Undead goblin king Dick Cheney dedicated his thousand year shadow reign of darkness to murdering and torturing the people of Iraq in order to make Dick Cheney feel safer, but it turns out he may have picked the wrong country. Dick Cheney now wishes he had bombed Canada, the only nation with citizens wicked enough to shoot such mortal fear into the virus-ridden slime running through Dick Cheney’s veins that he refuses to set foot in it. Freedom-hating Canadians tried to bust in on one of his book readings in Vancouver last September to remind him he is a war criminal, so Dick Cheney has decided to cancel a planned speech in Toronto, out of concerns for his safety. (Sorry about that, Iraq.)
Ryan Ruppert of Spectre Live Corp. said on Monday that Cheney and his daughter Elizabeth had begged off through their agent.
“After speaking with their security advisers, they changed their mind on coming to the event,” Ruppert said. He said they had “decided it was better for their personal safety they stay out of Canada.”
Last Sept. 26, Cheney was forced to stay holed up in the Vancouver Club for seven hours before it was deemed safe for him to leave. Demonstrators blocked the entrances and at one point scuffled with police.
Seven hours of involuntary detention? Come on, Dick Cheney, we thought the only kind of detention you approved of was indefinite. He’s going soft in his old age. [AP]