CHUCK GRASSLEY'S TWITTER  1:26 pm March 12, 2012

Chuck Grassley Learns Devastating Truth About The History Channel

by Jim Newell

Oh, dear. Grampa Cornpants is experiencing the senior’s equivalent of discovering there’s no Santa Claus: Learning that the History Channel is just a bunch of alien Nazi sweepstakes porn that instantly lobotomizes the viewer. Oh god, now Grassley’s communications guy is going to holler at us for breaking the Santa Claus news to the Senator… but we’ll deal with that later.

This has been going on for weeks, on Twitter:

Chuck, Chuck, if you think that’s funny, get this: “The Learning Channel.”

[Chuck Grassley's Twitter]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 158 comments }

GunToting[Redacted] March 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

What time does Matlock come on?

LesBontemps March 12, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Conflicts with the early-bird special.

jzgplj March 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

But Ancient Aliens is so much fun!

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Ancient! History! Come ON Chuck! Get with the program!

UnholyMoses March 12, 2012 at 1:44 pm
actor212 March 12, 2012 at 2:10 pm

I love him. Between this clown and the lead asshat on Finding Bigfoot, I remember that I'm actually sane, and not faking it.

jzgplj March 12, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I know, the whole show is like watching a train wreck, you just can't look away!

UnholyMoses March 12, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Ya, we occasionally tune in for Teh Lulz.

It's amazing how anything they can't immediately explain and/or understand is automatically "ALIENS!" with this guy in the same way fundies answer with "JESUS!"

vulpes82 March 12, 2012 at 3:05 pm

The only credible proof of alien life on that show is that weird guy's hair.

FlownOver March 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Same reason there's no news on Fox News. Duh.

Chillatte March 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Man, it must be nice to be able to sit on your ass all day and watch the History Channel while bitching about it on Twatter.

Chet Kincaid March 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Now you know how we feel when we look for statesmen in Congress, dipshit.

HistoriCat March 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Perfect – succinct and 100% accurate.

Limeylizzie March 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I, of course, love the Hitler Channel.

starfanglednut March 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

All those men in uniforms!

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 1:37 pm

And that's just the Pawn Stars!

Limeylizzie March 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm

The Nazis had the best uniforms, originally by Hugo Boss, so fierce and scary. MrLimeylizzie is a Production Designer and he is a huge fan of Albert Speer, artistically, he says he basically art directed the Nurnberg Rallies , so Mr Speer was , in fact, a Production Designer .

Doktor Zoom March 12, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Still, you'd think they'd notice that their insignia identified them as the baddies

Also, How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Does it have to be a lightbulb?

Chillatte March 12, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Isn't their motto "Fair & Balanced"?

prommie March 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Auf die knie . . . .

Limeylizzie March 12, 2012 at 2:17 pm

und schluck!

prommie March 12, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Schwanz saugen schlampe.

Limeylizzie March 13, 2012 at 10:53 am

Ich denke du muss drigend einen geblasen kreigen, Herr Obersturmfuhrer.

Maman March 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm

And always on Sunday. We call it Nazi Sunday at our house.

iburl March 12, 2012 at 1:29 pm

"Arts" and "Entertainment"

ManchuCandidate March 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Back in the day we knew it as Arts and Explosions.

ablington March 12, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Animal Planet has that Bigfoot Show. Ergo, NO ANIMALS.

EatsBabyDingos March 12, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Gassy Chuckler does not make me laugh. Except when I say "gassy chuckler." He probably wonders why he can't get his horoscope looking at pictures from the Hubble.

Designer_Rants March 12, 2012 at 1:43 pm

"And why can't I see that Tom Hanks Space Movie from that damn satellite?"

Callyson March 12, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Just tuned into C – SPAN. No work done in Congress. We used to see work being done in Congress. Why do we have such a Congress when it does not do anything.
/fixed

soeoho March 12, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Its a still camera shot…isn't it?

Baconzgood March 12, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Just turned on the Tea-Party. How come there's no fundamental constitutional understanding?

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 2:00 pm

And where is the teabagging they promised us? Wait I didn't actually want to see that.

redarmyzombie March 13, 2012 at 2:55 am

Nyet comrade, we do not! ANY act of sex with those sagging lumps of blubber, just…*shudder*

twoeightnine March 12, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Seems like he has a history of this.

horsedreamer_1 March 12, 2012 at 9:08 pm

CommentNinja has warned this user, & moved this thread to #horatiocaint

LesBontemps March 12, 2012 at 1:30 pm

And why aren't there any peanuts in Circus Peanuts?

jzgplj March 12, 2012 at 1:31 pm

and how come they are orange?

Designer_Rants March 12, 2012 at 1:47 pm
ablington March 12, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Fox News has no news, etc. Grassley could tweet this theme for months to come, yo. And he totally should.

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm

And MTV? No music! No videos!

And what about airline food, I tell you!

ablington March 12, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Precisely. Grassley is pretty much Seinfeld redux.

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 2:02 pm

And I turned on Comedy Central, and they had an Adam Sandler movie – that shit's not funny!

AbandonHope March 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm

And there are no Columbians on the Columbia Broadcasting Network!

Tundra Grifter March 12, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Look, Pops, the entire GNoPee "doesn't do history."

RadioStalingrad March 12, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Jerry Seinfeld just looked in his rear view mirror.

jodyleek March 12, 2012 at 1:31 pm

History on the History Channel, like music videos on MTV, went the way of the onion belt, old man.

Guppy March 12, 2012 at 2:12 pm

When will the History Channel start airing Daria?

DahBoner March 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Right after Dr. Katz…

dadanarchist March 12, 2012 at 1:32 pm

"I just turned on Chuck and it's not about me." – Chuck Grassley

freakishlywrong March 12, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Why do we h v such a Senator when he doesnt do governing?

GunToting[Redacted] March 12, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Let's think about this for a minute… The less governing Grassley does, the better off we all are.

freakishlywrong March 12, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Gd pnt. #worthlessassholes.

AlaskaGrrl March 12, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Old Chuck just lurves him some history.
Why they not give Chuck history?
Chuck will blame Obama.
And women wanting contraception.
And teh Gays.

edgydrifter March 12, 2012 at 1:32 pm

And Oxygen is terribly misleading, too.

BaldarTFlagass March 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Dude, there's no "history" during the commercials. Just wait a couple minutes.

Tundra Grifter March 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

On the other hand, Santorum is still full of Santorum.

slowhansolo March 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

And what the hell? No one dies in 'Storage Wars?'

nounverb911 March 12, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Isn't Breitbart in dead storage.

Clancy_Pants March 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I know how he feels. Every time I switch to A & E to watch Storage Wars there is a commercial. I keep channel surfing and every time I come back, commercial! It's so aggravating. Except I don't tweet every time it happens. But then I sortof have a job and don't have the time.. Well except for Wonkette.. but you know, priorities.

ManchuCandidate March 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I miss posting images… but this one fits.
http://i.qkme.me/6ijn.jpg

banana_bread March 12, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I was just thinking of this one: http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/7400000/O

Chuck Grassley is the embodiment of Grandpa Simpson. It would be comical except he is a fucking Senator.

starfanglednut March 12, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Look at the retweets. About the same number every time. Who the fuck is retweeting this shit, every time he says it?

BaldarTFlagass March 12, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Maybe he bought a few of Newt's 3 million Twitter followers.

Designer_Rants March 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

That's the first thing I noticed. 50+ retweets for drivel. He must h v really tapped into the American Psyche.

RadioStalingrad March 12, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I have no time for the Lifetime Channel.

Fare la Volpe March 12, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Or a life for that matter.

DaRooster March 12, 2012 at 1:35 pm

ESPN does stories about NASCAR too… it just don't make no sense no how.

fartknocker March 12, 2012 at 1:36 pm

American Nose Picker. Or maybe his Blackberry can be a target on Top Shot.

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Ferst dey dum us down, an then dey kumplane dat teh TeeBee is too stoopid!

Mumbletypeg March 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm

The message I'm getting is no different than most twitter feeds I've learned are best ignored: Someone (Grassley) needs you to notice <something> as much or as badly or as often as he/she[Grassley] is noticing it right now, and now, and .. .

Sharkey March 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Hello, HISTORY IS BORING?!?!!!

AlterNewt March 12, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I know, right? I mean, duh, it like already HAPPENED.

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Yea, rilly! I mean, dude, lemme know when it changes, man!

Gunner Asch March 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Hey, I didn't realize my kids comment on Wonkette.

HistoriCat March 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Don't make me have to cough up a hairball on you.

Come here a minute March 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm

It must make Senator Grassley happy to know that when you go to twitter you can be sure to get twits.

IceCreamEmpress March 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Does he not understand the concept of "looking to see what's on"?

Wait, this is Chuck Grassley. Of course he doesn't.

I am srsly expecting him to literally Tweet "You kids get off my lawn" any day now.

fuflans March 12, 2012 at 3:26 pm

i have a cat with a belly like that.

;)

BaldarTFlagass March 12, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Wait till he tries to catch some music videos on MTV.

ManchuCandidate March 12, 2012 at 2:18 pm

"Where's Frankie Laine? Who the fuck is Justine Beaver? Snooki?"

UnholyMoses March 12, 2012 at 1:41 pm

No one better tell him that "The Learning Channel" doesn't have a single show involving learning anything that needs learning.

H2, on the other hand (and with several exceptions) still has kick ass shows such as "The Universe," and the Science Channel often has real science on it.

ChessieNefercat March 12, 2012 at 2:07 pm

The "Learning" Channel is the one that showed "Sarah Palin's Alaska."

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Well, in fairness, we learned a lot. Unintentionally.

UnholyMoses March 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Which is when I stopped watching them.

Well, it's not like they had anything worth watching before then. I just made more of a concerted effort after that point.

DahBoner March 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

If only the H2 channel would merge with the Oprah network…

EatsBabyDingos March 12, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Why does Chuck hate Rick Santorum? Because comments like these make Rick Santorum seem sane, and that, my friends, does not win elections.

elviouslyqueer March 12, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Dear Senator Grassley:

For the last goddamn time, we are not interested in broadcasting excerpts from your personal family film library. And especially not the blooper reels showing you being sodomized by a Shetland pony at the 1921 Iowa State Fair.

Cease and desist already, you moron.

The History Channel Programming Department

ElPinche March 12, 2012 at 1:45 pm

History channel…or as I call it the Hitler Channel.

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Say, you know who else liked the Hitler Channel?

HistoriCat March 12, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Pat Buchanan?

102415 March 12, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Rudy Giulianii?

BaldarTFlagass March 12, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Tony Soprano used to watch the History Channel all the time. Grassley better watch out what he criticizes.

metamarcisf March 12, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Swamp people are just the same as you and I

KeepFnThatChicken March 12, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Should we let him know that there's no entertainment, enrichment or erudition on teevee, too?

FNMA March 12, 2012 at 1:47 pm

"I turned on the Spice channel and didn't see anything about cinnamon. Watched for hours and nothing about spices at all."

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Really? I last about 12 seconds and there's plenty of sauce.

horsedreamer_1 March 12, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Duck butter at its finest.

EatsBabyDingos March 12, 2012 at 1:47 pm

The History Channel has taught me everything I need to know about sex and Ancient Nazi Space Sasquatches throughout history.

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 12, 2012 at 1:48 pm

But I get all my learnin from the learnin channel.

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 2:12 pm

And now you look FABulous in a tiara!

An_Outhouse March 12, 2012 at 1:50 pm

"Why do we h v "?

Hump vampires?
Handle Viagra?
Hide Vaginas?

Fare la Volpe March 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Hit on Virgins?

Blueb4sunrise March 12, 2012 at 1:55 pm

human virus?

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 2:26 pm

heating and ventilation?

I really have to stop watching PBS for the house reonovation programming…

OneYieldRegular March 12, 2012 at 1:50 pm

If he doesn't restrain himself, he runs the risk of alienating Rich Iott and the rest of the WWII Nazi re-enactor faction of the party.

ttommyunger March 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Poor Chuckles is just trying to make up for the fact that he couldn't learn History in school when he was a boy… It was so long ago they didn't have any.

anniegetyerfun March 12, 2012 at 1:52 pm

We might have already gone over this, but has Grassley ever Tweeted a twat without spelling/grammar/capitalization errors? I don't expect him to say anything relevant, just, you know, for ONCE, to check to see if he spelled "history" right.

Mumbletypeg March 12, 2012 at 2:02 pm

has Grassley ever Tweeted a twat without ..errors?

try here.

ETA: it didn't last long.

Lucidamente1 March 12, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Time to pull the plug on Grandpa's 'puter.

Slim_Pickins March 12, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Sounds like an opportunity for INCREASED Federal regulation.

donner_froh March 12, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Everyone who voted for Grassley watches the Numbskull Channel.

Pres.Beeblebrox March 12, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Next thing you know he'll be bitching about American Movie Classics playing that new-fangled zombie show.

CapeClod March 12, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I was going to say he could try reading a book on the subject, then I remembered that he's a Republican.

Maman March 12, 2012 at 1:56 pm

You want history? History International beeyotch

Fred_Wertham_Jr March 12, 2012 at 2:02 pm

History International is no more. It's H2 now and it's Ancient Aliens all the time. History Channel is now about junk shops and shootin' gators.

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 2:05 pm

And the Science Channel is all Pumpkin Chunkin' and other ways of crushing shit and blowing it up. Sad times.

Maman March 12, 2012 at 2:38 pm

No, no… I still see the beautiful and soothing Brian Cox on the Science Channel or is that the Green Channel. He is the James Blunt of science

vulpes82 March 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm

H2 still occasionally has some real history on it, though. And I can at least rationalize Pawn Stars because you do actually learn stuff via material culture of the past. But the swamp people and ax guys… that shit's just Poor Porn.

AlterNewt March 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm

@ChuckGrassley

I think I just pooped a little.

ChessieNefercat March 12, 2012 at 2:05 pm

If he had seen this handy chart, he would not have been confused: http://tinyurl.com/buv9sle

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 2:06 pm

It's taken him ten years to notice this? What has the old man been napping the whole time; or is it short-term memory loss?

elviouslyqueer March 12, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Yes.

Deportably_Jose March 12, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Sadly, this is the most original observation ever made by Chuck Grassley.

And God help us if he ever tunes into MTV or The Learning Channel. We'll never hear the end of it.

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I think The Learning Channel just goes by TLC, giving up on all pretense to education. But they should go with something more accurate, like "The Babies, Babies, Babies, Channel".

Deportably_Jose March 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Man, I remember back in the day, with the learning, TLC would occasionally air a documentary called The Human Animal, which was about human sociology and physiology, but in the style of a nature documentary, and incredibly well-done.

The part that stuck in the mind of ImpressionableYouthfully_Joe was definitely the segment on sexuality, which, while not terribly graphic, did definitely feature the occasional boobie.

I definitely had liked The Learning Channel as a precocious, nerdy, pre-teen, but that was the documentary that made me love The Learning Channel.

BlueStateLibel March 12, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Fast times at the Senior Home (aka, the U.S. Senate).

ElPinche March 12, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Basic cable sucks…still no show about a family of 20 midget hoarders who own a custom gun shop and a cake making company.

hagajim March 12, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Chuck was looking for the History channel where they show revisionist history.

BornInATrailer March 12, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Sadly, the History Channel isn't even the Hitler Channel any more. Those golden days have passed.

vulpes82 March 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm

The Military Channel is where it's at now for Hitler stuff. Very interesting series running at the moment about espionage in WWII, and there was one a few months ago chronicling the various Nazi collaborators.

It's funny, but people forget that before the History Channel, A&E was All Hitler, All the Time, with occasional British costume dramas to break up the monotony. But A&E hasn't touched anything approaching art, and only tangentially entertainment, in a good fifteen years.

crybabyboehner March 12, 2012 at 2:16 pm

This is what happens when you let the private sector have teevee stations. If you want to see the Teletubbies, you have to watch PBS!

Barrelhse March 12, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Chuck U Grassley.

elviouslyqueer March 12, 2012 at 2:24 pm

ChuckGrassley
@ChuckGrassley

Just turned to BET. Thought it would b abt gambling. NO. instead full of NI**ers. Why do we h v such a channel

Doktor Zoom March 12, 2012 at 2:30 pm

On the other hand, the vast cornucopia of educational programming available on cable certainly presents a compelling case for the elimination of PBS.

KeepFnThatChicken March 12, 2012 at 2:34 pm

If he wants programming titles to matches the output, he could always watch Teen Mom, Breaking Bad, Bullshit, and Shepherd Smith (because that's how Fox treats their viewers).

dahBoner March 12, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Oh oh

DahBoner March 12, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I sure hope Grandpa did'nt sit on that pie in the backseat…

DahBoner March 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Nobody ever calls TV learning "high falutin"…

widestanceromance March 12, 2012 at 2:45 pm

There is, sadly, no G on HGTV, either, but the tens of people who care seem to be keeping their rant on the DL.

Or just cold fired their TV like me.

barto March 12, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Well, this clearly explains why Chuck keeps voting for policy positions that yield no positive outcomes as well. He's no Pavlov's Dog!

proudgrampa March 12, 2012 at 2:54 pm

"Why do we watch the History Channel?"

"Well, when we study history, we learn something and won't make the same mistakes in the future."

"Yeah, right."

Dashboard Buddha March 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Hell Chuck…I remember when it was the "All Nazi Channel"

owhatever March 12, 2012 at 3:07 pm

That's why I watch porn.

Troglodeity March 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm

This is what "laser-like focus on the economy" looks like.

fuflans March 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm

hahahaha free market bitches!!

Antispandex March 12, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Mr. Grassley, history belongs to those who shoot hogs, buy shit and resell it, cut down the forests for cash, and (lately) joust…..Your constituents! Not to the brave, or the victors. You win!

WiscDad March 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Earth to Grassley…If you don't like what's on…turn the fucking channel

chascates March 12, 2012 at 4:17 pm

The History Channel, A&E, probably even the Golf Channel has gone to reality shows now. Cheaper to produce and guaranteed to bring in a huge audience of slack-jawed mouth breathers. From Okie noodlers to alligator hunters to junk shop operators, reality shows are the new Playhouse Theater.

DahBoner March 12, 2012 at 4:26 pm

HIS story?

mrblifil March 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I hv same complaint about Blw Jb channel.

BarackMyWorld March 12, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Yes, Grassley can be silly, but I'm totally on his side on this one.

a_pink_poodle March 12, 2012 at 5:10 pm

I'm not saying it was aliens.

But ALIENS

MadBrahms March 12, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Not to mention the apocalypse and its relationship to UFOs / the Mayans / trucking.

MadBrahms March 12, 2012 at 6:58 pm

You'd think Ice Road Truckers would be the kind of proud, rugged, American masculinity Cornfed could get behind.

…wait, Canadians?!

politics_nerd March 13, 2012 at 10:49 am

Mtv.

Keithjd March 13, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Free market for-profit tv = lowest common denominator tv. Turn it to PBS.

shebeers March 13, 2012 at 2:58 pm

The senator should just be a little more patient. I know that Pawn Stars appears to be a white trash version of Antiques Roadshow, but when Mark from the museum shows up he'll give him a 2 minute history lesson that will probably fit in perfectly with his attention span.

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