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According to some utterer named Steven Andrew, God has spoken through a man with two first names, and it is time for Christians to unite behind Rick Santorum, because his Christ-inanity will fix the economy, and Mitt Romney is “accursed.” Further, Romney is “against everything the USA was founded upon,” by which he means Jesus Christ, and this is why he must go, says Steven “God” Andrew. Perplexingly, Santorum decided this weekend that the economy is refreshingly not a big issue in this election, suddenly, because it is never a big issue for him, who is still somehow running in this election in the name of the burning rubber scent of a zillion diaphragms. Anyway, why Rick, or this particular Rick? “God” says he is “mature,” which is what happens to the dried milk of livestock when it sticks around this earth and is not eaten.

Here is S. Andrew, who disseminated his important message from God to the Christian News Wire from his stained glass mansion in San Jose:

Christians are called to unite the GOP with Rick Santorum. This is because the Bible says that Mitt Romney opposes Jesus Christ and Christians. Romney is against everything the USA was founded upon. God promises to fix the economy if we vote for mature Christians (Exodus 18:21). God says that the economy declined for taking God out of government, 53-plus million abortions and homosexual sins.

God says that the economy declined for taking God out of government, 53-plus million abortions and homosexual sins.

Kay.

Christians understand God controls the economy because He says so in 2 Chronicles 7:13-14. Do you believe God? He sends prosperity for obedience and famine for sins (Deuteronomy 28, Nehemiah 9:32-38, Leviticus 26).

“Because I said so” – God. At least Andrew/Steven/Andrew cites his sources.

And now, Mormonism, explained:

Mormons have another Jesus, gospel and spirit. When Romney talks about Jesus, Romney isn’t talking about Jesus Christ, the Son of God, but ‘another Jesus’. Just like when someone knows ‘another John’ than the John you know.

Ha, what? No, not that Jesus Christ. A different one. You don’t know him.

2 Corinthians 11:4 warns, ‘For if he who comes preaches another Jesus whom we have not preached, or if you receive a different spirit which you have not received, or a different gospel which you have not accepted-you may well put up with it!’

EVIDENCE IS IN THE BIBLE OF WHY PEOPLE ARE “PUTTING UP WITH” MITT ROMNEY.

Here is a video from Steve Andy, who is like a human rubber ducky, in which he delivers “God’s State of the Union” (H/T fuflans, commenter).

Anyway, Rick Santorum accidentally told the god-fearing world this weekend in Missouri that the economy is not “the only issue in this race,” it is just a thing that he will conveniently fix while on his knees “praying.”

You know, the economy may be getting better and Republicans may lose their edge on that issue. Well, if that was the only issue in this race, that may or may not be the case, we don’t know.

And some more frothy spit bubbles of English from a master of the form, spoken at a different weekend event in Missouri:

‘Well what’s gonna be the most important, oh jobs, jobs, jobs.’ Well maybe not.

Well, oh. [Christian News Wire/Talking Points Memo]

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