THE BURNING BED  3:38 pm March 14, 2012

Mummy Evangelist Pat Robertson Okays Sodomite Sexy-Time (for Hetero Marrieds)

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Belly of a whoreAw, that’s nice. Pat Robertson, who has previously assured us that abortion caused Hurricane Katrina and feminists and gays caused everything else, would like to let married straight women know God is totally chill with it if they lick, fondle, suck on, and otherwise “blow” their male husbands cocks and balls.

Everybody, please thank RightWingWatch.org for watching this travesty so we didn’t have to.

[RightWingWatch, via Wonkette operative "Charles Cates"]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 204 comments }

nounverb911 March 14, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Just as long as they don't use birth control.

LakeLucilleLoon March 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Swallowing is the most foolproof birth control available.

Chet Kincaid March 14, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Evangelical fundies only give a shit about birth control insofar as it allows unmarried teenagers to fuck like rabbits in hot, steamy contradiction to scripture on fornication. "Nobody should use any form of birth control ever" is a specifically Catholic mental disorder.

SorosBot March 14, 2012 at 4:49 pm

No, they really do want to ban birth control. And that's always been a goal of the "pro-life" anti-choice movement; they just had been better at hiding it until recently, and a lot of the feminists who warned that they were after birth control and not just abortion rights where laughed when they were totally right.

Chet Kincaid March 14, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Sorry, I think you're wrong on that, and as I've said before, I was raised in the thick of protestant evangelical fundamentalism. Now maybe they don't want the government to pay for it, and maybe they don't want schools to teach about it because it would encourage extra-marital sex, but it is not Christian doctrine among fundies that it's a sin for married people to use birth control. (Nor is it Mormon doctrine, actually.)

Iam_Who_Iam March 15, 2012 at 12:59 am

Yes but that was before they realized that with the war in Iraq and the soon to be war in Iran and whatever in the hell is going on with Israel we are now without a doubt in the End Times. So now it is the responsibility of every Christian soldier Mommy and Daddy to pop out the little soldiers as quickly as possible for God’s Army. No doubt these true believers were of a smaller minority at one time but they have spread like a bad seeping pus rash on your nether region and now are seeping their pus everywhere.

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Well … they're not SLUTS and PROSTITUTES!!!

MrFizzy March 14, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I think his new program is called "800 Facials Club".

memzilla March 14, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I do not wanna be cleaning out the collection plates there.

actor212 March 14, 2012 at 3:53 pm

What? It's not hard. You just hold the tube sock at the opening, see…

irishdave3 September 28, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I thought that was a 1-900 number?

Callyson March 14, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Suck it, Pat!
(No, not *mine*…)

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 7:55 pm

NIMBY.

Er … OK, maybe not.

memzilla March 14, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Blowjobs? Isn't this birth control? Will I have to get a prescription? Do I have to tell my employer how many I "use," so they can fire me for it?

actor212 March 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

You'll need ID to perform oral sex.

JustPixelz March 14, 2012 at 4:05 pm

However, I suggest an IUD if you perform non-Pat Robertson-style "intercourse".

slowhansolo March 14, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Pat just figured it was time to throw you gals a bone.

Baconzgood March 14, 2012 at 3:54 pm

ISWYDT

slowhansolo March 14, 2012 at 3:59 pm

#lowhangingfruit

Much like Pat's graciously-approved-for-special-attention nutsack.

Antispandex March 14, 2012 at 3:42 pm

"God is totally chill with it if they lick, fondle, suck on, and otherwise “blow” their male husbands cocks and balls."

THANK YOU JESUS!

sewollef March 15, 2012 at 9:06 am

Question. Can we make that like, the 11th commandment….

YasserArraFeck March 14, 2012 at 3:43 pm

OK – he's going to rename his show "The 69 Club", right?

actor212 March 14, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Or the 400 Blows. (SFW)

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Oy, gevalt, that is the saddest film ever.

actor212 March 14, 2012 at 3:43 pm

I need a shower.

In bleach

And formic acid.

STAT! And keep the crash cart handy.

emmelemm March 14, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I'll join you.

extreme_left March 14, 2012 at 4:51 pm

flame thrower shower

BlueStateLibel March 14, 2012 at 3:43 pm

I think Pat Robertson just violated new Wonkette rules.

memzilla March 14, 2012 at 3:50 pm

No, I'm pretty sure he didn't call anyone retabled.

RadioStalingrad March 14, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I think he also would approve of cranium cocking.

PhilippePetain March 14, 2012 at 6:24 pm

I don't feel that it's a sin.

SwanSwanH March 14, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.

nounverb911 March 14, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Has Robertson been talking to Callista for tips?

Aridzona March 14, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Calista does look like she could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

MrFizzy March 15, 2012 at 8:10 am

That frozen hair is proof she's the BJ queen

MissTaken March 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Lemme guess, oral performed on ladybits is still a big no-no, right?

actor212 March 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Maybe we should test this theory.

Antispandex March 14, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Well, clearly it isn't sin if you don't think it's sin…because Pat just said so. Heck, I feel fine about it. You?

Not_So_Much March 14, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Would Whore Pills or the abortionplex be involved?

memzilla March 14, 2012 at 3:55 pm

But I'm Munching For Jeebus!

MissTaken March 14, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Today is Pi Day, munch munch munch!

actor212 March 14, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I like Pi!

BaldarTFlagass March 14, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Mmmm, hair pi! Well, I guess not so much, these days.

SorosBot March 14, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Silly, why would anyone do that, ladies don't have orgasms.

dadanarchist March 14, 2012 at 4:04 pm

If they do, they must be a witch.

gullywompr March 14, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Ur doin it rong.

MissTaken March 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm

No, no he's not.

gullywompr March 14, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Oh ho!! Well geez, Taken, he seems to be unawarez – maybe a little verbal feedback would let him know? Or a Scooby Snack or sumpin sumpin?

actor212 March 14, 2012 at 4:27 pm

So he's not doing it wrong and the lady in question is not having orgasms?

I think he's doing it wrong.

Soros, I'm only going to show you one more time, K?

SorosBot March 14, 2012 at 4:33 pm

*blushes*

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 8:03 pm

You WOULD say that. SLUT!! Bet you take birf control, too. Where's the TAPES?

PS: Your neighbours asked if you could please hold down the late-night screamy-shouty. Too much of a good thing, in their opinion.

SorosBot March 14, 2012 at 4:34 pm

(Psst, I was just mocking the attitude of the fundie morons).

YouBetcha March 14, 2012 at 5:41 pm

We dated, didn't we?

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 8:01 pm

If she says "No," she means "Maybe."
If she says "Maybe," she means "Yes."
If she says "Yes," she ain't no lady. Which means you can just go right ahead and do the rapey-rapey dance, because, hey, only LayDEEZ can be raped. The rest of 'em are just sluts who should just video it and send the DVDs to Rush and his friends for teir enjoyment.

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Yes-yes!

Sharkey March 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Oh sure, NOW you tell me.

Baconzgood March 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Does Kristi swallow? Oh com'on we were all thinking it!

BloviateMe March 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

First the weed thing, now this. I think he's looking to replace NPH on the next Harold & Kumar.

GOPCrusher March 14, 2012 at 5:17 pm

I think ol Pat has started a ride up the rails on the Dementia Train. Next week, we'll see his handlers wrestling him to the ground as he stands on stage in his underwear, screaming out "GOD IS DEAD! GOD IS DEAD!".

Rotundo_ March 14, 2012 at 7:12 pm

"Hey little fella, let's spark that doob! But first a prayer: Lord, we give thanks to the bounty of Harold's converted titan missile silo and for the miracle of your hydroponics and grow lights, may you bless this buzz with the peace that surpasses our understanding Amen."

nounverb911 March 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Robertson's assistant needs to file a sexual harassment suit.

dadanarchist March 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Pat's just reaching out to the Papists – isn't Teh Buttsexxx Catholic birth control/priestly job perk?

veritass March 14, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Incredibly difficult to masturbate to this.

Gleem McShineys March 14, 2012 at 4:27 pm

"You must have testicle pressure THIS HIGH to enjoy this ride"

Man0nTheStreet March 14, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Focus on Pat's face… that'll make it easy!

Fare la Volpe March 14, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Says you.

BaldarTFlagass March 14, 2012 at 3:46 pm

This dude really got hold of some good reefer!!

BaldarTFlagass March 14, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Where does he stand on the tongue-punching of the fartbox?

prommie March 14, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Ah, the glorious resurrection of another Wonkette classic!

RadioStalingrad March 14, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Using this meme yesterday, clearly it has slipped under the "new rules" radar.

Gleem McShineys March 14, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I remember a cartoonist once stating the rule that "everything is so much funnier when you put a tiny little hat on it"

Putting "the" in front of a sex term, that is a tiny little hat.

Man0nTheStreet March 14, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Tongue-punching of the fartbox? OK only if BOTH chicks are hawt, and Pat gets to work the videocamera/sell the tape … Otherwise, it's a SIN!1!!!

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 14, 2012 at 4:51 pm

He stands on his knees.

voodooeconomics March 14, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I am done for today. could i just regurgitate a bit after this one…

stncmchnc March 14, 2012 at 6:25 pm

It's okay as long as you use a dental dam.

Chillatte March 14, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Worst Mummy movie ever.

pinkoschminko March 14, 2012 at 3:47 pm

But what about all the sperm/potential babies?!?! He's condoning cannibalism if he says it's OK to swallow!

Ruhe March 14, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Homonculocaust?

natoslug March 14, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Yeah. There go my erections for a few days. Isn't it time for his nap?

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Or at least his nappy-change?

MissTaken March 14, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Hey Pat! A sexy duck followed me while I walked to the subway station this morning. Is sex with ducks okay now, too? Just curious.

prommie March 14, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Watch out, those male ducks are horny, rapey bastards. I'm serious here, they are bad.

actor212 March 14, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Y'know, I had a whole new domain name taken out http://www.misstakenfucksaduck.com, but noooooooooooooom you just had to go screw that up!

Fukui-sanYesOta March 14, 2012 at 4:10 pm
actor212 March 14, 2012 at 4:16 pm

So MissTaken is safe, but Sorosbot better watch his Sorosbutt!

redarmyzombie March 14, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Well, only if he's dead.

On the other hand, this spells trouble for me…

bikerlaureate March 14, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I have that album! But they're much better live.

Steverino247 March 14, 2012 at 4:03 pm

The duck was one of SorosBot's minions making sure you're safe.

And looking up your skirt, sending him live video on an encrypted channel.

BaldarTFlagass March 14, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Careful, that duck just wanted to steal your "purse."

HistoriCat March 14, 2012 at 5:16 pm

#Obamaeconomy #wherewasholderdoj #nomuslinducks

Rotundo_ March 14, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Howard? I thought you disappeared after the movie…

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Uh … (adjusts feathers) … I hadda see a guy about something.

RadioStalingrad March 14, 2012 at 3:48 pm

What a teabagger.

Oblios_Cap March 14, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Big Deal. The Flying Spaghetti Monster has consistently taken that positition since the dawn of time.

dyedwool March 14, 2012 at 3:48 pm

First his surprising stance on the reefer, now this. Is this Pat's version of Going Rogue?

teebob2000 March 14, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Whatever the fuck they pay these Right Wing Watch people to subject themselves to endless hours of watching this inane horseshit, it's not enough.

annettaj March 14, 2012 at 3:51 pm

First Robertson says pot should be made legal and now blow jobs (and hopefully a tit for tat reversal situation) for all the marrieds. Uuuummmmmm I don't know . . . .
Ahhh, shit— Okay.

Jus_Wonderin March 14, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Getting old sorta sucks balls. He's an example of why we really do need end of life counceling, otherwise known as Death Panels.

On the otherhand, I just recently remodeled my basement and tore out all those dark Death Panels. Should I put them on Craigslist?

coolhandnuke March 14, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Pat, in his new pro cannabis incarnate, believes it is also okay for women to equally partake in the pleasures of THC…they can caress, fondle and suck down the bong water.

Baconzgood March 14, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Face fucking=OK
Making him put on a rubber=whore

Got that ladies!

HempDogbane March 14, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Speaking of which, Pat just wants someone to suck his jowl-sack.

littlebigdaddy March 14, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Happy Steak and Blowjob Day, everyone!

Me_K_Cong March 14, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I think Pat's psychiatrist/counselor is doing some good work. I am thinking it must be a kickass anti-psychotic like Abilify.

luckismine March 14, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Oh, shit. I can just hear my husband whining now, "Pleeeeeeze! Pat Robertson says it's OK."

Thanks a lot, old man.

Man0nTheStreet March 14, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Just hum a hymn while giving him a hummer!

Mumbletypeg March 14, 2012 at 3:52 pm

married straight women know God is totally chill with it

what does Pat have against wriggling around in excrement? He does it every day, in layman's terms.

elfgoldsackring March 14, 2012 at 3:53 pm

News You Can Use.

Arken March 14, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Did that lady really say 'verklempt' on CBN?

Not_So_Much March 14, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Man, him holding his stank-finger in the air while talking about hummers is a real buzzkill for what the twooters are calling 'steak and blowjob day'.

mavenmaven March 14, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Don't get too excited, Santorum will come out against this tomorrow.

elfgoldsackring March 14, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Morning after santorum? The worst kind.

DaRooster March 14, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Yeah, 'cuz that'll matter…

GOPCrusher March 14, 2012 at 5:22 pm

I'm beginning to think that the Ayatollah Santorum is angling for the gig on The 700 Club, once his presidential ambitions peter out.

Baconzgood March 14, 2012 at 3:57 pm

EWWWWWWWWWWWW! Yuck! I just thought of Pat's wrinkled knob in some intern's jaw.

Lascauxcaveman March 14, 2012 at 3:59 pm

As usual, this video is MUCH funnier with the captions turned on.

Tommy1733 March 14, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I can't see the captions! WAAH – please transcribe them PLEEEZE

metamarcisf March 14, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Pat could use another facial

prommie March 14, 2012 at 4:01 pm

If God meant for chicks to be gobbling schlong, then explain to me why God gave them a gag reflex, Mr. Smarty-Pants Robertson?

elfgoldsackring March 14, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Kirk Cameron will now demonstrate proper technique with an intelligently-designed banana.

Jus_Wonderin March 14, 2012 at 4:08 pm

There is a Left Behind joke in there…somewhere.

Gleem McShineys March 14, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Probably somehow, santorum is involved, also.

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Behind, santorum, of course it is.

GOPCrusher March 14, 2012 at 5:23 pm

ROCCO SIFFREDI LIBEL!!111!1!

ph7 March 14, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Let's hope Pat does more of these Andrew Sullivanesque "Ask Me Anything" videos.

Allmighty_Manos March 14, 2012 at 4:02 pm

You are also allowed to now roll a blunt before engaging in nonreproductive fun time activities. Thanks Pat!

SorosBot March 14, 2012 at 4:04 pm

So then Pat, what's your opinion on rim jobs? How about golden showers?

Tommy1733 March 14, 2012 at 4:29 pm

As long as it is in the marital shower, it is fine.

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Genital piercing? Scat play? S&M? B&D? Foot fetishes? Latex? Jello-wrestling? Baked bean wrestling? (Yes, it really *does* exist.)

Trinket March 15, 2012 at 2:52 am

I'm guessing that as long as any of these take place within a heterosexual marriage, there's no problem. Why would there be?

Ruhe March 14, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Will CBN be releasing a guide to approved techniques? A "Humnal" perhaps?

GOPCrusher March 14, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Release the box set of Nina Hartley's Guide To…. videos.

SoBeach March 14, 2012 at 4:07 pm

So now all of a sudden it's what's "in your heart" that makes it a sin? Dang, Pat. You just pulled the rug out from under every single shitstain televangelist that ever ran a handful of spackle through his hair.

Man0nTheStreet March 14, 2012 at 4:56 pm

And that's how Pat is "weeding" out the competing snake-oil salesmen, and positioning his Brand to appeal to the Gen-Y, sort of like with those wacky Old Spice commercials.

JustPixelz March 14, 2012 at 4:11 pm

The question — from "Jerry" — was whether oral sex between a husband and wife is a sin. I'm guessing "Jerry" is the husband in this equation. And I'm imagining the sequence of events that led to him telling "The Mrs." that it was up to Pat Robertson.

Him: Just try it once. If you don't like it, you don't have to do it again. But just try. One time.
Her: It's a sin.
Him: If Pat Robertson says it's OK, will you do it?
Her (thinking this is a sure thing): Yes.

Baconzgood March 14, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Jerry is my hero!

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Oh, your lady friend has problems with this too?

actor212 March 14, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Money was exchanged, of course.

Man0nTheStreet March 14, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Well, wedding rings aren't free, you know…

Doktor StrangeZoom March 14, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Good luck, Mr. Gorsky!

GhostBuggy March 14, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Really, Pat? So if it's not in your hear that it's a sin, it's o.k., you miserable piece of shit? Then why did you spend the majority of your life trying to make people feel bad about what's in their hearts, up to and including blaming them for horrible, tragic events they had nothing to do with?

Gah.

natoslug March 14, 2012 at 4:20 pm

This only works for married heterosexuals. For everyone else, everything is still a sin. Isn't this the same guy who claimed it was okay to cheat on your wife or divorce her if she had Alzheimer's or a debilitating illness? Or am I thinking of the other shit-fer-brains Pat, Buchanan? God certainly seems to be getting lax in his moral code.

GhostBuggy March 14, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Really, it's how I know there's no God. If there was, He would never want such incompetent PR men as these two.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 14, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Robertson later offered this correction: "Obviously, I meant if it's not in your religiously-indoctrinated, pathologically guilt-ridden, scripture-obsessed, misogynist heart"

HelmutNewton March 14, 2012 at 4:14 pm

WTF Pat?!? What about the Dirty Sanchez or Cleveland Steamer?

Baconzgood March 14, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Cleveland Steamers are the best on the market.
http://www.clevelandrange.com/products/cook/steam

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Damn, this place is turning into a dump.

WiscDad March 14, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Wow…first pot and now oral sex…what the hell has gotten into PR? THC and a big dick?

valthemus March 14, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Teen abstinence strategy: Have flabby, gray-haired conservative men go to high schools and talk about fellatio and sexual positions. For any kids still feeling randy… Newt and Callista's sex tapes.

natoslug March 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Now that fellatio has the Jesus Seal of Approval, how about cunnilingus? Or am I still going to hell for eating my wife out?

Man0nTheStreet March 14, 2012 at 4:59 pm

You wife is going to Heaven when you eat her out, so keep doing a good job and she'll take you along!

bikerlaureate March 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Can a tearful apology for terror-profiteering be far behind?

Toomush_Infer March 14, 2012 at 4:22 pm

She's still not going to blow him….though I do love the little bit where she says she's too young for sexytime questions, but her legs keep moving up and down…

Negropolis March 15, 2012 at 2:12 am

ROTFLMAO!

Baconzgood March 14, 2012 at 4:22 pm

This is good news for guys who like their dick sucked.

chicken_thief March 14, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Except for Pat, himself. Ya know Mrs. Robertson is all "don't give me that Jesus says its ok shit. Suck yer own damn cock!"

Jus_Wonderin March 14, 2012 at 4:45 pm

That would solve a few issues, as he would break his neck, back and…well, dick.

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Damn, y'all are just SO optimistic! Like Pat Blobertson even HAZ a dick.

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 8:41 pm

It's OK. He's going to divorce her for catching the Alzheimer's.

Negropolis March 15, 2012 at 2:12 am

You think, Captain Obvious?!

elburritodeluxe March 14, 2012 at 4:22 pm

No, but those shoes are a sin, honey.

Tommy1733 March 14, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Fukkin dumbass – he says "It's a question of what's in your heart" – this is of course the CORRECT answer, and is actually the CORRECT answer to so many other questions that Mr. Robertson instead answers with some literalist out-of-context, out-of-cultural-context Bible quote.

Also, will that nice lady and Pat Robertson have sex now? And is that a sin?

glamourdammerung March 14, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Given that he is a Southern Baptist, I am figuring there is a "as long as they are the same race or you own them" in there somewhere.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 14, 2012 at 4:53 pm

And not while dancing. That's still right out.

Nesnora March 14, 2012 at 4:36 pm

"to you if it's sin, it's sin"

translation

"I don't fucking know, I'm going to throw a vague answer out there and tell you to decide because I for one LOVE getting my knob gobbled and if you fuckers can't understand that we change our made-up rules when it suits me/men by now, I've got nothing."

Sassomatic March 14, 2012 at 4:37 pm

I'm not going to watch that. Not because I am at work, but because I'm getting married soon and want to remain heterosexual, you know, for the sake of the relationship.

Jus_Wonderin March 14, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Oh my, I snarted.

Rotundo_ March 14, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Better than snitting or sheezing

Man0nTheStreet March 14, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Marcus Bachmann wants a word with you, girlfriend…

BarackMyWorld March 14, 2012 at 4:40 pm

All these things Pat Robertson has been okaying lately, he must have the inside scoop on someone's tell-all book about to get published.

Beowoof March 14, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Wow the recruiting and donations must be off some.

Man0nTheStreet March 14, 2012 at 4:42 pm

The real question is whether God cool with married straight women licking, fondling, sucking, and otherwise “blowing” their husbands' big black rubber cocks – the ones the husbands hide inside their wetsuits along with the other rubber bondage fetish-gear they hope wifey won't find? Answer that, Pat!

Dashboard Buddha March 14, 2012 at 4:46 pm

I don't know if she's uncomfortable talking about the subject or doing the deed. Bummer for her husband if it's the latter.

mrblifil March 14, 2012 at 4:47 pm

If a cock is in your heart you should get some kind of medal from the US Chamber of Deep Throat Technique or something.

natoslug March 14, 2012 at 4:52 pm

You should also probably get some medical attention. I'd think a cock-blockage in a ventricle would be kind of rough on the circulatory system.

Jus_Wonderin March 14, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I do think it's okay as long as the duration is no longer than 4 hours. But, I do not have a medical degree.

Gleem McShineys March 14, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Okay, I myself have said "holy fuck" before.
I never knew that it came from the original "holy facefuck"

Doktor StrangeZoom March 14, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Whatever you think about the divinity of Christ, the man Jesus — her son — died on a cross, after a brutal facefuck. And she watched the whole thing.

prommie March 14, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Not even Pat Robertson can ruin things when the topic is blowjobs. Ben Franklin famously said "Beer is the proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." I would correct him and say Blowjobs are the proof that the universe is in fact benevolent. just the thought of blowjobs makes me smile. Blowjobs, blowjobs, blowjobs, there is just nothing happier than a blowjob. Blowjobs are simply one of the most wonderful things in life. Some have conjectured that Pat came to this conclusion that they are sanctioned through therapy, or senility, or pot, but no, there is an even more forceful argument in favor of blowjobs: blowjobs. He probably just finally got one, and immediately smacked himself in the head and thought, "what was I thinking, anything that wonderful is clearly a blessing from God."

Doktor StrangeZoom March 14, 2012 at 4:58 pm

And now, for the rebuttal:

Teeth.

prommie March 14, 2012 at 4:59 pm

They can be dealt with.

Man0nTheStreet March 15, 2012 at 10:13 am

The LORD already told Pat to replace his natural teeth with a full set of removable dentures…

Naked_Bunny March 14, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I will never fap again.

Man0nTheStreet March 14, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Replay the clip in slow-mo and focus on Pat's face – you'll be Divinely inspired again!

UnholyMoses March 14, 2012 at 4:52 pm

So …

A woman wanting to control her own body, up to and including getting pills that alleviate very serious and painful conditions?

SIN!

Bukakke party at the local chuch?

APPROVED!

Your move, Pope Palpatine ..

KeepFnThatChicken March 14, 2012 at 4:54 pm

"The Bible doesn't make that sinful; it's a question of what's in your heart, you know? What's in your heart. To you, if it's sin, it's sin."

In one fell swoop, he completely destroyed the church. About goddamn time.

Huevos Ocupados March 15, 2012 at 4:05 am

And all it took was getting high and having his dick sucked!

voodooeconomics March 14, 2012 at 4:58 pm

is there a bottom on the comment section or we just keep on struggling..

Eve8Apples March 14, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Is this a rejected Penthouse Forum letter? After Pat's discussion of blowjobs, I'm considering a vow of celibacy and becoming a nun.

natoslug March 14, 2012 at 5:30 pm

I dunno — I thought pork wasn't kosher.

johnedens March 14, 2012 at 5:37 pm

This is weird – like when Pat Boone did that heavy metal album cover.

YouBetcha March 14, 2012 at 5:37 pm

You just know my husband is going to forward this clip to me any minute now.

hagajim March 14, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Old Pat just wants his steak and blowjob like everyone else apparently.

hagajim March 14, 2012 at 6:16 pm

This makes Pat more liberal than Santorum.

randcoolcatdaddy March 14, 2012 at 6:22 pm

So, just what kinds of meds are they mixing up for Pat these days?

GreatChristiano March 14, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Man cannot live on bread alone.

He needs punani also…

chascates March 14, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Now if those involved were gay, lesbian, or Muslim it would be an abominable sin.

Aridzona March 14, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Kind of takes the idea of prayer requests to a whole new level.

Trinket March 15, 2012 at 2:50 am

Crazy old asshat says something sensible for once. I was more offended by that idiot woman who apparently would be too embarrassed to say shit if she had a mouthful of it. What the hell? Look, lady, you and virtually everyone else on the planet is here only because two people FUCKED.

ttommyunger March 15, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Thousands of tight-ass churchfolk are going to be enraged over this. The wimmenfolk think being slurped is nasty and the men prefer to get their blowjobs downtown in their pick-up trucks and nothing Pat says is going to change their minds about it.

actor212 March 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I thought he was going to pull a Kirk Cameron and put his finger in his mouth to demonstrate.

SorosBot March 14, 2012 at 4:23 pm

And thank the imaginary good lord for that.

HistoriCat March 14, 2012 at 5:13 pm

He thought she just spontaneously started praying …

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Well, she kept screaming "Oh, GOD, I'm coming!" And he was a good Catholic boy. Whadja expect him to think?

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Poor 'Bot. We are being horrible to ya, aren't we?

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