SWEET JUDY BLUE EYES  3:42 pm March 13, 2012

Gretchen Carlson All Hung Up on Her Right to Buy Sudafed

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Breaking, Bad.With her eyes bugging out of her head just so — that’s how you know when she means BIZNESS! — Gretchen Carlson took a whack or 40 at Eric Holder, the Justice Department, and anybody in the world who would, say, see terrible stories about 96-year-old ladies being denied the ID they’d need to vote because they were born before birth certificates or something, and think ‘Hmmm, I would not like that to happen to my own 96-year-old mother, and is voter fraud even really a problem anyway, it probably isn’t since James O’Keefe says it is.’ Hold it right there, SIR! Gretchen Carlson has a thing or five to yell at you!

Now why Ol’ Gretch is so hung up on Sudafed is anyone’s guess. She doesn’t seem like a meth monster to us, but maybe she don’t get high on her own supply.

At any rate, Gretchen and FOX would like to remind you, and remind you, and remind you that vote fraud is not at all a thing made up by Republicans to make it harder for the poor and minorities to vote — or, as rightwing sludgetalker Neal Boortz has it, “worms in a dog’s butt should not be voting.” (Okay, according to Tom Junod it was, “The situation in this country is like a dog with worms. You bring the dog to the vet to be dewormed, but the vet is Dr. Obama, and he says you can’t get the dog dewormed because the worms have a vote. And that’s the problem, folks: the worms have a vote.”)

Here’s Gretchen, for you to fap to.

[MediaMatters]

 

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{ 201 comments }

nounverb911 March 13, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Tomorrows NY Post headline:

GRETCHEN CARLSON OPENS FIRST BRISTOL METH FRANCHISE IN NYC!

actor212 March 13, 2012 at 3:54 pm

So that's why the Palin jeune filles are opening a beauty parlor, as a front?

oldedinvn March 13, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Here in Hanoi I bought some crappy oranges today. Obamas fault.
PS. Gret, you were lousy in bed last month.
Yeah, my fault. I could not hold the mirror so you could watch your own self.

Tsunami Ali March 13, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Call the product Bristol Blue Persuasion, you'll make tons.

edgydrifter March 13, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Does Palin's tapeworm get a vote?

nounverb911 March 13, 2012 at 3:51 pm

They seem to be voting in Alabama and Mississippi today.

Oblios_Cap March 13, 2012 at 3:51 pm

hookworm

Fare la Volpe March 13, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Imagine if she had both and they were roommates. I smell a wacky sitcom spin-off!

We'll call it Runts in a Cunt.

Madfall March 13, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Palin's tapeworm is busy working the controls in her head.

BaldarTFlagass March 13, 2012 at 3:46 pm

So, if you're not a White Republican in this country, you're a worm in a dog's ass? Is that the takeaway?

anniegetyerfun March 13, 2012 at 3:49 pm

If you're white – Democrats of color are merely the parasites inside a worm's intestinal track.

Oblios_Cap March 13, 2012 at 3:58 pm

And wallowing in puppy santorum? That's just nutz!

Generation[redacted] March 13, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Death to the fascist insects who prey upon my dog's butt!

slowhansolo March 13, 2012 at 3:47 pm

It's not vote tampering if the state legislature does it, eh Pennsylvania?

Baconzgood March 13, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Hey that not ni….Oh you're right.

nounverb911 March 13, 2012 at 3:48 pm

"Here’s Gretchen, for you to fap to."
Gretchen causes shrinkage faster than a dip in the ocean on New Year's Day.

actor212 March 13, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I've seen sexier blow up dolls.

Oblios_Cap March 13, 2012 at 3:59 pm

The sheep ones look better than her.

actor212 March 13, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Well, maybe.

MaxNeanderthal March 13, 2012 at 5:44 pm

That face just screams "I've just sat too hard on the end of my butt plug…"

Clancy_Pants March 13, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Buy cigarettes, alcohol, Sudafed then get a motel room? And what crawled up her ass anyway?..

..Does it get to vote?

Baconzgood March 13, 2012 at 4:06 pm

"Buy cigarettes, alcohol, Sudafed then get a motel room"

Actually that sounds like a start to a pretty good weekend.

actor212 March 13, 2012 at 4:17 pm

She does seem rather stuffy, true.

Perhaps she needs some Sudafed.

Callyson March 13, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Seriously–while all of those purchases sound like fun, last I checked we didn't fight the Revolutionary War so we could smoke, drink, and drug ourselves in an "Overnight or short stay?" dump…

e_z March 13, 2012 at 4:44 pm

"what crawled up her ass anyway?.. "

Good question. 'Some people say' that explains why Doocy was missing….

rocktonsam March 13, 2012 at 6:17 pm

what crawled up her ass and made it really fat?

BaldarTFlagass March 13, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Hmm. My computer won't play this video. Which is probably just as well.

Nostrildamus March 13, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Computers just keep getting smarter.

Callyson March 13, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Trust me, you don't want to hear this crap.

DrunkIrishman March 13, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I dated a girl who looked like a younger Gretchen Carlson. Even almost wore the same hairdo, but it was more poofy.

I still hate myself for that.

Isyaignert March 13, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I think Gretchen Carlson is beautiful; that's why she got her job at Fux News. Happy St. Patty's Day DrunkIrishman!

BaldarTFlagass March 13, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I hope at least you got some bukake out of it.

SorosBot March 13, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Funny, I haven't been asked to show an ID to buy alcohol or cigarettes in many, many years – oh fuck I'm old.

bumfug March 13, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Go to Columbia County, GA – those assholes will deny a 75 year-old person a bottle of wine if they don't like their ID. They check every single time because It's The Law.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I heard they put a barcode scanner up your hoo-ha down there if you wanna buy smokes.

BaldarTFlagass March 13, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Me neither, except at the fucking airport bars these days. What the fuck is that about; if I'm underage do they think I am going to get drunk and steal a 737 and go out for a joyride?

nounverb911 March 13, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Was that you in Atlanta this morning?

BaldarTFlagass March 13, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Ha! And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!

actor212 March 13, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Used to be, I could just take my hat off and show the fringe of graying hair around my elegant balding pate and that would pass for ID, but not anymore!

Thanks alot, steroid addled teens!

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 4:25 pm

It Gets Worse!™

Sassomatic March 13, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Huh. Now how in the hell is Mitt going to figure out how to pander to dog-butt worms?

Fare la Volpe March 13, 2012 at 3:51 pm

"I love to eat shit!"

MissTaken March 13, 2012 at 3:52 pm

"I have friends who own dog deworming medicine companies!". Oh wait.

actor212 March 13, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Worms are people too, my friend!

BaldarTFlagass March 13, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Trying to figure out how to work in a "dog dragging his ass on the carpet" (or "mowing the lawn" as it is called colloquially) reference here.

actor212 March 13, 2012 at 4:12 pm

See below

Generation[redacted] March 13, 2012 at 4:17 pm

"All my dog's worms wound up on the roof of my car."

bumfug March 13, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I'll cut off my dick before I fap to Gretchen Carlson.

MissTaken March 13, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Is that meth-head saying that Sudafed gives old ladies worms that want to vote?

Ruhe March 13, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Obviously, and yet your re-emphasis of the point is greatly appreciated.

memzilla March 13, 2012 at 3:50 pm

That freeze-frame of Kvetchin' Carlson is a safe birth-control device right there.

Maman March 13, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Ugh. you forgot to add Wretchin' to the list of Carlson adjectives. FML

DaRooster March 13, 2012 at 3:50 pm

With a whopping 6 (YES SIX) cases of individual voter fraud in the last election it is a definite problem (must be Hate Crimes)…

But anyway… was there any kind of tampering in the Prez election in 2000?

Diebold/Hate Crime 2012!!

Lucidamente1 March 13, 2012 at 3:50 pm

"Would you believe they asked me for ID when I tried to buy a strapon? Jeez, I told 'em I was just gonna use it on Doocy, but no, they insisted on seeing a driver's license."

Generation[redacted] March 13, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Gretchen Carlson is Breaking Bad. She was last seen smurfing sudafed at Los Pollos Hermanos.

ManchuCandidate March 13, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Hermano? Who is this Hermano??!? Oh I've made a huge mistake.

elviouslyqueer March 13, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Dear Gretchen:

Less talking, more titties. And that goes triple for you, Douchey.

No love,

EQ

actor212 March 13, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Douchey's Erotica Galumbits?

Generation[redacted] March 13, 2012 at 4:15 pm

The Douchey Donkey Show. Must show ID to get in.

Baconzgood March 13, 2012 at 3:52 pm

"[L]et's just take a look at a simple list of what we're required to show I.D. for in general society. To buy cigarettes and alcohol. To purchase an R-rated movie ticket. To even buy Sudafed now. To rent a car, to get a hotel room, and I could go on and on, Mr. Adams, even to get a beach pass in my community, you have to show several forms of I.D."

Soooo she's saying we have to show ID to vote just like when we watch Showgirls wacked out on NyQuil in a hotel room under the boardwalk after getting some Winstons and Canadian Club in our Avis car?!?!?!?!

Excuse me. Logic just ran out the door and I got to go and catch it.

anniegetyerfun March 13, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Oh, Gretchen's "community" has a nice, blue-collar beach? I didn't know that!

BaldarTFlagass March 13, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Stay out of Malibu, deadbeat! Keep your ugly fucking goldbricking ass out of my beach community!

horsedreamer_1 March 13, 2012 at 9:54 pm

[throws steaming mug of coffee at Doocy]

Generation[redacted] March 13, 2012 at 4:01 pm

What about our constitutionally protected right to porn? All men are created to whack it, endowed by their creator with unalienable boners. Those drugs not bogarted by the government, are reserved for the people, or the states.

actor212 March 13, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Give me threesomes, or give me meth!

slowhansolo March 13, 2012 at 4:08 pm

No snark: The false equivalency between rights and privileges is killing the experiment.

prommie March 13, 2012 at 4:53 pm

A guy could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.

snoopyfan2010 March 14, 2012 at 1:20 pm

You can choose not to engage in any of those activities and not have it affect your rights as a citizen but you can't or really shouldn't choose not to vote.

actor212 March 13, 2012 at 3:52 pm

What is it with these people that it's a hardship to present identification to *buy* drugs, but you should have your photo ID draped around your throat to vote?

coolhandnuke March 13, 2012 at 3:53 pm

The worms have been crawling out of Fox's butt for twenty years.

mavenmaven March 13, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Blocking sudafed purchasing for meth production is a direct attack on the GOP constituency!

Fare la Volpe March 13, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I think the more accurate metaphor would be to compare poor people to America's heart: clogged, overworked, and under tremendous pressure from years of abuse and neglect.

The correct solution is to stop shoveling so much garbage into its veins and let it fucking breathe for once. Neal Boortz's solution is to remove the heart completely – Why not? It's not like he was using the damn thing anyway.

BaldarTFlagass March 13, 2012 at 3:54 pm

What about hookworms?

actor212 March 13, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Only if they're here on an H1B visa.

prommie March 13, 2012 at 4:24 pm

H.L. Mencken used to call the South the "hookworm and pellagra belt."

Nothingisamiss March 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm

That reminds me of the proven Palin Hookworm connrection.

Oblios_Cap March 13, 2012 at 3:54 pm

The situation in this country is like a dog with worms.

I remember when the conservatives used to say liberals were always whinging. It appears that now the worm(s) have turned, since that's all those crazy assholes do.

JustPixelz March 13, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Apparently Dr. Obama is trying to please racial worm groups by saying they should be able to vote*. Unfortunately, he has forgotten those voter ID laws were passed by Repubicans to please other, non-worm racial groups. (Hint: blancos).
____________________________
* adding a cost to the act voting is de facto poll tax, which is unconstitutional in the United States of America. But allowed in the virtual reality of right-wing politics.

snoopyfan2010 March 14, 2012 at 1:18 pm

They know that we know that they know that we know. That is just the way it works.

OneYieldRegular March 13, 2012 at 3:57 pm

The Guardian UK reports that as many as 5 million Americans will be prevented from voting in 2012 thanks to these attempts at disenfranchisement masquerading as concern about "voter fraud." As my European partner pointed out after reading this, "We've guillotined people for less heinous attempts to thwart democracy."

elviouslyqueer March 13, 2012 at 3:57 pm

The situation in this country is like a dog with worms.

JERSEY SHORE LIBEL.

Fare la Volpe March 13, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Every time I look at that man's face, all I see is Droopy the Dog.

Chillatte March 13, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Hassie from The View and Gretchen must have the same plastic surgeon. Fox and ABC could swap hosts and nobody would ever notice.

SorosBot March 13, 2012 at 4:21 pm

She does have the inhuman, too-much-plastic-surgery real doll look that seems to be so in fashion among the right wing ladies these days. It's a real boner killer.

Rotundo_ March 13, 2012 at 5:19 pm

My pet theory on this is that about thirty or fourty years ago Republicans had some sort of eugenics program where they bred a line of blonde puppets like these two for future use on Faux and anywhere else they could slide one in. They could be twins for all we know or care.

HistoriCat March 13, 2012 at 5:22 pm

The Twits from Topeka?

MissTaken March 13, 2012 at 3:58 pm

And the worms ate into her brain.

SorosBot March 13, 2012 at 4:04 pm

What brain?

Generation[redacted] March 13, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Hey you!

e_z March 13, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Floyd!

MissTaken March 13, 2012 at 4:51 pm

By the way, which one's Pink?

Pragmatist2 March 13, 2012 at 3:58 pm

The real unanswered question here is whether she is concerned as a meth maker or a meth user.
Oh, hold it. Never mind.

metamarcisf March 13, 2012 at 4:00 pm

If bimbolicious pundit Gretchen Carlson has to show her IUD every time she buys Sudafed to bring back to her snazzy meth-condo, why shouldn't I have to show my IUD every time I vote on Erection Day? I mean, Why?!

Isyaignert March 13, 2012 at 4:11 pm

You sound like a horn dog! Bimbolicious – hahaha!

KeepFnThatChicken March 13, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Needs moar meth.

Baconzgood March 13, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Only Gretchen could equate the civic responsibility of voting with renting Revenge of the Nerds. KUDOS on your right wing slight of hand.

Freud McShadenies March 13, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Have you seen their candidates? It might be more similar than you think.

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 4:02 pm

For people who say they love the Constitution, they sure as hell seem to have little idea what's actually in the blasted thing.

Ruhe March 13, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Perhaps it's the color…that lovely mottled patina of yellowing parchment with the contrasting iron-rich, rusty ink color. And perhaps they're also imagining the texture of the thing, crisp with age, like a communion wafer or some delectable pastry or the shell of a pot-pie. "Mmmm, constitution."

Oblios_Cap March 13, 2012 at 4:03 pm

They had Fox on in the doctor's office when my wife was in surgery. All they do is feign outrage over the same crap each hour. I think I lost 15 IQ points that day.

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Malpractice suit? Whatever happened to "first, do no harm"?

Oblios_Cap March 13, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I'm in Flori-duh. I thought I was going to get in a fight when I tried to get the channel changed.

Doktor Zoom March 13, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Maybe, if instead of framing it as changing the channel away from Fox, you could ask for something like ESPN–more easily ignored, at least, and a less obviously "political" request.

Naked_Bunny March 13, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Should have just used your second amendment right to shoot the TV.

sharethegrief March 13, 2012 at 4:03 pm

There are 81 out of 254 counties in Texas who don't have operational driver's license offices. Some of these people are looking at a round trip of over 170 miles to get a state issued ID.
Stick it, Gretchen.

RedneckMuslin March 13, 2012 at 4:03 pm

You need ID for a beach pass in Gretchen's community. She said that.

Sassomatic March 13, 2012 at 4:05 pm

You see, beaches in Gretchen's community are a lot like how Republicans like Democracy–no blacks or poors or Mexicans, unless they are there to clean something up or serve you a drink.

BaldarTFlagass March 13, 2012 at 4:13 pm

"I hate your guts, you smart college guys! I've been seeing your kind around since I was ten years old… working as a busboy. "Oh busboy, it seems my friend has thrown up on the table. Clean up that mess, boy, will'ya?" And then when I went to sea as a steward… people poking at you with umbrellas. "Oh, boy!", "You, boy!", "Careful with that luggage, boy!"

donner_froh March 13, 2012 at 6:27 pm

James Cagney, Mr. Robers. Classic.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Always running at someone's he-EEEEL…..

actor212 March 13, 2012 at 4:10 pm

You need ID in any community that has a beach, because they want to establish residency, else they charge you the visitor rate.

So I mean, if Gretchen doesn't mind paying more, she can safely avoid sending in a copy of her license.

HarryButtle March 13, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Well, she kinda has a point: The ID requirement to buy allegy medication is a fucking farce.

But, as usual, they're gonna fix it the wrong way: instead of doing the sensible thing and simply eliminating the ID requirement for Sudafed, we're going to add ID requirements for all sorts of other things…like voting.

Dashboard Buddha March 13, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I hear ya. All we did was send the business to really violent gangs down south. Errr…win?

Ruhe March 13, 2012 at 4:11 pm

If these gangs you speak of vote Republican then, yes. it's a win.

Ruhe March 13, 2012 at 4:14 pm

And of course you won't hear any Republicans calling for the massive funding, and perhaps even creation of an entirely new federal agency that would be necessary to guarantee that every single American of voting age has an ID, you know, which if your interest was really in protecting the sanctity of the vote you would have to be all in favor of.

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I thought that too until I watched this. Little babies living in meth kitchens are doomed, and apparently "smurfing" has been cut down since these measures of putting pseudoephedrine behind the counter. Not sure if that's still the case?

Sorry if I'm lecturing, but this episode of Frontline about meth, and watching a Pfizer exec. trying to justify their tooth-and-nail fight against pseudoephedrine restrictions made me sell my pfizer stock within a week of watching (probably still own it in almost every mutual fund, though…)

Generation[redacted] March 13, 2012 at 5:12 pm

The only effective thing is to control the precursor materials at the factories. That's why you don't see ludes anymore. Unfortunately, some countries where these factories live aren't very cooperative. With us. They are very cooperative with the drug lords who go so far as to request pills without the binder materials (which keep the drugs in solid pill form, prevent the pills from turning to dust in the bottle, but add an extra step when processing the stuff into meth).

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Agreed, but from what I read the ephedrine laws dramatically cut down on smurfing. Sometimes we have to play the cards we're dealt.

GOPCrusher March 13, 2012 at 4:27 pm

To be quite honest, I don't remember hearing the same amount of outrage from these wingnuts over making someone show ID to buy Sudafed as I've heard over having an ID to vote.
I suppose next thing they'll want is for people to show ID to get an abortion.

Baconzgood March 13, 2012 at 4:05 pm

You can have my worms when you pry them outta my dogs cold dead butt!

Baconzgood March 13, 2012 at 4:25 pm

It's the book deals, that's where the $$$ is.

chascates March 13, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Needs less hair bleach.

BaldarTFlagass March 13, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Actually, I think maybe her cerebrospinal fluid is actually augmented with injections of hydrogen peroxide.

HarryButtle March 13, 2012 at 4:06 pm

In the old days, women didn't need fancy allergy medications, they used aspirin. Yup, they just shoved one up each nostril.

DaRooster March 13, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Damn richers with their big bucks "Sudafed" and their "dogs with ass worms"… sheesh.

Gimme a jug of Old Grand Dad and a couple of moles and I'm good… moles have fur not hair and they give you that luxurious feel without the big bucks.

BaldarTFlagass March 13, 2012 at 4:18 pm

"Maybe you ought to have that mole looked at."

snoopyfan2010 March 14, 2012 at 1:14 pm

You really didn't have to share that. Thank you.

Maman March 13, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Have I mentioned that I loathe sharing a name with that brain composted loon

actor212 March 13, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Your name's Doocey???

DaRooster March 13, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Gingrich? Santorum?

Way too many brain composted loons around these daze sorry…

Biff March 13, 2012 at 4:10 pm

That [redacted.]

FakaktaSouth March 13, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Imagine how terrible it must feel for a person who is so needy, so pathetic, so cravenly desperate to set themselves apart from the fact that they are just another person on this planet, and not in fact special – to feel all of this so much that you need to listen to people like Gretchen Carlson talk about her beach pass so you can feel included in her exclusivity. Gretch makes a lot of money and the baseball agent she is married to is a multi multi millionaire. She would NEVER really speak to the basic Fox idiot who cleaves to her image so tightly in person in a billion years. But letting these identity voters have whatever TV channel makes them feel better would be easier to take if they weren't messing with my ability to just get through the freaking day without being annoyed (much less what they want to do to actual humans with their evil policies).

prommie March 13, 2012 at 4:15 pm

But, but, faktata, I wish I was special, I want to be special, so very special
But I'm a freak, I'm a wierdo . . . . . .

FakaktaSouth March 13, 2012 at 4:17 pm

"What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here."
Words I live by.

prommie March 13, 2012 at 4:27 pm

You and me both. But that dude that sings it, he really is a freak, eyes are all not the same and stuff. Like he's from the Brit version of Deliverance.

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Excuse me? Are you saying that I hail from a nation of wall-eyed freaks?

Designer_Rants March 13, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I don't get it. Is she forit? or aginnit? Voter fraud, I mean. Or voter ID laws. Or ah who cares what Wretched Carlson's butt worms are making her brain parasites say today.

Antispandex March 13, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Sudafed…of course! That's the problem we should be worrying about. And worms, dirty nasty worms. Geeze, I feel better now that I know what the REAL enemy is.

ManchuCandidate March 13, 2012 at 4:13 pm

The first casualties in the War on Meth are Gretch the Wretch's sinuses.

prommie March 13, 2012 at 4:14 pm

She seems to be a sort of Nancy Grace-Lite, but somehow I find her almost fuckable. But I definitely would find it hard to masturbate to this photo.

GOPCrusher March 13, 2012 at 4:29 pm

I've been trying for five minutes. I've got nothing.

MissTaken March 13, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I heard that under ObamaCare I won't be able to buy a Sudafed without first showing my Abortion Of The Month membership card.

SorosBot March 13, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Can you at least get the aspirin to put between your knees?

MissTaken March 13, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Knee aspirin's only covered under SantorumCare. And only if I show up wearing the same dress as my doll.

actor212 March 13, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Make up your mind! Asspirin or kneepirin??????

RadioStalingrad March 13, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Available at your local Abortionplex.

MarionNYNY March 13, 2012 at 4:15 pm

So they commit voter fraud in order to show that committing voter fraud is possible? Excuse me, I'm going to go beat up and mug an old man to show that we need more cops on the street.

actor212 March 13, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Gretchen? The 80s called. Markie Post would like her hairdo back.

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 4:38 pm

That is exactly who she reminds me of, I couldn't quite place it.

HistoriCat March 13, 2012 at 4:52 pm

How dare you??? Markie Post libel!

Rotundo_ March 13, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Perhaps the 'do but not the breasts, Markie had a magnificent rack. Truly magnificent, Gretchie-Poo is at least a letter or two away if not more.

emmelemm March 13, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Truth!

BaldarTFlagass March 13, 2012 at 4:21 pm

This is the reason I stopped going to that Newshounds site, too much outrage-inducement. These people, I swear.

RadioStalingrad March 13, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Worms are the new teleprompterz.

ph7 March 13, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I'd love to be in the Fox producers morning meeting when they dream up the shit for the day to feed to Gretchen and Doocy, who in turn feed it to the old whites and the paranoid stay at home soccer moms.

I mean, you know they know better (the producers – not Gretchen and Doocy).. You know theyjust sit back and think "how outrageous can we make it, but still suck them in?

A friend of mine worked for AOL in 1998 heydey – his job was reporting on the World Wrestling Federation for the AOL WWF site. The WWF producers called their fans "gerbils" and sat and dreamed up how stupid they could make the show to keep they coming back for more. These producers were smart people, packaging a product to be sold to dummies. It is an art form.

barto March 13, 2012 at 4:29 pm

She's so hawt when she's mad! No wait, actually she isn't ever.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Tom Junod went on to point out that if you let nits vote, they'll make lice.

voodooeconomics March 13, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Ejaculate on her and be done with it..

GOPCrusher March 13, 2012 at 5:03 pm

LET THE SEMEN SOAAAARRRRRRR!

Generation[redacted] March 13, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Is she suggesting that health care is a basic right, like voting?

Careful, that talk will get you fired from Faux Noise.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 5:11 pm

I don't know what's wrong with Gretchen Carlson and Elisabeth Hasselbeck, but apparently blondes have no fucking fun whatsoever. Their frowny, trollop-caked faces and wind-up rectitude steal the joy from children.

Rotundo_ March 13, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Their hair color is as fake as their smiley faces they put on when the "right guests" appear with them. Their particular flavor of nasty is borne of entitlement and feeling above the little people. But they really do steal the joy from children, just not their own. Then again…

FlownOver March 13, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Rest assured, Gretchen, anyone who demands an ID from you to prove you're of age is just jerkin' the jerk. The next time you'll need your ID to prove your age is in about twelve years when you sign up for Medicare – unless you've been successful killing it off by then.

teebob2000 March 13, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Watching Fox News is like watching bizarro world news. Everything is fucking backwards!!!

These onerous state laws passed nearly universally by Republican legislatures to require IDs are designed to create a barrier to voting for traditionally-Democratic voters such as minorities and students? Why, no!! These are radical decisions by Eric Holder's Justice Department designed to please interest groups like the NAACP ahead of the 2012 election and to get "the right kind of voter for your political interests" (read: the blacks and browns!!!!).

Voter ID laws would create a burden on poorer citizens who might not be able to get to a location to obtain an ID (dozens of TX counties don't even have their own DMV office)? Why, no!! It's disgraceful!! It confines the blacks and browns to permanent second-class status because they CAN'T RENT A MOVIE!!

Republicans are passing these laws now in order to go into effect in time for the 2012 elections? Why, no!! The LEFT has taken this up as an issue ahead of the election!

Voting is a sacred civil right that people fought and died for and should be preserved as an open and fair system? Why, no!! It's just like buying Sudafed!

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Greta needs some less severe hair and make-up to be fappable.

fuflans March 13, 2012 at 5:28 pm

huh. fox has another middle aged pasty pantload as expert.

weird.

fuflans March 13, 2012 at 5:33 pm

buying shit does not equal enfranchisement.

that is all.

elviouslyqueer March 13, 2012 at 5:36 pm

*hides icepick and watches video*

Um, Mr. Adams? It is not, repeat NOT, a "tragedy" that these Voter ID laws are getting overturned. A tragedy is something along the lines of a horrible earthquake/tsunami double-double in Japan. A tragedy is when Donald Trump Jr. doesn't get trepanned for being a horrible heartless fucking bastard. A tragedy is not so much your smug, obnoxious fatuousness, but the fact that you haven't been taken out to a field and sodomized with an overripe watermelon. These things, Mr. Adams, are examples of "tragedy." Please educate yourself, and STFU, you asshole.

randcoolcatdaddy March 13, 2012 at 5:47 pm

BoingBoing recently featured a link to a scientific paper that showed how to take crystal meth and turn it into Sudafed since, you know, crystal meth is so much easier to obtain than Sudafed.

Sparky McGruff March 13, 2012 at 10:41 pm
ElPinche March 13, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Gretch=Inflatable sex doll

Megyn Kelly=Real Doll(tm)

chascates March 13, 2012 at 6:48 pm

If I don't use either c*nt or s*ut I can still use bitch, correct?

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 13, 2012 at 6:58 pm

I would like everybody to know that there are no worms in my butt.

GreatChristiano March 13, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Powder to the people!

Deportably_Jose March 13, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Remember, ladies shouldn't be allowed to buy hormonal contraception without paying for it twice and automatic pharmacist and employer veto power anyways, and also, people need to show ID in order to VOTE, because we really need to worry about the epidemic of voting whilst black or poor voter fraud, but GOD FORBID the GOV'MINT mildly stymie my CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT to cook meth buy a middle-of-the-pack decongestant.

Also, TSA pat-downs are crazy invasive and unnecessary, unlike government-mandated vaginal probes with no medical indication.

Toomush_Infer March 13, 2012 at 7:16 pm

J. Christian Adams: Hahahahahahahahahahahahah…whew!….pretty sure the J stands for Juggernaut, being such an intellectual giant and all, hahahahahahahahahah……whew!….

Redhead March 13, 2012 at 7:23 pm

"She doesn’t seem like a meth monster to us, but maybe she don’t get high on her own supply. "

I dunno, those are some meth eyes if I ever saw 'em.

swordfis March 13, 2012 at 7:25 pm

FYI (Wiki): Adams was hired in 2005 by then-Civil Rights Division political appointee Bradley Schlozman, who was later found by the Civil Rights Division's Inspector General and Office of Professional Responsibility to have violated civil service rules by improperly taking political and ideological affiliations into account when making career attorney hires.[4]

Adams was supervised by Civil Rights Division attorney Christopher Coates, who stepped down as chief of the voting division in December 2009 amid controversy over the dropping of the voter intimidation case.[5] Adams operates the Election Law Center blog.[6] Adam's allegations of racial bias in the Justice Department were described as "fantasies" by vice chairwoman of the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights, Abigail Thernstrom;[7] Thernstrom found the Justice Department arguments that different lawyers disagreed over whether to prosecute the "perfectly plausible" given that "after months of hearings, testimony and investigation, no one has produced any actual evidence that any voters were too scared to cast their ballots.".[8]

starfanglednut March 13, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Too funny.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 8:01 pm

How is that possible, in the vicinity of a certain near-Ivy League south side institution?! (The having fun part.)

fuflans March 13, 2012 at 8:15 pm

well see, it WAS all work in those placid ivy covered ivy league type walls.

but that was then.

now i live in the sweet sweet confines of ravenswood and it is nothing but $1 abortions and booze for breakfast and SOMETIMES we get to andersonville which is just dirty dirty swedes.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 8:42 pm

I put in my 8 years in Lakeview in the '90s, with jaunts to the Uptown Poetry Abortions at the Green Mill, Too Much Light Aborts The Baby in Andersonville, and the old and new HQs of the Old Town School Of Folk Abortions in Old Town and Lincoln Square. Good times!

Monsieur_Grumpe March 13, 2012 at 8:36 pm

That was fairly unbalanced.

MilwaukeeKent March 13, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Hope everyone understands that the only purpose of Voter ID is to suppress Democratic voter turnout by about 1,2,3% by putting an extra hurdle in front of the very poor. Cases of actual voter fraud are something like 1 in a million, and are as likely to be Republicans as Democrats. I'm sure Fox went on to "balance" this with another conservative offering a whole new list of reasons in favor of voter ID.
Gretchen, the "Startled Doe" look used to be considered a sign of bad plastic surgery, but I understand, it's now considered fashionable among Conservatve women. What is it with that?

lulzmonger March 14, 2012 at 1:12 am

If the rumors of Murdoch's hiring process for lady-anchors is true, Gretchen Carlson can probably suck the rivets off a submarine cruising fifty fathoms deep from a trawler on the surface.

That is all.

DahBoner March 14, 2012 at 9:08 am

That Republican woman looks higher maintenence than the Grand Coulee Dam..

ttommyunger March 15, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Gretchen has the desperate look of a woman in need of a good Missouri Horse-Fucking. You know she ain't getting it from her Sports Agent hubby who is no doubt too tired after a hard day at work fucking his clients. And Kneel Boortz? Trust me, nobody knows ass-worms like Kneel Boortz, and yes, I can spell.

FakaktaSouth March 13, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Nah, just the ones who look like Thom York, especially if they've had a baby with someone from the Ozarks. Radiohead singer – eye is the first thing that comes up on the google for the poor dude, like "Every Republican Candidate" and Gay.

prommie March 13, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Must I show you the Big Book of British Smiles?

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Only if I can show you the American Book of People in Shorts in Foreign Lands.

prommie March 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Sneakers in the Cathedrals, too, I am ashamed of my countrymen. All the more reason, I don't belong here.

FakaktaSouth March 13, 2012 at 4:58 pm

How about Minnesotans in speedos in Cozumel? (I saw that my own self) Americans in Disney World? Or just Americans? I ain't saying shit.

prommie March 13, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Lovely chatting with you ladies, but the clock is about to chime 5 here, and I don't belong here at work, either, not any longer than is absolutely necessary!

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Whining that things are better in the States is always popular, also.

FakaktaSouth March 13, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Baby, I've always known I'm just a workday distraction for you…sigh…have a good night, and think of me often when they say Alabama on the newz…

GOPCrusher March 13, 2012 at 5:01 pm

And everyone speaks American, as long as you speak it slowly and loudly enough.

prommie March 13, 2012 at 5:06 pm

What I notice when I am away from the US and among furriners for a time, and then I return, is the complaining. Put 5 US amurricans together, and they commence to bitch and whine, some turn to the room like they think they are on a sitcom or something and do a set speech. Everyone is a whiny standup, like so many Seinfelds, its so undignified.

prommie March 13, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Actually, I don't know my password and don't know how to sign in at night, true fact! Otherwise you would distract me into the gin-sozzled evening hours.

prommie March 13, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Scuba? No other reason to be in Cozumel.

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I have known some of the most wonderful people in America and also some of the most vile.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Then how can you stand it on the Wonkets?

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