chuck grassley's twitter

Chuck Grassley Learns Devastating Truth About The History Channel

Oh, dear. Grampa Cornpants is experiencing the senior’s equivalent of discovering there’s no Santa Claus: Learning that the History Channel is just a bunch of alien Nazi sweepstakes porn that instantly lobotomizes the viewer. Oh god, now Grassley’s communications guy is going to holler at us for breaking the Santa Claus news to the Senator… but we’ll deal with that later.

This has been going on for weeks, on Twitter:

Chuck, Chuck, if you think that’s funny, get this: “The Learning Channel.”

[Chuck Grassley’s Twitter]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

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  • GunToting[Redacted]

    What time does Matlock come on?

    • LesBontemps

      Conflicts with the early-bird special.

  • jzgplj

    But Ancient Aliens is so much fun!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Ancient! History! Come ON Chuck! Get with the program!

    • UnholyMoses
      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I love him. Between this clown and the lead asshat on Finding Bigfoot, I remember that I'm actually sane, and not faking it.

      • jzgplj

        I know, the whole show is like watching a train wreck, you just can't look away!

        • UnholyMoses

          Ya, we occasionally tune in for Teh Lulz.

          It's amazing how anything they can't immediately explain and/or understand is automatically "ALIENS!" with this guy in the same way fundies answer with "JESUS!"

    • vulpes82

      The only credible proof of alien life on that show is that weird guy's hair.

  • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Same reason there's no news on Fox News. Duh.

  • http://wonkette.com Chillatte

    Man, it must be nice to be able to sit on your ass all day and watch the History Channel while bitching about it on Twatter.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Now you know how we feel when we look for statesmen in Congress, dipshit.

    • HistoriCat

      Perfect – succinct and 100% accurate.

  • Limeylizzie

    I, of course, love the Hitler Channel.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      All those men in uniforms!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        And that's just the Pawn Stars!

      • Limeylizzie

        The Nazis had the best uniforms, originally by Hugo Boss, so fierce and scary. MrLimeylizzie is a Production Designer and he is a huge fan of Albert Speer, artistically, he says he basically art directed the Nurnberg Rallies , so Mr Speer was , in fact, a Production Designer .

        • Doktor Zoom

          Still, you'd think they'd notice that their insignia identified them as the baddies

          Also, How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb?

          Does it have to be a lightbulb?

    • http://wonkette.com Chillatte

      Isn't their motto "Fair & Balanced"?

    • prommie

      Auf die knie . . . .

      • Limeylizzie

        und schluck!

        • prommie

          Schwanz saugen schlampe.

          • Limeylizzie

            Ich denke du muss drigend einen geblasen kreigen, Herr Obersturmfuhrer.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      And always on Sunday. We call it Nazi Sunday at our house.

  • iburl

    "Arts" and "Entertainment"

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Back in the day we knew it as Arts and Explosions.

  • ablington

    Animal Planet has that Bigfoot Show. Ergo, NO ANIMALS.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Gassy Chuckler does not make me laugh. Except when I say "gassy chuckler." He probably wonders why he can't get his horoscope looking at pictures from the Hubble.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      "And why can't I see that Tom Hanks Space Movie from that damn satellite?"

  • Callyson

    Just tuned into C – SPAN. No work done in Congress. We used to see work being done in Congress. Why do we have such a Congress when it does not do anything.
    /fixed

    • soeoho

      Its a still camera shot…isn't it?

  • Baconzgood

    Just turned on the Tea-Party. How come there's no fundamental constitutional understanding?

    • SorosBot

      And where is the teabagging they promised us? Wait I didn't actually want to see that.

      • redarmyzombie

        Nyet comrade, we do not! ANY act of sex with those sagging lumps of blubber, just…*shudder*

  • http://www.twoeightnine.com twoeightnine

    Seems like he has a history of this.

    • horsedreamer_1

      CommentNinja has warned this user, & moved this thread to #horatiocaint

  • LesBontemps

    And why aren't there any peanuts in Circus Peanuts?

    • jzgplj

      and how come they are orange?

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants
  • ablington

    Fox News has no news, etc. Grassley could tweet this theme for months to come, yo. And he totally should.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      And MTV? No music! No videos!

      And what about airline food, I tell you!

      • ablington

        Precisely. Grassley is pretty much Seinfeld redux.

      • SorosBot

        And I turned on Comedy Central, and they had an Adam Sandler movie – that shit's not funny!

      • AbandonHope

        And there are no Columbians on the Columbia Broadcasting Network!

  • Tundra Grifter

    Look, Pops, the entire GNoPee "doesn't do history."

  • RadioStalingrad

    Jerry Seinfeld just looked in his rear view mirror.

  • jodyleek

    History on the History Channel, like music videos on MTV, went the way of the onion belt, old man.

    • Guppy

      When will the History Channel start airing Daria?

      • DahBoner

        Right after Dr. Katz…

  • dadanarchist

    "I just turned on Chuck and it's not about me." – Chuck Grassley

  • freakishlywrong

    Why do we h v such a Senator when he doesnt do governing?

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Let's think about this for a minute… The less governing Grassley does, the better off we all are.

      • freakishlywrong

        Gd pnt. #worthlessassholes.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    Old Chuck just lurves him some history.
    Why they not give Chuck history?
    Chuck will blame Obama.
    And women wanting contraception.
    And teh Gays.

  • edgydrifter

    And Oxygen is terribly misleading, too.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Dude, there's no "history" during the commercials. Just wait a couple minutes.

  • Tundra Grifter

    On the other hand, Santorum is still full of Santorum.

  • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    And what the hell? No one dies in 'Storage Wars?'

    • nounverb911

      Isn't Breitbart in dead storage.

  • http://wonkette.com Clancy_Pants

    I know how he feels. Every time I switch to A & E to watch Storage Wars there is a commercial. I keep channel surfing and every time I come back, commercial! It's so aggravating. Except I don't tweet every time it happens. But then I sortof have a job and don't have the time.. Well except for Wonkette.. but you know, priorities.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I miss posting images… but this one fits.
    http://i.qkme.me/6ijn.jpg

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Look at the retweets. About the same number every time. Who the fuck is retweeting this shit, every time he says it?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe he bought a few of Newt's 3 million Twitter followers.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      That's the first thing I noticed. 50+ retweets for drivel. He must h v really tapped into the American Psyche.

  • RadioStalingrad

    I have no time for the Lifetime Channel.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Or a life for that matter.

  • DaRooster

    ESPN does stories about NASCAR too… it just don't make no sense no how.

  • fartknocker

    American Nose Picker. Or maybe his Blackberry can be a target on Top Shot.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Ferst dey dum us down, an then dey kumplane dat teh TeeBee is too stoopid!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    The message I'm getting is no different than most twitter feeds I've learned are best ignored: Someone (Grassley) needs you to notice <something> as much or as badly or as often as he/she[Grassley] is noticing it right now, and now, and .. .

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Hello, HISTORY IS BORING?!?!!!

    • AlterNewt

      I know, right? I mean, duh, it like already HAPPENED.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Yea, rilly! I mean, dude, lemme know when it changes, man!

      • Gunner Asch

        Hey, I didn't realize my kids comment on Wonkette.

    • HistoriCat

      Don't make me have to cough up a hairball on you.

  • Come here a minute

    It must make Senator Grassley happy to know that when you go to twitter you can be sure to get twits.

  • IceCreamEmpress

    Does he not understand the concept of "looking to see what's on"?

    Wait, this is Chuck Grassley. Of course he doesn't.

    I am srsly expecting him to literally Tweet "You kids get off my lawn" any day now.

    • fuflans

      i have a cat with a belly like that.

      ;)

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Wait till he tries to catch some music videos on MTV.

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      "Where's Frankie Laine? Who the fuck is Justine Beaver? Snooki?"

  • UnholyMoses

    No one better tell him that "The Learning Channel" doesn't have a single show involving learning anything that needs learning.

    H2, on the other hand (and with several exceptions) still has kick ass shows such as "The Universe," and the Science Channel often has real science on it.

    • ChessieNefercat

      The "Learning" Channel is the one that showed "Sarah Palin's Alaska."

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Well, in fairness, we learned a lot. Unintentionally.

      • UnholyMoses

        Which is when I stopped watching them.

        Well, it's not like they had anything worth watching before then. I just made more of a concerted effort after that point.

    • DahBoner

      If only the H2 channel would merge with the Oprah network…

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Why does Chuck hate Rick Santorum? Because comments like these make Rick Santorum seem sane, and that, my friends, does not win elections.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Dear Senator Grassley:

    For the last goddamn time, we are not interested in broadcasting excerpts from your personal family film library. And especially not the blooper reels showing you being sodomized by a Shetland pony at the 1921 Iowa State Fair.

    Cease and desist already, you moron.

    The History Channel Programming Department

  • ElPinche

    History channel…or as I call it the Hitler Channel.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Say, you know who else liked the Hitler Channel?

      • HistoriCat

        Pat Buchanan?

      • 102415

        Rudy Giulianii?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Tony Soprano used to watch the History Channel all the time. Grassley better watch out what he criticizes.

  • metamarcisf

    Swamp people are just the same as you and I

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Should we let him know that there's no entertainment, enrichment or erudition on teevee, too?

  • FNMA

    "I turned on the Spice channel and didn't see anything about cinnamon. Watched for hours and nothing about spices at all."

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Really? I last about 12 seconds and there's plenty of sauce.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Duck butter at its finest.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    The History Channel has taught me everything I need to know about sex and Ancient Nazi Space Sasquatches throughout history.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    But I get all my learnin from the learnin channel.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      And now you look FABulous in a tiara!

  • An_Outhouse

    "Why do we h v "?

    Hump vampires?
    Handle Viagra?
    Hide Vaginas?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Hit on Virgins?

    • Blueb4sunrise

      human virus?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      heating and ventilation?

      I really have to stop watching PBS for the house reonovation programming…

  • OneYieldRegular

    If he doesn't restrain himself, he runs the risk of alienating Rich Iott and the rest of the WWII Nazi re-enactor faction of the party.

  • ttommyunger

    Poor Chuckles is just trying to make up for the fact that he couldn't learn History in school when he was a boy… It was so long ago they didn't have any.

  • anniegetyerfun

    We might have already gone over this, but has Grassley ever Tweeted a twat without spelling/grammar/capitalization errors? I don't expect him to say anything relevant, just, you know, for ONCE, to check to see if he spelled "history" right.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      has Grassley ever Tweeted a twat without ..errors?

      try here.

      ETA: it didn't last long.

  • Lucidamente1

    Time to pull the plug on Grandpa's 'puter.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Sounds like an opportunity for INCREASED Federal regulation.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Everyone who voted for Grassley watches the Numbskull Channel.

  • http://wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    Next thing you know he'll be bitching about American Movie Classics playing that new-fangled zombie show.

  • CapeClod

    I was going to say he could try reading a book on the subject, then I remembered that he's a Republican.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    You want history? History International beeyotch

    • http://www.toastcat.com Fred_Wertham_Jr

      History International is no more. It's H2 now and it's Ancient Aliens all the time. History Channel is now about junk shops and shootin' gators.

      • SorosBot

        And the Science Channel is all Pumpkin Chunkin' and other ways of crushing shit and blowing it up. Sad times.

        • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

          No, no… I still see the beautiful and soothing Brian Cox on the Science Channel or is that the Green Channel. He is the James Blunt of science

      • vulpes82

        H2 still occasionally has some real history on it, though. And I can at least rationalize Pawn Stars because you do actually learn stuff via material culture of the past. But the swamp people and ax guys… that shit's just Poor Porn.

  • AlterNewt

    @ChuckGrassley

    I think I just pooped a little.

  • ChessieNefercat

    If he had seen this handy chart, he would not have been confused: http://tinyurl.com/buv9sle

  • SorosBot

    It's taken him ten years to notice this? What has the old man been napping the whole time; or is it short-term memory loss?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Yes.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

    Sadly, this is the most original observation ever made by Chuck Grassley.

    And God help us if he ever tunes into MTV or The Learning Channel. We'll never hear the end of it.

    • SorosBot

      I think The Learning Channel just goes by TLC, giving up on all pretense to education. But they should go with something more accurate, like "The Babies, Babies, Babies, Channel".

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

        Man, I remember back in the day, with the learning, TLC would occasionally air a documentary called The Human Animal, which was about human sociology and physiology, but in the style of a nature documentary, and incredibly well-done.

        The part that stuck in the mind of ImpressionableYouthfully_Joe was definitely the segment on sexuality, which, while not terribly graphic, did definitely feature the occasional boobie.

        I definitely had liked The Learning Channel as a precocious, nerdy, pre-teen, but that was the documentary that made me love The Learning Channel.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Fast times at the Senior Home (aka, the U.S. Senate).

  • ElPinche

    Basic cable sucks…still no show about a family of 20 midget hoarders who own a custom gun shop and a cake making company.

  • hagajim

    Chuck was looking for the History channel where they show revisionist history.

  • BornInATrailer

    Sadly, the History Channel isn't even the Hitler Channel any more. Those golden days have passed.

    • vulpes82

      The Military Channel is where it's at now for Hitler stuff. Very interesting series running at the moment about espionage in WWII, and there was one a few months ago chronicling the various Nazi collaborators.

      It's funny, but people forget that before the History Channel, A&E was All Hitler, All the Time, with occasional British costume dramas to break up the monotony. But A&E hasn't touched anything approaching art, and only tangentially entertainment, in a good fifteen years.

  • crybabyboehner

    This is what happens when you let the private sector have teevee stations. If you want to see the Teletubbies, you have to watch PBS!

  • Barrelhse

    Chuck U Grassley.

  • elviouslyqueer

    ChuckGrassley
    @ChuckGrassley

    Just turned to BET. Thought it would b abt gambling. NO. instead full of NI**ers. Why do we h v such a channel

  • Doktor Zoom

    On the other hand, the vast cornucopia of educational programming available on cable certainly presents a compelling case for the elimination of PBS.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    If he wants programming titles to matches the output, he could always watch Teen Mom, Breaking Bad, Bullshit, and Shepherd Smith (because that's how Fox treats their viewers).

  • dahBoner

    Oh oh

  • DahBoner

    I sure hope Grandpa did'nt sit on that pie in the backseat…

  • DahBoner

    Nobody ever calls TV learning "high falutin"…

  • widestanceromance

    There is, sadly, no G on HGTV, either, but the tens of people who care seem to be keeping their rant on the DL.

    Or just cold fired their TV like me.

  • barto

    Well, this clearly explains why Chuck keeps voting for policy positions that yield no positive outcomes as well. He's no Pavlov's Dog!

  • proudgrampa

    "Why do we watch the History Channel?"

    "Well, when we study history, we learn something and won't make the same mistakes in the future."

    "Yeah, right."

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Hell Chuck…I remember when it was the "All Nazi Channel"

  • owhatever

    That's why I watch porn.

  • Troglodeity

    This is what "laser-like focus on the economy" looks like.

  • fuflans

    hahahaha free market bitches!!

  • Antispandex

    Mr. Grassley, history belongs to those who shoot hogs, buy shit and resell it, cut down the forests for cash, and (lately) joust…..Your constituents! Not to the brave, or the victors. You win!

  • WiscDad

    Earth to Grassley…If you don't like what's on…turn the fucking channel

  • chascates

    The History Channel, A&E, probably even the Golf Channel has gone to reality shows now. Cheaper to produce and guaranteed to bring in a huge audience of slack-jawed mouth breathers. From Okie noodlers to alligator hunters to junk shop operators, reality shows are the new Playhouse Theater.

  • DahBoner

    HIS story?

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    I hv same complaint about Blw Jb channel.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Yes, Grassley can be silly, but I'm totally on his side on this one.

  • a_pink_poodle

    I'm not saying it was aliens.

    But ALIENS

  • MadBrahms

    Not to mention the apocalypse and its relationship to UFOs / the Mayans / trucking.

  • MadBrahms

    You'd think Ice Road Truckers would be the kind of proud, rugged, American masculinity Cornfed could get behind.

    …wait, Canadians?!

  • politics_nerd

    Mtv.

  • Keithjd

    Free market for-profit tv = lowest common denominator tv. Turn it to PBS.

  • shebeers

    The senator should just be a little more patient. I know that Pawn Stars appears to be a white trash version of Antiques Roadshow, but when Mark from the museum shows up he'll give him a 2 minute history lesson that will probably fit in perfectly with his attention span.