Rad dudes Steven Seagal and Sheriff Joe Arpaio (R-The Best) drove a tank through some jerk’s front wall and then, with their bomb-robot and 40 deputies, accidentally killed a hundred of the jerk’s animals that they were supposed to be saving from his alleged cockfighting, and now this guy’s got the nerve to sue them, just for doing their job! (Their job being to have a reality show called “Fat Sad Old Steven Seagal Thinks Movies Are Real,” which A&E has since pulled from its schedule.) FRIVOLOUS LAWSUITS! TORT REFORM! TRIAL LAwyERZ! AIYEEE!
Jesus Llovera alleges that America’s Finest Sheriff, Sheriff Joe, conducted himself unprofessionally in order to garner publicity. Now STOP RIGHT THERE, LLOVERA! Libel! Libel! And et cetera.
He was handcuffed and taken outside, where action-movie actor Steven Seagal waited, clad in camouflage and sunglasses and hoisting a rifle.
“I looked up and saw his face,” Llovera said. “It was very strange.”
[...]
At the time of his arrest, Llovera said, Seagal walked him off his property to a van but did not speak to him. Seagal went off to do media interviews. Show producers asked Llovera to sign a release allowing them to use footage of his arrest. Llovera said deputies removed his handcuffs twice as producers asked him to sign. He refused.
“They said, ‘It will be good for you, so everyone can see your animals,’ ” Llovera said. “I said I didn’t want to.”
Llovera, who was already on probation for a misdemeanor charge of “being present at a cockfight,” denies he was raising his more than 100 roosters for cockfighting, which, well, ahem.
[Arizona Republic, via TPM]
{ 110 comments }
It's one thing if stormtrooper Arapaio and a bunch of his douchebag deputies destroy my property, kill my animals, and arrest me for the sheer fun of filming it. I mean, hey, you just got to go with the flow sometimes.
But putting me in a Steven Seagal movie? Shit, I'd absolutely sue his ass off for that!
Seagal is starting to look a lot like John Candy.
Needs moar donuts.
So is Breibart.
Another big fat famous guy that likes to play cop is Shaquille O'Neal.
I'm smelling a mega-buddy comedy series here.
Didn't the late, great Spy Magazine run a story about Seagal? That he really wasn't much of a martial arts expert (I believe the real expert was his wife at the time)?
Do you think he wears all those guitars he can't play above or below the gut?
As a Texan all I have to say is "Thank gawd for Arizona".
Somehow, this is appropriate. Bloated numbskull actor, meet racist knuckle-dragging sherrif. I see it as a buddy-comedy, "Lethal Stupidity."
"Weapon's Grade Lethal Stupidity"
American Derps. Arizona edition.
raising his more than 100 roosters…
I'm no farmer, but I reckon there's not much agricultural use of 100 roosters unless you have about 1000 hens.
He's like the Crazy Cat Lady, except with roosters.
Lady has pussy, dude has cock.
You can't explain that.
I think you just did.
He was this close to dialing in a truly world-beating coq au vin recipe, when they hauled him off to the klink. .
Obviously a gay-rooster enthusiast, and we are legion.
I thought Seagal was much better on "Real Housewives of Bisbee."
Reality sucks.
Sheriff Joe arrests Jesus. More war on religion.
You might be a redneck…..
Using a tank just raises the ante. Next series: Drone Strike–ARIZONA!
And I thought that Lt. Hunter in 'Hill Street Blues' was supposed to be a joke.
This story will be (puts on sunglasses) "Hard to Kill".
YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Looks like those cockfighters thought they were (sunglasses again) "Above the Law"
Under Siege 3: Fowl Territory
Seagal made a career of cockfighting.
~
No, that's Ron Jeremy.
Who is celebrating a birthday, today!
I'll raise a…chalice…to his finest works, later.
I won't ask how you are going to raise it…
Cock fighting, Steven Segal and Sheriff Joe. All that's missing is a closeted, bald right wing hero. Wait..what?
Your move, Paul Babeu.
You can't make this shit up. "A closeted, bald sheriff, Steven Segal and a bigot walk in to a cockfight". "In Arizona" goes without saying.
"The Sheriff's Office insists in court documents that the use of a tank, a bomb robot and 40 deputies was part of its normal course of duties.
"The search warrant was going to occur with or without Seagal," sheriff's Deputy Chief Dave Trombi said before the lawsuit was filed. "The search warrant was not based at all on the needs of the production company."
Sooooo, these guys are overbearing idiot douchebags, but normally no one pays any attention. I'm so glad the right is always on guard against fascism, aren't you?
A bunch of cocks were killed by a couple of cocks.
100 degree weather, 102 cocks…Stupidity 101.
Cockfighting?
Why are the Lamestream Media unconcerned with cuntfighting?
EMERICA NEEDZ MOAR SISSORING!!!!!!!
Even bum fighting has to be covered on YouTube.
They covered that last year in their stories about Saint Sarah vs Shelly.
Having suffered a neighbor’s rooster for years I only regret not having the foresight to purchase a surplus tank.
Finally… a story about bad ass roosters!! Killed by hunky tough guy Steven Seagal and human butt-plug Joe Arpaio… but like pretty much anything else-
It beats Santorum opening his throat…
“They said, ‘It will be good for you, so everyone can see your animals,’ ” Llovera said. “I said I didn’t want to.”
For once it's actual cock-blocked action being documented.
The Kochs who are customarily fluffed by the likes of Arapio probably did not have this in mind.
“It was very strange.”
That about sums up everything these days.
Needz Cluck Norris.
Keep Savin' Those Chickens!
This game show was better when Richard Dawson was hosting.
Downside:100 dead chickens
Upside: Sheriff's Department barbecue picnic!
You liberals are missing the point! Those were trained KILLER ROBOT CHICKEN MEXICANS! They were snuck across the border to create wave after wave of anchor baby pollitos and kill American huevos using aikido! It's a takeover by the Chinese! READ YOUR STOP SIGNS!!!!!!
Wikipedia is ahead of the game:
Llovera says his 11-month-old puppy was shot and killed during the raid and that police also killed more than 100 of his roosters.
Steven Segal: puppy killer!
Steven Seagal IS – Killing Puppies. Coming this August!
I'm looking over my dead dog Rover,
That I over-ran with the mower.
One leg is missing the other is gone.
The third one is scattered all over the lawn.
No need explaining the one remaining
It's splattered on the kitchen door.
I'm looking over my dead dog Rover,
that I over-ran with the mower.
I’m looking over my dead dog Rover
Who died on the kitchen floor.
One leg is broken, the other is lame,
The third leg is missing, the fourth needs a cane.
No need explaining, the tail remaining
Was caught in the oven door.
I’m looking over my dead dog Rover
Who died on the kitchen floor.
Steven Seagal thought he was Out for Justice, but he learned he's not Above the Law. Now he's Under Siege and on Deadly Ground. This lawsuit will be Hard to Kill. And something about Exit Wounds.
Exit Wounds…how I leave this post.
All because of a bad Executive Decision.
My favorite Seagall move – all because he gets killed in the first fifteen minutes.
On the other hand, that Chuck Norris is a class act
On the other hand, that Chuck Norris is a
class act(plagiarized and fixed)
The best part was when the naked chick climbed out of the tank, and Seagal acted all nonchalant-like. Or wooden. I think he was known for his wooden-ness.
It's like Seagal has become the real-life version of the bad guy from one of his shitty movies; he's even hooked up with a real life supervillain in Racist Sheriff Joe.
"You're not a cook."
"Yeah, well… I also cook. "
Needz moar Busey
Deputies also found medicines, charging Llovera with possession of dangerous drugs, and accessories, like sparring balls.
Odd.
Mine seem to get along fine in the same sack…
Good thing they didn't arrest him for having medicine balls.
"Really, Sally! It's an antibiotic! Just swallow!"
"… and there are loads of protein."
Seagal may have spoken to Llovera and he just didn't hear him.
Congrats, Joe and Steve. You made a person who raises animals to fight to the death look like the good guy.
Watch the feathers fly from this wholesale cock up.
"We had to destroy the chickens in order to save them."
And they were delicious.
Why does Arpaio hate Jesus Llovera?
OT, but here's a tip for folks considering getting divorced: Even if you have a lawyer, proofread, lest you be snickered at. Just read a file where dad's attorney asserts that the dad (Plaintiff) and mom (Defendant) "[have] one minor daughter, [name & DOB redacted]; in addition, the Defendant has another child who is not the biological child of the Plaintiff but who is psychologically the father to the child, [name & DOB redacted]."
The poor kid is psychologically her own father? And perhaps her own gram-pa.
Also, too, there's at least two attorneys in Boise who seem to think that it's fancier to say that two people were "intermarried," rather than plain ol' married. I'm sorry, but you don't get to just dragoon terms from social science that apply to groups of people and make believe they apply to individuals. Unless the plaintiff is the Navajo nation and the defendant is the Hopi tribe, they can't "intermarry."
Well, I hope she's proud of herself.
Becoming your own grampa?
"It's true – I did the nasty in the pasty."
Obviously the divorce lawyer is a huge Wordsworth fan, and stuck it in there to be "meta".
I like Mom's attorney, who didn't even address the notion of Dad's "psychological" fatherhood. Her answer & counterclaim lists only the one child the couple had together.
creation of a reality show…that followed Seagal's exploits as a deputized officer.
Your move, Shaquille O'Neal ~
"I'm not a real cop, but I am a failed actor who plays one in a shitty reality TV show nobody fucking watches, ever."
Shouldn't Llovera have been raising fighting Llamas?
Did the Fighting Llamas make it into the NCAA tournament this year?
Lorenzo Lamas? The "poor-man's Stephen Segal"?
No sir! Llovera has got it right. Chickens don't spit.
Llamas son más grandes que ranas.
Wow, so there's not really a protagonist in the story? Because I'm pretty sure that I hate everyone involved in this.
Someone had to say it.
Quite true – I sense great literary potential in this little escapade.
The enemy of my enemy is…often an asshole, too.
Steven Seagal is people too, my friend!
How did law enforcement get by all these years without being able to use tanks?
Back when Segal was doing his faux cop thing in Louisiana, the sheriff's department was actually using him well. If a group of people were out in the street fighting, for instance, they'd have Segal walk up to them and strike a pose. One of the combatants would recognize him and yell "Hey, there's Steven Segal!" and everyone would stop fighting to talk to him. Meanwhile, the deputies would be slapping cuffs on them.
Maybe Segal got bored with that, or he annoyed the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Dept in some way.
Seagal: too crazy for Jeff Parish?
Dear Mr. Seagal, If you have any desire to turn this dramatic real-life event into your great Hollywood comeback, I know a guy who can help you find a lot of roosters for your movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkz4Hy114-M
I'm surprised Seagal can even find the keys to his tank, buried as they are underneath all those Academy Awards.
So they killed the animals to save them? How very Republican
For the love of Jesus :) Arpaio says: “If my deputies—or posse man Seagal for that matter—had done something so awful like shooting a family dog, then where are the photos to prove it?”. "posse man Seagal"? What the fuck?
Sheriff Joe is 1,000% right on this! People don't know how to handle their cocks! Just the other day, a toddler was pecked to death by a pack of roosters who escaped their barnyard! I saw it on "The Cock Whisperer" on Animal Planet.
Chubby guy like that would have to settle for the Navajo blanket.
Jesus is a Llovera, not a cock fighter.
DO NOT mess with a chicken farmer. You send one of his to the rotisserie, he sends one of yours to the fryer.
Reminds me of the Fry-O-Later scene in Scotland, PA.
I know Ted Nugent is heart-broken having to miss this adventure with his penile-challenged soulmates. Prolly had a scheduling conflict with his dick-stretching consultant. Between the three of them there would have been close to six whole inches of dick in the mix.
Who knew Above the Law was a documentary?
After the raid to save the chickens, they stopped by KFC for a crunchy snack.
I sincerely hope Senor Llovera makes the acquaintance of a good lawyer about now, because both of them are going to be rich. Good move not signing the release. All the footage can be demanded during discovery by the plaintiff. If it somehow goes missing, that's obstruction of justice and it goes from civil to criminal.
Plus, the Feds currently investigating the Sheriff are no doubt interested in seeing it, too. And this won't be grainy video from some b/w CCT unit that hasn't been dusted in five years — it' probably in HD. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
Back in The Day, Commie Mom had an affair with JD LaRue. One of her several claims to fame.
Lard Target.
Cock push-ups?
Comments on this entry are closed.