HEY DAD I'M IN JAIL  12:12 pm March 14, 2012

You Want a Job, Don’t You? Super-Hot Orange County Republican Basically Sexed Up Whole Office

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Moistened pantiesCurrent Republican Santa Ana City Councilman and recently resigned in disgrace Orange County executive manager for public works Carlos Bustamante is in so much trouble, you guys! After he made pretty much the whole office do sex on him in exchange for promotions, he had to resign his sweet $178,000 gig with the county, and now all the mad supervisors have sent his case to the District Attorney, for JAIL.

From the Orange County Register’s original story on the whole sexy mishigas:

A second anonymous letter sent to the county and obtained by The Watchdog detailed sexual allegations against Bustamante, including naming four current and former female O.C. Public Works employees with whom Bustamante allegedly had romantic encounters in his office over the past several years. All four were subordinate to Bustamante.

According to the latest letter, Bustamante and one of the women “met more than a dozen times a month for more than a year either in his office or her palatial quarters he built for her.” The letter writer also promises “steamy, erotic pictures” of the sexual encounters will be soon posted on social media.

[...]

Other women named in the letter were promoted in the department in exchange for sexual favors for Bustamante, the letter alleges.

The married father of three denies all charges. [VoiceofOC/The Orange County Register/Image from LiberalOC]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 116 comments }

memzilla March 14, 2012 at 12:14 pm

"A second anonymous letter sent to the county and obtained by The Watchdog detailed sexual allegations…"

Nice going, Editrix. Can we call you "Anonymous," too?

Tundra Grifter March 14, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Didn't "Anonymous" also write all that Victorian-era English porn?

Guppy March 14, 2012 at 1:24 pm

That was "Sue Doe Nimm."

nounverb911 March 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

"The married father of three denies all charges."
So they must be true.

dadanarchist March 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

"Hey, why's everyone so upset? They were women, weren't they?" – Carlos Bustmante

actor212 March 14, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Really! I mean, it's only four over "several" years that he's harassed!

Why, back in the Eighties, you know, when Reagan was president and men were men?…I harassed four in an hour!

Limeylizzie March 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

How can someone that ugly get so much pussy? Or ass. Or dick.

nounverb911 March 14, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Sounds like a newer version of the old Hollywood casting couch.

Fare la Volpe March 14, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Kissinger pulled poon like nobody's business.

Some guys just have game. Tons of money, also.

orygoon March 14, 2012 at 12:44 pm

You think he's not getting it any more?

Guppy March 14, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Nah. Your average piece of barely-legal tail has never heard the name before.

He could still be making the rounds in the cougar circuit, though.

Chichikovovich March 14, 2012 at 12:21 pm

met … either in his office or her palatial quarters he built for her.

I have a conjecture.

actor212 March 14, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Ask Newt.

FNMA March 14, 2012 at 12:53 pm

His answer: Tiffany's.

Baconzgood March 14, 2012 at 12:32 pm

His name! Bu$ta Mante! Sounds like a kick ass old school rapper!

unclejeems March 14, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Close your eyes and think of England.

DaRooster March 14, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Bustamanted

KeepFnThatChicken March 14, 2012 at 12:17 pm

This is not the "Peter Principle" I've read about, Carlos…

Callyson March 14, 2012 at 12:19 pm

This looked like a boring sex scandal for a Republican until the following:
Bustamante quietly resigned in 2008 from two state commissions he was appointed to by then-Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, after the Los Angeles Times quoted him suggesting that Paul Walters, a candidate for Orange County sheriff, could’ve gotten the job if he had breast implants.
So dude swings both ways. OK, *now* he measures up to GOP standards…

vulpes82 March 14, 2012 at 12:41 pm

And is into transgender! How progressive of him!

Lascauxcaveman March 14, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Yeah but artificially enhanced moobs?

That's just plain wrong.

Fare la Volpe March 14, 2012 at 12:19 pm

BustaNutte

DaRooster March 14, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Pix or GTFO… oh they're coming soon… OK.

elviouslyqueer March 14, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Bustamente's defense will doubtless be something along the lines of "And I would've gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for those meddling sluts and prostitutes."

Jus_Wonderin March 14, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Bustmante? Cumberbun??

Baconzgood March 14, 2012 at 12:20 pm

This sucks. I get fucked at work all the time! I want moar moniez!

Jerri March 14, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Nothin' says "romance" like probably coerced sex acts with your boss in a county government office.

GOPCrusher March 14, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Herb Cain approves of this message!

kingofmeh March 14, 2012 at 8:30 pm

i don't understand why squeamish editors use "romantic" in this context. "sexual" is already all over the article. whatever encounters were had with mr. bustamante, i doubt any was "romantic."

Redrighthand March 14, 2012 at 12:20 pm

A republican lacking morals?!? This IS news!!!!

metamarcisf March 14, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Big deal. On the other hand, if I hear that the marxist Obama administration enabled Mr. Bustamante's sex addiction by providing free birth control for his victims, then I think Mr. Limbaugh should weigh in.

James Michael Curley March 14, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Limbaugh did weigh in. The scales are being returned for repair.

Sharkey March 14, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Oh well, he can still get a job as a teacher, right?

dadanarchist March 14, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I've got $10 down that his emails contain numerous sexual puns derived from his own last name, because he looks like that species of smug asshole.

Sharkey March 14, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Come on, it's not like it was the cleaning lady or anything.

RadioStalingrad March 14, 2012 at 12:23 pm

You know who else had sexual encounters in Orange County?

nounverb911 March 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Prince Harry?

BaldarTFlagass March 14, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Richard and Pat Nixon?

elviouslyqueer March 14, 2012 at 12:31 pm

MY EYES!

BaldarTFlagass March 14, 2012 at 12:32 pm

You see everything twice!

actor212 March 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Charlie Sheen?

CessnaDriver March 15, 2012 at 10:35 pm

The list of places where Mr. Sheen hasn't fucked is shorter.

Fare la Volpe March 14, 2012 at 12:34 pm

The Spanish settlers with the native women?

anniegetyerfun March 14, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Speidi?

James Michael Curley March 14, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Walt Disney? Walt Disney had sex?

SorosBot March 14, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Not Lindsay Funke.

Geminisunmars March 14, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Rebecca Schoenkopf?

elviouslyqueer March 14, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Pics or Didn't Happen.

RadioStalingrad March 14, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Commies copulate copiously.

chicken_thief March 14, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Boehner's parents?

GOPCrusher March 14, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Me, on several occasions in the late 70's.

Devilette March 14, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Ha! Too easy. It was Orly Taitz with Charlie Johnson III in the dental chair of love.

gurukalehuru March 14, 2012 at 3:20 pm

True story. Mickey Mouse was talking to his divorce lawyer one day and the lawyer said "Mr. Mouse, I am truly shocked. You mean to tell me that you want to divorce your wife, Minnie Mouse, idol and role model to millions of American girl children, on the grounds of INSANIITY?"
And Mickey says "INSANIITY?! I didn't say anything about insanity, I just said she was fucking goofy!

MoeDeLawn March 14, 2012 at 4:01 pm

My wife said she'd kick me out of the compound if I told that one again. But it just sits in your craw – good, old jokes gotta be FREE! Thanks for some vicarious relief.

doloras March 14, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Frank Zappa?

horsedreamer_1 March 14, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Uncle Walt?

prommie March 14, 2012 at 12:23 pm

His defence is that they were coming to the nuisance.

WiscDad March 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm

His name should be Bustamove

RadioStalingrad March 14, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Or Busta Crimes.

GOPCrusher March 14, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Busta Hyman.

elgin_pelican March 14, 2012 at 12:25 pm

He has a name for his penis. I promise.

nounverb911 March 14, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Shorty?

actor212 March 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Casper, the Friendly Ghost?

elviouslyqueer March 14, 2012 at 12:34 pm

L'il Bit?

Fare la Volpe March 14, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Fun Size?

Lascauxcaveman March 14, 2012 at 12:49 pm

"Buster." (Because he's such a big fan of Arrested Development.)

YasserArraFeck March 14, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Speedy Gonzalez?

elviouslyqueer March 14, 2012 at 12:56 pm

I was shocked, SHOCKED to learn recently that "taco" is a euphemism for vajayjay. Needless to say, all those El Chico Taco Party kits I had stored in the pantry went directly to the trash.

YasserArraFeck March 14, 2012 at 12:59 pm

It puts a whole new meaning to "You are what you eat"…

GOPCrusher March 14, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Wee Willie Keeler?

BaldarTFlagass March 14, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Bustanutte?

actor212 March 14, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Heh heh…his name is "bust"

BaldarTFlagass March 14, 2012 at 12:27 pm

When a Hispanic guy goes bad (i.e. Republican), he goes all the way bad.

freakishlywrong March 14, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Real Asshole of Orange County.

actor212 March 14, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I want to have sex with this comment, cheat on it with another of your comments, then invite the two together for a threesome involving whipped cream and a dwarf.

elviouslyqueer March 14, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Oh hush up, Sarah.

freakishlywrong March 14, 2012 at 12:39 pm

BRB, my comment just went out for a cigarette.

Lascauxcaveman March 14, 2012 at 12:52 pm

LOL, but technically, the dwarf makes it a foursome.

(Rebecca enforces standards for civil snark; I enforce standards for math.)

Guppy March 14, 2012 at 1:29 pm

As opposed to all the fake assholes out there?

donner_froh March 14, 2012 at 12:27 pm

four current and former female O.C. Public Works employees with whom Bustamante allegedly had romantic encounters in his office

"Encounters" in the office are rarely romantic.

YasserArraFeck March 14, 2012 at 12:49 pm

I have to disagree – nothing says "romance" like skulking out of the copy room trying to wipe toner off your ass

Oblios_Cap March 14, 2012 at 12:27 pm

"How you doin'" must be a better pickup line that I remember.

Seriously – women are accusing a GOP of sexytiming? Only in Calfornia.

Beetagger March 14, 2012 at 12:27 pm

This is what happens when someone from So. Cal. buys Wonkette…. news about a place I fled from 40 years ago.

Lascauxcaveman March 14, 2012 at 12:53 pm

"So messy!"

SorosBot March 14, 2012 at 12:28 pm

But of course Republicans will continue to say this is equivalent to Bill Clinton or John Edwards, continuing to ignore the difference between legal, though sleazy, consensual affairs and illegal sexual harassment.

Oblios_Cap March 14, 2012 at 12:28 pm

“met more than a dozen times a month for more than a year either in his office or her palatial quarters he built for her.”

I need some harrassment. Where's the Editrix?

bumfug March 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm

That's why these guys are right-wingers, power and money are the only things that will ever get them laid.

Chillatte March 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm

It's called the "Cain Career Path."

FlownOver March 14, 2012 at 12:30 pm

His best line: "You might be sucking the cock of the Governor of California. Then again you might not. I hope you are, so you can have a promotion."

prommie March 14, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Corelation is not causation. It could be that he happened to be attracted to women who were competent and had a good work ethic, and those therefore were the ones he had sex with, and also, promoted. Why, it is sexist and misogynistic to suggest that these women did not deserve their promotions.

GOPCrusher March 14, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Mr. Bustamante has such a magnetic personality that these women could not help but throw themselves onto his turgid, throbbing, penis.

ManchuCandidate March 14, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Now limp GOPer official erected careers in OC Pubic Works through Sexy Time Shenanigans.

Lucidamente1 March 14, 2012 at 12:34 pm

What, no rentboys?

Sharkey March 14, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I'm not going to read the article, but did he have a jacuzzi installed in the office at any point?

anniegetyerfun March 14, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Man, I miss the days of hot, steamy sex atop the photocopier. That is all.

Maman March 14, 2012 at 12:38 pm

What is the point of having power if you can't use it?

johnnyzhivago March 14, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Jail??? Send him straight to Congress!

CogitoErgoBibo March 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm

All women? [*yawn*] Wake me if you at least find a threesome in there someplace.

proudgrampa March 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Out of curiosity, I tried to translate Bustamante.

busto = chest (male) or bust (female)

amante = lover

Figures.

Steverino247 March 14, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I think this explains what happened:
http://www.despair.com/power.html

Lucidamente1 March 14, 2012 at 12:47 pm

As long as they didn't use contraception, it's all good.

Naked_Bunny March 14, 2012 at 3:31 pm

No kidding. I hope my taxes didn't help those sluts get abortions (the Pill).

BaldarTFlagass March 14, 2012 at 12:51 pm

OT, but 6 posts in 4 hours, all by our new ubermistress, amazing!! Did she fire everyone else? Also, it seems as if the sidebar stories over on the right side of the page got fired too.

OneYieldRegular March 14, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Sidebar libel! (er, I'm actually happy to see those go, though this new posting pace is severely cutting into my ability to get anything done).

Beowoof March 14, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Its going to the DA, well then some sexy time in San Quentin.

EloquentScience March 14, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Can't possibly be true. He is a Republican, and they are women.

slowhansolo March 14, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Quiet, now, just move that coffee maker out of the way.

owhatever March 14, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Worked okay for Newt, but I fear this guy is just going to have to be spending more time with his family, which he loves more than anything other than screwing the cat.

Barrelhse March 14, 2012 at 4:50 pm

The Orange Co. DA is named Rackauckas- ROCKY Rackauckas?
There was only one joker in LA sensitive enough to wear that scent…

bringmeanaxe March 14, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Those councilors should never have called the District Attorney. We're supposed to 'move forward', not 'look backward'.

poncho_pilot March 14, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Orange County: too douchey to be San Diego, too backwards to be San Francisco, too white to be L.A.

Negropolis March 15, 2012 at 3:25 am

But, but Santa Ana is like THE most Mexican major city in the country, isn't it?

MegPasadena March 14, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Now he could have all the hot sex in jail.

clblabin March 15, 2012 at 1:08 am

"All four were subordinate to Bustamante."

They didn't need to include that detail.

ttommyunger March 15, 2012 at 4:12 pm

More from Orange County? Meh!

CessnaDriver March 15, 2012 at 10:36 pm

I actually refused to have sex with a girlfriend in OC because I wanted to be able to say that I never had sex in OC.

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