his promise to crusade against sex shops, massage parlors, and Mother Jones.

smashedinhat March 15, 2012 at 10:36 am

And Hustler responds in 3…2…

Baconzgood March 15, 2012 at 11:02 am

That's true. Lary Flint has brought down politicians in the past.

UW8316154 March 15, 2012 at 10:37 am

Two words to strike fear and loathing in our hearts: "Santorum Administration".

Think about it.

bagofmice March 15, 2012 at 10:39 am

This is 2012. Seriously.

cheetojeebus March 15, 2012 at 10:42 am

Oh yeah, that'll happen.

chascates March 15, 2012 at 10:43 am

But will he save America from the devil music of jazz and rock-and-roll? Bring back Blue Law's that keep people out of malls on Sundays and force them back into churches? What about the scourge of profanity and naked women in movies?

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 11:40 am

Wow – Roaring 20's, here we come!!!!!….

Baconzgood March 15, 2012 at 10:44 am

I don't think so Ricky. Porn is BIG BUCKS! FREE MARKET JERKING OFF EMERICA!

Redhead March 15, 2012 at 10:46 am

This is a joke, right? Someone, somewhere (Orly Taint?), is paying these candidates to do and say these things, to see how far they get and still have people going along with it, right?

actor212 March 15, 2012 at 10:58 am

Or to make them seem less insane. Take your pick

LesBontemps March 15, 2012 at 11:00 am

I dunno. Sasha Baron Cohen got a whole bar full of people to sing along with "Throw the Jew Down the Well."

Redhead March 15, 2012 at 11:52 am

I have been saying for what, two years now? that Orly is Sasha Baron Cohen in drag.

LesBontemps March 15, 2012 at 10:47 am

Secretly?

mrpuma2u March 15, 2012 at 10:48 am

The scary thing about this would be what ISN'T porn to a zealot freak like Frothy Ricky? Heck the survivor shows would probably constitute obscene material to this doofus.

Thankfully this dope stands no chance in the ring with Barry.

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 11:42 am

Why do I envision a debate in which, after a few minutes of exchange, Ricky begins to melt into a little pool of santorum….?

Doktor StrangeZoom March 15, 2012 at 10:50 am

We need an anti-porn AG. Someone like John Ashcroft, who'll take decisive action, like covering up those naked statues in the DoJ again.

Or maybe we need a strong anti-porn AG like Ed Meese, whose commission on the dangerous effects of pornography couldn't actually find any, so it just made shit up.

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 11:42 am

Which it kind of apologized for,later, when the real polls came out….

glamourdammerung March 15, 2012 at 11:49 am

Say whatever you want about Meese. But he was pretty good about looking the other way regarding giving Iranian terrorists weapons, funding death squads in Central America, and other petty, trivial issues.

Sharkey March 15, 2012 at 10:52 am

New Poll: Santorum Surges on Porno Scourge

Doktor StrangeZoom March 15, 2012 at 10:53 am

I want to watch the reaction if Santorum promises to crack down on rentboys.

Yes, I said rentboys, Santorum, and crack. What of it?

Studebaker Hawk March 15, 2012 at 10:56 am

Finally–a candidate who promises to pursue criminal actions against the bankers (albeit spank bankers). I just hope the charges stick.

Sharkey March 15, 2012 at 10:58 am

I only like the softcore stuff anyway.

iburl March 15, 2012 at 11:01 am

Santorum for Mullah!

Doktor StrangeZoom March 15, 2012 at 11:02 am

Yes. And to the Christian Taliban, that's pretty much an accurate description of our sad, fallen, demon-ridden nation. WAKE UP AMERICA!!!!!!!

Pop_Socket March 15, 2012 at 11:04 am

We're not?

ElPinche March 15, 2012 at 11:04 am

And he's still second to or even leading Flip Flopney? Hahahahaha…..WE'RE FUCKED.

Native_of_SL_UT March 15, 2012 at 11:06 am

After Porn is banned, the internet will have only one website left.
BringBackThePorn.com

Pop_Socket March 15, 2012 at 11:08 am

The first raid would be on Dan Savage's annual homemade porn film festival.

Tundra Grifter March 15, 2012 at 11:09 am

The phrasing "hardcore (obscene) pornography" is amusing. Like there's hardcore that isn't? Or porn that isn't both hardcore and obscene?

Just how much study has Li'l Ricky given all this?

Meanwhile, today we are all turning Japanese.

Perhaps for the last time…

James Michael Curley March 15, 2012 at 11:10 am

I hear that is the title of the next J K Rowlings book, "Hairy Palms and the Unlocked Bathroom Door."

Mapmonger March 15, 2012 at 11:13 am

"Harry Potter and the Furiously Pounding Fist"?

prommie March 15, 2012 at 11:13 am

But what about the economy, and the jerbs? Why, without vice, how many people would be out of work? The flyover red states host a huge and, to us urbane coasters, little-known industry, the truckstop-prostitution-strip-pornatoria. Where did Larry Flynt make his millions with his string of strip-clubs? It wasn't on the coasts. There are no strip clubs in New Jersey, the law prohibits nudity in places where alcohol is served, the best you can do is bikinis and lingerie. In the moral, bible-and-gun-clutchin south and middle of this country, you have gigantic strip club-meth-whorehouses along the highway truck routes. The hypocracy is rank among the goatfuckers, they have a worse problem with vice than the liberals, yet they blame us for their kinks.

Deportably_Jose March 15, 2012 at 11:27 am

I don't understand the whole fixation on idea that the mere existance of the legal, adult sorts of porn is somehow dangerous to children. Why, I even encountered random porn at the relatively young age -given that it was still marginally pre-internet- of around 10 years, and I turned out perfectly… oh, wait. Right. Liberal.

neiltheblaze March 15, 2012 at 11:27 am

Well, he just lost the white, male Republican vote. Is there anyone left to alienate now?

Deportably_Jose March 15, 2012 at 11:31 am

You know who else wanted to vigorously purge their country of "immoral" influences?

neiltheblaze March 15, 2012 at 11:33 am

Father Coughlin?

glamourdammerung March 15, 2012 at 11:35 am

Ayatollah Khomeini?

Veritas78 March 15, 2012 at 11:41 am

Mullah Omar?

glamourdammerung March 15, 2012 at 11:50 am

Did this turn into "you know what other terrorists and dictators Reagan armed"?

Doktor StrangeZoom March 15, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Omar Little and Brother Mouzone?

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 11:33 am

and your point is…?

Callyson March 15, 2012 at 11:38 am

If you outlaw all the porn, won't that make all the porn readers outlaws? When our prisons are already overcrowded?
Tell me again how you're going to cut that deficit, Sick Rantorum…?

SorosBot March 15, 2012 at 11:59 am

When porn is outlawed, only outlaws will have porn!

So in other words the entire country will be outlaws.

mavenmaven March 15, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Outlaw porn, that's when the guy with the motorbike and the bandana and the girl with the tattoos…

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 11:39 am

Um, those are Replicant radicals…in other words, the low side of the I.Q. seesaw…

WiscDad March 15, 2012 at 11:39 am

Good luck wi dat Ricky

Toomush_Infer March 15, 2012 at 11:47 am

Because Wisconsin would collapse without those great strip bars…

Manhattan123 March 15, 2012 at 11:47 am

I need to meet with Sasha Grey so we can come up with an effective counterargument to this madness. Sasha, call me.

smoothmineral March 15, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Dear Lord Jesus, please let him win the nomination and run on getting rid of all reasonable methods of obtaining hardcore porn.

DahBoner March 15, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Only if he upgrades to a hotter wife I can fap to…

Failed_2_Menace March 15, 2012 at 12:07 pm

I expect the powerful lobby of the National Crotch Rifle Association will put an end to this talk toot sweet.

MissTaken March 15, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Hail Satan!

SorosBot March 15, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Better to spank or rub it in hell then get blue balls or a frustrated clit in heaven.

MissTaken March 15, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I'm looking forward to hanging out at the local porn prohibition-era speakeasy. I suppose it will be known as the spankeasy.

Gleem McShineys March 15, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Then, it was flappers.

Now, it will be fappers.

Tundra Grifter March 15, 2012 at 4:03 pm

And bootleg lickher.

Slim_Pickins March 15, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Next he'll promise to go after Muslim tourists.

UnionAgitator March 15, 2012 at 12:37 pm

On the one hand . . .

ha ha ha

Get it??

Seriously, on the one hand porn merchants would love a massive fedgov crackdown (ha ha) on FREE PORN.

On the other hand, there is basically no actual obscenity as defined by fedgov (chicken fucking and pooping in the mouth) on the internets.

DahBoner March 15, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Why back in the day, there was no such thing as "free porn".

A man had to work long and hard to get his porn…

Boojum_Reborn March 15, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Rick Santorum = Nehemiah Scudder.

I always knew Heinlein was from the future.

a_pink_poodle March 15, 2012 at 12:57 pm

NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!

I will not sacrifice the porn. We've made too many compromises already; too many retreats. They attack our video games and we fall back. They give more power to corporations and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn HERE! THIS FAR, NO FURTHER!

And I will make them PAAAAAY for what they've done!

DahBoner March 15, 2012 at 12:58 pm

The idea of a Porno Attorney General spending Taxpayer $$$$ lookin' at porn all day is certainly obscene!

From your smegma lips to uh…God's "ears" or something…

Exhausted66 March 15, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Santorum loses Utah!

owhatever March 15, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Keep diggin' your hole, Ricky. I'm for you a million percent. Let's get you the nomination and have this fuckin' theological culture war fight once and for all. Suggest you attack the missionary position next.

snoopyfan2010 March 15, 2012 at 1:30 pm

When Santorum wins the presidency he will move the capital to the Vatican.

GOPCrusher March 15, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Probably should have taken a break to get some fluid replenishment.

OneYieldRegular March 15, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Maybe they could just cover up the naughty bits with rectangles that read "Santorum."

Gleem McShineys March 15, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Maybe this has already happened, and is the main reason behind Rick's sudden Anti-Porn movement? To prevent the video from being distributed.

IT ALL ADDS UP

Gleem McShineys March 15, 2012 at 2:16 pm

RICK SANTORUM STAMPS OUT MASTURBATING

MadBrahms March 15, 2012 at 2:23 pm

And for the first time, Rick Santorum and Andrea Dworkin found themselves on the same team.

Bonus points for using the word "scourge", which sounds like something you'd hear in The Sinister Urge.

Huevos Ocupados March 15, 2012 at 2:37 pm

When Sharia Law comes to America it will be wearing a sweater vest and carrying a fetus in a jar…

ttommyunger March 15, 2012 at 3:13 pm

But think of all the jerbs this will create! Genius!

scarface99 March 15, 2012 at 3:20 pm

go ahead frothy, outlaw masturbation!!! remember father guido sarducci came up $.35 short!

plinthic March 15, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Right, 'cuz nobody is coming up to you and asking you to save their porn, you figure nobody wants it. Such a dipshit.

FROTHY March 15, 2012 at 5:07 pm

It's beginning to sound like Richard "Dick" Santorum got paid a buncha money by RMONEY to lose this election. He's already pissed off Blahs, Catholics, wimminz, Poorz, Oldz, Mor(m)ons, Boricuas specifically and Latinos in general, atheists, Democrats, LGBTQ, and the sane. So, DICK, now it's the PornWatchersOfAmerica? I got news for you, dumbass — that would be the superset of all of the aforementioned. Have fun on your way down to oblivion, acushla. If there really IS a god, three out of your seven children will decide to come out as LGBTQ, two others will run off to join some foreign cult that espouses nude dancing and public sex, and one of the remaining two will write a horrendous "tell-all" memoir that you will spend every cent you ever made attempting to suppress — unsuccessfully, of course.

Swampgas_Man March 15, 2012 at 5:27 pm

No, no — you sit on yer hand until it loses feeling, and then it's called "The Stranger."

poncho_pilot March 15, 2012 at 5:32 pm

first they came for the porn…then they took a short nap.

FieryLocks March 16, 2012 at 1:14 am

Go ahead Mr. Ass Ooze…you'll just really piss off the majority of the republican, Bible belt livin' base since they download and purchase more porn than anyone anywhere else in the US.

justjames13 March 16, 2012 at 2:14 am

Porn is like alcohal,it's needed to releave stress and other things that keep most in line.If sex toys and porn became illeagal,that boy could get hurt by some one that is unable to get a girl friend to satisfy thier sexual desires. it would be worse than probate,garinteed!

DeathofKoalas March 16, 2012 at 10:25 am

Santorum administration… That gets me really wet.

MonkeyBiz March 16, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Rick Santorum can have my porn when he pries it from my surprisingly well moisturized hands.

valthemus March 19, 2012 at 11:40 pm

"Rick Santorum Now Coming for Your Porn"

Oh no. No, no, no. I don't think so. This WILL be your Waterloo, sir!

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