COCKFIGHTING  10:22 am March 12, 2012

Steven Seagal and Sheriff Joe Arpaio Use Tank, Bomb Robot In Raid, Kill Guy’s Animals, Get Sued

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Thin Blue LineRad dudes Steven Seagal and Sheriff Joe Arpaio (R-The Best) drove a tank through some jerk’s front wall and then, with their bomb-robot and 40 deputies, accidentally killed a hundred of the jerk’s animals that they were supposed to be saving from his alleged cockfighting, and now this guy’s got the nerve to sue them, just for doing their job! (Their job being to have a reality show called “Fat Sad Old Steven Seagal Thinks Movies Are Real,” which A&E has since pulled from its schedule.) FRIVOLOUS LAWSUITS! TORT REFORM! TRIAL LAwyERZ! AIYEEE!

Jesus Llovera alleges that America’s Finest Sheriff, Sheriff Joe, conducted himself unprofessionally in order to garner publicity. Now STOP RIGHT THERE, LLOVERA! Libel! Libel! And et cetera.

He was handcuffed and taken outside, where action-movie actor Steven Seagal waited, clad in camouflage and sunglasses and hoisting a rifle.

“I looked up and saw his face,” Llovera said. “It was very strange.”

[...]

At the time of his arrest, Llovera said, Seagal walked him off his property to a van but did not speak to him. Seagal went off to do media interviews. Show producers asked Llovera to sign a release allowing them to use footage of his arrest. Llovera said deputies removed his handcuffs twice as producers asked him to sign. He refused.

“They said, ‘It will be good for you, so everyone can see your animals,’ ” Llovera said. “I said I didn’t want to.”

Llovera, who was already on probation for a misdemeanor charge of “being present at a cockfight,” denies he was raising his more than 100 roosters for cockfighting, which, well, ahem.

[Arizona Republic, via TPM]

 
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{ 110 comments }

Biel_ze_Bubba March 12, 2012 at 10:25 am

It's one thing if stormtrooper Arapaio and a bunch of his douchebag deputies destroy my property, kill my animals, and arrest me for the sheer fun of filming it. I mean, hey, you just got to go with the flow sometimes.

But putting me in a Steven Seagal movie? Shit, I'd absolutely sue his ass off for that!

Schmannnity March 12, 2012 at 10:26 am

Seagal is starting to look a lot like John Candy.

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 10:56 am

Needs moar donuts.

coolhandnuke March 12, 2012 at 10:58 am

So is Breibart.

Lascauxcaveman March 12, 2012 at 11:48 am

Another big fat famous guy that likes to play cop is Shaquille O'Neal.

I'm smelling a mega-buddy comedy series here.

Tundra Grifter March 12, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Didn't the late, great Spy Magazine run a story about Seagal? That he really wasn't much of a martial arts expert (I believe the real expert was his wife at the time)?

slowhansolo March 12, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Do you think he wears all those guitars he can't play above or below the gut?

Huevos Ocupados March 12, 2012 at 10:27 am

As a Texan all I have to say is "Thank gawd for Arizona".

prommie March 12, 2012 at 10:27 am

Somehow, this is appropriate. Bloated numbskull actor, meet racist knuckle-dragging sherrif. I see it as a buddy-comedy, "Lethal Stupidity."

comrad_darkness March 12, 2012 at 10:32 am

"Weapon's Grade Lethal Stupidity"

freakishlywrong March 12, 2012 at 10:27 am

American Derps. Arizona edition.

ChernobylSoup March 12, 2012 at 10:28 am

raising his more than 100 roosters…

I'm no farmer, but I reckon there's not much agricultural use of 100 roosters unless you have about 1000 hens.

BaldarTFlagass March 12, 2012 at 10:47 am

He's like the Crazy Cat Lady, except with roosters.

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 10:54 am

Lady has pussy, dude has cock.

You can't explain that.

LesBontemps March 12, 2012 at 11:37 am

I think you just did.

Lascauxcaveman March 12, 2012 at 11:44 am

He was this close to dialing in a truly world-beating coq au vin recipe, when they hauled him off to the klink. .

Veritas78 March 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Obviously a gay-rooster enthusiast, and we are legion.

FNMA March 12, 2012 at 10:28 am

I thought Seagal was much better on "Real Housewives of Bisbee."

cheaphits March 12, 2012 at 10:29 am

Reality sucks.

Schmannnity March 12, 2012 at 10:29 am

Sheriff Joe arrests Jesus. More war on religion.

DCBloom March 12, 2012 at 10:30 am

You might be a redneck…..

chascates March 12, 2012 at 10:30 am

Using a tank just raises the ante. Next series: Drone Strike–ARIZONA!

PubOption March 12, 2012 at 10:47 am

And I thought that Lt. Hunter in 'Hill Street Blues' was supposed to be a joke.

Baconzgood March 12, 2012 at 10:30 am

This story will be (puts on sunglasses) "Hard to Kill".

HistoriCat March 12, 2012 at 11:15 am

YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

MadBrahms March 12, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Looks like those cockfighters thought they were (sunglasses again) "Above the Law"

FlownOver March 12, 2012 at 10:31 am

Under Siege 3: Fowl Territory

ifthethunderdontgetya March 12, 2012 at 10:32 am

Seagal made a career of cockfighting.
~

KeepFnThatChicken March 12, 2012 at 10:34 am

No, that's Ron Jeremy.

UW8316154 March 12, 2012 at 10:49 am

Who is celebrating a birthday, today!

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 10:55 am

I'll raise a…chalice…to his finest works, later.

DaRooster March 12, 2012 at 11:35 am

I won't ask how you are going to raise it…

freakishlywrong March 12, 2012 at 10:33 am

Cock fighting, Steven Segal and Sheriff Joe. All that's missing is a closeted, bald right wing hero. Wait..what?

elviouslyqueer March 12, 2012 at 10:45 am

Your move, Paul Babeu.

freakishlywrong March 12, 2012 at 10:51 am

You can't make this shit up. "A closeted, bald sheriff, Steven Segal and a bigot walk in to a cockfight". "In Arizona" goes without saying.

comrad_darkness March 12, 2012 at 10:35 am

"The Sheriff's Office insists in court documents that the use of a tank, a bomb robot and 40 deputies was part of its normal course of duties.

"The search warrant was going to occur with or without Seagal," sheriff's Deputy Chief Dave Trombi said before the lawsuit was filed. "The search warrant was not based at all on the needs of the production company."

Sooooo, these guys are overbearing idiot douchebags, but normally no one pays any attention. I'm so glad the right is always on guard against fascism, aren't you?

CarnyTrash March 12, 2012 at 10:36 am

A bunch of cocks were killed by a couple of cocks.

coolhandnuke March 12, 2012 at 10:37 am

100 degree weather, 102 cocks…Stupidity 101.

Spurning Beer March 12, 2012 at 10:38 am

Cockfighting?

Why are the Lamestream Media unconcerned with cuntfighting?

Baconzgood March 12, 2012 at 10:47 am

EMERICA NEEDZ MOAR SISSORING!!!!!!!

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 11:14 am

Even bum fighting has to be covered on YouTube.

Callyson March 12, 2012 at 11:22 am

They covered that last year in their stories about Saint Sarah vs Shelly.

Goonemeritus March 12, 2012 at 10:38 am

Having suffered a neighbor’s rooster for years I only regret not having the foresight to purchase a surplus tank.

DaRooster March 12, 2012 at 10:39 am

Finally… a story about bad ass roosters!! Killed by hunky tough guy Steven Seagal and human butt-plug Joe Arpaio… but like pretty much anything else-
It beats Santorum opening his throat…

Mumbletypeg March 12, 2012 at 10:39 am

“They said, ‘It will be good for you, so everyone can see your animals,’ ” Llovera said. “I said I didn’t want to.”

For once it's actual cock-blocked action being documented.
The Kochs who are customarily fluffed by the likes of Arapio probably did not have this in mind.

deanbooth March 12, 2012 at 10:40 am

“It was very strange.”

That about sums up everything these days.

coolhandnuke March 12, 2012 at 10:42 am

Needz Cluck Norris.

DaRooster March 12, 2012 at 10:43 am

Keep Savin' Those Chickens!

SayItWithWookies March 12, 2012 at 10:44 am

This game show was better when Richard Dawson was hosting.

BaldarTFlagass March 12, 2012 at 10:45 am

Downside:100 dead chickens
Upside: Sheriff's Department barbecue picnic!

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 10:46 am

You liberals are missing the point! Those were trained KILLER ROBOT CHICKEN MEXICANS! They were snuck across the border to create wave after wave of anchor baby pollitos and kill American huevos using aikido! It's a takeover by the Chinese! READ YOUR STOP SIGNS!!!!!!

WIDTAP March 12, 2012 at 10:47 am

Wikipedia is ahead of the game:

Llovera says his 11-month-old puppy was shot and killed during the raid and that police also killed more than 100 of his roosters.

Steven Segal: puppy killer!

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 11:08 am

Steven Seagal IS – Killing Puppies. Coming this August!

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 11:15 am

I'm looking over my dead dog Rover,
That I over-ran with the mower.
One leg is missing the other is gone.
The third one is scattered all over the lawn.
No need explaining the one remaining
It's splattered on the kitchen door.
I'm looking over my dead dog Rover,
that I over-ran with the mower.

I’m looking over my dead dog Rover
Who died on the kitchen floor.
One leg is broken, the other is lame,
The third leg is missing, the fourth needs a cane.
No need explaining, the tail remaining
Was caught in the oven door.
I’m looking over my dead dog Rover
Who died on the kitchen floor.

SexySmurf March 12, 2012 at 10:47 am

Steven Seagal thought he was Out for Justice, but he learned he's not Above the Law. Now he's Under Siege and on Deadly Ground. This lawsuit will be Hard to Kill. And something about Exit Wounds.

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 10:55 am

Exit Wounds…how I leave this post.

ManchuCandidate March 12, 2012 at 10:57 am

All because of a bad Executive Decision.

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 11:07 am

My favorite Seagall move – all because he gets killed in the first fifteen minutes.

metamarcisf March 12, 2012 at 10:48 am

On the other hand, that Chuck Norris is a class act

DaRooster March 12, 2012 at 11:07 am

On the other hand, that Chuck Norris is a class act

(plagiarized and fixed)

HempDogbane March 12, 2012 at 10:48 am

The best part was when the naked chick climbed out of the tank, and Seagal acted all nonchalant-like. Or wooden. I think he was known for his wooden-ness.

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 10:49 am

It's like Seagal has become the real-life version of the bad guy from one of his shitty movies; he's even hooked up with a real life supervillain in Racist Sheriff Joe.

BaldarTFlagass March 12, 2012 at 11:01 am

"You're not a cook."
"Yeah, well… I also cook. "

FlownOver March 12, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Needz moar Busey

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 10:52 am

Deputies also found medicines, charging Llovera with possession of dangerous drugs, and accessories, like sparring balls.

Odd.

Mine seem to get along fine in the same sack…

coolhandnuke March 12, 2012 at 11:13 am

Good thing they didn't arrest him for having medicine balls.

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 11:24 am

"Really, Sally! It's an antibiotic! Just swallow!"

DaRooster March 12, 2012 at 11:29 am

"… and there are loads of protein."

elburritodeluxe March 12, 2012 at 10:58 am

Seagal may have spoken to Llovera and he just didn't hear him.

DangerHelvetica March 12, 2012 at 10:58 am

Congrats, Joe and Steve. You made a person who raises animals to fight to the death look like the good guy.

ManchuCandidate March 12, 2012 at 10:58 am

Watch the feathers fly from this wholesale cock up.

BaldarTFlagass March 12, 2012 at 10:59 am

"We had to destroy the chickens in order to save them."

comrad_darkness March 12, 2012 at 11:05 am

And they were delicious.

nounverb911 March 12, 2012 at 11:01 am

Why does Arpaio hate Jesus Llovera?

Doktor Zoom March 12, 2012 at 11:01 am

OT, but here's a tip for folks considering getting divorced: Even if you have a lawyer, proofread, lest you be snickered at. Just read a file where dad's attorney asserts that the dad (Plaintiff) and mom (Defendant) "[have] one minor daughter, [name & DOB redacted]; in addition, the Defendant has another child who is not the biological child of the Plaintiff but who is psychologically the father to the child, [name & DOB redacted]."

The poor kid is psychologically her own father? And perhaps her own gram-pa.

Also, too, there's at least two attorneys in Boise who seem to think that it's fancier to say that two people were "intermarried," rather than plain ol' married. I'm sorry, but you don't get to just dragoon terms from social science that apply to groups of people and make believe they apply to individuals. Unless the plaintiff is the Navajo nation and the defendant is the Hopi tribe, they can't "intermarry."

proudgrampa March 12, 2012 at 11:24 am

Well, I hope she's proud of herself.

HistoriCat March 12, 2012 at 11:24 am

Becoming your own grampa?

"It's true – I did the nasty in the pasty."

not that Dewey March 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Obviously the divorce lawyer is a huge Wordsworth fan, and stuck it in there to be "meta".

Doktor Zoom March 12, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I like Mom's attorney, who didn't even address the notion of Dad's "psychological" fatherhood. Her answer & counterclaim lists only the one child the couple had together.

Mumbletypeg March 12, 2012 at 11:07 am

creation of a reality show…that followed Seagal's exploits as a deputized officer.

Your move, Shaquille O'Neal ~

Chillatte March 12, 2012 at 11:08 am

"I'm not a real cop, but I am a failed actor who plays one in a shitty reality TV show nobody fucking watches, ever."

DaRooster March 12, 2012 at 11:09 am

Shouldn't Llovera have been raising fighting Llamas?

HistoriCat March 12, 2012 at 11:25 am

Did the Fighting Llamas make it into the NCAA tournament this year?

not that Dewey March 12, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Lorenzo Lamas? The "poor-man's Stephen Segal"?

WIDTAP March 12, 2012 at 1:04 pm

No sir! Llovera has got it right. Chickens don't spit.

FlownOver March 12, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Llamas son más grandes que ranas.

anniegetyerfun March 12, 2012 at 11:09 am

Wow, so there's not really a protagonist in the story? Because I'm pretty sure that I hate everyone involved in this.

Chet Kincaid March 12, 2012 at 11:46 am

Someone had to say it.

Tommy1733 March 12, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Quite true – I sense great literary potential in this little escapade.

Veritas78 March 12, 2012 at 3:47 pm

The enemy of my enemy is…often an asshole, too.

actor212 March 12, 2012 at 11:10 am

Steven Seagal is people too, my friend!

CapeClod March 12, 2012 at 11:14 am

How did law enforcement get by all these years without being able to use tanks?

Terry March 12, 2012 at 11:15 am

Back when Segal was doing his faux cop thing in Louisiana, the sheriff's department was actually using him well. If a group of people were out in the street fighting, for instance, they'd have Segal walk up to them and strike a pose. One of the combatants would recognize him and yell "Hey, there's Steven Segal!" and everyone would stop fighting to talk to him. Meanwhile, the deputies would be slapping cuffs on them.

Maybe Segal got bored with that, or he annoyed the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Dept in some way.

Guppy March 12, 2012 at 11:18 am

Seagal: too crazy for Jeff Parish?

north_of_moscow March 12, 2012 at 11:21 am

Dear Mr. Seagal, If you have any desire to turn this dramatic real-life event into your great Hollywood comeback, I know a guy who can help you find a lot of roosters for your movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkz4Hy114-M

metamarcisf March 12, 2012 at 11:28 am

I'm surprised Seagal can even find the keys to his tank, buried as they are underneath all those Academy Awards.

Maman March 12, 2012 at 11:36 am

So they killed the animals to save them? How very Republican

WiscDad March 12, 2012 at 11:40 am

For the love of Jesus :) Arpaio says: “If my deputies—or posse man Seagal for that matter—had done something so awful like shooting a family dog, then where are the photos to prove it?”. "posse man Seagal"? What the fuck?

Chet Kincaid March 12, 2012 at 11:42 am

Sheriff Joe is 1,000% right on this! People don't know how to handle their cocks! Just the other day, a toddler was pecked to death by a pack of roosters who escaped their barnyard! I saw it on "The Cock Whisperer" on Animal Planet.

Lascauxcaveman March 12, 2012 at 11:46 am

Chubby guy like that would have to settle for the Navajo blanket.

Guy Montag March 12, 2012 at 11:56 am

Jesus is a Llovera, not a cock fighter.

Lascauxcaveman March 12, 2012 at 12:00 pm

DO NOT mess with a chicken farmer. You send one of his to the rotisserie, he sends one of yours to the fryer.

jqheywood March 12, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Reminds me of the Fry-O-Later scene in Scotland, PA.

ttommyunger March 12, 2012 at 12:55 pm

I know Ted Nugent is heart-broken having to miss this adventure with his penile-challenged soulmates. Prolly had a scheduling conflict with his dick-stretching consultant. Between the three of them there would have been close to six whole inches of dick in the mix.

dadanarchist March 12, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Who knew Above the Law was a documentary?

owhatever March 12, 2012 at 2:41 pm

After the raid to save the chickens, they stopped by KFC for a crunchy snack.

Veritas78 March 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I sincerely hope Senor Llovera makes the acquaintance of a good lawyer about now, because both of them are going to be rich. Good move not signing the release. All the footage can be demanded during discovery by the plaintiff. If it somehow goes missing, that's obstruction of justice and it goes from civil to criminal.
Plus, the Feds currently investigating the Sheriff are no doubt interested in seeing it, too. And this won't be grainy video from some b/w CCT unit that hasn't been dusted in five years — it' probably in HD. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

commiegirl March 12, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Back in The Day, Commie Mom had an affair with JD LaRue. One of her several claims to fame.

poncho_pilot March 12, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Lard Target.

horsedreamer_1 March 12, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Cock push-ups?

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