i'm gonna keep my baby, oooh, oh

Georgia State Representative Terry England is a person who would like abortions and related procedures to be made illegal after 20 weeks, even if the fetus is known to be stillborn or is not expected to survive past birth. Terry took to the floor of the Georgia house to defend HB 954, as it is known, and reinforced his argument by saying that, you know, farm animals (pigs, cows, and chickens, specifically) sometimes deliver babies that don’t make it, and that’s OK. He has personally delivered these animals “dead or alive,” and it’s sad, but, well, “Life gives us many experiences…,” he droned, and is any experience more life-affirming and special than carrying a dead fetus in one’s sanctified bun-oven for upwards of four months?

Sensing the futility of this tack (in our dreams), England then decided to say that the argument against abortion must be great if his cockfighting friend is willing to give up cockfighting so that women will stop getting abortions, because logic. Regard this video, captured by an amateur hero:

Said the cockfighting enthusiast, who has been threatened by cockfighting laws, and bristled against them forever until he found his cause in the zygote:

Mr. Terry, I wanna tell you something. You tell those folks down there, when they quit killing babies, they can have every chicken I’ve got.

They can have every chicken I’ve got. Music swells, and curtain. [ThinkProgress]

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  • a_pink_poodle

    You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons!

    • memzilla

      Win for the Blazing Saddles reference.

  • Callyson

    This guy has "delivered" pigs, cows, and chickens? So now he's an expert on actually giving birth (a very different thing, buddy)?
    Jesus, these assholes…

  • That explains why the Illinois legislature is running a women's clinic bill through the agriculture. Turns out my daughters and I are just breeding stock. Is it too early to drink?

    • anniegetyerfun


      • FNMA

        Why do people keep asking that question?

        • Because I am afraid of heroin?

    • banana_bread

      What?? Oh for the love of… brb, writing to my idiot state rep.

      • fuflans

        yeah thanks for that tip. wtf?

        do you know any more?

  • UnholyMoses

    Keep fucking that chicken, Mr. Terry.

    And probably the sheep and goats and cows and …

  • bumfug

    "Hell, I've had dead sperm riding around in my nutsack for years and you don't see me just throwin' 'em away do ya?"

    • GhostBuggy

      Giving it to a rentboy isn't throwing it away?

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Man, good thing for the GOP women can't vote. Oh wait.

    • UnholyMoses

      Yeah, I'm still trying to figure out what genius consultant went to the GOP and said:

      "Ya know what we should do in a very important election year? Piss off half the voting population! We can do it by bringing up shit that was settled six decades ago, call them all sluts for ever having sex, and make sure we pass a bunch of laws that require medical professionals to rape their patients.

      "It's gottabe a winner!"

      Meanwhile, somewhere, Barry is smiling …

  • MrsBiggTime

    I tried, I really tried, to come up with an appropriate snark. But all I can do is hold back my tears.

    • swordfis

      Don't worry – just more ammunition. This guy goes to the front of the blooper reel.

  • Sounds like someone spent way too much time playing with the milking machines.

  • Steverino247

    I thought we left England in 1776. What the hell?

  • poncho_pilot

    but i've never been sexually attracted to a farm animal. or a Republican. what does this mean for me?

  • Callyson

    You tell those folks down there, when they quit killing babies, they can have every chicken I’ve got.
    Does that include the antibiotics? Because if the wingnuts keep this crap up, we may need to try those for birth control…

  • AlterNewt

    "A chicken in every vagina".

    • FNMA

      Roosters are sometimes referred to as "cocks." Just sayin'…

    • or cloaca

    • SorosBot

      Someone else here watched Pink Flamingos?

      (Actually we turned it off after that scene).

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        So you missed the dog poop eating scene at the end?

    • Guppy

      Keep fuckin' that chicken!

    • horsedreamer_1

      Japan & Brazil: "We're listening…"

  • coolhandnuke

    Animal husbandry has a new righteous father figure.

  • slithytoves

    I think it's time for England to deliver that dead brain of his.

  • memzilla

    Howzabout somebody delivering a swift, painful-but-not fatal kick in the Newticles to Rep. England? It's OK to wish for that, right?

    * looks for more TOS loopholes *

    • Chichikovovich

      If it's a requirement of your religion, absolutely.

  • Buzz Feedback

    "Life gives us many experiences …"

    But because I'm a male hillbilly who is 40lbs overweight and burdened by a huge panus, low levels of circulating testosterone, and and subsequently, a shrinking dick, I will never get to experience the joy of carrying a dead soul inside my massive being.

    I'm leaving that special feeling just for the lady-folk.

  • Baconzgood

    "Life gives us many experiences"???????

    JESUS FUCKIN-CHRIST MAN!!!!!! What the fuck is wrong with you?

    • Sue4466

      The most appropriate and reasoned response possible.

      • Baconzgood

        Thank you. Sometimes you just have to speak from the heart.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This whole kerfuffle would be a non-starter if everyone stuck to oral.

    • AlterNewt

      "Kerfuffle"? I thought she was saying "I love you".

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Every day I think, "This is it. That's the furthest they could possibly go in dehumanizing women." Now we're just breeding stock? I'm not sure drinking will do it for me at this point. Could someone please just hit me over the head with the frying pan in which I'm supposed to be cooking dinner for the hubby, whilst barefoot and pregnant? Seriously. You'd be doing me a favor. I welcome the quiet darkness of sanity and oblivion, however brief.

    • swordfis

      It's hard not to internalize this (even for a man!) but there's at least one bitter drop of pleasure to be found in objective observation of a man visibly regressing to the mentality and morals of an urangutan.

  • poncho_pilot

    the wife and i often laugh about women who seem to think of themselves as breeding animals–and their husbands. this isn't nearly as funny as that. more just terribly depressing.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    "You stop killin babies, I'll stop killin chickens."

    Oh my god y'all! They's killin chickens!

  • edgydrifter

    The dumb cow that birthed Rep. England must be so proud.

  • finallyhappy

    And people elected this bastard- and will probably elect him again.

  • Advn2rgirl

    Well, if walking around for half a year with a dead baby inside of me, reminding me of my dashed hopes and dreams, will stop cockfighting, how selfish would I be to refuse?

    • Yeah, what's the risk of sepsis when you could stop men being cruel… what? only for roosters? screw it

  • Baconzgood

    Now let's be fair on this. We will be adults and have KeepfnThatChicken weigh in on this.

  • Extemporanus


    Georgia's fetus farmers keep pregnant women in crates so small they can't turn around.


    • HistoriCat

      But how can the pregnant women cook and clean if they're stuck in those crates?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Taking human reproductive health advice from a midwife for farm animals is probably not the wisest course to pursue.

  • There was this one time a lady actually did give birth to a cow. Her name was Mama Jean Lopez.

  • Baconzgood

    Georgia. Our East Coast Arizonia.

    • UnholyMoses

      Arizona = West Florida

      Georgia = North Florida

      Afghanistan = East Florida

  • FakaktaSouth

    Here's a thing – I have been preggers 5 times. 3 times I had kids, 2 times whatever was going on with the particular egg and sperm that hooked up didn't work out. Neither time did my body care to realize this so I was one of those that they HAD to go fetch everything out of – if they didn't, I risked awful kinds of infection which could lead to death and whatnot. All I'm saying is thank god for people like this man, otherwise I wouldn't know what a horrible person I am for living to raise the three that were strong enough to make it. I also realize I should now hate whoever came up with the technology we now should outlaw that saved an over-breeder like me. Progress is OBVIOUSLY screwing this guy's right to have me be dead instead of medically treated all up. Sorry dude.

    • memzilla

      13th Century Morality meets 21st Century Medicine. Two go in, only one comes out.

    • anniegetyerfun


    • ttommyunger


    • banana_bread

      Pssh, you are SO selfish. Besides the risk of dying, who doesn't want a stone baby? (warning: terrifying)

      • vodkamuppet


    • Pics or it didn't happen!

      (forgive me, please)

  • If we are going to stick with our barnyard references, don't farmers keep the male animals away from the females and the young so they don't fuck up the order of the farm? Or at very least geld them so they make no trouble.


  • BaldarTFlagass

    I would like to tell Mr England Dan Ford Coley's cockfighting pal that I had two chicken abortions, over medium, with my sausage and toast this morning.

    • FakaktaSouth

      I probably had the abortionist-chicken mom, on my biscuit. But no cheesey grits because, fuck Mitt Romney's fake food.

  • Goonemeritus

    Listening to NPR during lunch I was treated to a thoughtful discussion on Afghanistan. A guest posited the theory that a country without a national identity can not be successfully governed. I ask you can it be said that former Confederate states by and large share a national identity with the rest of America.

    • UnholyMoses

      Can it be said?


      Would that magically make it true?

      Not so much.

    • elviouslyqueer

      My entire dissertation is riding on that question. And the short answer is "No."

      • "And if you lose, the devil gits yer soooul!!!"

  • MissTaken

    Does this mean my fetusfighting ring is no longer illegal? I've been busy sharpening the fingernails on these feti for weeks getting them ready for some fightin' to the death!

    • Great idea! We could also monetize conception with some gambling. "I'm puttin' a double sawbuck on that little swimmer there to reach the endzone!!"

      • swordfis

        pix or gtfo

  • RadioStalingrad

    He also added: "And why should we have to pay for these maternity services? Next thing you know we will have mandated Veterinary insurance. For the first 150 years of this great nation there were no maternity wards or baby killing Ob-Gyn's. Yet the nation prospered and those very same people worked their way through the Industrial Age and into the 20th century. Of course midwifery, and not washing your hands, and delivering babies in a barn isn't for everybody, because we want the freedom to choose, but let's not forget our Lord and Saviour was born in a manger. Mr. Speaker I yield my time to the gentleman from Dumass County."

  • SorosBot

    Yep, women are livestock. That is what these cretins really think. Fuck.

    • MissTaken

      Nah, I'm sure these fuckheads treat their livestock better than they treat their womenfolk.

      • SorosBot

        That's true; their livestock is valuable property there, while they can always go get a new wife for the cleaning and the incubation of their seed.

  • chicken_thief

    "…you know, farm animals (pigs, cows, and chickens, specifically) sometimes deliver babies that don’t make it,…"

    Terry, Terry, Terry. Hate to be the one to break it to you, dude, but 100% of the cows you sire are going to be still born. And that's a good thing. The world simply is not ready for a England/Guernsey hybrid.

  • "Terry England, Animal Husband", Thursday Nights at 8 Eastern on The Discovery Channel.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Does that come on right after "The Fetus Whisperer?"

  • I don't think this is what they mean by "just lie back and think of England."

    • Chichikovovich

      OK, crew! We can shut down the thread now!

  • SheriffRoscoe

    For my wonket brothers and sisters at work and unable to view the video, you really can't get the full effect of this by reading the text. You really need to hear the words, the southern accent, the talk of delivering pigs, to get the full experience.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Mmmmnope, ain't gonna do it.

    • Oh, this is gonna go WAY viral.

  • Exhausted66

    Is it against the new commenting rules to wish death upon myself?

    • poncho_pilot

      i think it's ok here. it's not Craigslist or Facebook.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Can I wish sterilization on the entire damned human race? Between Cletus here and the "Burn, heretic, burn!" letters to the editor in my local fishwrap, I don't want to be on this planet anymore.


  • Is that a herd of women stampeding on their way to voting for Obama?

  • zedbot

    Today, we're all slutty farm animals.

  • Hoof-In-Mouth Disease.

  • Barrelhse
  • mavenmaven

    "Babies born without brains are worthwhile, look how well I've done, for example"

  • anniegetyerfun

    That's right, ladies! Cows handle this kind of thing with aplomb, patiently awaiting an authoritative man to come along and shove his hand right up in her business, delivering her dead gift from Jeebus. Why can't you be more like the cows?

  • chascates

    American women should simply withhold sex from male partners until their reproductive rights are guaranteed by a Constitutional amendment. All the closeted gay Republicans wouldn't be effected but they'd get the drift.

    Edit update: I imagine people knew I meant 'withhold' rather than 'without'. Damned Alzheimers.

  • fartknocker

    I have nothing to add other than Wonkette should get some Webby Award for Best Selection of Clip Art because the picture of the cow perfectly matches this story.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Woah, selfish AND a temptress? This has GOT to stop.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Why the picture of Rush at the top of this post?

  • kissawookiee

    I seem to remember Nevada Republicans being urged to stockpile chickens as legal tender for healthcare. What's the poultry-pill exchange rate these days? Can chickens be used for abortions only if they have razor spurs strapped on, and the procedure takes place in a sawdust pit? I haz a confused.

  • Here is an excerpt from Terry England's "Animal Husbandry 101" CD-ROM, "Chapter 3: How To Make Love To Your Bull":

  • HelmutNewton

    I'm guessing England's wife is going to make him sleep in the barn tonight. Hell, he probably prefers it that way…

  • Kidneys4Sale

    What's the over/under on how many times this dude went elbow deep to make sure his kids were properly positioned?

  • hagajim

    Well ladies….the ball is in your court. What ya gonna do when the hillbilly legislator pools ya'll into the same pen as the livestock?

  • Chichikovovich

    You know, I keep thinking that the probable consequences for Republicans of this obsession with denying women birth control, slut-shaming, treating women like livestock, etc…. reminds me of something.

    Then when this post came up, I thought "Hmm,….Colville,…. farm animals, … Colville, farm animals..That's it!"

  • ttommyunger

    England? Sounds pretty Soshalist to me. Terry? Sounds kinda ghey. Terry England? Sounds kind of Assholish. A ghey socialist asshole? Sounds like a southern politician to me. My work here is done.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Not that it would actually persuade the moron of anything, but should anyone want to email Rep. England this link to Bridget Potter's award-winning essay "Lucky Girl, to remind him of just what it is he wants us to return to, it might at least be emotionally satisfying to the sender.

    • philpjfry

      Wow just an amazing story. I want to email it to every young girl I know so they realize how lucky they are, at least for now.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Of course since I'm slutty, by boring I mean the married part instead of rando orgy with blindfolded stranger part not the sex part, cause woowee we would not be knocked up so much if'n it t'weren't so so so good for ya – and if I were better at taking the damn slut pills, but I digress. SEX SEX SEX! YAY! (see? I totes deserve to die)
    I also take issue with the rhythm method though, cause God know what's really in your heart and why you're doing it – and – WHO taught WOMEN how to count???

  • blitzgal

    I know someone whose very wanted baby died in utero. She had to carry it for another several weeks before her doctor could schedule her D&C. This asshole has no idea the kind of emotional trauma that causes. Fuck him.

  • Terry England faps with Bag Balm®.

  • Antispandex

    Laying the snark aside for a minute here, why do you women put up with this shit?

  • Troglodeity

    A Republican legislator is actually promoting a law to require women with fetuses KNOWN TO BE ALREADY DEAD to carry them to delivery – because "life gives us many experiences."

    I'm sure American women appreciate the opportunities for all these new "experiences" offered by the GOP: stillbirths, transvaginal ultrasounds …

  • Redhead

    A – it's not a baby, and it's not a pawn that you can somehow use to justify controlling women's bodies

    B- cows don't have opposible thumbs. Makes the sandwich-makin' awfully hard. Plus they tend to knock stuff over in the kitchen.

  • Nesnora

    Fine, but lets have a rubber-band amendment in there for the men cattle too.

  • dsgruntled

    In Georgia a man who raises chickens for cock-fighting is considered salt of the earth….explains alot doesn't it.

  • Ducksworthy

    Old news. We have known for some time now that many members of the Georgia State Legislature are incapable of distinguishing between farm animals and human women, inf cact they're proud of this. .

  • horsedreamer_1

    We say we're living Idiocracy, but this is direct from Tom Wolfe's Man in Full.

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