WHO WHAT WHERE WHY ARGH  8:00 pm March 13, 2012

Liveblogging What Mississippi, Alabama Think Of 4 (Still 4!) Guys In Ties

by Liz Colville

hiya

Hi. Tonight we are reminded that this country has 50 states and even some territories, and each must have her chance to say, “Ahem” regarding positions of power. It’s time for us to tune in to Mississippi and Alabama (and later, after this Wonkette has gone to bed at 8PM PST or so, Hawaii) and see to what degree its people enjoy the last four lemon and orange Starbursts left in the package, as it were. Already John King is pressing rounded red squares, which means “N/A” in terms of actual information. So far we know that Romney is leading is Miss. and Santorum is leading in Ala. But do stick around, stay awhile! Look at the percent signs on your screen so long that they start to look very strange!

8:01PM — John King, squared, red, data, thing. Romney has 459 delegates right now, so goodnight.
8:02PM — No, wait, stay.
8:04PM — An unhappy former spokesperson with a decent tan, for this time of year, is convinced that someone will go away after tonight. But whooooooo? (Gingrich.)
8:07PM — A Gingrich spokesperson said, “We’re not even halfway through” this campaign season, which is just really an eighth wonder of the world, as sentences go. “We’re a credible candidate,” this man (who is also wearing a tie) added.
8:11PM — A lady in the Rick Santorum camp is reminding us how terrible Romney is at success, this decade and the previous one.
8:15PM — “It’s gonna be Rick and Mitt,” predicts this woman.
8:16PM — “EVERYTHING WE SAID BEFORE MAY BE WRONG” — Wolf Blitzer (paraphrased). “STAY TUNED, WE ARE NOW ABLE TO CREATE BREAKING NEWS BY GETTING PAST BREAKING NEWS WRONG AND THEN CORRECTING IT”* *He did not really say any of this, sorry.
8:17PM — Meanwhile the New York Times offers “a complete breakdown” (indeed, NYT, indeed) of Alabama’s exit polls. BTW, Newt Gingrich is doing quite well there, so the lady from 8:15PM may want to watch herself!
8:19PM — “Look at that battle that’s going on,” says Wolf, and he is talking about exit poll numbers from Mississippi, where Romney, Santorum and Gingrich are littrully neck-and-neck.
8:21PM — Some inmates in Birmingham, Alabama, instead of doing “hard labor,” for a change are going to help people put ballots into a scary room. Certainly we trust criminals with ballots more than we trust potential future criminals with ballots, yes we do.
8:26PM — Wolf Blitzer wants his man in Mississippi to find out, “What’s inside those bags, if you don’t mind?” NO NO NO, do not open the bags! Fine, the bags just have some absentee voter information in them. This is so unnecessarily confusing, thank god we are not voting tonight, we might just vote for “Nice CNN guy finding out about some bags.”
8:29PM — TRICKLAGE of Alabama information.
8:32PM — According to Mr. King, some percentage of another different percentage, which is in turn another percentage of both, people think that Romney is not conservative enough, but is also vastly more likely to beat Barack Obama, which does not mean they have even voted for Romney. Ornery, people are.
8:35PM — Banter, chuckles, not important.
8:37PM — Santorum does not have a Woman Problem in the South, obviously, but nor does Romney.
8:40PM — “It is a lifetime between now and the election” — CNN woman, heartbreaker.
8:42PM — Here are some tiny things about Mississippi, with less than one percent reporting. Romney, Santorum, Gingrich, Paul, Uncommitted (George W. Bush).
8:45PM — Here is how a Palm Pilot works — CNN ballot guy in Pascagoula, Miss., who is going to completely fuck up these results because CNN’s Shannon won’t leave him alone.
8:47PM — What! Now Gingrich is leading in Mississippi, still with only >1%. Things are starting to get…to be happening.
8:50PM — Wait, wait, waiiiiiiiiiieeeet. Rick Santorum has taken the lead again, but Gingrich is still in second.
8:51PM — VERY, VERY CLOSE, says Wolf Blitzer, which is how you would describe these results if you were a professional hired to explain it.
8:52PM — John King is committing voter fraud on his touchscreen device, BECAUSE HE CAN.
8:55PM — Newt Gingrich stunt double in Harry Potter glasses is explaining numbers on a sad, old, gray screen. Basically Rick Santorum is having a moment, it feels so long.
8:57PM — Switching to Fox News for a second, for the joy of it.
8:58PM — A lady is talking in place of O’Reilly about PINHEADS. Never mind, back to The Most Trusted Name In News (maybe? Who is that again?)
8:59PM — VE-ERY VE-ERY.
9:00PM — “We’re going to be bringing you all the numbers first before anyone else.” — Wolf. But um, back to the inmates for now.
9:02PM — Oh look, a thing: Romney says that while he’s down here in the South telling lies to tradition folk, he might as well say that he wants to end Planned Parenthood completely forever. Oh, just in case that wasn’t enough, there is also “The National Endowment for the Arts, the National Endowment for the Humanities” to be incinerated. W@@T.
9:05PM — Cheek implants, live.
9:09PM — The discussion right now is about at what time to the second Gingrich will drop out, IF HE EVEN EVER DOES.
9:11PM — Oh, Intrade, we forgot about you. Intrade knows the future and in the future, Santorum wins Alabama and Romney wins Mississippi.
9:13PM — But how can that gypsy website really know? Especially since here we have Santorum winning Mississippi, too, right now, right this second.
9:18PM — “Sixteen percent — that’s a significant number of votes,” says Wolf, who thought he was losing you. And so with that, Santorum is indeed “winning” both states by quite a lot!
9:21PM — CNN would like to declare that it is the only network in the ballot bunkers in Mississippi, confusing the heck out of old ladies by uttering lots of numbers while they’re trying to sort and COUNT!
9:25PM — “Fellas” are “updating these numbers every second…and that’s why we’re getting these numbers.” Whattttt.
9:28PM — Ha, so Romney is now in third place in Mississippi. But WILL HE STAY this bad? Or will he become two percent or so less bad?
9:29PM — Does anyone care about Alabama? It has not been mentioned in 18 minutes. But here’s what we “know”:


9:30PM — And more knowing: Santorum exceeding others by 4% in Alabama TOO. For now.
9:33PM — Mitt Romney is on now, not giving a concession speech or two in one, but rather answering probing questions about Afghanistan, and he is repeating his usual message, which is that it is not the president’s job to decide what to do with guns and missiles, really, or anything, except buy and sell parts of America, just buy and sell, until there is no deficit left in one’s offshore Federal Reserve, there is one of those, isn’t there?
9:38PM — Romney has perfected the televised fake delay, and has also stolen all his lines from Jon Huntsman.
9:39PM — “I know you have a limited amount of time…” Wolf tells Mitt. More soothsaying from a master of the form.
9:43PM — MOVING TO MSNBC BECAUSE YOU WANT IT THAT WAY.
9:46PM — “They keep happening, and they keep mattering,” Rachel Maddow says re: primaries, which is a bit too sobering and real for this small-percenty time of night.
9:48PM — Not a compliment, but CNN is just so dynamic compared to this serious discussion about variables.
9:50PM — A recap courtesy Maddow, 72% of the vote is in in Mississippi, and yet it is firmly and undeniably and evening-ruiningly a “three-way.” Race. Less of the vote in in Alabama, and yet the deal is the same.
9:53PM — NBC is calling it: SANTORUM “WINS” ALABAMA with 35% of the vote even though Mississippi is way ahead. Oh well.
9:56PM — Haha, back to CNN where despite having “all of the” numbers “before” “everyone” else, no determination has been made about the fact that Santorum has won and has winn├Ęd Alabama.
10 Freaking O’Clock — “It couldn’t be much closer than this” in Mississippi, that is. But but but but and there is 79% of the vote in, and technically nobody is in first place, but will Gingrich resign from life before bedtime? It could happen!
10:08PM — WHAT JON HUNTSMAN. Has 61 votes somewhere in this land.
10:11PM — “This is changing every single second” and the technology is “amazing” according to CNN, which has never encountered e-mail, lamps, telephones, EZ-Pass, or any other form of instantaneous electronic thing.
10:14PM — In case you were wondering, Rick Perry is at SXSW grooving out to, I don’t know, GRIMES, and talking with a guy who “makes water fun,” which means he fills old water bottles with vodka and walks around, listening to bands.
10:16PM — “CNN IS READY.” Jesus Christ, finally. RICK SANTORUM IS STILL HAVING HAD WON ALABAMA.
10:20PM — And because stats are fun, you could fit all of the people who voted for Santorum in Alabama into the Rose Bowl. Here they are.
woooooo zygotes
10:22PM — And Politico is so weird now that it doesn’t even put the results in the subject of its Breaking News e-mails. “Breaking: Results.” Thanks. Also, NBC? Was doing this a long time ago, and definitively.
10:25PM — We are now waiting for Rick Santorum’s spirit to soar verbally.
10:28PM — Romney guy Eric Fehrnstroum is talking about how Rick and Newt can’t get enough delegates, which is funny because can Romney at all either? This guy is also clarifying about the Planned Parenthood thing (see 9:02PM). Planned Parenthood “does not meet Romney’s test” in terms of funding, but the organization will still exist. It just won’t have a lot of money to screen women for breast cancer, oh. That’s OK, yeah, fine. No.
10:31PM — Santorum will now speak, from not even either of the right states (Louisiana). Someone has declared Santorum an “honorary cajun.” Er…
10:33PM — “Who’d have thought” that someone with no money could give a bazillionionononaire a run for his — literally — money, translation.
10:35PM — Haha, Rick Santorum looked us right in the eye, and said, “Bless you, I love you,” even though we did not sneeze, because he was talking through us to Bella. Meanwhile other daughter Elizabeth is getting bombed on a beach in Hawaii, for spring break! No, a political event!
10:37PM — Obama or somebody is “irresponsible” and “irresponsive.” GOOD ONE.
10:38PM — We are in the heart of gas. One of the sons is rolling his eyes in overwhelming fatigue, or hatred.
10:39PM — “ALL THE ESTABLISHMENT.”
10:40PM — Oh my god, Rebecca Blackdaughter and geeky young son want to smash fists to faces over who loves faith MORE. She is so into it. “YEP,” she cries, beaming and clapping. (There was a word about faith spoken — “faith” — and it was a BIG HIT.)
10:42PM — These people just LAUGHED about the fact that the Santorum campaign is “heading to Puerto Rico next,” which…what is that all about, you crazies?
10:43PM — OH MY GOD DRAMATIC DEVELOPMENTS. While we’ve been on air, Santorum has won Mississippi or something. Karen just mouthed “WE WON” and away they go! Thank god, different god.
10:44PM — We are watching this veeeery veeeery cautiously.
10:49PM — OK, nine years later, Rick Santorum has also/still/again won Mississippi, so this yearbook photo ended up having a purpose after all, great.
10:50PM — So, delegates, anything, anyone? Nothing, but we are being told that this is very “dramatic.” So, well, there is this, from the NYT, which shows Romney a million (more than 200) delegates ahead, even after all this. BAH!
10:54PM — Anyhow, tonight is also Hawaii, later on, because they are just waking up over there. Now Callista Gingrich is here telling us that “We are committed to removing [Barack Obama] from the White House.” Sounds mean. The Gingriches believe that their message is the reason that this week, Obama “stepped up the rhetoric.” Uh.
10:56PM — HOW AND WHERE DID NEWT GINGRICH CREATE JOBS EVER?
10:57PM — Suppose it’s worth noting that Newt did come second in Mississippi.
10:58PM — The question is, wha? A “substantial number of delegates” which Newt describes as “greater than what he had yesterday” has been acquired, and “thank you.” Technically all this is true.
10:59PM — Some Romney heckling. “You’re not a very strong frontrunner.” Much turning head to the side and looking down at the podium, which is Newt’s way of saying, “I have just made a funny.”
11:02PM — Since none of these people are going away, why should we go away, or eat ever, or sleep? So we’re still here, making you WORK at that scroll mechanism.
11:05PM — Newt says it turns out we have 1600000000% or something more oil than we thought we had, and it’s all under North Dakota, home of the, ahem, Theodore Roosevelt National Park. Do you remember, Newt, or anybody else, what that was all about? That guy with the tiny glasses who liked trees?
11:08PM — “If you will Twitter” then Newt can remain alive forever. Goodbye, he is not dropping out, but he is walking away from this night to the cool sheets of a Best Western bed.
11:13PM — So. There is really nothing more to say. Because elitist Mitt is in New York, one of the two evil cities of America where real Americans do not really live, according to Santorum, trying to raise money, money that may as well be injected into Planned Parenthood or Charity:Water or the FED, for Fed’s sake, because a lot of good it is doing for this “frontrunner.” GOODNIGHT!
11:16PM — Wait, back for one more sec just to say that John King just said, “If Romney can pull off American Samoa…” Yr moment of Zen, as it were. Bye for real.

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 480 comments }

Not_So_Much March 13, 2012 at 8:10 pm

He shore does have a purty mouth.

donner_froh March 13, 2012 at 8:18 pm

But a really ugly brain.

Loaded_Pants March 13, 2012 at 8:21 pm

You mean that tiny gray lump that rests in his cranial cavity?

Not_So_Much March 13, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Let's not talk about what's in his body cavities…

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 8:38 pm

He looks like the kind of guy that the neighbors tell the News Crew "But he was such a nice, quiet boy…"

Loaded_Pants March 13, 2012 at 8:43 pm

If only Ricky was quiet.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 8:47 pm

MUTE button.

AlterNewt March 13, 2012 at 8:56 pm

"Always kept to himself…"

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 9:00 pm

"He did spend an awful lot of time in his basement. And he mail ordered a case of skin lotion."

AlterNewt March 13, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Skin lotion, and those moist towelettes.

tessiee March 14, 2012 at 9:57 am

"Always kept to himself…"

Don't we wish.

tessiee March 14, 2012 at 9:21 am

Too bad about the words coming out of it.

bumfug March 13, 2012 at 8:11 pm

We'll see how effective Romney's latest pander was: "I'm not a fan of slavery but I have some very good friends who are owners".

Harry_S_Truman March 13, 2012 at 8:11 pm

They'll each win one? And the qualitative difference between Mississippi and Alabama is what again?

AlterNewt March 13, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Lipstick.

littlebigdaddy March 13, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Miss. is cooler and more decadent, in the William Faulkner sort of way. Alabama has given us nothing in 200 years,

aklibtard March 14, 2012 at 6:24 am

Bama has better football. Ole Miss sucks

Negropolis March 14, 2012 at 9:14 am

Well, the latter actually has a moderately-large metropolitan area and a number of other fairly significant cities which tends to moderate its conservatism. Mississippi, on the other hand, is still just Post-Reconstruction in culture.

Basically, Alabama is Mississippi if Mississippi had an actual manufacturing sector.

Okay, okay. All of you Alabamans and Mississippians can take me to task, now, for my snark.

Nostrildamus March 14, 2012 at 2:54 pm

So Alabama:Mississippi :: Illinois:Indiana ?

elviouslyqueer March 14, 2012 at 10:19 am

Alabama blows, while Mississippi sucks. Duh.

MarcelleMarceau March 13, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Mr. Mom Jeans.

Jukesgrrl March 13, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Alabama and Mississippi: What the whole country will become when the GOP succeeds in killing public education.

chascates March 13, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Fixin' up a mess 'a cheesy grits right now!

anniegetyerfun March 13, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Seriously, I have to admit that that might have been the only thing Mittens said that I have ever agreed with. I mean, if he had said it sincerely.

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 5:18 am

Fixin' on chargin' fifteen bucks a plate, dood?

Negropolis March 14, 2012 at 9:07 am

I've never heard them called "cheesy grits." I've only ever heard "cheese grits".

donner_froh March 13, 2012 at 8:17 pm

That boy in the picture at the top of the page looks like one of those home schooled types–if you know what I mean…

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Yeah, but I was surprised to hear both his parents worked all their lives for the gubbmint, and his dad was a psychologist (!) for the Veterans Administration. You'd think there would be some empathy or something worthwhile that coulda rubbed off. It's not like he grew up the son of a moonshiner in the Smokies (despite that he tries to put that out as his image).

Geminisunmars March 14, 2012 at 12:40 am

Well perhaps Santorum Pere was an acolyte of BF Skinner, and kept little Ricky in a baby box.

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 5:19 am

I'm sure little Ricky is STILL resentful about the time he spent in his MOMMY's box.

tessiee March 14, 2012 at 9:23 am

"kept little Ricky in a baby box."

Too bad he got out.

Negropolis March 14, 2012 at 9:08 am

That really drives me mad. He keeps talking about his grandfather, but his own nuclear family had long since been assimilated. Their is nothing ethnic about Santorum left. Hell, even his brand of Catholicism seems to have a heavy WASPy tinge to it.

RadioStalingrad March 13, 2012 at 8:17 pm

The South will rise agin.

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 8:40 pm

As will my gorge.

DarwinianDemon March 13, 2012 at 9:26 pm

In an elevator though because hoverrounds can't do stairs.

Geminisunmars March 14, 2012 at 12:41 am

It is a yeasty region.

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 5:19 am

Yeast will do that to ya, baby.

FakaktaSouth March 13, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Ugh I can't do this. Y'all are hurting my feelings. We deserve it, it sucks in Alabama, but we are not ALL stupid fucks like Alex Pelosi said we are. I ain't about to defend a damned thing about the people in these polls or who have voted for the people running tonight – but I don't wanna read a bunch of shit about how we are all stupid without exception. I can't take that today. Y'all do have fun – and I hope one day to be somewhere that I can say I am better than all of you. Fuck this place. (my state, not y'all) I'm out.

BerkeleyBear March 13, 2012 at 8:28 pm

I saw the piece where Maher read her apology about how she didn't try to make Mississippians look like toothless dumbasses, they just come that way. It wasn't Alabama, if that helps even a little.

Mississippi reminds me a tiny bit of the theory that Russia and Spain thwarted Napoleon because they both were poor countries that clung to religion over reason in dire times. Too stupid to do what is rational, in other words.

FlownOver March 13, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Don't take it personally. It's only MOST of your state that has shit for brains. It's true here in Baja Nebraska too.

stncmchnc March 14, 2012 at 1:13 am

Ain't dat the truth.

gullywompr March 13, 2012 at 8:38 pm

From one southern liberal to another – some of the people I love most (intelligent, beautiful, educated people) hail from Alabama. I'd love to visit there someday, I bet it's nice country. Keep on truckin', baby.

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 8:42 pm

We Liberals in Red States need to stick together and support each other.

At least, when we're not laughing and mocking the latest idiocy perpetrated by one of you OTHER guys' asshole legislatures.

NellCote71 March 13, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Texas joins you in mind and spirit.

gullywompr March 13, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Looking at you, New Hampshire…

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Don't leave us!!

Jukesgrrl March 13, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Of course Alabama is not without people to admire. Zora Neale Hurston, Jesse Owens, Walker Percy, Hank Aaron, Helen Keller, Ralph Abernathy, Truman Capote, and Morris Dees, right off the top of my head. Unfortunately, they did not spawn often enough, if at all.

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Oh dearest FakataSouth, if all of the South was like you it would be a paradise, don't hate us.

fuflans March 13, 2012 at 9:00 pm

fakakta, you make alabama the place to be.

hang in there sweet thing.

besides we need you to report for us.

cheetojeebus March 13, 2012 at 9:09 pm

I have this old album of Faulkner reading As I lay Dying etc.. It's a tonic or more like a fifth of bourbon.
As a expat Texan with ancestors who reach back 150 years along the Gulf Coast it does rankle when regional prejudices get applied.
To hear an example have a listen to Terri Gross' interview with Tommy Lee Jones. Quell fukkin idiot.

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 9:18 pm

MrLimeylizzie worked with him and said he was such an asshole, unbelievably rude.

Loaded_Pants March 13, 2012 at 9:41 pm

I've met someone who remembered him from his days as Writer-in-Residence in the late 1950s at the University of Virginia & they told me the same thing. Not a very pleasant person.

When it comes to Southern Lit. I'm more of an O'Connor person. "A Good Man is Hard to Find" never fails to produce chills in me.

cheetojeebus March 13, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Luv em both, "Wise blood" is terrific.

Jukesgrrl March 13, 2012 at 10:29 pm

I think the people above are talking about Tommy Lee Jones and not Faulkner. Jones owns a ranch in Texas. I don't think Terry Gross ever interviewed Faulkner; she was only 11 when he died. As to his friendliness, I cannot say.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Awww, Fakakta, please don't go! I don't hate Alabama or the South – I just hate deliberately ignorant fools. I've met them everywhere.

littlebigdaddy March 13, 2012 at 9:31 pm

But we just cain't quit you, Fakakta!

DCBloom March 13, 2012 at 10:18 pm

I know some lovely liberal people in Birmingham.

Fare la Volpe March 13, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Hun, please stay. Tennessee would be so lonely without our gentile neighbors to the south (Seriously, you expect us to hang out with Georgians? Puhlease.)

NellCote71 March 13, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Yeah. That is like expecting Texans to hang out with New Mexicoans or Oklahomans. Duh.

tessiee March 14, 2012 at 9:32 am

"Tennessee would be so lonely without our
gentile
neighbors to the south"

I ordinarily try to avoid spelling nitpicks, but it did make me smile to see someone whose screen name starts with "Fakakta" called "gentile".

Nothingisamiss March 14, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Ok, WHATEVER, Fare. But really, I'm not sure I like hanging with my neighbors, either, truth be told.

Thanks Wonkette for providing sanity in insane places.

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 10:36 pm

My "Conservative Facebook Friend" that I often respect his reasoned opinions the most (of conservative opinions) lives in AL. Also, my liberal old poli-sci professor was from there. All several times that I was about to post "MS & AL People Are Ignorant, And Here's Why" on my fb page today, I stopped and thought of them, and felt too lazy to type out the responsible disclaimer that it's not ALL residen…. laze… meh..

I'm surrounded by politically ignorant people who aren't from AL or MS. Plus, I live in Iowa, and I hear about how stupid and backward we are a lot. fuck 'em.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 10:50 pm

(Are you lurking and basking in all the love?)

FakaktaSouth March 13, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Oh my gosh, this was great, and crazy. And you know I love you. I didn't mean to be such a whiney baby, I just get overwhelmed and so so so embarrassed sometimes. It is wretched the way these people have been talking in these polls – just appalling. But it is also having an effect – I am feeling more "called to action" than ever – all this women-stuff added to the laid bare horrible-ness of some folks around here has me fired up. i think I might do something for real for once. (and around here I will get to at least)

proudgrampa March 13, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Oh, honey. Don't you worry. We all love you, too!

Believe me, I think I know something of what you feel, living in Utah. I get so frustrated sometimes, but then I realize that the rest of the world is just a little bit saner than here.

That gives me hope. And the martinis help!

Love, proudgrampa

LemonySnicket March 14, 2012 at 2:20 am

Sympathies from over here in FL… I know what it's like to come from an embarrassment of a state.

valgal2342 March 13, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Liberal Kentuckians salute you! We hear you, stay strong!

MosesInvests March 13, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Hey, FS, I grew up in North Florida (aka South South Georgia) and I live in Texas now (Austin, thank God). I feel your pain. That being said, I take some comfort in the idea that maybe some of the crazy-ass answers to those polls has to do with the perverse tendency of a lot of Southerners to pretend to be stereotypes. You know what I mean-"I bet that dumb-ass Yankee thinks we want to bring back segregation! Let's tell him we're against *abolition*! Haw, haw!"
Of course, there are also a lot of mean, iggernant rednecks out there, too. Also.

Local_Mojo March 14, 2012 at 12:05 am

Well, I like living in Alabama. Every morning I awaken and feel exceptional.

Only in Alabama could I witness the President of the Hank Williams International Fan Club (from Pine Apple, Alabama) accidentally tump a gravy boat of I-talian dressing into the benumbed lap of the late, unlamented, George Wallace.

My trillium and azaleas are all beautiful this spring. My bluets are covered with blossoms. I'm planning my next trip to Italy in October. Whoo-ee, life is good.

Oh yeah, I got to cross over and vote for Dale "Brokeback" Peterson as a Gingrich delegate.

PS – The Alabama Shakes will kick the butts of any Yankee bands.

FakaktaSouth March 14, 2012 at 12:23 am

Maybe if I had seen Lurleen's hubby sitting in some dressing he couldn't get out of, I would have a better attitude as well. Did he leave a trail behind him as he rolled away? What a terrible, terrible man George was. I have said before that I do like feeling smart and thin here too, I just wish there weren't so many righteously ignorant lunatics running around and being so stupid out loud.

Local_Mojo March 14, 2012 at 8:05 am

Hey, remember that Califrnia has its Issa, Minnesota has its Bachman, and NY has its King. We don't have a corner on the market for stupid.

Nothingisamiss March 14, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Ha! You just gave away my secret…I can feel smart and thin in Georgia!!!!

Words March 14, 2012 at 12:36 am

Amen, sister! I am in shock that Roy Moore ("Let's put up the Ten Commandments in the State House, and by God That will change everything!") will once again be the Chief Justice… I cannot believe how the people in this state consistently vote against their own interests.

Voting in this state is an exercise in futility. There ARE educated, smart folks here; I'm not sure why they don't vote.

FakaktaSouth March 14, 2012 at 12:45 am

The Roy Moore nonsense has freaked my husband completely out. He just yelled down the stairs "WE HAVE GOT TO GET THESE KIDS OUT OF HERE!!!!!!" Looks to me that if 200,000 out of 9million are all they got, (8 in 10 were evangelical too, I mean, just ew) we certainly should be able to do SOMEthing. My mom went and voted for Pres O today, she said she just couldn't look anyone in the face and say she was a Republican – even to screw with Mitt. We'll see what happens I suppose.

MilwaukeeKent March 14, 2012 at 12:43 am

Hey, I live in Wisconsin and lately feel like I got hit by a bus, a dimunitive bus. The difference between here, NY and Alabama is maybe 10 or 20 degrees of awareness one way or another. That's in good times. Stupid is everywhere, no?

Words March 14, 2012 at 12:58 am

Replying to your comment to me:

I voted in the Repub primary to vote against Mittens, to dilute his delegate vote, I hope. My entire voting area is prime Rep. territory; we have been inundated w/negative sh*t from all 3 major guys… Amazingly enough, only a couple of ads for that as*h*le, Moore. Definitely thought he'd not be on the scene again. HIS Own men tried to frag him in 'Nam for being such a jerk… sigh.

I keep trying to make a difference.. It's a lonely job.

MilwaukeeKent March 14, 2012 at 1:28 am

Rough terrain, so these were open primaries? I wonder how many other non-GOP voters got in there and diluted the vote. I'm thinking even if this goes to a brokered convention (pipe-dream a month ago, looking more and more like an even bet) the ticket will STILL be Romney/Dangerfield 2012. Dude can't get any…Romney Dangerfield…Hmmm.

Negropolis March 14, 2012 at 1:20 am

Fakakta,

You do know Alex Pelosi's piece was on Mississippi, right? Everybody makes fun of Mississippi. Hell, even Mississippi makes fun of Mississippi. That said, your governor is one IQ point away from being required to wear a helmet.

MissNancyPriss March 14, 2012 at 1:31 am

Pennsyltucky stands by you.

RadioStalingrad March 13, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Romney really is a failure. He's not even a quarter billionaire. Do we really want some second rate capitalist as POTUS? Only the BEST for this great, blessed nation.
Zuckenberg/Buffett '12

donner_froh March 13, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Carlos Slim/Li Ka-shing 2016

Biff March 13, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Not coincidentally, I began learning Messican this morning.

slowhansolo March 13, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Shocked, shocked I am that Santorum would be popular in Alabama!

tessiee March 14, 2012 at 9:41 am

Honestly, I'm shocked that he'd be popular anywhere.
Everytime I look at his whiny little puss, I wonder how he got even one vote from anyone.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 13, 2012 at 8:23 pm

They have computers in Alabama?

Loaded_Pants March 13, 2012 at 8:35 pm

They got a shipment of Apple II computers.

anniegetyerfun March 13, 2012 at 9:05 pm

It's pronounced "pooters". And yes, although the electricity needed to power them is spotty.

Loaded_Pants March 13, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Hehe. Late grandmother Loaded Pants used to call them "pooters". After she went to her bank, her doctor's office, or the local office of the SSA, she'd say things like: "The young gal workin' in front got on her pooter & pooted around & pooted out how much I owe/had in my account/how much my benefits will be."
To be fair, she was born in the 1910s & had only a elementary school education so computers totally perplexed her.

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 11:03 pm

I like that story. Crazy how much the world's changed in a century. You could've told her exactly what it would be like in 70 years when she was younger and you'd have been wasting her time with nonsense.

HistoriCat March 14, 2012 at 11:02 am

Did you ever see The 1900 House? It's a real eye-opener how much life for us fortunate types has changed in the past hundred years

tessiee March 14, 2012 at 9:43 am

Electricity?
Don't they have the blah people shoveling coal into them or something?

AlterNewt March 13, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Hell with it. I'm watching this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2K9rVRuehGU

Monsieur_Grumpe March 13, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Filmed in Supermarionation!!!!!

AlterNewt March 13, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Somewhat Mitt-like in their movements.

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Yeah, these primaries are nearly enough to make me resort to a bottle of Thunderbird, too.

AlterNewt March 13, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Seems more like an Everclear kind of primary, though.

Gleem McShineys March 13, 2012 at 8:24 pm

THE ROOSTER'S GOT THAT THROAT-OPENIN' GONE-CHUGGIN' LOOK TO HIS MIDDLE-DISTANCE STARE!

WhatTheHeck March 13, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Were women allowed in the audience?

Fare la Volpe March 13, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Out of the house? Sacre bleu!

Data Exactly March 13, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I don't really look straight at Ron Paul – does he wear a tie?

fartknocker March 13, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Is Hank Williams Jr. going to be singing for Newt tonight?

FlownOver March 13, 2012 at 8:29 pm

I'd recognize that nose anywhere. It's the one he sticks (a) into everyone's private affairs, and (b) up the Tea Party's ass.

Loaded_Pants March 13, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Which is why it should have some santorum on its tip.

Generation[redacted] March 13, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Due to my scientifically proven liberal intolerance, I will not be watching this.

emmelemm March 13, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Scientifically proven liberal intolerance™, thank you.

ifthethunderdontgetya March 13, 2012 at 8:36 pm

You will enjoy your pretense of democracy, or you will not get your pudding!

How can you have your pudding if you don't enjoy your pretense of democracy??
~

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 8:39 pm

MSNBC is singing the "Newt needs to drop out now" tune really loud tonight.

NellCote71 March 13, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Still haven't had my quota of crazies, so Newt needs to stay in.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 8:41 pm

I just have no tolerance for this anymore.

I am looking forward to Rachel Maddow reducing James Inhofe to a superheated, vitrified glassy residue.

Generation[redacted] March 13, 2012 at 9:11 pm

God told him that couldn't possibly happen.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 9:15 pm

I think Rachel will consult The Book of Armaments.

MosesInvests March 14, 2012 at 12:00 am

"…and the number of thy counting shall be Three."

gullywompr March 13, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Say what you want about Mississippi, it's fun to spell.

anniegetyerfun March 13, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Also? "Queue."

tessiee March 14, 2012 at 9:46 am

When I was just a tiny Tessie, one of the cartoons I used to watch (don't remember which one) had a song spelling Mis-sis-sippi. I've never had any trouble spelling it since.

Nostrildamus March 14, 2012 at 3:03 pm

My fave is "syzygy", but it's kinda hard to work into blog posts.

Until now!

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Alabama has black people in uniform with guns, and convicts in orange and white stripey jumpsuits guarding the ballots. What has happened to the south!?

Jukesgrrl March 13, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I guess they have to pretend voting is an activity fraught with felonious behavior. To justify future actions.

FlownOver March 13, 2012 at 8:45 pm

"Banter, chuckles, not important."

Repeat throughout evening, forever.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 13, 2012 at 8:45 pm

From CNN…
Alabama inmates help to move ballets.
WTF?

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 9:43 pm

I heard they help move a lot of things, like tomatoes (since they scared off all the illeegulz). Brokeback Alabama sez: "Slavery… I wish I could quit you."

anniegetyerfun March 13, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Woman Problem in the South

That's what I call my period. Roll tide!

littlebigdaddy March 13, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I have never been able to figure out that team name. It does seem to imply either something out of the Vagina Monologues or a red tide, which kills all the shellfish.

anniegetyerfun March 13, 2012 at 9:37 pm

My 4-H leader hailed from Alabama, and the first time I heard her twang about the Crimson Tide in her heavily accented… English?… I actually thought it WAS a Southern euphemism for her menses.

rocktonsam March 13, 2012 at 8:47 pm

I'm Intolerant of at least 3 if these assholes and some of the people in the south,

There i said it.

Words March 14, 2012 at 12:39 am

We are not assholes. But our votes don't count.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 8:50 pm

O/T: Sarah Palin wants to debate Barack Obama!

This should be interesting.

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I was going to say that she first needs to accept the debate challenges from those high school kids, but then I remembered that was Michele Bachmann.

But, yeah, the President regularly accepts debate challenges from private citizens who just want to show him how wrong he is.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I love that The Prez debates the occasional private citizen (unlike Our Previous Boy-in-the-Bubble CIC.

But there have to be Standards. Sarah Palin? That's just Cruel.

Fare la Volpe March 13, 2012 at 10:36 pm

I'm pretty sure he did that already. It was called Decision 2008.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 10:42 pm

I remember Biden V. Palin and Biden kicked her ass.

Also, I'm pretty sure he went easy on her. Easy for him.

MadBrahms March 14, 2012 at 12:39 am

You mean O'Biden. She debated O'Biden.

glamourdammerung March 13, 2012 at 10:37 pm

O/T: Sarah Palin wants to debate Barack Obama!

"Sarah Palin wants attention" would have been more accurate.

tessiee March 14, 2012 at 9:53 am

Or just change the word "debate" to a different verb, and it would be more accurate, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

DarwinianDemon March 14, 2012 at 12:47 am

Say it ain't so, Bo!

tessiee March 14, 2012 at 9:52 am

I immediately thought of the line from the Pogo comic strip where one of the characters said, "Never fight anyone smaller than you. If you win, you're a bully, and if you lose, you're a bum".

If this ever really happened, Silly Sarah would burst out crying the first time Obama looked at her urbanly or some fucking thing; and it would forever go down in wingnut history that "Obama was mean to our fap target"; just like "Al Gore said he invented the internet" and all the other bullshit stories that they repeat ad infinitum.

anniegetyerfun March 13, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Read this. Make sure to do so in the most exaggerated Southern accent possible. Then weep quietly to yourself.

But seriously. If you didn't already have a fucking stroke listening to this this morning on your commute into Oakland, then you will when you read the transcript.

chascates March 13, 2012 at 8:55 pm

I even sent that in as a tip! The lady who said of Santorum "he wants to bring God into everything, and to me and my Christianity, that's what I needed to hear. You know, that's what we need" made me want to start planning my extended trip to Europe right away.

anniegetyerfun March 13, 2012 at 8:59 pm

I mentioned it on Facebook this morning, and my Newt Gingrich-fan friend was all, "I don't know any Republicans that believe any of that" and I was, like, "Yeah, well, you're a shut-in."

Oh, and then I unfriended her, natch.

For me, it was the "Muslim leadership" guy. As if Southern Republicans aren't EXACTLY like the fucking mullahs in Iran.

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 9:38 pm

"Oh, and then I unfriended her, natch."

Right before PEW Research called to ask her why liberals hate America, natch.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 13, 2012 at 8:57 pm

I heard that this morning on the way to work. "The Constitution doesn't say that" should be repeated often.

anniegetyerfun March 13, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I fought with a guy about that once. In the end, he knew he was beat, because I disproved EVERY SINGLE THING HE SAID, so he was all, “Jerome Corsi's book will be the final verdict!”. You can't argue with logic like that. Really.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 13, 2012 at 9:05 pm

You can kick them in the nutz but that would be cheating.

emmelemm March 13, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Defriend! Tis the liberal way!

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Me too. I liked the veiled disdain contemptuous disgust that came across the airwaves when I heard that phrase.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 9:02 pm

As a Liberal, I have no more tolerance for sending these Moochers any more of my hard-earned tax dollars.

MilwaukeeKent March 13, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Think of it as mercy — these states can't survive without Federal dollars, the whole South gets back more than it pays in. Shit, take the Federal dollars out of Huntsville (where they actually do the rest of us some good) and the average IQ in Alabam' would drop 10 points easy.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 11:07 pm

I'm a Merciful Sort and I don't mind kicking in for the Marshall Spaceflight Center but I'm getting to the end of my rope with the Aggressively-misinformed, Christian Dominionist Wipe the liberals off the face of the Earth attitude we get while we're shoveling money down south.

Words March 14, 2012 at 12:48 am

Actually, that's not true.

Please be aware there are people in the South who are trying to make a difference.One major problem is some of the states (AL a prime example) do not want to fund education, which is the key to arming my people to do battle w/these idiots. Our constitutions give power to what has quaintly been known as "the Big Mules" who wrote the constitution in 1912.. it keeps the powerful white guys and their friends, US Steel, Southern Power Company, and all the Mining companies in charge; our property taxes are some of the lowest in the country, especially in the Black Belt, which is populated by poor blacks and poor whites. The Big Mules are not interested in educating these native folks, because they might have a chance to vote against the BMs…

This has been going on since Jesus was a twinkle in His father's eye… whoever that may be….

Loaded_Pants March 13, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Oh, for fuck's sake:
"When people read the Constitution and say, 'Oh, we get our rights from the Constitution,' that is wrong," he said. "The Constitution does not give us rights. It recognizes rights that are written on our heart because we are a creature of God. That's where we get our rights from." (that was Santorum speaking)

Romney is a Mormon, an unfamiliar faith here. But his religion didn't come up among the dozen attendees I spoke with. Instead, for people like Judy Sellers, it was Obama's faith that was an issue.

"I really don't think that a nation that falls on Muslim leadership, potentially, is going to be a nation that's going to survive," she said.

And it's not the only topic that made a return appearance last night. John Gentile of Crossville, Tenn., still doesn't believe Obama is allowed to be president because his father was born in Kenya.

"I just don't like the directions that he's headed in, and personally I don't think he qualifies to be president under the 'natural born citizen.' In the Constitution it states that you have to have two parents that were born in the United States, so that there's no alternative allegiance by any member of the family," Gentile said.

And these stupid fuckers are allowed to vote? Fuck. We don't need Voter ID laws. We need Voter IQ laws.

anniegetyerfun March 13, 2012 at 9:10 pm

But their eloquence! Does it not move you?

Loaded_Pants March 13, 2012 at 9:20 pm

The very basic reason they don't think Obama should be President is because he's not white. Of course, they at least know that this is not an acceptable thing to voice out loud to reporters who work in the liberal-controlled media. But they think spoutin' off all the birther BS makes them look like they are well-informed? Gah!

MadBrahms March 14, 2012 at 12:41 am

To crap my pants in fear, yes.

tessiee March 14, 2012 at 10:02 am

"I just don't like the directions that he's headed in, and personally I don't think he qualifies to be president under the 'natural born citizen."

Translation: I just don't like the color of his skin, and personally I don't think he qualifies to be white.

No matter how much they try to dress it up, that's what that really means, and that's what I hear every time they open their big, ignert mouths.

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 13, 2012 at 9:35 pm

I started reading the quotes in a southern accent but halfway through I started twitching and my eyes rolled back in my head. I think I may have done permanent damage.

anniegetyerfun March 13, 2012 at 9:38 pm

I'm sorry – I guess I should have specified that you need to be extremely high, or drunk, or both, first. I just assumed that that went without saying.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 11:10 pm

I read it in my best Spicoli voice and it worked for me.

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Does it make me a shallow person that I'm kind of excited about having the 4th-most recommended comment on that NPR story?

More to the point, can I I sure am glad I figured out how to de-link my real name from that NPR account…. ?

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 11:12 pm

I love that Onion story. Thanks.

LemonySnicket March 14, 2012 at 2:37 am

I really, really wish I hadn't read that.

Negropolis March 14, 2012 at 9:00 am

After reading that, I'm smelling burnt toast…

You know, after reading stuff like that, I remember why people on the outside looking in are sometimes confused and horrified by what we project. Here we are a technologically advanced superpower, where if you look on the surface, we can look relatively First World (though, with our physical infrastructure, even that's getting harder to fake), but you talk to some random American out on the street, and it's beginning to be a 50/50 proposition that you're going to get some bat-shit crazy viewpoint on something, eventually.

I've had that experience. You know, where you're talking with just the nicest stranger in the world on a park-bench or waiting in line, and they just casually throw into the conservation that the president is a Muslim, or something, and for a moment you're shocked at this well-dressed, well-spoken person, and then it switches to horror and/or anger.

anniegetyerfun March 14, 2012 at 9:07 am

I know what you mean. Also, I'm beginning to think that we have just as many horrifiyingly backward fundamentalists as any idiot Islamic theocracy (or nominal democracy). When I used to argue with my husband about this, he would point to, say, some nutjob in Florida saying something stupid about women, and I could say “Yeah, well, 70% of the people in Islamabad think that.” And now, honestly, I don't know – it's entirely possible that much larger segments of our population than I realized WANT a theocracy in this country. They WANT the death penalty for abortionists. They WANT to prevent women from taking birth control. There's just so many more of them than I had imagined.

Doktor Zoom March 14, 2012 at 9:31 am

You're so intolerant.

chascates March 13, 2012 at 8:53 pm

I'm assuming the American Samoa results will not be in until tomorrow sometime?

littlebigdaddy March 13, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Yeah but the Haka will be worth waiting for.

Fare la Volpe March 13, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Just wait until the Tagalong and Thin Mint results.

DrunkIrishman March 13, 2012 at 8:57 pm

I'm surprised Mississippians can read well enough to actually vote.

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Picture ballots, maybe?

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Is Kristol on Fox News tonight? If so, what predictions is he making so the we'll know the opposite will come true?

NellCote71 March 13, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Perhaps he can help identify the VP candidate since he did so well last time.

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Especially since his benchmark for acceptable Vice President is Dan Quayle.

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 9:30 pm

You say potato, Dan says potatoe. (dammit red squiggly underline, I know!)

Biff March 13, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Willie Brown sez Santorum. I can't imagine mittens actually doing that…

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Thanks to the miracle of touch-screen maps, Jennifer Granholm really looks like she is doing a weather report right now.

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 9:02 pm

The woman I would choose to go full lesbian with is on now, my GF Rachel Maddow…sigh.

rocktonsam March 13, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I thought you just went gay for whatsherface.

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I'm gay for a couple of people Rachel and Tamron Hall being two of them.

Steverino247 March 13, 2012 at 9:36 pm

That's OK. The SS uniform thing will bring you "back."

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Yes, indeed it will.

rocktonsam March 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Oh that's right.

Tamron in that "dress."

YUM

user-of-owls March 13, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Third place in both Mississippi and Alabama? Shaping up to be a bad night for Prof. Vituperative Sea Cucumber.

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Hi there beloved, look you are roosting right next to me.

user-of-owls March 13, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I meant to do that, dear thing. Just two birds on a wire are we. Hop a little closer, will you old girl?

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Would you like me to clean your feathers, if you know what I mean?

imissopus March 13, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Get a nest!

user-of-owls March 13, 2012 at 9:27 pm

**whirrrr**

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 9:26 pm

HOLOTHURIAN LIBEL!!!1!

user-of-owls March 13, 2012 at 9:37 pm

They were asking for it, just cold flashing their ossicles for everyone to see.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Never mess with anything that has teeth in its Anus and can hurl out all its internal organs out at you (i.e.don't go to any hotel room parties at CPAC)

user-of-owls March 13, 2012 at 9:49 pm

But if you do go, for god's sake don't be conspicuous!

NYNYNYjr March 13, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Awesome– I didn't notice that until just now. I've been out drinking. I think I'll wait a min to make sure he's in third and then continue. HA HA Mitt. Mormons. Northerners.

Extemporanus March 13, 2012 at 10:50 pm

OH HAI!!

Monsieur_Grumpe March 13, 2012 at 9:06 pm

I'm rooting for the Santorum.

user-of-owls March 13, 2012 at 9:08 pm

That sounds unpleasant in the extreme.

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Ewww, is that like rooting for truffles?

Monsieur_Grumpe March 13, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Yes and no.

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Santorum oil drizzled on pasta must be delicious.

Boojum_Reborn March 13, 2012 at 9:30 pm

:::hurl:::

NellCote71 March 13, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Google Natural Harvest cookbook. Take that to your next Southern bridal shower.

rocktonsam March 13, 2012 at 9:07 pm

"Alabama, you got the weight on your shoulders
that's breaking your back
Your Cadillac
Has one wheel in the ditch
and a wheel on the track

Oh Alabama"

Jukesgrrl March 13, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Here's what I want to say about Mississippi: BLUES. Would we have any without it? I mean seriously, Robert Johnson, Howlin Wolf, Muddy Waters, Willie Dixon, John Lee Hooker, Son House, Sonny Boy Williamson, Arthur Crudup, BB King, Albert King, Elmore James. All of them went down to the crossroads in Mississippi. Never ceases to amaze me.

Even that white boy named Elvis. Mighta lived in Memphis, but he was born in Tupelo.

So, thanks, Mississippi. Even if the majority of your voters are assholes.

chascates March 13, 2012 at 9:17 pm

I wanted to get out of Mississippi in the worst way. Go back? What I want to go back for?
Muddy Waters

Monsieur_Grumpe March 13, 2012 at 9:20 pm

I'm not sure that being a state that inspires the blues is a good thing.
But still, it is an impressive list.

Biff March 13, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Also, John Hurt.

littlebigdaddy March 13, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Yeah, you find yourself in one of those rural blues bars–there's a great one about 15 miles south of Oxford–and you are listening to the best music in the world, drinking dog knows what–and of course eating BBQ. The south is not good on rational or progressive things, but can produce ecstatic experience. Sort of like our own third world country.

NellCote71 March 14, 2012 at 2:11 am

Oh, cool. No passport. No shots.

Blueb4sunrise March 13, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Used to be 'Mississippi water tastes like turpentine….Michigan water tastes like cherry wine…'
Sometimes you hear the reverse….

gurukalehuru March 14, 2012 at 1:49 am

Britney Spears, too. BBQ, Blues and Babes. Helluva bunch of stupid, though.

NellCote71 March 13, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Rachel maddow asked Steve Schmidt how he would advise the candidates to conduct their campaigns. It worked out so well four years ago.

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I love Rachel Maddow's show because she usually talks about things I didn't already know, or offers a different take I hadn't thought of.
Tonight is not one of those nights.

EDIT: I take it back. Now she's getting excited about Alabama house races and how Bachus is being challenged. And Roy Moore is trying to get elected back to the Alabama Supreme Court.

chascates March 13, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Roy Moore rode his horse to the polling place today. He wants to turn back the clock 150 or so years.

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 9:25 pm

How long ago were the Ten Commandments? (The tablets, not the movie.)

Blueb4sunrise March 13, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Beer.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Beer Beer Beer Beer We Love Beer!

Blueb4sunrise March 13, 2012 at 9:42 pm

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW.
but the best thing on that page was 20 Spankers………and one WTF Air Supply……

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 9:47 pm

It's a helluva fun band. And…Air Supply? what kind of bizarre algorithm put that in there?

emmelemm March 13, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Liquor?

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Quicker!

anniegetyerfun March 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm

I hardly know 'er!

Blueb4sunrise March 13, 2012 at 9:53 pm
Schmegeg March 13, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Hey, Alabama and Mississippi! Want to renegotiate that whole secession thing?

Come here a minute March 13, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Thank the FSM that it is a "lifetime between now and the election". Are you promising I will die first, CNN woman? THANK YOU!

littlebigdaddy March 13, 2012 at 9:20 pm

OMG, WaPo actually used the phrase "three-way" in their headline. There are some 20-something newsroom workers laughing their asses off right now, while more mature people are blowing chunks.

Come here a minute March 13, 2012 at 9:22 pm

WIth "just a little bit" reporting, I am officially calling it!

1. Rick
2. Newt
3. Mitt

The winner is the Wonkett!

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 13, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Two papists, a mormon and Ron Paul. Those poor, dumb evangelicals must be so confused. Wait, that reminds me of a joke. Two papists, a mormon and ron paul walk into a bar …

littlebigdaddy March 13, 2012 at 9:38 pm

And they all said "ow" because it was an iron bar.

Steverino247 March 13, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Two baby seals walk into a club…

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 13, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I'm still working out the middle part but I can tell you guys the punchline.

"No don't worry, she's my wife!"

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 9:23 pm

CNN has a black man in the vote tally room in Mississippi! Does nobody down there no how to set up a perimeter?!

chascates March 13, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Is he being watched by three white deputy sheriffs?

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I predict tonight's winners will be unbearable assholes.

Come here a minute March 13, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Too easy.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 9:28 pm

I like easy.

DarwinianDemon March 13, 2012 at 10:06 pm

That's like predicting a Republican will turn out to be a rich white guy.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 10:09 pm

"That's like predicting a Republican will turn out to be a rich white Christian guy."

FIFY.

DarwinianDemon March 13, 2012 at 10:13 pm

"That's like predicting a Republican will turn out to be a rich white Christian "Straight" *wink wink* guy"

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 10:23 pm

That's like predicting the "rich white Christian 'Straight' *wink wink* Republican guy " will turn up in the 3rd stall of the Men's Room of the Butte airport with a serious case of epididymis lips.

imissopus March 13, 2012 at 9:25 pm

The test is pretty simple. Is the program so critical, it's worth borrowing money from china to pay for it? And on that basis of course…Planned Parenthood, we're going to get rid of that.

Oh Mitt. Nobody panders like you when you run your PANDER.EXE file.

littlebigdaddy March 14, 2012 at 12:03 am

That was one of the big upgrades with Mittbot 2.0, along with regional voice emulation software.

chascates March 13, 2012 at 9:25 pm

WashPost: Approximately eight in 10 voters in today’s Alabama and Mississippi presidential primaries identify themselves as evangelical Christians, according to preliminary exit polls, the highest percentage of evangelicals in any early voting state to date.

After the Rapture both states will be pretty empty but still not worth repopulating due to how fucked up the aforementioned citizenry made the place.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Why in the hell are we looking at John King doing his maths on the big TV screen with his finger in awful red penmanship?!

Jukesgrrl March 13, 2012 at 10:33 pm

I just saw his wife scribbling, too, and her writing is scary. I turned the channel. I'd rather listen to Cenk Uygur blow his top.

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Ah crap. Now I have to watch CNN. See the SACRIFICES I MAKE, Wonkette?

rocktonsam March 13, 2012 at 9:43 pm

c-spans has teh politico live. FUNNIEZ!!

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 9:47 pm

i lurves teh c-spanz.

user-of-owls March 13, 2012 at 9:30 pm

We're not allowed to say it anymore.

gullywompr March 13, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Say 'que' again. Say 'que' again! I dare you! I double dare you motherfucker, say 'que' one more Goddamn time!

user-of-owls March 13, 2012 at 9:40 pm

El martillo de destierro para ti, pinche cabron!

MosesInvests March 14, 2012 at 12:01 am

I thought we weren't allowed to say "ghey" anymore. Oh, right, that's just in Tennessee.

Maman March 13, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Watching Rev. Al on Rachel. Very subtle Georgia. You can use your college id for voting but not if you go to a historically black college.

littlebigdaddy March 13, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Or your car registration unless it's for an Escalade or Chrysler 300?

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 9:36 pm

That's bizarre.

chascates March 13, 2012 at 9:36 pm

"I ran into Ku Klux Klan and the threat of hurricanes, and those two things made me decide not to build on the Alabama coast, so we came back to Memphis."
–Shelby Foote

DerrickWildcat March 13, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I think Alabama will beat Mississippi.

Geminisunmars March 14, 2012 at 1:14 am

Who are you rooting for, Derrick?

DerrickWildcat March 14, 2012 at 1:34 am

Well, I will root for Alabama in this circumstance.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Chichikovovich, it's going down RIGHT NOW!! Wolf is interviewing Mittens on CNN!! The Rise Of The Machines!!

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Vote for me if you want to live.

RadioStalingrad March 13, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Life imitating art.

LiveToServeYa March 14, 2012 at 9:51 am

I don't think Romney really represents either.

Biff March 13, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Only 22 minutes to "Justified", thankfully.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Wolf and Mitt seem confused. They were both programmed to speak with a human tonight.

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Goddammit, that's NOT how a Turing test works!

chascates March 13, 2012 at 9:41 pm

I think some Republicans (Gingrich for a start) believe we should think of leaving Afghanistan just so we'll have the manpower to start a war with Syria or Iran.
Can't we fight someplace nicer for a change? Bermuda maybe?

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Soldiers: If you enjoyed the $20billion/yr we spent on AC in the Mid East, wait till we add humidity!

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Wow, that is rude and offensive and not even vaguely true.

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 9:52 pm

I wonder how Santorum likes everyone saying he's in a three-way tonight?
Also.

chascates March 13, 2012 at 9:55 pm

He thinks of a three-way as the Father, the Son, and the Friendly Ghost.

Loaded_Pants March 13, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Big Daddy, Junior, and Casper.

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 10:09 pm

"Holy ghost, this is not an episode of Scooby Doo."

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Guy on MSNBC just stole my joke!

Steverino247 March 13, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Well, so much for squeezing Newt out of the race if he comes in second. What a mittastrophe, though, it is for Romulan to come in third.

Oh, and Ron Paul remained flat.

RadioStalingrad March 13, 2012 at 9:59 pm

It's better than squeezing out Santorum.

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Santorum flows over Alabama, Mittens in third place!

littlebigdaddy March 13, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Is this a worse environmental crisis than BP? (The DP enviro crisis?)

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 9:58 pm

NBC calls Alabama for Santorum. Roll Frothy Tide!!

littlebigdaddy March 13, 2012 at 10:01 pm

That'll kill all the shramp.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 10:35 pm

"They call Alabama the Frothy Tide,"

"Call me Deacon Blue!"

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 10:00 pm
Biff March 13, 2012 at 10:00 pm

'bama loves santorum!

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Steve Schmidt has no southern accent, what was Woody Harrelson trying to pull in "Game Change"?

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Whereever the fuck his "Cheers" character was from.

horsedreamer_1 March 13, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Hanover, Indiana?

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Yeah, there.

DarwinianDemon March 13, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Could Santorum win both Alabama and Mississippi? Do the gods love me that much?

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 10:04 pm

I do hope so.

DarwinianDemon March 13, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I vote next Tuesday in IL. I'm torn…on the one hand I'd love to cast a vote for Frothy. On the other, as we have a semi-open primary here it would be on record FOREVER and I might have to kill a hobo and steal her identity then

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Kill a hobo and steal her identity to vote? Maybe you ARE a Republican.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 10:01 pm

I'm going to watch Raylan Givens seriously kick some Hillbilly ass now.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 10:02 pm

I tried getting into that the first season, just didn't trip my trigger.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I think I like them because of the character and story development. And the fact that I don't have to live there.

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 10:19 pm

We're working our way through the second season right now. It's better than most of the popular drama shows, IMO. I'm comparing to "Walking Dead" and "Sons of Anarchy". We sent those back after the first couple episodes.

It reminds me of "Dexter" and "Burn Notice", in that all the central characters are complicated crime fighters.

correction edit: Just dawned on me that we DID watch the first season of the zombie show (6 episodes?). 50/50 we put the next one on the queue.

C_R_Eature March 14, 2012 at 6:51 am

I got caught up in the 2nd season 1/3 of the way through and had to catch up with the 1st season via streaming. It was worth it.

Geminisunmars March 14, 2012 at 1:20 am

I love the good, honest violence.

And Quarles having a captive rentboy, while looking republican.

C_R_Eature March 14, 2012 at 6:53 am

Yes, that Quarles captive slave beating really creeps me out. It makes me think that Santorum's into some really indescribably sick shit.

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Lawrence O'Wossname is enjoying saying "three-way" far, far, too much.

Steverino247 March 13, 2012 at 10:02 pm

The only good things to happen in Alabama were the conception of my older son and my winning a small claims court judgment against a Huntsville furniture store that thought it was going rip off yet another soldier.

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 10:08 pm

I had a boyfriend form Alabama when I first moved to the States and we drove from Houston to Monroeville and it was very scary as people were really staring at me, he was black, , until people heard me talk and then they were all "Meh, she's foreign and not one of our women".

Steverino247 March 13, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Yup. I was in Huntsville in 1976 and the black troops couldn't play golf off the base. We beat the shit out of their semi-pro football teams, though, because they were afraid of our guys. Needless to say, we had to play all our games at home.

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 10:18 pm

This was in 1993! Not really all that long ago, it was incredibly shocking to me.

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 10:05 pm

"We have a real barn-burner here in Mississippi!" sez the guy on MSNBC.

Anyone else here just want to throw a Faulkner anthology at him?

chascates March 13, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Barns, crosses, people . . . Mississippi is a pyromaniac's dream.

DarwinianDemon March 13, 2012 at 10:10 pm

WGN is really pushing Romney as "the guy" with "I can't believe how awesome he is doing in the South! WOW! He's going to win this! They haven't counted the rich areas of Mississippi yet!"

I haven't heard someone try and sell something this hard since my mom was trying to unload those psychic friends network videos my grandma bought.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 10:11 pm

At least he didn't say "real tree-hanger". probably just a matter of time, though.

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 10:08 pm

OT: Anyone wanna see my schadenfreude video of the day?

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 10:08 pm

CNN's Black Guy in Mississippi is hiding in a broom closet while doing this update!! He's afraid the old white guy behind him is going to rat him out!!

chascates March 13, 2012 at 10:09 pm

One site I found had Roy Moore leading in the Alabama Justice race. Anyone else heard this?

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 10:15 pm

It was on MSNBC earlier. So, yeah.

mrblifil March 13, 2012 at 10:09 pm

This will be an evening of rejoicing at highway rest stops all over the South.

littlebigdaddy March 13, 2012 at 10:12 pm

I've been there, and it is extremely messy.

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 10:13 pm

They're called "Waffle Houses".

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 10:38 pm

And the Gas Stations will all be cleared out of Wine.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Dana Bash is a younger clone of Andrea Mitchell. She is secretly dating Bernanke.

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Bernanke has more charisma than John King.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Oh Jeez, she's married to John King? Can they get anybody to come to their dinner parties?!

Fukui-sanYesOta March 13, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Invitee: You can make all the invitations you want, and I'll go the the parties I want

John King, pussy: Fair enough

DCBloom March 13, 2012 at 10:13 pm

He was a Very nice boy… He used to Cut my grass.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 10:19 pm

It's just too bad he didn't stick closer to Church-Oriented Activities.

And stopped listening to that Music.

Come here a minute March 13, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Santorum "will have done winified" AL and MS. Because frothy is as frothy does.

fuflans March 13, 2012 at 10:20 pm

we watched the last (season 1) game of thrones tonight.

arya stark would TOTALLY kick mittens' ass.

hell any lannister would kick mittens' ass.

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 10:40 pm

That's out on DVD now? Sweet. I read all those books about 10 years ago. They're awesome if you're into "fantasy" genre.

chascates March 13, 2012 at 10:23 pm

See Rick Perry's arm sling? Look's like he got 'rear-ended'.

Fare la Volpe March 13, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Terry Gross is as interesting as snails and even less acute.

NellCote71 March 13, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Thank god. I thought all of us liberals were supposed to just love Terry Gross by default. And all along I thought it was just me. I love it when Fresh Air has a substitute host.

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Ooh! Ask Ms. Gingrich Cushman how her gay aunt is gonna vote!!!

Steverino247 March 13, 2012 at 10:26 pm

The red color in that Rose Bowl picture comes from the rednecks of Santorum voters, yes?

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Gomer Santorum speaks!

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Honorary Cajun= blackened frothy mixture

DarwinianDemon March 13, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Was it just my imagination or yesterday were people predicting Romney was going to take both of these states?

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Santorum's talking. But you know what, he'd have to piss me off one hell of a lot to get me more angry than I was while trying to navigate the voice-activated menu on Sallie Mae's customer service line earlier today…

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Santorum is trying to "twang", isn't that disgusting.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 10:44 pm

"Twang" Santorum. It sounds like the worst kind.

Barrelhse March 13, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Twang your magic twanger, Froggy.

NYNYNYjr March 13, 2012 at 10:37 pm

ENTER SAN-MAN

That's what the NY post would say if someone from metallica endorsed rick.

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 10:38 pm

One might almost think that BP also had something to do with the damage done to the LA economy.

C_R_Eature March 14, 2012 at 6:54 am

Oh, that's all cleaned up now. Haven't you seen the commercials?

glamourdammerung March 14, 2012 at 6:57 am

Thankfully, Republicans will put up with any horrible behavior by their own so Joe Barton's seat should be safe and he can apologize to BP in case anyone hurt their widdle feelings.

WiscDad March 13, 2012 at 10:44 pm

I'm ecstatic!!! Santorum for loser 2012!!!

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Oh, the Prussian Blue/Taylor Swift Twins girls were going up onstage with their guitars right when the Santorums were walking off. Why does the liberal media hate faux-country music?!

NellCote71 March 13, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Oh, now I get it. It's a band. Someone on another thread mentioned how much they hated Prussian Blue, and I had a sad that someone could hate such a pretty color so much.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 13, 2012 at 11:08 pm

The band was named for the discoloration on gas chamber walls, which is prussian blue.

horsedreamer_1 March 13, 2012 at 11:24 pm

They have disavowed their meth'd out mom & stepfather's disgusting politics, though they're still fuzzy on the Holocaust.

NellCote71 March 13, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Y'all couldn't just leave me with my innocence could you? As I said, I just now figured they were a band, and now I have to go google them. Sigh.

chascates March 13, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Since Newt won second in both southern contests he can claim he'll stay in now. And Ron Paul wants to stay in just to irritate people get his ideas across.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 10:51 pm

NBC calls Ole Miss for Santorum! She is a nasty, nasty girl!

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 10:52 pm

The South will writhe again!

chascates March 13, 2012 at 10:53 pm

The eventual GOP nominee might do OK in November if there are 3rd, 4th, and 5th parties fielding credible candidates.

NYNYNYjr March 13, 2012 at 10:53 pm

I love you Santoclaus!

Barrelhse March 13, 2012 at 10:53 pm

"Rick is high on the real thing: a clean windshield, a full tank of gasoline, and a shoeshine!"

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 10:57 pm

OMG Frothy wins Mississippi.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 13, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Rmoney third in both states, by the look of it.

And so the clown jamboree glitter-buckets its way forward.

NellCote71 March 13, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Love the imagery: "the clown jamboree glitter-buckets its way forward."

DahBoner March 14, 2012 at 10:38 am

But those stains on his tie don't look like Cheesey Grits…

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Newt's wife is reading a speech on CNN. She could sharpen knives with her lips.

chascates March 13, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Or her hair.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Or her nose.

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 11:00 pm

God, I despise this fat fuck and his vile harlot.

littlebigdaddy March 13, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Does she emasculate men she gives blowjobs to (their names shall be legion)?

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Did Newt just thank Jabba?

NYNYNYjr March 13, 2012 at 11:12 pm

"When everyone else had given up on me, Jabba said, well, I guess I'll take a chance on this little bounty hunter. I'll never forgive you Hut. You're what Alabama is all about."

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Newt's got two negroes and an Asian behind him! That's exceptional!

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 5:25 am

Where the FUCK did the Republizard Parteh find two actual live Knee Growz? You sure those doods ain't, like, taxidermied and stuff?

Negropolis March 14, 2012 at 9:10 am

I hate how campaigns do this. It's so shamelessly cynical.

Loaded_Pants March 13, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Obama's having a very good night.

That's all I got, people. See all y'all tomorrow! I'm off to view porn & then it's sleepytime for me.

chascates March 13, 2012 at 11:02 pm

WAIT! Hawaii's results should be in 4-5 hours from now.

littlebigdaddy March 13, 2012 at 11:20 pm

If you have any hot porn recommendations, be sure to let us know.

Barrelhse March 13, 2012 at 11:02 pm

I wonder if I put all my faith in Jesus if I could become president.
But why the fuck would I want to do either one of those things?

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Two Dollar Fifty Cent Gasoline is Newt's new wife!!

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 11:11 pm

When Newt's wife went out whorin' and came back with a hundred dollars in $1 bills and quarters, a bemused Newt asked "Who gave you quarters?"
Newt's wife replied, "All of them, Newtie."

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Newt's getting really detailed, which means the lie is growing ever more fantabulous!!

gullywompr March 13, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Note to future campaign managers looking for a southern strategy – nobody's ever heard of a grits cook-off. That shit's almost as bland as Romney.

BBQ, man. BBQ…

chascates March 13, 2012 at 11:18 pm

I'm pretty fond of grits but the accepted method for the uninitiated is a casserole mainly of grits, cheese, and jalapenos or serranos.

gullywompr March 13, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Grits are as lifeless as a conservative woman's koochie-snorcher unless combined with something else. Butter, cheese, shrimp, something….

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Yes, of course, when one says "I love grits", one means the dish, not the fucking ingredient.

FROTHY March 14, 2012 at 5:35 am

Dood, you sure we couldn't find some bhoot jolokia for Mittens?

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 11:05 pm

"Bow to the Saudi King" is Newt and Callista's favorite dress-up game!

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 11:05 pm

"It's not what he doesn't know that bothers me, it's what he knows for sure that just ain't so"

Will Rogers, actually. Reagan never said it, although, hey, Walter Mondale DID say it, of Reagan.

And Mondale cited his source.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 11:08 pm

How you know it's a lie: Newt said it.

anniegetyerfun March 14, 2012 at 8:52 am

Surely this was pointed out by someone on the teevee, yes?

Doktor Zoom March 14, 2012 at 9:33 am

Oh god, you're hilarious! I'm about to laugh myself silly here!

littlebigdaddy March 13, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Apparently, the santorum is consolidating. Does this mean it is harder to clean up?

bitchincamaro2 March 13, 2012 at 11:06 pm

"No more bowin' to a Saudi King." We are in Bush bashin' territory here, Newt.

anniegetyerfun March 14, 2012 at 8:52 am

That would be kissing and hand-holding.

Jukesgrrl March 13, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Rmoney is threatening to kill the next person who says the word "grits."

DarwinianDemon March 13, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Unless they live in Louisiana in which case He loves grits, he loves to hear you say grits, can he get you some grits? He will make sure there are grits in every house as president.

Jukesgrrl March 13, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Maybe he should try lovin' voodoo in Louisiana.

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Newt Gas? Is that when he plays Dutch Ovens with Callista?

bitchincamaro2 March 13, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Newt on MSNBC, humbled by a poor slob willing to borrow a couple of bucks to donate to this grifting weanie. Go Rick.

Jukesgrrl March 13, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Rick and Karen are going to celebrate by having another babby.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 11:11 pm

If she dies or the kid is all forehead, it's God's will.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Is Rev. Al sick? He's looking deflated and leathery.

NellCote71 March 13, 2012 at 11:27 pm

He's in the South. I am sure I would that way too. Especially tonight.

Jukesgrrl March 13, 2012 at 11:27 pm

He was talking this morning about how bad his feet hurt from trudging around Selma all weekend.

chascates March 13, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Next up on the calendar is:
Missouri on the 17th, Illinois on the 20th,
Louisiana and Puerto Rico on the 24th,
DC, Maryland, and Wisconsin on April 3rd,
Connecticut, New York, Rhode Island, Pennsylvania and Delaware on April 24th.

So it may be another 6 weeks with this group of stooges trying to knock each other off!

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 11:29 pm

I don't think Newtron will be winning any of those States, either.

FakaktaSouth March 13, 2012 at 11:18 pm

AAAAAAAAAACK – just changed the tv from where I had been catching up on Raising Hope – and googling "most liberal places to live in the US" Good. Lord. I can't say I am surprised, but I have to DRIVE on the same streets as the 200K+ people who voted for these guys. Scary scary. I TOLD you Miitt would never make it here.

I appreciate you guys for being so kind to me after my come-apart – I really do love and desperately need you all. Thank you for giving me something to cling to, somewhere sane to turn in this sea of utter bullshit and madness.

Jukesgrrl March 13, 2012 at 11:32 pm

If it's any consolation, you could fit all those people in the Penn State and Ohio State football stadiums and have room left over for the people who still like Sarah Palin.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Welcome back! You know you've found safe harbor here with us.
If it's any consolation to you at all, I'm from New Jersey. People from other states tend to step back a little when they hear that. And I've had to listen to some horrible, horrible things.
It's really not all that bad, just like all the other places I've ever been that's had a bad rep. There's good things everywhere, too.

Barrelhse March 14, 2012 at 12:31 am

I do enjoy the irony of being somewhere sane to turn.

weej_bain March 13, 2012 at 11:30 pm

The streets of Salt Lake City are strangely silent, 'ceptin' the OWS camporee. Do feel like a stranger in a very strange land. Way to go Frothy, six moar weeks of stupidity.

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Romney got Samoa delegates tonight.

Biff March 13, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Those are Girl Scout cookies, right?

C_R_Eature March 14, 2012 at 6:58 am

I've always wanted to go there for the palolo swarm.
Guy I used to work with did a Peace Corps stint there & he had pictures. Awesome.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Everything is just so eye-rollingly amusing to Erin Burnett!

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Including, I hope, her own terrible reporting.

AddHomonym March 13, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Her and her green dress won the evening, for my money.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 11:49 pm

Only because Tamron wasn't on.

Barrelhse March 14, 2012 at 12:34 am

She saw your DICK?

Chet Kincaid March 14, 2012 at 2:13 pm

To what do I owe this pleasantry, asshole? Since we're being cordial, my 121p tells your 109 to go insert itself up your rectum. I will now go back to never noticing you.

littlebigdaddy March 13, 2012 at 11:46 pm

OK, here is more evidence of 20-something newsroom interns. In the NYT, the Santorum counties in Miss and Ala are color coded brown. Get it?!

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 11:46 pm

BUT WHO'S GONNA WIN HAWAII!?!?

(Romney.)

MadBrahms March 14, 2012 at 12:15 am

WHERE'S THE ELECTORAL DELEGATE CERTIFICATE?

BarackMyWorld March 14, 2012 at 4:56 am

Called it.

Negropolis March 14, 2012 at 9:06 am

To be fair, these kind of places have called themselves, really. Romney seems to be the default candidate in all of the obscure, far-flung uncontested primaries, mostly because he's the only one with any kind of recognition having been running for president forever.

HistoriCat March 14, 2012 at 11:50 am

Plus Mormon presence, plus fewer evangelical fundies.

BarackMyWorld March 14, 2012 at 4:44 pm

(That was kind of the joke, guys. After hours of "nail-biting" contests, no one gives a crap about predictable Hawaii…)

obfuscator2 March 13, 2012 at 11:48 pm

the delegate math remains essentially unchanged. mittens is still mostly inevitable, but tonight santorum can strut and preen, presenting his sweater vest plumage. finishing second also allows the doughy faced beady eyed whore diamond collector to continue to be pulled forward in rick's frothy wake*.

*with his creepy billionaire benefactor's help

littlebigdaddy March 14, 2012 at 12:00 am

Haha, Mittens "Cheezy Gritz" Rmoney finished a distant third in both states. Does this mean he has to wait for a judicially-contested pardon from Haley Barbour?

proudgrampa March 14, 2012 at 12:01 am

Well, my guess is that it is probably still Romney. The only thing is that tonight will turn Santorum into an insufferable asshole for awhile.

johnnyzhivago March 14, 2012 at 12:03 am

Needz moar debates!

MadBrahms March 14, 2012 at 12:05 am

NYT: While voters in the two Southern states were divided on their preferred Republican presidential candidate, they found more agreement on the top quality they were looking for: the ability to defeat President Obama. In both states, exit polls found, Mr. Romney had a strong electability edge. (See also Liz at 8:32)

If he had such a "strong" edge, why did he come in third? This leads me to two conclusions: polls are unreliable bullshit (see also the majority of americans supposedly opposing insurance coverage for contraception), and the New York Times is inching ever-closer to being a fish-wrap.

BarackMyWorld March 14, 2012 at 12:05 am

Hey, cool…a new late edition episode of Rachel Maddow…

DustBowlBlues March 14, 2012 at 12:29 am

You made me very sad, thinking about all the fun times I could've had with the wonkeratti tonight.

BarackMyWorld March 14, 2012 at 12:06 am

Not yet.

MadBrahms March 14, 2012 at 12:06 am

I think you misspelled "broken"

smokefilledroommate March 14, 2012 at 12:09 am

Newt ain't gonna quit. He knows he can't win so he's just gonna be a vote-splitter for the rest of the race. Trademark douchebag Newt-move.

gullywompr March 14, 2012 at 12:18 am

A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged… GINGRICH!!!

Negropolis March 14, 2012 at 12:11 am

Well, I got my jollies in, tonight. Romney was polling first or second in both of these are recently as yesterday, and came in third in both. That's all I really ever ask for.

That said, I find it bizarre that a someone like Ron Paul — someone that would have easily been an acceptable president of the Confederacy, or at least a Jim Crow governor — couldn't even muster up double digits in the secession states.

gullywompr March 14, 2012 at 12:12 am

Non Paul.

glamourdammerung March 14, 2012 at 12:28 am

But the paultards "won" in the Virgin Islands.

Sometimes, the jokes write themselves.

Negropolis March 14, 2012 at 12:46 am

Huh?

glamourdammerung March 14, 2012 at 2:44 am

Ron Paul managed to "win" one contest so far and managed to somehow screw that up as well (Romney got more delegates).

http://blog.chron.com/txpotomac/2012/03/ron-paul-

Negropolis March 14, 2012 at 2:55 am

Thanks for clarifying. All I heard was that Romney had won the AVIs, and figured it was the popular vote.

HistoriCat March 14, 2012 at 11:52 am

And here I thought you were going for the "virgin" connection.

DarwinianDemon March 14, 2012 at 12:46 am

Yes, Romney declaring he was going to win Alabama and the media following suit made this night that much sweeter. I love gorging myself on the tears of moderate Republicans everywhere.

Negropolis March 14, 2012 at 1:15 am

I tell you, I was nearly in tears after Romney's razor-thin wins in Michigan and Ohio.

DarwinianDemon March 14, 2012 at 1:52 am

"You might be shaking the president's hand," Mr. Romney told a man in Mobile, where a rainstorm forced his supporters to seek shelter on the porch of a cafe
http://maddowblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/13/

Fukui-sanYesOta March 14, 2012 at 2:36 am

"Do you smell that scent? That's money. Inhale hard, my friend, because you'll never smell it again."

NellCote71 March 14, 2012 at 2:10 am

The moderate Republicans, both of them, deserve this for letting their party devolve to this level.

smokefilledroommate March 14, 2012 at 12:25 am

Strangely enough, I'd rather see Romney against Obama than Santorum… Santorum's just too damn religious and podunky not to win a majority of votes in the south (as we're seeing). Romney is seen as an elitist (I wonder why?) but so is Obama. Obama vs. Moral Orel could be a bad thing–they like Rick's Jeebus Love and his special needs kid. He seems down to earth to them; the religious underdog in a secular world, plus it's the right kind of religion, not that batshit Mormon crap. Barry would look like a big know-it-all elitist meanie when he wiped the floor with Rick's misogynist Catholic ass in a debate. IMO, these people feel sorry for Santorum, not to mention he's probably viewed as the last of a dying breed of unabashedly religious candidates, and that's why they vote for him.

bikerlaureate March 14, 2012 at 12:25 am

That's the same as "lobbyist-financed," right?

DustBowlBlues March 14, 2012 at 12:27 am

I was so tired tonight that I watched Game Change with my husband and didn't have energy to type. But knowing that the santorum is flowing in Miss and Ala, I had to pop in and say: Yay, Santorum, he'll be easier to freak-afy and beat! Boo, Bad. Just read a monito story about the strengths of a Mittens/Icky Stuff ticket.

Campaigns are fucking roller-coasters, even to those of us whose only connection with it is when we scream especially loud at the teevee machine.

DarwinianDemon March 14, 2012 at 12:32 am

I thought that was every Republican convention?

DustBowlBlues March 14, 2012 at 12:37 am

The only "brokered" convention I remember that was worthy entertainment was JFK in 1960, when I was 12 and convinced John Kennedy was Jesus, only better looking than the first incarnation. RFK hopping around the floor, making deals as the votes went on. Robert Kerr, our great earmarking senator, was our favorite son. A giant white paper ball was passed around by people holding it over their heads and passing it on to another person with their arms up. It was Stevenson's people, promoting the snowballing support for Adlai to get the nom.

My mother, evidently convinced that the third time is the charm, was pulling for Stevenson, our family's Democratic Saint Reagan, so revered was he by–us. I was for Kennedy and my father was torn between the two.

Nitey, all. I'm going to have to quit holding my breath because by November, I might have given myself a stroke from intermittent oxygen deprivation.

DerrickWildcat March 14, 2012 at 12:46 am

I believe that Mitt Romney will prevail in Hawaii because there are many Mormons and Japanese that live there.

DrunkIrishman March 14, 2012 at 12:51 am

Mitt Romney is soooo fucked.

BarackMyWorld March 14, 2012 at 1:04 am

He still has a bunch of delegate-heavy, big state primaries he'll probably win (states Obama will carry in November, such as California, New York, Illinois).

DrunkIrishman March 14, 2012 at 3:04 am

Well I meant in general…

DerrickWildcat March 14, 2012 at 12:57 am

Mitt Romney will win over Hawaii voters because he likes Cheesy Poi.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 14, 2012 at 1:45 am

"Who amongst us didn't feel that was an ailing oceanic liquid transfer, um, brah? Let us hang loosely"

Fukui-sanYesOta March 14, 2012 at 2:32 am

"A buddy of mine owns Lana'i"

Sharkey March 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm

"Kahuna are people too, my friend."

Doktor Zoom March 14, 2012 at 9:36 am

Christ, what an asshaole.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 14, 2012 at 4:23 am

Looks like Rmoney takes Hawai'i with an awesome 1700 votes after 70% complete.

And not a single fuck was given by anyone

Jukesgrrl March 14, 2012 at 4:44 am

I've been doing some reading this evening about voting in Alabama. It seems there are six counties in the state where the number of registered voters exceeds the number of adults in the county of voting age. Census statistics for 2010, however, reveal that 30 counties LOST population and much of new added population is Latino immigrants, people who are unlikely to be registered to vote. Reader comments under the articles about this phenomenon blamed it on ACORN. But funny, these voters overwhelmingly choose Republican candidates. What were those ACORN folks smokin'?

Even the most cursory look at statistics points to the fact that something funny is going on. Alabama happily announced just recently that it had registered its three millionth voter. Seems like a lot given census statistics list the total population of the state at 4.7 million. Their Abortionplex must be HUGE.

Negropolis March 14, 2012 at 9:04 am

This is actually pretty common, particularly in places losing population at a steady clip. I know that as later as last year there were more registered voters on the rolls in Detroit, for instance, than there adults in the city after the 2010 Census came out, with the problem being that it's hard to keep up the rolls when people are moving out so quickly, and sometimes not registering in their new community for months, and that's even if they stay in the state to begin with.

We have an antiquated way of doing elections in this nation to put it kindly. If anyone ever really did want to do mass voter fraud, they could certainly get away with it in a lot of states.

Jukesgrrl March 14, 2012 at 5:56 pm

That makes sense. Low-tech explains a lot of things in government, doesn't it?

DahBoner March 14, 2012 at 7:24 am

Check implants

KNOCK KNOCK?

finallyhappy March 14, 2012 at 7:31 am

Call me when the GOP comes up with something to pay attention to for this thing. I'm going to see fish today. Pretty sure, most of them have IQs higher than yesterday's voters(and I'm not talking the dolphins -who are much smarter than the GOP candidates)

tessiee March 14, 2012 at 9:40 am

"An unhappy former spokesperson with a decent tan, for this time of year"

Is he unhappy because he's afraid that someone will interpret "decent tan for this time of year" as "blah"?

Negropolis March 14, 2012 at 9:43 am

Steve "I vote like a 45-year-old black woman" Cohen libel!

ttommyunger March 15, 2012 at 5:25 pm

"What Mississippi, Alabama Think Of 4 (Still 4!) Guys In Ties." Don't know about that, but since I'm tapping this out on Thursday afternoon, I can tell you what they think of one dork in mom jeans…

user-of-owls March 13, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Celoso…

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 9:31 pm

"And one day i heard him muttering 'It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.' under his breath. I still don't know what that means."

Steverino247 March 13, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Achtung, baby! <clicks heels sharply>

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Lifts dirndl and leans submissively over large, oak desk.

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 9:54 pm

I'll be quiet as a namako.

Steverino247 March 13, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Ve haff veys of making you kum, fraulein! You vill moan und you vill like it!

I forgot. Is this session to be with or without light spanking?

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Dammit, I tried to get you into a dirndl once, and you didn't want to play!

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Mitt spanking , if a riding crop is involved and you have a duelling scar on your cheek.

Steverino247 March 13, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I got ziss scar from the University at Heidelberg.
http://www.uni-heidelberg.de/index_e.html for details.

And now, for the oral exam. A little wider, please. Gut!

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Sorry, baby, but in “our” fantasy I am an agent in Occupied France and wouldn't wear a dirndl, I would be in some Frenchy ensemble.

Steverino247 March 13, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Did I hear something? Is there someone else in ziss room? Uberschtuppenfuehrer Steverino orders you to leave this fantasy at once!

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 10:18 pm

(Sulks away playing a lonely tune on his blues harp)

C_R_Eature March 13, 2012 at 11:17 pm

I'm going to steal Uberschtuppenfuehrer, because it's just that good.
I'll credit you when I use it though.

Loaded_Pants March 13, 2012 at 10:25 pm

I used to read a lot of horror fiction back in the day. The more descriptive the better. Some of it was very gory stuff.
But none of it produced such a feeling of foreboding like O'Connor's stuff which I read many years later (I hate to admit that I didn't actually read her until I was in my 30s).

HistoriCat March 14, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Sorry BMW – didn't mean to step on your joke.

Designer_Rants March 14, 2012 at 5:29 pm

No, but thanks. I'll show it to the wife; she lurves teh reality teevees. Maybe we'll have a new series to watch.

BarackMyWorld March 14, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Thay's ok. It wasn't funny.

HistoriCat March 14, 2012 at 11:36 pm

It spawned several increasingly awkward knockoffs (Frontier House, Colonial House, etc.) but the 1900 House was really good.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: