chuck grassley's twitter

Chuck Grassley Learns Devastating Truth About The History Channel

Oh, dear. Grampa Cornpants is experiencing the senior’s equivalent of discovering there’s no Santa Claus: Learning that the History Channel is just a bunch of alien Nazi sweepstakes porn that instantly lobotomizes the viewer. Oh god, now Grassley’s communications guy is going to holler at us for breaking the Santa Claus news to the Senator… but we’ll deal with that later.

This has been going on for weeks, on Twitter:

Chuck, Chuck, if you think that’s funny, get this: “The Learning Channel.”

[Chuck Grassley’s Twitter]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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        1. UnholyMoses

          Ya, we occasionally tune in for Teh Lulz.

          It's amazing how anything they can't immediately explain and/or understand is automatically "ALIENS!" with this guy in the same way fundies answer with "JESUS!"

      1. Limeylizzie

        The Nazis had the best uniforms, originally by Hugo Boss, so fierce and scary. MrLimeylizzie is a Production Designer and he is a huge fan of Albert Speer, artistically, he says he basically art directed the Nurnberg Rallies , so Mr Speer was , in fact, a Production Designer .

  1. EatsBabyDingos

    Gassy Chuckler does not make me laugh. Except when I say "gassy chuckler." He probably wonders why he can't get his horoscope looking at pictures from the Hubble.

  2. Callyson

    Just tuned into C – SPAN. No work done in Congress. We used to see work being done in Congress. Why do we have such a Congress when it does not do anything.

  3. Baconzgood

    Just turned on the Tea-Party. How come there's no fundamental constitutional understanding?

      1. redarmyzombie

        Nyet comrade, we do not! ANY act of sex with those sagging lumps of blubber, just…*shudder*

  4. ablington

    Fox News has no news, etc. Grassley could tweet this theme for months to come, yo. And he totally should.

      1. SorosBot

        And I turned on Comedy Central, and they had an Adam Sandler movie – that shit's not funny!

  5. jodyleek

    History on the History Channel, like music videos on MTV, went the way of the onion belt, old man.

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      Let's think about this for a minute… The less governing Grassley does, the better off we all are.

  6. AlaskaGrrl

    Old Chuck just lurves him some history.
    Why they not give Chuck history?
    Chuck will blame Obama.
    And women wanting contraception.
    And teh Gays.

  7. Clancy_Pants

    I know how he feels. Every time I switch to A & E to watch Storage Wars there is a commercial. I keep channel surfing and every time I come back, commercial! It's so aggravating. Except I don't tweet every time it happens. But then I sortof have a job and don't have the time.. Well except for Wonkette.. but you know, priorities.

  8. Mumbletypeg

    The message I'm getting is no different than most twitter feeds I've learned are best ignored: Someone (Grassley) needs you to notice <something> as much or as badly or as often as he/she[Grassley] is noticing it right now, and now, and .. .

  9. Come here a minute

    It must make Senator Grassley happy to know that when you go to twitter you can be sure to get twits.

  10. IceCreamEmpress

    Does he not understand the concept of "looking to see what's on"?

    Wait, this is Chuck Grassley. Of course he doesn't.

    I am srsly expecting him to literally Tweet "You kids get off my lawn" any day now.

  11. UnholyMoses

    No one better tell him that "The Learning Channel" doesn't have a single show involving learning anything that needs learning.

    H2, on the other hand (and with several exceptions) still has kick ass shows such as "The Universe," and the Science Channel often has real science on it.

      1. UnholyMoses

        Which is when I stopped watching them.

        Well, it's not like they had anything worth watching before then. I just made more of a concerted effort after that point.

  12. EatsBabyDingos

    Why does Chuck hate Rick Santorum? Because comments like these make Rick Santorum seem sane, and that, my friends, does not win elections.

  13. elviouslyqueer

    Dear Senator Grassley:

    For the last goddamn time, we are not interested in broadcasting excerpts from your personal family film library. And especially not the blooper reels showing you being sodomized by a Shetland pony at the 1921 Iowa State Fair.

    Cease and desist already, you moron.

    The History Channel Programming Department

  14. BaldarTFlagass

    Tony Soprano used to watch the History Channel all the time. Grassley better watch out what he criticizes.

  15. KeepFnThatChicken

    Should we let him know that there's no entertainment, enrichment or erudition on teevee, too?

  16. FNMA

    "I turned on the Spice channel and didn't see anything about cinnamon. Watched for hours and nothing about spices at all."

  17. EatsBabyDingos

    The History Channel has taught me everything I need to know about sex and Ancient Nazi Space Sasquatches throughout history.

  18. OneYieldRegular

    If he doesn't restrain himself, he runs the risk of alienating Rich Iott and the rest of the WWII Nazi re-enactor faction of the party.

  19. ttommyunger

    Poor Chuckles is just trying to make up for the fact that he couldn't learn History in school when he was a boy… It was so long ago they didn't have any.

  20. anniegetyerfun

    We might have already gone over this, but has Grassley ever Tweeted a twat without spelling/grammar/capitalization errors? I don't expect him to say anything relevant, just, you know, for ONCE, to check to see if he spelled "history" right.

  21. CapeClod

    I was going to say he could try reading a book on the subject, then I remembered that he's a Republican.

      1. SorosBot

        And the Science Channel is all Pumpkin Chunkin' and other ways of crushing shit and blowing it up. Sad times.

        1. Maman

          No, no… I still see the beautiful and soothing Brian Cox on the Science Channel or is that the Green Channel. He is the James Blunt of science

      2. vulpes82

        H2 still occasionally has some real history on it, though. And I can at least rationalize Pawn Stars because you do actually learn stuff via material culture of the past. But the swamp people and ax guys… that shit's just Poor Porn.

  22. SorosBot

    It's taken him ten years to notice this? What has the old man been napping the whole time; or is it short-term memory loss?

  23. Deportably_Jose

    Sadly, this is the most original observation ever made by Chuck Grassley.

    And God help us if he ever tunes into MTV or The Learning Channel. We'll never hear the end of it.

    1. SorosBot

      I think The Learning Channel just goes by TLC, giving up on all pretense to education. But they should go with something more accurate, like "The Babies, Babies, Babies, Channel".

      1. Deportably_Jose

        Man, I remember back in the day, with the learning, TLC would occasionally air a documentary called The Human Animal, which was about human sociology and physiology, but in the style of a nature documentary, and incredibly well-done.

        The part that stuck in the mind of ImpressionableYouthfully_Joe was definitely the segment on sexuality, which, while not terribly graphic, did definitely feature the occasional boobie.

        I definitely had liked The Learning Channel as a precocious, nerdy, pre-teen, but that was the documentary that made me love The Learning Channel.

  24. ElPinche

    Basic cable sucks…still no show about a family of 20 midget hoarders who own a custom gun shop and a cake making company.

  25. BornInATrailer

    Sadly, the History Channel isn't even the Hitler Channel any more. Those golden days have passed.

    1. vulpes82

      The Military Channel is where it's at now for Hitler stuff. Very interesting series running at the moment about espionage in WWII, and there was one a few months ago chronicling the various Nazi collaborators.

      It's funny, but people forget that before the History Channel, A&E was All Hitler, All the Time, with occasional British costume dramas to break up the monotony. But A&E hasn't touched anything approaching art, and only tangentially entertainment, in a good fifteen years.

  26. crybabyboehner

    This is what happens when you let the private sector have teevee stations. If you want to see the Teletubbies, you have to watch PBS!

  27. elviouslyqueer


    Just turned to BET. Thought it would b abt gambling. NO. instead full of NI**ers. Why do we h v such a channel

  28. Doktor Zoom

    On the other hand, the vast cornucopia of educational programming available on cable certainly presents a compelling case for the elimination of PBS.

  29. KeepFnThatChicken

    If he wants programming titles to matches the output, he could always watch Teen Mom, Breaking Bad, Bullshit, and Shepherd Smith (because that's how Fox treats their viewers).

  30. widestanceromance

    There is, sadly, no G on HGTV, either, but the tens of people who care seem to be keeping their rant on the DL.

    Or just cold fired their TV like me.

  31. barto

    Well, this clearly explains why Chuck keeps voting for policy positions that yield no positive outcomes as well. He's no Pavlov's Dog!

  32. proudgrampa

    "Why do we watch the History Channel?"

    "Well, when we study history, we learn something and won't make the same mistakes in the future."

    "Yeah, right."

  33. Antispandex

    Mr. Grassley, history belongs to those who shoot hogs, buy shit and resell it, cut down the forests for cash, and (lately) joust…..Your constituents! Not to the brave, or the victors. You win!

  34. chascates

    The History Channel, A&E, probably even the Golf Channel has gone to reality shows now. Cheaper to produce and guaranteed to bring in a huge audience of slack-jawed mouth breathers. From Okie noodlers to alligator hunters to junk shop operators, reality shows are the new Playhouse Theater.

  35. MadBrahms

    You'd think Ice Road Truckers would be the kind of proud, rugged, American masculinity Cornfed could get behind.

    …wait, Canadians?!

  36. shebeers

    The senator should just be a little more patient. I know that Pawn Stars appears to be a white trash version of Antiques Roadshow, but when Mark from the museum shows up he'll give him a 2 minute history lesson that will probably fit in perfectly with his attention span.

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