OOPSIES  6:05 pm March 12, 2012

Preacher/Heavy Metal Rap Artist Bullies Kids At Iowa Assembly On Bullying

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

I am the god of hellfire.Well, this isn’t going over well in Dunkerton, Iowa. Minnesota preacher-man-band “Junkyard Prophet” was supposed to perform at a high school assembly against bullying and for making good choices. Good choices, apparently, like telling gay kids they would burn in fire, inveighing against dirty filthy girls who give it up before they’re married, and showing super cool gnarly pictures of graphic aborted feti.

“They told my daughter, the girls, that they were going to have mud on their wedding dresses if they weren’t virgins,” said Jennifer Littlefield, a parent upset with the band’s performance.
[...]
Littlefield also did not appreciate what she described as gay bashing.
“They told these kids that anyone who was gay was going to die at the age of 42,” she said.

But wait! That’s not all!

Instead of just making a bunch of girls cry, according to the LaCrosse Tribune, the band also took a monster runny dump all over separation of church and state. For Jesus!

After performing, the group separated boys, girls and teachers in the building. During the breakout session, the young men learned the group’s thoughts on the U.S. Constitution and what one Prophet referred to as its “10 commandments.” Members of the group blasted other performers, like Toby Keith, for their improper influence.

So Junkyard Prophet got one thing right.

The girls, meanwhile, were told to save themselves for their husbands and assume a submissive role in the household. According to witnesses, the leader in that effort also forced the young ladies to chant a manta of sorts about remaining pure.

The horrified superintendent went on after the band, attempting to do damage control and remind students that Dunkerton stands for a message of tolerance. Good luck, old chap! If you were wondering whether the high school that hosted an assembly demanding Christianist chants from students, and calling girls sluts and gays hell-nip, was private or public, Dunkerton Community Schools is indeed a public school district. Your editrix called and checked, for Journalism.

[LaCrosse Tribune, via TPM]

 

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{ 194 comments }

nounverb911 March 12, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Sounds like somebody needs a lesson in the separation of church and state.

Dashboard Buddha March 12, 2012 at 7:13 pm

I would do no good at all. All of the lessons in the world, artfully presented, could not penetrate the minds of these folks for their fuckingskulls are solid bone except for a small chamber just above their hind-brain where Douchebag Jesus lives.

glamourdammerung March 12, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Separation of church and state is a "theory" like evolution or gravity.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 10:54 pm

It's not that they're unaware of the separation of church and state; they are aware of it, they're just opposed to it.

Negropolis March 13, 2012 at 1:27 am

Hell, someone needs a lesson in common human decency, first.

iburl March 13, 2012 at 11:39 am

Actually they do not accept that it exists at all. It is public policy from the Governor's office in Texas to state employees that there is no such thing as seperation of Church and State.

YouBetcha March 12, 2012 at 6:08 pm

This shit is the reason teens are promiscuous and on The Drugs. You tell a fourteen year old not to do something, and he's going to take that something and insert it into his own ass.

Fare la Volpe March 12, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Dildoing – the Real American Pastime.

hagajim March 12, 2012 at 6:09 pm

What better way to teach about tolerance than by being intolerant douche bags…for Jeebus!

Schmannnity March 12, 2012 at 6:10 pm

No wonder Santorum won Iowa.

coolhandnuke March 12, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Your move Fred Phelps.

Mumbletypeg March 12, 2012 at 6:22 pm

From the band's lyrics:

People be freakin' when we speakin' cuz we burnin it up

Ooooh, book-burners too!
They'll have a warm welcome in Waynesville, North Carolina.

MadBrahms March 12, 2012 at 7:16 pm

He's planning a GWAR-like show in which "homosexuals" are gutted onstage while the audience is showered in "the blood of the wicked". Fred Phelps will not be outdone.

Maman March 12, 2012 at 6:11 pm

And who was the idiot that booked this band/brimstone throwers? Someone must NOT have been surprised.

Here is a 2006 article about them: http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Arti

Beowoof March 12, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Well the 42 thing is clearly a lie, as Larry Craig and Ted Haggard have that beat by several years each.

nounverb911 March 12, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Not so much Breitbart.

Swampgas_Man March 12, 2012 at 6:57 pm

48 and going strong over heah!

Z Crudmonger March 12, 2012 at 7:52 pm

That's because they brought a towel.

trampndirtdown March 12, 2012 at 9:41 pm

They're a couple of real together froods.

mannacler March 12, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Quentin Crisp lived how long?

facehead March 12, 2012 at 6:12 pm

I'm guessing they don't do Bat Mitzvahs.

PuckStopsHere March 12, 2012 at 6:13 pm

True story: Iggy (Pop) and the Stooges played my high school. So did Bob Seger. This would have been back in the '70's although my memory is a little hazy on dates, decades, etc. But, the thing of it is, those dudes rocked MY gymnasium and I haven't turned gay. Yet.

DCBloom March 12, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Iggy at your school? Wow. I wish I went there. All we ever had was a Led Zeppelin cover band

SexySmurf March 12, 2012 at 6:24 pm

If you think that's bad, the only famous person who came to my school was Daniel Ruettiger AKA Rudy. He taught me that if I work hard and believe in myself I too can play 30 seconds in a college football game. What the skullfuck kind of message is that?

PuckStopsHere March 12, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Well, if you don't work hard and believe in yourself you only get to play high school football and you turn out like Al Bundy.

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Well we got the late Gov. Bob Casey, father of the current Senator and an anti-choice douche despite being a Democrat. It angered me.

MissTaken March 12, 2012 at 6:41 pm

We had Dave Johnson from the Dan and Dave decathlon advertising fame show up one day during lunch. Don't remember what he said, but I'm sure it was something like "stay in school, eat your veggies".

I doubt gays dying at 42 was addressed, though.

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Nor did he warn you about being pure and submissive – you're gonna have mud all over your wedding dress apparently. And wouldn't you want to marry a guy who fetishizes virginity, insists on a woman with no sexual past, and tells you to be submissive in his house?

FieryLocks March 13, 2012 at 12:04 am

Well, it was 30 seconds they made a movie around…you know he got something out of that.

anniegetyerfun March 12, 2012 at 6:35 pm

We had a guy who could inflate tire innertubes with his … bare lungs, I guess? Ah. High school.

poncho_pilot March 12, 2012 at 7:25 pm

i kinda hate you now. all we got was Blink 182.

extreme_left March 12, 2012 at 8:01 pm

some of us dressed up as KISS

emmelemm March 12, 2012 at 8:06 pm

The most famous person to come to my high school (IN THE 80s) was Jesse Jackson. (My school was … "urban".)

He told us not to do drugs, and something something something about not impregnating girls when you were in high school because "anyone can knock up a girl but it takes a man to be a father" or something along those lines.

finallyhappy March 12, 2012 at 8:37 pm

you all remember that Jeremiah Wright's Mom was our Vice Principal, Gloria Allred went to my school as did lover/asst to Jim Jones,Terry Buford- who later had a child with Mark Lane.

horsedreamer_1 March 12, 2012 at 9:41 pm

My high school had donkey basketball.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Dang, you guys had awesome high schools.
The best thing that ever happened at mine was when the bad boys streaked the cafeteria at lunch and one of them lost a contact lens.

Negropolis March 13, 2012 at 1:33 am

I'm guessing this must have been in suburban Detroit? Isn't Michigan just great?

Jerri March 13, 2012 at 9:54 am

We had a local businessman who told us that when he reached a particular goal he set for himself, he rewarded himself by purchasing premium gasoline for his LeBaron. It made him feel like he had accomplished something, he said.

I wonder what kind of gas getting laughed at by a bunch of high school kids earned him. Probably a ride home on the public bus.

memzilla March 12, 2012 at 6:13 pm

“They told my daughter, the girls, that they were going to have mud on their wedding dresses if they weren’t virgins…"

Still better than having Santorum on them.

I remember seeing "Muddy Wedding Dresses" open for Ginger Baker back in the '60s.

LionHeartSoyDog March 12, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Was this before Cream?

Beowoof March 12, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Of all the Oxymorons out there, A Christian Rock band must be the biggest one of the bunch.

MadBrahms March 12, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Oh, you said it.

(Rock n' Roll gives you AIDS, the end)

poncho_pilot March 12, 2012 at 7:26 pm

that's one of my favorite episodes.

Loaded_Pants March 12, 2012 at 7:31 pm

"We're gonna Rock, Rock, Rock
Rock with the ROCK!"

Weren't those lines from a Spinal Tap song?

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Laugh if you must, but when there's an actual lyric from an actual Bon Jovi song that goes,
"I've seen a million faces, and I've rocked them all",
you gotta admit that's pretty hard to top.

Tengu March 12, 2012 at 6:14 pm

It gets better… you move away from Iowa.

fuflans March 12, 2012 at 6:14 pm

if i were a public school administrator i wouldn't hire a band called 'junkyard prophet' that bills itself as 'Christian rapcore-nu metal'.

but maybe that's just me.

Warwhatgoodfor March 12, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Lived in that state first 17 years of my life. At that time they had one of the best educational systems in the country, and mostly balanced politics. Must admit I got tired of listening to hog futures on the local news, but you can't have everything. Now they sound like the spawn of the devil

102415 March 12, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Iowa is not Kansas that's for sure. They really do know better.

ManchuCandidate March 12, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Suddenly a Satanist Death Metal band doesn't sound so bad after this wackjobs… even musically.

Swampgas_Man March 12, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Bring 'em BOTH on, for a "Battle of the Bands" we can really get behind!

poncho_pilot March 12, 2012 at 7:31 pm

live from Megiddo.

Schmannnity March 12, 2012 at 6:14 pm

In fairness, the school wanted Romney's band, Corporate Profit, but it had to settle for Santorum's Junkyard Prophet. PS Rick doesn't like homophones either.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Awesome cartoonist Keith Knight used to be in a hip hop band called the Marginal Prophets.

Sue4466 March 13, 2012 at 8:49 am

You win.

orygoon March 12, 2012 at 6:15 pm

My imaginary friend is much, much better than their imaginary friend.

caitifty March 13, 2012 at 12:46 am

Their imaginary friend has been smoking crack with the Ayatollah Ali Khamenei.

Local_Mojo March 12, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Somebody's Up With People concert got just a little bit out of hand.

AlterNewt March 12, 2012 at 6:16 pm

“They told my daughter, the girls, that they were going to have mud on their wedding dresses if they weren’t virgins…"

Worst Vivid video ever.

BarackMyWorld March 12, 2012 at 6:16 pm

How much influence do the members of this "band" think they have?

"You know, I feel attracted to other boys, but this band no one's ever heard of that played at my school told me that's wrong!"

HarryButtle March 12, 2012 at 6:46 pm

What teenager doesn't want to listen to a 45 year old "rocker" with a receding hairline and a scraggly ponytail, dressed in a warm-up suit from 1976, singing about NOT having sex?

nedbeaumontjr March 12, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Mittens, 50 years ago.

emmelemm March 12, 2012 at 9:07 pm

More like Santorum, 40 years ago.

nedbeaumontjr March 12, 2012 at 9:24 pm

You say po-tay-toe…

Guppy March 12, 2012 at 8:04 pm

"How much influence do the members of this "band" think they have? "

Exactly enough to get invited to lecture a red-state public school.

Negropolis March 13, 2012 at 1:35 am

More than enough, unfortunately.

mrblifil March 12, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Presumably there is a typo. I assume he was encouraging young women entering their sexual maturity to save themselves from marriage.

Fox n Fiends March 12, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Redd Foxx is the only junkyard prophet I'll ever listen too.

nounverb911 March 12, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Needs more heart attacks.

Dashboard Buddha March 12, 2012 at 7:09 pm

He belongs to Elizabeth now.

102415 March 12, 2012 at 11:24 pm

I loved that man.

Negropolis March 13, 2012 at 1:36 am

I, too, am a follower of Elizabeth, may her name be praised.

soeoho March 12, 2012 at 6:20 pm

This message was removed by divine intervention.

JackObin March 12, 2012 at 6:21 pm

This country is absolutely medieval. What's next, burning intellectuals at the stake? Trillions of dollars spent on education has gotten us nowhere.

Angry_Marmot March 12, 2012 at 6:40 pm

But it has provided a monster farm club system for the NBA and NFL.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 11:07 pm

It's trillions of dollars spent on the military and dozens of dollars spent on education… which actually explains quite a bit.

coolhandnuke March 12, 2012 at 6:21 pm

The school administration should have been tipped off by the opening band–The Westboro Baptist Choir and their rousing opening song "Die Fag Die."

Swampgas_Man March 12, 2012 at 7:00 pm

"The fag the"?

Dashboard Buddha March 12, 2012 at 7:07 pm

I saw what you did there.

YasserArraFeck March 12, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Sorry Buddy – This is 'Merkah. We no speakie EuroFagKraut here

DemmeFatale March 12, 2012 at 6:22 pm

OMG!!
PUBLIC school?!
This is the end, my friends!

FlownOver March 12, 2012 at 6:22 pm

But then they took a request for "Free Bird" and all was right again.

PS: Nice Arthur Brown ref in the alt-text.

Loaded_Pants March 12, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Another article I read about this described Junkyard Prophet as a "Christian heavy metal/rap group".
I have heard the "music" of such groups. Yes, it is awful. Makes you miss the days of Stryper at their peak.

orygoon March 12, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Here's hoping these assholes die lonely and somewhat painful (yet natural) deaths.

Warwhatgoodfor March 12, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Tertiary syphilis is natural

MadBrahms March 12, 2012 at 7:22 pm

At 42.

Antispandex March 12, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Well, if you are in Iowa, just because it's a public school doesn't mean there can't be "christian" nuts and/or musicians preaching to your kids. Because, after all, what could go wrong? Oh, and as Robert Johnson could have told them, if they are trying to be good musicians, they are going about this all wrong.

Swampgas_Man March 12, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Hell, back in Oklahoma, even the school bus drivers preached to us!

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Then again, Robert Johnson didn't make it to 42.

Mumbletypeg March 12, 2012 at 6:26 pm

the group offered "a very strong anti-violence, anti-drug, anti-alcohol" message.

The girls, meanwhile, were told to save themselves for their husbands

Those grapes of wrath turned rancid decades ago, with Promise Rings and Promise Keepers.

Guppy March 12, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Hey, I like Purity Ring

valthemus March 12, 2012 at 6:29 pm

"The girls, meanwhile, were told to save themselves for their husbands and assume a submissive role in the household."

I'd love to see them give this presentation at my old high school. Well before the mantra-chanting, a roomful of teenage girls would have "Junkyard Prophet" cowering under desks praying that they'd be allowed to leave with their testicles still attached.

glamourdammerung March 12, 2012 at 6:30 pm

But I thought the Muslims were the ones trying to use the state to force their stupidity on everyone else? Does this mean that conservatives lied?

anniegetyerfun March 12, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Muslims shove it down our throats. Heavy metal Chrisitans try to shove it up our asses (for Jesus).

Barrelhse March 12, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Were their lips moving?

glamourdammerung March 12, 2012 at 7:25 pm

The only conservative I am aware of that has lips is Palin. And hers are painted on.

102415 March 12, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Tattooed on actually.

glamourdammerung March 12, 2012 at 11:31 pm

I was trying to not think of that particular mental image actually.

HarryButtle March 12, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Norman Greenbaum he ain't.

glamourdammerung March 12, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Also, I am a bit reluctant to point this out, but this nonsense was also done a couple of decades ago in my high school.

Barrelhse March 12, 2012 at 6:54 pm

And we can all see how THAT little experiment worked out!

glamourdammerung March 12, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Well, I already had plenty of experience being told I was going to Hell over some odd detail about "my people killing Jesus".

Z Crudmonger March 12, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Sanguinum romanos.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 11:12 pm

"Yes, we killed him. We killed him because he wouldn't become a doctor. Signed, Morty" — old Lenny Bruce joke

Loaded_Pants March 12, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Elementary school. 1981-1988. Two words: Christian marionettes.

At least it was only once a year & we were spared the aborted fetus marionette.

glamourdammerung March 12, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Well, we are apparently about the same age so maybe this was more common than I previously would have assumed.

Loaded_Pants March 12, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Rural VA, it was. Oh, what childhood memories I have of being forced to attend one small church after another by older family members (my parents, or their friends, back when they still attended church & definitely my grandmother). I will NEVER forget the Sunday School teacher who told us 8-to-10 year-olds that we would go to hell if we didn't want to listen to the Gospel. What a wonderful thing to tell children, eh?
That event was the beginning of my skepticism and eventual atheism.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 11:14 pm

"I will NEVER forget the Sunday School teacher who told us 8-to-10 year-olds that we would go to hell if we didn't want to listen to the Gospel. What a wonderful thing to tell children, eh?"

"Now, the Protestants, they *might* get into Heaven after they go to Purgatory, because they at least believe in Jesus. But, ALL THE JEWS GO STRAIGHT TO HELL…"
*draws gigantic down arrow on blackboard*
"because they killed Jesus!" — Sister Ellen Peter, my Sunday school teacher

gout March 12, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Sort of like Insane Clown Posse but keepin it real…

MadBrahms March 12, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Also like Insane Clown Posse, Junkyard Prophet believes in miracles and most likely has no idea how magnets work.

heathenette March 12, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Keepin’ it real Dave Chapell style!

SayItWithWookies March 12, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Everyone anticipated the message from Junkyard Prophet, a traveling band based in Minnesota, to be about bullying and making good choices.

Well — they did get lessons on those topics, memorably delivered.

MadBrahms March 12, 2012 at 7:26 pm

The administration will also learn a lesson about good choices, when those nice men from the ACLU stop by to serve them papers.

anniegetyerfun March 12, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Dead at the age of 42? And there are 42 comments right now? What is this, Douglas Adams day?

valthemus March 12, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Actually, that's May 25th

Generation[redacted] March 12, 2012 at 6:58 pm

His birthday was yesterday. David Gilmour played at the party.

PubOption March 12, 2012 at 10:14 pm

The ultimate answer is seeking a question.

MissTaken March 12, 2012 at 6:33 pm

This is terrible, like Prussian Blue terrible.

Steverino247 March 12, 2012 at 8:00 pm

I thought Prussian Blue was only terrible if you were Austrian during the Seven Years War or Napoleon at Waterloo.

Guppy March 12, 2012 at 8:08 pm

She's referring to this, unfortunately.

HistoriCat March 12, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Sure it's a bit on the dark side but it's a very nice shade.

DangerHelvetica March 12, 2012 at 6:33 pm

George Takei is 74.

Loaded_Pants March 12, 2012 at 7:52 pm

And the ghosts of Harry Hay & John Burnside would like to have a few words with these young Junkyard Prophet fellers.

pinkocommi March 12, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Today, we are all sluts. You know… for solidarity.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 11:17 pm

But unlike *some* people, we're not ignorant sluts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k80nW6AOhTs

Redhead March 12, 2012 at 6:35 pm

"anyone who was gay was going to die at the age of 42"

So if you're over 42, are you fake ghey?

Z Crudmonger March 12, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I thinks by "die" they mean "get a sailboat and frequent fewer Pride parades".

assistantatlas March 13, 2012 at 12:19 am

Oh wait! You guys, I just asked my gay roommate about this. His response: "yeah, you're pretty much dead to the gay community once you're that age." I'm sure that someone who would make a statement like that would be well-connected to the gay community, so obviously that's gotta be what he meant.

Callyson March 12, 2012 at 6:48 pm

“They told these kids that anyone who was gay was going to die at the age of 42"
RuPaul is 51, Suze Orman will be 60…suck it, haters!

FlownOver March 12, 2012 at 7:06 pm

And even Rick Santorum is 53. I rest my case.

Loaded_Pants March 12, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Phyllis Lyon: 87.

assistantatlas March 13, 2012 at 12:22 am

Liberace died at 68. Rock Hudson at 60. And uh, if he's talking about AIDS and stuff…they, like, have medicines and stuff for that now. Although I guess if, like this guy, you're apparently living in the 1950s, perhaps not.

Chet Kincaid March 12, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Remember when the Jesus People and Christian bands like Resurrection Band actually had a social conscience? Hard to believe, but Wiki says it's true:

Rainbow's End is significant for being the first album by an American rock band to address the racist system of apartheid in South Africa, a full year before Peter Gabriel brought the issue to the world's attention with his classic song "Biko." Resurrection Band would eventually become known for grappling with a variety of social and political ills in its music, from the evils of the military-industrial complex to the corrupting influence of American materialism, racism, homelessness, AIDS, drug addiction, prostitution and many other issues that the band personally confronted in its ministry to their surrounding urban community in Chicago.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resurrection_Band

Midway117 March 13, 2012 at 1:11 am

Yep, I remember. They'd play Cornerstone Festival every year in Illinois and bombard us with the TRUTH about what was out there in the world and how we were supposed to respond based on the teachings of Christ. So no Apartheid, no racism, no kids or women used as pawns in war or the sex trade. And they lived their beliefs in what we suburbanites called "the inner city." Yes, they advocated a holy life but did not differentiate between men and women. And never once did I hear a negative word about my birth control pills.

Chet Kincaid March 12, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Time to bring out, once again, the greatest line ever uttered on "King Of The Hill":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2f6GKitW0M

Callyson March 12, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Jesus, I thought those tits were going to smother me!

Z Crudmonger March 12, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Why do I want a white Russian all of a sudden?

BaldarTFlagass March 12, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Iowa, you say? Needs more Slipknot. Does this guy do the "Cookie Monster" vocals that are so popular with the kids these days?

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 11:20 pm

""Cookie Monster" vocals"

Lulz, that's PERFECT!!

Rotundo_ March 12, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Kids must have been a well behaved lot, perhaps fundies themselves, cause in any *normal* high school, these clowns would have barely escaped with their lives, let alone their equipment. After the initial burst of laughter fades and the growls and projectiles start flying they would be shitting their pants for Juh-Heez-Zussssssss! Kids today do not suffer hack music and moralizing well from what I have seen. Unless they had guns on them, I'm amazed the girls didn't stomp them, let alone the guys.

smokefilledroommate March 12, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Junkyard Prophet Belongs In Landfill..

smokefilledroommate March 12, 2012 at 7:08 pm

So there are actually middle-aged gay zombies roaming around that nobody knew about?

CommieLibunatic March 12, 2012 at 7:10 pm

I might be godless scum, but at least I don't go around hurling anger and fear at everyone who isn't exactly like me. Just once, I'd like to see a religion that actually offers some worthy advice for these teenagers and their dastardly hormones. These losers are just chasing a setting sun, using some modern instrument to hammer in ideas that went stale long ago.

…oh, did I forget the snark? TOO BAD, FUCK THESE GUYS.

IceCreamEmpress March 12, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Both the Episcopalians and the Unitarians do a pretty good jerb with their sex-ed and sexual ethics materials for teens, actually. The husband says that his Reform temple's Hebrew school had an awkward but not actively offensive talk about sexuality and sexual ethics as part of the bar/bat mitzvah preparations, too.

Here's a link to the Unitarian sex ed curriculum. Awkward, sure, and kind of PBS-tote-bag-granola-cookie in style, but not heinous.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 11:25 pm

"Just once, I'd like to see a religion that actually offers some worthy advice for these teenagers and their dastardly hormones"

A good friend of mine once commented that the abstinence stuff may go over with prepubescent kids and old folks, but fails miserably with the age brackets in between — in other words, it only works with those people who have no possibility of sex anyway.

Rotundo_ March 12, 2012 at 7:12 pm

And the best part is the band got paid $1,500 for the fun and hijinks the kids had. According to the article the school is trying to get a refund from the band, I wish them luck on that. What they should do, however is deduct that sum from the paycheck of the idiot who booked them-after taxes.

Callyson March 12, 2012 at 7:13 pm

About this crap about how if a female has sex she is suddenly "impure"–just what is it that causes the "impurity"? Plus, the God these assholes believe in apparently has no trouble with the dudes getting it on. How are they supposed to do that without making a female impure?
Oh yeah…

cheetojeebus March 12, 2012 at 7:18 pm

While they didn't play at my high school I did enjoy a concert of
The Dicks
The Cramps
The Midols and
Sharon Tate's Baby
round about that time in my life. Was a rather cynical sex ed lesson.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 11:31 pm

The Cramps and the Midols should be on the same bill as Hole.

WiscDad March 12, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Here's a great article about the 'event' http://wcfcourier.com/news/local/prophet-eyes-a-s

I hope they come to my neck of the woods sometime…they will run and they will hide

Boojum_Reborn March 12, 2012 at 7:25 pm

"According to witnesses, the leader in that effort also forced the young ladies to chant a manta of sorts about remaining pure."

Chant a manta? What, like "Hey, hey, I'm a ray, don't fuck now or you'll turn gay?". That kind of manta?

MadBrahms March 12, 2012 at 7:34 pm

"It's cool! It's bitchin'! Good Christian girls stay in the kitchen!" (shh, it's ok to swear when you're delivering The News)

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 11:32 pm

I was *going* to chant a manta, but then I had to skate.

EmileZoloft March 13, 2012 at 3:49 am

Your head can go real screw
When the gays chasin' you

Do the manta gay

whatupirondog March 12, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Really disappointed to see Wonkette's apparent agenda against bands who "ain't stoppin'" and also who's "convictions poppin'" :(

WiscDad March 12, 2012 at 8:42 pm

and whose members are 'cherry poppin'

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 11:32 pm

How should we wave our hands in the air, O Lord?

poncho_pilot March 13, 2012 at 3:41 am

put your hands in the air. wave them like you just said a prayer.

glamourdammerung March 12, 2012 at 7:31 pm

I recall this "You can run by you can not hide ministry" group for being involved in another feat of stupidity previously.

I had to use the google machine, but here it is:
http://motherjones.com/politics/2011/05/michele-b

Although he portrays himself as a spirited defender of the Constitution, going so far as to offer a 12-week Constitution study class for $240, his past association with an anti-government group calls that into question. Until 2010, Dean was a member of Oregon-based Embassy of Heaven, a self-described "Christian Patriot" organization which subscribes to Sovereign Citizen ideology—the idea that citizens are themselves sovereign nations and therefore not bound to the laws of the United States.

Scott Roeder, the anti-abortion extremist who murdered Dr. George Tiller at his Wichita, Kansas church in 2009, was a member of Embassy, which makes money by selling fake license plates and passports. As part of his membership in the group, Dean signed a statement "renouncing his allegiance to the world and declaring citizenship in the Kingdom of Heaven" (he did, however, continue to pay taxes). The group has been identified as an "anti-government group" by the Department of Justice.

In March, authorities arrested five Alaska sovereigns who were allegedly involved in a plot to murder state troopers and a federal judge.

MadBrahms March 12, 2012 at 7:43 pm

To be fair, God only set up the embassy so he could get out of parking tickets.

glamourdammerung March 12, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Also, this group is lead by the clown that was going to sue Rachel Maddow for pointing out that he advocates murdering homosexuals (she "misquoted" him by playing the full quote in context). Funny, I do not think he has filed the suit yet. I wonder what he is waiting for.

emmelemm March 12, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I remember that story appearing on the Wonkette… with accompanying photo of the assholes in question. We mocked their shitty middle-aged "rock band" appearance. (Too lazy to look it up, though.)

MadBrahms March 12, 2012 at 8:21 pm

I live to serve, just like a good Christian girl should, even though I am neither.

My favorite parts are the righteous Mullet 4 Christ and the repeated "Axl Rose, why?!" comments it inspired.

emmelemm March 12, 2012 at 9:07 pm

You R awesome.

glamourdammerung March 12, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Yeah, I tend to read the links though and remembered the "ministry" name. I just figured folks might like to know that this group is a repeat offender in showing up here.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 11:34 pm

"I wonder what he is waiting for."

A sign from above?

IceCreamEmpress March 12, 2012 at 7:46 pm

My high school hosted a terrible rock band called "Condor: The Environmental Rock Band" and we practically spitballer/cat called them off the stage. These asschapeaux would probably have sustained significant contusions at best.

Still remember Condor's show-stopping number "Money Money Money Killed the Whales." And when I say "show-stopping", I mean Mr. Raffier, the vice-principal, stopped the show to yell at us for throwing stuff at Condor.

owhatever March 12, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Junkyard Prophet then picked out a nice looking 10th grader, bought some weed, went into the back of his van down by the river and explained that he was 41 years old and thought he better try buttsexx a few more times before his next birthday.

extreme_left March 12, 2012 at 8:04 pm

needs moar kool aid

Guppy March 12, 2012 at 8:12 pm

"Your editrix called and checked, for Journalism."

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!

GreatChristiano March 12, 2012 at 8:23 pm

At least it wasn't one of those "Don't do drugs" assemblies–the kids woulda been doomed!

MadBrahms March 12, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Demon Abuse Resistance Education?

GreatChristiano March 12, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Ah yes, the DARE program…

Loaded_Pants March 12, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Hehe. I remember our DARE assemblies. An officer from the county's sheriff's dept. was in charge of it & would appear with a puppet (what was up with all the puppets back in the day? I'm surprised it never ruined the Muppets for me). Years later, guess what this officer's son was arrested for? Just guess.

GreatChristiano March 12, 2012 at 10:01 pm

In my city, the biggest drug dealer was the Police Chief's son.

But I'm guessing the officer's son (from your tale) got arrested for distracted driving for playing with a puppet behind the wheel?

trampndirtdown March 12, 2012 at 10:07 pm

My parents neighbor was a DARE officer, cops would show up once a week when he was beating the shit out of his wife in the front yard. Never was arrested though. Justice.

raresteaksandoilpainting March 12, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Do did anybody point out that this band is fronted by Bradlee Dean, who is butt buddies with Michele Bachmann? Because it is. This is also the guy suing Rachel Maddow for defaming him for the purposes of advancing a gay agenda. I'm pretty sure you've written about him before. He was invited to say the prayer at the Minnesota house of representatives and used the opportunity to make a crack about Barry O'Beezzy being a secret non-Jesus worshipper. He's an all around classy guy, and they have a pretty regular thing going around and giving these 'shows' in public highschools in the midwest.

raresteaksandoilpainting March 12, 2012 at 9:37 pm

someone did point that out. but
here's a fun link about how he's basically been doing this same thing for 10 years across the midwest.
http://minnesotaindependent.com/45902/michele-bac

raresteaksandoilpainting March 12, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Also here is the obligatory article from the Weekly Standard that has the author (Matt Labash) giving Bradlee Deen's asshole a big ol wet sloppy kiss.
http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Arti

horsedreamer_1 March 12, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Should have booked Slipknot.

GreatChristiano March 12, 2012 at 10:37 pm

An assembly for making good choices?

Let me guess–they tell ya what choice to make, right???

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 10:52 pm

“They told these kids that anyone who was gay was going to die at the age of 42,”

WTFF??
Why 42 in particular, rather than 41 or 43 or 39?
Is it an embedded reference to the Douglas Adams quote that says the answer to everything is 42?

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Your move, South Carolina.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 11:09 pm

"The girls, meanwhile, were told to save themselves for their husbands"

Or their fathers, whatever.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 11:27 pm

I'm borrowing from somebody (Alex Comfort?) here, but if this society had a healthy attitude about sex, abstinence would have no more value than malnutrition.

natoslug March 12, 2012 at 11:56 pm

The only famous person to come to my high school was Mr. Bungle, but that's because Patton is a local boy. Was. And I guess no longer a boy. GET OFF MY FUCKING LAWN!!!!!!!1!!!!

poncho_pilot March 13, 2012 at 3:49 am

did they play My Ass Is On Fire?

Jukesgrrl March 13, 2012 at 5:50 am

Isn't this a regular skit on Saturday Night Live?

ttommyunger March 13, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Clearly the morons are winning in some parts of the Country.

starfanglednut March 12, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Sounds like a keeper!

poncho_pilot March 12, 2012 at 7:24 pm

or a freeper.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Marijuana is a big cash crop in some parts of North Carolina. Not in the town where I lived, but in one of the rural, middle of nowhere counties in the mountains, the sheriff and his son were the weed connection.

Is that a movie of the week (Brian Dennehy as the sheriff), or what?

poncho_pilot March 13, 2012 at 3:45 am

"In my city, the biggest drug dealer was the Police Chief's son."

it so, so often is.

Negropolis March 13, 2012 at 1:55 am

The whole "Jesus killer" libel has always confused the hell out of me. It's because of this why I can kind of find the Christians' way back to seeing Jews as necessary in their story kind of refeshing, if only they see them as a means to an end, because that's how their religion had always viewed it at the beginning.

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