Fox News’ Carl Cameron reported an EXCLUSIVE (MUST CREDIT DERRICK BELL) story yesterday about the possibility of Newt Gingrich “forming a predetermined ticket with Perry [that] will unite the evangelical, Tea Party and very conservative voters” and allow them to win the nomination at the convention. Both Gingrich and Perry’s people are publicly denying that they’ve talked about this, but come on — this has all the trappings of an authentic Newt Gingrich Big Idea.
The rationale here must be… that… if a bomb-throwing, incompetent, frighteningly spontaneous candidate with narrow general election appeal could be balanced on the bottom half of the ticket with a bomb-throwing, incompetent, frighteningly spontaneous candidate with narrow general election appeal, then convention delegates would obviously rush at the opportunity to thrust this clown duo into a general election matchup against Barack Obama. Gingrich/Perry — it’s got “acceptable to a broad national coalition” right there on the label!
But we shouldn’t underestimate the ability of 2012 Republican convention delegates to see a big red blinking button saying “ELECTORAL SUICIDE” and press it forcefully, after determining that the button is acting like a Yankee snob that thinks it knows everything. So yeah, this’ll probably happen.
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Will Callista be servicing Rick in the parking lot too?
Worst. "Wife-Swappers." Ever.
Ewwwww.
Hey, Callista Flockhart is reasonably hot, and does like them old guys….oh you meant the other one? Never mind.
How about they go with Southern tradition and Callista and Anita Perry take up mud wrestling? It'd be classy.
I think it's time they call up Nancy Reagan from the back bench, best fellatrix in republican history!
Sounds more like the uniting of blowhards and idiots
i'd vote for them… on the moon.
You know who else is on the moon?
Arnold Rimmer?
On the count of three everyone take your space helmets off and breathe in the nice fresh moon air! 1…2…3!! Oh no!!! I didn't say Simon Says!
Mr Speaker,
Gov. Palin line 1.
Fat/Stupid 2012.
More like, "Fat and Sounds Smart to Stupid People, but Isn't/Just Stupid 2012"
Fat drunkand stupid is no way to go through life son.- Dean Wermer.
I confess to not finding the win in anywhere in this.
Oops, forgot about Texas and Georgia and South Carlina.
Also Mr & Missus Sippi. Too.
Not altogether certain about the Missus.
So true. They would vote for the devil as long as he is not blah and a democrat.
Newt-Perry – this would be the ideal ticket – if they were running for the President and VP of the Confederate States of America……
You mean they aren't ?
Oh please, can they? I'm coming round to thinking I'd even PAY them to secede.
Coming soon to a voting booth near you; Dumbererer and Dumbererer.
Oooh, Sarah's gonna be pissed !!!
Sarah can run on the Alaskan Independence Party ticket.
They've promised her the job of Secretary of State if she stops pouting.
I highly support Gingrich/Perry as the Teaparty candidates. I mean seriously who gives flying fuck?(I realize though that might be something one of Newt's wives did)
Can't wait for the behind the scenes book/movie "Lame Change".
McCain picked Palin, now Newt picks Perry…. they really like their VPs stupid I guess
I think they consider it the Presidential Life Insurance Policy.
As pioneered by George H. W. Bush.
Remember how panicked we all were when he vomited in Japan?? The cold, dark reality of a Quayle Presidency was our collective national nightmare.
Luckily that didn't happen – but then his son had to come along and show us what that would have been like. And we still suffer for it.
I'd like the think it was the very thought of a Quayle presidency that made GHWB barf.
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." How can we forget DQ wisdom.
Apparently, bushururu is the Japanese slang term for barfing on someone. Also, remember the old joke-"What are the five most frightening words in the English language? 'Barbara, I'm having chest pains.'" Or "Secret Service Order Number 7: In the event that the President dies, shoot the Vice President." Good times.
Sixty-six percent of Mississippi GOP voters believe this is a natural selection.
Except they don't believe in natural selection.
Sixty-six percent of Mississippi GOP voters will believe anything.
Newt Gingrich could have a time-traveling Ronald Reagan as his running mate and they still wouldn't nominate him.
Time-traveling Ronald Reagan? Why bother with the science. http://www.zazzle.com/zombie_reagan_tshirt-235967…
I considered that, but didn't use it because I figured a time travelling Reagan might be exempt from term limits if he travelled from a period before he was president.
Smart, very smart.
Sorry, GOP. Nominating a specious prick and dunderhead running mate doesn't exactly qualify as a balanced ticket.
What do you mean? Looks fair and balanced to me!
OT, but MarcelleMarceau, I have ALL your records!
The only way this makes sense is that Newtie is thinking of marrying Rick for his (campaign) money.
its legal in dc now, right?
This is like putting Glenn Beck Tech and Heartland Baptist Bible College in your final four.
Thanks for the bracket tip…my final four is now complete with Clown College and Dead NBA Mormon Baptized All-Stars meeting in the final.
Meanwhile…the God Damned Duggars (with 19 kids, what else do you call them?) are all standing outside the Alabama Theatre cheering on Newt while Jeff Foxworthy and all his dumber than 5th grade minions are here with Mitt. I didn't think it was possible to lower the collective IQ of Republicans in my state, apparently I was wrong.
Wait, I thought the Duggars were for Santorum? Are they cheating on Rick with Newt?
You are absolutely right – that is a typo. Them Duggars was all in a froth over the Santorum. These idiots are all running together now. I don't even know who the biggest joke I am supposed to vote for tomorrow is any more. My (only) 61yo mother is flipping out. She told me today (after fussing at me for my language on wonkette at the ballpark Saturday) "We have got to get the fuck out of here. These people are crazy."
Gingrich. He's the only one competitive with Romney in your state, so vote for the bloat!
In the words of Stephen Cobert:
"If you're a multi-million dollar comedian who endorses a "multi-million dollar financier, you might not be a redneck."
Please please please please please please ad infinitum.
Biden (at the V.P. debate):
"Governor Perry, I knew Dan Quayle, and you, sir, are no Dan Quayle."
I'm holding out for a Palin/Bachmann ticket.
That would make me afraid the VP would die and the President would not have the benefit of his (relative) wisdom.
This is kind of a n****er head scratcher.
Excellent Alt-text ,I love the new Dirty Ginger Jim .
Words from a man who has apparently swallowed more than his share.
God called, he's like Rick Santorum to be President, and Rick Perry to leave him the fuck alone.
So a Loser hooks up with an even bigger Loser in order to not any longer be a Loser?
Ole Newt is worried about carrying Texas? Geez – I would have thought Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania, New York, Illinois and California would have been ahead of The Lone Star State on his Bucket List.
I write "Bucket List" because, for my money, his campaign has already Kicked the Bucket. Like The Rabbit. And Smiler Grogan. Also.
"So a Loser hooks up with an even bigger Loser in order to not any longer be a Loser?"
Sounds like the plot to an 80's teen movie.
Helmet hair/Helmet head 2012.
Wood eye.
Bob McDonnell doesn't approve.
Yeah, promise to run along a man whose constant blundering and foot-in-mouth disease got him laughed out of the primaries.
If the GOPers do this then it will be the first time in a long time that voting against their best interests works out for the rest of the world.*
DO IT!!!
*I find it hilarious that the GOP would depend on the judgement of people that vote against their "best" interests and who really have no good judgement of their own.
God it's like Pinky and The Brain live! What are we doing tonight Newt!? The same thing we do every night Ricky, TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
But which one is The Brain??
None of 'em, Katie.
Newt thinks he is.
Newt edges Rick in vocabulary, but beyond that it seems to be a draw. He is shorter and has a bigger head so the resemblance is somewhat there for Brain. As for Rick, I haven't heard him emit Narf! randomly, but a few more weeks on the campaign trail and the painkillers and booze might have turned him literally into Pinky.
Oh, Newt, no doubt. Like The Brain, he only believes he is a genius when he's anything but.
They've got the fat, bigoted, adulterous, gun toting, closeted, religious fundamentalist, stupid, stupid masquerading as smart, senile, out and out liar votes all locked up. Yup, that's a winning ticket!
Now that you put it that way, I'm worried. Could be a majority. But I speak from Texas, so my perspective may be skewed. Or screwed. Or both.
It's as if the Purity Prayer-y League of GOP voters were Snow White being asked to settle on which two dwarves would best guide her from harm's way through the thickets and brambles of our Modern Era.
Funny, cause I'd figured Sleepy and Dopey would be the first two ruled out.
Dopey's got a cock this long and Sleepy can lick his eyebrows.
As long as Perry avoids gotcha questions, like counting beyond 1, he should be ok.
Now, now, Rick can count all the way to 2. It's 3 that trips him up. Give him some credit.
I find that when an utter contempt for discipline and bone ignorance team up you can get some really startling outcomes. It's analogous to the act of showering and a plugged in toaster being relatively benign on their own but just try combining them.
With apologies to Barney Frank…
I did not think I had lived a good enough life to see a Frank – Perry ticket…
This is brilliant — it could be called the Coalition of the Witless. Though I think even Newt would consider it a bad idea, especially since they're both southerners (Newt being from Georgia or Virginia and Perry from Texas) — and even today's GOP would consider that a strategically bad move. But if Perry wants to play Eric Estrada to Newt's Bullwinkle, I say go for it.
Wait, who's the top and who's the bottom on this ticket?
Callista?
That's more of a sexual than a political question.
Dear dog, is this possible!
This could be bigger than Martin & Lewis.
I'm not going to comment because someone else has probably just hit Submit Comment with pretty much the same content, as I'm typing this.
has it been a bad day?
I wouldn't have said THAT, but, yeah, pretty much the same content.
Now it will be $2.49 per gallon gas. Hurrah!
Campaign Slogan: "Oops!"
"Gas in every tank, and a man in every electric chair."
"mine fell the hardest."
"mine are the deadest."
"ha HA!"
Grift Cassidy and the Dumbass Kid
Well, why stop there? Start a new politcal party. How about the Drool Party?
Or go back to the classic "Know Nothing" Party?
"I'm gonna take my hand out of my pants long enough to vote!"
This is the best thing I have ever heard in my entire life. Now if they would just add Sarah the Grifter to be on their ticket as the Vice President (Women), it would be ideal.
Sarah would be the ideal ambassador to England.
A quick glance at a map shows that the I-20 links SC, GA and TX. So, this is basically Federal Government's fault.
has there ever been a more embarrassing election than this?
no, seriously. ever?
bumper stickerz here!!!! get yer bumper stickerz!!!
I hope the Gingrich/Perry ticket will be distributing free Tiffany's blood diamonds and Arab oil for everyone!
Following his loss Gingrich could only echo McCain and say Perry was 'best qualified'. To be the hind end of a 2-man jackass.
Allah them, Katie. Whichever candidates have been nominated in front of me.
Well, that's because it would be illegal to do so.
Why doesn't one of them just select Larry the Cable Guy, already, and be done with it?
They might've said "No" out loud, but they said 'Yes' in their hearts.
The paradox is: if Newt were a real conservative, he'd drop out of the race and let The Sanitarium win the nominatium. But no, or whatever.
"evangelical, Tea Party and very conservative voters" can be shortened, per Strunk's style guide, p. 344, to "omfg stupid as fuck idiots". Thank you for your attention.
Hey, whatever it takes to flush those turds is fine by me.
Gingrich, not as smart as he pretends, and Perry, not quite as dumb as he appears. Sounds like a balanced ticket to me.
Ginger Rogers actually did give Fred Astair sex appeal, but it will take more than Governor Goodhair to smooth over your natural repulsiveness, Newt.
Eeww, the thought that Dan Quayle actually knew where to put it gives me a queazy feeling.
And who was the poor woman who had to lie back and think of America while he did it? His wife or some idiot intern?
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