BLESS HIS HEART  7:14 pm March 12, 2012

Unteachable Mitt Romney Talks About His Owner Friends In Other Sports

by Jim Newell

Welcome to the Wonkette stock photo collection!A reporter asked Mitt Romney today where he thought free agent Peyton Manning should play football next season. Ahh, there’s a nice birthday softball question for ya! All he had to say was that he’s a Patriots fan, so he hopes Manning doesn’t play for a team in the same division. This is all he had to say. And he did! But only after going out of his way to say something completely unnecessary, again, that has probably left his campaign manager sobbing for ever accepting such a gig.

Is the idea here to take Jay Leno’s bad jokes before he has the opportunity to use them?

And at one point, Mr. Finebaum asked Mr. Romney, as a New England Patriots fan, where he thought Peyton Manning should go as a free agent, and the candidate highlighted his friendship with football team owners — echoing comments in which he explained his affinity for Nascar by noting he knew the owners of Nascar teams.

“I’m surprised to hear that Denver’s thinking about him,” Mr. Romney said. “I don’t want him in our neck of the woods, let’s put it that way.”

“I’ve got a lot of good friends, the owner of the Miami Dolphins and the New York Jets, both owners are friends of mine,” he went on to say. “But let’s keep him away from New England.”

And what kind of fan is “good friends” with the people who run his team’s rivals? You’re supposed to ACTUALLY HATE the human beings in other cities with teams that play your team, in a game. Hate them and want nothing good to happen to them or their families, ever! Mitt Romney has never been to the United States.

[NYT; Image which may or may not be the most photoshopped thing ever, but who cares, via Mitt Romney Is A Tool]

 
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{ 207 comments }

edgydrifter March 12, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Even a quarter of a billion dollars can't make mom jeans look good.

Tundra Grifter March 12, 2012 at 7:35 pm

ed:

The white shirt, tie, and jeans look is so pre-Dot.Bomb.

Looks to me like he changed out of his suit for a casual photo op and didn't finish changing.

Ten grand says he's wearing highly polished wingtips. Also.

RadioStalingrad March 12, 2012 at 7:45 pm

That's an insult to mom jeans everywhere.

OhNoGuy March 12, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Even Andy Warhol couldn't make the jeans & wingtips thing work.

Guppy March 12, 2012 at 8:16 pm

He looks like he raided Kitty Harris' wardrobe.

KennyFuckingPowers March 12, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Damn! Needs some Duluth Trading Company Ballroom Jeans, if he has any. (balls) Your manhood can be made or broken by your fuckin' belt location. Seriously.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 10:24 pm

'Duluth Trading Company Ballroom Jeans"

Aren't those the jeans that are very loose in the crotch — hence, "ballroom"?

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Yes, but Barack H. Obama can.

Damn, Barry sure is Teh Lerved out here in the Otherworld.

HistoriCat March 12, 2012 at 10:28 pm

We're practically commenting at the same time! Hugs all around!

Good to know that there's something non-embarrassing out there about the US.

Callyson March 12, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Worst. Mom. Jeans. Ever.

Terry March 12, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Yeah, and the fit in the crotch makes him look like a Ken doll.

emmelemm March 12, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Omigod, so true! Cannot unsee!

flamingpdog March 12, 2012 at 7:31 pm

You get the feeling the last time he wore those jeans he weighed about 30 pounds less?

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 9:22 pm

yeah, they're totes making a camel toe out of his man-gina.

anniegetyerfun March 12, 2012 at 10:32 pm

I thought that the commonly approved term for male camel toe was "moose knuckle".

Clancy_Pants March 12, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Oh man! A freakin' camel toe! I just lost my appetite.

fuflans March 12, 2012 at 7:44 pm

they say it's hard to buy the perfect pair of jeans but god, it's GOT to be harder to find jeans that look like romney's.

seriously, who looks in the mirror and thinks that looks even ok?

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 9:25 pm

How hard is it to find a decent pair of jeans?

Step 1: If you have a big ass, buy Lees or Wranglers.
Step 2: If you have a big gut and/or no ass, buy Levis.
Step 3: Don't bother with anything other than dark blue wash.

*brushes palms together to indicate fait accompli*

UW8316154 March 12, 2012 at 10:38 pm

He probably has friends who own jean companies; maybe he should ask them for advice.

Terry March 12, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Someone who thinks that talking about the NFL team owners he knows helps him to establish a bond with the common man.

E_Tx_Pines March 12, 2012 at 8:32 pm

The Mormon Magic Underwear (aka 'Sacred Garments') really ruin the lines.

FraAnima March 12, 2012 at 7:19 pm

His magic underwear sure makes those pants look funny.

jtalaska March 12, 2012 at 8:39 pm

that, the camel toe, or one too many always pads.

Probably he just forgot his cock attachment after donning the half blue-collar working-fembot ensemble.

jtalaska March 12, 2012 at 11:00 pm

“Oh you caught me just as I was going out to ride my Eunuch-cycle.”

prommie March 13, 2012 at 9:55 am

Depends, that man is wearing depends.

FraAnima March 13, 2012 at 10:35 am

Mitt's current strategy is to contain Santorum and prevent further surges.

prommie March 13, 2012 at 11:05 am

Brilliant!

coolhandnuke March 12, 2012 at 7:20 pm

It will be a tight contest come November to see whose heaving the most Hail Marys–Mittens or Tebow.

flamingpdog March 12, 2012 at 7:33 pm

If Mittens wins the Presidentcy, I'm the one that's going to be heaving.

mayor_quimby March 12, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Romney:
"Unlike Tebow, when I'm president I won't be throwing them 2 yards short of the receiver's toes!"
(Looks at advisers, "is that how you do a football zinger?" )

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Oh, Santorum heaves more Hail Marys than the two of 'em combined.

soeoho March 12, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Coulda asked him where Ralph Lunchbucket should play next season. It'd be the same answer.

RadioStalingrad March 12, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Actually, doesn't Bain Capital own a big stake of Clear Channel? Why yes, it does!

Sassomatic March 12, 2012 at 7:21 pm

So the boys are down on the field getting crushed,while trying to crush the boys on the other side, and the whole thing, while a good way to rile up the masses, is otherwise over nothing, and the rich dudes in control of both sides are all actually good friends just having a great time watching the whole thing and making shitloads of money off of it.

Huh, I can't understand why people think football is "warlike."

OhNoGuy March 12, 2012 at 9:26 pm

It's the old "hire one half of the working class to kill the other half" trick. Never gets old.

Dashboard_Jesus March 13, 2012 at 12:19 am

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FI1ylg4GKv8

Callyson March 12, 2012 at 7:21 pm

And Tom Brady is thinking "Aw, great. First we lose the Super Bowl to the Giants–again–and now this asshole turns out to be a fan. Oh well, at least I've got Gisele…"

BerkeleyBear March 12, 2012 at 9:37 pm

And a lifetime supply of Uggs (which for me would be 1 pair or less).

MissTaken March 12, 2012 at 7:21 pm

What's next? Someone asks Mittens what kind of mom jeans he likes to wear and he starts yapping about not wearing jeans that often but he is good friends with Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren?

102415 March 13, 2012 at 12:27 am

Yes. Let's ask him that right away.

Pat_Pending March 12, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Camel toe!

DrunkIrishman March 12, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Nice jeans, Mitt.

Schmannnity March 12, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Dolphins–Steven Ross, Billionaire; Jets–Woody Johnson, Billionaire. How many billionaires can the average person describe as "good friends?"

Loaded_Pants March 12, 2012 at 8:30 pm

I tried biting my own hands not to type it…

None of them, Katie.

Since the self-biting didn't work, I will find a suitable punishment for my hands. Like attempting to rub my cat's stomach.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Who the hell cares? I'm dying of laughter over the name "Woody Johnson".

NYNYNYjr March 12, 2012 at 9:41 pm

All three born rich, silver spoon in mouth, diploma in hand. Johnson, as in "Johnson & Johnson'. All Royal Dicks in person, methinks.

slithytoves March 12, 2012 at 7:23 pm

You just can't take the rich out of a rich boy.

phlox✔ March 12, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Nice No package Mitt. What, are you a Ken doll?

phlox✔ March 12, 2012 at 7:27 pm

STOP STARING AT HIS CROTCH!

GuyClinch March 12, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Which crotch is that now?

OhNoGuy March 12, 2012 at 9:28 pm

I bet the answer starts with "All of them……….."

HistoriCat March 12, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Don't mock Rebecca's boyfriend!

Z Crudmonger March 12, 2012 at 7:24 pm

"I HAVE got a lot of good friends….." This non-blah person isn't very articulate. Can't wait for the teleprompter ban.

MissTaken March 12, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Ugh, I had to yank my panties out of my own butt after seeing that picture.

AlterNewt March 12, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Between that and the under-wire burns, you're having kind of a bad day. Be careful out there.

MissTaken March 12, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Daylight Savings is a sonofabitch.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 9:31 pm

*announcer voice*
When Underwear Attacks

Boojum_Reborn March 12, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Need help?

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Guess you would have rather had the shirtless pic from the other day?

MissTaken March 12, 2012 at 7:39 pm

That would've been preferable.

BTW – THOSE are mom jeans. I do not, I repeat, DO NOT wear mom jeans.

GuyClinch March 12, 2012 at 7:52 pm

So why don't you tell all us sweaty (we just ate) admirers what you ARE wearing…

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 7:57 pm

I know you don't wear mom jeans! You wear very flattering jeans, and fill them well.

coolhandnuke March 12, 2012 at 7:26 pm

The only thing that comes between Mitt and his Calvins are magic underwear.

Slim_Pickins March 12, 2012 at 7:29 pm

In other news, the birthday boy announced he will not apply for Medicare (because he probably didn't work long enough to qualify?).

SayItWithWookies March 12, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Mitt doesn't think that's elitist, y'all — he knows people who own whole planets, so a few tiny football franchises in one little country on an average-sized planet that was run by that hack Kolob is practically hangin' with the little people.

Generation[redacted] March 12, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Damn straight. Owning a football team is downright blue collar. He's not so uncouth to talk about the polo teams he owns.

OhNoGuy March 12, 2012 at 9:41 pm

I do so love a good theology discussion.

NYNYNYjr March 12, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Oh yeah, every dead white mormon guy gets his own planet. Hey, make me a mormon after I die, like they do. I want the planet, but I don't want to have to act like a fool on earth.

Chet Kincaid March 12, 2012 at 7:30 pm

The linky has the original photo he was 'shopped onto, before y'all accuse him of actually having a vagina.

Generation[redacted] March 12, 2012 at 7:32 pm

He has some good friends who own vaginas.

MadBrahms March 12, 2012 at 7:37 pm

"…all of my friends with wives."

OhNoGuy March 12, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Or just "all of my wives".

flamingpdog March 12, 2012 at 7:37 pm

I doubt he has many friends who actually have vaginas.

flamingpdog March 12, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Which one of his wives is that in the original photo?

RadioStalingrad March 12, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Right Chet, don't box him in.

An_Outhouse March 12, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Thanks for spoiling the thread, 'becca wanna be. Any other rules you care we follow, besides researching every link before we comment?

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 1:27 am

I just don't want to see you, specifically, make an ass of yourself over a 'shop, so I'm glad you've found another way!

An_Outhouse March 13, 2012 at 9:06 am

You're always a giver. That's what I love about you.

Tundra Grifter March 12, 2012 at 9:56 pm

CK:

I'm guessing that isn't a Shop job. I think every photo ever taken of Mittens just looks like it was Shop'd.

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 1:28 am

His every utterance is evidence of Human-Alien Hybrids, so I guess it's gene-'shopping.

coolhandnuke March 12, 2012 at 7:32 pm

It appears Mitt has replaced the usually reliable and efficient GOP cod piece with a halibut piece.

flamingpdog March 12, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Either way, his crotch smells like fish?

littlebigdaddy March 12, 2012 at 11:45 pm

More of a baldrick.

James Michael Curley March 13, 2012 at 9:15 am

That's a Halliburton piece.

orygoon March 12, 2012 at 7:35 pm

“I’ve got a lot of good friends, the owner of the Miami Dolphins and the New York Jets, both owners are friends of mine,” he went on to say. "And both of their wives have lovely pairs of Cadillacs, which are almost just like Ann's!"

FlownOver March 12, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Needz moar fudge!

smokefilledroommate March 12, 2012 at 7:36 pm

They need to pull his string again. He's stuck on the "some of my good friends own that" answer. May want to bypass "I own part of that company."

Jukesgrrl March 13, 2012 at 5:43 am

He's also good friends with the people who own Congress.

JackObin March 12, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Jesus H. Christ, he has less of a bulge in those jeans than Little Georgie Bush. What, do mormons prohibit penises also?

littlebigdaddy March 12, 2012 at 11:45 pm

They use turkey basters to get all those kids.

JustPixelz March 12, 2012 at 7:38 pm

It's just a matter of time before he brags about the politicians his friends own.

Perhaps Mitt could buy a team and work that Bain magic by selling off the helmets. The players can run faster without helmets — capitalism always finds a solution.

Boys and their toys. What fun!

AlterNewt March 12, 2012 at 7:38 pm

"I'm YOU"

flamingpdog March 12, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Christine O'Whooo? LIBEL!!!1!

tihond March 12, 2012 at 7:39 pm

"Fetusheads are people too, my friend."

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Yes, as a hu-man Mitt loves these enter-tain-ments that you other hu-mans love, like athelet-ic competitions.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 9:38 pm

"Why, yes, I would… like… a… knuckle… sandwich."

GuyClinch March 12, 2012 at 7:40 pm

I have to assume that whatever his "get tough on crime" platform is has much to do with all his private-prison-owner friends. But we do need a mandatory-minimum sentence for fashion crimes like that one with the jeans. Strike three, Mittens!

flamingpdog March 12, 2012 at 7:43 pm

When does Mitt explain his affinity for women by noting he knows the owners of Hooters?

GeorgiaBurning March 12, 2012 at 7:43 pm

If Mittens is going to wear those, get a mens' size next time.

Dashboard Buddha March 12, 2012 at 7:44 pm

I know it's just the cut of the jeans, but the man appears to have no dick.

vtxmcrider March 12, 2012 at 9:19 pm

And, given how he stood up to Limbaugh, he has no balls either.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Yes, it's true. This man has no dick.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hoHds88Slk

FakaktaSouth March 12, 2012 at 7:45 pm

What IS IT with these Republican mens and their rampant Front Butt? I will never understand this.

fuflans March 12, 2012 at 7:47 pm

mitt is becoming as gaffe prone as uncle joey.

Doktor Zoom March 12, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Precisely the comparison I was thinking of. Only Biden has a bitchen Trans Am, while Mitt's wife has two Cadillacs.

Jukesgrrl March 13, 2012 at 5:43 am

At least Uncle Joey's funny.

Beetagger March 12, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Hurl that spheroid down the field and fight, fight, fight!

Mondo_Cane March 12, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Excell! Excell!
Ambulate over the turf!

Warwhatgoodfor March 12, 2012 at 9:18 pm

"Fight fiercely Harvard, fight, fight, fight, demonstrate to them our skill". At least he isn't poisoning pigeons in the park. Wait, who was that dirty old perve I saw outside the men's room in the Boston common? Nah….couldn't be.

Mondo_Cane March 12, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Retard them! Retard them!
Make them relinquish the ball!*

*actual Ivy League cheer of the last century

Doktor Zoom March 12, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Oh, that Mitt!

Beetagger March 12, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Also, nice camel toe, Mittens.

Come here a minute March 12, 2012 at 7:56 pm

When asked if winning the nomination was a slam dunk, Romney proceeded to name the several NBA owners with whom he shares a common country club membership.

RadioStalingrad March 12, 2012 at 8:06 pm

He does, however, find the NBA very blah.

Aridzona March 12, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Pro football, like religion, was invented to keep the poor from killing the rich.

Maman March 12, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Is he somehow unaware that we know he is rich?

Biff March 12, 2012 at 9:33 pm

He doesn't seem to understand why we don't adore him just because he's rich.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 9:58 pm

He's like a goddamn teenage girl who has to mention "my boyfriend" every sentence.

DerrickWildcat March 12, 2012 at 8:05 pm

I think he's wearing a diaper.

vtxmcrider March 12, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Magic Underwear is multi-purpose.

RadioStalingrad March 12, 2012 at 8:07 pm

When asked about flip flopping, he said he knows the owners of plenty of McDonald's franchises.

owhatever March 12, 2012 at 8:10 pm

I have a number of friends who still own black people, which are a good investment for any portfolio.

Angry_Marmot March 12, 2012 at 8:39 pm

That what the "Plastics" guy whispers to Benjamin in the remake of The Graduate. 20 million sold!

Barrelhse March 12, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Needs the zipper on the side.

scarface99 March 12, 2012 at 8:19 pm

mitt doesn't have any friends…he is so full of shit….maybe one friend – a six foot tall 250 lb rabbit that only he can see!!! he's such an asshole!

Sharkey March 12, 2012 at 8:21 pm

"Yes, those jeans make you look fat."

MadBrahms March 12, 2012 at 8:35 pm

"…and why are you wearing a barracuda for a tie?"

poncho_pilot March 13, 2012 at 3:23 am

because if the real thing don't do the trick you better think of something quick?
you're gonna burn, burn, burn, burn, burn it out to the wick?

OhNoGuy March 12, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Yes, those jeans (and every other word out of your mouth) make you look out of touch.

BaldarTFlagass March 12, 2012 at 8:25 pm

As a lifelong Patriots fan myself, I don't give a fuck about Peyton anymore. But I sure have built up some loathing for his little brother lately.

Trannysurprise March 12, 2012 at 8:25 pm

He either has no dick or his tuck is better than mine.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Perhaps he's been taking fashion advice from Ann Coulter.

flamingpdog March 12, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Or Dick Tuck.

poncho_pilot March 13, 2012 at 3:16 am

am i weird? i'm 33 and know a lot about Dick Tuck. i think i was born in the wrong time. every time i read about Occupy Wall Street i think of Abbie Hoffman.

FROTHY March 13, 2012 at 5:17 am

Girlfriend, you *know* the answer to that.

smokefilledroommate March 12, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Fact: Mitt was the inspiration for the original Ken doll. I said it's a fact, therefore, it's a goddamn fact.

Biff March 12, 2012 at 9:36 pm

I read it, so it must be true!

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 10:32 pm

So, Barbie has two Corvettes?

smokefilledroommate March 13, 2012 at 1:32 am

Barbie has a dildo and a eunuch. But yeah, she still has two vehicles somehow.

BlueStateLibel March 12, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Those jeans really show off his hourglass figure.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Hourglasses are for poor people; that's a Rolex figure.

rocktonsam March 12, 2012 at 8:37 pm

hes 65?!!11!!!?

cripes almighty what a dork

BlueStateLibel March 12, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Insufferable braggart is insufferable braggart.

Puffperney March 12, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Win!

spareme March 12, 2012 at 8:57 pm

So here he is, the the heartland of the South – dressed like this? I hear strains of the theme song from Deliverance…even shouting ROLL TIDE can't help this fuckin guy.

DarwinianDemon March 12, 2012 at 9:00 pm

'I would also like to express *my* fondness for that particular sport"

littlebigdaddy March 12, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Here's a question: do older Mormons have magic depends? Or do they have to violate the tenets of their religion to not poop their pants?

Dudleydidwrong March 12, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Hot damn! Another good theological argument!

Mondo_Cane March 12, 2012 at 9:14 pm

How insecure must he be to always reference bigger money? – and what a hoot he must be in the VIP box at a game – no beer, no cigar, no cussing(?) – so uptight you couldn't shove a toothpick up his ass – -

Mittbot indeed –

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 9:14 pm

You guys! You guys!!

I just had the most awesome idea for a reality show EVAR!!
[with all due modesty]
Mitt Romney has to *actually do* a minimum wage job, AND he has to *actually live* on minimum wage. No using his ass tons of money or powerful friends who own everything.
We could call it, um…
let's see…
"Who wants to humiliate a millionaire?"
It could have wacky blooper reel music when he tries to pay his bills, or buy groceries, or rent a crappy apartment in a slummy neighborhood (good luck coming up with first, last, and security, asshat), or his piece of shit car breaks down, or his boss strolls in at 4:58 on Friday afternoon and announces that he found the paperwork that's been sitting in his in-box for three weeks, so now everybody has to work late to meet the deadline (for nothing extra, natch).
Added bonus plus: Barbara Ehrenreich could get at least one book out of it.

Chichikovovich March 12, 2012 at 9:22 pm

That is a Nobel-prize worthy idea. If I may add a suggestion: his boss at this minimum wage job will be a 70-year old still working because Bain took over the company he had worked at for 35 years, looted the pension plan, gorged themselves on management fees then fobbed the dessicated remaining hulk of the original company off to a shell corporation that declared bankruptcy.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 10:03 pm

And this is one of oh so many reasons why I love you…
in a decent, moral way, of course.

Chichikovovich March 12, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Awww… you're making me blush. In a decent, moral way, of course.

flamingpdog March 12, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Get a Roomney you two!

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 1:38 am

It's like Mittens is the Silver Surfer and Bain is Galactus. God forbid an explosion of Kirby dots and force rays appear outside your factory — "All that you know is at an end, working stiff!!"

Fukui-sanYesOta March 12, 2012 at 9:54 pm

also, too, make his identikid kids (Thwack, Thadd, Tripz, Thick and whatever that other one is) go to WyoTech studying automotive sprocket-licking or whatever, and they have to take student loans to do it.

If he ever says "Do you know who I am?" a gentleman dressed as Andrew Jackson appears and beats him repeatedly (but non-fatally) around the head with a rubber chicken accompanied by the theme music from UFO.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 10:02 pm

I was thinking "Yakety Sax" (that Benny Hill music), but I would be remiss if I didn't say how awesome that clip is.
Except the eyeball. That was just disgusting.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 12, 2012 at 10:05 pm

I have no idea how that eyeball bit got into the video, it's just weird.

I reckon the "beating Mitt Romney around the head with a rubber chicken" would be a montage of stills, perhaps even with Batman-style "POW!" "WHACK!" interstitials. I would so pay to see that.

DemmeFatale March 12, 2012 at 10:32 pm

OMG, Fukui-san!!
I must have one of those silver see-through mesh outfits for Mr. Fatale!
ROWR!!!

And BTW: I happen to have majored in automotive sprocket-licking, (or auto-sprock, as we called it).

Fukui-sanYesOta March 12, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Nowt wrong with sprocket-licking, I just couldn't imagine any of those smug-faced gits ever having used a wrench.

"I am aware of wrenches. Daddy knows the person who owns snap-on."

heathenette March 13, 2012 at 2:36 am

WIN!

smokefilledroommate March 13, 2012 at 12:59 am

Didn't Morgan Spurlock do something like that awhile back?

I'd personally like to see 'Survivor: CEO' where Mitt swears there's a cell phone hidden in that coconut shell just for his amusement, Newt declares some tree as his fifth wife and tries to fuck it, and The Donald screams because the actual sun burns his lilywhite fucking skin. Who will be the Pig on a Stick?

Survivor: CEO airs next Sunday on Lifetime

johnnyzhivago March 12, 2012 at 9:16 pm

I hear Peyton Manning is going to be playing for the Paris Phroggs now.

chascates March 12, 2012 at 9:21 pm

So how about those Saints? No, NOT Latter Day!!!

DCBloom March 13, 2012 at 6:33 am

Mitt tries to be cool and shows us he knows our chant. Replies "Who's That!"

CountryClubJihadi March 12, 2012 at 9:41 pm

"No-Action Slacks"

Angry_Marmot March 12, 2012 at 9:41 pm

"Yes, I've been hiding my candy for years."

Veritas78 March 12, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Request to Wonkette? Please stop. We've got our best mole ever in place so that he might actually end up as the candidate that we get to "run against", and you fools keep pointing out what a douche he is.

That call with Putin? He placed it to congratulate me. I know what I'm doin'.

So lay off or I'm coming over there, and Jim, it won't be like last time.
xoxo, Barry

GregComlish March 12, 2012 at 9:56 pm

If you were truly "friends" with the owners of the Jets and Dolphins, you wouldn't sully their brands with an association to a divisive political figure

anniegetyerfun March 12, 2012 at 10:37 pm

I am so in love with this Photoshop. But I've heard that Romney actually has quite a "stimulus package", if you know what I mean.

littlebigdaddy March 12, 2012 at 11:43 pm

I find that counterintuitive.

flamingpdog March 12, 2012 at 11:47 pm

I know what you mean, and EWWWWW.

Barrelhse March 12, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Second judge trashes WI voter ID law. http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/03/12/second-judg

anniegetyerfun March 12, 2012 at 10:38 pm

“This last Super Bowl was a hard one to take,” Mr. Romney said. “A catch in the final moments, which was a spectacular catch, dashed our hopes once again.”

I love that this is how Mittens sounds, jawing about sports.

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 10:41 pm

That picture is haunting me. God, make it go away, already.

BTW, that Romney has "friends" in ownership just says all that you need to know about him and them. Owners of pro-sports teams are almost universally horrible human beings, and some of them are almost cartoonishly evil.

SudsMcKenzie March 12, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Mitt wants to take his talents to the Rose Garden.

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 10:55 pm

But, alas, he'll only end up at the Olive Garden, a lesser bowl game, but at least one that comes with never-ending breadsticks.

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 11:28 pm

OT: Jon Stewart is absolutely dismantling Grover Norquist…and without yelling or name-calling or anything. Just cold breaking down how overly-simplified and stupid "Teh Pledge" is.

CapnFatback March 12, 2012 at 11:49 pm

I dunno. Is "dismantle" the right term for breaking down a Norquist? I'm gonna go with "dissolve."

glamourdammerung March 13, 2012 at 12:25 am

I would have gone with "flush".

RadioStalingrad March 13, 2012 at 2:06 am

Didn't Samantha Bee interview the concrete, Alinsky lubber last week/

FieryLocks March 12, 2012 at 11:47 pm

"I'm friends with the people that own the factory in China where these hip jeans are made."–Mitt Romney

CountryClubJihadi March 12, 2012 at 11:47 pm

There has got to be an "Invisible _____" LOLCats kind of thing with this photo, but I'm too exhausted to come up with it.

MissNancyPriss March 13, 2012 at 12:07 am

Magic Pajamajeans

BTWBFDIMHO March 13, 2012 at 12:12 am

He may have a superPac but not a superPack.

SaintRond March 13, 2012 at 12:13 am

Appears that he's into taping his nuts back like he's putting on drag. He just better not fart or it's gonna be real painful.

DarwinianDemon March 13, 2012 at 1:04 am

Conversely, here he is wearing poorly fitted grandpa jeans: http://o4.aolcdn.com/dims-shared/dims3/PATCH/resi

Chet Kincaid March 13, 2012 at 1:34 am

Darling Nikki and the other woman behind him are reflexively covering their babymakers.

RadioStalingrad March 13, 2012 at 2:03 am

Those could be grandmom jeans, and worse yet, ahem, check your zipper flipper flopper.

imissopus March 13, 2012 at 1:13 am

Oh good lord Mittens, just stop talking already.

RadioStalingrad March 13, 2012 at 2:09 am

OT, but a heartfelt thanks for your support last week in my Kafkaesque misunderstanding last week.

imissopus March 13, 2012 at 3:30 am

What did I say?

smokefilledroommate March 13, 2012 at 1:35 am

He puts the 'Mormon' in Mom Jeans. Or maybe the moron.

RadioStalingrad March 13, 2012 at 2:10 am

Mormom jeans.

Makinglifehell March 13, 2012 at 1:44 am

More like Mitt Momney, amirite?

BarackMyWorld March 13, 2012 at 4:23 am

You can wear ties with jeans now? When the fuck did this happen?

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 13, 2012 at 4:44 am

When asked about the latest tragedy in Afghanistan and what we should expect from the Taliban, Romney went on to say:

"I’ve got a lot of good friends, the money men of the Taliban and Hezbollah, both those guys are friends of mine"

Jukesgrrl March 13, 2012 at 5:47 am

Mann Colter can wrap her package just like that.

Negropolis March 13, 2012 at 8:00 am

He got Grover to admit that without follow-through on the spending end once the politicians reach Congress, that at best, his pledge doesn't mean a goddamned thing, and more likely, that his pledge is actually dangerous to our fiscal health. I'd call that a dismantle. He took apart the platform Grover was standing on.

mrblifil March 13, 2012 at 8:13 am

When you need Jeff Foxworthy in order to attract a crowd to your event, you know you're a (millionaire) redneck.

SaintRond March 13, 2012 at 8:28 am

Motherfucker's literally scampering.

LiveToServeYa March 13, 2012 at 9:02 am

Well, that explains why he wants to be Owner of the United States.

nirrti_rachelle March 13, 2012 at 9:02 am

The Mormons should adopt those jeans as their "magical" underwear. They look like they could repel bullets let alone demons.

prommie March 13, 2012 at 10:16 am

Looks like Mittens has one of those big, puffy vaginas.

Oblios_Cap March 13, 2012 at 10:59 am

Christ! I followed that link and got nailed with some major malware. The revenge of the Mitt-Bots!

ttommyunger March 13, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Could have pulled them mom jeans up a little higher but his nips got in the way. What a dick!

jtalaska March 13, 2012 at 12:47 am

Is there one for a developing FUPA?

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