Primpy shitsack “human” “man” John Edwards, who at one point was actually the progressive choice in the 2008 primaries — and Christ, we dodged that bullet — is still putting his penis in the vagina of flakey terrible person Rielle Hunter, and according to the Daily Mail’s regurgitation of the National Enquirer, is possibly open to the idea of making yet another small human with her/the rest of America vomit out its own eyeballs. From the Daily Mail’s cadging of the work of America’s No. 1 John Edwards News Source the Enquirer:
Rielle Hunter is reportedly hoping to become pregnant before Edwards’ trial in April, after which he could be sentenced to up to 30 years in jail.
GO TO JAIL, JOHN EDWARDS! GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL!
The couple has now decided to have another baby as 48-year-old Hunter’s [GROSS] ‘biological clock is ticking loudly’, the National Enquirer reported.
‘She’s made having another baby a top priority,’ a source told the tabloid.
[...]
‘She’s in great physical shape [GROSS], so she’s hoping to get pregnant soon – if she isn’t already.’ [GROSS.]
Edwards and Hunter met in a bar in New York City in 2006, months before he hired her to work on a documentary.
To reiterate: a 48-year-old crazy person is trying to have a baby — and that shouldn’t present any problems — with the perhaps the world’s very smarmiest man, and together they form the world’s least popular couple since Dick Cheney dined alone.
Uncle, Internet. We cry uncle. We give.
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Maybe Edward's will do a Nelson Rockefeller and avoid prison all together.
"Do" a Rockefeller? Is one a judge?
Ask Megan Marshack.
But he should at least make it worth his while – go for the 23 year old coed.
Maybe she should consider adoption.
At her age, maybe she's of the mind she's going to conceive the perfect lil' girlfriend for the youngest Palin boy. And if the the two do ever get together, we're talking POLITICAL DYNASTY.
Who on Earth would adopt her?
Ugh.
Are we over this guy yet?
I still want my money back. And my innocence.
Uh, shouldn't we remember when another forty-plus lady got pregnant and the 'special baby' that was born? A fine, wonderful baby who's America's sweetheart but still.
Wait. Do you mean Jesus or Obama?
HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED! Born of the Matriarch of the Permafrost!
Grendel?
Lol, I had to edit my comment above to get it to post. I am so uncivil.
The Golem?
Steuf?
I thought we weren't supposed to make fun of r—-ds any more?
or wee tots, either, for that matter.
"they form the world’s least popular couple since Dick Cheney dined alone."
Callista & Newt
Camilla Parker-Bowles & Royal Tampon
I still think mine (noted below) beats both of your nominees
In the immortal words of Jeffrey Lebowski: "Yeah well, that's just, ya know, like, your opinion, man." But that is pretty gross.
Rick Santorum's daughter and that funny doll that's dressed just like her?
I would have thought 48 years was plenty of time to grow the fuck up, but I guess not.
P.S. Reille honey, you being knocked up and crying while being filmed by a tabloid for money as he gets hauled off to the pokey isn't going to win you any sympathy. We knew Elizabeth Edwards, we liked Elizabeth Edwards, and your skank-ass will never be Elizabeth Edwards.
"I would have thought 48 years was plenty of time to grow the fuck up, but I guess not."
In my experience, if you haven't grown up by 35, it may not happen.
We knew Elizabeth Edwards, we liked Elizabeth Edwards, and your skank-ass will never be Elizabeth Edwards.
This, times a gazillion.
Honestly, couldn't have said it better, myself.
You know, the affair in and of itself was bad enough, but how she handled it, subsequently, was down-right horrible. What could have been a story about John Edwards' own faults turned into how fucking crazy she is.
These two clowns were made for each other. I just pity the children.
False.
Also, too, you know who ELSE formed the world's least popular couple?
Nixon/Agnew?
Luke and Leia? (upon learning they were related… awkward…)
I always figured an adult version would have them having hot sex and then discovering they were brother and sister. But the sex was so great they kept it up.
LOL! [GROSS]
Siegfried und Sieglinde?
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?
Blut und Boden?
Dilitation and Curettage?
Strum und Drang?
Oh wait, I'm not supposed to answer my own thing.
Also, oh wait, that one was actually wildly popular.
The House and the Senate?
Edward Teller and Ronald Reagan?
Hey – a Huffpo link? Warn me next time, please!
I felt it necessary to effectively compound the viceral horror. Half the way you win these competitions is in the presentation, after all.
Ah, I see. In that case, Well Played, Sir/Madam/Other!
Adolf & Eva?
McCain / Palin?
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt?
Bobby & Whitney?
Too soon?
One hates to note that Rick Santorum got his wife pregnant at 48. Never underestimate the self-absorption of an AMerican politician.
He was trying to outdo Sarah & Abraham or Bonnie & Beelzebub or Amos & Andy or somebody in the Bible that was a father in old age.
There was something about it in one of those Christian comic books I saw in a bus station once.
How old was Walnuts! when he splooged out Meghan?
He's such a slut, he'd take birth control all the time if he were a woman.
i'm not a woman but i'd take birth control all the time. what does that make me?
Hormonally challenged?
But would Rush want the tape?
John Edwards is a true Family Man.
So much so, like pringles, he can't stop at just one.
Noted.
"Disgraced former presidential candidate John Edwards has reportedly decided to have another child with the woman who destroyed his marriage."
Not at all biased, are we, Daily Mail? Because as we all know, no one else was involved in the destruction of that marriage. Just Ms. Hunter.
Would you be referring to Edwards' hair or his ego?
I think it's a given that Edwards destroyed his own marriage, too.
48 year-old women are quite young to an old such as myself, and sexytime with one of them is considered quite a feat, but impregnating one is about the stupidest thing I could ever even think to do.
I'm beginning to come around on chemical castration.
It pains me to say this as a former Edwards supporter, but there's a chance that this guy is actually slimier than Newt. And that's slimey.
Does anyone else here think that the Democratic Party dodged the Big .50 cal Barrett Bullet with Kerry/Edwards?
Over bush/Cheney?
No, we got hit with that one. Twice.
And then we got Obama, Obama. Karma.
I'm fairly certain there's a Dave Matthews song that sums this up nicely, but to maintain my dignity I will not look it up.
Not looking up any Dave Matthews song preserves anybody's dignity.
WHERE'S THE OUTRAGE OVER DEMOCRAT SEX SCA—
Nevermind.
Rielle honey. Edwards had a vasectomy. I know. It's a big word, Google it.
Well I sure hope my taxpayer dollars didn't pay for it!
No, wait. I don't care who paid for it. I'd have paid for the whole thing myself.
I'd have paid to perfom it myself. Just to be sure. Just to be sure it was done thoroughly but incompetently.
Rielle just wants Two Babies for the Two Americas.
I'm all out of smarmy snark today – could Wonkette perhaps offer up another kind of awfulness, anything at all, political or even war related? It would be so refreshing….
Penis goes in, baby comes out. You just can't explain it.
-Billbo
In Tennessee, you really can't explain it, unless you want to get fined.
"I'll take 'How is babby formed?' for $200, Alex."
Edwards moved the clock to five minutes till midnight.
is this a coincidence or were you too listening to chicago's role in the development of nuclear power on wbez?
i ask because there aren't that many 'bulletin' references here.
sounds like a coincidence. i'm a big dork for end of the world stuff.
I'm waiting for Rick Santorum to decide how I should think about this.
I read that as Sick Rantorum. I really like it now.
Mitt Romney will think about it however you'd like.
Mitt Romney will think about it however
you'dthe majority of Republican voters in the district he happens to be in at the time like.Fixed.
Rick's brainette:
"Well, she's a slut… so that's bad… but she wants to poop out a babby… so that's good… but Edwards is a Democrat… so that's bad… The only possible conclusion is that *Obama is a soshulist*!"
She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive, man!
What? No conjugal visits?
So what happens, he knocks her up and when he goes to prison she collapses and the babies are left for his oldest daughter to raise like the younger two? ugh
(Sorry not at my most articulate, but I think you get what I am saying)
"Heather Has Two Assholes"
"To reiterate: a 48-year-old crazy person is trying to have a baby"
Your move, Snowbilly Grifter.
Time for Palin to (allegedly) fake another pregnancy?
Bio clock ticking at 48?!!! OK, I'm usually not outraged by this crap, but COME ON! At 48 you don't have a clock, you have an early warning device. It says, "Drop one now, and regret it the rest of your short life". You are going to be 66 f ' ing years old when the kid is out of high school! Good lord, take a biology class. If you wait until after 30, it probably isn't going to go well….and what with the Teatards cutting off funding for amnio…just sayin'.
As the parent of a kid with Down syndrome, I'm thinking "DON'T DO IT!" The risk for a child with DS is very high, and caring for such child and two outside egos at the same time is difficult. Not sure how Sarah has managed it.
I'm starting to have second thoughts about John Edwards.
I'm 49, and I have considered taking in LBGT teens who've had trouble in foster care. But pregnancy? Ummm, lemme think, ahhh NO!
Someone tell these two ancient skanks that the thought of their sexxxaytime has the whole PLANET vomiting.
Hiya FROTHY, dear! You back for awhile? I sure did miss ya!
Wonkette, thanks for caring, but please explain to me how I can have 7 windows errors when I'm running OS X?
Just download that .exe file they're pushing, and everything will be fine.
"…and together they form the world’s least popular couple since Dick Cheney dined alone."
Disagree 100%. Gonna have to go with:
John Edwards and his Hairdo
How much money do you think Edwards spends on his merkin haircuts?
I'm sure this has nothing to do with the possibilty of having an expectant mother in the mix when the sentencing hearing takes place. Nothing at all.
Actually, given what we know about her, I really don't think it has anything to do with that.
Someone tell this woman to go buy a pet, already, because that's all she really needs. No more babies for you, Rielle.
For the sake of his chilluns, can we acquit him but send his penis to prison for 30 years?
send his asshole to prison instead.
That would require a small cell. Less space. Saves money. Unless it files a lawsuit for unlimited conjugal visits, I'm all for it.
And the rest of his body?
ORAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, maybe they can get the Dave Matthews Band to play at their conjugal visits!
2 much!
He's too ill to participate in his legal defense, but he's not too ill to fuck?
What does this make this man? It makes him a slut, right?
If we're going to pay for his prison, I want to see the tapes.*
*do.not.want.
How much will the Enquirer pay for the baby pictures?
An extraordinarily handsome and smarmy man with an ordinary-looking-but-probably-smarter-than-her-husband wife? Am I the only liberal in America who thought something smelled funny in that relationship, and that it smelled a hell of a lot like Clinton? I guess so.
Rielle Hunter is Absolutely Fabulous!
Oh, great; now Callista will want one, too.
Rielle, I hope you brought enugh for the whole class.
Comment from Newt about how John Edwards is a shitbag for cheating on, and then dumping, his cancer patient wife in 3…
2…
I've always got time to hear about crazy sex.
OT: Does anyone know the story behind the Black Key's "Gold on the Ceiling"? Too me, it sounds like an ode to tripping very badly on something terrible.
How does this whole 'penis putting in' stuff work, anyway????
Being over 70 means you know two things for sure: One- you can't die young, and Two: a hard dick makes a much better servant than master. God! The things (and women) men do.
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